Chapter 7: An Ill-Fated Love
Chapter 7: An Ill-Fated Love
A wand is a mage’s lifelong partner. One chooses their wand when they first begin learning magic, and they spend years with it. Each person’s respective quirks have a way of shaping their weapon, crafting it into something uniquely theirs by the time they graduate.
It is up to each mage to personally craft their wand from a Dragon Tree’s branch. As long as a person uses one of the fallen branches as the base of their weapon, they are free to add whatever adornments they wish. Some will craft theirs into an iron wand, others will top theirs with a gemstone, and others will decorate theirs with flowers. There is also a class at the Academy on wandmaking.
“Miss Elsha, what are you going to do?”
“Hm… I’m thinking about going with the ink type.”
“Nice! No surprise it’s one of the standard choices, since it’s so easy to use.”
Oriana was currently in the engineering lab for her Magical Item Crafting class. Since the tables in here were big enough for four people to work side-by-side, she was surrounded by three other classmates. The surface of the table was covered in a number of printouts and tomes. One was an open reference book with diagrams of different wands, complete with illustrations of historical examples and their owners’ characteristics.
Once Oriana distanced herself from Vincent and Miguel, she thought she would be all alone. But her classmates weren’t so cold-hearted that they’d leave her to fend for herself. They were kind enough to include her, despite how she’d chased Vincent all these years without regard for anything (or anyone) else.
You guys are angels!
Amanecer held those who’d inherited dragon’s blood in high esteem, which included Vincent. Yet none of Oriana’s classmates blamed her for her lack of manners when it came to him. They did interrogate her about why the two of them had split, but that was only at the start. Now, they treated her like anyone else.
I thought I was picking Vincent at the expense of everyone else. I never dreamed a day would come when I would get along with everyone so well like this.
Little did she know that they were all secretly thinking, Oriana’s been completely obsessed with Vincent for these past four years. Seeing how quiet she’s become is discomforting. Can’t she go back to her normal, noisy self? Oriana, oblivious to this, was so touched by their kindness, she almost started sniffling.
“How about you guys?” Oriana asked.
Derek answered, “I think I’m going to put a crystal in mine.”
Dragons loved beautiful gems. One theory claimed that dragons actually ate them. That said, no one had ever seen a dragon; all stories of them were from days long past. That was enough time for people to no longer know whether they’d ever really existed or not.
“Awesome! Maybe that’ll make it easier to borrow the dragons’ power.”
“I think I’ll go for the natural type,” said Marina.
Another male student, sitting beside Derek, chimed in, “I think I’ll go with the composite type.”
Wand adornments were broken down by types. The easiest and most common options were: ink type, gem type, natural type, blessing type, and composite type.
The ink type involved creating a compartment in one’s wand where pen and ink could be stored. This made it the most traditional choice, since as long as a mage had their wand and some magic paper with them, they could draw a magic circle wherever and whenever.
The gem type involved embedding a gemstone into the tip of a crafted wand. It acted as a beacon, making it easier for the dragons to sense its presence, in turn amplifying the magic flowing to the mage from the underground leylines. This was the favored option for those whose preferred occupation required precise control.
As the name implied, the natural type was a simple wand carved out of one of the Dragon Tree’s branches. The school provided the facilities necessary for altering one’s wand, but all supplies were out-of-pocket expenses. People who wanted to save money were generally the ones who opted for this type. Of course, there were also some that simply preferred their weapon the way it was and thus chose this option.
The next type was rather rare, but there were some who selected branches that were as tall as them. Those people were said to have received the dragons’ blessing. It was considered blasphemous to snap these abnormally large branches in half, so those who did find one would instead devise a way to make it easier to carry. These were known as the blessing type.
The composite type was just as it sounded: a wand composed of multiple types. Generally, most people combined the ink and gem types. There were also many mages who initially picked one type, only to add another later.
“I figured you would go for the gem or composite type, Miss Elsha,” said Derek.
Oriana pursed her lips. She had originally intended to go with composite, and in her past life, she’d actually chosen the gem type.
She shifted her gaze to the floor. “Well, you see… There was a…problem with the gem I ordered…”
Although she tried to play it off, the reason her plans had gone awry was immediately apparent.
“Ah,” Derek remarked, scratching his head. “You ordered tanzanite, right?”
“Urgh…”
“Don’t sweat it! People do stuff like that when they’re in love.”
“Ughhh…”
Derek’s attempt to reassure her only twisted the knife deeper.
Oriana sank forward, flopping her upper body over the top of the table. She’d asked her father to retrieve a beautiful purple gem known as tanzanite. The one she’d specifically wanted was about half the size of her fist, fairly transparent, and had a soft lilac color. Although rare for tanzanite, it had a beautiful inclusion in it that resembled a shooting star.
Oriana fell in love with it at first sight. The gem’s name was even similar to Vincent’s surname and had his eye color too. No one could really blame her for picking it, not with how besotted she was.
Despite the great lengths her father had gone to acquire it since she refused to compromise on anything else, Oriana had still hesitated over whether to use it on her wand or not. Ultimately, she’s decided not to for now.
