Chapter 4: They Artificially Lowered Her Test Scores, So We Went Ahead And Fixed That

*1*

“And you want us to be her private tutors?” Tanya asked over dessert.

Of all the demands Nadine could have made, Tanya never dreamed she’d ask them to tutor a little girl.

“I want you to help her pass the Imperial Magic Academy’s entrance exam.”

“The Imperial Magic Academy?!” Now that would pose one hell of a challenge. “Mmm... I don’t know...”

The Imperial Magic Academy was a revered institution in Pajan. It was one of just three magic academies in the entire nation, and it was by far the most elite.

In Pajan, certified Mages were treated as government employees, and Guild-affiliated Mages were no exception. They were required to obtain a diploma from either a public or private magic academy beforehand; that diploma would enable them to sit the yearly Mage Certification Exam. And only upon receiving your certification were you officially considered a Mage.

That certification was required to register at the Adventurers’ Guild, too. Without it, applicants were limited to either the Crafters’ Guild or the Merchants’ Guild. In short, that single certification made a world of difference when it came to wages... and the Imperial Magic Academy bridged the gulf.

This particular academy was so elite, their diplomas automatically doubled as Mage certificates. Talk about perks! Plus, because it was a government institution (hence “Imperial”), students could apply for financial aid directly from the national government.

In short—

“She wouldn’t have to pay much in tuition, that’s for sure...”

“Correct,” Nadine nodded. “I know the school receives a great deal of applicants every year, both within and outside of the country... and I know I’m asking a lot... but still, I want to help her.”

“What’s this all about, anyway?” Laplace asked, floating in midair with her dessert in one hand. “Why go to such great lengths for this particular girl? Ooh, this ice cream is delicious. Have some, Tanya!”

Ice cream aside, it was a valid question.

“Well, the thing is... Alisa’s an orphan.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate.”

“But in order to take care of her younger siblings, she needs to land a job that pays women a decent amount. Hence, magic school.”

Makes sense. Poor thing.

“So she’s doing it to keep her family together.”

“Yeah. Granted, her parents left her with a decent inheritance, but it won’t last forever. She’s been going hungry so her siblings have enough to eat for dinner.”

“Oh, wow... Yeah, I’d definitely like to help her if I could... Wow, Laplace, you were right. This ice cream is amazing.” Cold, creamy, and sweet!

As for Nadine, she’d ordered a cup of herbal tea in place of dessert. She held the mug clutched in both hands. “It would... mean a lot to me,” she muttered, staring down at the bitter liquid. “If you can get her into that school, I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Hmmm...”

Tanya hesitated. She didn’t want to make any promises she wasn’t sure she could keep... but it was obvious just how deeply Nadine cared for these kids.

“...Alright. We’ll do it.”

The Imperial Magic Academy’s entrance exams were a formidable hurdle, but it was still worth a shot. After all, Tanya was an Academy alumna... and truth be told, Alisa’s story reminded her of her younger self.

*2*

Nadine led them to a neighborhood in a clearly unsafe part of town, where passersby routinely spat on the sidewalk. This was Ode’s slum district.

At the end of the street, they found their client’s “house”—at least, technically it was in the shape of a house—and a small girl walked out to greet them.

“Oh my gosh... There’s a Mage at my house!!! Wow!!! Is this real life?!?”

The girl was shabbily dressed, her greasy hair cut into a bob. But more importantly—

“Holy hell, you’re so young! How old are you?!”

“I’m twelve!”

“Good lord!”

In Tanya’s eyes, she was practically a baby... but in this house there were no actual adults, so she was the next best thing.

“I’m prettier, though!” Laplace piped up from the back.

“No one cares, Laplace!”

“Sooo yeah, my name’s Alisa. Nice to meet you.” She set three mugs on the coffee table, one for each of her guests. “Sorry about the tea—it’s the best I have.”

And her “best” wasn’t great. It tasted like water with food coloring in it. Squalid living, indeed. Still, someone clearly raised her properly at some point, since she had the social grace to offer them drinks at all.

“Miss Nadine’s been really nice to me whenever I visit the Adventurers’ Guild,” she continued.

“She’d show up every single day to try to register with us, even though she knew she didn’t meet the age requirements,” Nadine explained.

“Wow, that sounds obnoxious.”

“Laplace!”

SLAM!

“Owww...”

