Chapter 3: Living the High Life

*1*

The Little Vixen: one of Ode’s more popular pubs. Owned and operated by a middle-aged foxkin woman, the menu was a bit on the pricey side, but the comfort food (and the booze) was simply to die for. It was by no means a classy establishment, but nonetheless, rumors of its exceptional quality lured in wealthy patrons with discerning palates, often aristocrats in disguise.

Tanya swallowed hard as she skimmed the menu. Under normal circumstances, she would hesitate to order from somewhere this expensive.

“Tanya?” the ancient Sorceress inquired.

“Laplace... I’m not sure I...”

“Now listen here, Tanya. We’re adventurers. Surely we have the right to do this at least once in our lives, don’t you think?”

Laplace stared directly into her eyes. She had a fork in her left hand, a knife in her right, and a napkin tucked at her collar.

“Ugh... Okay! I’ll do it!”

“That’s the spirit!”

Tanya turned around in her seat.

“Excuse me!”

Then, once she managed to flag down the owner, she took a deep breath and shouted:

“We’ll take one of everything! Everything on the menu, please! And... and a bottle of your most expensive wine!”

“What?! Are you girls sure about that?!”

“Yes, quite sure. I’m very hungry, you see,” Laplace chimed in. “Plus, this money is burning a hole in our pockets.”

“Yeah! We’ve got money to spare! A lot of it!”

Indeed, it was a hefty sum that had emboldened them to go all out. It had all started just a few hours earlier...

*2*

At the Adventurers’ Guild Retailer, things were getting pretty heated over at the equipment counter. A vein bulged on the brawny shopkeeper’s bald forehead.

“Seein’ as you’ve already gone and modified my merchandise, I assume you’re planning to pay for it, right?”

Tanya and Laplace were in deep trouble. First they’d insulted his wares as useless (or “shitty,” in Tanya’s case). Then they’d performed magical alterations on them without permission. And now Laplace had no way of paying for it.

“I-If you would just accept these coins...”

“Fat chance, lady. I’ve never seen money like that in all my life.”

Gritting her teeth, Laplace clutched her satchel full of three-hundred-year-old currency.

“It’s alright, Laplace. I can pay for it.”

“Nngh... I’m sorry, Tanya...”

And so Tanya spent almost her entire life savings to cover both the equipment and the crater she (well, technically Laplace) had left in the wall.

“Laplace the sad little Sorceress...”

“C’mon, Laplace, cheer up.”

“How do you expect me to bounce back from that? I was trying to show off, and I failed spectacularly!”

“Maybe so, but hey, now we’ve got some pretty cool equipment!”

“Nnngh...”

As the two of them walked through town, Tanya glanced around nervously. Out loud she was trying to stay positive in the hopes that Laplace would feel better, but they were flat broke, and she didn’t have a clue where they’d be sleeping tonight.

“Say, um, Tanya?”

“What is it?”

“I can’t help but notice what little savings you had. Surely a Mage of your ability could’ve made more profit than that.”

“Excuse me?! First you make me pay for everything, and now you wanna talk shit about me?! You wanna go, old-timer?!”

“No, no! Sorry, I misspoke. So, I take it you’re the splurging type?”

“No!”

Tanya balked at this. She’d considered her savings to be pretty sizeable, you know, comparatively speaking... especially since her wages as an adventurer hadn’t been anything to write home about. A majority of the money her party had earned from the Adventurers’ Guild—both base pay and quest bonuses—went to the men.

As party leader, Ryan took home a solid 20% off the top. The remaining 80% was then distributed based on class.

At the bottom were the Healers, the majority female class, who took home approximately 7% on average. Next were the Archers, only slightly above Healers at 10%. Then there were the advanced classes, Knights and Mages, who received anywhere from 15-20% each... or at least they were supposed to, but...

“On average, I only got about 12%.”

“Wait, what? Why’s that?” Laplace asked.

“...Because he always paid women less.”

“What? Why, that’s positively fucked up, if you’ll excuse my French!”

