Chapter 05

Chapter 05

 

ON THE MORNING of the bombing sixteen years ago, Watase Sanetoshi was dressed in a long white jacket reminiscent of a cape. The heels of his white boots clacked on the floor as he walked, heralding the beginning of the end of everything. Then he boarded a commuter train packed full of employees and students.

The organization had a car parked at every station. Carrying the black teddy bears they’d assembled in advance, each associate slipped into the crowd.

At one point, Sanetoshi concluded that he hated society with every fiber of his being. “Society” was made up of a handful of different boxes, and people bent themselves out of shape in a desperate attempt to fit within those constraints. They lived their lives never knowing their true form. Eventually they forgot everything and everyone they ever loved, and then they died.

This subway system was a mere microcosm of those boxes, designed to transport these human cattle. The world didn’t need it and neither did he. He was chosen to live outside the box. Thus, his next move was to destroy it, and today was only the beginning. He smiled faintly as his white-gloved hands toyed with the black teddy bear he was carrying.

Then a small girl stepped inside from the neighboring train car, wearing a red randsell backpack on her shoulders. She slipped through the sea of legs and walked right up to him. And when he sensed her aura, all the hair on his body stood on end. As he looked down at her, she stared unflinchingly back at him with her large, round eyes. Her name was Momoka.

“I’m going to eject you from this world.”

Strangely enough, he felt that this little child had the power to understand his outlook on society. How absurd, he thought. Even if he was right about her, she couldn’t possibly hold her own against him.

“Stunning. And how will you achieve that?” he scoffed with a smirk. As if in response, she blinked several times, her long lashes fluttering. Then the train car and passengers all melted into the background until it was just the two of them.

Sanetoshi turned back to face her. This was a sight only afforded to them—a world only they could share, reminiscent of space, but with far fewer stars. He let go of the black teddy bear, and it floated in place, its sharp eyes glaring at Momoka. She lowered her heavy backpack and pulled out a notebook.

“This diary contains an incantation that can transfer fates. I will now recite it.”

“I’m afraid you’re too late. If only we had met a little sooner,” he snickered. His hair grew like vines, painting the dark void of space with light and color. But Momoka didn’t bat an eye.

“I’m going to send you flying through the darkness for all eternity,” she declared. Her words turned everything to pale pink petals, spinning and scattering in all directions. The smile vanished from Sanetoshi’s face, and in a blink, his flowers wilted.

“In that case, allow me to lock you inside my curse.”

It all happened near-simultaneously: Momoka started reciting the spell, while Sanetoshi pressed his lips to his fingers, then pasted that “symbol” onto her forehead. She wasn’t able to finish the incantation, and so she failed to save everything. The bears’ eyes started flashing, and then the bombing occurred. But neither was the world destroyed.

The two gazed firmly into each other’s eyes, each of them watching their inflicted curse take hold. Momoka’s tiny body was split in two, and her soul was transformed into two penguin-shaped hats. Likewise, Sanetoshi was split in two, transforming into two sleek black rabbits with scarlet eyes. But he wasn’t bothered by it. After all, he was one of the chosen few. Thus, he decided he would get his chance to annihilate the world sooner or later…and in the meantime, he vowed never to forget the little girl who risked her life to reject his ambition.

For a long, long time, he recalled the memories again and again. Slowly but surely, his anger at the girl who opposed him became indistinguishable from deep affection. Caught in the vortex of his curse, Momoka continued to keep watch over him as much as possible. And as he traveled down his cursed path toward the future, he waited for the day his postponed plans could finally be enacted.

Sixteen years later, the curse was no longer enough to hold Watase Sanetoshi.

 

It was late in the evening when I got the call informing me that Himari was taken to the hospital. I thanked the nurse, then hung up, pulled on my coat, and dashed out of the house. Arriving at the emergency room, I filled out the paperwork, then proceeded to the room where she lay asleep. Inside, Dr. Washizuka took one look at my ashen complexion and frowned.

Himari was hooked up to an EKG and wearing an oxygen mask. Worse still, she was assigned a private room located right near the nurses’ station. This didn’t help my anxiety, since patients who weren’t in critical condition were placed in shared rooms much further away. Himari was hospitalized many times in the past, but this was the first time they’d ever put her here.

“When they brought her in, she was delirious, calling for you over and over. Did something happen between the two of you?” Dr. Washizuka asked me as I sat on the stool beside her bed, staring at my lap. There on my knees, Penguin No. 2 leaned as far as it could, peering at Himari’s ghostly pale face.

I tried to think of an answer to his question, but couldn’t. I hadn’t been considerate of Himari’s feelings. Fortunately my number was listed on her insurance card under “emergency contact info,” but even if she could have contacted me on her own without the help of the hospital, I wasn’t sure she actually would have. Also included in her tote bag were her wallet, handkerchief, adhesive bandages, cough drops, chapstick, and the key to the Takakura house. Oh, and the penguin hat.

“Is your brother around? I need to speak with him in my exam room. It’s about something important.”

“He won’t be coming. You can have your conversation with me, right here,” I replied flatly. “How long does Himari have left?”