After all that’s happened, I don’t have the courage to put it on my wand.
It was stashed inside the drawer of her bedside table, wrapped in countless sheets of cloth. She was basically treating it like a cursed item she had sealed away. Imagining what reaction Vincent would have when he saw was intimidating enough on its own. Whatever he did—whether he scorned her, ridiculed her, or ignored her altogether—it would be painful.
Maybe he wouldn’t even notice. Lately, our eyes don’t even meet anymore.
Not that the two had ever traded signals with their eyes or shared passionate glances to begin with, but the utter lack of eye contact was proof he was purposefully ignoring her.
Oriana remained plastered across the table, play-sobbing. Marina reached over and patted her on the head.
Marina, you are way too kind! You must be an angel!
“When times are tough, running is always an option!”
“That’s right. In fact, maybe this is the perfect opportunity. It doesn’t have to be Mister Tanzine.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it must be lonely for you. Especially given how quiet you’ve been.”
“You’re a cute girl, Miss Elsha. Why not look for a new boyfriend?”
“I’m sure you’ll find one in no time!”
Oriana had no idea what her classmates meant by perfect timing and her being lonely, but she did know that “new boyfriend” was a misunderstanding since Vincent had never actually been her boyfriend in this timeline. She lifted her head to say as much but stopped short when Marina’s hand froze on the top of her head. Across the table, the two boys were sitting perfectly still, as if they’d been petrified. Sweat was beading on their faces as they stared blankly forward.
Oriana tilted her head. She casually followed their gazes, which were pinned on something directly behind Marina. Her mouth began to shake, for there was a young man standing there with eyes the exact same color as the very gemstone she’d been discussing only moments prior.
Vincent may as well have had a piece of magic parchment tacked to him with the Kahn rune for “Frigid” inscribed on it, because the temperature of his gaze right now was absolute zero. It was the first time their eyes had met in a while. Oriana cracked her mouth open, racking her brain for what to say, but no words came out.
His handsome face remained perfectly still, showing no sign of emotion as he turned and left. With each step, his short blond hair gave a small bounce.
“Wh-What was that about…”
How weird, especially when he hasn’t even bothered to glance my way this whole time…
Oriana had no idea why he’d been standing behind their table, but she inwardly cursed him for his confusing whims.
❦❦❦
“…riana. Oriana!”
Oriana’s eyes flew open to find the Desert Star shining before her. Yana should’ve been fast asleep in the overhead bunk, but for some reason, she was peering into Oriana’s face instead.
“Yeah? Wh-What is it?” Oriana managed to rasp out, still tongue-tied from having just woken up.
“Are you unaware of the time? Normally, you would be finished getting ready by now.”
“What? You gotta be kidding me!”
“I certainly am not ‘kidding’ you. I tried to rouse you numerous times while doing my morning stretches.”
The blood drained from Oriana’s face. She scrambled out of her bed in a panic and raced to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and get changed.
“It’s rare for you to stay in bed this long,” Yana commented. “Did you have trouble sleeping last night?”
“Uh. Well…something like that.”
It wasn’t just last night. Ever since her fight with Vincent, Oriana had hardly slept a wink. Bitter memories flooded her the moment she closed her eyes, giving her brain no rest. Yana went to sleep first, which was why she never noticed Oriana turning over numerous times, unable to get any shut-eye.
Oriana plopped herself in front of the vanity and peered into the mirror. She gawked at herself.
“What a disaster. My eye bags are awful. If I’m to cover them with makeup, this may take a while.”
She removed the lid of a nearby porcelain container and dipped a thick brush in, coating it with a fine powder. This foundation was specifically created to match Oriana’s skin tone.
“Yana, go on ahead without me. I’ll skip breakfast today.”
“I agree in your pursuit of beauty, but skipping breakfast will only harm you in the long run.”
“Urgh,” Oriana groaned. “I want my future self to be beautiful too, but my first priority is doing something about my face now!”
“In that case, I will leave first,” Yana said with a shrug. It was fortunate that Yana was so independent. Oriana liked that part about her.
Oriana stared at the mirror as she applied her foundation. It had crushed pearl in it, which made her skin glisten when the light hit it just right. As she layered it on the outside of her bottom eyelid, its dark circles became slightly less pronounced.
Oriana was better than other girls her age at naturally applying makeup, a small bonus of having leaped backward in time. She’d already gone through trial and error before, so she no longer shaved her brows down too far or strayed outside the lines when putting on her lipstick.
Since Oriana was a merchant’s daughter, she was already accustomed to using the latest cosmetics. She’d made sure to bring her beauty supplies with her when she entered the Academy for the second time. Once a person gets used to applying makeup, they feel nervous without it. Plus, she did feel cuter when she wore it. It was only natural for her to want to be the cutest she could be when meeting Vincent.
Oriana was skilled enough at applying makeup that a number of other girls had come to her for advice. In spite of that, she was having no luck today. Her foundation even seemed to be standing out awkwardly against her skin.
