Chapter 5: Fool Me Thrice…

Chapter 5:
Fool Me Thrice…

 

THE DAY AFTER we delivered Chris to Count Dalenwald’s ship, we sat at the breakfast table after our morning training/cleaning/grooming regimen.

“I wanna go shopping with Mimi. Do you mind?” Elma asked.

“Nah, no problem.” I wasted no time in agreeing.

“Wow. I didn’t expect that quick of an answer.”

“Why would I say no? Chris is well-protected with her grandfather, and nobody’s gonna come after us. You two have been stuck in the ship ever since we left Cierra III, so you need some time off, right?” I had left yesterday for Mei’s upgrade, so it was only fair that Mimi and Elma get the chance to go out now. “But take Mei with you, just in case. I won’t leave the ship, so I don’t need any protection.”

“Hm? Oh…sure. Good idea. We’ll do that.”

“Mei gets to come shopping with us!” Mimi was excited.

“Yes, I shall join you.”

At first, Mimi had been wary of Mei due to past trauma related to Maidroids, but now they were good friends. With the upgrade, Mei could even act as a teacher to Mimi now, so I hoped they would continue to get along well.

“Oh, yeah,” I remembered. “I’ll give you some money too, Mei. Can’t shop without some cash, right?”

“Are you certain?”

“Absolutely certain.”

She was like my dependent, anyway. Though I guess you could say the same for Mimi and Elma, since I was helping them out with food, shelter, and necessities. They just paid for their own clothes since they were buying things to suit their own tastes.

“Isn’t this a bit much?” Mei asked, apparently bothered by the amount.

“Clothes add up fast,” I said with a shrug. When we bought clothes for Mimi before, it cost nearly 30,000 Ener. I had given Mei the same amount. “Also, we can write off daily necessities as expenses. Same as usual.”

“Gotcha. Stay home and out of trouble, okay?”

“I can’t make much mischief when I’m alone, anyway. Quit worrying!” Not that we ever needed anyone to stay with the ship, so I could’ve gone with them. But a man going shopping with women poses some issues for the man. Specifically, the fact that the women take forever to shop.

“Off we go!” Mimi squealed.

“Indeed,” Mei added.

“Good luck, girls. I figure you’ll be fine but be careful.”

Once the girls left, I had some rare alone time. I wondered what to do with myself. Cleaning, maybe? No: Mei did that perfectly already.

I hadn’t found any real hobbies since I came to this universe. I was a gamer in my old world, but gaming consoles, as a concept, didn’t exist here. Gaming was possible on my terminal, but they were all lighter games for casual players, which didn’t fit my taste much. I preferred more hardcore games: games where you could set up a huge screen and really go wild. Stuff with loud noises, explosions, blood and guts, and the like.

“Wow. Suddenly, I don’t have a life without the girls around…” I shuddered at the realization that I couldn’t even waste time by myself anymore and decided to head to the cafeteria instead of just standing around doing nothing. I had to sit down and calm myself. I mean, hell, why not just read the news on my terminal if I was that bored?

If nothing else, I could look around for gaming peripherals. In a universe this advanced, there had to be something if I looked. Like, say, a headset terminal for VR games.

But just as I reached for my terminal, the cafeteria’s buzzer went off.

“Is someone here?”

If the girls had come back for something they forgot, then they wouldn’t use the buzzer. It had to be a visitor, then. Was Chris here to hang out? Ignoring the buzzer would be stupid in any case, so I set up a holo-display using my terminal and saw a very familiar face.

“Nobody’s home,” I said.

“Don’t be a jerk!” The blonde beauty onscreen grinned intimidatingly.

She wasn’t wearing her usual uniform today, but it was clearly the blonde beauty, Lieutenant Commander Serena, onscreen. She had a smile on her face, but her eyes were clearly unhappy. And scary.

“Uh…Mimi and the others aren’t around, so I shouldn’t let you in.”

