Chapter 2: The Protagonist and the Heroine

The fourth floor of the boys’ dormitory was the second-highest floor in the building. Even among the nobles this floor was notoriously elite, with only those students from the most powerful families being permitted to live there. With spacious layouts and grand views of the entire campus, the rooms on the fourth floor far outclassed those occupied by the other students. The average nobles lived on the third floor, and minor nobility on the second, while commoners were relegated to the slums on the first floor.

In this space for the privileged, the two of us sat across from each other at a table in my living room.

“Like I said, Charlotte, you don’t have to do anything. You can just sit there!” I insisted.

“...But Master Slowe, it states here that only students who can use magic are eligible to join,” Charlotte protested. “I’m not even a student. You may be a student of the institute, but I’m just a retainer. I wouldn’t be permitted to join this contest.”

We were discussing the Magic Speed-Eating Contest, which would be held tomorrow. The goatskin parchment application form sat on the desk between us. Charlotte peered over at it, still adamant that I was wrong.

“Charlotte, I tried! I really tried!” I banged a fist on the table, and Charlotte jerked a little before she froze. She cowered like a small animal and looked up at me with wide eyes. “But it didn’t work! Just think about it. No girl would go with me! You know what the students at this school think of me, Charlotte! I’m a pig! I’m still just a blackhearted pig to them! My appearance is holding me back, darn it!”

I’d made a friend and was able to lose a little bit of weight. I don’t know how long it’s going to take to actually thin down at this rate, though... I want to lose weight way faster! I thought back on my efforts to find a partner over the past few days.

“Darn, I’d really like to join the Magic Speed-Eating Contest...” I’d said, casting meaningful glances at the girls around me. “You need a boy and girl to enter together as a pair, though. What do I do...? Won’t anyone join the contest with me?” Despite my hopeful tone, one by one, they’d all screamed and run away.

It must have been my extremely obese appearance that scared everyone away, I’d concluded.

“I mean...” Charlotte trailed off. “I think your bad reputation is more because of the way you’ve treated people up ’til now rather than your appearance, Master Slowe. I’d be more surprised if a girl showed up saying that she wanted to pair up with you.”

I was at a loss for words. It was the truth, and I had nothing I could say to that.

“I think you need to work on improving your reputation, Master Slowe,” Charlotte said. “We need to convince people that you’re not like the rumors say you are, and that you’re actually a good person.”

“Hmm... But how do I do that?”

“Well, you could use your gift for magic to help people, for one.” Charlotte paused, thinking. “Oh, you could help out a commoner girl. Maybe helping one of the maids would be a good idea. The maids love gossip. It would spread around the school overnight.”

“I see. The maids, huh...?” Charlotte had a point. The days I spent as the tyrant blackhearted Piggy Duke really stuck with me. It seemed that I’d have to work harder to shed my infamous reputation. I guess I should have expected that. My infamy is known near and far.

“But Charlotte! That’s all the more reason why this would work!”

“Wh-Wha—” Charlotte was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“Please enter the Magic Speed-Eating Contest with me!” I pleaded. “I know you’re worried about not being a student, but it’s totally fine! Nobody in this school would dare say a thing about it since I bear the Denning name!”

“Master Slowe... If you did that, you’d be no better than you were before,” Charlotte chided.

“Ah...” My words stuck in my throat.

“You’ll never become the person you want to be if you keep falling back on your old bad habits. Using your family name like that is just what the blackhearted Piggy Duke would have done! Not only that, you’d be in a lot of trouble if your family found out that you broke the rules again!” Charlotte argued. “Plus, if they think I had a hand in it, they might decrease my salary too! I’m not in a position where I can extort people like you can, Master Slowe, so I can’t afford to risk having any further cuts to my pay. I’d starve to death!”

“E-Extort?! Charlotte, what in the world are you talking about?! I would never extort anyone!”

“I’ve heard rumors, though,” Charlotte insisted. “One time, when I was helping out the maids, they told me that they saw another student giving you money.”

“I didn’t ask them to! They just came up and gave it to me!”

Many students in this school tried to butter me up and toy with my feelings like Valjean did. It was obvious that they wanted my favor as the direct descendent of the Denning family, but...I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Well, I mean, they went through all that trouble. It’d be rude of me to turn them down... See, my family slashed my allowance whenever they heard of me causing trouble at school, and now they barely gave me anything. Charlotte wasn’t the only one who was tight on money.

“I can’t be the one who gets in your way if you want to turn things around, Master Slowe. If you can manage it, they might see more value in me and give me a raise too.” Charlotte really was adamant about me doing this the proper way, huh? “You should follow the contest rules.”

“Ugh...” Once again, I struggled to find my words. “You’ve gotten really bold lately, Charlotte.”

“It’s because I want to see you succeed. I’ll encourage you every step of the way. I had given up hope before, but if you’ve decided that you really want to change, I’m here for you!” Charlotte exclaimed. “For the sake of my salary, too! I’m sick of helping out with the dishes! At this rate, my hands are going to end up all shriveled.”

“Look, you’ve just gotta help me out, Charlotte!” I argued. “For the sake of your allowance, too!”

“It’s not an allowance! It’s my salary!”

“Same thing!”

“No, it’s not!” Charlotte rebutted. “They’re two completely different things!”

Our voices grew louder and louder the more we argued. I’m so glad we’re on the fourth floor with few other residents, I thought. If this were any other floor, someone would probably bang on the wall and shout at us to pipe down.

“Charlotte, please, listen to me!” I begged.

“Wh-What is it, Master Slowe?” She looked taken aback by my desperation. “What’s with this solemn face all of a sudden?”

“I...I really...” I just couldn’t hold myself back any longer. “I really, really want to lose weight! One of the prizes in the contest is a weight-loss potion! I’ve just gotta have it! I want to change, I really do, but to do that I’ve got to start with my appearance first!”