“Oops, did I put too much on?”
She stared wide-eyed at her reflection. It’d been a long time since she’d committed such an error. Alas, while her makeup looked worse than normal, she didn’t have the luxury of time to go about fixing it.
I want to be the cutest I can be in front of Vincent, even if he doesn’t glance my way at all.
❦❦❦
“HEY, Miss Elsha, isn’t this yours?”
School had already ended when Derek flagged Oriana down in the hallway to hand some materials over to her.
Flustered, she gasped. “Oh gosh, sorry. Yeah, this is mine. You actually went out of your way to hunt me down? Sorry for the trouble. And thanks.” Oriana had already made her way to a spot in the complete opposite direction of the classroom in which they’d just had their lesson.
“I figured you’d need it for our report that’s due tomorrow,” he said.
“Oh, right. I was actually thinking about starting on it now.”
“You headed to the study hall? Mind if I tag along?”
“Not at all. You’re more than welcome.”
Going to the study hall without the materials necessary to begin her report would’ve been utterly pointless. Oriana was exasperated with herself.
What am I even doing? All day long, I keep making mistakes.
A cloud of gloom hung over her head and it even seemed to weigh her body down. Oriana forced herself to keep moving as she and Derek exchanged small talk.
As the two climbed the stairs, Vincent and Miguel came into view on the top floor. Oriana barely had the opportunity to register her surprise before her eyes flew wide open. As Vincent cut through the corridor, Sharon was glued to his arm.
Oh crap. Crap, crap, crap!
Something was wrong with her body. It froze in place and wouldn’t move an inch.
“Miss Elsha?” Derek, who was climbing the stairs after her, drew his brows in confusion when he noticed she’d stopped moving. Curious, he looked up at the above hallway. “Oh boy…”
Vincent must’ve heard Derek calling her name because he glanced down the stairwell. Before she could glimpse his expression, Oriana turned on her heel. Her face was deathly pale and her mouth kept gaping helplessly.
Derek’s face hardened with determination. “No choice, I guess. In for a penny, in for a pound…!”
She had no idea what he was talking about, but he suddenly grabbed her hand and whispered “Run” in her ear. He started back the way they’d come, descending the stairs with her in tow. Oriana’s brain was still frozen, so she’d no other choice but to follow.
Crap, this is…
Oriana was careful not to trip as she made her way down with Derek. The corners of her eyes were growing hot.
Crap. Just…crap!
All strength fled her body. Fortunately, they’d made it down the stairs at some point. When Oriana’s legs crumpled beneath her, Derek reached an arm out to support her, worriedly peering at her face.
“Miss Elsha, are you all right?”
No, of course, I’m not all right…!
Still short of breath, Oriana managed to force a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks. Sorry about that. I was just a little…surprised.”
A pitying look flashed across Derek’s face but quickly disappeared. He shook his head slightly and asked, “What do you want to do? Go to a different study hall? Or…”
“I think I want to be alone for a bit.”
“All right. I know I’m being a bit nosy, but what about your things? If you’re okay with it, I can deliver them to the dorm for you. Or I give your stuff to Miss Mahathin, she’ll make sure you get it later, right?”
“Yeah. Sorry about this. You really don’t mind? I appreciate it!” Oriana tried to keep her voice as cheerful as possible as she passed her belongings over to him. The materials didn’t have much meaning to her now, since she wouldn’t be able to work on her report anyway. Derek could obviously see right through her façade too.
“Also, sorry about holding your hand,” he said. “I’m sure it must have caught you off guard, but I didn’t want you to trip.”
“It’s fine. You did me a big favor. Anyway, I’ll be going.” Oriana scurried off until she was out of Derek’s sight. Her legs caught beneath her, and she tripped, but she immediately pulled herself up and started running again.
There’s no way I can see that and not cry.
Oriana kept moving, not even bothering to shake off the dirt stuck to her sleeves.
Despite all that’d happened, she still thought she was the girl closest to Vincent. She thought she was the only one allowed to be at his side, trade witty banter with him, and touch his body.
Even though he was cold sometimes, Vincent never truly rebuffed me even once these past four years. When we had that fight, that was the first time he ever truly rejected me.
“I don’t want to hear you say that you ‘adore me’ or anything like that anymore.”
Oriana had realized he was genuinely pushing her away, which was precisely why she backed off. Sharon, however, continued to be at his side. Today, she’d even clung to his arm.
Argh! No more, no more! Stop thinking about it!
Oriana continued charging blindly forward. There was only one destination she had in mind.
❦❦❦
WHAT? Holding hands?
Vincent gaped as he watched Oriana flee the scene with Derek Turkey at her side.
They were holding hands?
He stood there frozen, unable to digest the scene in front of him.
“Vincent, what’s wrong?” Sharon glanced up at him innocently. She’d sprained her ankle a few moments ago and was leaning on him so as not to put weight on her injury.
Looping arms like this was merely a part of etiquette, as far as Vincent was concerned. While there was no hierarchy here at the school, the obligations they’d been saddled with at birth didn’t simply disappear. Aristocrats were expected to show due courtesy to others, which meant properly escorting a lady when necessary.
