Chapter 83: A True Soldier

I stood on the city wall of Chamela Town, looking at the open land before me. Three days ago, we had made a huge gamble there, betting all our lives on a dangerous victory.

We won.

Among the twenty-thousand-man surprise attack force, about six thousand fell in that fierce battle. To us, that number was huge, but to this war, it had not yet reached the point of shaking the whole situation. What was especially astonishing was that the magic cavalry known as the “Star Knight,” after facing about fifteen thousand regular Cretan troops head-on in succession with fewer than three thousand men, lost less than half their number. Such an achievement wrote the first heavy and brilliant page in the history of their own army.

During those three days, Chamela Town withstood no fewer than ten waves of frontal attacks. Like madmen, the Cretans tried to retake this important town piled with grain, ignoring losses and costs, but they all failed. More than ten thousand tough soldiers were more than enough to defend such a not-very-large town. More importantly, the situation had now reversed completely. The ever-changing war situation made the constantly passing time stand on our side, while the Cretan army, lacking food, was trapped in great difficulty. Their crazy way of fighting was strong proof that they were on the edge of despair.

Everything ended on the night of the third day. When the Cretans were sure that with their strength they could not capture this town in time—though not tall, it was extremely solid—they retreated. After that night, in the vast region north of Chamela City and east of Gem Flower Plain, not a single Cretan could be seen anymore.

A hand rested on my shoulder. I turned around and saw the smiling Viscount Pekra looking at me cheerfully. This middle-aged man—not exactly shabby-looking, but by no means imposing, and no matter how you looked at him, he did not seem like a noble—had won my respect in the war that had just passed. In an army that did not lack warriors and heroes, he looked so inconspicuous that he could not even be called a qualified soldier. But when we were in our greatest difficulty and needed help the most, he resolutely stepped forward, took up the heavy burden Fred had left behind, and carried out his mission well. He brought us a victory at the moment we needed it most, and indirectly saved my life.

“My lord…” I saluted him with some unease.

“Ah, how many times have I told you? Please call me Lieutenant Colonel.” He interrupted me with displeasure, his mustache twitching, which looked a little funny. “Besides, you are an officer of the same rank as me, Lieutenant Colonel. You don’t need to salute me.”

“But you are…”

“I am a noble, aren’t I? The fourth son of the former Minister of Finance, the cousin of the Keeper of the Seal.” He smiled bitterly. “Not a true soldier.”

“That’s not what I meant, Lieutenant Colonel. I assure you, you are a true soldier, and a first-rate one.” Seeing the bitterness in his expression for some unknown reason, I felt a little embarrassed and quickly corrected my words.

“Oh, is that so?” My words seemed to have an unexpected effect on him. He stood there without changing his posture, but his eyes revealed an excited gleam, and even became slightly moist.

“You are the first person to say that about me.” He gripped my hand firmly. “I have been waiting for such a remark…”

“…I joined the army more than twenty years ago. At that time I was a little older than you, Lieutenant Colonel…”

I should have felt glad about what I had just said, because it stirred Lieutenant Colonel Pekra’s thoughts and also stirred him to tell his past. I was very interested in his experiences. To be fair, I was interested in anyone’s extraordinary experiences. Having grown up in a tavern, I had been an excellent listener since I was young. When you listen to people with richer experiences talk about their lives, you feel as if you have shared their lives.

“Oh, at that time I was no different from those worms living in the army—actually, I was even worse than them. I was idle, dissolute, lazy, gluttonous, and vain… For ridiculous vanity, I seduced young girls who had little experience in the world, and then abandoned them. For a good future, I offered bribes, gave gifts, and fawned on my superiors. I beat soldiers, abused prisoners, gambled, drank heavily… Young man, I once had every vice you could think of, and even worse than you could imagine. Don’t frown. I really was that kind of wicked young master—a waste who let his body rot along with his life.”

“Until one day, I took part in a brawl.”

“It was at night. Several noble officers and I tried to teach a common officer a lesson, because his bluntness and sense of justice had ‘offended’ us.” When he said the word “offended,” he gave a self-mocking smile and shook his head, as if mocking the absurdity and foolishness of his youth.

“More than a dozen of us went, holding clubs, and ambushed that unarmed man in an alley.” Hearing his account, I could not help worrying about that honest common officer. But I could hardly believe that such a thing had ever happened to this kind, friendly, respectable middle-aged man standing before me.

“Don’t worry about him, my friend. He was like a brave lion; he drove us all away by himself. Of course, he was badly wounded, but his wounds were not heavier than mine. I lay on the ground bleeding from my eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, feeling the sharp pain from my broken bones. The accomplices who had done evil with me all ran away as soon as I fell.”

“I still remember the scene to this day. That man—I am sorry, but for my insignificant reputation, I cannot reveal his name. Even though I don’t deserve it, I am a noble after all—stood there like a mountain, holding two clubs he had taken from us. His left foot was severely wounded, his face was bruised and swollen, and covered with bloody filth—he looked terrifying. He limped over to me, his eyes full of anger. I was truly afraid. I didn’t know what this man, who moments ago had charged at us fearlessly and knocked me down like a wild beast, wanted to do. At that moment I thought he really would kill me. That thought made me unable to speak because of fear; I couldn’t even beg for mercy.”

