Chapter 82

Chen Jue had no idea how much Huo Jilin had already thought in that brief moment—and all of it superstitious nonsense.

Chen Jue had already rebuilt his scientific outlook, so he just smiled, watching the sun sink westward on the horizon, and said, "The birth and passing of life are natural laws. That's how everything is—beyond human control."

He had accepted this body, accepting that life and death are fated.

He had accepted his own death and rebirth—life being but a play.

All past affairs were wiped clean, never to be brought up again.

Huo Jilin understood the meaning behind his words, a lump forming in his throat. He carefully helped Chen Jue walk home step by step.

When they neared the doorstep, he called out for Imperial Physician He and Aunt Zhao, thinking the birth was about to begin. But after examining Chen Jue, Aunt Zhao and Imperial Physician He said in unison: "Another hour yet. Keep moving."

Midwives and doctors were heartless at times like this.

Huo Jilin ground his teeth and asked, "He can barely walk, and you still want him to keep going?" Chen Jue himself had thought he'd be fine—what was another hour of walking?

He knew the next hour would be agonizing, but he hadn't expected to be unable to stand or lie down.

When standing, his hips felt like they were being ripped into eight pieces, each piece making him shake with agony.

He nearly squeezed Huo Jilin's arm until it swelled—not on purpose, he couldn't help it. Each step was like treading on knife points. Without help, he couldn't take a single step. If he could just roll on the ground, he would've done it.

His mind started wandering at that moment: if giving birth is natural, why does it have to hurt so much? Why does every species have to go through such pain to give birth? Is it to be reborn through transformation?

Or is it so that life learns to value its hard-earned arrival, then lives on well?

Do some mothers get scared by the pain, stop loving the child, and just leave?

There probably were, because seeking advantage and avoiding harm is instinct. That's why the mother's body releases estrogen during this period—a surge of maternal love hormones—so the mother pours all her love into the child's birth, and after endless suffering, still loves the child more than her own life.

The birth of new life comes with a series of pains.

As sweat fell, Chen Jue shut his eyes for a moment. He didn't know why, but at this moment he remembered the mother who birthed him and then left him—and made up an excuse for her leaving.

He figured: because it hurt too much.

Huo Jilin had gone numb to the pain in his arm. He stared at Chen Jue's face, drenched in sweat, his chest tightening. He instinctively held Chen Jue tighter, practically propping him up as they walked. He could hardly hear what Aunt Zhang, Uncle Liu, and Imperial Physician He were saying outside.

He paced around in a daze, asking Chen Jue again and again, "Do you want to rest?"

In reality, barely a minute had passed.

But to him, it felt like a century.

Finally, when Imperial Physician He said it was time to lie down and prepare for delivery, Chen Jue nearly slid to the floor, completely drained. Huo Jilin lifted him horizontally and carried him to the kang.

But the moment he was on the kang, Chen Jue was like a coiled spring, kept trying to sit up. Huo Jilin scrambled to hold him: "What's wrong? What's wrong?"

Nothing's wrong—it just hurts too much.

It hurt when standing, but lying down was even worse.

Lying down, his back felt like someone was chopping it with an axe. He was like a fish on a cutting board, thrashing to get up. Huo Jilin hurriedly held him, keeping him from rolling off the kang.

Seeing Huo Jilin flustered and frantic, Aunt Zhao said to him, "Go boil water outside. I'll rub his back—his back is hurting now."

Chen Jue's mother, who had rushed over, also told Huo Jilin, "Dalin, I'll stay here with Aunt Zhao. You go wait outside."

Though she was relieved that this son-in-law cared so much for her son, men didn't belong in the birthing room.

But Huo Jilin, as if he'd found something to do, repeated, "I'll do it. I'll do it."

He massaged Chen Jue's back, from spine to waist, over and over. He knew what back pain was like—when he'd first awakened in this body, he'd been tormented by the deep wound in his lower back, unable to lie still or sit still.

Even though he'd been a soldier and had trained to endure pain, he'd still suffered for half a month before recovering. He understood that pain all too well.

After who knew how much longer, Chen Jue finally managed to lie still. The ten fingers of bone had finally fully opened.

Aunt Zhao said she could see the baby's head and it was time to begin delivery. Everyone else had to leave the room.