It didn’t matter whether the two had attachments in the past—actually, no, it was precisely because they did that he needed to be more tolerant. Regardless, it was good manners to lend a girl a hand when she was injured.
“Nothing…” Vincent gave a short reply, unable to say anything else. His brain was still failing to absorb what he’d witnessed. The shock was so great, he didn’t even realize his feet were rooted in place.
Oriana and Turkey… They were holding hands just now, weren’t they? But why? She never even held my hand. So why?
Oriana had climbed on his back, latched onto his waist, and tried to loop their arms, but she’d never tried to hold his hand. Not even once. It was almost as if she were telling him not to get angry, since she was maintaining some boundaries.
Since they didn’t wear gloves at the Academy, holding hands meant their bare skin would touch. Obviously, such a thing was extremely intimate. Oriana had to be aware of that. Even as a commoner, she was still the daughter of a rich merchant.
It’s only been a few days since the two of us split. Is she willing to hold hands with just anyone?
As his mind spun in circles, his thoughts for some reason drifted to the other day when their class was in the process of wandmaking. Oriana had been cheerfully chatting away with those at her table, and Vincent had wandered over hoping to somehow strike up conversation with her.
His heart jumped when he heard her mention tanzanite. That was the Amethyst Dragon Duke’s guardian stone. The stone she’d prepared was the same exact shade as his eyes, which Vincent interpreted as a positive sign. The issue was that when he did get close enough to her to talk, he wasn’t sure what he should say. To make matters worse, her other classmates were recommending she find a new boyfriend.
Now he wondered… Is Derek that new boyfriend?
The joy he felt when he thought he’d found an excuse to approach her now turned to despair as reality hit him like a punch to the gut. Maybe Oriana had already forgotten all about him and was starting to take an interest in other men.
The pain in his chest was like a severe burn that wouldn’t go away. For reasons beyond his own comprehension, he was totally depressed. No one was more confused than he about why this was hitting him so hard.
❦❦❦
VINCENT couldn’t remember what he said to Miguel and Sharon as he parted ways with them. He was in a daze as his legs unconsciously guided him to the tiny lounge he frequented in the eastern building.
The moment he entered, he plunked himself down on the seat and hung his head.
She says Zalena is the only one she can rely on, then tells Miguel she loves him, and now she’s holding hands with Turkey. All she ever felt toward me was concern I might die.
Vincent expelled a deep sigh. He leaned back, sinking into the sofa’s cushions. When he lifted his head, he spotted two perfectly circular eyes staring at him.
Silence hung in the air between them.
“S-Sorry. It seemed like you were going to the study hall, so I never dreamed you would come here.”
Those eyes were Oriana’s. She was sitting in the armchair by the fireplace. She’d been so quiet that Vincent hadn’t realized the room was already occupied when he’d entered.
So she finally came inside.
Ironic. Vincent had spent so long wondering when she would pass through that door. Yet, it was only once she’d no further need of him that she finally did.
“If you’re using the room, I will excuse myself. You should rest here as long as you like,” he said.
Oriana swallowed hard before pasting a smile on her face, one that looked entirely unnatural. In fact, when he scrutinized more closely, he noticed her eyes were red.
She must have been crying here…all by herself.
Vincent wanted to help. He genuinely wanted to comfort her. The issue was that he didn’t think he was the one she wanted to talk to right now.
He pulled himself off the sofa and made it a few steps toward the door. His hand came to rest on the knob, but he hesitated.
Vincent knew he was the one who had been obstinate and started the argument between them. In the aftermath, he also hadn’t found a way to talk to her, and he’d started avoiding her, since he couldn’t stand seeing her have fun without him. Even when he finally found the perfect reason to strike up conversation, he got pissed off hearing what their classmates were saying and stormed off. The blame for their situation was entirely on him.
No matter what he did now, Oriana probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with it.
I realize that. I do, but…
He mustered all of the courage he possessed and spun around.
“Is there anything I can do?”
Most likely not. I already know that.
Still, he couldn’t help asking.
I can tell by the atmosphere in the room that she wants me gone. That’s fine. If she says as much, I’ll excuse myself.
Oriana stared at him, face empty of all emotion, as if she was at a total loss herself. Her brows were furrowed and the corners of her eyes were red.
From the bottom of his heart, Vincent truly wanted to do something for her. He wanted to help her.
It’s fine even if she turns me down cold. All I lose is a little dignity.
If there was something he could do for the girl in front of him trying desperately to hide her tears, Vincent would do so without complaint.
Oriana blinked at him several times, like she was having trouble processing that he had actually spoken to her.
After a pause, she asked, “Will you do me a favor?”
“Yeah.”
“Then…then in that case, don’t go.” Her voice strained, sounding more like a plea than a request.
Vincent’s heart trembled. If that was all she wanted, he was more than happy to oblige. He dropped his hand from the doorknob.
“All right. Where should I sit?”