“A few hours. Tomorrow morning at most. I’m sorry,” he told me calmly.

“Please excuse me. I need to call my family.”

I casually set No. 2 on the stool, then left the room. Out in the hall, I called my uncle, then Oginome-san. A short distance away, the nurses’ station was bustling with activity.

Uncle Ikebe was very quiet; he must have gleaned Himari’s condition from the sound of my voice. Bit by bit, I told him only the most relevant details. He told me he’d be here as soon as possible, instructed me to get some rest, then hung up.

Likewise, Oginome-san wasn’t that shocked to hear that Himari was taken to the hospital. Instead, she calmly asked me what happened and whether I needed her to bring anything. This helped get me to think things through a bit more.

“There’s a spare key taped to the underside of the potted plant at the far edge of the porch. Use it to get into the house. Then go to Himari’s room and you’ll see a bunch of cardboard boxes with my uncle’s address on them. They have Himari’s clothes inside…”

As I mumbled on and on, the house I had only just left rose to the forefront of my mind—the cold, dark, empty house with its chilly wood floors and ancient bathroom tile. And the cramped, cluttered kitchen. And the fridge covered in papers held up by magnets. And the warm orange light of the living room, and Himari’s bedroom right next to it—a magical, fanciful room with a big pink four-poster bed—

“Shoma-kun? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. Anyway, we’ve got her insurance card here…um…uhhh…”

All at once, my mind went blank, and I kept stammering over and over. Wasn’t there something else? Something we needed?

“Slow down and take it easy. I’ll just bring you and Himari-chan some spare clothes,” she told me firmly, and I knew I could count on her.

“Okay. Thanks,” I mumbled. “Hey, um, about Himari… They told me she’s at the end of her rope. She might make it to tomorrow, but that’s about it.”

“Oh. Wow. That’s…awful…” I could hear her voice grow muddled on the other end of the line. Maybe she was fighting back tears.

When I returned to the hospital room, I accidentally sat down on top of No. 2. Dr. Washizuka gave me an odd look, but didn’t ask.

“Where’s Dr. Sanetoshi?” I asked as the thought occurred to me. He had said Himari couldn’t be cured, but maybe he would know of some other way to save her.

“Sanetoshi? Who are you talking about?”

“Dr. Sanetoshi, the internal specialist!” I shouted back on reflex. “He’s been treating her illness, and I’d like to get his professional medical opinion!”

“Now hold on a minute. We don’t have any ‘internal specialists’ at this hospital. Besides, I had a different doctor take over for me while I was out of the country. Didn’t you meet him?”

“That’s not true. His name was Watase Sanetoshi, and he was tall, with long hair, and…” What did his face look like again? What floor was his exam room on? Dr. Washizuka looked at me with concern as I searched for the words. “And he had two kids with him!”

“You know, I used to have an assistant by that name, once upon a time,” he replied, smiling bitterly. “That reminds me—I actually had a dream about him just the other night. What a strange dream.”

“So what happened to him?”

“He died sixteen years ago. In my dream, I think he called himself a ghost… Not very scientific, now is it?”

“A ghost…?”

That couldn’t be possible. Himari, Kanba, and I had all met him in person dozens of times. He smelled like a greenhouse, and his hair glowed funny colors, and he always crossed his long legs, and he had two young twin assistants. But the one thing I couldn’t remember was his face—almost like someone blacked it out with a Sharpie.

“Get some rest. The fatigue is clearly getting to you,” Dr. Washizuka sighed.

 

Inside the pitch-dark KIGA hideout, Kanba sat in front of a dozen large computer monitors. He leaned against the chair with his full weight, enduring the pain in his back. Himari was nowhere to be seen; the only sound was that of his own labored breathing. The pain and panic made him sweat. Occasionally he would pause to wipe his brow with his sleeve as he watched cardboard boxes full of black teddy bears ship out one by one.

“In short, you three are cursed by the dead, and the curse is me. Stunning, isn’t it?”

Sanetoshi stepped out from the shadows, his long white jacket fluttering behind him. The light from the computer monitors reflected off of his hair, creating ripples of pink and blue and yellow that spread through the darkness. His eyes were as deep and bottomless as space itself; they absorbed the light and twinkled mysteriously.

“This time, I will destroy the world. And I’m going to rub it in my little girlfriend’s face.”

“I don’t care what happens to the world. I want to save Himari.”

Kanba didn’t take his eyes off the monitors for a single second. His voice was flat, and his breathing wasn’t getting any slower. Why wasn’t she here?

“You will. As proof, allow me to show you one of my magic spells… Survival Tactic,” Sanetoshi whispered hoarsely into his ear.

Kanba’s heart skipped a beat, and he looked up—but they were no longer in the same room as before.

“I’m really not the dramatic type,” Sanetoshi shrugged, then started walking.

They were now floating in space—the same space reflected in his eyes. A breathtaking number of stars twinkled brightly, flying past and exploding all around them. Kanba had never seen space before, but the tension in the air told him he wouldn’t last a moment outside of this contained area—he could feel it viscerally through his skin. It smelled nearly as sweet as the place the penguin queen always manifested.