“Why can’t I come in when they’re not here?”

“I feel like I’m in danger. I need an adult. Multiple adults.”

“That doesn’t sound like something a man should say to a female guest.”

Is it just me, or are there veins bulging from her temple? I don’t think it’s just me. Not that I actually saw them, but I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest. Heck, I’d wager money on it.

“Putting that aside,” I added, “a woman shouldn’t go onto a man’s ship alone, right? How about I come out to meet you, instead?”

“Hmm…that’s fair. Very well. Come out immediately.”

“Can I ask why first?”

Serena wasn’t wearing her military uniform, but it was rather active wear. The style was similar to the mercenary outfits that Elma and I wore. She still had that crazy sword at her hip, though it didn’t stand out as much due to her long coat.

“Half of our ship is on leave, so I came to spend time with you,” Serena explained.

“Why would you come to me for that? Just hang out with your subordinates, or… Aww, are you lonely?”

“What worker would want to spend their free time with superiors? I’m being considerate towards them, and I’m not lonely. I have a good relationship with my subordinates. So, again, I am not lonely!” Serena protested, shivering like a sad puppy.

Okay, okay, my bad. Please don’t cry, or it’ll make me feel like I’m in the wrong. “Okay, I’m sorry,” I surrendered. “Just stop crying, please. I’ll come right now, okay?”

“I’m not crying!!!”

That’s not very convincing when you’re quaking like that, Lieutenant Commander, I thought. I’d feel bad if I sent her away now, so I decided to play along. Why is it that she’s a perfect superhuman when she’s in uniform, but when she’s not, she’s kind of a hot mess? Is this what no rest and all work does to a woman?

Anyway, I used the terminal’s messaging app to let the girls know I was leaving, too. I figured I’d just activate the ship’s shields remotely. Since they had already recovered our waste and replenished our air and water supplies, there wouldn’t be any issue with leaving the shields up.

I sent a message to the group chat before heading out: I’m leaving the Krishna for a while. Will activate the shields remotely. After sending that in the group chat, I headed for the door. I was in my usual merc clothing, but who would care? It wasn’t like Serena was super dressed up herself.

“Apologies for the wait, Lieutenant Commander,” I greeted her.

“Please don’t call me that on my day off.”

“Then what should I call you?”

“Just Serena is fine.”

“Ha ha ha! Okay, Lady Serena.” I quickly brushed off her suggestion, and we both laughed. Did we look like a happy couple right now? No way; nobody could be stupid enough to miss the palpable tension between us.

“Fine,” she sighed. “That will do. Shall we?”

“Sure. Uh…where should we go?”

“Oh? I thought it was the man’s job to be the escort in these situations.” Serena said, cocking her head as if astounded. I sighed, crossed my arms, and looked up to the sky—well, the colony’s ceiling.

How am I supposed to answer a request like that?

 

***

 

“It’s a little early for lunch,” I mused. “Do you wanna just…wander around somewhere?”

“Wander…?”

“Y’know. Walking around without a set destination in mind. Or, to put it in more fun terms, ‘looking for something cool to do.’”

“Something cool… Yes, that does sound fun though I don’t like haphazard things.”

“Well, don’t blame me for being haphazard!”

How ridiculous can you get? You barge in, tell me to take you somewhere, tell me to escort you, and yet you still complain! I haven’t walked around Cierra Prime myself, and I haven’t done much research on the shopping and hotspots here.

“But is it not inefficient to walk around without some objective?”

“Very true,” I agreed. “But I have just the thing!” I showed Serena my handheld terminal.

“A VR station?”

“Yeah. A lot of people end up coming to the Cierra System, but then they fail to get reservations to the resort planets or they go over budget because everything’s so expensive. So they set up these VR facilities. At this point, their realistic VR experiences have become a major draw for people who come just to see fake sights.”

“I see… But doesn’t it seem unhealthy to hole up in an imaginary space now that we’ve bothered to go outside?”

