Chapter 8: The Pervasive Sense of Helplessness

Chapter 8:
The Pervasive Sense of Helplessness

 

SARA ULTIMATELY never showed up, but then, they’d never made official dinner plans. Considering recent events, though, Flum couldn’t help but worry. The next day, she made her way to Sara’s home at the Central District church. She wasn’t exactly in a position to walk up to the front door and ask for her, so instead, she hung back in the shadows and watched the building for some time.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like anything strange is going on, but…”

There was something about the expression on the face of the knight guarding the entrance. Inside the building, the nuns bustled about anxiously. Was it her imagination, or did it look like they were worried about Sara?

Flum debated for a bit if she should just go up and ask them, but before she had a chance to decide on her plan of action, a nun in her thirties, dressed in the same white robes as Sara, happened to walk right in front of her.

“Um, excuse me, Sister… I was hoping to ask you something.”

The nun stopped and turned around, her peach-colored hair swaying gently as she moved. Flum beckoned the nun over, eliciting a suspicious look, but the woman slowly moved in close.

Flum decided to just ask her straight out. “Do you know a kid named Sara?”

The nun instantly lost her composure and clutched onto Flum’s shoulders. “You know her?”

Flum felt the vague shape of her anxiety begin to crystallize.

“Ah, I…I’m sorry. I’m just a bit frazzled, is all,” the nun apologized.

“Did something happen to Sara?”

“Before I answer that, could you please tell me the nature of your relationship?”

“My name’s Flum, and Sara and I…”

“Oh, Flum! Yes, she spoke of you a lot. The nice girl who always let her come over for these great feasts.”

Apparently, Sara had told them all about Flum and the others. It seemed very much like her to lead with the food.

“Apologies for not introducing myself further. My name is Elune. I was the one who looked after her, Ed, and Jonny ever since they were little. Ah, excuse me, Ed and Jonny are…”

“I’ve met them before.”

“Oh? Well, then that will speed things up. You see, the Pope himself made a sudden appearance earlier and…well, he informed us that Sara was to be excommunicated.”

“Excommunicated?! Why so sudden?”

“Demon worship, apparently. Once they were made aware of it, the church had her taken before the court for judgment.”

The ecclesiastical courts operated separately from the royal judiciary. Doctrine called for enforcement; enforcement sometimes called for imprisonment, torture, and execution. Where the law of the nation could not be reconciled with doctrine, the royal family stayed clear of church affairs. Certain regions of the kingdom were managed and overseen wholly by the papacy.

To be found guilty by an ecclesiastical court would leave you branded a criminal throughout the country.

“Obviously there’s no way that child was worshipping demons or doing anything of the sort,” Elune continued. “I mean, we lived with her; we should know.”

Flum bit down hard on her lip to keep her worry in check. Sara had been a valuable asset to the church, of that much she was certain. What could they possibly want to hide so badly that they would sacrifice her like this? Did it have something to do with Ink and the goings-on in the West District?

“Flum, do you happen to know where Sara went or what she’s doing? I don’t understand how it’s come to this!” Elune’s voice was unsteady and desperate. She was doing everything in her power to keep the tears from flooding out.

Flum had come here to ask the very same questions. “Actually, I asked Sara to look into the church’s orphanages…”

“The orphanages? Why?”

“I found a lost kid out in the West District. I’m taking care of her now, but I was trying to figure out where she’d come from.”

“So that’s why she left so early in the morning for the West District…”

“She recruited Ed and Jonny to help her out, apparently. However, I was told that the orphanage didn’t have any missing kids.”

“So Ed and Jonny were involved, too…”

“Did something happen to them?”

“As of this morning, they were suddenly transferred to a neighboring village. It’s practically unheard of to transfer knights assigned to the capital unless they committed some kind of offense, but I hadn’t heard anything about them being in trouble. When I went to ask them myself, I was told they already departed. It just seems so out of character for them to leave without saying goodbye!” Elune was clearly losing her grip on the fear welling up in her.

Flum ran her thumb and index finger nervously over the front of her blouse. A lot was happening all at once, all for the purposes of keeping something under wraps. She was certain of that much. But why excommunicate Sara and transfer Jonny and Ed? If they just wanted to get rid of them, they could’ve excommunicated them all.

