Chapter 4.2

So, not long after the news spread in the camp that Du Bingyan was indeed a woman, a stunningly beautiful young lady was seen being carried on horseback by the mighty general, leaving the crowd in stunned amazement as they trotted off.

The rumors about a homosexual affair were naturally dispelled!

Many who had been rude to Du Bingyan were now secretly praying that she wouldn’t hold a grudge! Offending the general’s wife was a serious matter! Once the general found out, they would face military punishment, not to mention worse consequences.

The separate residence of Yuan Buqu was a far cry from the luxurious mansions of the capital! But compared to the buildings in the vicinity, it was much better. In this impoverished place, as long as the house was sturdy, it was considered good enough! There was no room for further luxury.

Moreover, after days of living in a tent and sleeping on a rough, hard military bed, Du Bingyan was already grateful for a real house and soft bed. The courtyard house was clean, with some flowers and plants, and several servants taking care of it. Overall, it was satisfactory.

This made her think of the gilded decorations in the general’s residence. She sat on the bed and asked him, “Did you imagine that Li Yuhu was a vain woman?”

Yuan Buqu, after the servants had set up the food and drink and left, waved them away and said, “Those arrangements have remained unchanged for four years.” He never concerned himself with a woman’s preferences.

“Do you like it?”

“Decorating rooms is a woman’s job. I don’t interfere.” He smiled, sitting in a chair and gazing at her beautiful appearance in women’s clothing. She was even more beautiful than he had imagined! Surely, no amount of jewelry could compare to her. She didn’t need any adornments to shine; she radiated beauty naturally, making people yearn for her.

Feeling uneasy under his strange gaze, Du Bingyan suddenly asked, “Your—your previous wife should be very beautiful, right?”

He didn’t answer, squinting at her.

Du Bingyan bit her lip and continued, “I’m just curious; you don’t have to answer.” Heaven knew she was dying of curiosity! During her days at the general’s residence, there were several rumors among the servants; also, Li Yuhu had mentioned the cause of death was unclear. Of course, she never believed the rumors, especially as she got to know Yuan Buqu better; she knew he wasn’t someone who habitually defended himself.

“Are you afraid I’ll kill you?” He extended his long arm and pulled her into his embrace; his eyes carried both anger and self-mockery.

“You wouldn’t.” She said softly, no longer avoiding his gaze. She relaxed and sat on his lap, feeling a bit shy but not struggling.

“What have you heard?” he asked.

Bingyan gathered her thoughts and mentioned some of the less hurtful rumors: “Your first wife died of illness in winter, the second wife died from a miscarriage, and you were not present during either event.”

“I was on the battlefield.” He sighed. “My first wife was as delicate as you, an adopted daughter of a tenant farmer. Overworked with household chores, she fell ill all over her body and was eventually cast out by her adoptive parents! At that time, I was ill and traveling from Yangzhou to Luoyang. Sharing the same plight, I married her and did hard work to treat her illness. Later, I met Uncle Sha and his son, who introduced me to the army; I entrusted her to an old woman’s care and went to fight. Three years later, after achieving merit, when I returned and was waiting to be rewarded, she had passed away one snowy winter night. Rumors spread that I, having risen to fame and fortune, had forced out my ailing wife in pursuit of my teacher’s daughter. At that time, Teacher Fang did intend to marry his daughter to me to comfort my grief over my wife’s death, but I refused. Then, a year later, I married a courtesan because she claimed to be pregnant with my child; that room was her creation. Apart from being materialistic, she was tolerable. But within three months of marriage, she tripped over her pearl necklace, and this fall not only caused her to lose the child but also her life. I was then at the court meeting the emperor. But rumors outside said I had destroyed her because I doubted the identity of the child in her womb.”

“You clearly don’t care about who your wife is, do you?” Du Bingyan concluded. Marrying a sick woman or even a courtesan, but rejecting an official’s daughter—does he believe his status isn’t worthy of any respectable woman? In the end, was he just looking for an heir, which is why he planned to marry Yuhu? At least she was healthy and capable of having children, despite her background.

He smiled.

“Why should I care? I’ve never bothered with women!”

“Well, I’m truly honored!” she replied with a light snort.

“Indeed! I can’t afford to neglect my only wife! I have no intention of looking for another woman.” He held her tighter with both arms.

“But I… Li Yuhu…”

“Don’t mention her!” He silenced her with a kiss. “I won’t change! I won’t! I won’t! Do you understand? I’m determined to have you!”

“Ziren, you can’t be unreasonable!” she whispered.

“You’re mine, and don’t think I’ll let you go! I’ve seen your body, I’ve kissed your lips, do you need more proof?” He stared at her fiercely.

Du Bingyan, frightened, pushed against him, trying to escape, but it was futile.

“You can’t do this! Li Yuhu was far more beautiful than I am, stronger, and better. She could easily bear your children!”

“I only want you to bear my child! Rest assured, I will take good care of you, and you’ll live with me for another thirty or fifty years. I won’t let you die! Even if Li Yuhu were a celestial being, it doesn’t matter to me.”