“But you managed to thin down a teeny bit on your own,” Charlotte pointed out. “Just a teeny, tiny bit.”

“A teeny, tiny bit isn’t enough! I want to lose a ton more weight! I’m way too fat!” I stood up from my seat and moved to stand in front of the mirror I’d moved from my bedroom. “Look at me, Charlotte! I’m a pig! I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve tripped over my own feet on my morning jogs! Lord Pauper told me that a weight-loss potion was on the prize list, and I can’t let this chance go! I have to win that potion at the Magic Speed-Eating Contest!”

“You have no idea what could be in something like that. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!” Charlotte was skeptical, and probably rightfully so, but...

This had all started because of Valjean. When Lord Pauper heard that I wanted to lose weight, he told me about an event at the school scheduled for this weekend. See, every weekend, merchants would come to campus from outside the forest, opening up shops and planning various festivities for entertainment. Festivities like the Magic Speed-Eating Contest, for instance. According to Valjean, he’d snagged a gig as an announcer for this event, as he sometimes did part-time work on the side. I couldn’t help but wonder how he was able to land the job in the first place. It wasn’t exactly work fit for a noble like him, even if he did live on the first floor.

“Jeez... I thought you’d changed, but you’re still as pushy as always...” Charlotte sighed heavily. “I’ll do it, Master Slowe.”

“Thank you, Charlotte! You just have to sit there, that’s all! I’ll eat everything down to the last bite, I swear it!”

Charlotte cut me off before I could say anything further, holding a finger up to silence me. “But only on one condition.”

“Huh? Condition?” I echoed.

Charlotte cleared her throat and gave me a pointed look. Is it just me, or is Charlotte way too excited for whatever it is she’s about to ask me?

“Yes, one condition,” she confirmed. “Since you’re breaking the rules of the contest, I might get punished.”

“Punished?” I thought about it. “I honestly don’t think you have anything to worry about. It’s just for fun. I’m pretty sure they’ll be okay with anything as long as it’s entertaining.”

“I could still get in trouble.”

“You really think so...?” I was skeptical.

“Master Slowe!” Charlotte scolded sharply. “I might get in trouble if we get caught, and if that happens, my salary might get cut!”

“Okay, all right. I’m listening,” I relented. “You could get in trouble, and your pay might get docked.”

“That’s right! So if you want me to take that risk, I have one request.”

I have a bad feeling about this...

Charlotte was a very skilled retainer, but there was a reason that she was assigned to me of all people.

“The condition I have is that...during the Magic Speed-Eating Contest, I want you to let me—”

Hearing Charlotte’s demand, I went stock-still. “...What? Uh, I don’t know about that. Isn’t that a bit dangerous...?”

With her beautiful, silky silver hair, Charlotte’s charm was well-known even among the nobles and the rich commoners who’d worked for their wealth. If it weren’t for my bad reputation ruining things for her by association, she would be the subject of attention from countless nobles trying to court her.

I knew my cute retainer’s personality better than anyone. We’d been together for nearly a decade, after all.

“Master Slowe?” she prompted, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Fine,” I said reluctantly. “It can’t be helped. You are risking your salary for me... I agree to your condition.”

“Exactly!”

I also knew that despite her adorable appearance...she was a complete klutz.

“Wow, there are so many people around! Vendors here, vendors there... There are so many of them!” Charlotte couldn’t help but gawk in amazement as we drew closer to the festivities. “Look at all of the cute accessories they’re selling! Aw, but I’ve used up my salary for this month... I could afford them if only I got paid more...” Charlotte pouted at me.

Kirsch Mage Institute sat at the heart of a forest, encompassed by a wall that surrounded the entire campus. Tents lining the manicured lawns were jam-packed with just about every type of ware imaginable, from steaming cuisines to mysterious trinkets. Students perused the goods for sale, glaring intensely at their purses as though that would make more money appear. Maids chattered excitedly amongst themselves, enjoying the brief reprieve from their work.

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky; it really was shaping up to be a perfect day. I beckoned to Charlotte, who was busy gawking at the spectacle. “Charlotte, over here. The Magic Speed-Eating Contest is going to be held at the back of the cathedral.”

“Ah, please slow down, Master Slowe.”

I couldn’t help it—I oinked.

“Master Slowe...you really need to work on that,” Charlotte chided. “You are a direct descendant of House Denning. It’s unbecoming of you to snort like that out in public.”

“Yeah...” That happened to me sometimes, if I wasn’t paying attention. The snorting, I mean. I could only hope that I wouldn’t let this habit slip out at an important occasion or something like that.

“Like always, there’s an incredible number of people here on the weekend,” Charlotte commented in amazement. “It feels completely different from the rest of the week.”

Today, Charlotte donned a much more casual outfit compared to the slightly less fashionable uniform she usually wore. It really suited her well-proportioned figure brilliantly.

“You think so?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. This crowd of people might have been huge to Charlotte, but to me, it was nothing. I didn’t even have to do anything; the crowd just parted before me, clearing a path to my destination. Even if they did start muttering amongst themselves as they did so.

“Ah, it’s the Piggy Duke.”

“Make way, make way... Anything could set him off. You don’t want him to pick on you...”

Hey, I’m not going to pick on anyone, I thought indignantly. How rude. The snide commentary continued on around me.

“What terrible plans is he cooking up this time? Wait, is he planning on joining the Magic Speed-Eating Contest?”

“Don’t worry. The princess of Cirquista is joining the contest too. Even the Piggy Duke would know better than to forget his place around her.”

“Is your head full of rocks? This is the Piggy Duke we’re talking about! He’s definitely up to no good!”

Scared of me as usual, this lot. They just can’t get enough of talking about me as though I can’t hear them. Well, I can. I do have ears, you know! Whatever. It doesn’t bother me. Sticks and stones and all that, but...if it were anybody else in my shoes, they’d be having a mental breakdown.

It only took a single glare from me to send them running for the hills.