“Whoa! Are you okay, ma’am?! ...Listen, um, you don’t have to get mad at her! She was just being honest!” Alisa pleaded.

Just then, a series of tiny figures crept out from behind her.

“Awisa? Who’s dis?”

One, two, three, four... Four children, all identical to their older sister. Oh, and one of them was cradling a baby. Five children.

Startled, Laplace let out a shriek. “Wh-What’s going on here?!”

“Hi there, kids. Long time no see,” Nadine greeted them, waving.

“Iss Nadeena!”

“Yaaay! Will you pway wif us?!”

The children were all ecstatic to be reunited with Nadine. Evidently they liked her quite a bit, which suggested she came here with some frequency... Apparently this Guild counter clerk was the compassionate sort.

“Sorry, kids. I’m here to see Alisa today.”

“No fair!”

“Can’t you play with us later? Pleeeease?”

Meanwhile, Tanya heaved a wistful sigh. Reminds me of my younger siblings back home. It’s hard looking after so many kids.

“Hey! Don’t be rude to our guests!” Alisa scolded. The bags under her eyes wouldn’t be out of place on someone thirty years her senior... Clearly she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“T-Tanya...!”

“Hmm?”

Laplace’s laughably pathetic wail drew Tanya’s attention. Glancing over her shoulder, she realized Laplace was trying to hide behind her. What happened to her usual devil-may-care attitude? She was sweating bullets!

“What’s the problem, O Great Sorceress?”

“I... I’m not good with kids!”

“Oh yeah?”

“I don’t know how to interact with them!”

Tanya reached out—and karate chopped her on the head.

“Ow!”

“Guess what? How you feel about kids doesn’t matter!”

“...What?”

“Know why?” Tanya pressed a finger to Laplace’s dainty nose. “Because as of right now, you’re on babysitting duty!”

“Wait... what?! You’re joking! I have to what?!”

“You’re babysitting these kids, and that’s final. Remember what you said back in the wasteland? You promised you’d help me carry out my revenge, no matter what.”

“I mean, yeah, but—”

“Great! Now stay here and watch the house for us!”

“Nobody warned me about this!”

“Lest you forget, I have to help Alisa get into the Imperial Magic Academy. She and I are gonna need to go over a few things for the exam.”

“Wh-What about Nadine?!”

“Me? I work at the Guild today.”

As Laplace floundered, Alisa clasped her hands together. “I can’t believe it... A tutor and a babysitter?! Thank you so much!”

“Non, non! I never agreed to—”

But before she could finish, a tiny hand tugged at her skirt.

“Will you pway wif us, pwetty lady?”

“P-Pretty lady?!”

At this, Alisa clapped her hands in the air, calling attention to herself. “Listen up, kids! This gorgeous stone cold stunner is going to babysit you while I’m gone!”

Laplace twitched slightly. “Stone cold... stunner...?”

Tanya took one look at her flushed cheeks and grinned mischievously. “You all want this pretty lady to play with you, right, guys?”

“Yeah!!!”

“C’est bon, d’accord! I’ll do it!” Laplace thrust her chest out proudly. “I am a stone cold stunner, after all!”

“Yaaaay!” the children cheered.

Once again, the Great Sorceress was an easy sell.

“Alright, children! Today the lovely Laplace is in charge!” Laplace declared as the youngsters swarmed around her.

“Hey, Miss Laplace? How come your boobies are showing?”

“Because that’s my prerogative.”

“Per-what?”

“Oh, right. Of course you wouldn’t know that word. Basically, I’m allowed to wear whatever clothes I want.”

“You can wear anything?”

“Why, certainly! Just leave it to the Great Sorceress!”

Snap, snap, snap! In a blink, Laplace’s clothes changed from robes to a dress to a suit of armor to a showgirl outfit, and on and on... There were some costumes Tanya didn’t even recognize.

“Whoaaa! That’s so coooool!”

“Heh heh heh... I can change your clothes, too!”

The children all beamed excitedly at each other. Evidently she had won them over in record time. For Tanya, it was a little touching to witness.

See, Laplace? I knew you had it in you.

Now it’s time for me to tutor like my life depends on it!

*3*

Two weeks later...

Situated in North Ode was a certain nature park, its plaza a popular testing ground for Mages and Magi-Crafters alike. Today, however, two especially enthusiastic visitors had drawn the attention of everyone around them: Tanya and Alisa.

