Chapter 06

Chapter 06

 

IF DESTINY WAS TRULY A PART of every single human being’s life, then we must have shared our time together while trapped inside our individual cages. We didn’t know if we could ever leave, but even then, we never gave up. Most likely, we carried that memory with us from before we were born.

“Where am I? Why am I here?”

I was inside a wooden box with metal bars over the opening. But there was nothing beyond those bars—or at least, nothing that I could see. I didn’t know how long I was in there, nor did I know whether I would ever get to leave. But as I sat there, I found myself torn between a desire to leave and a strange sense of apathy.

The silence made my ears ring. Then I heard a faint sound in the distance. Perking up my ears, I grabbed the bars of the cage and squinted out at the darkness. Sure enough, there was another cage out there. And behind its bars was a young Kanba.

“Who are you?” I asked bluntly.

“Who are you?” he asked back.

That was the moment our lives intersected. Neither of us knew why we were forced to be here. But while we were both scared and vaguely frustrated, neither of us felt like there was anything we could do about it, and eventually it all stopped mattering. Here inside the cages, there was no food or water.

“Hey, Shoma, you alive in there?” Kanba called hoarsely.

“Yeah, I’m alive. You?” I was curled up on the floor of my cage, refusing to budge.

“Just barely. Ugh, I’m so dizzy… Y’know, I was having a dream where I was eating a big plate of curry.” He scratched his head.

“Wow, that sounds good. I should start eating in my dreams, too,” I mused.

“Don’t bother. Seriously, it only makes you hungrier when you wake up. Besides…”

“Besides, what?”

“We shouldn’t sleep anymore or else we might not wake up again.” His expression was cold and hard.

“You mean we’ll die?” If so, then that meant we were alive right now.

“Yeah. At this rate, at least.”

If we were fated to die here right from the start, then why were we alive at all?

 

As Kanba and I eyed each other across the train car, Watase Sanetoshi chuckled, and the penguin hat in my hand grew faintly warm. Just then, the subway lights all clicked off, and the crowds of passengers all disappeared from sight. In the darkness, I could see black teddy bears scattered all throughout the train car, their scarlet eyes glowing.

“Simply stunning.” Sanetoshi clapped his white-gloved hands. “Welcome aboard the train of fate.”

“Where’s Himari?! Give her back!” I thought I wasn’t scared anymore, but my voice was threatening to crack.

“She’s right here.” Kanba’s eyes were even more vacant than they were at the hospital, like glass marbles with an eerie sheen.

Sanetoshi smirked and twirled his cape-like white jacket. It stretched to fill the entire train car. Instinctively, I ducked, shielding my head. Then the scent of supple plants hit my nostrils.

“Himari!”

The pitch-black train car rolled sideways, and everything went white—the floor, the seats, the hanging straps, all of it. Unlike the darkness, it felt like a true void, and it was terrifying. Then, between where Kanba and I were standing, an entire four-poster bed appeared with Himari in it. Her long, soft hair spread out over the faint peach-pink sheets, framing her ghostly pale face. Her eyes were firmly closed, and she was so small, the bed practically engulfed her.

Kanba stared at me, his gaze unwavering. “The only way to save Himari’s life is to complete the mission.”

“How is that supposed to save her?! What will you get out of it, Kanba?! Are you seriously going to hurt even more people?!”

He narrowed his eyes slightly. “It’s our Survival Tactic.”

“Survival Tactic?” I’d heard the phrase a dozen times by now. Maybe Tabuki Keiju mentioned it in class at one point: biological survival strategies. But what did it mean?

“A pure biosphere is controlled by a framework of self-serving rules that exist beyond humanity’s capacity for good or evil. Morality has no meaning. In other words, there is no one in the world who can stop this destiny.” Sanetoshi spread his arms out wide. “Behold.”

The black teddy bears rose up, scattered around the bright white void. As they started to spin, the world slowly turned back into a pitch-black train car. Himari was still in bed asleep, swaying with the motions of the speeding train.

“Pure? This is your idea of pure?” If being a pure biological organism meant hurting everyone around us, then I would sooner be tainted. I would choose to be a sinful human with a functioning moral compass.