The room couldn't hold too many people—to ensure hygiene in the birthing chamber, the physician said, and everyone complied.

Chen Jue's mother saw that Huo Jilin refused to leave no matter what, so she had to go outside herself. When had a mother ever been pushed out by her son-in-law?

But seeing that the hand Chen Jue was holding was Huo Jilin's, Chen Jue's mother felt a mix of emotions.

She had gone through immense hardship giving birth to Chen Jue, and naturally treasured him like a jewel. But fate played its tricks—at six years old, Chen Jue had been sent to a Taoist temple to cultivate, and from then on, mother and son saw each other rarely and parted often. So now, Chen Jue had chosen his husband.

Chen Jue's mother stood outside, worried, listening to the midwife Aunt Zhao's instructions.

"Push! Follow my breathing—yes, again!"

Aunt Zhao told Chen Jue to push.

Chen Jue pushed, but something felt off.

Once the pain subsided, the actual delivery became embarrassing instead. Chen Jue couldn't tell if he was about to have a bowel movement or give birth. If he hadn't had little appetite for days, he might have soiled the bed.

Chen Jue forgot—he was a male consort. Male consorts didn't need to worry about soiling the bed during childbirth...

While still lucid, Chen Jue pointed out the surgical supplies he had prepared to Imperial Physician He.

He couldn't be sure the birth would go smoothly. Difficult births among male consorts were certainly not rare, and surgery might be necessary.

The hidden birth canal only fully developed just before labor, making it more difficult than in ordinary women. So if necessary, the knife should be used.

A cut below, not a cesarean—he trusted Imperial Physician He could manage it.

He didn't know if Imperial Physician He could achieve sterile, hygienic surgery.

He had already sterilized the scissors and needles for him.

He had prepared a complete kit for his own delivery.

And indeed, Chen Jue was right—childbirth wasn't just about pushing. Even though he'd controlled the baby's size, he was exhausted, because blood kept flowing, and before he knew it, he had no strength left.

He only felt Huo Jilin's grip on his hand tighten painfully, and heard his hoarse voice calling his name.

"Chen Jue, Chen Jue, hold on a little longer. You can't just die like this..."

Chen Jue cracked open his eyelids and glanced at him. Huo Jilin's words were harsh, and his face was pale—as white as the white linen curtains hanging in the room.

Seeing Chen Jue open his eyes, Huo Jilin's hand gripping his visibly trembled, much like that night under the thunderstorm.

He repeated, "You can't die. You can't die again..."

Chen Jue quietly watched him.

So Huo Jilin's fear was that he might die.

Huo Jilin didn't get PTSD on the battlefield, but he got it on that thunderstorm night—he died clutching his urn of ashes.

He had already witnessed his death once, afraid he'd be wiped from existence.

If he died this time, it would be the third time.

Three times felt like being trapped in reincarnation, never able to escape rebirth.

"Don't talk like that—that's bad luck! Here, hold the ginseng slice! Come on, Jue Geer, hold it! This old man had this thousand-year ginseng specially prepared for you!"

Imperial Physician He interrupted Huo Jilin's ominous words. He knew Huo Jilin would lose his nerve here—this was nothing compared to what was coming. Who doesn't have a hard time giving birth? Women have to walk through the gates of hell too.

That's why there's a saying among the people: a life for a life.

Imperial Physician He shoved Huo Jilin aside and placed the ginseng slice under Chen Jue's tongue. This was a palace treasure, given to him by the emperor when he retired. Over the past two years, he'd rarely used it unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Come on, deep breath, let's try again."

Chen Jue followed his lead and took a few deep breaths, feeling a bit of strength return. The baby in his belly seemed just as eager, fighting to get out. Chen Jue figured the baby might be holding its breath. With that thought, he said to Huo Jilin, who stood there not knowing what to do, "Hand me some wine."

Huo Jilin propped him up and helped him drink. Chen Jue didn't drink much, only three sips.

Imperial Physician He got to work the moment Chen Jue spoke.

An episiotomy is a standard part of childbirth. As long as it's not a complicated birth, most women get cut anyway because it's better than tearing. The cut was quick, and there was no way to numb him locally. Luckily, after that ten-level pain earlier, Chen Jue didn't even feel it before it was over.

Those three sips of wine were meant to kick in the ginseng's power, and his strength seemed to flood back in an instant.