“Eep! He’s looking this way!”

“Hurry! Run! I don’t want him to shake us down for our allowance again!”

That’s not going to happen, I tell you! I’ve cleaned up my act. And I’ve never shaken anyone down for money! Charlotte’s going to get the wrong idea! As we drew closer to the cathedral, the topic of the gossip on everyone’s lips shifted from snide comments about me to wistful ones from rejected contest entrants.

“I didn’t manage to snag a spot in the contest,” said one student. “I really wanted to win that beauty potion... If I had, I would’ve given it to Lady Alicia and confessed to her.”

“In your dreams, buddy,” his friend replied. “Even if you had a hundred beauty potions, it wouldn’t matter. She’s the princess of Cirquista, remember? You’re just a minor noble. There’s no way she’d have taken you seriously with your family standing.”

“Oh, shut up. A guy can dream!”

The cathedral, which was built to overlook the Langeron Square, was swarmed by people who’d gathered behind it to watch the contest. Thanks to a generous sponsor, the prize list was especially glamorous. At the top of the list was the grand prize that just about any of the girls at this school would kill for: the beauty potion. Vendors couldn’t stock the thing fast enough, popular as it was due to its skin-smoothing properties. Commoners and noble girls alike went crazy for the stuff. I heard that it sold for astronomically high prices now.

Once we’d pushed our way through the onlookers, I was finally able to get a good look at the contest grounds. They were little more than a bit of the cathedral grounds sectioned off by a length of rope, inside which a handful of tables were arranged around the inner perimeter. Looks like there are twelve teams competing, I thought, counting the number of tables.

Beyond those tables was a giant table, situated at the very center of the cordoned-off area. A veritable feast was arranged upon it, mountains of food just waiting to be devoured by the competitors.

“I think people are watching us... Master Slowe? Are you listening to me?” I didn’t hear a word she said. The moment my eyes landed on that food, they went wide as saucers, and my stomach let out a deafening gurgle.

“Did you hear that?!” someone cried out in alarm.

“It’s the Piggy Duke! Look out, everyone! Get out of the way!”

“Master Slowe, Master Slowe,” Charlotte prodded. “Here, lend me your wand. You didn’t forget your promise, did you?” When I didn’t respond, Charlotte’s gaze followed mine, landing on the banquet spread. “Ah...still entranced by the food. I guess you can’t help it. You skipped breakfast today in preparation for the contest...”

My stomach is ready. I pumped my right fist high into the air. I am so ready. This is my moment!

“Master Slowe, you might not have realized this, but...you look like a real orc when you breathe so heavily like that... Did you know that?”

“And here comes entry number ten, Team ‘Come Out, Princess Carina!’ Certainly a bold decision, naming themselves after the princess of Daryth, who rarely leaves the royal palace. According to our intrepid team, they plan to head to the royal palace and request an audience with the princess if they win the grand prize.” Valjean’s smooth voice echoed out over the crowd of onlookers. “This pair of first-years most likely wouldn’t make it past Cardinal Maldini even if they did come bearing a gift, but anyone can dream. Now, keep your eyes out for Redus Halken, who despite being a new student is quite adept at wielding fire magic. Surely his team’s spells will be of much interest as well.”

I watched Valjean from where I sat at the competitors’ tables. I could see why they’d chosen him to preside over the contest now. He really was quite adept at projecting his voice with wind magic. Another testament to his magical abilities.

The tables were still empty of food. From what I could gather, the first plates would be brought to us when they’d finished introducing all of the competing teams. Beside me, Charlotte held a wand gleefully, whispering aloud to herself. To be honest, it scared me a little bit.

“Now for entry number eleven! Team... ‘The Princess and the Crystal Ball Fanatic’! Hmm, that’s a bit long... We’ll just call them Team Princess. When asked for a word, they said, ‘That beauty potion is as good as mine!’ This is from the princess of Cirquista, the Metropolis of Water, a nation renowned for its patronage of the arts! The highly sought-after beauty potion would surely only further enhance Lady Cirquista’s radiance, adding to the splendor of our humble school.”

Looks like Lord Pauper is good at buttering people up, as usual, I thought with a roll of my eyes. Thunderous applause erupted for the pair sitting at the eleventh table. More specifically, the applause was meant for the girl sitting there.

“And so the main protagonists take the stage,” I muttered.

I couldn’t help but turn my attention towards the table beside mine. I had a bone to pick with “Team Princess” over there. In return, I felt an intense gaze from the team’s self-absorbed namesake, malicious and sharp as an arrow jabbing into me.

Valjean continued his effusive commentary, completely ignorant of the silent staring match happening between tables eleven and twelve. “Lady Cirquista, an overseas student from our allied nation, has quite the fan base here at Kirsch Mage Institute, and wouldn’t you know it? In the underground rankings for the girl most desired as a little sister...”

The princess of Cirquista was a slender girl with golden blonde hair tied into twin ponytails at either side of her head. She was dressed in the institute uniform. She possessed an energetic, childlike charm that drew countless smiles from those around her. That charm was distinctly absent at the moment. Her large, cat-like, almond-shaped eyes were fixed on me in a pointed glare, her lips thinned into a straight line of displeasure.

Her name was Alicia Bulla Dia Cirquista. She was the main heroine of Shuya Marionette...and my former fiancée.

“...Lady Cirquista reigns supreme! There are probably many ‘big brothers’ out there who want her to win the beauty potion.”

Valjean wasn’t exaggerating. Alicia was very much one of the most popular students at Kirsch Mage Institute. The biggest reason was very straightforward: her adorable appearance. Despite the fact that she wasn’t being very adorable right now, what with the way she kept glaring at me.

Boys like cute girls. That’s just a fact. Even an inhuman piglet like me would find my attention drawn to cute girls.

Slender, cheeky, and full of energy—and she was the picture of grace, too, thanks to her royal upbringing. If Charlotte was a single delicate flower blooming in the snowy mountains, Alicia was a sunflower standing proudly at the height of summer. She was noble, but also very approachable.

