SCP-529: Josie the Half-Cat

SCP-529:
Josie the Half-Cat

 

SEVERAL DAYS had passed since that whole affair with the Eye Pods. I was in Dr. Bright’s lab (slash otaku room), slowly grinding on an RPG since that researcher claimed, “This is necessary for an extremely important test.” In reality, I knew good and well there was less than a 1% chance this was actually related to some sort of test or experiment… The trouble was Dr. Bright actually possessed quite a bit of authority and I was under orders to follow their directions as best I could.

Besides, it wasn’t like I had anything that demanded my immediate attention. Since I was no longer allowed to relax by playing with the Eye Pods, I was feeling pretty down in the dumps. By endlessly repeating the same monotonous task, I was attempting to bury my sense of loss and loneliness.

If I sat doing nothing, my mind would only hurtle toward depressing thoughts. But that having been said, I wasn’t up to anything mentally challenging in my current state. As such, I had to admit, this was currently the perfect way for me to kill time. As I methodically continued an endless level grind—one that somehow seemed reminiscent of meditation, something that could accidentally lead to enlightenment—the door suddenly swung open.

“Hello! ███, would you like to join me for lunch?” Iris asked, peeking her head into the room. There was an adorable lunchbox dangling from one hand.

I had been holed up in Dr. Bright’s lab since bright and early that morning. That made it sound like we were conducting highbrow experiments, but I was just playing video games. Apparently, time had slipped away from me. I couldn’t believe it was already time for lunch.

I glanced over at the clock in the room to check the time before turning back toward Iris and nodding. Asking for her to give me a second, I hastily saved the game, found a reasonable enough home for the controller, and rushed over to her.

Iris seemed in high spirits, wearing a bright grin. “Sorry for suddenly dropping by. Were you in the middle of an important task?”

I told her it was by no means important.

“Really? Glad to hear it! When I asked some of the other personnel, they said I could find you here, ███. So what were you up to?” she asked.

I told her I was saving the world.

“…What do you mean?” Despite asking that with a puzzled tilt of her head, she snatched my hand, unable to wait a moment longer—truly happy and hyper today—and began tugging me along.

“There is something I’d like to show you. Please come with me,” she said, thrusting her thumb to point the way in a gesture not typically done by Japanese.

 

***

 

We walked for a good while, Iris pulling me by the hand all the while. Along the way, we got on the elevator to the ground floor. It was surprisingly easy to forget, but the area where we generally went about our business was part of a primarily underground research facility. We didn’t have much business with the surface (not that there was much there to begin with). And since we were still considered an SCP object and its accessory, an alarm would have on-site security rushing to secure us if we stayed out too long. As such, the amount of time we could spend outside was fairly limited…

“This way! Over here!” Iris said, walking with such a spry step she practically bounced. She led me toward a certain area.

It was located in a courtyard, probably in the center of the ground-floor building. I only said “probably” because the research site’s blueprints and floor plans weren’t made public in order to maintain confidentiality. It didn’t help that the place was freaking huge, preventing me from forming any sense of direction.

Iris simply referred to this as the “courtyard.” It was essentially a glass-encased greenhouse, where a variety of flowers bloomed with no regard for the season. There was everything from unwieldly tropical plants to some bored personnel’s efforts to grow the semblance of a vegetable garden.

It was a rare plot of abundant greenery in the otherwise drab gray and metallic research site. But the stifling humidity characteristic of greenhouses made it a less-than-ideal location to kick back and relax. There were a bunch of bugs flying around, and mud was getting all over me after hardly walking a few feet… Raised in a city pretty close to Tokyo, I lacked that drive to “return to nature.”

“I’ll never get over how great the air is here,” Iris exclaimed.

Unlike me, it was apparently in her nature to love the great outdoors. She happily took in a great, deep breath. She seemed to enjoy looking at the flowers and pantomimed taking pictures. Not only was Iris prohibited from carrying around her beloved Polaroid camera, she wasn’t even allowed to have a normal camera or photos, so she couldn’t actually take any pictures. I felt a bit bad for her, but there was nothing I could do about it. Iris waved me over once she had taken enough photos of stuff with the imaginary camera made from both her hands’ pointer finger and thumb.

“I made sandwiches,” she said, sitting on a bench in the courtyard and placing the lunchbox that she brought on her lap. For some reason, she was looking about the area with restless excitement.

…Was she searching for something?

“Yes, Josie the Half-Cat has been spotted here lately. Really, that kitty should be underground, but it must have slipped out sometime,” she said.