“Do you know where any of them might be, Elune?”

“All I’ve been able to learn is that someone saw a blonde girl in a habit out in the slums, near the wall of the West District.”

“That’s…that’s where the bodies were found.”

Elune nodded. She must have known she wasn’t likely to get a response to her next question, but she had to ask it anyway. “Does that have anything to do with Sara’s excommunication?”

Flum had no proof, but the timing, circumstances, and past behavior of the church just fit all too well. “They both seem to be connected with some of the church’s less savory dealings, yes.”

Elune’s eyes went wide in shock and affirmation. You couldn’t spend that many years in the church and not be aware of their underhanded dealings, even if you wanted to.

“I…don’t want it to be true,” Flum said, “but I fear that Ed and Jonny may already be dead.”

“What?” Elune cried.

“I have no proof, but I think the story of them being transferred served to cover up their deaths.”

“I…I can’t believe that. But then, why would they choose to only excommunicate Sara?”

“She might still be alive and on the run. Excommunicating her covers them in case she ever surfaces.”

“But what could the Pope possibly be hiding that would necessitate all this?”

“That…” Flum paused. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t want to get you involved. You might just meet the same fate as Sara if I do.”

“I don’t care if I do! I may not be related to them by blood, but Sara, Ed, Jonny… They’re my children!”

“Assuming Sara is still on the run, the fact that she hasn’t shown herself yet means she doesn’t want you involved.”

“But…but even then…! Does she even know how much we love and care about her?” The anguish was clear in her voice.

Flum understood. All too well. If this was something Elune could have helped with, Sara would have come to ask for assistance. If she hadn’t shown up, it was because she believed there was nothing they could do. She’d chosen to stay out of sight and continue to flee.

The two women stood there, agonized by just how little they could do.

“Then what should I do?” Elune asked. “Would going out to punch the Pope bring my Sara home?”

“I don’t think it’s that easy, sadly.”

“You’re right. He’s far too strong for me to even…”

“No, not that. I mean that the whole church, well…”

“What about the church? Just go ahead and spit it out, I’m ready to hear it. We already know that the Pope and his inner circle are hiding something.”

It was entirely possible that the nuns familiar with the church’s inner workings were even more receptive to criticism of the church than those on the outside looking in. Flum decided to tell Elune what she knew.

“I think this incident is the result of someone losing control over…something, whatever that may be.”

“So you’re saying that the church is disappearing people to cover up something they were doing in secret? And they’ve somehow lost control?”

“They created children who possessed the power of Origin through human experimentation. That’s all I’ve been able to figure out, but I suspect the children are acting on their own now.”

“Origin’s…power? You mean that the Divine Creator gave them his power? But Sara was a rising star in the church; why would Origin target her like that? She, of all people, would have defended Origin’s teachings to the last!”

“I suspect power is far more important to these people than scripture.”

Elune looked deeply troubled at this revelation. The fact that she would even entertain the idea that Flum—a girl she barely knew, and even then only as an associate of Sara’s—was telling the truth spoke to the suspicions she’d already born about the church.

“I…I just can’t believe anything the church says anymore. A few hours ago, we were laughing, smiling, and now I might never see them again. This feels like a terrible nightmare.”

“We might still be able to save Sara,” Flum said.

“We have no idea where she is! Besides, even if we found her, the church would just put on a show trial and sentence her to death.”

“And if we don’t look for her, she’s just as likely to be attacked by those eyes and die anyway.”

“Eyes?”

“The victims back in the slums… They were all attacked by a flood of eyeballs that transformed their bodies into abominations. The best explanation I can come up with is that this was Origin’s power, and I suspect the same entity is chasing Sara.”

“What are you talking about? You mean disembodied eyeballs managed to attack people all on their own?”

“Actually…yes.”

“That’s hard to believe.”

“I understand, but this isn’t the first time I’ve fought one of the church’s aberrations. Sara was there, too, in fact.”

“That…ah, I see now. So then, when Sara…” Something about what Flum had said seemed to resonate with Elune. “That time when Sara went out of town for a few days, right? I knew there was something strange about the way she tried to write it off.”

“Sara didn’t want to get you involved, I’m sure.”