Here there were Mages of all kinds—dignified master Mages giving hard-faced lectures to their disciples, intermediate Mages showing off their spells and smirking around at everyone to make sure they were watching, wealthy Mages flaunting their top-of-the-line magical equipment—and in the middle there stood a female Knight with an oversized sword casting mid-tier spells while a tiny girl looked on fervently. Of course they were going to stick out.

Tanya canceled her current spell and smiled as Alisa let out a sigh. “You’re doing great, Alisa.”

Frankly, she was impressed. Alisa’s stamina, knowledge, and casting technique were all well above average, and in some areas, she was already on par with an Imperial Magic Academy incumbent. We might just be able to pull this off!

Once Alisa had caught her breath, she rounded on Tanya. “Please, Sensei, let me try again!”

“L-Look... You don’t have to call me ‘Sensei,’ okay?”

“Sure I do! You’re my teacher! And great teachers are worthy of respect!”

Alisa’s practical training had progressed smoothly.

Be it small amounts circulating through the body or large amounts circulating around the world, mana circuits were the foundation of all magic. It took a certain level of prowess to pick up on that—and fortunately, Alisa possessed that aptitude.

“You must’ve really put a lot of practice into this, haven’t you?” Tanya mused as they were running through another practice round.

“Oh, no... I still have a long way to go, so...”

“Don’t downplay your efforts! You’ve worked hard, and you have the results to prove it.”

Tanya beamed at her, and she blushed. “Well... yeah... I guess...” she mumbled shyly, staring at the ground.

“Great stuff,” Tanya nodded to herself. “Really great.”

The entrance exams would surely be a formidable hurdle, but not an insurmountable one. At the rate they were going—

“This might actually work out.”

“What was that, Sensei?”

“Oh, nothing.”

Right as break time rolled around, they spotted a familiar pair of lavender braids in the distance.

“Tanya! Alisa!” It was Nadine, and she was carrying sandwiches in both hands.

“Hiya, Nadine!”

“I got permission to take a long lunch today, so I thought I’d stop by.” She smiled softly, and in that moment, she almost seemed like Alisa’s actual sister.

As much as I’d love to join... I’ll only do so under one condition. It was a bold demand and unexpected from this seemingly mild-mannered counter clerk. What a peculiar young woman we have here, Tanya thought. And more peculiar still: the “wicked” Great Sorceress and her carefree levitation magic. To Tanya, both of them were equally inscrutable.

Oh, and this sandwich is the bomb. I’m really digging this tangy whole grain mustard!

Nadine must’ve bought them from one of the food stands on the main street. Tanya herself often bought lunch there on her days off. But those food stands were quite a walk from the Adventurers’ Guild; she would’ve had to go pretty far out of her way to pick one up.

“Thank you for buying lunch, Miss Nadine,” said Alisa as she munched on her veggie sandwich. She must’ve been starving, because she polished it off quickly without another word.

Quietly, Nadine handed her a second one... the one she’d intended to eat herself. Tanya swallowed her envy along with the bite of food in her mouth.

“So, how’s your training going?”

“Oh, it’s going great! Miss Tanya is an awesome teacher, just like I knew she would be! After all, she’s the legendary lady Mage who graduated from the Academy at the top of her class!”

“Wait, what?! Who told you that?!” You’re gonna make me blush!

“All the girls were talking about you when I went to turn in my application form. They were like, ‘If we work hard like Tanya Artemiciov, no one will judge us for being female Mages!’”

“Wow, that’s... kinda nifty. Thanks,” Tanya stammered.

Obviously she couldn’t exactly tell her that some fucking sexist asshole ultimately “judged” her right out of her party, but yeah.

“Knowledge is power. And it never hurts to be powerful, no matter what gender you are.”

“Right! I want to be just like you so I can keep my little siblings safe, you know? And once I’m a Mage, I’m sure I can take care of an entire household on my own, so...”

“So you need to pass that entrance exam.”

“Right!” Alisa’s eyes lit up.

Meanwhile, Nadine reached over and stroked her hair. “We’re all here to support you, Alisa.”

“Thank you! I’ll be sure to work extra hard after lunch, too!”

“Alrighty then! We’ll start off by having you practice your magic circles!”

“Right you are, sensei!”

