Chapter 4: A High Five In The Dungeons

*1*

Lately I’ve been thinking about those distant days 300 years ago, when the Empire of Pajan was devastated by war. Those were the days in which I lived as a Sorceress... no, as a weapon.

My father was the Court Grand Mage; my mother was a shrine maiden from the Temple of the Dragon God. Born with an immense capacity for mana, I had a very sheltered upbringing to the point that I never needed to walk on my own two feet. Day and night, I was trained in magic and nothing else.

I would act as a weapon that could wield powerful spells with a mere snap of my fingers—that was my father’s vision for me. And when I set foot on the battlefield, I destroyed many things. Buildings. Armies.

The people of Pajan hailed me as the Great Sorceress. Hostile nations cursed me as the Wicked Dragonwhore. But I paid them no mind. The more I destroyed—the more lives I took—the happier it made him.

I was his puppet. Why? Because I didn’t know any other way to live.

But now, 300 years later, I see things a little differently.

If only I’d said no... if only I’d stood up for myself... maybe I could have changed my fate. Maybe the women of this country wouldn’t have been tricked into walking around debasing themselves for no reason.

But perhaps it’s not too late to try again. Perhaps it’s time I did something for myself... and get revenge like Tanya did.

*2*

The sun was setting, and the Little Vixen had just opened for business. Tanya and Nadine sat at their usual table, slumped over in defeat.

“What’s wrong? Still can’t find her?” Katherine asked as she served them each a cold glass of milk. Lately she’d really come into her own as part-time manager.

“I’m afraid not... and the only worthwhile lead we have is that someone has been stealing those orichalcum coins from every magic supply store in town,” Nadine explained.

“And you’re saying that ‘someone’ is Laplace?”

“We can’t say for sure, but... well... they’re known as Laplace’s Orichalcum Coins, after all... and she did seem awfully interested in them.”

The two of them had gone to each affected store to ask for details, but every last one of them described the theft thusly: “One minute it was there, and the next it was just gone.” Most of them kept their coins in a vault imbued with protective charms... and yet the thief broke through without a struggle. This was a considerable feat that few could hope to accomplish, hence they were convinced it was almost certainly Laplace’s doing. But if so... why steal them?

After a long period of silence, Tanya sighed heavily. “What’s gotten into her...?”

“Eh, I’m sure she’ll be back before you know it.”

“I don’t know... You’d think she would’ve given me a heads-up first...”

Three days had passed since Laplace’s shocking disappearance, and Tanya was growing more anxious than ever. Recently she’d sensed that something was bothering Laplace—it had been written all over her face. But she’d never imagined Laplace would vanish without a word.

“Yeah, but... I mean, you guys first met completely by chance, right? And it’s not like she signed a contract to work for you, right?” Katherine asked, averting her gaze awkwardly.

At this, Tanya slumped further onto the table.

“Katherine!” Nadine scolded.

She’s right, though, Tanya thought to herself. Maybe she’s gone forever...

Just then, a bell jingled loudly as the door to the Little Vixen swung open. Hopeful, Tanya looked over—and found a middle-aged man standing there. I keep getting my hopes up. She glanced away again.

“Busy, busy, busy! Good heavens, am I ever busy!” the man declared to no one in particular. He was chubby, but well-dressed, and his voice carried across the restaurant.

While the Little Vixen was popular with commoners, aristocrats with discerning palates were known to stop in for incognito visits. Clearly this man was one of them. Seriously, he’s not even trying to disguise it at all.

“Welcome!”

Katherine walked over to him, carrying a menu. The man scrutinized her for a moment.

“Hmph,” he snorted. “Are you new here? Where’s the owner?”

“Grandma took the day off. She’s not as young as she used to be, y’know. So I’m running the store today.”

“Oho, so this is her granddaughter? Now that’s a surprise. You’re quite the looker!”

“...Can I take your order?” Katherine asked, ignoring his inappropriate comments and handing him the menu. Meanwhile, she imagined herself roasting him alive with her custom Fox-Fireballs. Not that anyone would want to eat him.

“I’ll have the usual.”

“...The what?”

“The usual! Tell the chef that Baron Rudolf von Bachel is here and I’m sure they’ll know what to do.”

