Before opening his eyes, he thought,
Ah, again.
It was a sensation he had felt several times before. Someone’s gaze quietly descending on his face, a feeling both ticklish and stinging.
When lightly asleep—not fully awake—he sometimes felt that way: as if someone was silently watching him.

Jeong Tae-ui wasn’t very sensitive. Even if someone stared at him intently, he didn’t immediately notice or turn around. But when asleep, his instincts sharpened; since childhood, there were times when a part of his mind stayed awake while the rest was asleep.
In those moments, even without seeing, he could sense what was happening nearby: who was looking at him, who picked up a book, who straightened tossed clothes. He could feel it without hearing a sound.

This gaze was like that.
When asleep, he sometimes felt someone quietly watching him.
And since he knew whose gaze it was, Tae-ui wondered: why was that person watching him like that?
No one can fully understand another person. The self shown to parents differs from that shown to siblings, friends, or strangers, and some aspects are never revealed to anyone—not even to oneself.

So no one can claim to fully know or understand another.
Thinking that way, understanding that man was difficult. In fact, just from what he showed, understanding was impossible. The countless acts he casually committed—Tae-ui had never imagined them. For example, the recent incident—though strangely he couldn’t recall exactly when—it was very recent. Who in their right mind sets fire to a forest?
He had seen the man kill without hesitation multiple times. That was no surprise anymore, but sometimes that reckless courage, breaking common sense, was beyond admiration—it was terrifying.

…Though setting fire to a forest while sane was unlikely, since the man rarely was sane, in that sense it was somewhat understandable.
But come to think of it, Ilay sometimes did strange things. Beyond those kinds of acts, there were things hard to understand—why he did certain things was a mystery.
One of those things was that gaze.

At night, Ilay sometimes came to Tae-ui. Sometimes just for meaningless chit-chat, sometimes to bring work as an instructor. But mostly, when he came at night, Tae-ui figured it was for that purpose.
At first, it felt uncomfortable and unpleasant, but over time, he got used to it. Actually, except for penetration, Ilay was skilled enough that by the end, Tae-ui felt good enough not to complain. Looking back, aside from the rape, maybe Ilay was a considerate partner in bed. He fulfilled his own desires but always made Tae-ui feel good enough to lose consciousness briefly. Most times, he also took care of the foreplay and aftermath.

…
Tae-ui felt a little regretful. If only he were a bit less sexually conservative—though he wasn’t really conservative even now, but facing Ilay, he felt like one—he might have enjoyed such a pleasurable encounter more easily.
Yet, lying with someone who treated him only as an object to satisfy their desires wasn’t truly enjoyable. Maybe this wasn’t about conservatism or openness after all, he thought briefly.

After their nightly ‘game of territory,’ Tae-ui felt drowsy and good, usually falling asleep right away. By then, he almost always sensed that gaze. At first, it didn’t happen much, but one day it started. When he felt that gaze quietly falling on his face, sometimes if he felt like it, he lifted his heavy eyelids and looked into the face watching him. Sometimes he asked ‘Why?’ or, if too tired, closed Ilay’s eyelids and said ‘You sleep too.’ Then a faint smile followed before quiet returned.

When too tired like soaked cotton and unable or unwilling to open his eyes, he ignored that gaze and slept. He didn’t see why he had to respond to being watched, and the gaze wasn’t confrontational, so no need to be wary.

Then in the morning, he’d forget what happened at night, living the day unaware. Occasionally, when that gaze returned at night, he’d think unconsciously, ‘Ah, I think this happened before.’ In that half-asleep, half-conscious state, he sometimes wondered why Ilay acted that way.

During the day, Ilay stared openly, usually when he had something to say or a task. When Tae-ui asked why he stared at night, there was never an answer. Once, trying to get an answer, Tae-ui stayed awake despite exhaustion, and Ilay smiled, then closed Tae-ui’s eyelids with his hand, saying ‘Sleep.’

He couldn’t say the gaze didn’t bother him, but digging for reasons felt awkward, and telling him not to watch seemed ridiculous, so he let it go silently, wondering what could come from staring at a person’s face. Yeah, maybe it was like a dream.

During a dream, he remembered it was a dream he’d had before, but waking up, he forgot that he dreamed. Falling asleep again, he puzzled over why he forgot during the day and recalled the dream again. Like memories of dream and reality were split, the thought about that gaze felt similar. When waking, he remembered what he thought and what happened, but after moving around in reality, he forgot everything—even forgetting that he forgot.

It was like that. During sleep, the gaze was persistent, but waking made the memory vanish.

“...”

Tae-ui hesitated whether to open his eyes. Half awake, half asleep, he felt that gaze again. He thought maybe it would stop, but it kept staring, again and again. His body was especially tired and sluggish, ready to give in, and he finally lost—opening his eyes with effort to meet that gaze.

“You sleep too.”

“...”

When he snapped angrily, Ilay, who had been resting his chin and quietly watching Tae-ui, blinked, surprised.
Though it was natural to be surprised—Tae-ui had been breathing evenly and asleep moments ago, then suddenly opened his eyes and snapped—it was odd. Usually Ilay would just smile subtly and say nothing, so Tae-ui wondered briefly why Ilay looked so shocked. But waves of drowsiness washed over him, and he ignored the staring Ilay, closing his eyes again. Then in the half-conscious haze, he thought:

Wait. Why is Ilay here?
Ah, he often watched over Tae-ui while he slept. That much was known. But something felt off. Usually after ‘playing territory’ and naked, Ilay would stare at him. But now he was dressed neatly—though just a plain T-shirt and cotton pants—and sat in a chair by the bed.