I could hear a ticking sound, like that of a timer. I looked down at the penguin hat clutched tightly in my hand. What was I supposed to do now? I could see Kanba and Himari right in front of me, both still very much in human form. But I couldn’t get through to Kanba at all, and it felt like there was nothing left.

“Watch closely, Momoka-chan. This time, you will witness the destruction of the world.” With a satisfied smirk, he glanced at the hat.

“Kanba, why…?” I mumbled.

But Kanba didn’t seem to hear me. He just stood there perfectly still, surrounded by black teddy bears, unblinking.

 

Inside the cages, we grew gaunt, sitting around for what felt like an eternity with our minds less than sharp. Our senses were growing numb, and our joints ached from all the time spent sitting still.

“Shoma, are you still alive?” asked Kanba in a feeble voice.

I didn’t even have the strength to look over at him. “Yeah, and I take it you are too.”

For some reason, it felt like a good thing. Even if we were going to die eventually, I was glad it hadn’t happened yet.

“Hey, why don’t we make a promise?”

“What kind of promise?”

“At this rate, one of us is gonna die. So we should make this promise while we still have time.” Groaning faintly, Kanba pushed himself up into a sitting position. “If one of us manages to get out alive, we have to do something the other one wanted to do. And there’s something I wanna say to the person I love.”

I knew nothing of the world outside my cage. I didn’t even know if it existed—did anyone? But at the same time, it seemed like a good idea. We needed the morale boost.

“So you want me to pass on a message? Maybe I should do that, too. But what would I even say?”

I attempted to picture the concept of “the person I love.” The image in my head was soft and scary, sweet and sour, painful and precious. Seems about right.

“What the heck? What’s this?” I could hear Kanba rustling around in his cage.

“What’s wrong?” I asked without moving.

“There’s something in here, in the corner of my cage.”

I just barely managed to raise my heavy head and look in Kanba’s direction. His little hand was holding a bright red apple.

“It’s an apple,” he muttered, dumbstruck. “There was an apple in here!”

That was the moment I knew that Kanba was chosen.

“Hey, I bet you have one, too. You should look!”

“I don’t,” I replied without missing a beat. “You’ve been chosen, Kanba.”

“Chosen? By who? For what?”

“They’ve decided that you’re the one who’s going to survive. So I guess you better keep that promise, okay? Pass on a message to the person I love. I just can’t think of what to say yet.”

It was a stunning revelation, but I didn’t feel like crying or mourning. At some point, we came to believe that it was normal for humans to be filtered into different categories. I couldn’t remember where I learned this, but even though I hated it, a part of me was ready to accept it anyway.

“Okay. Sorry… I guess this is fate.”

Was that how fate shaped our lives—shaped the world? Were we destined to wait for death without ever breaking out of the box?

 

We froze, unmoving, just glaring at each other. I could relate to Kanba’s desire to save Himari; even in that very moment, I was pretty sure I understood how he must have felt. But why did it have to involve throwing in his lot with Watase Sanetoshi and KIGA? Was Sanetoshi really a ghost? Was he once human?

“You still don’t get it? The sky above him was always dark, and we humans need light,” Sanetoshi sighed, bored. “Now that he’s finally found a ray of hope, it’s the only thing that gives his life meaning.”

Was he talking about Himari? If so, then we had something in common.

“Right now, the world is trying to take that light from him. And you’re taking their side, casting him into the abyss and leaving him to die.”

“No! I wouldn’t do that!”

Not once had I ever wanted to steal from Kanba. Regardless of whether his light was Himari or something else entirely, I never contemplated taking it for myself, much less abandoning him.

“Kanba!”

I called his name, but he didn’t answer. Maybe we took him for granted. We were together for years, but how well did I really know him? Maybe I’d hurt him without realizing. Was this my punishment?

“I’m the only one who can save him. I can give him enough power to reach the light. What can you give him?” Sanetoshi raised his eyebrows, scoffing at me.

“What can I…give Kanba…?”

Nothing, I thought to myself. Watase Sanetoshi wasn’t talking about cooking him dinner or ironing his shirts or nagging him or helping him with his homework. He was talking about something bigger—something life changing. I couldn’t give him anything like that; I didn’t have anything like that. Had I lived my whole life dumping my sins on Kanba’s shoulders?