“Yeah, it is. But I never really stopped to think about it—I was too busy trying to be perfect. That way no one would look down on me for being a woman, you know? But then he fired me, and I realized that all my hard work was for nothing.”

Tanya sighed. It sickened her to think she could’ve made more money if only she’d been born male. Her resentment towards Ryan bubbled to the surface once more—

Just then, her stomach let out a plaintive rumble, trumpeting her hunger for all the world to hear. Broke or not, her body still had needs.

“It seems you’re as hungry as I am...”

“Yeah...”

“I’m so sorry, Tanya... If only my money was still good... We could be living the high life right about now...”

“No more apologizing! We’ve been over this! It’s not your fault, Laplace!”

“Here. As an apology, you can have this.”

“Huh?”

“It’s a protective talisman. I make them for fun in my spare time! Don’t worry, it actually works. Plus, it’s got these cute little red jewels embedded in it, see?”

“Protective... talisman...?” Tanya stopped short. “And you... make these yourself?”

“Hmm? That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

A protective talisman. Made three hundred years ago. By Laplace the Great Sorceress. One by one, the pieces fell into place—

Holy crap, there’s hope for us yet!

“HELL YEAH!!! What’re we standing around here for?! Let’s get going!”

“Huh? Wh... What’s gotten into you, Tanya?”

“Gimme that talisman! Alright, here we go! Start running!”

And with that, she grabbed Laplace’s hand and took off like a bat out of hell.

“Whoa! W-Wait! Tanya! You’re going too fast!”

Laplace felt as light as a feather—as though Tanya were pulling a balloon by its string. Naturally, this was because the Sorceress was quietly levitating beneath her new robes.

It’s time to make the biggest sale of our lives!

*3*

“Good morning!”

“Hello there! Welcome, welcome.”

Tanya had dashed full-speed into the nearest magical pawn shop. Adventurers of the Mage or Shaman class would frequent stores like these to buy and sell equipment or magical artifacts.

“What’s this now? You look to be of the Knight class, are you not?” asked the elderly gentleman seated at the counter, his eyes on the oversized sheath Tanya carried on her back.

“Oh... uh... well...”

“Tanya here is a Magi-Knight—a fusion of the Mage and Knight classes. Surely she’s allowed in here, is she not?”

“A Magi-Knight? Very funny,” the man scoffed.

Laplace started to argue, but Tanya raised a hand to stop her. Then she held up the talisman. “I’m here to sell an item.”

“Oho... Something rare and interesting, I hope... Hm?”

“This is a protective talisman said to have been personally handmade by Laplace, the Great Sorceress of times long past.”

“WHAT?!” Instantly the old man leaned forward to inspect the talisman. “A Talisman of Laplace... renowned for their tremendous efficacy and imbued mana... and only four have been confirmed to still exist intact! You realize we’re talking about a national treasure, correct?!”

“Correct.”

“This was made by THE Laplace?!”

“Yup!”

“Wow... I didn’t realize my handmade goods were so valuable!”

“Your goods?”

SLAM!

“Just ignore her, sir!”

“Nnnn... Don’t abuse me, Tanya...”

“A-Are you alright, miss? You’re... smoldering...”

“Heh heh... Oh, this is no big deal...”

The owner looked from Tanya to Laplace, squinting suspiciously. Then his gaze returned to the talisman.

“This specimen is in pristine condition. If it’s real, why, its value would be equal to a year’s salary for an entire party!”

“Oh, it’s definitely real. Feel free to appraise it.”

“Hah! I’ll have you know, we’re the largest pawn shop in the neighborhood. If it’s real, I’ll buy it off you for... how about five million?”

“For this? That’s way too cheap! Two hundred million!”

“Wh—?! That’s extortionate!”

“Hey man, if you don’t wanna buy it, I’ll go sell it to someone else.”

“Nngh...!”

Not only were these talismans made with extremely rare ancient precious metals, but their design featured extremely high-quality magical elements, and their scarcity made them popular as collector’s items. With these traits combined, a Talisman of Laplace was the ultimate prize in the world of rare items.