Not long after, he felt something give down below, and the belly that had weighed him down for ten months finally eased.

He felt a strange hollowness, just like the baby's cry—born into a world he didn't recognize, wailing with a hollow, lost sound.

But luckily, Aunt Zhao handed him to Chen's mother, who calmed him down.

Chen's mother fussed over the baby in an exaggerated way: "Oh my, what a set of lungs! Cry a few more times for us, such a good little one..."

After settling the baby, she leaned in the doorway and called to Chen Jue, "Jue Geer, the child is fine, don't worry..."

Chen Jue grunted in reply, listening to the baby's cries and knowing everything was fine. He'd pushed out a live, healthy baby with a strong set of lungs.

The stitching stung a little, but Imperial Physician He said from the side, "Three stitches. How do you feel now, disciple? You need to remember this feeling, because it's going in the records later."

He was distracting him—and finally taking him on as a disciple.

Chen Jue closed his eyes and smiled slightly, "Master, you're twisting my arm."

Imperial Physician He chuckled, "If I don't push you, who will? Your man's useless—his hands are still shaking. What's he gonna remember?"

To be fair, Huo Jilin was doing better now. Once he started working on Chen Jue, he at least handed over the gauze, though his hands still trembled, he made no mistakes. That was the only useful thing he'd done since stepping into the delivery room.

Huo Jilin didn't care about being teased. Once the stitches were done and everything was cleaned up and changed, he just looked at Chen Jue and smiled.

He didn't say a word, just smiled, like that was all he had in him.

Chen Jue was afraid he'd crack and start crying mid-smile, and then He would never let him live it down.

Chen Jue was dead tired, his vision going blurry. He closed his eyes and said, "I'm fine, don't worry. I'm gonna sleep for a bit now. Go out and see the baby."

Huo Jilin still held his hand and said after a moment, "Then sleep. I'll go see him once you're out. Someone's got him right now."

Huo Jilin didn't want to look at the kid Chen Jue had almost died to bring into this world. He'd even hated the kid earlier when Chen Jue was fading. He figured if this kid cost Chen Jue his life, he wouldn't keep him either.

Nothing in this world mattered more than Chen Jue's life, even if that kid was his own blood.

He didn't like kids. If this one hadn't been in Chen Jue's belly, he wouldn't have touched him at all.

Chen Jue saw Huo Jilin holding his hand tightly, refusing to leave, and said nothing more. His mental issues weren't gonna fix themselves overnight, so he'd let Huo Jilin take his time.

Chen Jue closed his eyes and fell asleep without knowing when.

Too exhausted, plus all that blood loss, he slept like the dead. All the chatter outside didn't wake him, which had Huo Jilin worried, so he kept coming in to check on him.

Outside, everyone was already arguing about who the newborn took after.

Zhou Qingzhu was the loudest of the bunch: "This child is so beautiful! That nose, those big eyes—he obviously takes after my Brother Chen!"

Zhou Qingzhu kept peeking inside. That Huo brother had only held the kid for a second before heading back in to see Brother Chen. Did he even like the kid or what?

He wasn't still thinking the kid wasn't his, was he?

Zhou Qingzhu squinted at the baby, but newborns haven't grown into their faces yet, so it was impossible to tell who he resembled. He just thought the kid was cute.

This kid really was better-looking than most newborns—pink, soft skin and sharp, delicate features.

Makes sense—good-looking people make good-looking kids.

Uncle Liu said, "I think he looks like Dalin. That mouth, that nose—just like Dalin as a kid!"

Zhou Hehua snorted, "Dalin was this cute as a kid?" She wanted to hold the baby, but since Chen's mom had him, she didn't dare grab him, so she hovered around, completely smitten. When the baby moved his lips, she thought he was gonna start singing.

Aunt Zhou coughed and said, "He looks like both of them. The kid's got good features—he'll be gorgeous when he grows up."

This Hehua, why can't she ever watch her mouth? But luckily, Dalin was too focused on his husband to come out.

Everyone was going back and forth about who he looked like. Zhang Shuier looked at Chen's mom, who was holding the baby with a soft, nostalgic smile, like she was remembering Chen Jue as a little kid, and said, "Auntie Chen, who do you think he looks like? Like Jue Geer when he was small?"