“I see… Even still, I like to think of us as family. But what is happening in the capital, and what does it mean that Origin granted these children his power? Why would God turn his back on his most devout followers?”

The more Elune learned the truth behind Origin, the weaker her faith grew. The church likely anticipated this exact response from their flock and chose to prioritize seizing more power—a decision that culminated in their attempt to eliminate Sara. Once that power was firmly within their grasp, they could dictate what was right and proper. It was inevitable many of the devout would turn on the church when the truth surfaced; better to wipe them out before they could organize or go to ground.

“Do you know why they targeted Sara, Ed, and Jonny?” Elune asked. “None of them were deeply involved in church matters. It’s strange you weren’t attacked as well, if seeing the creature was enough to do them in.”

“I don’t have an answer for that, but Sara must have taken the path through the slums because she discovered some of the church’s secrets.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Sara wouldn’t knowingly put innocents in danger. If something attacked her, she wouldn’t let it follow her through a busy neighborhood—not unless she thought her attacker wanted to keep something secret and wouldn’t follow her where people could see.”

“But they continued to pursue her, anyway… Which is why you said earlier that the church lost control of whatever that something is.”

“Bingo. These eyeballs they summoned up to keep their secrets under wraps ended up causing a bloodbath of their own. The church must be desperate for a way out. That’s where these claims of transfers and excommunications come in.”

“And if the church is that flustered, it could mean there’s still a chance to save Sara…”

“That’s right. Which means we need to start searching for her right away.”

“You’re right… It’s too early to give up now. I’ll call on those I can trust and do whatever I can to bring her home.”

“Don’t draw too much attention to yourself,” Flum warned. “We don’t know when they might come looking for you, too.”

“I don’t know. If I was targeted, maybe it would draw Sara out of hiding.”

Flum didn’t laugh at Elune’s attempt at a joke. “Thank you for everything, Elune.”

“No, thank you. If I learn anything about Sara’s whereabouts, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

“Please do. I’ll let you know if I find her.” Flum gave Elune her address, and the two parted ways. Looking up, the sun smiled brightly down on her against a deep blue sky. It felt like it was mocking her.

“I hope you’re okay, Sara.” She felt ill as she pictured the sweet, innocent girl turned to a bloated tangle of limbs.

She would find Sara and put a stop to the children controlling the tide of eyes. For now, she just had to keep moving.

 

***

 

On her way home from the Central District, Flum caught a man’s gaze as they walked past, and both parties froze instantly.

Dein’s lips turned up into his trademark malevolent grin. “Well, hello there. How’ve you been?”

There were about twenty other men walking behind him in procession, almost a military formation. All of them looked familiar, though their faces were expressionless as dolls. Flum felt goosebumps rise up all over her body as she walked on past, completely ignoring their presence.

“Aren’t you upset to have lost that ankle-biter?”

This stopped Flum in her tracks. She could feel the expressionless men turn and watch her. A chill ran up her spine.

“I figure the little ugly mummy-girl’ll be next…”

“Dein, you son of a…!” That was the last push Flum needed. She stepped forward and grabbed Dein’s collar, but he only responded with his usual sardonic smile.

“You sure you wanna do that? We’re devout servants of the church, ya know. Devoted to our beloved master, Origin. I don’t think God Almighty would look too fondly on you hurting me.”

“So that’s all it took to make you cave? Too scared of working alone now that your underlings abandoned you?”

Dein belted out a boisterous laugh. “You think I’m scared of a runt like you? Ha! The church ain’t all that bad. Besides, it’s nice knowing I got friends in high places looking out for me.”

He brushed her hands away and turned to continue on his way, swaying back and forth and cackling like a drunk.

“Y’know, my client…or should I say ‘boss’ now…told me to keep my hands off of you, Flum. So I guess I’ve little else to do with my day but drink the hours away. Not a bad price to pay for keeping my life, really. Low risk, high return, as they say!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Dein.”

“All in due time, Flum, all in due time. Anyway, we best be off.”

With a snap of his fingers, Dein’s procession followed after him in two perfect lines.

Suddenly Y’lla’s anger at what happened to Dein made sense; Dein’s posse was a thing of the past. He’d both figuratively and literally discarded everything and everyone to save his own life.