As the old man hemmed and hawed, a grin spread across Tanya’s face. Time to lay on the pressure.

“I mean, have you looked at this thing? I admit, it’s smaller than the others, but it’s in perfect condition! Two hundred million is a steal, to be honest!”

“You say that, but... the jewels it uses are fairly commonplace...”

“Okay, fine. I’ll settle for twenty million, just for you.”

“Wow, that’s a drop!”

“How about it?”

“...Ten million.”

“Eighteen million.”

“Grrrgh... Fifteen million!”

“Sixteen million. And I won’t go a coin lower.”

Silence lingered between them... and then, finally, the old man caved.

“Fine, you win! We have a deal!”

“Ooh! A pleasure doing business with you!”

Yessss! With this, we’ll never have to worry about money again. Instead, we can focus on my revenge!

“Slow down, little lady. First I need to appraise it. Hell if I’m gonna drop sixteen million on a knockoff.”

“Yes, yes, of course. Take your time! I’m not worried.” After all, Laplace was literally carrying it with her.

“Very well... You know, I must say, you’re a good saleswoman.”

“Heh heh! Who, me? Nawww.”

The appraisal took a full two hours. The result? Real, obviously.

Stacks on stacks of gold coins were steadily piled up before their eyes.

“Wow! So this is modern money! There’s so much of it... you’re incredible, Tanya!” Laplace wrapped Tanya in a victory hug.

“All thanks to you! Eeee!” Tanya squealed, hugging her back.

And after the ashen-faced pawnbroker coughed up that sixteen million secul, the two women skipped all the way to the tavern.

*4*

Which brings us back to the Little Vixen. Yes, Tanya Artemiciov was now filthy rich.

“Eh heh heh heh! Make it rain!”

They ate. They drank. Laplace’s hunger was bottomless; she consumed dish after dish. As for Tanya, she took small bites of food while chugging straight from the bottle of wine. Then, while Laplace was picking at her dessert of sorbet, she suddenly looked up.

“You know... if you want, I can always make more talismans. We could open our own store!”

“Huh? Oh... Nah, that’s a bad move. You gotta think about supply and demand, see. If people realize we’ve got a bunch, they’ll start haggling the price down. Rarity’s what gives these things value.”

“Oh, interesting... you’re pretty smart, huh, Tanya?”

“Heh heh! I grew up poor, so I had to learn all this stuff the hard way.”

“Did you, now? I grew up fairly wealthy, myself.”

“Yes, I know! Are you seriously trying to brag right now?!” Tanya retorted, then polished off her bottle of wine.

Her former party members always used to “confiscate” her wine whenever they’d decided she’d had too much, claiming they were “looking out” for her. But now she could buy and drink all the alcohol she wanted. And damn, did it taste good.

*5*

Next, the two women decided to settle down for the foreseeable future in a luxury hotel. Hooray for disposable income!

They curled up beneath thick, fluffy blankets, and when they next awoke, they enjoyed a free continental breakfast in the meal room. Unlike the dirt-cheap Guild lodgings, it was actually a clean and presentable establishment, thank the heavens.

Once they’d dressed themselves in Laplace’s cute, custom-made, stat-maxed equipment...

“Ooooh! So this is the Adventurers’ Guild I’ve heard so much about! This little Sorceress is so excited!” Laplace squealed, eyes sparkling.

Hand in hand, they had arrived at the Ode branch of the Adventurers’ Guild.

“Wait, what? Is this your first time visiting the Guild?” Tanya asked.

“In my day, adventurers were like nomads, traversing the continent to wherever their journey took them next. But while I was sealed in the Wasteland, I overheard a passerby saying one of the veteran adventurers had created a place where all of them could band together and go on quests as a group! We never had anything like that three hundred years ago, and the concept was so novel and exciting, why, I’ve always hoped I’d see it for myself someday!” Laplace gushed, gazing up at the sign hanging out front.

Tanya grinned halfheartedly. “Right... well, not to be a buzzkill, but it’s not as amazing as you might think.”

And so they stepped inside.