“I guess…over there.” Oriana pointed to the armchair across from her. A table sat in the middle, separating them.
Vincent did as she requested and quietly sat down.
Oriana fidgeted awkwardly, as if she couldn’t quite believe he’d honored her wishes. Although she’d been standing since she noticed him on the sofa earlier, she finally sank back in her seat after an uncomfortable glance around the room.
Silence hung over them, but strangely enough, it was a pleasant one. This was the most relaxed Vincent had felt these past few days.
Moments ago, Vincent had been an ill-tempered mess, but now he felt miraculously whole.
He and Oriana were the only people here.
A thought suddenly struck him. Perhaps the reason he had pretended to sleep and waited each time hoping she would enter the lounge was because he wanted to show her he meant her no harm.
No, that’s silly. There’s no way that could be true. Oriana was the one causing all the harm. She would always cling to me and say suggestive things. That was why I came here—to be alone.
Vincent glanced at Oriana. She had her hands planted on either armrest as she stared down at her knees. The expression on her face was like a lost child, at a loss for what to do next.
The silence doesn’t bother me. But if it keeps up, she’ll probably feel awkward. I want to say something to her, but I can’t think of anything clever. I don’t even know if it’s all right to ask her why she was crying.
Suddenly, he was embarrassed. Vincent finally realized how difficult it was to show kindness to someone whose feelings he didn’t want to hurt.
There’s a mountain of questions I want to ask, like what she spoke to Miguel about, if she’s really that close to Turkey, and if anything has been bothering her lately.
However, none of these seemed appropriate to bring up right now.
After going through the options in his head and dismissing one after another, Vincent finally licked his dry lips and nervously said, “In the herb field…”
“Hngh?” Oriana squeaked in surprise. Her whole body jumped, causing her armchair to shake.
In that instant, Vincent almost lost the heart to keep speaking, but he gathered the remnants of his courage and said, “Do you recall when we excavated the fields in herbology and found something?”
“Oh, yes. You were the one who found it.”
She actually knew it was me?
Vincent wouldn’t have thought much of it if she’d told him that before their fight. But now, he felt happy and proud.
“It wasn’t part of a dragon,” he said.
“Oh, so it wasn’t.”
“I was told it may be part of a unicorn’s horn. The creature must have wandered here right as it was growing a new one.”
Magical beasts, who rarely showed themselves to humans, loved the Dragon’s Tree. They would occasionally approach it while being careful enough to go unnoticed. Once in a while, people would find hair or droppings near the tree.
“Oh wow, I wish I could have seen it,” Oriana said.
“Not me.”
Unicorns were holy beasts, both highly intelligent and very moody. They almost never warmed up to men. They only allowed virgin girls to approach. If a man tried to touch them, they’d stab him with their horn.
“I can’t let myself die yet.”
Not until I make it past next spring so Oriana can have peace of mind, Vincent thought.
Oriana must have sensed something from his voice because she stared at him for a moment before peering down at her own hands. Her cheeks flushed.
The conversation ended abruptly. Vincent had intended for it to be a light topic, but now he regretted making such a careless remark. As he was racking his brain for other subjects, he heard a small hiccup.
He casually glanced over at Oriana, only to find tears pouring out of her sky blue eyes. They trickled past her cheeks, dripping from her chin. She had both hands clenched so tight the tips of her fingers were white. Her lips were pulled into a thin line as she tried to hold in a sob.
Vincent immediately leaped out of his chair but sat back down almost as quickly.
He had screwed up royally. It was time to surrender. He knew it was his own blunder that’d made her cry. Still, he couldn’t think of what to say. What was a person supposed to say in this kind of situation anyway? “Don’t worry because I’m not going to die”? Oriana was the last person who’d buy that. Even if everyone else in the world believed him, she wouldn’t.
I actually believe her story about jumping back in time, he realized.
Vincent never intended to doubt it. Or more accurately, he had tried to believe it. The health exam was the first favor she had ever asked of him. Granted, if someone asked him if he really believed her from the bottom of his heart, he might not be able to nod his head.
“Why…” Oriana muttered through her tears.
Startled out of his reverie, Vincent stared at her.
“Why are you willing to believe me? Why are you always this kind?”
For the first time in his life, Vincent felt his entire body go cold. He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, desperately trying to tamp down the raging emotions simmering inside of him.
Always? She says I’m “always” kind?
It had taken all his courage to sit across from her. He had battled with his own fears of her hating him in order to finally show some kindness. This was the one and only time he’d ever (and maybe would ever) worry about someone else to such a degree. Vincent had never been nice to Oriana before this, and yet…
“This ‘kind person’ you’re referring to isn’t me. You’re talking about Vince, aren’t you?”
Vincent had refrained from bringing that up, since he didn’t want to pin the blame on her when she’d worked so hard by herself this entire time.
“The one you think is so kind is your lover from your past life.”
The one you really “adore” is not me. I’m simply a stand-in for Vince.
Vincent continued, “The Vince you keep yearning for doesn’t exist.”
“Stop.”
“He never existed in this world to begin with!”