“Watch.” Sanetoshi held up his hand, and a portion of the invisible floor rose up like the lid of a box. Kanba peered down inside to find Masako’s bedroom at the Natsume estate—a bird’s-eye view of her bed.

“Masako…no…”

At the time Kanba awoke, he found that his injuries were already treated. The members of KIGA were there with him, but Masako was not.

Here she lay unconscious in bed, her ample curls fanned out over the bedsheets, surrounded by the Natsume family’s private duty medical team, plus her butler Renjaku. Every visible inch of her was covered in bandages, and she looked to be in pain.

Kanba hated all the equipment and the tubes, but what he really hated was the sound of the EKG. Once it went flat, its obnoxious drone signaled a person’s death.

“Now then, let us behold the miracle that will occur.” Smirking, Sanetoshi bowed.

“My lady?! My lady!” Renjaku shrieked, drowning out the sound of the monitor. “My lady!” As the blood drained from her face, she clung to Masako’s unconscious body. “MY LADY!”

It was the first time Kanba had ever seen Renjaku lose all control of her emotions. Meanwhile, Sanetoshi watched with a leisurely smile as the doctor reached over and checked Masako’s pulse.

“She’s gone.”

“No… My lady!” Renjaku collapsed to the floor beside the bed and began to sob.

“Poor thing. It appears your twin sister has died,” Sanetoshi remarked casually.

He took Kanba by the hand, and the two of them descended gently into Masako’s bedroom. Kanba stood there dumbfounded as Sanetoshi walked over to Masako and peered intently at her face. She wasn’t breathing.

“She’s very pretty. Looking at her up close, I can tell the two of you are related.” His fingers toyed with her glossy hair.

Neither Renjaku nor the medical team seemed to notice their presence. Timidly, Kanba approached the bed; Sanetoshi glanced over his shoulder and grinned as he gently stroked Masako’s cheek with his palm. Then he pointed at the EKG monitor, and suddenly, the flatline pulsed to life. Startled, the doctor peered at Masako’s face.

“Nngh…” Groaning, Masako lifted her heavy eyelids by a fraction.

“My lady?! Doctor, she’s awake!” Renjaku scrambled back to her bedside. “My lady! My lady!” she whimpered in a watery voice.

“You there!” The doctor pointed at the one of the nurses and began to give hasty instructions.

“Where’s…Mario-san…?” Masako asked, glancing in Renjaku’s direction.

“You needn’t worry, my lady. Mario-sama is resting in the room next door,” she answered firmly. Then she pulled out a white handkerchief with her initials embroidered into it and wiped her tears.

“So he’s alive?”

“Yes, of course, my lady!”

“Good… I’m glad…” Masako let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes once more, falling unconscious in her relief. Color returned to her lips and cheeks, and her body steadily regained its warmth.

“Masako…” Privately, Kanba heaved his own sigh of relief. This reminded him of the time Sanetoshi first saved Himari’s life. Did he use this power to do it?

“Now do you see? I have the power to save Himari-chan,” Sanetoshi boasted.

“Yeah…” Kanba nodded quietly. Unlike him, Sanetoshi could actually save her… The gunshot wounds on his back twinged slightly.

“Don’t!” Masako suddenly shouted, reaching out with one hand. Her eyes were still closed, like she was dreaming. “Don’t go, Kanba! Don’t go with him!”

“Stop that, my lady. You have to rest!”

Following Sanetoshi’s lead, Kanba turned to leave the room.

“You’ll die!”

Kanba frowned a tiny fraction. Sanetoshi would destroy the world…but he would save Himari. Honestly, if it would save her life, what did it matter if he died in the process?

“You’re wasting your time. You’ll never reach him.” Sanetoshi waved a dismissive hand in her direction. “Humans are programmed to ignore dissenting voices and seek an echo chamber. As such, the only voice he can hear now is mine.”

Sanetoshi stooped down slightly, bringing himself down to Kanba’s eye level.

“You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re making the right choice,” he whispered in a sensual voice.

And the more Masako writhed, the more delighted he became.

“See? The more you oppose his actions, the farther he’ll push you away, until eventually you can’t reach him at all. You know that, right? More than anything else, humans want to be needed. They spend their lives yearning for it.”

Then, while she was watching, he turned back to Kanba.

“Now go and wreak havoc to your heart’s content. Let’s conduct an experiment and find out how destructive the power of your love can be.”

Sanetoshi gave Kanba a little push. The pain in his back faded, and his cold sweat dried. He walked to the shelf beside the bed, picked up half of Momoka’s diary, and flipped past the grimy cover to examine its contents. As she grimaced at him, he afforded her a passing glance, then went back to Sanetoshi, who put an arm around his shoulders.

“Now then, let us be off.” And with that, they slowly floated upward, back toward the void Sanetoshi created.

“Don’t do it, Kanba! Don’t get on that train! Don’t go that way! Don’t go!”

“Perhaps she’s dreaming about taking the subway,” Sanetoshi chuckled. “As of this moment, you’re my new best friend.”

But not even that managed to get a reaction out of Kanba. Once they returned to the void of space, Sanetoshi lifted up the lid to Masako’s bedroom and dropped it back into place with a firm CLACK.