“First, we need to register our party. Good thing there’s a half-off summer special going on right now.”

“Interesting... So the mere act of registering costs money, does it? This ‘Guild’ must turn a tidy profit.”

Tanya knew she might just go berserk if they inadvertently bumped into her old party, so she’d intentionally waited until just past noon, when most people would be out running quests. Sure enough, the building was deserted, save for the woman sitting at the counter. Perfect. Just as I predicted.

“Hello there! Welcome to the Adventurers’ Guild!” called the curvy, well-endowed counter clerk, smiling. She wore round, black-rimmed glasses, and her lavender hair was tied back into braids.

Tanya wasted no time getting to business. “We’re here to register our party.”

“And you want to register under the name Tanya Artemiciov, correct?”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay then! My name is Nadine Amaryllis, and I’ll be assisting you with your paperwork today.”

She handed Tanya a stack of papers to fill out, and it soon became apparent that there were a ridiculous amount of duplicate entry fields. Ugh, how obnoxious.

“This Adventurers’ Guild is a lot different than I was expecting. It’s very... dull.”

“Quit complaining! At least you don’t have to fill out this stupid paperwork—ack, I messed up!”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Just rewrite it and sign your initials next to the correction. There’s no rush.” Nadine smiled softly. From her mannerisms and tone of voice, it was clear she wasn’t being fake with them, and something about that felt really reassuring.

“Sorry... I’ll try to be more caref—AAAAHHH!”

“Uh-oh! Did you spill the ink? That’s okay! The entry fields are still legible, so just keep going!”

“Nngh... I’m really sorry...”

“It’s fine! Oh, Tanya, that part’s for me to fill out. Your section is over here.”

“Gah...!” Tanya was sweating bullets. In school she’d survived written tests through near-constant studying, but when it came to filling out forms, she was hopeless.

“Tanya, it just occurred to me... Are you secretly a major ditz?”

“Rude much?! I’ll have you know, I handled all the paperwork for my old party, okay?! At least I’m actually contributing, unlike you!”

“Now, now, don’t worry. I’m not going to think any less of you just because you’re useless at clerical work.”

“Hey! I’m not useless at it!”

“Hahaha... Now, now... no fighting, you two...”

Her anger somewhat mollified thanks to Nadine, Tanya progressed through the paperwork. By the time she was finished, she’d had to sign her initials for 24 different corrections.

“Hahahaha! Well done, Tanya! You’re the queen of mistakes!”

“Rrgh! I’m gonna wring your scrawny—”

“Mistakes are fine! We can fix them on our end,” Nadine insisted with a forced smile. “Now then, next we’ll need to evaluate your stats. Right this way, please.” She led them into another room, where a table with a crystal ball awaited them. “Tanya, you’ll go first. This stat evaluation is how we determine your party’s starting rank.”

“What’s this? Parties have ranks?” Laplace asked, puzzled.

“Indeed they do. This rank will affect your eligibility for certain quests as well as your reward money. Over time, your party will steadily rank up depending on member levels and Sparring Tournament results,” Nadine explained carefully. “Here at the Adventurers’ Guild, we encourage newly minted adventurers to join high-ranking, large-scale parties. It’s by no means uncommon to change parties or classes, but generally your rank will always be lower than the party or class you had originally.”

It was a smooth, polished lecture, one she’d probably given dozens of times before.

Party ranks generally functioned as follows:

At Ranks E and D—the lowest ranks—parties would generally be assigned to pick up litter around town or pick fruit from the nearby forest.

Next was Rank C, where Ryan’s party was assigned. C was the most populated of the ranks, and it was here that adventurers were permitted to submit applications to explore basic-level dungeons. In addition, Rank C parties were often recruited by those of higher ranks to serve as backup mercenary forces.

Rank B parties earned the right to explore advanced-level dungeons.

At Ranks A and S, parties could be recruited to assist with national military operations.

And lastly, Rank SS parties were seen as elite imperial platoons. Supposedly they were given the same reverence as knight commanders or cabinet members.