As Alisa jumped to her feet, Nadine waved goodbye and headed back to work. And for a moment, Tanya wondered: why exactly did Nadine ask her to do this?

*4*

One night, a few days later...

“Waaaahh! I’m tiiiired! Why should a Great Sorceress have to babysit children?! Is this my punishment?!” Laplace wailed as she flung herself down upon her hotel bed.

“Punishment for what, genius?”

“For being too beautiful?”

“Congrats, that makes absolutely no sense.” Tanya rolled her eyes. If anything, I bet THEY’RE the ones babysitting YOU.

They were wearing the matching nightgowns they’d bought in town together—sunflower yellow for Tanya and marine blue for Laplace. Tanya was never really the nightgown-wearing type, and this frilly style was more to Laplace’s taste than hers, but she was reluctantly convinced after Laplace pointed out that “wearing cute matching pajamas will make us feel more like a real party!”

It was baffling just how childish this “Great Sorceress” could be. Who in their right mind would think to use a weather manipulation spell just to dry her hair after a shower? Tanya had tackled her purely on reflex. Then, using her magical fan, she’d dried and brushed Laplace’s long, dark, silky hair for her. Honestly, what an overgrown baby.

Just then, a question occurred to her. “Hey, Laplace?”

“What is it, Tanya?”

“Why do you think Nadine cares about Alisa so much?” If you’re some almighty Sorceress, then let’s hear your take.

“Good question. Beats me,” she replied flippantly.

Tanya’s face fell. “Oh... I figured Laplace the Great-Ancient-Beautiful-Sorceress would have an answer, but I guess not.”

“Actually, that reminds me. The kids were telling me how Alisa kept going to the Guild every day after their parents died. Apparently she was looking for a Mage to take her in as an apprentice.”

Laplace was easily bribed, as usual.

“Oh, really? Wow.”

“Oui, oui. Not that any of those incompetent losers could’ve taught her anything, of course.”

“Pretty much anyone would look incompetent next to a chick who can levitate and manipulate the weather, shit!”

“Anyway, after a few months of daily visits, she’d exhausted the entire Mage directory, and everyone had turned her down. Some of them even physically threw her out of their houses. She’d have to walk all the way home covered in scrapes and bruises.”

“People got violent with her?!” Whoever these Mages were, they’d have to be total scum to manhandle a tiny twelve-year-old girl.

“Yeah. Meanwhile, she was working whatever odd jobs she could get in order to make ends meet. The kids would beg her not to go back to the Guild, but she’d go anyway. Then one day she met Nadine, and the rest is history.”

God... How could they do that to such a brave and talented girl?!

This left only one question:

“Wait, but... I was there at the Guild, too...” So why didn’t Alisa ever approach me?

“Hmmm... I imagine she must’ve thought a trailblazing female Mage like you would never give her a passing look. If only she’d had the courage to talk to you, maybe things could have been different... What a shame,” Laplace sighed. “Surely an upstanding, virtuous Mage like you would have never overlooked the value of hard work.”

“Right...”

And yet somehow Tanya had overlooked Alisa all the same. Perhaps she never really paid that much attention; after all, it wasn’t until after she was booted from her old party that she bothered to learn the counter clerk’s name.

“Alisa really wanted to be like you, you know. The kids told me all about it.”

“...She did?”

“Of course! You’re one of only a very few women who managed to graduate from the Imperial Magic Academy at the top of their class. I’m sure lots of girls wish they were you!”

“Oh, please...”

“Anyway, all jokes aside...” Laplace leaned in, drawing her pretty face close to Tanya’s.

“Nngah...!” Tanya yelped nervously. What?! What is it?! Why are you so forward with me—I mean, why do you keep kissing me all the time?! Do you do this with everyone you meet?! Wait! Slow down!

Curved in a gentle smile, Laplace’s perfect lips were now mere inches from hers. Tanya squeezed her eyes shut.

“Wait—don’t—!”

“Détends-toi, ma belle. There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Laplace whispered, her low voice tickling Tanya’s ears.

“Aah!”

Then something soft pressed against her lips.

“Mmm... La...place...! Mmmph!”

When their tongues touched, for some reason, she could feel Laplace’s mana flowing into her. How does she do that?

“Oh, Tanya... You’re such a softie, aren’t you?”

“Nnn...” Her body felt warm and fuzzy. Suddenly, a wave of drowsiness washed over her, and her eyelids drooped.