Smirking, he stroked his beard as he ogled Katherine’s legs. Normally this was the part where Tanya would step in to take him down a peg—but then he started boasting.

“Good grief, women these days... Storms right into our great Ode Castle and starts shouting ‘I’m Laplace the Great Sorceress! Bonjour!’ Of all the utter nonsense, I tell you... But our Court Grand Mage, Lord Maxwell, he’s been in a sour mood ever since someone felled the Wyvern of the Western Wasteland... Of course, as an executive director of the esteemed Imperial Magic Association, I’ve been investigating to the best of my ability, but it certainly hasn’t been easy...”

Aaaand there it is. How did I know this guy would try to flaunt his authority?

More importantly, however, this middle-aged baron—Rudolf—had just name-dropped Laplace, and Tanya was eager to hear more. She and Katherine exchanged a look.

Then Katherine turned back to Rudolf. “Wow, that’s crazy! Laplace, as in, that Laplace?” she prompted him casually.

“Hm? Oh, well, it was most likely a load of hogwash, that. Apparently she was recognized as a competitor in the Adventurers’ Sparring Tournament. I tell you, whenever I meet a woman who wants to work as an adventurer, I just know she’s got problems up here.” He pointed at his temple with his index finger.

Tanya leapt to her feet in a rage. “Is that where you want me to stick my sword, asshole?!”

“I beg your pardon?! Who the hell are you?!”

“Oh, uhhh, whoops! Just ignore me!” Covering her mouth, she quickly sat back down.

“So anyways,” Katherine continued quickly, “what happened to the fake Laplace lady? Did you let her go?”

“Hmm? I should think not! No, we locked her in the dungeon. Apparently Lord Maxwell wants to interrogate her personally.”

“Interesting...”

Meanwhile, Tanya was now more certain than ever. This “fake Laplace” was indeed their Laplace. But why didn’t she tell us she was going to do this?

“What a nightmare, I must say! Thanks to that fake Laplace, I’ve been working overtime for days! But a man’s got to make his living somehow, I suppose. How I wish I could just track down the culprit who slayed the Wyvern... My subordinates are all useless, I tell you! If only I was there at the scene, I would’ve used my authority to apprehend them on the spot!”

This gave Tanya an idea... and the next thing she knew, she was moving on autopilot.

“It was me.”

“...What?” Rudolf blinked.

“Um, Tanya?!” Nadine hissed, but Tanya ignored her.

Laplace was currently being held in the Ode Castle dungeon... and this man was her ticket inside. Grinning, she grabbed Rudolf by the collar.

“Are you listening? I said I’m the one who slew the Wyvern.”

“Wh... WHAT? You did what?! Who are you?!”

While she was at it, as payback for the inappropriate behavior he’d shown toward Katherine, she slammed the hardest part of her boot directly into his shin.

“Gyaaahh!” he yelped.

“You heard me,” Tanya continued slowly, letting every word sink in. “I killed the Wyvern of the Western Wasteland. And you know what else? I broke the seal and set Laplace the Great Sorceress free.”

At this, the color drained from his face. “What?! But no one’s supposed to know the Wicked Dragonwhore was sealed there... I order you to identify yourself!”

“My name is Tanya Artemiciov,” she replied quietly, “and I’m the one who set Laplace free. Now arrest me.”

As she spoke, the golden ring sparkled on her finger.

*3*

Midnight in the Ode Castle dungeon...

The gloomy stone walls were damp and dimly lit. Tanya was imprisoned in the back, in a large cell with no windows or beds—just a row of iron bars separating her from freedom. Fortunately, no one else was in the cell with her.

In the distance, she could hear the growl of an animal, low and gravely... or was it a sob? Was someone being tortured? Either way, it was certainly not pleasant to listen to.

“Alrighty...” Tanya put a hand to the cold floor and pushed herself to her feet.

In order to smuggle herself into the prison where Laplace was being held, she had essentially turned herself in. She’d been hoping she might acquire a new lead during the interrogation or something, but no dice.

She glanced around surreptitiously. The prison guard was conspicuously absent. She was alone.

“Man, security around here is pretty lax...”

Clearing her throat, she began to focus.

Mana circuits, engage!