Just then, the train of fate came to a sudden stop. Thrown off-balance, I let out a yelp. When I looked out the window, I could see the perfectly ordinary Yotsuya Station platform… I was running out of time.

“Oginome-san!”

She staggered onto the train, wearing a badly charred school uniform, and glared at Sanetoshi. She had a cut on her cheek, and her glossy hair was slightly tousled.

“I’m going to save Himari-chan! It’s my destiny!” Her eyes shone ever more defiantly from beneath her thick bangs.

“Oginome-san, what are you doing here?”

She was supposed to go to my house to pick up some clothes for us, but then she never showed up at the hospital. Rest assured, I hadn’t forgotten that little detail. But I really wasn’t expecting to see her on this train.

“I’m here to transfer Himari-chan’s fate. I’ll use the spell from the diary and save her life.” Her face in profile exuded strength, determination, and dignity.

I remembered Yuri-san talking about the “transfer of fate” at some point in the past. But even if it was truly possible, we didn’t have the diary.

“I see someone’s a hard worker.” Sanetoshi smirked faintly. “But how will you do that now that the diary’s been burned to ash? You don’t know the spell—the most important words Momoka-chan left behind.”

Sanetoshi seemed to be having the time of his life. He looked at Oginome-san with full confidence that he was going to succeed.

“Oh, I know them. I know the most important words. And I’m gonna take a gamble!”

I thought back to the time I found Oginome-san chatting with Double H outside my house. We named the album after the words that always meant the most to her, the pop star duo had said. Then they gave Oginome-san their new CD and walked off.

I didn’t know the words that meant the most to Himari. Or maybe I simply didn’t know enough about her, or Kanba, or myself, or the world around us. Still, my only choice was to keep living. Was that not enough?

“Do you? Are you sure? If you recite the incantation, you’ll pay the price, you know. The flames of the curse will consume you, and you’ll cease to exist.” Sanetoshi scrutinized my expression, then Oginome-san’s, endlessly amused. “Aren’t you frightened?”

“If it means I can save someone I love, then I’m willing to accept my punishment!” she declared, unwavering. And in that moment, she was beautiful.

“No! Stop! We’re the ones who should take the punishment!”

“Shoma-kun…” She looked at me sadly.

“Right, Kanba? Kanba!”

I turned back to my brother standing beside Sanetoshi. He wasn’t looking at us, but rather, slightly lower. Contained within those glass marbles was a deep abyss, endless like space itself…and reminiscent of Sanetoshi’s. His star-studded gaze flew right past us.

“This was always our fate. We Takakura siblings have been cursed by our past…ever since we first met all those years ago.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! That’s not true!” Oginome-san shouted.

“It’s okay. I finally understand why I didn’t die back there… It was all for this moment.” I smiled at her, then turned to my brother. “Kanba, I’m going to get you back. Even if it costs me everything!”

Even if it meant going against the rules of our pure biosphere.

But right as Kanba finally glanced in my direction—

“Survival Tactiiiic!”

“Huh?” Stupidly, I belatedly realized I was no longer holding the penguin hat. “Where’s the hat?!”

A gust of wind shot straight through the subway—so hard, it took my breath away. Suddenly, my vision was obscured with white lace and frills…sparkly buttons…waves of adorable ribbons…and the smell of Himari’s shampoo. It was all so overwhelming, I could barely stand; crouching down low, I cradled my head in my arms. But though I was startled, I wasn’t frightened in the least.

Soap bubbles and the sound of someone humming. A yellow star reminiscent of a Christmas decoration. The soft tinkling of a music box. Brightly colored balls of yarn. The smell of chocolate and vanilla essence. Smiling, I blinked back tears. As far as I could tell, this wasn’t the work of that foul-mouthed queen. This was a space Himari had created—I was sure of it almost instantly.

The wind softened, and I straightened up. Sure enough, I could see none other than Himari herself, walking out from between the folds of white fabric. She was wearing the penguin hat, but her eyes weren’t glowing red. Then the frills on the collar, sleeves, and hem of her white nightgown began to puff up even larger. Slowly, she examined her own handiwork.

“Kan-chan,” she murmured. At this, the decadent frills of her nightgown stretched straight down to the uneven white fabric floor, creating a path. I followed her gaze and spotted Kanba floating in midair, surrounded by dozens upon dozens of black teddy bears, hanging his head.