“Listen here, Tanya. I know you’ve been staying up late, sacrificing sleep to correct Alisa’s homework. Trust me, I can see right through you.”

“...exam... ’s comin’ up soon...”

“Ever the dutiful teacher, I see. You know we could always find someone else to join our party... so why are you so fixated on Nadine in particular?”

“...mmm... ‘cuz... uh...”

Because when Nadine stated her conditions, she didn’t ask for money or items. She asked for help on someone else’s behalf—specifically, a little girl with dreams of becoming a Mage. How could Tanya possibly say no to that? It was practically cheating. Of course she’d want to help.

Eyelids... so heavy...

“Don’t you also have a revenge plot to carry out?”

Yeah, but... I gotta... grade her homework... and plan tomorrow’s lesson...

“You’ll need all the sleep you can get.”

She could smell Laplace’s natural scent. A dignified floral fragrance... lilies, perhaps. Her consciousness drifted.

“...Zzzz...”

Somewhere in the distance, she thought she heard Laplace’s voice:

Sweet dreams, Tanya. I’m so proud of my hard worker.

*5*

Examination day had finally arrived, and now an elegant chalk building towered above them. This was the Imperial Magic Academy campus.

Tanya and Laplace stood just outside the school gates with Alisa’s siblings in tow. Unfortunately Nadine couldn’t make it due to work obligations, but she told them to give Alisa her best wishes all the same.

As for Alisa, she was currently inside that building, sitting the exam.

There were plenty of other people waiting outside with them—mostly upper-class servants or affluent merchant couples. Hence, Tanya and her ragtag band of misfits stuck out like a sore thumb.

Here, the barrier to entry would not be merciful. It, too, towered above them.

“Look! There’s Alisa!” shouted one of Alisa’s younger brothers, clinging to Laplace’s shoulder as she levitated just a finger’s length off the ground.

“Alisa!”

“Sensei! Oh jeez, what are you all doing here?!”

Alisa jogged over, and from the look on her face, Tanya knew.

“I think I passed.”

At this, everyone let out a sigh of relief.

“Awisa, awe you gonna be a Mage?” her little sister asked innocently.

“She sure is! Your big sister is on her way to joining yours truly in the realm of spellcasting!” Laplace grinned.

They had done everything within their mortal capabilities. Now all they could do was wait... and pray.

Just then, a goofy voice shouted: “Hey, little girl! (lol)”

They turned to find a boy about Alisa’s age standing there, dressed in a young nobleman’s finery. Quick summary: chubby, blond, shorts.

“Uhhh... Did you need something?”

“Hmph! I overheard your conversation. I’ll bet you’re so proud of yourself, aren’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

The boy snorted. “How ridiculous to see females trying to attend the Imperial Magic Academy. Whew... Feels good to get that off my chest.”

“Oh dear, he really shouldn’t be wearing that outfit,” Laplace snickered.

“It’s not nice to judge people on their appearance, Laplace. At least save it for when he’s not around.”

Meanwhile, the boy continued talking as though he’d failed to notice how uncomfortable he was making their group.

Then Alisa looked up suddenly. “Sensei!”

“Hmm?”

“This guy sat the exam with me just now. During the written portion, he got in trouble with the proctor for looking around too much. And he was a total mess during the practical exam, too. So how come he’s so confident?”

“Who knows. Maybe he’s on the verge of a breakdown and he’s trying to keep himself together.”

“What are you people whispering about? Whatever. Seeing as you apparently don’t know how things work around here, allow me to fill you in.”

“Oh yeah?” Who the hell is this kid, and why is he bothering us?

Tanya tilted her head skeptically. Alisa squinted dubiously. Laplace was still snickering. And yet somehow, despite the extreme “yikes” vibe, the boy still pressed on.

“My uncle’s on the board of directors, and he told me they can’t have too many females passing the entrance exams!”

“...What does gender have to do with it?” Alisa asked, confused.

The boy snorted again. “Wow, you really are ignorant. If the whole town gets overrun with girl Mages, just think of the problems it’ll cause for the Guild and the Imperial Magic Association! That’s why they have to regulate it!”

“Regulate it?”

Regulate it? It took a minute for that to sink in. What do you mean, regulate it? It’s a hard test, but whoever passes gets in, right? Why would they need to regulate that?