Sure enough, her mana began to flow. As a Magi-Knight, her mana circuits were inherently more streamlined than the average adventurer’s, which made casting magic that much easier.

Earth Magic, engage!

Normally, casting would require her to recite an incantation, draw a magic circle, or use a staff for mana support... but right now that function was served by the golden ring on her finger, which held all the power of her Not-Excalibur. Thanks in part to Tanya’s impeccable mana control; being a Magi-Knight made everything easier.

Her go-to strategy was to use Wind Magic to heighten her speed, since it came in handy in a variety of situations—but when she needed a power boost, Earth Magic was the answer. She put both hands on the bars of her cell.

“Grah!”

And with a playful little crnnkk sound, the iron bars parted like curtains. Tanya smirked. Being a Magi-Knight certainly had its perks.

“Now then... Time to go find Laplace.”

*4*

Keeping her eyes peeled for the first sign of guards, Tanya walked through the dungeon until she arrived at the solitary confinement block.

“Yikes...”

She could hardly believe what she was seeing. It was too painful to look at, and yet she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

“Waaahhh! I’m really sorry, okay?! Please, I’m begging you, just go!!!”

“Non, non! I’m the Great Sorceress, remember? If they find out you let me escape, you’ll be in deep trouble.”

“Nnngghh... Well, I can’t get any sleep if you keep singing at the top of your lungs all night long! It’s been three days! I need to sleep or I’m gonna die!”

The prison guard was nearly in tears, and yet a certain someone’s voice was as chipper as ever. Oh, the ignominy!

“Hah hah hah! Mon dieu, this feels great!”

...Yeah, that’s her, alright. Not exactly rocket science.

“Laplace!” Tanya shouted, unable to stop herself.

The guard flinched as he lay sobbing on the floor. “Gaahh! Wh-Who is it this time?! Where’d you come from?! Someone... Help me...!”

“...Tanya?”

Their eyes met... and the very next moment, Laplace snapped her fingers.

“Mm... mmggppphh?!” the guard grunted, his voice muffled. Tanya recognized it as the same spell Laplace had used on her arch-nemesis Ryan during the Sparring Tournament—a spell that sealed away a person’s ability to speak.

“Are you okay, Lapl—what the?!” As she dashed down the hall to the cell, Tanya came to an abrupt stop. “Seriously?!”

A plush double bed. A stylish lamp in the shape of a bugle. A classy clawfoot sofa. A porcelain tea set. It was plainly obvious that none of these things were meant to be here. Her “prison cell” looked more like a hotel room, for crying out loud.

“The heck is going on in here?!”

“Hmmm? Are you referring to my exceptionally good taste?”

“...You’re really something, you know that?”

No wonder the poor prison guard’s crying, Tanya thought, shooting him a sympathetic look as he continued to grunt on the floor. But this sympathy was short-lived.

“Excusez-moi, Tanya, but I think I deserve a little credit for letting him off so easily. You know what he said to me the day I arrived?”

“What?”

“Get a load of this! ‘Been a while since we’ve had such a pretty inmate. I’ll treat you real good, geheheh.’ Can you believe that?”

“...What?”

I regret ever feeling sorry for you.

Judging from his choice of words, he regularly forced himself on female prisoners when the opportunity arose. Maybe all the prison guards did.

Ah, I see now. So this man is scum incarnate.

“Screw you... If you actually cared about treating them right, you’d leave them the hell alone!”

Tanya shook with rage. What if some other woman had been imprisoned instead? Or what if Laplace had been unable to use her mana for whatever reason? He would’ve...

The mere thought made all the hair on her body stand on end.

“Treat you good,” my ass! You only care about your own pleasure! Fuck off and die!

And in that flood of emotion—

“Hnn!”

—Tanya threw a kick straight to his groin.

“Gyaahh!” the creepy guard shouted before promptly passing out.

“Good grief, what a monster. I’m not just ‘pretty,’ I’m STUNNING! Get it right!”

“Wh... That’s what you’re angry about?!”

It felt like ages since the last time they’d joked around like this. Here they were in a prison cell, and Laplace was still smiling her usual ditzy smile... Now, at last, it was time for Tanya to pour her heart out.

“Laplace, how could you go and disappear on us like that?!” she demanded, her tone angry and accusatory.