“Kanba!” I called to him. But he didn’t look up. He was standing upright, but he was as still as a corpse.

Barefoot, Himari dashed up the white fabric path to reach him. The white lace of her nightgown brushed against her slender arms, waist, and thighs, enveloping her, spreading out to engulf the entire space in one fluttering motion.

“Kan-chan, wake up!” she called out, her voice carrying through the teddy bear cage that surrounded him. Her bare feet were now completely buried in the frilly fabric floor, as if the space itself was contained entirely within the bounds of her nightgown. “I came to get you, Kan-chan. Let’s go home now, okay?” Her long hair swayed as she tilted her head.

“Home? What home? I can’t go home yet…I still haven’t achieved my…”

Before he could finish his sentence, she pushed her way through the teddy bears and wrapped her arms around him. The bears started to spin, their eyes glinting scarlet.

“Himari!” I attempted to climb up the frilly path created from her nightgown, but every step was so pillowy, I could scarcely keep my balance.

The bears spun in a circle around Himari and Kanba, causing a rainbow of ice shards to rain down on them. In the light, the cold ice cast beautiful patterns on the white fabric, like a stained-glass window. But the chill froze Himari’s body and slowly started to damage the white fabric world.

“Look—life is its own punishment, right? The whole time I lived in the Takakura house, I was dealt dozens of little punishments,” Himari explained, cupping Kanba’s cheek and smiling. One of the bigger ice shards struck the back of her hand, and the wound swiftly began to bleed, trickling across her skin.

If life really was its own punishment, then the three of us had endured punishment for years now—right from the moment we were born. Slowly but surely, I made my way up the soft, pillowy path.

“Sho-chan’s very particular about stuff. Did you know he keeps all the seasonings in a specific order? Salt, pepper, soy sauce, rice wine, mirin, soup mix. And he nags us like he’s our mom too. ‘Quit eating chips or you’ll spoil your appetite!’ I swear, he treats us like little kids. And you always fall into a food coma right after we eat. We keep warning you that you’ll turn into a cow, but you always ignore us. Of course, if I tried to do that, you’d get mad at me, you hypocrite!” She giggled. “You always leave your used tissues everywhere, and you always leave the toilet seat up. That’s why Sho-chan makes fun of your filthy playboy germs.”

Icicle arrows in red, blue, yellow, and green came flooding down in a torrent far more intense than that of rain or snow, all of it aiming for Himari. Her fluffy long nightgown was torn to shreds, and her body was dotted with bloody cuts.

“Himari!”

Truth be told, I didn’t choose to have Kanba in my life. I never understood why he got to be the “older brother” when we were both born on the same day. Nevertheless, on the day Mom and Dad brought him into the family, I was told to call him Aniki. But things weren’t that simple. We couldn’t just start being brothers from that day on. I never even wanted an older brother.

I staggered again and again, fighting my way up the white fabric to reach the place where they stood. At the rate things were going, Himari was going to bleed to death. That wasn’t her punishment—it was meant to be mine.

“But even then, we still stayed together. And no matter how small or boring the punishments were, the next thing we knew, it all turned into special memories. I mean, it’s thanks to you and Sho-chan that I feel like I really lived. I was Takakura Himari—I laughed, I cried, I got mad…and I loved you.” There was no pain in her voice, and she refused to pull away from Kanba. “I don’t want to forget you… I don’t want to lose you.”

But Kanba kept staring out at the sparkling ice arrows.

“Himari! Kanba!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, but I couldn’t tell if my voice could reach them. They still felt so far away.

“Kan-chan, please, come home.” Himari squeezed him tighter, and the teddy bears hit her with even more ice—enough for them to disappear behind.

“I can’t. I still haven’t given you anything,” he replied in a flat, emotionless voice. “I can’t give you anything.”

My eyes widened. All this time, Kanba stood there unscathed—but now, suddenly, he was bleeding.

“Kanba!”

The bright crimson looked so gruesomely vivid against the white background. The fabric at their feet turned from pink to deep scarlet—and the pool of blood was spreading quickly. Kanba’s back arched as he screamed in pain.

“Kan-chan! It’s okay! You’ll be okay, Kan-chan!”