 

For Ringo, it was deeply strange to set foot in the Takakura house by herself. As she entered, she called out “Sorry for the intrusion,” even though she knew no one was there. Then she went and packed her gym bag with a few days’ worth of clean clothes for both Himari and Shoma.

If she used the spell she inherited from Momoka, she could transfer Himari’s fate and save her life…but she still only had half of the diary. That said, even if Yuri was right and the other half was currently in the possession of a teenage girl named Natsume Masako, it didn’t explain why this other girl was after the diary. And even if Ringo went and begged her, it wasn’t likely she would agree to forfeit her half.

For the time being, she decided she would deliver the clothes to Shoma at the hospital, then quietly try to arrange a meeting with this Masako girl. He didn’t need to know about it.

She sent a message to her mother, informing her that she was going to visit Himari in the hospital and would be home later than usual. Her mother still had no idea that the Takakura kids had any connection to the bombing sixteen years ago. She was generally a patient, forgiving woman, but if she found out, she might just forbid Ringo from ever associating with them again. Naturally, Ringo would disobey this order. Thus, it was better not to tell her in the first place.

Ringo didn’t want to upset her mother. She cared a lot about their relationship—they only had each other now, after all. But she knew she would have to come clean about her dear friends eventually…and about the boy she loved. She would have to tell her mother about what sort of people they were, and what effect they had on her, and how they helped her mature as a person.

Then her phone started ringing on the coffee table where she’d left it. Thinking it might be Shoma, she ran over and answered it.

“Hello? Shoma-kun?” she blurted. There was a pause.

“I have the other half of the diary, Oginome-san.”

Ringo recognized the voice as Kanba’s.

“Kanba-kun?! Where are you? You have the diary?!”

She remembered both he and Shoma were looking for it at one point, but she figured he would be with Himari by now. Didn’t he know she was in critical condition?

“Actually, you know, Himari-chan got taken to the hospital—”

“With our powers combined, we can save her,” he cut in.

“Have you been looking for the diary all this time?”

Stricken with fear, she pulled out her half of the diary and hugged it to her chest. Had he stolen the other half from Natsume Masako?

“Yes, and I finally got my hands on it. Now the diary is complete,” he declared. “But I need to stay where I am. They’re after me.”

“They? Where exactly are you, Kanba-kun?”

She heard him hold his breath.

“Let’s meet up and complete the diary. I promise, I’ll meet you there.”

Ringo nodded without hesitation.

 

At night, the district of Ikebukuro was still swarmed with people, but the Sunshiny International Aquarium had long since closed for the day. The building was deserted; no one was at the ticket counter, and no one was lined up to enter. The surrounding area was dark, and the signposts were hard to make out.

Timidly, Ringo slipped inside. The carpeted floor muffled her footsteps as she moved from room to room, the glowing blue tanks her only guide. Here in the silent aquarium, the schools of fish paid her no mind, swimming or sleeping as they saw fit. As the contortions of the thick glass threatened to make her sick to her stomach, she steadily grew more and more cautious of her surroundings.

She didn’t think Kanba would try anything funny; at the very least, he wouldn’t do anything that would have a negative impact on Himari. But Ringo still had questions. Even if he and Shoma were technically estranged at the moment, why wouldn’t he call his brother to tell him about the diary? And when he said “they’re after me,” was he talking about the remnants of the organization, like that tabloid journalist mentioned?

“Kanba-kun, where are you?”

It was a spacious building, and yet the darkness seemed to absorb her voice without letting it echo. No matter where she looked, all she could see was fish.

Then a voice suddenly spoke from above: “Oginome-san.”

“Kanba-kun?” She froze, listening intently.

“Did you bring your half of the diary?”

For a moment, her gut instinct was to stay quiet. But Ringo had no reason to come all the way here empty-handed.

“Yeah, it’s right here.” In her arms was a bag containing just the half-diary.

“Thank you. Now come over here.”

“Where?”

“Ahead of you, at the plaza.”

Clutching her phone in one hand just in case, Ringo slowly walked in the direction of the plaza indicated to her by the signposts. Moments prior the fish had seemed creepy, but now she found she was scared to part from them.

“Kanba-kun, Himari-chan’s waiting for us at the hospital. We need to go.”

“Don’t worry. Tomorrow, Himari and I will board the same train from sixteen years ago. We’ll go to a new world where she can be saved.”

“A new world? You mean, using the spell? Tell me, Kanba-kun, how much do you know about transferring fates? Did you get your half from that girl named Natsume-san?”

When did he learn about it, and how long was he acting on this knowledge? If he was actually being pursued, then he would naturally be looking for a place to hide. So why was he taking his sweet time?

Just then, two small, gleaming scarlet eyes caught Ringo’s attention. Swallowing, she walked over and crouched down to investigate. There, she found a black teddy bear.

“What is this thing? Kanba-kun, where are you?” she called out, rising to her feet.

“Thank you, Oginome-san.”

His voice was soft, but a lot closer than she was expecting. She flinched in surprise.