At this point, she didn’t care if anyone overheard them. The dam had burst.

“Why?! Why didn’t you say anything to me?! This ring... it meant so much to me! And the barbecue was so much fun! So how could you just... just vanish without a word to anyone?!”

Silence fell over the cold stone dungeon as they gazed at each other through the bars. Then, after a breath:

“Can’t you trust us...? Can’t you at least trust me?”

“I’m sorry,” Laplace whispered, a pained smile on her face. “You’re right. It’s just... well... This is my payback, you see.”

“Payback for what?”

“Tanya... Can I tell you a little story?”

“You can tell me anything.”

“Thanks. Well, come on in. I’ll unlock the door for you.” She gestured for Tanya to step inside.

“Wh... You can unlock the door?!” Tanya asked before she could stop herself.

“Hah hah hah! But of course! Everything’s a piece of cake when you’re a Great Sorceress!” She snapped her fingers, and the cell door swung open just like that.

...Upon further inspection, Tanya realized that the door had been modified so that it locked from the inside.

“I should have known...”

Meanwhile, the creepy prison guard lay unconscious on the floor.

I hope your fucking dick falls off.

*5*

And so Laplace poured her a piping hot cup of tea from her fancy teapot. (How it was still warm, Tanya had no idea.)

“Now then, seeing as we have all the time in the world... where should I begin?”

Laplace took a sip of her tea and let out a long sigh. She fell silent for a moment, hesitation flickering in her eyes.

“You see, Tanya... this ‘payback’ of mine is to avenge the things that happened to me 300 years ago,” she said after a moment. “First, let’s start with my father... Maxwell the Court Grand Mage.”

*6*

Her father: the Court Grand Mage. Her mother: a shrine maiden at the Temple of the Dragon God said to be his direct descendant. She’d lived a sheltered life, with a wealthy family and a noble bloodline.

At least, that was young Laplace’s perception of her home life, anyway.

“All I need is for you to do exactly as I say.”

This was a sentiment her father, Maxwell, repeated frequently over the years. He was an ambitious man who tended toward self-aggrandizing behavior.

As the Court Grand Mage, Maxwell was desperate to discover the secret of immortality. But Pajan was at war, and there was no time to devote to personal research... so instead he focused his efforts on developing a super-soldier.

A living, breathing tool of genocide. The ultimate pawn that would never die or betray. 300 years ago, such a thing was thought to be unattainable, and yet both sides raced to be the first to develop one.

Meanwhile, Maxwell used every connection and trick at his disposal to arrange for a shrine maiden descended from the Dragon God to be his wife—and Laplace was the product of that marriage. With the blood of the Dragon God in her veins and an innately high mana capacity, she was the perfect “specimen.”

Laplace never once met her birth mother.

Once she was born, her mother was taken back to the Temple, as agreed upon in the contract. Maxwell had no further use for her, after all.

At the very top of the tallest spire in Ode Castle, there was a tiny room where Laplace was kept. As a child, all she ever saw were those four walls and the small fragment of sky visible through her window.

At a very early age, before she had even learned to walk, she was given a number of books, all of them focused on magical studies. This was how she learned to read and write—and the more she copied down the text in the book, the more she came to understand it. All of her time was spent studying.

Then, one day, a servant took pity on her and gave her a picture book. Inside was the story of a fair princess kidnapped by an evil wizard... This single fairytale became Laplace’s only friend.

The wizard had locked the princess away in a tall, tall tower—until one day when a brave and kindhearted prince came to rescue her. In the story, the wizard was ultimately vanquished by the prince.

Laplace never once noticed the similarities between herself and the princess.

“Be a good girl and do as your father tells you. I’m only doing this because I care about you.”

There was one other activity Maxwell permitted Laplace to take part in: human experimentation. Every night, he made her his guinea pig.

“It hurts... I’m scared... I can’t breathe...!”

Those were the only things young Laplace could feel.

As a descendant of the Dragon God, her latent mana capacity was enormous, which was ideal for her father’s purposes. He embedded magical formulas and spells into every drop of blood that flowed through her veins, then made his daughter memorize them. He even made her read the forbidden tomes, though it was said the mere act of reading them would drive anyone mad.