As if that weren’t enough, she was more fashionable and eye-catching than any noble lady of Daryth.

“Huh! This just in, folks, hot off the press! More than half of the entries in this contest have declared that they will offer the grand prize to Lady Alicia! Their lady partners are probably a little iffy about that! As expected of the princess of Cirquista: her popularity is unparalleled!”

Cirquista was said to be the nation of trendsetters. Maybe it was because of that that no matter where she was, Alicia never had so much as a hair out of place, catching everyone’s eyes with her splendor. She really did have everything going for her.

On the other hand, Daryth was a very traditional country. The noblewomen here used makeup, same as in the south, but they preferred a more natural look, opting to wear much less of it. They also weren’t very open about their male friends in public; because of this, many girls at the school were shy about being seen with the other sex, despite it being a co-ed institution.

Alicia did not have such qualms. She was unique in that regard. Partly because of that, Alicia regularly received confessions from the student noble boys of Daryth. At least, that’s what I heard from Valjean.

“On to entry number twelve! Team ‘Earnest Piggy Duke,’ with the notorious Slowe Denning himself! When asked about the ‘Earnest’ in their team name, he stated that it was because he’s turned a new leaf! How wonderful! Very befitting of a son of the great noble house of Daryth, House Denning! Let’s give it up for Lord Slowe!”

There was no clapping, unlike all the teams introduced before us. Instead, our team only got jeers and boos. Hey, who’s booing me? Ugh, don’t get them started, Lord Pauper!

Alicia turned to her partner, hitting him repeatedly in the shoulder. “Shuya! We must come in first; anything else is unacceptable! We must leave that pig in the dust! That is an order!”

“Okay, okay!” said the boy beside her. “I hear you, so stop hitting me already!” His eyes turned towards me. “Hey, wait a minute. The Piggy Duke’s in this contest too?! There’s no way! We can’t win against him at speed-eating!”

“Shuya, peer into the future right now!” Alicia demanded. “Use that crystal ball of yours and you will see the same future as I do!”

The short-haired redhead sitting beside Alicia was a thorn in my side. He had an overpowering presence that commanded people’s attention, and a mysterious charisma that drew people in. He was the favored child of Baron Newkern and as such lived on the second floor with the other minor nobles. His trademark was his crimson hair, often likened to wild, burning flames.

“I can see it, I see it...” said the boy, peering into his crystal ball. “I see us getting the beauty potion in the future aheaaad!” His voice rose to a bellowing shout as he went on.

“It’s just as I said, isn’t it, Shuya?! We’re going to win! Defeat is out of the question!”

The hot-blooded fortune-teller, who the viewers wanted to take a hike, was none other than the protagonist of Shuya Marionette!

“Yeah, we’re the ones who are going to get the beauty potion. Woo-hoo!” Shuya cheered. But then his expression suddenly shifted, turning sour. “But I can’t see a future where we win against the Piggy Duke at speed-eating! Aren’t there rumors of him eating more than his own weight in food?! It’s impossible!”

“Come on, Shuya! What are you saying?! We will win! We will defeat that pig, Slowe!”

Watching the pair continue bantering, I felt a hot fire well up deep inside me.

“Lady Alicia’s partner is the renowned Shuya Newkern! He’s a little odd, and is never seen without his trusty crystal ball! In fact, it’s rumored that Shuya’s soul actually resides within his crystal ball!”

Shuya dropped said crystal ball onto the table as Alicia began to throttle him. See, Shuya owed Alicia a very large debt, one that she lorded over him without mercy. Whenever he tried to go against Alicia’s will, even the slightest bit, she would treat him like a slave.

“Fine, fine! I’ll eat like my life depends on it, so stop strangling me, Alicia! You’re so violent. I’m not your retainer, you know! Knock it off!” Shuya struggled to work his way out of Alicia’s hold. “If you keep strangling me, it’s going to cause an international incident between Daryth and Cirquista! Everyone’s staring at us, and they’re all going to think that we’re weird if you don’t cut it out!”

“You’re the weirdo who carries a crystal ball everywhere!” Alicia retorted. “Who cares what other people think of you at this point?!”

The scene caused the crowd to burst into raucous laughter. As if he’d sensed their fight coming to a close, Valjean took the chance to wrap things up. “With that, that ends the introduction for all the teams!” he declared. “Now then, let’s move on to the courses that will be served this round!”

“Master Slowe, it seems that Lady Alicia still holds a grudge against you...” Charlotte whispered, leaning into my side. “It is kind of your own fault, though. Rumors of you being a self-indulgent orc spread all the way to Cirquista, and Alicia had a hard time dealing with being associated with you because of that. Or so I hear, anyway...” Straightening back up, Charlotte grinned excitedly down at the wand in her hand. My wand. “Hehe... Anyway, I can’t wait...!”

She seemed to be lost in her own little world. I couldn’t help but feel uneasy, looking at her like that.

“It’s a white flag! Team Five has surrendered.”

The rules of the contest were pretty straightforward: whichever team cleared the most plates by the end of the second round would be declared the winner. There was a catch, though.

Teams that finished the food on their tables would shout out for seconds, and someone stationed at the central food table would throw them a red ball. In order to receive another plate, one of the two people on the team would have to catch that ball.

Therein lay the rub. Most of the time, other teams would intercept the ball with their spells, and the team requesting more food would have to try again.

“We’ve got a heated battle here, folks!” Valjean cried. “Some of the spells have reached the audience seats too! Noble students who are watching here, please take care to protect yourselves.”

After the contest started, the eleven other teams initially fought amongst themselves. I really should have expected it. Few teams would want to get in my way because of my status, and then there was the matter of my reputation as the blackhearted Piggy Duke. They probably avoided me out of fear of retribution, be it from my fearsome reputation or because of the weight my name carried.