“He didn’t hurt me further, even though he had the right to. He only said one sentence to me.”

“He said: ‘You worthless creature who relies on blood and kinship—even wearing a beautiful uniform, you can never become a true soldier.'”

“I cannot tell you with what strong contempt and scorn he said this to me. It was as if I in front of him were a pile of animal excrement, able only to arouse his disgust. He didn’t even give me another look. He threw the two clubs beside me, and left with a limp. Yes, he staggered, but what I saw was the back of a soldier, the back of a truly brave and upright soldier. He trusted himself, depended on himself, and protected his own life and honor with his own hands. For some reason, I did not hate this man who had beaten me so badly. I felt a trace of indescribable admiration and envy toward him, and also a deep unwillingness to admit defeat.”

“I never saw this man again. After I recovered from my wounds, he had already gone with the army to some unknown battlefield, and then there was no news of him at all. I made great efforts to find this man, but not even a trace of information leaked out. The noble officers who had attacked him with me that night sometimes maliciously hinted to me that the man was dead. They were all people with power and influence, so doing such a thing was not difficult for them. They seemed to be using this method to please me, get close to me, and help me secretly complete a sinister revenge.”

“But what I wanted to do was only to hope that one day, in front of him, I could tell him openly and honorably: I am a true soldier. Even though I was an ignorant playboy, I still had self-respect and a sense of shame. His words completely denied my dignity—and that had nothing to do with the dignity of my surname or my family, do you understand? For the first time, I felt that once my noble surname and noble title were removed, the person named Josephinia was so shameless and small. I wanted to have my own dignity, a dignity completely belonging to me as an independent individual living in this world. This mattered greatly to me.”

“After that, I tried to become a true soldier. I worked hard to learn swordsmanship, but those so-called ‘famous masters’ were just fawning, snobbish people. They boasted to my father about how excellent my swordsmanship was before they even made me sweat during training. They finished their task, took the expected rewards, and left my house, leaving behind me, who was still a good-for-nothing. Moreover, my improper private life had indeed greatly damaged my health, making it hard for me to become a brave and skilled warrior.”

“Since I could not be a brave warrior, I could only try to be a wise commander. I studied every book on tactics with all my heart. In battle after battle, I observed, thought, and analyzed every fight. You see, I am not stupid. Those things that had once seemed like heavenly scripts were quickly mastered by me. Also, I was not a pedantic bookworm buried in books. Whenever another country had war, at the most tense and chaotic moments of the battle situation, I could see those key points that others ignored, and in the end those things were proven correct. This made me feel gratified and proud. Perhaps I am not yet the most outstanding commander, but I have the confidence to become an excellent general.”

“But I never had the chance to prove this. In other people’s eyes, I was forever that unpromising noble son: the son of the Minister of Finance, the cousin of the Keeper of the Seal, that Viscount Pekra who couldn’t even hold a sword. They only called me by my military rank as a joke, as if it were an amusing laughingstock.”

“Finally, I had the opportunity to take part in a small-scale external battle, and I also had the chance to become a staff officer in a legion. The night before the battle, I hardly slept at all. I analyzed the enemy and our situation in detail, and with all my heart I wrote a battle plan against the enemy. Even today I can still recite that plan. It was the most brilliant analysis of a battle situation in my life. I still believe now that if everything had been done according to my plan, I was confident I could have achieved a complete victory with only very small losses.”

“But when I presented that plan at the war meeting, it caused no reaction at all.”

“No, to be accurate, it did cause some reaction. Those who had personally experienced battle were all astonished—astonished that this ignorant playboy would actually speak at a pre-battle preparation meeting and discuss the so-called ‘war situation.’ The way they looked at me reminded me of that common officer who had once cursed me. Although they still kept respect for me in their words, I could still see the mockery and impatience in their expressions. What irony. I wore the viscount’s hat, bore my distinguished surname, and carried the noble bloodline I was born with—yet precisely because of all this, I could not become a true soldier.”

“That was still not what I found hardest to bear. The hardest to bear was this: after that battle was won in an unsatisfactory way, my superior actually forced other people’s achievements onto my head, gave me commendations, and even promoted me.”

“That was the greatest insult to me!” When he said this, his voice rose a lot. His fists clenched tightly, his lips trembled slightly, and his breathing was heavy. It was clear that even though this matter had passed for a long time, the impression it left on him was still deep.

After a long while, the lieutenant colonel’s agitation finally calmed down. He let out a long sigh, looked at me with a little shame, as if apologizing for losing his composure.

What he met was my face full of deep respect.