“I mean exactly what I said. Every girl examinee gets some points docked. I forget exactly how many... Ten? Twenty? Of course, you can better your chances by making donations. Obviously I don’t have to worry, since my father is the Count of the Nine Southern States, but as for you poor people, I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

WHAT? Tanya balled her hands into fists and glared at Chubby Blond Shorts. “What are you talking about?!”

“Eeeek! M-My point is, that chick isn’t gonna pass!” Tanya’s loud voice had made him flinch, but he carried on smugly nonetheless. “She sure made me look stupid, by the way. I should’ve been the best in our group, but no, she just had to bust out all the intermediate and advanced spells! Don’t worry—I already told my uncle all about her!”

Tanya took a deep breath. “So you’re saying... they make the test harder for women specifically?” she asked quietly, in a tone of forced calm.

Oblivious to the murderous rage oozing from her every pore, Chubby Blond Shorts Aristo-Brat smirked knowingly. “Yeah, pretty much! It’s just the way things work when you’re part of the elite. For a girl, you’d have to be a genius to ace the Imperial Magic Academy’s entrance exam, and there’s only ever been one of those around here—Tanya Artemiciov, that one freak of nature who somehow graduated at the top of her class. But even she wouldn’t stand a chance against a real man like me!”

“Pffft. (lol)”

Laplace burst out laughing. The little boy on her shoulder giggled, too. They didn’t seem angry in the least.

Clenching her fists, Tanya exhaled slowly. She could see the humor in this situation, of course, but it really wasn’t a laughing matter.

“Wh... What’s your problem, goth chick?!”

“Pfffhaha! A genius and a freak of nature! It seems you’ve got quite the reputation, Tanya!”

“...Huh?”

The Aristo-Brat stared at Tanya, mouth agape. Behind him, his servants exchanged “oh shit” looks and quietly retreated into the carriage. Chubby Blond Shorts didn’t notice this.

“W-Wait, so... you’re...?”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Tanya Artemiciov.”

“Huh-whuh?!”

Ashen, the Aristo-Brat stumbled backwards and fell onto his rear. The sight irritated her. Cowards like you ought to keep your heads down and your mouths shut, you pathetic little boy.

“But... but then why are you wearing a Knight’s armor?!”

“I just changed classes. To a Magi-Knight, actually.”

Chubby Blond Shorts leapt to his feet. “M-Magi-Knight?! The master-level class?!”

At this, even Alisa couldn’t help but snicker. Thank goodness, Tanya thought to herself. She’d been worried that this conversation had crushed her little spirit, but evidently not. Still... it had probably been hard for her to hear.

I can’t let this sexist world beat her down. It’s time to show her what it really means to fight like a girl!

“P-Prove it! I won’t be cowed by your lies! Show me proof that you’re the real Tanya Artemiciov!”

“You want proof, eh?” An idea struck her. “Alright then... how’s this for proof?!”

Whipping her sword off her back, she plunged it into the ground where they stood.

“Gyaahh!”

In a flash, a sheet of frost spread outward from her blade.

“Wh... No incantation?!”

“I summon thee! Icicle Prison!”

“Gaaaaahhh!!!”

In a blink, Chubby Blond... (you know the rest) was trapped in an icy cage.

“Just wondering, but is all that stuff you said true?” Tanya asked, wearing her best, brightest smile.

“Y-Yesh...?”

“Ah, I see. Okay, well, FUCK THAT!”

“Eeeek!” Chubby Blond... (cont’d.) squealed as Tanya drew close.

“Can I ask one last thing?”

“Shure...?”

“This cool uncle of yours... what’s his name, pray tell?”

“Gyah!” He caved immediately. “M-My uncle is the head of the p-proud and d-distinguished Gan family! Dan Gan! Impressed much?!”

Dan Gan. “Aha. Yes, I know that lowlife,” Tanya mused, a smug smirk on her face.

Dan had served as an academy director all throughout her days at the Academy. When it was announced that she would be valedictorian of her graduating class, he came up to her and said, “You know, you’ll scare all the boys away if you keep showing off like that.” In other words, just your bog-standard sexist creep.

He had no particular talent or impressive accomplishments under his belt—just a wealthy family. At the time, she’d wondered how someone so painfully mediocre could’ve acquired such a prestigious position with the Academy, but now it made sense. He must’ve had connections who could pull a few strings.