Chen's mom nodded hard: "Yes, so much! A spitting image!"

See, everyone sees what they want to see.

Finally, Aunt Zhang, the village head's wife, said, "He'll be handsome no matter who he takes after. Both his dads are gorgeous, so how could their kid be anything less? This boy's gonna have families lining up to marry him!"

Right—Chen Jue had given birth to a boy.

Chen's mom watched Huo Jilin come out and said with a smile, "Now you've got a boy. Next time, you'll have a little man."

Even though Chen's mom didn't want to push for another kid right after her son just gave birth, as the mother-in-law, she had to say it to Huo Jilin. There wasn't a man alive who didn't hope his husband would give him a son.

Even a girl would've been better than a boy. Unfortunately, a man could only give birth to boys or men.

That was also why people were hesitant to marry a man.

So Chen's mom said this partly to smooth things over with Huo Jilin for Chen Jue's sake. Having a boy this time proved Chen Jue could carry kids. As long as he could, he'd definitely have a son down the line.

The old Huo Lin might have thought that way, but the man in front of him now was Huo Jilin.

He'd never even thought about wanting an heir in his past life, let alone now.

His legs were still shaky.

Huo Jilin forced himself to sit down in a chair and said to Chen's mother, "No more kids. This one's enough."

Chen's mother was surprised. "No more?"

Uncle Liu and the others also looked at Huo Jilin in surprise, not getting why he'd say that. Back then, the more kids you had, the better.

Aunt Zhang smiled and said, "Dalin's just spoiling his husband. He must've gotten scared by Jue Geer, huh?"

Zhou Dajiang said, "I know what he means. I don't want Yan Geer going through that again either. Childbirth's like walking through the gates of hell—scary as hell."

Zhou Dajiang rarely talked this much, but he'd really been scared by Zhang Yan's labor that day.

Uncle Liu thought for a moment and said, "If not now, they can have more once Jue Geer's better. It's his first time, so it's tougher, but the next one'll be easier."

Aunt Zhang added, "One kid's too lonely. Later, they can give him a little brother so they've got each other."

In their world, a single boy couldn't make it on his own. Everyone thought the more kids, the better.

Especially since Huo Jilin now ran such a large medicine shop—he'd need sons to take it over later.

He was the only Huo left. If he wanted to grow the business, he needed people.

Only with more people could they keep from getting pushed around.

Like in their village, where there were lots of Zhous, and the clan elder was a Zhou too.

Like the Village Head Zhou she married—his family had been village heads for three generations.

Now her husband had the job, and her sisters-in-law's families were top-notch too.

The Zhous owned over a hundred mu in this village where stones beat dirt, so they were a big deal. That's what happens when you've got numbers on your side.

Aunt Zhang had seen a bit of life and felt a secret guilt toward Huo Jilin, so she was looking out for him in every way.

But Huo Jilin just shook his head.

Chen's mother handed the kid over, and Huo Jilin took the baby, who'd just finished his goat's milk and dozed off.

The kid was cute, so much like Chen Jue and also like him, just as sweet as he'd pictured.

This was Chen Jue's kid.

Looking at the baby, he felt a softness he couldn't put into words. He'd played with him before he was born, having a blast with that "besiege Wei to save Zhao" game.

He'd also picked out a bunch of names for the kid.

But no matter how cute the kid was, if having him put Chen Jue in danger, he didn't want another.

He knew these folks wouldn't get it. He wasn't worried about not having an heir to carry on his work.

He was worried about Chen Jue. No one in this world mattered more than him. If Chen Jue was gone, he didn't know what point there'd be to living in this world.

That sounded strange, but it was his true feeling.

Even if he built great achievements in this world, he never felt rooted here.

Only with Chen Jue present did this stone house feel like home.

Only with Chen Jue present did this world feel real and livable.

In the past, he would have scoffed at such thoughts. When had he ever let others influence his decisions, especially Chen Jue?

When had Chen Jue become his weakness?

At the moment of Chen Jue's death, at the moment Chen Jue brought him to this world.

In this world, only Chen Jue was like him. This child, too, was a person of this world.

Huo Jilin looked down at the soft, tender infant, gently cradling him in his arms, and silently said to him, "I'm sorry. You truly came later, a different kind of human from the two of us."

"But I will still love you and raise you to adulthood."