Either way, I took advantage of their reluctance, wolfing down one plate after another as they were brought to my table. All around me, spells shot off from all directions in a myriad of colors. I had a front-row seat for an impromptu spell exhibition.

Balls thrown from the central table were shot down by water spells and blown out of the air by wind spells. Light spells blinded the catcher as they prepared to catch their ball too. Each team of students fought in their own unique way.

Just when I was sure I had this in the bag, the stalemate between the other teams was suddenly broken.

“Darn! Why isn’t anyone aiming for that pig?!” Alicia cried in outrage. “The nobles of Daryth are such cowards! Shuya, I’m going to sabotage the pig, so eat up!” She gestured to the central table. “Seconds! We want seconds over here! Hurry up!”

“Hey, don’t be ridiculous, Alicia!” Shuya protested over his plate of food. “I can only eat so fast! I haven’t finished this plate yet! Cancel the seconds for Team Princess, please! We’re not done!”

While I lived on the fourth floor of the boys’ dorm, Alicia lived on the fifth floor of the girls’ dorm. You know, the floor reserved only for royalty. And as befitting such royalty from a nation so intertwined with water, Alicia aimed to turn the tides in her favor.

“Charlotte! Protect our ball from Alicia’s magic!” I exclaimed.

“On it, Master Slowe! Here I go!”

Encouraged by Alicia’s vigor and the positive reaction from the crowd, other teams started taking aim at us too.

The crowd was going wild. Some whistled loudly, while others yelled for the other teams to cast straight at me. By this point, nearly half of the teams had given up, so it wasn’t like their sabotages would make much of a difference. But I was about to learn that the other teams weren’t my biggest obstacle.

“Charlotte! Why are you sabotaging me and not the other teams?!” I shouted.

“Huh? I am sabotaging the other teams! What are you talking about?!”

“You’re sabotaging me, Charlotte! Look! You just surprised the person who was carrying seconds to our table, and they tripped! That counts as a failed attempt too!”

“Master Slowe!” Charlotte gasped. “There’s sauce on your face! It’s all sticky!”

My biggest obstacle was the girl standing next to me.

“There’s sauce on my face because of your spell! Your spell splattered the sauce on the table all over the place!” I snapped.

“That wasn’t me! That was another team! It’s Team Four’s fault!”

“It is definitely because of your spell backfiring, because Team Four has already dropped out!”

“It didn’t backfire!” Charlotte protested. “I just haven’t held a wand in a long time. But I’m fine now! I’ve gotten the hang of it already!”

“You sure about that?” I asked skeptically.

“I’m positive! Please believe me, Master Slowe!”

I’ll be frank. It’s not good to be wishy-washy about this. Not for me, not for you. Charlotte might have been royalty once, coming from the destroyed kingdom of Huzak and all, but she was downright terrible at magic.

“Look at that! The retainer for the Piggy Duke is using magic!”

Out of all the retainers hired by the Dennings, she was the only one banned from using magic because of how much trouble it caused for those around her. Regardless of how good or bad she was with magic, it wasn’t like I could do anything about it now.

“She works for House Denning! Of course she can use magic! All retainers of House Denning are experts at magic. They say that their retainers can send strong monsters running off with their tails between their legs just by looking at them. Don’t be fooled by her looks, or you’ll be in a world of pain!”

Charlotte’s condition for joining the contest with me was loaning her my wand. Thus, Team Earnest Piggy Duke was born, with me in charge of eating and Charlotte in charge of casting.

“I thought retainers weren’t eligible for this contest, though...” someone commented, referencing the rules posted by the contest runners. “Let’s see here... According to this sheet, the requirements for entry are—”

“Stop right there! Even if she’s just a retainer, she’s that Piggy Duke’s... She’s from House Denning! If we make one wrong move around her, she might beat us up with magic!”

The onlooker groaned loudly. “Still, sweet Charlotte is so cute. It’s a crime for the Piggy Duke to have a cute retainer all to himself like that.”

Besides Charlotte’s inept spellcasting causing problems, I couldn’t interfere with the other teams too much. I had changed, after all, from the blackhearted Piggy Duke into the sincere, earnest Piggy Duke. If I went overboard, it’d only sully my reputation further. It could even turn the contest into a complete disaster.

“Shuya, you’re doing well! If you keep this up, we will definitely win and leave that guy in the dust! Aha ha, life is good!” Alicia cackled, despite the fact that she was drenched from a spell cast by another team.

Shuya stuffed food into his mouth. “G-Gib me more, pleath!” he shouted through a mouthful of food.

“Well, well!” said Valjean. “Team Princess is making a comeback! If they can keep up this pace, they might be able to catch up to Team Earnest Piggy Duke!”

Yikes! They’re closing the gap!

I turned to Charlotte, who had been waving her wand around fruitlessly for a good while. “Charlotte, drop the wand under the table!” I hissed.

“Huh?” She tilted her head, confused. “Why? If I drop it, I can’t sabotage them.”

“Just do it! I’ll give it back afterwards! Besides, all your spells are hitting me and not them!”

Charlotte dropped the wand in such an obvious way that it wouldn’t fool anyone. Resisting the urge to groan, I immediately slid under the table, picked it up, and pointed it over towards Alicia and Shuya’s table.

“Alchemize,” I murmured.

“Shuya! Quit messing around! Stop looking under the table and eat!”

“I swear I heard the sound of money falling! Just wait a second! ...Huh? Was I hearing things? I don’t see it anywhere...”

Clink!

It was unmistakably the sound of a coin.

“There it is again!”

“Shuya!” Alicia scoffed. “What are you doing?! That isn’t money you’re picking at, it’s just metal! I’ve suspected this for a while, but you really are an idiot!”

“Ah, do you hear that? Is it money this time?!” Shuya abandoned his plate, peering under the table in search of the noise.

“Now you’re just being silly! We’re in the middle of a speed-eating contest, for goodness’ sake! See, it’s metal again and not money! Stop it already!”