Regardless, as far as Tanya was concerned, he could fuck off and die. To put it mildly.

“Heh heh... heh heh heh...” Tanya chuckled darkly. As she pulled her sword from the ground, the Icicle Prison shattered like glass. She no longer had any use for this Aristo-Brat. He’d probably learned his lesson; no sense in scaring him to death.

“Whuh?!” Chubby... (cont’d.) flinched as the ice came down all around him. “Uhh... w-well... I won’t forget this!” he wailed as he ran off with his tail between his legs, all the way back to his fancy carriage. The fact that none of his servants had come to his rescue spoke volumes of his popularity back home.

“Oh my gosh, Sensei! You’re so badass!” Alisa exclaimed, eyes sparkling. “I can’t believe you stood up to a noble!”

Meanwhile, everyone in the vicinity was looking at her with awe. But Tanya fell silent—and the look on her face suggested she was about to cause some real mischief.

Laplace noticed this right away, of course. “Hahahaha! Oh, Tanya, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You’ve got plans for tonight, don’t you?” she asked, beaming like a child on Christmas morning.

“Yeah... After this, I think our new friend’s going to start sleeping with one eye open.”

She smiled as Laplace laughed even harder.

All the effort Tanya had put into mastering all those spells—and this asshole was going around reducing test scores on the basis of gender? There was no way Tanya, of all people, could let such reprehensible behavior continue.

So she continued plotting, Laplace continued laughing, and the kids all cheered.

“Just you wait! I’m gonna tell my uncle on youuuu!!!” Chu... (cont’d.) wailed as his carriage rolled away.

Unfortunately, nobody noticed or cared.

*6*

That night, at midnight, a conversation was taking place deep within the Imperial Magic Academy regarding tomorrow’s exam results announcement. A group of old men spoke in hushed tones, gathered together in a tightly shuttered room.

“This ‘Alisa’ girl has scored quite high.”

“Odd. There are no records of her attending any of the local prep schools.”

“Perhaps she studied under an exceptionally talented Mage...?”

“Hmmm... Possibly. You know, we’re seeing a steady increase in female examinees lately, and we all know they have the advantage when it comes to oral exams and verbal communication in general... I hate to say it, but it’d be unfair to the other students to let Alisa in, don’t you think?”

“Hah hah hah! My thoughts exactly! These women will all just retire in a few years anyway!”

“Indeed. Plus, male students are typically late bloomers—I’m sure they’ll improve eventually. But for now, it appears we’ll need to regulate the results again this year.”

“Very well. In keeping with past years, let’s dock an even twenty points from each female,” declared the chairman, Dan Gan.

The very next moment, all the lights in the room were simultaneously extinguished.

This caused quite a stir among the men. They were in the deepest part of the Academy building—an impregnable shelter with layers of magical barriers, designed to house the imperial royal family in the event of an emergency.

But someone had found their way in.

“You really shouldn’t have let the Great Sorceress hear that, you know. But I diiiid,” called an eerily singsong voice. A woman’s voice.

“Wh-Who’s there?!”

“That’s right. We heard every last word of that. Girls have the advantage in oral exams because of our verbal communication skills? We’re all just going to run off and quit our jobs? And this is somehow a valid reason to lower people’s test scores? Do you think this is a fucking joke?” asked another woman, her voice shaking with anger. “Women don’t choose to be like this. The world around us forces us to ‘grow up’ when we’re still children—oh, but men get to be ‘late bloomers’? Take your twenty points and SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS!”

As her voice shook the room, the other, softer voice chimed in, “Yes, it appears you’ve ‘royally fucked up,’ as it were. And this the Great Laplace shall not abide.”

The men began to whimper. “L-Laplace?! Who are you people?! You dare speak the name of the Wicked Dragonwhore?!”

Two women quietly appeared from behind the tightly drawn curtains. How could they have gotten in through those firmly shuttered windows?

One was dressed all in black, with long, glossy, raven-black hair—darkness personified. Like a shadow, she floated idly in midair. The men gasped. Levitation magic? Impossible. No human alive could possibly use such overpowered sorcery. Not here in Pajan, anyway.

And as for the other—

“Eeeek!”

She was a Knight, carrying a sword on her back the length of her entire body. Her hair was pale pink, and she was smiling—but the smile didn’t reach her eyes, which were burning with unbridled fury as she cracked her glove-covered knuckles.