As Nadine finished giving Laplace the full rundown, Tanya found herself mildly surprised. This mousy little counter clerk really knows her stuff.

“The sum total of your members’ levels will go on to determine your party rank. Essentially, your personal level is equivalent to your proficiency in your class. Please note, in accordance with the Adventurers’ Guild Regulations, Article 4, Section 2, we will be grading your level on a scale from 1 to 100.”

“C’est bon. Fair warning, though—I’m pretty sure Tanya here is already at 100.”

“Hahaha! I don’t think anyone’s ever actually reached level 100. In my experience, female Knights are generally somewhere between levels 20 and 30,” Nadine replied. “Now then... Best of luck!”

*6*

Ten minutes later:

“...Y-Your party is Rank S,” Nadine stammered, her face pale and sweaty as she stared down at the sheet of paper in her hand containing the results of both Tanya’s and Laplace’s evaluations.

“Tanya, your evaluation has determined that you are indeed a Magi-Knight. And... and not only that... y-you’re level 100! That’s the max level!”

“Wait, what?! So Laplace wasn’t just babbling nonsense?!”

“...You thought I was babbling nonsense?”

“Well, you’re not supposed to make claims like that until you can prove it via Guild evaluation... so...”

Tanya reeled from this revelation. She hadn’t let herself believe she’d actually made it to an advanced-level class on Laplace’s word alone.

“It gets crazier! Next we have Laplace. As with Tanya, you’re at max level, but...”

“But?”

“Your class results are... oddly vague... You’re somewhere between a Shaman and a Mage... I’m honestly not sure! I’ve been working here for quite a while, and I’ve never seen results like these before!”

“Not surprising, honestly. I’m a Sorceress, after all.”

“What?”

“Laplace? Would you like to shut up, or would you like me to slam you into the wall again?”

“Nooo! No violence! Waaahhh!” The blabbermouth Sorceress darted away—or at least tried to, but because she was technically levitating, it looked like she was desperately treading water.

“A-Anyway! In light of your excellent evaluation results, your party has achieved Rank S!” Nadine exclaimed. “This is amazing... I need to inform the Adventurers’ Association... and the Imperial Bureau of Magic...!”

At this, Tanya realized something. Something critical.

“Oh, no... No no no no no!!! This is bad!!!”

“Huh?”

“Rank S parties can’t enter the Sparring Tournament!”

Indeed, the tournament was limited only to parties at Rank C or lower. If a Rank S party tried to enter, it would cause an outrage—after all, the power differential would be ridiculously unfair. And in order to get the ultimate revenge, Tanya needed to enter the tournament so she could humiliate Ryan in front of a giant audience.

Being given S Rank was extremely flattering and all, but if it was going to throw a wrench into her plans, then she couldn’t accept it.

“B-But...”

“Could you maybe... set our rank lower? No one’s watching! Just fiddle with the results or something!”

“You want me to falsify the records?!? That’s unacceptable and you know it!” Leaning away from Tanya, Nadine cradled the result sheet protectively.

“Tsk...”

“Did you just cluck your tongue at me?!”

“Non, non. You’re hearing things, mademoiselle.”

Just then... Tanya struck upon a brilliant idea.

“Let’s see... Our rank is based on the party’s average level, right?”

“Right.”

“Okay then... How about this?”

Tanya pointed her finger in Nadine’s face.

“Wh-What?” Nadine blinked back.

“What level are you, Nadine?”

“Who, me? I... I’m not sure... I haven’t been evaluated since I graduated from adventuring school...”

“You’re an adventurer?!”

“Oh, well, um, t-technically? But my level was so low that none of the parties wanted me... so I took a desk job instead...”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s get you measured!”

“What?! No, no, no—I—!”

“C’moooon! Grab her other arm, Laplace.”

“Okie-dokie!”

“Eeek! What are you doing?!”

“Now just touch this thing real quick...”

Tanya took Nadine’s hand and forcibly pressed it to the crystal ball. A moment later, a message floated to the surface—

“Level 3?”

“Whoa...”