He seemed to have made a decision in his heart, suddenly lifting her and laying her on the bed, pinning her down so she couldn’t move.

What is he planning to do? Du Bingyan’s face turned pale with fear, and the sudden flush on her cheeks revealed her shyness!

“Your…” Her unfinished words were covered by his lips.

“Tomorrow—” He buried his face in her hair and spoke to her in a low, seductive voice, “The official confrontation between the armies will begin. Even if it’s a swift battle, it will still take three to four months. Once the war starts, we must be prepared for casualties; and because I can’t ensure your safety during the war, I’ve brought you here. I need to tell you, no matter what you think, I’m determined to have you! Unless I die, you won’t be allowed to bear any name other than ‘Yuan’.”

“Are you serious?” she asked softly.

“To what extent do you need to understand that I’m not joking?” He sighed. If he were a bit more selfish, he would have taken advantage of her body, making her give up on any other thoughts. But she was not like other women; he couldn’t be indifferent towards her, nor could he use her as a mere tool for producing heirs. What if he died in battle? Preserving her purity was a guarantee of her future happiness; he couldn’t rob her of it! It was because he cared that he thought about her. As long as he could return, she would be his reward!

He sat up, gazing at her intently as if trying to imprint her face deeply on his mind, never blinking.

If heaven was willing to give him such a noble girl, then he would return alive. If heaven thought he didn’t deserve her, there would be other decisions. He had never sought what did not belong to him in his life; even his current status was earned through risking his life more than anyone else. His life had no room for “luck,” only more suffering than others. Even if his heart felt injustice, he gritted his teeth and endured it as a form of training.

He was originally just a warrior, a rough person. His late father’s martial arts hall and escort agency were all about training thugs to protect wealthy clients. Without the later upheaval, he might still be an illiterate escort, taking blows and cuts for the rich.

So, even though he later rose to prominence, he never made an effort to join high society or become a socialite, nor did he mingle with scholars. He also did not disguise his disdain for newly emerged relatives and friends, leading everyone to think he was cold-hearted. He never defended himself, and many rumors spread, especially about his deceased wife.

He never participated in official banquets or social gatherings. He preferred to ride horses and fight on the battlefield rather than deal with scheming people. His innate roughness craved the call of the wild, and he believed he was destined to be disconnected from elegance and nobility.

But then she appeared! Even in her initial disheveled state, she couldn’t hide her exceptional grace and noble demeanor. Her grace was innate, and while she appeared delicate and pitiful, it wasn’t pretentious; she was shockingly innocent yet exceptionally clever. He was captivated by her from that moment. It was rare for him to develop such a strong desire to possess something without even knowing her background. He didn’t understand why, only that a certain emptiness in his heart was filled—he wanted her.

If it weren’t for the heavens’ arrangement, why would it be her, Du Bingyan, entering his door instead of Li Yuhu? Such a strange occurrence had never been heard of in thousands of years. He didn’t care about the reaction from the Qi family; the fact that he had chosen Bingyan wouldn’t change. Even if he had to use his power to force it, he wouldn’t hesitate.

Du Bingyan lay half-reclined at the head of the bed, close enough for him to easily kiss her; her cheeks flushed red under his gaze.

“Are you really not going to let me go?” she wondered. This kind of lingering gaze must be the look a husband gives his wife! Her entire body was ablaze with heat.

“You may only remarry if you receive news of my death.”

“Don’t say that!” She cried out in alarm, grabbing his shoulders. Oh, he always jokes about death!

“I can be a widow of the Qi family, but I have no intention of being a widow of the Yuan family! Is my life really that hard? Does everyone who touches me die? You need to come back alive. If you want to be my husband, you must not die!”

A warm feeling surged in Yuan Buqu’s heart. He had never known that someone’s concern could move him so deeply! This beautiful person made him feel as if he were tethered to her, unable to let go.

“Do you care about me?” He cupped her face, not allowing her to avoid his gaze.

“I care!” she said with a pitiful tone. He was extorting affection from her, and sadly, her heart was willing to give in to his every demand. All concerns about propriety and rules were forgotten! At least in this lifetime, she wanted to make her own decisions without thinking of anything else. No Qi family, no Du family, no Li Yuhu—just her and the man she wanted. That’s enough! Let her be selfish for once. May heaven forgive her!

“Are you willing to give yourself to me body and soul, to wait for me?”

She nodded, no longer able to resist! Her heart, once lost, was now bound to him. Her eyes surely conveyed this message, and Yuan Buqu bent down to kiss her, his lips teasing her with lingering affection.

“Heaven knows! You are the only woman I want. I never knew a man could be moved by something other than his career!” To put it bluntly, he had previously thought that marrying was only for venting and procreation or pity, nothing more! How wrong he was! The smile and insightful words of Sha Shao flashed in his mind: “You’ve come to your senses! It means all the suffering is truly over!” Now he understood clearly!

Du Bingyan clung to his shoulder, her heart racing. Her mind felt like it was burning with heat, unable to think of anything else. His heat seemed to aim to consume her. “Ziren…” Her voice was weak, both fearful and shy.