“Unhealthy?” I raised an eyebrow, not sure what she was getting at. I was pretty damn excited, myself. It’s VR! My first time using real virtual reality! Woooo!

“Full-dive virtual reality requires you to lie down in a coffin-shaped machine, and you’re naturally defenseless throughout. I’ve heard tell of some unethical VR stations.”

“Unethical how?” I asked.

“They’ll lock people into VR spaces and then carry off their real bodies, selling them to pirates as slaves. They truly do the worst things. And even if you’re not sold to pirates, they might sell you to some undesirable as an illegal slave. Even if they don’t go that far, they’ll still purloin your valuables.”

“Wow, that’s legit awful.”

Serena continued, “I’ve also heard of them installing hacking devices into the VR machines to steal money from customers’ Ener wallets.”

Now that was scary. Still, she was trying awfully hard to scare me. Wait, I know what’s going on here. “You have a personal problem with VR stations, do you?”

“Now I didn’t say that.” Serena flashed a perfect smile. True, she didn’t say that, but it was clear that she wanted me to read between the lines.

“Okay, okay,” I said, dropping the subject. “Now it’s your turn. I came up with one idea, and you didn’t like it, so now you have to come up with something. That’s only fair, right?”

“Hmph, so that’s your game. Hmm… Might I suggest this?” Serena showed me her own terminal. Onscreen was a human-sized, insect-like alien with four arms. He was a chef, presenting his varied dishes and many different colored drinks.

“As a resort system, the Cierra System is frequented by the wealthy,” Serena explained. “And if the wealthy know anything, it’s good food and drink. High-quality food and drink from the empire and other nations are brought here before being sent to other systems. Naturally, as the system’s commerce hub, Cierra Prime has many restaurants that handle just those things.”

“No way,” I replied.

“Why not?!” Serena furiously demanded a reason for my quick refusal. Oh? You really wanna know?

“If we went there, you’d get drunk off your ass again. I’m not gonna look after a hammered Serena all on my own!”

“Wha—?! I would never!”

“Big words, for someone who’s already done it twice.”

“You…!” Serena shrunk back from my verbal barrage.

Hey, it’s super effective! But to be totally honest, drinking with Serena without the girls around seemed like it would lead to her crying and hugging all over me. I wasn’t confident that I’d be able to hold myself back if she showed her vulnerable side.

Serena was like the world’s most obvious landmine, yes, but also… she was insanely hot. Despite knowing that I’d be in big trouble if I touched her, it was still possible that I might do it anyway. I just don’t trust my willpower much, so I won’t take any risks.

While I argued with Serena, two men barged in between us.

“We got a fight here?”

“Damn, she really is a hottie!”

What’s with these guys? They look like weirdo pickup artists.

“What do you two want?” Serena demanded, her voice as cold as absolute zero.

“I don’t know who you guys are, but I’d stay far away from her if I were you,” I warned.

“What’d you just say?!” One man whipped around and tried to punch me, but I seized his neck and caught his fist much faster. Little too short-tempered there, my dude. Are you drunk, or are you just trying to look cool?

“Look, I don’t want any trouble, ya feel me?” I said, gradually strengthening my grip. I looked over to see what the other guy was doing. It seemed he’d frozen in place when Serena reached for her sword. He must have lost his nerve as soon as he saw that she was nobility.

I could tell that the man I was strangling was gearing up to kick me, so I smacked him in the Adam’s apple, shoving him away in the process.

“Guh?! Gack, hack! Y-you little…!”

“H-hey, man, let’s back off,” the other man warned.

“What?! After this guy made a fool of me?!” The man I shoved away was furious, but when he saw Serena begin to unsheathe her sword, he went pale.

“What. Do. You. Want?” Serena repeated.

“N-nothing, m-ma’am!!!”

“We’re sorry for bothering you!!!”

The two ran away as fast as they could. Wow, I guess commoners really are terrified of nobles.