The days turned into weeks... months... years. Her father was her one blood relative, and his word was law. She was not permitted even the thought of opposing him—her life simply didn’t have room for that.

“He’s only doing it because he cares about me... because I’m important,” Laplace told herself. She believed that this was normal—that she was just “sheltered.” After all, she had everything she could ever want: food, clothes, an education.

Then, at last, Laplace was “complete.”

With dozens of magical formulas embedded right into her blood, she could wield magic to a degree that was practically unheard of. Her Dragon God heritage had given her near-immortal longevity by default, but Maxwell had taken it upon himself to strengthen it further.

And so the Great Sorceress was born.

*7*

Tanya had no words to express the pain she felt hearing this story.

As they sat there in the quiet cell, Laplace spoke slowly, like the drip of rainwater from the roof.

“Cheer up, Tanya.”

“In the stories I was told... you were gifted, but dangerous,” Tanya replied in a faint, wavering voice. “You were the Wicked Dragonwhore who tried to destroy our country, and that’s why Maxwell the Court Grand Mage had to seal you away. I’ve checked all the history books, and none of them go any further than that.”

“Interesting. So that’s the story everybody knows, hm? Hilarious—No. I need to stop doing that.”

Laplace bit her lip. She was always so quick to play things off like they were no big deal—but she’d vowed to herself that was going to change. After all, this was the whole reason she’d come here.

“If I’m being honest... it really pisses me off,” she spat.

And so Laplace resumed her story.

*8*

Ten years later, during the height of the Intercontinental War, Laplace was unleashed upon the front lines for the first time. With her vast knowledge of sorcery, sky-high capacity for mana, and body optimized for large-scale combat, she was more than ready.

On the battlefield, the Great Sorceress of Pajan would throw around inhumanly powerful spells left and right. In her free time, she crafted new offensive magical formulas for her fellow Mages in the army. And with her wisdom, the nation’s Magi-Crafters were able to create countless new magical tools and weapons.

And so Laplace led the imperial army to victory against their enemies... but naturally, Maxwell took all the credit for himself. At the time, she was little more than his loyal lapdog. She had no agency of her own; she wasn’t allowed any. She was merely his creation, produced with his genes and perfected through his research.

He was obsessed with her. Likewise, her feelings for him exceeded the love of a daughter. She was dependent upon him... and afraid of him.

But as for Maxwell...

“Why must immortality continue to elude me so?!”

Narcissistic to a disgusting degree, all he cared about was his own ambition. The key to making his daughter immortal lay in her blood, inherited from the Dragon God. And, due to his achievements, his reputation as the Court Grand Mage was at an all-time high.

But though he yearned for the power of immortality, he never managed to attain it. This drove him mad with jealousy... and that jealousy, in turn, drove him to commit a reprehensible crime.

This was the lost truth left out of—or more accurately, erased from—all the history books.

Maxwell decided to perform a ritual that would siphon life energy from the citizens... all to sate his own greed.

He minted coins out of orichalcum, an alloy that could conduct mana. Then he cleverly imbued them with a spell formula that would absorb the vitality of any living being... and distributed them throughout Pajan. By absorbing their life force, he would gain a sort of “immortality”—or so he planned.

But right as his plan was one step away from fruition, it was dashed when one of his subordinate Court Mages reported him to the authorities.

*9*

“You mean...?”

“Oui, oui. You guessed correctly.”

The Great Sorceress looked at Tanya, her pale pink hair glowing in the darkness. Her expression... was one of abject misery.

At this, Laplace shut her eyes tightly.

Oh, Tanya. This injustice is three centuries old, and yet you’ll mourn it with me all the same, won’t you?

This evoked in her a most peculiar sensation—not unlike butterflies in her stomach.

It was time to finish the story.

“You can probably guess what happened next. My father... Maxwell... He blamed the entire orichalcum coin incident on the ‘Wicked Dragonwhore.’ Me. His own flesh and blood.”

Tanya sucked in a breath.

“They tried several times to execute me, but fortunately—or unfortunately, as the case may be—I was already immortal. So while it hurt quite a bit, ultimately, I just couldn’t die,” Laplace explained casually, like she was commenting on the weather.