“I refused that promotion, without hesitation.” He continued. “That was the most correct thing I had done in my twenty-seven years of life then, and perhaps also the most correct thing I have done up to my current age of forty-five. I could tolerate their lack of trust in me—after all, that was the bad fruit caused by my own disgraceful behavior in my early years. I could also tolerate them treating me as an outcast, because I was already ashamed to keep company with those worms. But I truly, truly could not tolerate them forcing honors that should have belonged to others onto me. They hurt those who had truly made military achievements. Those people were true soldiers, just like the man who had awakened me. How could I accept such an arrangement? If I yielded, if I submitted, if I endured it, that would be the same as biting my own heart with my own mouth and trampling my own dignity with my own feet. Only garbage people without even the slightest sense of shame would happily accept such an arrangement.”

“At that time my father thought I had gone mad, and so did my relatives and friends. A noble refusing honor and status was like a starving stray dog refusing the bone thrown to it as charity—it was always bound to surprise people. They lined up to persuade me, like envoys trying to persuade a captive to surrender. As their persuading continued without stopping, my belief became more and more firm. I said to myself: Do you want to become a soldier and have a proud later half of your life, or do you want to be like them, rotting away in the gilded life that gives off the stench of decay? Of course, I chose the former.”

“It was not easy, child, not easy at all…” He stopped his narration for a while, sighed, and looked into the distance, swallowing many of the remaining words back into his stomach. I knew that in those four words, “not easy,” there were countless cold looks, countless contempt, countless grievances and bitterness. That was psychological pressure that a pampered noble young man could not bear. Although I had never had any good feelings toward the so-called “noble class,” especially not after the war started, I still had to say fairly that the decadence and corruption of those nobles were not entirely their own fault. If a person’s living environment had always been like that, what right did you have to ask them to become better?

Because of this, I respected the middle-aged noble in front of me. He had the courage to break free from the environment he had grown up in, and to pursue a noble and pure quality. No matter what kind of person he had once been, he was now worthy of our highest praise for a good person.

“So, at twenty-seven I was a lieutenant colonel, and at forty-five I am still a lieutenant colonel. Even so, I have never left the army. Believe it or not, Lieutenant Colonel Gid, that battle was the first battle I ever commanded. When the General told me that the command of that army of more than ten thousand belonged to me, my blood was freezing. For the first time, I took part in a battle in person, and I actually became the commander of a great army. If it had been four days ago, I could never have imagined this…”

At this moment, the serious and excited expression on this middle-aged officer’s face disappeared, and suddenly he looked awkward and embarrassed. He craned his neck and looked left and right. After making sure no one else could hear our conversation, he lowered his voice and whispered:

“Let me tell you a secret. When the frontal assault on the city began, I couldn’t bear such great psychological pressure, and I actually wet my pants. Oh, damn it, why did I tell such a shameful thing to you? You really are a good listener, Lieutenant Colonel; you always make people want to tell you everything.” Blushing, he laughed loudly at himself. “I was afraid others would notice, so I stood there holding my sword, not daring to move at all, until my pants were almost dried by the wind. Hahaha…”

I recalled the battle situation then, and I still remembered the heroic image of Lieutenant Colonel Pekra standing tall in the autumn wind. Thinking that at this most heroic moment he had such a hidden secret that no one knew, I could not help laughing loudly too.

There were tears in my smile—joyful tears shed because a respectable person had fulfilled his wish.

“I have been waiting, Lieutenant Colonel. I have waited for a long time. I always hoped that one day that man would suddenly appear before me, and say to me from the bottom of his heart that I am a true soldier. I swear, if I don’t get his recognition, even if I die, my soul will not be able to rest.”

“But, Lieutenant Colonel, he may have already died on the battlefield. You cannot swear on your soul because of such a faint hope.”

“My oath has already been fulfilled, Lieutenant Colonel Gid. What I wanted was not simply that one person’s approval; that was only a childish obsession. What I longed for was sincere recognition from a true soldier. Just now, you generously gave me what I had hoped for.”

“You are a true soldier, Lieutenant Colonel Gid. Your recognition is my greatest honor.”

This respectable soldier looked at me sincerely. In his eyes there was none of an elder’s expectation and encouragement for a young person. All his gaze held was a soldier’s infinite gratitude to another soldier.

“Ahem, if it is possible, I would take the liberty to ask you to say that sentence to me again, all right? I… want to hear it again, more clearly.” He asked with some embarrassment.

Good heavens, who could refuse such a request? Who could refuse a soldier who had waited nearly twenty years for a more than fair evaluation?

I did not know whether I was qualified to fulfill his oath, but at this moment, I absolutely did not want to go against his wish in the slightest. I straightened my body, tidied my originally loose uniform, raised my long sword to a position enough to express my inner feelings, and said solemnly in a loud voice:

“I, Jeffritz Gid, swear by my name, my blood, and my sword: you are a respectable, true soldier, Lieutenant Colonel Pekra. I hereby offer you my highest respect!”

That middle-aged man, who had always seemed thin and tired, like a pedantic teacher, now straightened his usually slightly stooped back. He stood before me tall like a straight javelin, slowly drew his sword, and solemnly returned my salute.

“Thank you, Lieutenant Colonel.” His voice trembled. Tears shining with the light of pride fell from the corners of his eyes, like an appointment delayed for twenty years, carrying satisfaction and joy, instantly flooding his somewhat aged face.