Flum took some comfort in the removal of a heavy burden from her shoulders. Maybe she could even live a little more freely…to the extent that a captive animal could live free within its cage.

She was happy to see his pride and reckless dreams come crashing down all around him. Dein Phineas, the charismatic thug who ran the West District, was no more. And yet—Dein would continue to make the same choices as before. He would sacrifice his pawns to serve his own ends. All that changed was the means to those ends.

For a second, Flum felt rage burn deep within her. She contemplated cutting him down from behind. Perhaps that would be the best choice, after all.

She averted her gaze. Looking off to the right, she caught sight of an eye staring directly at her.

Just a single eyeball, waiting at the entrance to an alley, staring at her.

Flum swallowed hard. “N-no way.”

This was, without a doubt, one of the eyes that created those deformed corpses she saw earlier.

She forgot all about Dein. Drawing her sword, Flum slowly closed in on the eye, her hand clutched so tightly around the hilt that the entire sword wobbled.

Her mind filled with images of the bodies she saw just the day before: bloated, limbs sticking out everywhere, bodily fluids dripping out of every orifice, eyeballs covering their flesh. The very thought that she could be next left her mouth bone dry.

I have to kill it…

At least there was only one right now. From what she could discern, there needed to be a lot more of them before they could enter her body. As far as she knew, it could be calling out to its friends right now in some language she could neither hear nor understand. Maybe it just had to separate and multiply.

Or maybe splattering it across the walls might in itself start a process that called forth the swarm. There were so many possibilities that Flum found herself unable to commit. Her breathing came out ragged through her nose, and her palms were slick with sweat.

Should she try to catch it? Cut it down? Run away? As Flum worried over her next step, the eyeball rolled off in the other direction, away from her, around a corner, and out of sight.

Flum gave chase, but by the time she rounded the corner, it was already gone.

“So maybe it wasn’t after me after all? What was that all about, then?”

It never made any attempt to chase her. The eyeball seemed to simply want her to know it was there. It did distract her in time to stop her from cutting down Dein. Could that have been its intent?

No answer was forthcoming, so Flum hurried home.

 

***

 

Milkit hurried over as soon as Flum opened the front door. She seemed even more cheerful today as she greeted Flum, like she could pick up on her master’s worries.

“What great timing, Master. I just finished making lunch, so why don’t you come sit down with us?”

Flum didn’t want to spoil the mood, so she kept what she learned to herself as she joined the other three at the table. She didn’t need to say it—whatever it was, they knew Flum’s news would be bad. Once lunch was finished and the plates were cleared away, Flum brought everyone up to speed.

Ink took the news worse than anyone else, blaming herself for getting Sara involved. The group did what they could to try and make her feel better, but it was to no avail. Ink eventually went back upstairs to her room and shut the door.

Eterna mentioned having work to get back to and left for her own room shortly after, leaving Flum and Milkit alone in the living room. Milkit opened her mouth several times as if to say something to try and cheer Flum up, but she couldn’t find the right words.

Flum watched her perplexity play out, offering her up a gentle smile. “Thanks.”

“Hm?” Milkit’s face more than made up for what she couldn’t express in words.

“You really helped a lot, Milkit.”

“B-b-but, I didn’t do anything, Master.”

“Nah, you did more than enough. Just being here next to me, worrying about me, that really helps. So…” Flum stood up, reached over, and took Milkit’s hand. “You don’t need to say anything special or feel bad about it. As long as you’re here, and I can see your beautiful smile, that’s enough to cheer me on.”

“I…I understand what you’re saying, Master…but I just wish that I could give back even a bit of the happiness you bring to me.”

“Aww, that’s lovely of you to say, Milkit. If that’s how you feel, I’m not going to stop you, but never forget that your Master is always looking forward to your delightful smile.”

Milkit let out a small, disappointed sigh as Flum drew her hand away. Flum paused and turned back around, stepping in close and wrapping her arms around Milkit’s waist, pulling her in close. She gently started to stroke her hair.

“Master…”

After Flum left the room again, Milkit sat back, clutching gently at the bandages that concealed her flushed cheeks as she mumbled all the words she couldn’t get out earlier.