“There, are you happy now?! Thanks for humiliating me!” Nadine snapped, tears in her eyes.

Considering most aspiring adventurers made it to level 20 or so by the time they graduated, her level was extremely, uncommonly low. No wonder nobody took her into their party.

Meanwhile, Nadine collapsed on the spot. “Nnnn... Go ahead! Point and laugh at my failure! Everyone else already has!”

Little did she know that, to Tanya, she wasn’t a failure at all. She was the perfect solution.

“Alright! I’ve made up my mind!” Tanya extended her hand and helped Nadine back to her feet. “Nadine, I want you to join our party!”

Each party could enter up to three participants in the Sparring Tournament. Nadine was level 3. The average of 100 plus 100 plus 3 was 68. And the cutoff for Rank C was 70.

With Nadine’s cooperation, they could skirt the rules and position themselves at the same rank as Ryan’s party!

“I get it... Nobody wants a level 3 Healer in their... Wait, what?”

“I said I want you to join us! And I mean it!”

“...What?”

Tanya smirked. “Why don’t we talk about it over a few drinks?”

Trust me, there’s no better candidate than you!

*7*

“For now, we’ll consider this a tentative new member welcome party!” Tanya declared.

The three of them had arrived at the Little Vixen, Ode’s best-kept secret. The tavern was beloved for its comfort food; most noteworthy among them was the stew, generally considered to be the best thing on the menu. Plus, the drinks tasted like candy, so it was easy to get a little carried away.

Albino foxkin were notorious for their love of tofu, and the owner’s deep-fried tofu pita pockets were absolutely divine... Again, it was dangerously easy to get carried away here.

“If you think you can ply me with food, you’ve got another thing coming! I’m not that easily bought!” declared Nadine, Tanya’s chosen new party member candidate, her mouth full.

“Yes, yes, whatever you say. Now then, a toast!”

“Santé!”

“I’m warning you now, my stomach is a bottomless pit!” Seated between Tanya and Laplace, Nadine sighed and drained her stein of beer.

Obviously she was flattered that such a highly-ranked party would want her to join—over the moon, really. It was what she’d always dreamed of, after all. But she couldn’t just up and quit her job at the Guild.

Not that customer service was her life’s calling or anything, and she was paid less than her male coworkers for the same work. Whenever a party announced that they were accepting new member applications, she was the first to get in touch... but no one wanted a Healer who was only level 3. That was why she’d settled for a desk job—at least it paid the bills.

But, she wasn’t about to join some stranger’s party just because they took her to dinner—

“You sure eat a lot, huh, Nadine?”

“Mmmph... Issh sho good!”

—but still, it couldn’t hurt to eat what was on the table. To be polite, of course. Not like anyone was stopping her.

Munch, munch, munch. Sweet and sour pork—beef cheek stew—an entire roast copper pheasant—devoured.

Meanwhile, Tanya and Laplace were cheerfully eating to their hearts’ content. They didn’t seem like bad people... Maybe it’d be fun to be in a party with them...

But Nadine still had something she needed to take care of first.

“As much as I’d love to join... I’ll only do so under one condition.”

“Wait, what?”

“I want to make a deal.”

Tanya’s eyes went wide. Nadine had seemed far too innocent to be the conniving, deal-striking type, but evidently looks could be deceiving. This counter clerk was a strong-willed woman... that, and she could put away a whole table’s worth of food.

What could she possibly want from them?

“As long as you don’t ask us to commit crimes, sure!”

“Quite the opposite—you’d be helping someone in need. I want you to assist me with a Guild-related job,” Nadine explained.

Tanya tilted her head in contemplation. Surely Guild employees could place requests on the bulletin board at a discounted price. So why ask a newly minted party?

“I’m not sure how to put this, but... I feel like you’re the only people I can ask,” Nadine continued.

Yeah, right. Totally not suspicious at all.

But before Tanya could finish pondering the matter, a very drunk Laplace giggled and shouted, “Tres bien! Just leave it to me!”

Evidently the Great Sorceress was an easy sell.