Bending down to pretend to retrieve the wand for Charlotte, I threw a small stone under their table and quickly cast a spell on it to transfigure the stone into metal. Before anyone had the chance to realize it was me casting the spell, I handed the wand back to Charlotte.

“I’m not being silly! You hear it too, right?! Ah, there it is again.”

“It’s just metal, not money! Have you got a few loose screws or what?!”

“But it might be money!” Shuya protested. “I need any cash I can get my hands on to pay you back as soon as possible! Even if it’s one shilling copper, I need to pick it up!”

Alicia flushed in embarrassment. “Don’t say something so scandalous in public!” she hissed. “This is all because you broke my precious vase! Do you even realize how valuable that vase was?!”

Huh, seems like they’ve started quarreling, I thought, snickering to myself. It might be a cheap trick, but it works.

After I’d had Charlotte drop the wand and repeated this process several more times, I felt Charlotte’s chilly gaze on me, and I looked up. It seemed she’d caught on to me.

Charlotte furrowed her eyebrows, groaning slightly to herself.

“Um, Charlotte, why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.

“Master Slowe, how many more times do I have to drop your wand?”

I paused to ponder it. “...Two more times. Three times, just to be safe.”

“I must look so clumsy right now,” she groaned.

“Not at all,” I assured her. “There’s no way anyone would see you as clumsy, Charlotte. Come on, please?”

Charlotte sighed. She probably realized that I was playing foul, but she only rarely ever had the chance to cast spells as she pleased. Hesitantly, Charlotte agreed, continuing her clumsy act.

“Oops, I dropped my wand again,” she exclaimed.

“It’s okay, Charlotte! I’ll get it!” I said, playing it up. “...And down we go.”

Alicia was at her wits’ end and looked like she might throttle Shuya again. Seizing that chance, I began to crawl under the table when a voice rose up out of the crowd.

“Lord Denning!” the voice cheered. “Keep it up! You’re almost there!”

“Oh? Oooh? That voice just now... If my ears don’t deceive me, I’d say I just heard someone cheer for the Piggy Duke, Lord Slowe! What a shocking turn of events!”

Someone cheered for me. Someone cheered for me? I might have thought it was my imagination, but based on Valjean’s commentary, it seemed that other people had heard it too. If not that, then the commotion from the crowd would’ve been more than enough proof that it was real.

“I understand this reaction from the crowd...” said Valjean. “Who would have thought that anyone would cheer for Lord Slowe?”

Oh, shut up, I thought bitterly. Valjean continued before I had too much time to dwell on that.

“Please remember this, though! Lord Slowe has been working hard on losing weight lately, and he eats with his fellow students in the dining hall every morning! According to him, he intends to maintain this change for the better. So give it up for him, like that anonymous supporter!”

Jeez, that idiot. Commentators are meant to be impartial. His bias didn’t escape the notice of my competition either. See, Alicia’s glaring at you now. She’s a scary one. She wouldn’t hesitate to use her sharp tongue against the most fearsome foes. What do you plan to do if she turns that sharp tongue on you?

Charlotte yawned. “I cast a lot of spells today. I’m tired. But that’s beside the point. That voice just now was a girl, right...?”

Doesn’t seem like Charlotte recognizes that person either. I wonder who it could have been. I popped up from under the table and peered around. But there were just too many people around to distinguish the mysterious cheerleader. Oh well, I’ll leave that for later. Time is nearly up. I gotta get past the last stretch!

“Come on, more food! Bring it on! I can still eat! Oink oiiink!”

“Our grand prize winner is Team Earnest Piggy Duke!” Valjean announced. “They were miles ahead of second place, Team Princess! In the end, nobody could even hold a candle to him in a speed-eating contest! Everyone probably expected this!”

My team won first place by a mile.

Alicia sat shell-shocked beside Shuya, who looked on the brink of death. The crowd stared in disgust at me, probably wondering how a human could possibly eat more than their own weight.

He he he he. Don’t underestimate how much I can eat! It’s hard work maintaining this body shape! There’s no one in the world who could beat me at speed-eating!

“The beauty potion is...well, it will be awarded to Team Piggy Duke. Team Earnest Piggy Duke, I mean. Is he planning on gifting it to his endearing retainer?” Despite my victory, Valjean wasn’t looking at me with a celebratory gaze. In fact, he looked terribly confused.

“Wait a minute... Uh, Lord Slowe? Weren’t you going for the weight-loss potion that was the second-place prize? What in the world happened?”

I stood there dumbfounded holding the beauty potion after the awards ceremony. I mean, I knew. I knew that the beauty potion was the first-place prize and the weight loss potion was the second-place prize.

I’d realized that at the rate we were going we would outpace everyone, so I’d planned on slowing down my pace halfway through so that we would come in second. But I hadn’t thought the other teams would give up so easily.

I had estimated the amount everyone could eat based on my own standards. Surely, I thought, they can eat more than that. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that Shuya of all people would give up halfway through, since he was the kind of guy who tended to forge ahead through sheer willpower alone. I ended up winning first place by a landslide.

But I still had a chance to get the weight loss potion.

“Hey,” I called out, acknowledging the presence that had been lurking behind me. “How long do you plan on standing there, Alicia?”

I went out of my way to make it easy to approach me. There aren’t any students around. I figured she’d hate being seen with me, so I picked a place where no one would run into us.

Alicia didn’t deign to grace me with a response right away. “How shameless of you, wanting a potion to lose weight the easy way... You’ve had plenty of opportunities to go on a diet before now. It’s a little late for this, don’t you think?”

Below the fresh canopy of trees stood the person I’d been expecting: the main heroine of the highly popular anime Shuya Marionette, the princess from our allied Metropolis of Water, the one who came all the way to study at Kirsch Mage Institute instead of attending a school in her own country...Alicia Bulla Dia Cirquista.