“...”

Half asleep, Tae-ui suddenly recalled what situation this was.
Suddenly, he shot up.

“Fire!”

His face drained pale as he urgently grabbed Ilay’s collar. Ilay looked surprised—or rather, like ‘What nonsense?’

“Fire? What fire?”

“You set it, fire! You set fire to the forest! The birch forest! You brought gasoline in drums and doused everything!”

Tae-ui shouted wildly, his face turning blue. Ilay frowned and stared at him sharply. Without a word, with a look as if watching a helpless fool, Ilay’s gaze made Tae-ui tilt his head in confusion and glare back. Why was he looking at him like that? After silently staring, Ilay finally spoke quietly.

“Before the fire, do you even know your situation?”

His expression was indifferent, but Tae-ui soon realized the question’s interesting meaning. He closed his mouth and silently met Ilay’s gaze.

“Why my situation?”

Feigning casualness, Tae-ui shrugged. Ilay looked at him with a ‘you’re ridiculous’ expression. Suddenly, he put his hand on Tae-ui’s forehead. Holding it there a moment, he sighed and muttered to himself.

“Whenever this guy runs a fever, he can’t tell front from back… Sleep now. You idiot, kidnapped, beaten, and all that.”

Ilay clicked his tongue and pushed Tae-ui gently. Pushed by that hand, Tae-ui lay back on the bed, relieved. Apparently, Ilay intended to let him sleep.

Now that he thought about it, he really seemed confused. His head was hazy and dull, and he felt a bit feverish. Turning onto his side on the bed, he noticed gauze on his forehead and temple. The places with serious wounds—elbow, knee, calf—were all neatly bandaged. Though he couldn’t see his ankle, he felt a stiff cast on the other foot. Kyle must have called someone to treat him while he slept. He was thankful.

Closing his eyes, Tae-ui touched his forehead. He really did have a bit of a fever, just as Ilay said. But his hand felt hot, so he wasn’t sure.

Though his battered body ached with fever, his head wasn’t hot, so his mind was fairly clear.

…Because his mind was clear, when Ilay pushed him to sleep, Tae-ui promptly chose to lie down and rest. Now, even though his mind was sharp and awake, the sleepiness had faded.

He didn’t feel like he could fall asleep, but he wasn’t about to wake and confront Ilay seriously either. So, he stubbornly closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

Thinking back, Ilay was a sharp man, so he probably noticed, but since Tae-ui had been kidnapped and returned a battered mess, maybe out of pity he didn’t try to wake him. (Though later, Tae-ui realized that even with his fever and battered body, Ilay was no one to pity.)

Still, he felt it—the gaze above his face.
How could he sleep with that blazing stare? But his body must have instinctively summoned sleep for recovery. Though he didn’t feel he could sleep well, his eyelids gradually closed again.

By the way, what was Ilay up to? Considering the grudge he held against Tae-ui, even if Tae-ui was a wreck unconscious in the ER, Ilay should have woken him to punch him thoroughly. Tae-ui briefly recalled Ilay pouring gasoline and quickly dismissed the thought. He drew the most reasonable conclusion: this was a dream.

—See, it’s a dream.
Otherwise, why would a gentle hand carefully touch his forehead and stroke his hair?

Such dreams weren’t good. Sometimes, they were so vivid and lifelike that though they couldn’t happen in reality, they felt real.

Those dreams felt strange but pleasant while happening.
But afterward, they caused disturbing illusions, so they were bad.

Tae-ui twisted to avoid the hand. The hand lingered briefly over his head, then withdrew.

“Such strange dreams...”
Tae-ui muttered upon opening his eyes, still foggy and half-asleep. He didn’t realize he’d mumbled aloud. He had dreamed of a demon smiling gently and acting kindly.

It was strange, strange. That guy was definitely a demon—he even had a sharp tail behind his butt—and his hands were stained red with blood. But he smiled kindly with a face Tae-ui had never seen before.

Thinking this over and over, Tae-ui opened his eyes. Then realized he already knew the answer the dream gave, or the enlightenment it intended.

That if he got fooled by the demon, he would later be betrayed and hurt. Complaining later was useless. The demon never wore a mask, openly showed he was a demon. It was the fool’s fault for being deceived. The dream’s moral was not to be fooled by the demon’s occasional kindness.

Tae-ui blinked at the ceiling with a blank mind.

Why did he have such a dream? It was a sad dream. It made him recall memories he didn’t want to remember—more sadness.

He sighed quietly and closed his eyes. Someone he didn’t want to think of came to mind—a bitter feeling rising.

“...Wait...”
Suddenly, Tae-ui snapped awake. The moment he thought of the person he didn’t want to remember, unwanted memories surged—very recent memories.

—Ah ha…
Two steps past the rock, shifting sideways to look down here—those jet-black eyes. The faintly curved eyes meeting his, Tae-ui had seen very recently.

“...!”
His face immediately lost all color.

I’m dead. That thought filled his mind in an instant. What was he thinking, lying there so comfortably asleep? Ilay. Ilay Riegrow.

The image of that man standing calmly in the flames stuck vividly to his retina. Not a dream. That monstrous man was there, holding a knife that had just cut a person’s throat in one hand, and flames in the other.

My God.

Just thinking about it made his heart stop. The aching, tightening heart that felt like it would cease suddenly started pounding wildly. Damn it. He had vowed never to be caught, yet here he was.

Tae-ui clutched his chest, overwhelmed by despair. His bold past flashed by like a panorama. What to do? How to handle this situation? Wait, better run away again before getting caught… Yeah, no matter what, the load was light, so nothing was needed. Just climb down the window and run away...