I could swear I had heard that name before. After thinking for a minute, it hit me. During the string of events concerning the Eye Pods, Dr. Selkie mentioned that name.

“Ahh, the Eye Pods. The rule is there for a reason, but you really have been down ever since you were prohibited from playing with them,” Iris observed.

She popped open the lunchbox, grabbed one of the sandwiches, and took a big bite out of it. Then she handed one of the plastic-wrapped sandwiches to me. Gratefully accepting it, I sat down next to Iris to join her for lunch.

“So I decided to introduce you to a new cute friend. There are reasons why you can’t interact with the Eye Pods, but there’s no reason why you can’t befriend something else.”

Iris… She could tell I was down and went out of her way to cheer me up. I was honestly happy. Grateful. It gave me the warm fuzzies. Iris’s kindness alone was enough to unravel the knot of loneliness that was growing in my heart. Overwhelmed with happiness, I chomped into my sandwich. She went heavy on the mustard (a good portion of the people here went surprisingly heavy on condiments and spices), but it was still good.

“I’ve been a bit lonesome of late myself. I haven’t been informed of the details, but Bill—Builder Bear—has gone missing,” she confessed.

Oh, that moving teddy bear… I knew Iris was pretty infatuated with that thing… So it was missing, huh? What could have happened to it?

“I don’t know. The site director—the whole Foundation, for that matter—doesn’t seem to know. It’s currently under investigation. But things don’t look good… I’ve heard a task force from another facility has been mobilized to handle the situation.”

A task force… Like the soldiers I maneuvered with back in the Carnival of Horrors, or to be more precise, inside a photo of SCP-823. Those soldiers boasted they could neutralize a small town! I felt throwing such strong forces at a moving stuffed animal was overkill.

“Agreed. I suppose they are being extra careful since it’s always possible the situation will develop in the most unlikely of ways when SCP objects are involved.” Iris sighed heavily, probably beside herself with worry for Builder Bear.

Nevertheless, Iris was an overall cheerful, optimistic girl. Rather than fret over the various possibilities, she focused on the fun things in life as she put on a smile, once again looking around us.

“That having been said, in order to avoid losing my mind for want of something cute to cuddle while I wait for the issue concerning Builder Bear to resolve…I’d like to get closer with Josie the Half-Cat.”

I could see where Iris was coming from… But what type of creature was this “Josie the Half-Cat?” Dr. Selkie put it on the same level as Builder Bear and the Eye Pods, so I assumed it was an SCP object.

“That’s right. It’s SCP-529, Josie the Half-Cat. It’s an overall extremely harmless cat that is absolutely adorable with gray tabby markings. But as the name implies, it is only half a cat,” Iris said with a grin.

I didn’t quite follow. I outright suspected the translation collar around my neck had failed to properly translate what she said. Uh, what did she mean by “only half a cat…?”

“It’s hard to explain. It’ll be quicker if you see for yourself. Josie the Half-Cat loves cheese, so let’s use that as bait,” Iris suggested.

She pulled the slice of cheese from her partially eaten sandwich and flapped it between pinched fingers as she called out, “Hey, Josie! Cute little Josie the Half-Cat!”

 

***

 

Mere seconds after Iris’s voice echoed throughout the greenhouse, a sound came from beside the bench we were sitting on. A bush with a bunch of red berries rustled as a cat popped its tiny head out.

This was probably the aforementioned Josie the Half-Cat. With a clever countenance, this was quite a handsome little fella (I didn’t learn until later that Josie was female, so “handsome little fella” probably wasn’t the most accurate description). Its gray coat was regal and dignified, boasting pattern-like swirls. There was an intelligent gleam in its eyes. From the look of it, this was just a typical cat. It was hard to believe this was a mysterious SCP object.

“Oops. I should eat this now that we’ve managed to lure the little dear out,” Iris said.

Practicing less than great table manners, Iris tossed the piece of cheese pinched between her fingers into the air and caught it with her mouth like a frog. That took skill… But I was under the impression she was going to give the cheese to Josie, so I was a bit surprised she ate it at all.

“There are hardly any rules or regulations concerning Josie the Half-Cat… But there is one restriction: Staff are not permitted to feed cheese to her,” Iris said.

Why not? Seeing as we used cheese to lure her out, I bet she loved the stuff. Don’t tell me she’d turn violent if she ate it and go on a killing rampage!

“No, nothing of the sort,” Iris said, her face a bit taut as if disturbed by the idea.