“I said stop!” Oriana shrieked, voice shrill with grief. She hugged her knees to her chest and huddled into a ball. She looked like she was in so much pain.
Vincent gritted his teeth. He was the one who’d backed her into this corner, and yet he wanted to pull her close, stroke her head, and wrap her in a blanket of all the kindness he could muster. Alas, he could not. There was only one person she desired such things from and that was Vince.
I already knew that, but it still hurts to be reminded.
After holding it in for so long, he finally opened the floodgates and told her. Instead of feeling like a weight was lifted off his chest, he was instead crushed by regret.
I shouldn’t have said anything.
Vincent never dreamed it would be this miserable. Part of it was how wretched he felt for hurting her, but another part was how wounded he felt at not being the person she really loved.
I never thought I would fall for her like this.
Why did he have to realize his feelings for her now? It was heartrending. The one Oriana loved was Vince. He must have been a truly compassionate person. She must have been so disappointed when they met at the school entrance ceremony and he was cold toward her. Oriana had only stuck around Vincent because she had memories of Vince’s kindness to encourage her.
He’s the one she really loves, not me. I’ve been nothing but cold to her.
When he stopped to compare himself to Vince, all he could see were the awful parts of himself. Oriana must have had nothing but good memories with Vince. Vincent could take his whole life and never live up to that phantom.
I don’t want to copy his behavior. The person standing in front Oriana right now is me, not Vince.
Vincent felt guilty for having hurt her, but his love for her made him want to comfort her. His jealousy toward Vince was mixed in as well. He could not even begin to guess how Vince might have called her name and reached out to her. Even assuming he could guess, Vincent had no intention of mimicking the other him. No matter how much she might long for Vince’s kindness, Vincent was never going to give it to her.
After hugging her knees for a while, Oriana slowly fixed her posture.
“Is that why you said what you said before? Because you think I’m seeing Vince in you?” she asked.
After a pause, he answered, “Yeah.”
Each time I say that word, I remember.
Oriana had said before that she liked the way he said “Yeah.” At the time, his whole body seemed to tingle, overwhelmed with joy. It was a habit of his to say “Yeah” constantly during conversations. Perhaps Vince had done the same. Nonetheless, that was probably the first time Oriana ever looked at him—at Vincent.
“I’ll admit, there were times when I unconsciously thought you and Vince were different people. There’s just…so much that separates you two.”
“Judging by the way you’re talking right now, I’m sure that’s true.”
There was a pouting tone to her voice, which flustered him.
“But…” Oriana continued, “I have feelings for you, too.”
“Yeah, wonderful. Thank you so much. I am absolutely thrilled.” Vincent turned his face away. He tried to sound as sarcastic as possible, masking his true feelings.
No man on this planet would be happy to hear that the girl he likes has feelings for him AND someone else too.
Vincent kept all of his cursing in his head, but he couldn’t stop the emotions from showing on his face. He lifted an arm to try to hide himself from view.
Dammit.
All she had to do was mention liking him, and all of the frustrations he’d been building up inside vanished. It gave him hope, made him think maybe it was worth putting effort into this relationship. Perhaps there was a possibility that, in the future, she might come to love Vincent as his own person rather than a reflection of Vince.
“Vincent,” Oriana said.
“What?”
“I’m sure it couldn’t have been pleasant, feeling like you were a replacement for someone else. I’ll be more careful in the future. So…” Her voice almost seemed to beckon, prompting him to turn his gaze her way. Her cheeks and lips were flushed a tempting shade of red. “Can we…make up?”
Oriana’s trembling voice hit him right in the chest, and her big doe eyes were starting to well with tears again.
Now I finally understand why Vince worked up the courage to make her his girlfriend.
Considering they were still the same person at their core, Vince couldn’t have messed with Oriana on a whim. It was much easier for a girl’s reputation to be sullied than a boy’s, and there was no fixing it afterward. Vince must’ve been thinking of the long-term as well when he started dating Oriana.
Truthfully, he’d had a hard time believing he and Vince were the same person up until now because of that. Vincent had so much riding on his shoulders: his lands, the people living there, his parent’s expectations, and his bloodline. He couldn’t understand how Vince had compromised on all of those in order to date Oriana.
But Oriana must be my missing piece. She can fill the void inside me.
That was why Vince had made his decision.
People always want something from me, but she’s the one and only thing I want for myself.
Vincent wanted so badly to wrap her in his arms, but he’d no right to do so. Wrinkles formed between his brows as he hung his head.
“I should’ve been the one to say that,” said Vincent. “I apologize that you had to do it instead.”
“Does that mean you’re sorry?”
“I…suppose you could interpret it that way.”
Hopeful, she asked, “So…we can go back to how things were then?”
“No, I don’t want to go back to that.”
Oriana’s face contorted in surprise.
“As I told you before, I don’t want you protecting me. I also don’t want you involved in my possible death. And after thinking about it, I still don’t want you to talk about having feelings for me.”
Oriana pursed her lips, frowning now that she knew his demands were unchanged. “Then why did you even apologize?”
