Chapter 114: To Die

“…g”

“To die, to die, ah, I almost died, I was so close.”

Inside the imperial bedchamber, tense, ragged breathing echoed continuously, somehow in sync with the cawing of crows outside, creating an unsettling atmosphere.

This was Gerard, barely surviving after being transported back by the gods. As she sat at the bedside, reflecting on her life, memories of last night kept replaying in her mind… It wasn’t just nervousness—there was shame too, the shame of groveling before an enemy.

Hugging her slender arms tightly around her knees, her pale shoulders quivered with suppressed anger, messy hair falling against her bloodless cheeks, swaying slightly every time she recalled Sig.

She buried her face deep in the crook of her arm, the tips of her ears tinged an unnatural red, nails unconsciously digging into the skin at her elbow, leaving red marks on her fair flesh. She clenched her teeth in bitter frustration.

The blanket was twisted into a knot in her grip, and her calves, exposed beneath her nightgown, were taut. Even her toes curled in protest, occasionally letting slip a strangled “I’ll kill you,” cursing the humiliation forced upon her, so much like a woman—damn it, I’ll kill you, she muttered. Only a shadow of despair lingered beneath the dim glow of the bedside lamp.

“Kill—”

She hadn’t finished when Duke Orlay barged right in. Same as ever, utterly rude, didn’t even bother to knock, not even the pretense of a greeting.

“Your Majesty Gerard, you don’t look well. Should I fetch a doctor for you? After all, you’re very important now. I can’t let anything happen to you. Don’t worry, even if the Empire is in chaos, I can guarantee any doctor I find is qualified.”

He spoke with his usual emotionless air, calm as ever, but his eyes never left her face. To put it bluntly, everything he did was for Lady Emilia, for the woman he had always dreamed of.

Naturally, some physical reaction was inevitable, and he subconsciously adjusted himself, only to realize Gerard had noticed everything. Embarrassment flashed across his face, and he tried to cover it with a cultured smile.

Seeing this, Gerard only felt disgust. Her beautiful features twisted in revulsion. She raised her eyes coldly, her impression of Orlay sinking even lower. She had always despised this opportunist, this backstabbing villain…no, this madman willing to do anything to get what he wanted.

It was obvious that, after returning to the Empire, with nothing better to do, he spent his days gossiping and eavesdropping around the palace. Through fragments of whispered conversation, she had learned a little of what this guy had done—more than she herself had managed, waking up to find she’d fallen off the list of favored nobles.

Naturally, she had no interest in talking to him, and nothing she said would make a difference anyway. He could make decisions on his own.

Well, not entirely useless…except for making her feel so nauseated she lost her appetite. Truly disgusting.

Her dislike was plain for all to see; her lips twisted downward, as if even glancing at him was unbearable. She turned away abruptly and raised her middle finger.

“Get out, Duke Orlay. I don’t need a doctor. I just want to never see you again, that’s all.”

Her voice was low and forceful, her answer meant to send him away, hoping he wouldn’t be as stubborn and filthy as a stone in a latrine, unable to understand plain speech.

“No can do. I just like being here. Your Majesty Gerard, it seems you don’t quite understand your own situation. Looks like I’ve been too lenient with you.”

He ignored her dismissal, stepping closer, lips twisting into a repulsive smile. Looming over her as she sat on the bed, his gaze was full of mockery, amusement, and possessiveness—as if her resistance was nothing but a prelude to some twisted game.

“Your Majesty Gerard, I hope you understand your place. Don’t say such unpleasant things. I mean nothing else—at least, not for now.” He drew out his words, voice thick with implication, deliberately leaning in so close his breath almost brushed her ear.

He acted as if nothing was wrong, ignoring Gerard’s murderous glare, even reaching out to play with her silver hair, his touch light and blatantly provocative.

She almost lost it—she really wanted to kill him, her eyes wide and teeth clenched so hard they might shatter. That wave of humiliation surged up again—utterly unbearable, an insult to her very core as a man. Her slender hands gathered strength, ready to strike him with the power she had absorbed from the Hero. If she caught him off guard now, maybe…

But clearly, the gods would not allow it. They had a better, more perfect plan, fighting for a brighter future, one that would completely change the course twisted by Emilia.

[No, no, Gerard the Hero, you must calm down, calm down. You have to remember what you need to do and what you cannot do. You still need Orlay, you still have to use him. Otherwise, we won’t get anywhere—absolutely nowhere.]

It was obvious the gods had no good solution either, just babbling nonsense. If they dragged Emilia into it, it might send her into shock and mess everything up.

The more she listened, the calmer she became. Somehow, it made sense. Even if she wasn’t clever, when it came to major events, she still had some judgment. After all, for someone who had died and come back to life, it would be strange not to have grown at all.

If she hadn’t changed a bit, she would deserve to be played to death. Although, honestly, there wasn’t much difference right now.

“All right, fine, I’ll listen to you just this once. Don’t come bothering me if it’s nothing important in the future.”

Forcing down her anger inside, she swallowed her resentment, recalling Emilia’s every gesture and smile to calm herself, finally remembering her real goal—this was only a small hardship.

It was clear she was getting fed up with the meddlesome gods as well, trust wearing thin, feeling irritable with everyone. After being stabbed in the back, she had aftereffects… Now the only person she trusted was Emilia, so far away yet so close. There was no one else.

[Don’t worry, we know. We’re all doing this for your sake, Hero. Listen to us, and you’ll get whatever you want.]

Gerard no longer responded. She took a deep breath and forcibly suppressed the anger swirling in her eyes. Still, a cold smile tugged at her lips.

“Tsk.” She spat the sound through gritted teeth, then glanced sidelong at Orlay, blue eyes full of contempt. “Duke Orlay, is it that you can’t get close to Emilia, so you come here to satisfy your twisted desires? You’re pathetic—just like me, a complete failure.”

Receiving no reply, all she got was Orlay’s furious, sullen figure leaving in silence, eyes brimming with venom.