 

***

 

Flum knocked on Eterna’s door, pausing for a moment as she waited for permission to enter before slowly turning the doorknob.

“Well, there you are.”

“How’d you know?”

“You looked like there was something you wanted to ask me all through lunch. You’re really easy to read, Flum.”

Flum unconsciously stroked her cheeks, wondering just what kind of face she had made.

“Anyway, go ahead and sit down.”

She dragged a chair over from the corner to sit near Eterna. Eterna set down her pen and turned her own chair to face Flum. A floating, fish-shaped object moved in unison with her. Her desk was littered with dried leaves and a menagerie of small carved statues, lending a mysterious air to the room.

“What were you working on?”

“Just some medicine. It doesn’t have any effect on illnesses or injuries, but it does boost your spirits.”

“Sounds…strange.” If it didn’t have anything to do with illnesses or injuries, then Flum figured the church would have little interest in it…though there were probably others who would object.

“I’m just making tea, Flum.”

“Oh…oooh. I see. I know you drink a lot, but that seems like quite a bit, even for you.”

“I’m going to sell it. I can’t keep freeloading like this.”

Flum smacked her fist into her hand as it all came together. She was about to mention how out of character that was for Eterna to be so considerate but thought better of it. “And what’s that carving of?”

“This?” Eterna handed it to Flum. Inspecting it closely for a few seconds, something about its features struck her.

“Hey, this…this kinda looks like me.”

“Milkit made it.”

“So it is me! I knew she was skilled with her hands, but wow…”

“Apparently she made all kinds of things with stone and wood back when she was a slave. Just one of her many talents.”

“And why do you have it?”

“She said she’d be embarrassed if you found it, but she couldn’t bear to throw it away. I don’t need it, so it’s all yours.”

Flum didn’t know what to do with a carving of herself, either. The strange journey the statue had taken through the house seemed self-defeating. Finally, deciding to pass up on Eterna’s offer, she set it back down on the older woman’s desk. Eterna pouted at this, apparently also displeased with being stuck with the carving. It was just taking up space.

“Milkit’s been trying out a lot of different stuff when you’re away, wanting to find a way to be of help,” she said.

“Like the carving here?”

“Yup. That girl loves you so much it’s kinda maddening.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it love, actually…but I guess she does like me quite a bit.”

“Bragging about your love life, I see.”

Flum unconsciously sat up in her chair, voice rising. “Am not!!”

Eterna smiled warmly at this, happy to see Flum shedding some of her glum mood.

“Anyway, back to the subject at hand…” Flum sat back in her chair, let out a deep breath, and clenched her jaw. “I was hoping you could teach me some magic.”

The limits of her own power had been bothering her of late. When Dein and his gang cornered her, there was nothing she could do to fight back. If she ever had to face off against a flood of those eyeballs, her only choice would be to run until she dropped from exhaustion. She was beginning to worry that even if she did find Sara, she might not be of any help.

Her Reversal ability meant no amount of ordinary practice or growth would help her stats, but that didn’t mean she was without options. Other abilities, like the Cavalier Arts and spellcasting, weren’t strictly bound to her stats. She could at least brush up on those. Whenever she had a free moment, she’d been practicing to increase her prana, along with her ability to focus on the latent magical energy within her own body.

However, she still couldn’t successfully turn that into “magic.”

“Well, I have water affinity, so I don’t have a whole lot of spells that I could teach to someone with a rare affinity like yourself. Also, I’m not really a good teacher to begin with…but I feel like I’ve told you all this before.”

“Even just the basics will do.”

“Hmm…but you can use prana, can’t you? Honestly, I think that’s a whole lot harder to learn. I’m not really sure why you can’t use magic, then.”

“I can gather up the magical energy inside myself, but I just don’t know how to put it into any sort of form outside of my body.”

“Hmm…try to direct some of your magic into the palm of your hand for me.”

“Sure.”

Flum narrowed her gaze and focused on summoning forth all of the magical energy she had. She focused deep inside herself and tried to bring it together in the palm of her hand, as instructed.

Just like Eterna had said, this was the easy part—much simpler than even generating prana.