Himari pulled back slightly. Then she reached up, looking directly into his eyes, and cupped his face with both hands. His blood fell onto her forehead, cheeks, and the bare skin beneath her shredded nightgown. But she kept staring at him, unblinking.

It was Kanba who first suggested we repaint the wall of our house. I was originally against the idea. We were already social pariahs; I didn’t want us to draw even more attention to ourselves. But Kanba said he didn’t care what anyone else thought—he just wanted to make our house the kind of place Himari would always want to come home to, no matter what it took. He told me if it caused any problems, he would handle it himself.

Looking back, that was probably the moment that I finally acknowledged Kanba as my older brother. Somehow I sensed that he was willing to stand up and protect us. After that, things stopped being awkward between the three of us. Calling Kanba “Aniki” felt natural—comfortable, even. Over a long, long time, we gradually became real siblings, and after that, we were a real family.

“Kan-chan! Kan-chan!” Himari wiped the blood from his cheek and smiled. “You’ve done enough, Kan-chan. You don’t have to go this far.”

At her voice, Kanba stopped wailing. The light was returning to his eyes—the same headstrong eyes I remembered so fondly.

By now the majority of Himari’s world was stained red, and it had already reached my feet. But I stepped into that pool of blood without hesitation. They were so close.

“See? It doesn’t hurt, does it?”

No, it didn’t hurt. It wasn’t sad or scary. I accepted and loved Kanba as my brother, and he probably loved me, too. This was not a punishment meant for one person alone.

His blood formed dozens of bright red apples that rose up into the white fabric world, one by one. Then they formed an even bigger circle around the circle of teddy bears and slowly began to rotate.

“Himari…” It was Kanba’s voice, without a doubt.

“Kan-chan! It’s you! Welcome home.”

Himari smiled brightly, then collapsed on the spot. Kanba caught her and wiped the blood off her face with his palm. Gently, he ran a finger over the cut on her forehead. Only then did I finally reach them; I doubled over, gasping for breath.

“I had a lot of fun all these years,” I grinned. “Thank you, Kanba. I’ll give you back everything you gave me—including the life you shared with me.”

Gingerly, I pulled out the precious treasure burning brightly in my chest.

“We’ll share it all—our love and our punishment.”

As Kanba stared blankly back at me, I reached out with one hand and wiped the blood from his forehead.

“Kan-chan,” Himari whispered up at him as she held him. “Look! See? This is the Penguindrum.”

The borrowed life in my hand changed shape into half of an apple.

“You remember this, right, Aniki?”

His eyes widened as he looked at me. “Shoma…”

Sure enough, it was the voice of the Kanba we knew.

Back in that wooden cage, I was meant to die because I wasn’t one of the chosen. But then Kanba split his apple in half and reached out through the bars of his cage as far as he could stretch in order to give it to me.

“Kanba…?” Wearily, I looked at him through the bars.

He nodded firmly, then stretched out even farther. Likewise, I reached out to him, attempting to take the other half of the apple. I was sure my fingers would reach. I was going to survive—he was giving me half of his life.

That was the moment Kanba chose me, and together, we shared the fruit of fate.

 

The next thing I knew, I was back on the subway train, sitting on the floor. Hastily, I jumped to my feet. Previously Kanba was standing next to Sanetoshi, but now he was at Himari’s bedside, cradling her in her unscathed nightgown and penguin hat. She was hugging her beloved pink teddy bear to her chest.

“Let’s share the fruit of fate!”

Oginome-san’s shrill voice rang out across the train car. Covering my ears, I whirled around and saw her face to face with Sanetoshi, her shoulders heaving. Then the entire train began to rattle like there was an earthquake, and the black teddy bears fell off their seats one by one. Likewise, Oginome-san hit the floor. I moved toward her, but the train pitched sideways, and as the teddy bears rolled around, their color changed to white.

She successfully recited the fate transfer spell. The penguin hat slipped off Himari’s head and fell to the floor. Sanetoshi looked at us, his expression twisted in pain.

“The transfer of fate will now begin,” said a calm, pre-recorded voice over the intercom. “For those who wish to transfer, please head directly to the opposite platform to ensure you do not miss your next train.”

I sucked in a breath and looked up.

“As a result of the incantation, a penalty will now be incurred. Please keep a safe distance from your fellow passengers.”