“Kanba-kun, how did you know that Yuri-san gave me back her half of the diary? I hadn’t told anyone yet. And how did you know about the spell?”

“I heard about it from a friend,” Kanba replied calmly, without hesitation.

“Who?”

She whirled around, away from the teddy bear. Standing there in the darkness was a tall man with glowing white skin and eyes as deep as the ocean. His long, silky-looking hair added a hint of pink to the blue light of the aquarium.

“Where’s Kanba-kun?” Ringo asked.

The man blinked at her wordlessly, his long lashes shining faintly. With every blink, strange patterns spread in the air, then faded away.

“Are you the friend he was talking about?”

His long, wide-collared white jacket slowly spread out from the top down, revealing his tight pants, boots, and gloves. Dressed from head to toe in all white, he glowed in the dark like a ghost.

“Good heavens, you look just like her,” Sanetoshi commented without smiling. “I was scared, you know. I had this feeling that as long as you and that diary still existed, Momoka-chan was going to get my goat all over again.”

“Who are you?” Ringo demanded, more firmly.

“Nice to meet you. I am a ghost,” he replied, slowly and purposely. Then he moved his right foot back, pressed his right hand to his chest, and bowed, gracefully extending his left hand outward at his side.

“A ghost?” Ringo repeated.

But right as the words left her lips, the teddy bear exploded, sending her flying into the wall of the plaza. Her bag tore, and the diary half fell to the carpet.

There amid the smoke, Kanba appeared without the slightest sound. He walked up beside her and picked up the diary with both hands. Then he stared down at her limp, lifeless body.

“Stunning,” Sanetoshi grinned, applauding. “Now then, go ahead and burn both halves. I’d do it myself, but I can’t touch them.”

Silently, without batting an eye, Kanba tossed Momoka’s diary into the uncontrolled flames. Sanetoshi watched, entranced, as the cover warped and the pages turned to ash. His pale face and clothes were tinged red by the light of the fire.

“Now no one will ever know the fate transfer spell.”

Using the last of her strength, Ringo turned her head. When she saw the diary was on fire, she pushed herself up and reached out for it.

“You still haven’t given up, hmm?”

She glanced in Sanetoshi’s direction, but otherwise ignored him, grabbing at the two burning diary halves sitting in a stack on the carpet.

“Let me guess: you think the power of love will save the day?” Sanetoshi watched curiously as Ringo crawled along the floor at his feet. “Well, I’d think again if I were you. It’s nearly burned to a crisp now.”

“No! I’ll never give up on Himari-chan!”

As she shouted, smoke filled her lungs, and she fell into a coughing fit. But she refused to give up on the people she cared about. She was going to save Himari’s life, and heal Shoma’s wounds, and maybe even get Kanba back.

Sanetoshi bent over, hands on his knees, leaning in close to her face. “For the record, it’s for your own good. If you recite that incantation, you’ll pay the price, and the flames of the curse will burn you…just like this.”

He looked at the diary, which was now burned up beyond recognition. Beside it, Ringo lay motionless, her hand and sleeve both singed black.

“If you burn away, you’ll cease to exist. Surely you don’t want that, do you?”

She didn’t answer. She didn’t understand what he was talking about, and even if she did, she couldn’t breathe well enough to speak.

Stretching slightly, he called out to Kanba: “Now then, let us be off. The train of fate awaits us.”

In response, Kanba walked right up to him. Together, they turned away from Ringo and headed into the forest of fish tanks. Struggling to stay conscious, she watched them disappear. What did he mean by “the train of fate”?

When she finally did pass out, her last thoughts, like the majority of her other thoughts, were of Shoma. There was still so much she hadn’t told him… She hadn’t even finished packing clothes for him.

Himari-chan…Momoka…I’m sorry…

But even her shakiest thoughts were absorbed by the thick glass.

 

Time passed as I waited and waited for Oginome-san to show up. I tried calling her a handful of times, but she never answered…and before I knew it, night fell. As I watched Himari’s unchanging EKG, the other hospital visitors dwindled, and Penguin No.  2 dozed off at my feet. Then it was time for lights out. A nurse came and brought me a cot; I laid myself down on it, but kept my eyes open, watching the EKG and its mostly steady rhythm while listening to Himari’s unnaturally faint breathing.

The room was kept at a carefully controlled temperature, just barely warm. Physically I was exhausted, but my brain was wide awake, and I got the sense I wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon. I couldn’t stop worrying about Oginome-san, and on top of that, Himari was going to die at some point tonight or tomorrow. It was unthinkable, and yet it was probably fact. When it happened, would I cry? How would I keep living my life? Was it even possible for me to live on my own?

In the past, when Himari was in critical condition, I often stopped to think long and hard about what her death would mean for us. I never really had to grapple with the loss of a close family member. Of course, I had other relatives besides just Uncle Ikebe, but none of them wanted anything to do with the children of Takakura Kenzan and Chiemi. We never had a funeral or anything for our parents, either—technically they were just missing. I did go to Kanba’s dad’s funeral a long time ago, but I was really young at the time, and I was too busy worried about whether Himari was tired or whether Kanba was sad. All in all, it was just a hectic day spent surrounded by grown-ups wearing all black.