“Hmm, there’s nothing wrong with the amount, quality, or condition… However…” Eterna closely inspected the ball of light in Flum’s hand and gently prodded it with her fingers. “I see… So that’s what’s going on…”

“What is it?”

Eterna quickly stood up from her chair and pointed back at it. “Keep focusing on the magic and touch the chair.”

“Huh?” Flum reached out and touched the seat of the chair as instructed.

“I don’t know how Reversal works, but you need to have a clear vision in your mind and use it on something.”

“So…I should imagine using the magic on your chair?”

“Exactly.”

Flum tried to imagine it exactly like she’d been told. Reversal—vertical and horizontal, internal and external. She had a hard time really focusing in on it, since this was her first time, but she figured that the internal and external varieties would have the biggest impact here. It seemed like it would take a lot of energy to destroy a chair, so she decided to start with something simpler.

On her first attempt, all she was able to do was jiggle one of its slats. Finally, the answer—and the name of the spell—popped into her mind.

“Reversion!!”

The chair slowly spun around before stopping with the seat facing down. Flum was at a loss for words at seeing exactly what she imagined take place before her eyes.

“…It worked.” It was a lackluster spell, to be fair, but it was still the first time she’d ever cast magic. “So magic’s really that easy?”

“How do you feel? Do you feel like you’ve used up a large amount of your reserves, like there’s an empty spot inside you?”

“Not at all!”

“Sounds like you’re fine, then. As long as you can summon up the energy, your affinity should work just fine with magic, though I suspect the nature of how you try to reverse something will have a great impact on how much energy you use.”

This was in line with what Flum had been thinking. If she tried to reverse the interior and exterior of the chair, she was pretty sure it would’ve taken a lot more out of her. Besides, Eterna probably wouldn’t be too happy to see her chair destroyed.

“But why was I able to use it now?”

“That part’s pretty simple.” Eterna took Flum’s hand and began to massage her palm. “What you can use your magic on is incredibly limited in range, to the extent that you need to be in contact with it if you want to use any magic at all. That means that you won’t be able to use it for ranged attacks, like with other affinities.”

Come to think of it, Flum had always tried using magic against distant targets when practicing. Since she was already able to use a sword in combat, she’d wanted to supplement that with ranged magical attacks.

“I was hoping to find some way of fighting that didn’t involve getting hurt so much…” She was, at her core, still a child. Though the healing factor Souleater let her endure more pain than anyone, she preferred to avoid it.

“Well, that can’t be helped. The rest all comes down to how you use the magic. For example, if there was something connected to the object you intended to use your magic on, you should be able to do it just fine, at the expense of using more magical energy.”

“Like using magic on the floorboards, for example?”

“Flipping the whole floorboard? Sure.”

That would open options up to her for attacking enemies at range. If she used her magic on a long board, she could easily flip it around as soon as her opponent set foot on it. Whether that would actually be useful in battle was another story entirely.

“What about solid earth?”

“Depends on your abilities and imagination. Even assuming limitless magic reserves, you’re still not at a point where you could do it unless you limit the scope by focusing on a specific area and depth.”

Flum decided to give it a shot. She gazed hard at the floor beneath her but absolutely nothing happened. Obviously, she’d need to keep practicing. Even if she were still just restricted to that which she could touch for the moment, that kind of magic still greatly increased her options.

“Listen Flum, just because you can use magic doesn’t mean you should try doing everything on your own, okay? I’ve said it countless times, but I’m more than willing to help out.”

“I know. I just need to be able to protect Milkit on my own.” The opponents she would be up against now defied logic.

“You’re always going just a step too far, you know. You were like that back on the journey, too.”

“I have to make up for what I can’t do with effort and perseverance.”

“Sacrificing yourself on the field of battle as a fighting style is fine on your own, but try to keep it to a minimum when you have allies around, okay? Milkit would be pretty broken up if you get yourself hurt.”

“I know that…or…I try to keep it in mind, at least.”

All Flum wanted, from the very bottom of her heart, was for Milkit to always have a reason to smile. Getting herself hurt to protect that smile brought Milkit sadness. And yet, if she ever needed to sacrifice herself to protect Milkit…

Her mind went around and around over this conundrum, though it didn’t change the reality that she had to fight. As long as she stayed alive, she’d have a chance to help ease that sadness once more.