She explained, “It’s just, if she’s unsatisfied with the scanty amount of cheese you give her, it makes her terribly distressed. She gets so sad, it’s really very…pathetic. So it was made against the rules. Not that it stops me from sneaking her some every now and then.” Upon making her confession, Iris stuck out her tongue naughtily. Jeez, everything about her was so cute!

While I was busy relaxing with Iris, Josie the Half-Cat stealthily walked up to us without me even noticing. I guess it was true that cats walk silently. As I was musing over that, I looked back down at Josie now that she stepped all of the way out of the bush…and was shocked speechless! Wow, she really was only half a cat… That was the only thought I could come up with.

It looked like Josie the Half-Cat was sliced in two. Everything from the tip of her tail to her mid-abdomen—the end of her ribcage to be precise—was missing. Nevertheless, she was walking just like usual. Weird, to say the least. So weird, I blinked several times, unable to believe my own eyes.

“As you can see,” Iris said with a giggle, finding my surprise humorous, “Josie the Half-Cat lives up to her name; she’s a cat missing half her body. It’s not as though it’s outside the visible spectrum for humans. The hindquarters simply do not exist.”

That made no sense. Oh, but that must have been precisely what made her an SCP object. If I thought about it logically, simply surviving without half a body would be hard in its own right. From the looks of it, Josie was missing nearly all of her major internal organs! But, completely unperturbed by this, she seemed perfectly healthy.

“Oh, whoa!”

I had no idea what was going through Josie’s mind as she crouched down only to suddenly lunge up at Iris. Then she climbed up Iris’s chest and began licking the young lady on the lips!

“Ah! Hey! Wh-What’s gotten into you, Josie? You’re such an attention hog!” Iris cried happily, cuddling the cat.

I bet Josie was just licking off some remnants of the cheese that disappeared into Iris’s mouth a second ago… But the way it looked like they were kissing made me feel uncomfortable, like I was watching something inappropriate. I averted my eyes.

“Tee-hee! Isn’t she something else? This is our mysterious Josie the Half-Cat!” Iris boasted, beaming happily, evidently under the impression the bizarre cat was fond of her personally. Well, I suppose there wasn’t any need to point out the truth if she was happy.

But even looking at the thing up close, this was one weird cat. It really didn’t have any hindquarters. Yet it was able to walk and jump normally without falling off balance.

Curious what it looked like at the cross section—the part where its torso was severed—I took a peek…only to discover that part of the body was blacked out. I was afraid I’d see the cat’s innards, so this was actually a bit of a relief.

“If you’re curious, why don’t you touch her?” Iris suggested. She held Josie securely in her arms, pointing the black cross section toward me.

Wait! Was it okay to stick my hand in there? From the looks of it, the blackened part seemed less like a flat surface and more like a hole. If I stuck my hand in, I was afraid it’d pull me in somewhere.

Iris looked at me with such anticipation that in spite of my fears, I hesitantly put my hand against the black part of Josie the Half-Cat.

At first, I couldn’t feel anything. My fingers were absorbed by the black hole in Josie, eventually meeting gentle resistance. It was a strange sensation unlike anything I had ever experienced before. It was like I was touching a hole, something which normally only existed as an abstract concept.

“Please be gentle,” Iris said.

She was still holding Josie, which made me feel like I was actually touching her instead. I suddenly started to feel horribly nervous. But Josie seemed to take pleasure in me petting her (it was less like petting and more like being absorbed) in there, and began to purr contentedly.

I started to ease up a bit, a sense of peace washing over me. Albeit a bit unusual, Josie was still a beautiful and charming cat. I felt extremely fortunate to be able to pet her to my heart’s content.

“Ah!”

But apparently I went a bit overboard petting her, for Josie hissed angrily. A second later, she snatched up one of the sandwiches from the lunchbox and took off like a flash of lightning.

“Poop… She got away. I wanted to touch her hole, too!” Iris pouted in disappointment. But then she burst into a dazzling smile, happy she at least got to hold Josie.

“Hee hee! There are plenty of dangerous things or creatures you can’t interact with for various reasons…but there are also cute, harmless anomalies like Josie. I hope you get a chance to reach out and interact with the different entities around here without holding any prejudice toward them as SCP objects.” It was like she was teaching a moral lesson or doing a PSA. While talking, she evenly split the remaining sandwiches with me. There was one extra, so we broke it in half and shared. After stuffing our respective halves into our mouths, we broke into broad grins.

“It’s nice to split things in half sometimes,” Iris said. Her smug expression just screamed pride over saying something cool. How adorable!