“Hmph. Those fools ruined the fun,” Serena complained. “How rude can men be?”

“Hey, now. Let’s not get too mad. You’re much prettier when you smile, Lady Serena.”

“Is that how you talk girls into your bedroom…?” she wondered aloud.

I grimaced. “Please don’t talk about me like I’m a womanizer.”

“But you are, in fact, living with multiple women, so…”

“Rgh!”

This time, Serena’s assault was a critical hit on me. I mean, she was right, but…it’s just how things turned out, okay? I couldn’t abandon Mimi or Elma back then. And who wouldn’t help a poor, lovely girl from her awful fate if he had the chance? Every man wants to look good, after all.

Not that I’m a saint or anything. If it had been an old man in trouble, he would have just had to fend for himself.

“Okay, that’s enough of this talk. No more,” I declared.

“I don’t care either way. So, what shall we do? We might find ourselves harassed again, given your tendency to attract trouble.”

“My tendency? Mine?! How do you know it’s not yours?”

“Ruffians like them never bother me when I go out alone.”

“Wait, really?” I assumed that a beauty like her would get hit on constantly.

“Not that it matters, of course. Why don’t we go somewhere and settle down? People are staring, after all.”

“Sounds like you’re taking me out to eat and drink somewhere…” I complained.

“Hee hee…”

“Ha ha ha…”

 

***

 

“So, it’s come to this, after all,” I said with a sigh.

“Most men can only dream of sharing a meal with me. Why are you so disappointed?”

“I won’t be if you can just drink in moderation.” I looked at her pointedly.

After a moment, Serena finally said, “I’ll do what I can.”

Maybe I should send a distress signal to the girls now. I’ll tell them where I am, say “Serena is currently drinking,” and bam!

Serena must have finished ordering while I was calling for backup, as a small door opened in the wall next to us and ushered in our food and drinks. So it’s like the order lane from a rotating sushi place, huh?

“I propose a toast,” Serena declared.

“Fine, but to what?” Nobody was watching, so I was free to be as rude as ever.

“Anything is fine. I just propose one, is all.”

We raised our glasses, Serena’s filled with something wine-like and mine filled with a soft drink and tapped them together with a light clink. Befitting of a high-class restaurant, even the glass my soft drink was in was thin and expensive-looking.

“Mm, delicious,” Serena sighed. “That’s why they call this the place where all the amusements of the empire are gathered. What lovely wine!”

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

Can you please just be on your best behavior for once? The words tried to leave my mouth, but I knew that just repeating myself could have the opposite effect. Like if you tell someone over and over not to press a big red button.

“So, did you call your girlfriends?” Serena put her glass down and stared at me. She’s a clever one. Here I thought I had her, since I did it while she was ordering.

“I had to do it—for both of us.”

“Hmph… I’ve been wondering why you’re so cold to me. It’s as if you’re building a wall between us. You can open up a little more, you know.” Serena glared even harder, perplexing me.

“Huh?” Of course I’m building a wall. I’m doing everything I can to keep this wall as strong as the Krishna’s shields. “No, thanks. I’m staying out of trouble.”

“Can you stop calling me that with such a straight face? You’ll make me cry…”

“Crying is a coward’s way out. Besides, trouble is the only word that describes you.”

“What part of me is trouble?!”

“Just being a lieutenant commander and nobility are enough to make you as much trouble as a saturation attack of heat-seeking missiles.”

“Don’t be so logical about it!” In despair, Serena downed her whole glass of wine. Stop that! Cease your insane drinking, lest ye repeat thine past mistakes!

“Hell, you are a noble. Aren’t you going to end up in an arranged marriage?”

“I’d prefer not to talk about that.”

“Fair enough.”

Serena looked awfully peeved, so I decided to let it go. If she was betrothed to someone, it was probably someone she didn’t like or had a bad experience with.

“Aren’t you interested?” she asked.

“Not really,” I answered, shaking my head.