Saying sorry implied reflecting on one’s bad behavior, which meant taking back what one had said. At least, that seemed to be how Oriana had interpreted it, based on the way she stared back at him questioningly.
However, Vincent refused to bend on this. He quickly turned his head away and said, “I thought I should apologize because I didn’t clarify when you misunderstood me.”
“What misunderstanding?”
“I never told you not to come near me.”
His reply back then had been a small show of defiance. One that sadly spiraled out of control and landed them in this mess. That was why Vincent was being honest with her now, though he wasn’t exactly used to being so straightforward. He could feel his face heating up. It was hot enough to melt ice.
As the minutes trickled by, Oriana remained silent. Vincent finally turned his head, having grown suspicious.
Oriana was sitting stock-still, staring at him. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were welling with tears. She had such a sweet, soft smile on her face, as if all of the tension had left her body.
“Thank you, Vincent!”
Vincent sucked in a breath and immediately averted his eyes. There was no way he could look straight at her. He swallowed hard.
Dammit. I really, REALLY want to kiss her.
At some point, he’d started holding his breath, and when he realized it, he let out a discreet exhale. He took a few shallow gulps of air before turning his gaze back to Oriana. The moment his eyes landed on her, his racing heart stilled. Oriana was slumped over the armrest of her chair, leaning on it for support.
“What’s wrong?” Vincent asked.
“Not sure. Maybe it’s because I feel so relieved, but…my body’s so heavy.” There was a tremor in her voice.
Vincent jumped out of his chair and hurried over to her. “I’m going to check your temperature.”
She nodded, and he gently rested his hand against her forehead.
“You’re burning up. You have a fever, don’t you?”
“Oh, I didn’t realize,” she murmured. “I did think something had been kind of off since this morning.”
Her forehead was scalding and slick with sweat. Not only that, but her breaths were coming out in shallow, feverish gasps. Her hair was glued to the base of her neck, thanks to the sweat beading on her skin. The fever must have been the reason why her eyes were so misty and her cheeks and lips so red.
Vincent chased off his teenage, worldly desires as he asked Oriana, “Can you stand? Let’s go to the school infirmary.”
“I don’t think…I can right now. Let me rest for a bit, then I’ll go.” Her scratchy voice continued, “You can head back to your room.”
That pissed Vincent off. Did she really think he would leave someone in her current state behind and just head back to his dorm?
No, I can’t blame her. This is partly my fault for how I’ve treated her.
That said, there was no way he’d ever leave her behind like this.
Vincent knelt down beside her, peeling off his robe to drape over her skirt. “I’ll do my best not to touch you directly.”
“Huh?”
After wrapping his robe around her legs, Vincent slipped an arm under the bend of her legs and wrapped the other around her back, lifting her from the armchair.
“Huh…?!”
Oriana stared at him wide-eyed. Her face was pressed against his chest and her cheeks rapidly began to heat.
“Wh-Wh-what are you—”
“If you lounge about here, the infirmary will close for the day.”
“B-B-B-But still!”
Oriana thrust her hands against his chest. Vincent was thrown off balance, having not anticipated that she would struggle. Oriana took that opportunity to plant her feet on the ground, but her knees soon crumpled beneath her. If Vincent hadn’t panicked and reached out to grab her, she probably would’ve smacked her face on either the sofa or the coffee table.
“That was close,” Vincent muttered. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Wh-What else did you expect?!”
“I expected you to stay still. You can’t walk by yourself, can you?”
What nonsense was she spewing right now when she was always the one latching onto him? Exasperated, Vincent hauled her into his arms once more, draping the robe back over her legs. Oriana pressed her hands over her sweat-covered face.
“This can’t be happening. I can’t do this. I mean it. Oh, I have an idea! Miguel—get Miguel!” Oriana pleaded, her whole body trembling.
“What?” Vincent growled.
Oriana curled herself into a ball in his arms, as if completely ignoring the annoyance in his voice. “Put me down here. I’ll wait. I promise, if you get Miguel to come here, I’ll let him carry me to the infirmary.”
Vincent’s lips thinned.
“Please, I really can’t do this. I mean it…!”
He silently started walking. Oriana must have realized they were moving because she started crying.
“I said I can’t! I mean it! I can’t do this!”
“Well, I can,” he huffed.
What idiot would let another guy take care of the woman he has feelings for?
Vincent remained disgruntled as he stomped forward. He managed to keep his balance as he forced the door open and trudged out into the hallway.
“Waah! Waah! I don’t wanna do this! I can’t!” Oriana kept her face buried in his chest as she spoke.
A vein popped on Vincent’s forehead. “It’s hard to hold you like this. Put your arms around my neck.”
“I can’t…I can’t…” Her continued protests made him freeze in place.
Vincent lifted a leg up, propping her against his knee, so he didn’t drop her as he grabbed one of her wrists. Her skin was scalding hot, but her arm was limp enough that he’d no trouble peeling her hand away from her face.
Vincent took one peek at her expression and gulped.