“I know you. You’re—!”

“Yeah, that’s right. I’m Tanya Artemiciov, the woman who dared to graduate at the top of her class.”

Fwump! Tanya swung her sword down hard, unleashing a razor-sharp gust of air that slashed at the men’s clothes.

“Was that... Wind Blade?!”

“With no incantation?! And that sword... No, it can’t be! You’re... a Magi-Knight?!”

“S-Someone hel—mmmpphh?!”

A light snap echoed across the room, and the cry for help was extinguished. What kind of spell was that? And how could she perform it with no incantation or casting time? The old men stared in shock.

Next, Tanya plunged her sword into the floor, unleashing an Icicle Prison—no incantation, natch—and all the while her smile never wavered for an instant, as though it were plastered onto her face.

“Now then, about this ‘regulation’ shit. You’re going to promise me you’ll never, ever try to do this again... or else we’ve got a loooong night ahead of us. Oh, and you’ll need to pull up everyone you’ve unfairly denied and enroll them, too. You wouldn’t want me to get angry, right?” A vein bulged in her forehead as she chuckled.

Beside her, Laplace grinned like the Cheshire Cat, enjoying the festivities. She snapped her fingers... and outside the window, a streak of lightning shot across the sky as a violent storm suddenly rolled in.

“Oh dear, Laplace, how could you? Now no one can hear them scream.”

“Oui, oui. It’s time to get this party started.”

The men stood rooted to the spot as despair washed over each and every one of them.

“Mmmph... mmmgghhh!”

And by the time the night was over... well, some things are better left unsaid.

The next morning, the Imperial Magic Academy board of directors stumbled out, knees quaking, to deliver the “List of Passing Candidates (Undoctored)” and “List of Erroneously Miscategorized Passing Candidates” to the office clerk. The moment these two lists were placed in the clerk’s hands, the men all began to froth at the mouth until they passed out.

When asked, not a single one of them, Dan Gan included, could explain what had happened to them. All they could manage to say was...

“S-Snitches get stitches...!”

*7*

“As of today, I’m officially joining your party. Thank you for having me,” said Nadine, inclining her head respectfully. Gone was her counter clerk uniform; now she wore adventurers’ gear.

“Welcome to the party!”

“Bienvenue, mademoiselle!”

They had already registered with the Guild as a three-member party:

Tanya, Magi-Knight, Level 100.

Laplace, Mage(?), Level 100++.

Nadine, Healer... Level 3.

Party level: 67.

“Now we’re Rank C! And that means we can enter the tournament!” Tanya thrust her fists into the air victoriously. Fuck yeah!

“Oh, that reminds me. Alisa and her siblings came by the Guild on my last day... They wanted me to give you this.” Nadine took a letter out of her bag... along with a single flower.

To: Tanya and Friends

I never would’ve made it into the Imperial Magic Academy without all of you. Miss Nadine, you were always there for me when I needed you. Miss Laplace, thank you for babysitting my brothers and sisters. And Tanya-sensei, thank you for everything.

I love you all so, SO much, and I hope someday I can stand on equal ground with all of you as a fellow adventurer.

—Alisa

“She actually made it in... Tanya, you’re really something, you know that?” Nadine remarked.

“Who, me? Nahhh,” Tanya demurred. She could feel her face growing hot. Jeez, don’t embarrass me, you dork!

“Hey, what’s that supposed to be?!” Laplace pointed over Tanya’s shoulder at a childish doodle tucked away in one corner of the stationery. Long, black hair... a black dress... and ample cleavage...

P.S. One of my siblings drew Laplace! Isn’t it cute?

“No, it isn’t! I’m at least a hundred times cuter than this!”

“Oooh, someone’s blushing!”

“Non, non! I’m not blushing!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

Meanwhile, Nadine was busy filling out the party registration paperwork (since Tanya was so incredibly bad at it). And when she was done, she would walk into her former workplace to turn it in. What a strange feeling.

“Let’s see... What shall our party name be?” Nadine asked the others.

“Good question... Uhhh...”

Tanya glanced around until her eyes eventually settled on the single lily Alisa had sent with her letter.

“You know, I started this party to kick ass and get revenge, but... it can’t hurt to have a pretty name, right?”

She gazed down at the untarnished white petals.

“Our party name will be... Lilium.”