Tanya could only imagine what it must have felt like to survive an execution. Not only that, but to be sealed in a mountain in the Western Wasteland, where no one would ever find her... all at the hands of her own father...

In the end, the orichalcum coins were lost, only to be “rediscovered” many years later and put on display as antiques. And so the history books were forever altered... with Laplace, not Maxwell, recorded as the villain.

“...But...”

“Hmm?”

“But... you’re so powerful, Laplace! Surely you could’ve put Maxwell in his place if you’d tried!”

“That’s just the thing, Tanya. I didn’t try,” Laplace replied quietly.

Tanya’s soft gasp echoed off the stone cell walls.

This was the woman who could control the weather if she pleased. She could levitate. Hell, she was immortal. But when Maxwell sold her out, it wasn’t anger she felt—it was despair. It was heartbreak. It was regret. She’d asked herself, why? What did I ever do wrong?

She’d tried so hard to be the perfect daughter. She’d endured so much. Destroyed so much. Killed so many. Surely her father would never abandon her... and yet he did... which meant...

“I told myself that... I deserved it for being a bad daughter.”

Tanya’s breath hitched.

“I told myself... if I wasn’t such a failure, then maybe my father would have listened to me. Maybe then he wouldn’t have sealed me away. But by then it was too late, so I just... shrugged my shoulders and gave up. But then you showed up, Tanya. I watched you scream and vent your anger right there in the wasteland with me. And then I watched you carry out your revenge on that asshole Ryan...”

Laplace let out a hollow laugh. The smile on her face was one Tanya had never seen before—bitter, pained, like she was holding back tears.

“And I thought: if only I’d stood up for myself like that, things would’ve been different, you know?”

“...Yeah...”

For 300 years, Laplace had asked herself again and again: Where did I go wrong? How did I screw it all up?

Eventually she decided that if she was ever unsealed, she wanted to experience a life of freedom—perhaps as an adventurer or something. Maybe then she could make some friends... For her, it was an ambitious dream.

“But I never imagined it would actually come true one day,” Laplace muttered to herself.

Just then, something warm brushed against her. It was Tanya’s hand—the one bearing the gleaming golden ring. She took Laplace’s hand in hers.

“Listen, Laplace...”

“...Yeah?”

“I, um... I think it’s my turn to help you get revenge,” she declared after a moment.

The way Tanya looked straight into her eyes... Somehow, it made her feel seen.

“I appreciate that, but... while Maxwell may not be as powerful as yours truly, he’s still a capable spellcaster in his own right,” Laplace warned her. “Not only that, but he’s the Court Grand Mage. If we rise up against him, we might just turn the whole country against us... Are you prepared to risk that?”

But Tanya Artemiciov wasn’t the type of woman to back down. And Laplace knew that better than anyone.

Sure enough, Tanya smirked. “Laplace?”

“...Yeah?”

Her smile was contagious, and soon Laplace was smiling, too. There they were, sharing a moment in a prison cell Laplace could easily break them out of with a mere snap of her fingers.

At the same time they shouted:

“Let’s kick his ass!”

“Can we go kick his ass?!”

This was followed shortly by a clap as the pair exchanged a high-five.

*10*

And so they waltzed right out of the dungeon.

“Oh, yes, that reminds me, Tanya,” Laplace said suddenly as they were walking through the castle.

“What is it, Laplace?”

Laplace paused to pull a leather pouch out of her chest pocket. Its contents jingled with the motion.

“Wait... Is that...?”

“These are all the orichalcum coins I’ve collected.”

She opened the pouch to show Tanya. Sure enough, the coins inside looked identical to the one they’d seen at that magic supply store.

“This should be all the coins in the capital. I can’t in good conscience let the civilians hold onto them, after all.”

“So you stole them?!”

“Non, non! It’s okay! I replaced every coin I took with one of my custom-made accessories. A necklace here, a bracelet there...”

“Uhhh... Those sound... prohibitively expensive...”

Anything handmade by Laplace was, by default, ultra-high-quality. Thinking back, it was one of those very accessories that had saved them from a life of destitution once upon a time...

“Oui, en effet! Oh, but I haven’t made any other rings, just so you know. Yours is one of a kind.”

With a playful wink, Laplace pocketed the leather pouch.