“Oh—Heaven!” Yuan Buqu roared, suddenly pushing her away, taking a deep breath! He was about to lose control! Not now! He couldn’t do this to her now. “I’m going back to the camp!”

“Ziren!” She tugged at his sleeve, holding onto his arm tightly, her voice pitiful. “You said I’m your wife!”

“When I return victorious, I will claim everything that belongs to me.”

“No!” She looked at him resolutely.

“What?” He asked in surprise.

“Don’t think you can claim to be my husband and then abandon me! If you don’t stay tonight and don’t come back alive in three or four months, if I haven’t married someone else, I’ll certainly become a widow for the Qi family! You decide.” She threatened him, though her flushed face diminished her imposing manner!

“Don’t you understand that I’m thinking of you?” He had never been so “noble” in his life. And she… this woman actually didn’t appreciate it! She continued to tease him, a man burning with desire!

“All I know is that you don’t want me.” Great! She had made him lose his reason! This time, he could not be blamed for lacking gentlemanly conduct!

Yuan Buqu’s eyes blazed with intense fire, and he rasped, “I’ll make you know how much I want you! This time, I’m not planning to be a gentleman!” He tore down the silk curtains. As the new moon rose, in this humble guesthouse, Yuan Buqu consummated his marriage with his new bride. Possessing this noble and elegant young lady, whom he had never dared to touch before, made his life suddenly precious. He knew that no matter what, he could not die easily; this woman was now his. In this life, he would shield her from the wind and rain, and no one else would replace his place—he would not allow it!

At four o’clock in the morning, the sky outside was dark and gloomy, with nothing but the sound of the wind. Yuan Buqu, dressed only in his inner robe, draped his outer robe over Bingyan, holding her in his lap as they sat by the table, drinking the now-cold wine together.

“In a few days, Uncle Li will come to escort you back to the General’s residence. I sent a letter to the capital yesterday, informing him of your news.”

“Isn’t it fine here?” She didn’t want to be so far from him and gazed at him wistfully.

Yuan Buqu lowered his head and lightly kissed her red lips, savoring the sweetness that made him lose his mind. She was his! This realization made his blood boil, driving him to repeatedly seek confirmation of this dreamlike reality. “Unless we suffer a defeat, our army will only retreat to Liangma City, and I don’t plan on losing. Our army will attack Xue Yantuo and then join forces with Ashina Du’er in Liangzhou. Two armies will press the attack until we achieve victory. Afterwards, we’ll meet in Taiyuan, and the three armies will return to the capital together. I want you to wait for me in the capital.”

“I understand.” She nodded. Then, hesitating, she looked at him and recalled the ostentatious and gaudy decorations in the residence. Finally, she said, “I hope you don’t mind if I make some changes to the furnishings in the residence.”

He immediately understood. “I don’t mind. Just go ahead and do as you wish. Uncle Li will help you. I already instructed in my letter to remove the gaudy clothing and to have new garments made for you. I didn’t pay attention to the furnishings issue.”

“Are you sure Steward Li won’t mind?” She raised her brows, still clearly remembering the cold reception she received from Steward Li and his disdain for her.

“Of course not. Uncle Li now knows that you are important to me and would never dare to neglect you. Rest assured!” He gently pinched her nose and smiled softly.

This conversation, with their ears close together, was just an attempt to pretend to forget the merciless passage of time. But reality had to be faced eventually. Yuan Buqu carried her back to the bed, tucked her in, and said softly, “I have to go. I’ll be back in the capital at the latest in three months. When I return, I will hold another wedding ceremony and marry you properly. No matter the form, I want to have all of you. Don’t mention the Qi family again. Once you become mine, don’t claim to be from the Qi family to anger me.”

He seemed to be seeking her assurance, as his heart was still unsettled. Du Bingyan reluctantly stroked his rugged chin, her eyes brimming with tears, as if they were filled with sorrow. She gazed at him and said, “In this matter, I have chosen to be selfish and have no way back! Who told me to give my heart to you?”

He held her hands, kissed them gently, and said softly, “The feeling is mutual, my little lover. No one has ever made me so captivated. But this isn’t about selfishness; emotions can’t be controlled. If we’re talking about selfishness, it’s those who decide your marriage without considering your wishes. Bingyan, our children will never face such a fate. No matter the benefits, we won’t be selfish parents.”

She smiled lightly, though with a hint of sadness. Some things are beyond one’s control. The future, still unknown to her, was a source of anxiety behind her sense of happiness. How could she not be afraid? War could bring unexpected events, and things could be exposed someday. Who knew what tomorrow would bring after their parting today? Because of her fear, she was determined to keep him with her, wanting to hold onto some real warmth. Ah! She was his now! Her cheeks flushed again as she looked at him deeply.

“Go on! I’ll wait for you to come back. Take care of yourself for me.”

Yuan Buqu gazed at her deeply for a moment before finally rising, putting on his outer robe, and leaving into the night without looking back.

And her steadfast tears finally fell.

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