“Just say you are!” Serena slammed her fists onto the table.

“Hey, mind your table manners,” I scolded. “I’ll call over an employee if you keep doing annoying things like that.”

“You insulted me again!” she screamed. “I’m just annoying and troublesome, right?! I ought to just grow up to be an old, wrinkly lady, sad and all alone!”

“Uh, I doubt that’ll happen. I figure you’ll have a marriage arranged sooner or later, right?”

I didn’t know much about nobility, but noblewomen are always in great demand. Plenty of families would want to marry into the marquess’, so why should Serena want for husbands? Of course, I doubt she would marry into any family that the marquess didn’t want her to.

“I don’t want to marry someone I’ve never even met.”

“I mean, you could just meet them, go out, and see if you can find stuff you like about them.”

“But then I meet the man, and he’s either a weakling who’s never held a gun in his life, let alone a sword. Or he’s a burly giant who still can’t even beat me in sword combat! OR he’s some lunatic who knows swordplay, but uses it to cut down as many commoners as he desires!!!”

“So basically, you want a man who’s not too burly, not too weak, can hold his own against you in a swordfight, and blessed with natural virtue? I dunno, seems likes your standards might be too high.” I could sympathize with her only meeting men she didn’t like, but what if her expectations were just too unattainable? That would just make her lonelier.

“What’s wrong with wanting a quality life partner?” Serena started tapping around on the table’s tablet, as if trying to escape my cold rebuttal. Yep, she was going to get blackout drunk today.

“If you want to go down that route, we don’t exactly match, either. I can’t swing a sword at all.” I had never held a sword in my life. Sure, as a kid, I’d fight other kids with sticks, but I never leaned actual swordplay. I did buy a replica sword during a field trip in high school, which was very cringe…but, I mean, it was just too cool to resist. A replica sword! I never swung it, though, because it was way too dangerous.

“I would be more surprised if someone of common blood did know swordplay,” she answered. “But when you put on your power armor, you have the courage to fight mutated monsters and cut them down. And not only do you fight pirates in your lone battleship, but you also charged in and sunk the Belbellum’s flagship on your own. Such recklessness is a rare talent for a battleship pilot. And though you call yourself an outsider, you whipped a bunch of fools into pirate-hunting shape, and even have the eye for strategy to come up with tactics just for them. Besides—”

“Okay, that’s enough!” I pleaded. “I feel all gross getting showered with compliments.”

I had to stop Serena from trying to butter me up. I get it; she admires strong men, but she hates the overt macho man stereotype. Maybe I fit her tastes, after all.

“Still, I don’t think you and I would work out,” I decided. “Even if we were madly in love with each other.”

“I knooooow…” Serena sighed and handed me the table’s tablet. I accepted it and looked at the order history. That’s a whole lot of stuff that looks like alcohol. Geez, this woman never learns. “At least, not right now. If you were to become a platinum rank and gain a gold star, things might be different.”

“I know only some of those phrases. What’s a gold star?” I cocked my head at the unfamiliar term.

“It is the First-Magnitude Star’s Cross of Brilliance. ‘Gold star’ is more of a colloquial term. The distinction is given to those who achieve outstanding accomplishments in the imperial fleet’s battles. I’ll have you know that it’s the highest distinction possible for a single soldier. The recipient receives a considerable salary and is treated like nobility, though in a limited capacity.”

“I see… It almost sounds like it’s based more on luck than skill, huh?”

“Given the right battlefield, I’m sure you could get one.” Serena stared me down, but I pretended not to notice. I didn’t want to react badly and make her throw me into one of said battlefields. “Why are you ignoring me?! Pay attention to me!!!”

“Girls! Hurry up and save me already!”

In this high-class establishment, the walls were completely soundproofed. No matter how loud we got, the employees didn’t yell at—not us even once. However, I did end up having to deal with a certain irritating lieutenant commander until the girls finished their shopping and came to my rescue.