Oriana peered up at him, face too red for the fever to be the only cause. Her eyes were misty and her brows were furrowed. Those delectable lips beckoned him.
“I-I told you…I can’t do this.” The tears welled up again, spilling down her cheeks. “I-I haven’t fixed my makeup, and my foundation definitely looks awful. I’m sure the dark circles under my eyes are showing. A-And my hair desperately needs combing…”
“You always look adorable.”
“This can’t be happening! I always wanted to hear those words from you, but not like this! I know you’re just saying that to placate me. Waah, I hate this!”
“Don’t say that, please,” Vincent croaked out, still puzzled over how to console her. She looked so cute right now that all the irritation he felt before disappeared. “I understand. I will try my best not to look at your face, so wrap your arms around my neck. Okay?”
“Ugggh,” Oriana groaned as she obediently followed his instructions.
Vincent adjusted his grip on her, cradling her in his arms like one might a precious treasure, and slowly began walking again.
She buried her face in his neck, and her hot breath spilled over his skin. That, combined with the tickle of her hair, had his arms covered in goosebumps.
“Waah! Waah! Miguel…”
For the love of… He sighed internally. Please, I’m begging you. Stop calling another man’s name…
❦❦❦
AFTER tucking Oriana into one of the infirmary’s beds, Vincent plunked himself in a nearby seat and watched her. Professor Cyrus, the school doctor, had left to make preparations for Oriana to spend the night there. Vincent was to keep watch until he returned.
Oriana had fallen asleep in Vincent’s arms before they arrived at the infirmary. Professor Cyrus was surprised to see Vincent carrying the sleeping girl, but after checking her symptoms, he had a bed prepared for her. What she had was an ordinary cold. The doctor suggested it was the result of prolonged physical and mental exhaustion, which made Vincent’s chest ache. He knew how much stress the discord between them must have caused her.
Despite being fast asleep, Oriana’s breathing was erratic. Vincent diligently mopped the sweat dotting her brow with a damp cloth. When he was in the midst of wiping behind her ears, she suddenly seized his wrist. Vincent was so caught off guard, he almost yelped. His eyes wandered to her face. She was staring back at him, her cheeks rosy.
Oriana was still gasping for air, her brows knitted in painful concentration, and yet for some inexplicable reason, she was grinning like she was the happiest person in the world.
“Vince.”
His lungs stopped working and his whole body froze.
“Vince…”
Oriana tried to sit upright. Vincent sprang into action, pushing her shoulders back down and pinning her to the bed. Her hair spilled across the pillow. Their awkward positioning—with him looming over her from above—only made it seem more sensual.
“I finally get to see you again. I’ve missed you…all this time…”
Oriana continued clutching his wrist, dragging his hand up toward her lips, as though she was trying to absorb every bit of him that she could.
Vincent’s heart was a fractured mess. He didn’t want to believe that their earlier conversation and shared vulnerability had been for nothing. Yet as much as Vincent prayed and pleaded for it, there would probably never come a day when Oriana wouldn’t long for Vince. The reality of that was painfully clear.
Vincent let her do as she wished, unable to untangle the knot of emotions within him. He resigned himself and reached his hand toward her, shutting out his own emotions. Her hot breath crawled over his skin as her moist lips brushed over him, teeth scraping each time she talked. Vincent didn’t want to savor any part of this experience; he was too busy trying to swallow back all the pain and heartbreak.
“Vince, I’m sorry,” Oriana said suddenly. Her chest rose and fell in an erratic rhythm beneath the blanket. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.” Her voice strained with emotion, trembling. The words themselves spilled out between thirsty gulps of air. “I should have…gotten to you faster… Vince…oh, Vince…”
He couldn’t take it. Seeing her heartache made his chest pang as well.
I’m not Vince, he thought. And yet…
“Oriana.”
It was the first time he’d ever called her by her first name, but much to his surprise, it felt so natural on his tongue.
“There’s nothing to worry about. I’m right here.”
“Vince…”
“That’s right.” Vincent clasped her hand in his, using his other hand to stroke her hair. He spoke to her as softly and sweetly as he could so as not to cause her any fear or anxiety. “It’s okay. Shh… Close your eyes and go to sleep.”
“Vince… Vince…”
“Yeah,” he said, pausing once before repeating it again. “Yeah…”
He squeezed her hand.
This is what I should’ve told her before.
His own cowardice made him nauseous.
“It’s not your fault I died,” Vincent finally managed to say. He kept his touch as gentle as he could, stroking her hair and cheek. “You have no obligations to me. Even if you did jump back through time with your memories intact, you’ve no duty to do anything for anyone. You need only worry about your own happiness. That’s all I want for you, Oriana.”
I’m the only one who can tell her this.
The tears continued streaming down Oriana’s face as she slowly lifted her lips into a smile, closing her eyes. Vincent waited to see if they might open again, but they didn’t. Her breathing was still erratic, but she must’ve fallen back asleep.
Vincent finally let out a breath. A long, heavy one.
He continued stroking her hair until Professor Cyrus returned, praying only that Oriana would have some peaceful sleep.