This prized and popular student glared at me with those huge eyes of hers. “You are the way you are now because you didn’t take the hands offered to you, Piggy Slowe.”

I knew Alicia’s personality better than anyone else—I was her former fiancé, after all. Above all, she despised lies and deceit, and she didn’t hesitate to give me a sharp tongue-lashing. That’s all the more reason why I must face her now as the honest Piggy Duke.

“You’re right,” I agreed. “It might be too late.”

“Let me correct that for you. It’s not just too late, it’s impossible. No matter what you try now, you’ll only struggle in vain. Your reputation has spread well beyond this school and throughout the entirety of Daryth... No, not just Daryth, but throughout the whole world.”

“The whole world, huh? I must be quite the celebrity, then.”

“I’m not joking,” she snapped. “Bring up the embarrassment of House Denning, the great nobles of Daryth, and everyone in Cirquista will picture your face. I’ve been through some awful, awful things because of you...” Hatred burned in Alicia’s eyes as she recalled some terrible memories. Alicia never hid her distaste towards me. Out of everyone in this school, she probably hated and resented me the most.

“So what do you want with this resident celebrity, then?” I asked after a moment of awkward silence. “I think I can hazard a guess. I thought it was strange that you entered that kind of event, considering how you avoid things you find troublesome. But then again, even nobles in this country have a hard time getting a hold of this beauty potion they were handing out as the grand prize. I guess it would appeal to you, now that I think about it.” I looked down at the box in my hands. “Is this what you want?”

“Of course it is. It’s not like you’ll have any use for it, anyway.”

“So you’re offering to...what, take it off my hands?” I asked. “You haven’t changed. You’re self-centered, as always.”

Alicia harrumphed at me. “Am I wrong? I know you wanted the weight loss potion, not the beauty potion.”

Silence fell, broken only by the breeze which blew in the distance between us. It would take about a dozen steps forward to close that distance—physically and metaphorically speaking.

“The whole school’s talking up a storm about how you’ve started trying to lose weight. But it’s all too little, too late for you. Duke Denning and those knights... Everyone in Daryth feigns ignorance when asked about you. Now you want to declare that this is your true self, after slacking off all this time? Are you for real...? Even though you ignored me all this time...?”

When I became the blackhearted Piggy Duke, I slowly distanced myself from Alicia. Me calling her my fiancée also became a thing of the past. We were just schoolmates now; nothing more, nothing less.

“You’re right. Maybe it is too late. But I decided that I wanted to thin down anyway, so...I need that weight loss potion, Alicia.”

“In that case,” the foreign princess sneered at me, still clutching her own prize, “I wouldn’t mind trading you this for that wooden box you’ve got there.”

“Just putting it out there, but in terms of value, my prize is worth way, way more than yours,” I reminded her. “It’s the first-place prize versus the second-place prize. I can’t just trade mine away for nothing.” Jeez, Alicia really likes calling me a pig, huh? I know that I look like a pig on the outside, but she could be a bit nicer. She clicked her tongue at me but said nothing more.

“You’re being really rude,” I remarked. “I can’t believe you’re so popular. You’ve deceived all the boys in this school.”

“You have no right to say that,” she retorted snidely. “It’s almost comical that a pig like you came from House Denning of Daryth, one of the nation’s greatest noble families. You are a disgrace to your ancestors. Making us... We all had such great expectations for you, and yet...”

Nobody knows. Nobody knows the real reason why I chose to act the way I did. That was my most well-kept secret, though. My most precious one. It couldn’t be helped. After all, I had sworn to never breathe a word of Charlotte’s secret—to take it to my grave.

“It’s exactly as you say, Alicia,” I admitted at length. “All of it. I am the embarrassment of House Denning, and I spat in the face of my ancestors’ glory. I am a disgrace to them. I won’t make excuses.”

“If your father heard you say that, he would cry tears of joy.”

“Who knows? Maybe he’s forgotten all about me already,” I said, only half joking.

“You reap what you sow,” Alicia said, unmoved.

“Indeed. I can’t deny that.” I was eager to change the topic. “That said...I just noticed you’re still using that old wand, huh?”

Wands were our tool for communicating with the spirits. Nobles would usually arrange for a new one when they went off to enter a mage academy. They had to keep up appearances, after all. Alicia was an overseas student and a member of the royal family, literally a representative of her country, and yet was still using the same one she had as a child. Even my own family had given me a new wand, despite my notoriously bad behavior as the Piggy Duke, as a way of showing off their wealth.

“You always notice the most trivial things, don’t you? The Magic Academy has proven the value of a familiar wand, and such wands should be used with care. As a member of the royal family of Cirquista, it is my duty to set an example for others.”

“That’s true. I’ve heard that before,” I agreed. “It’s admirable that you cherish your belongings like this too.”

Alicia was silent for a long moment. “You might have given me the gemstone used in this wand when we were young, but I’m only using it because it’s easier for me. So don’t get the wrong idea,” she finally muttered.

“No, I’m not assuming anything. Honestly.”

I didn’t understand why, but I must have angered her. Flushing a deep shade of red, Alicia chucked her wooden box towards me. “Who needs this disgusting potion, anyway?!” she yelled.

“Woah, don’t throw it! There are valuables insi— Ow!” The box with the second-place prize inside soared towards me in a perfect arc and landed squarely on my head. I dropped the box with the beauty potion in it onto the ground without realizing it. “You didn’t have to throw it...” I complained, whimpering in pain and clutching at my head.

“I’m only using this wand because I’m fond of it, so don’t jump to any weird conclusions!” Alicia seethed with anger as she closed in on me like a cat stalking its prey. Her short temper hadn’t changed a single bit. The whole thing felt nostalgic to me, as if I’d regained a fragment of something I had lost. A small bud of happiness blossomed within my heart.

“What are you grinning at?!” she snapped. Ignoring my pain, Alicia moved to snatch the beauty potion off the ground from where I dropped it.