If Himari died, Uncle Ikebe would probably be the one to take charge and organize her funeral. She would lay there like a little porcelain doll, wearing that white dress, fated never to stir again, while someone else applied makeup to her face. The rest of the coffin would be packed full of flowers. Then, like with Kanba’s dad’s funeral, we would sit in the crematorium and eat bland prepackaged lunches while waiting for her body to be reduced to bones.

Never again would she look at me with those big, round eyes. Never again would she speak to me, and her natural scent would be overwritten with the stench of death. Her bedroom at the Takakura house would never be occupied again, nor would the room Uncle Ikebe set up for her at his place. Instead, traces of the life she once lived would remain scattered throughout the world, and every time I saw one, I would feel her absence and question myself all over again.

I thought about Tabuki Keiju. When the cause of death was illness, there was no real way to fight it; without an outlet, any lingering resentment would build up indefinitely. But if you knew exactly who caused the death of your loved one, perhaps it was only natural to bear a grudge against them and contemplate revenge.

“Hello? Sorry for calling so late. I was just wondering if something happened. I don’t think we need the clothes anymore, so please just come see Himari while there’s time. I’ll be here when you get here,” I told Oginome-san’s voicemail. Then I flipped the blanket back, sat down on the cot, and stared into space.

Of all the absurd and fantastical events that happened to us thus far, it was this moment—this dark hospital room—that didn’t feel quite real to me. I felt so numb, I couldn’t tell if I was scared or sad. I told Oginome-san to come see Himari, but deep down, what I meant was come see me. It was by no means a happy occasion, but maybe with her around I could keep myself together long enough to figure myself out.

Just then, the windowpane shattered, and the curtains began to rustle in the wind. Startled, I looked up. It was Kanba, one foot on the windowsill.

“An—Kanba,” I hastily corrected myself. He wasn’t my aniki anymore. The chilly breeze helped sharpen my senses.

“I came to get Himari,” he told me in a hard voice.

“You came to…get her…?”

I rose to my feet and staggered toward Himari’s bed. Kanba always said he would save her, but at the same time, he was quite possibly a murderer. I couldn’t begin to know what he was thinking.

“This world is corrupt. You know that, right?” He hopped down into the room and looked at me intently. I couldn’t read any emotion in his eyes, but he didn’t seem to be glaring at me—just looking.

“What are you planning to do with her?” I demanded.

“We have to make our parents’ dream come true,” he replied matter-of-factly.

“What are you talking about? What the hell is wrong with you?! Himari’s on her deathbed!” I screamed at him, purely on impulse. Then it occurred to me that the nurses might come running. What would happen then? Would my brother hurt even more innocent people?

“This senseless world is going to change. Same day, same time, at the place where our fate resides. And Himari’s life will be saved.”

He was practically incoherent. He always used to be the smart one, the rational one—what happened to that? Now his words were vague and emotionally driven.

“What, so you’re planning to sacrifice hundreds of innocent lives? That’s not going to save her!”

“Takakura-san?”

A nurse was calling from out in the hall. I started to panic. If they caught him in here, there was zero chance he would apologize and surrender quietly. “Uh—”

But before I could say anything, Kanba shoved me out of the way, then pulled a slightly singed jackknife out of his pocket and stabbed it into the handle of the sliding door, jamming it.

“Takakura-san, is something wrong?” the nurse called. I could hear her trying to open the door, but she couldn’t compete with Kanba’s strength plus that of the knife. “Takakura-san?”

“Kanba!”

This was nothing like his usual style. It was just violent, with no rationality.

“If you don’t see society for how it truly is, you’re blind. This world will never give us fruit. That’s why we gotta change it,” he told me as he held the door shut behind him.

“No. That’s not acceptable.”

He was lying when he claimed it was all for Himari. He didn’t care about me or her—we didn’t even enter his line of sight. If anyone was blind, it was him.

“I don’t care if you accept it.” His eyes gleamed scarlet. “Don’t get in my way.”

He lowered the zipper on his coat just enough to pull a small black handgun from an inside pocket. I didn’t know anything about the different types of guns, so I couldn’t tell what it was or even if it was real. All I knew was that my brother was pointing a gun at me with his finger firmly on the trigger.

“Maybe part of me always wanted to do this to you.”

The gunshot was louder than I expected, and a second later, everything went dark.

 

I recognized this twilit beach. I was standing with my white boots buried in the wet sand, tired but enjoying the smell of the sea, wearing a wide-brimmed straw hat that felt too feminine for a boy. The summer sun was still high in the sky, but the tide was rolling in, and we were scared we wouldn’t be able to find what we were looking for.

What we sought wasn’t clams or seashells or shards of glass—not even cute little crabs. With my pail and shovel in hand, I dashed through the groups of families heading home for the day, calling her name, just like the day we first became a family ourselves. But this time we were closer, and we knew each other much better.

“Shoma!”

I turned to find my father standing there. Like usual, my mother was right beside him. She was always hovering in his vicinity, and at the time, I found it reassuring. The sight of them standing side by side was a soothing one.