“Oginome-san!”

But before I could finish, her body burst into flames.

So I dove into the fire and wrapped my arms around her.

 

As the train of fate pulled into the next station to facilitate the transfer, there was already another train waiting on the opposite side—perfectly ordinary from the looks of it. Kanba deboarded, carrying Himari in his arms. Then he crossed the platform to the other train, stepped aboard, and laid her down on the empty seats. He touched the one small cut left on Himari’s large forehead and wished he could put an adhesive bandage on it, just like she’d always done for him.

“The transfer of fate will soon conclude. If you wish to transfer, please hurry to the next train immediately.”

At the announcement, Kanba looked up. Then he rose to his feet, stepped off Himari’s train, and slowly backed away across the platform until he returned to the train of fate.

“You kids will never be able to escape the curse. Nor can I,” Sanetoshi declared smugly, his long white jacket fluttering behind him as he wandered aimlessly through the train car. He seemed restless. “You’ll never gain anything as long as you’re stuck in your little boxes! Every last trace of this world is going to disappear. There will be nothing left!”

His voice echoed as he stepped down onto the platform. But Kanba couldn’t seem to hear him anymore. Eventually, he began to melt into the background like fog.

“You kids will never find true happiness.”

Shoma cradled Ringo’s burned body, and for the first time, he realized just how soft and supple she was. She looked at him, pain in her eyes, but her resolve was unwavering and beautiful. She couldn’t speak; all she could do was blink at him.

“Oginome-san, thank you, but…this is our punishment to bear. I love you,” he told her gently. Then he kissed her scorching hot lips. All at once, the flames moved from her body to his, burning ever brighter.

“Shoma-kun!”

Freed from the heat and pain, Ringo tried to pull away from him. She knew he was going to try to take her off the train of fate. But nevertheless, he lifted her up with what little strength he had left.

“Shoma-kun, stop! Let go!”

The edges of his shoulders were burning away to ash.

“Shoma-kun, you jerk! Stop! Let me go! I’m coming with you! I already decided I’m going to accept the punishment!”

But no matter how hard she struggled, Shoma simply grinned back. “This is goodbye. Now make sure you go get on that other train.”

Smiling softly, Shoma set Ringo down on the platform. Then the automatic doors slid shut, and the train chime played, signaling its imminent departure. She collapsed on the spot; her mouth opened, but no words came. As she ruminated on the soft sensation lingering on her lips, she gazed into the train car at the flames burning inside.

Shoma and Kanba sat side by side on Himari’s empty bed as they, the white teddy bears, and the bed itself burned up in the fire. All of it was slowly being written out of existence.

“Shoma, I finally found what true hope looks like,” Kanba said softly.

“Yeah, I know. I saw it too, you know,” Shoma snickered.

Then the burning train started moving. It glittered like a shooting star as it carried the boys off to a different fate, leaving the girls behind on the path to life.

Ringo staggered onto the remaining train and plopped down next to Himari as she slept. Then she reached out and stroked her long hair.

“Shoma-kun…”

What would happen to her feelings after the transfer was finished?

Then the train doors closed, and it quietly rolled out of the station, guiding them to a new destiny.

 

On the empty platform sandwiched between two sets of deserted train tracks, a defeated Sanetoshi stood alone, his hands stuffed into his jacket pockets, unmoving.

“Hey.” It was Momoka who called out to him, holding two empty penguin hats in her hands. “The trains are gone, you know.”

She walked up to him and looked up at his face with her big, round eyes. He met her gaze, but didn’t smile.

“They’ll be back eventually.” Sanetoshi withdrew a hand from his pocket and ran it through his long hair. But his glossy locks had no appeal here in the dark.

“If you say so. Well, I’m gonna go now,” she declared matter-of-factly.

“Right,” he replied in a detached voice.

“If you want to come with me, I’ll show you the way.” She offered her hand.

“Goodbye,” he answered without a single second of consideration.

She sighed and retracted her hand. “Goodbye then.” And with that, she turned and walked away.

Standing stock-still on the hard asphalt of the platform, Sanetoshi let out a heavy sigh that resounded through the darkness. His breath chased after Momoka, glowing ever so faintly, but ultimately it failed to reach her.