“Hey! Don’t just take it...”

“Piggy Slowe! I definitely think you’re beyond changing now!” Alicia harrumphed at me again. “You’d better work hard so that Charlotte doesn’t give up on you because she’s the only one who hasn’t!” With that, Alicia stormed off, her pigtails trailing in her wake. Her skirt flapped against the wind, allowing for a brief glimpse of her fit legs.

“When was the last time I talked with her for this long?” I wondered aloud after a pause. “Oh well. At least I have the weight loss potion now.”

I brushed off the dirt from the wooden box that had fallen to the ground before I opened it to check its contents. Inside the box lay a transparent bottle filled with yellowish-brown liquid and neatly packed with wood shavings around it. Inside it, a giant earthworm floated in the liquid with its eyes closed.

“This is the first time I’ve gotten to see the weight loss potion for myself...” I mumbled. “A Fat Worm in hibernation, just like the rumors said. Ew, it’s really gross...”

This creature was a monster named the Fat Worm, and it lived only in the darkest depths of dungeons. Because the fluid it excreted during its hibernation was said to break down fats, the Fat Worm was an extremely valuable monster that fetched a high price. A weight-loss potion like this one was little more than a hibernating Fat Worm soaked in a specially spiced liquid to make the worm easier to stomach.

Having checked the contents, I gingerly placed the potion back into the box. I didn’t move for a while, basking in the sense of accomplishment. That was when someone tapped me on the shoulder. Turning around, I saw an endearing silver-haired girl standing there behind me.

“Master Slowe, how did it go?”

“Glad you asked, Charlotte.” Chuckling, I held up the box for her to see. “Look at this!”

“Wow! You actually managed to trade with Lady Alicia! The operation was a huge success!” There stood Charlotte, exuding excitement that her plan had worked.

“I couldn’t have done it without you, Charlotte. I honestly didn’t think Alicia would talk to me at all, even with no one around.”

Charlotte was the one who noticed that Alicia was extremely frustrated during the awards ceremony. “After the contest...if you take the beauty potion with you somewhere deserted, you’ll give Lady Alicia an opening to talk to you without being seen. She would definitely ask to exchange the potions with you if you did that!” Charlotte had said, presenting me with a plan to obtain the weight loss potion.

“But Master Slowe, you talked with Lady Alicia for quite some time, despite it being just an exchange. What happened?”

“She was just making snide comments about me. According to her, she couldn’t understand why I wanted a weight loss potion because, in her words, it’s ‘too late’ for me now. She threw the box at my head too. What a terrible person.”

“Oh... I thought Lady Alicia would say that she changed her opinion of you for the better, but...” Charlotte trailed off. “In any case, Master Slowe, please show me what’s in the box!”

“Whoa! Charlotte, careful! Be very careful!”

“I know! I’m amazing at being careful, don’t you worry!” Charlotte assured.

Charlotte’s snow-white hands were lit by the gentle spring sun as she took the bottle of potion out of the wooden box. The incident occurred a split second later.

Holding up the bottle of yellowish-brown liquid, Charlotte let the sunlight shine through it. “Huh? Wha— Ew! Wh-What is this?!” Charlotte screamed as she saw the Fat Worm in the liquid up close.

I quickly reached out, desperate to catch the bottle that slipped from Charlotte’s grasp. My fingers, however, barely brushed the surface of the bottle. Before my eyes, the weight loss potion shattered as it hit the ground, its liquid contents spilling out onto the grass.

Charlotte squealed again at the sight. “A-An e-earthworm...” With shaking fingers, Charlotte pointed. “Master Slowe, there was a disgusting earthworm in that potion...”

The valuable earthworm monster crawled out of the remains of the shattered bottle, lazily burrowing itself into the ground.

“...The worm is the weight loss potion, Charlotte. The Fat Worm is a monster that secretes a fluid that breaks down fats when it hibernates. A weight-loss potion is just a hibernating Fat Worm placed into a drinkable liquid.”

“O-Oh, so that’s what it was,” Charlotte stuttered. “I-I’m so sorry, Master Slowe, I... I...!”

“I see... It’s okay, you didn’t know, Charlotte...”

Fat Worms had no value once they awoke from hibernation. Her shock couldn’t be helped. If someone saw that kind of thing without knowing what it was beforehand like I did, they would definitely be grossed out by such a sight. I was about to console Charlotte, to tell her not to worry and that it had returned to nature, when I froze. Tears were trickling down Charlotte’s face.

“You don’t have to cry about it!” I said, panicked.

Charlotte sniffled. “But Master Slowe, you worked so hard to get it. Lady Alicia just gave it to you, but I...I’m such an idiot. Earthworms are just fine as food. I ate lots of them back when we lived on Denning lands...” I couldn’t stand to see her beat herself up like this.

“You helped me by joining the Magic Speed-Eating Contest with me, Charlotte! It was really fun for me! Plus, I was able to talk to Alicia for the first time in ages! And earthworms aren’t food!”

If I hadn’t had Charlotte’s help, I wouldn’t have been able to enter the contest in the first place. More than that, losing the weight loss potion didn’t change the fact that we competed and won first place together.

“...Mind,” she muttered. My desperate attempts to console her seemed to be working. Charlotte rubbed the corners of her eyes and murmured, “I’ve made up my mind.”

“Um... Made up your mind on what?” I questioned.

“I’ll make a weight loss potion,” Charlotte declared.

“You, Charlotte?” I asked, unsure. She nodded in response.

Does she intend to catch a Fat Worm from a dungeon? I swallowed that question down before I let it slip out. If my beloved Charlotte is going to make a weight loss potion for me, no matter what recipe she follows, nothing in the world would make me happier.

“I’ll...I’ll make it. I’ll definitely make a weight-loss potion for you.” Clenching her hand into a fist, my retainer made her declaration with a fierce look of conviction on her face.

True to her word, Charlotte started brewing weight-loss potions after that.