“I’m going to go ask the lifeguard one more time if they’ve seen any lost children. While I’m gone, I want you and Kanba to help your father look for her, okay?” Restlessly, my mother took the pail and shovel from my hands. “But don’t go too far.”

“It’ll be all right. We’ll find her in no time,” my father replied with a confident smile. He was always like that—could always find the words to convince you of his beliefs. Be it windy nights, snowy nights, or nights when we were sick or hungry, he would tell us it would be all right, and sure enough, it was. Even if it actually wasn’t all right, it was to us.

“Let’s go, Shoma,” a young Kanba declared, tugging on my sleeve with a determined look in his eyes. And so the two of us ran aimlessly around the beach.

“Watch your step! Don’t trip!” our father shouted after us, making my back twinge.

“I wonder where she slipped off to, anyways. Little twerp.” For as long as I’d known him, Kanba always liked to act like he was so much older than us. “Let’s search that rocky place.”

It was still early into summer, and on the coast, the wind at sunset was colder than you’d think. The brim of my straw hat flapped in the breeze.

“Himariiii! HIMARIIII!”

Out here, no one else was nearby. Meanwhile, the sun slowly sank beneath the horizon, melting into the sky. Inside the rock cave was a bunch of barnacles and bugs I’d never seen before; we searched all around, but there was no sign of Himari anywhere. Ahead of us, the beach seemed to stretch on endlessly.

“Did you find her?” my father asked as he walked up to us.

He put a hand on my hat—a big, strong hand. When I grew up, I was sure I was going to have hands just like his. But in actuality, my hands turned out a lot smaller and nowhere near as burly. No idea if that was a good or bad thing.

“Knowing her, she probably got lost while looking for seashells,” my father sighed. “Surely she couldn’t have gone very far.”

“Did you find her?” my mother called from a distance as she jogged up. “The lifeguard hasn’t seen her, but he said he’d help look.”

“Dad, we’re gonna go check over there now,” Kanba declared, shooting me a look.

“Okay then, I’ll check the opposite side. But be careful, you two.”

Our father always let us have our independence as much as possible, as long as it wasn’t too dangerous. That was probably the reason why Kanba grew up to be such a reckless hothead. Likewise, I used to be the same as him, but that was before years of looking after him and Himari turned me into a worrywart.

“Shoma, are you all right?” my mother asked, stooping down to smile at me. “Are you feeling worn out? Want to sit and wait with me?”

“Shoma, get over here!” Kanba turned away and ran off across the tangerine sand.

We were all so different, with completely different patterns of thought and behavior. But that didn’t matter because we were a family. At the end of the day, I could rest assured that we’d all meet up and take the same train home…though looking back, I’m not sure how I was so sure of that.

“Sho-chan!”

As I was reliving this distant memory, immersed in a time long since passed, I heard a familiar voice.

“Himari? Is that you?” I answered in my mind.

I looked over at my parents talking to the lifeguard in the distance, then turned and started walking in Kanba’s direction.

“Yup, it’s me. Say, Sho-chan, do you remember the day we went digging for clams?”

“Yeah. It was the first trip we ever took as a family. I remember it all really clearly… Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the ocean. Too long.” Breathing heavily, I moved my boot-clad legs as fast as they would go, chasing after Kanba.

“I was so excited, I accidentally got lost. See, I found these really pretty shells with rainbow colors on the back.”

For as long as I’d known her, Himari loved all things small, cute, or pretty.

“Yeah, I remember. When we finally found you, your little pail was packed full of them,” I snickered. “And Kanba was like, ‘You know you can’t eat those, right?’”

“I was so scared. It felt like everyone else in the world had vanished, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive. But then you found me.”

“Yep. Kanba and me tore the whole beach upside-down looking for you. And as soon as you saw us, you burst into tears.”

Come to think of it, that was perhaps the first time Himari ever let her guard down around us.

“I did, didn’t I? That was the moment I realized I mattered enough for someone to look for me. They were happy tears.”

Chest aching, I finally caught up to Kanba, who was busy searching for Himari in a different rock cave. I took it upon myself to search the surrounding area. But the more I walked, the more I worked up a sweat. Oh, how I wished I could strip off my shirt and my stupid hat.

“No matter how far I wandered, I knew you and Kan-chan would always find me. And it meant a lot to know that someone was willing to look.” I could tell from her voice that she was smiling. “I loved every minute of my life with you two. Thank you so much.”

“What are you talking about? It’s not over yet!”

The simple act of saying it out loud made me sad. How could I possibly stop it from ending? She was going to die tonight or tomorrow. I had no way to overturn that fate.

“Yeah, you’re right. We’ll always be together…which means it’s our turn to go and find Kan-chan.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s lost, just like I was.”

I watched little Kanba climb up on the rock and shout for Himari while scanning the area.

“But…it’s too late now…”

He became a completely different person in the time since then. When he looked at me, his eyes were cold and…resentful, almost.

“You’re the only one who can stop him, Sho-chan.”

“Can I…?”

Kanba vowed to make our parents’ dream come true. Instantly, I knew what he meant by that. But what made him start to think like that? Why did he think saving Himari’s life was inseparably tied to the bombing?

“Find him. Find his heart. He’s all alone right now, and he’s crying.” Her voice was soft and warm, like my mother’s. “Hey, Sho-chan? Do you hate Mom and Dad?”

“Well…” Searching for Himari, I followed Kanba up onto the rock, struggling to keep my balance in the face of the wind.

“They’re still our family, Sho-chan. That’s why I wanted you to remember them.”

And I did. I remembered the feeling of my dad’s burly hands, and I remembered how my mom was always sweet and a tiny bit overprotective. Thanks to them, the three of us had a family and a place to call home.

“Please don’t curse our fate. It was our precious fate that brought us together at all.”

“Himari!”

Kanba’s shout brought me back to the beach. And as the incredibly vivid dream played out in my mind, we found her all over again, all curled up. When she looked up and saw us, sure enough, she burst into tears.

“It’s all right now, Himari.” That was how I always spoke to her at the time.

“Are you hurt, Himari?” Kanba asked. But Himari was too busy sobbing to answer. “I see you found a lotta shells. You know you can’t eat those, right?”

I laughed in spite of myself.

“Daaaad! Moooom! We found Himariiii!” he shouted into the distance, waving them over.

Yes, I dearly loved my family. No matter how far they wandered, no matter what they did, I couldn’t possibly hate them—not now, not ever.

 

As I slowly, gradually awoke, the first thing I noticed was the morning sun streaming in through the open window of the hospital room. On the floor was a white bullet the size of a ping-pong ball. Still, I told myself Kanba didn’t try to kill me.

“Kanba!” I bolted upright. Himari wasn’t in her bed, and all the medical equipment was put away.

“Good morning,” a voice said suddenly.

“Huh?” I looked around the room. “Who’s there?”

“I’m over here.”

My eyes landed on the penguin hat on the bedside table.

“I see you’re finally awake, Takakura Shoma-kun.” The hat’s eyes gleamed faintly. “Hurry. The train of fate will soon depart, and you must board it.”

“Who are you? You’re not the penguin queen.” I hopped off the cot and walked over to it, rubbing my eyes.

“It was your sister’s power that helped me. I’m sure you accepted her help as well.”

The hat’s voice was high-pitched like a child’s, but with a degree of elegance to it that reminded me of Oginome-san. I grabbed the hat and dashed out of the room.

“Takakura-san?”

“Takakura-san, wait!”

The nurses at the nurses’ station called after me, but I ignored them and bolted out of the hospital with Penguin No. 2 in tow.

Kanba actually took Himari, and today, he was planning to recreate the bombing from sixteen years ago. I couldn’t afford to get bogged down in hatred. I needed to stop him and get her back.

“You mustn’t miss the train. The black rabbits are trying to destroy the world, and you two are the only people who can stop it.”

“You two?” I asked the hat in my hand.

“You and Kanba-kun.”

“Kanba? But he’s…”

I raced through the chilly city without a coat on. I just needed to get to the subway—the same place and time as sixteen years ago.

“That train is where you’ll find it,” the hat explained as I gasped for breath.

“Find what?”

“Your Penguindrum.”

I looked down at Penguin No. 2 jogging along at my feet. Likewise, it glanced up at me. Would I recognize the Penguindrum when I saw it?

Even without a coat on, I was already sweating up a storm from all the exercise. I dove into the crowd of commuters and students and followed them through the turnstiles. When I reached the Nishi-Shinjuku Station platform, I boarded the subway.

If the penguin hat was to be believed, then Kanba was somewhere on this train.

 

Ogikubo, Higashi-Koenji, Nakano-sakaue, then Nishi-Shinjuku. As the train followed its route, the men boarded with black teddy bears at each station, camouflaged among the crowd. Likewise, Kanba and Sanetoshi stepped aboard together, waiting quietly for the big moment to roll around.

Sanetoshi was smiling, pleased to have a second chance at this challenging endeavor. No one could stop him this time—even Momoka was cursed into inaction. The people around them were heading off to start another ordinary day, wasting their precious lives being packed into a box. But now he was finally going to set them free. Soon, they would all take the first step toward a just society.

“We humans are such sad, pathetic creatures. We spend our whole lives refusing to set one foot outside our bubbles,” he whispered to Kanba, who listened closely. “We simply can’t cross that line, not even to connect with the person right next to us. We’re all loners at heart. But we’ll never gain anything from staying in these cramped little cages.”

Kanba’s expression didn’t shift a fraction. Instead, he glanced around at the other men holding teddy bears in the train car with them, keeping tabs on them.

“There’s no exit and no one who can save them. The only option is to destroy it all. The cages…the people…the world!” Sanetoshi declared, suppressing the chuckle in his throat. His long hair shook, and a yellow ring rippled outward through the train car.

“Kanba!” Shoma shouted hoarsely.

Kanba slowly turned in the direction of the voice. Shoma was standing there amid the passengers, bedhead in full force, staring him down.

“So you showed up,” he replied, unsurprised, as if he’d predicted it.

“Let’s settle this, Kanba.”

Shoma was clutching the penguin hat tightly in one hand. She believed that the two of them could do it—even if it wasn’t exactly according to fate.