2

The inside of Saya’s head was a mess.

Still not entirely sure what to think, she ran for most of what was usually a twenty-minute walk home. The moment she opened the door and stepped inside, she ran into Aya—her sister, three years her senior—as she was coming out of the living room.

“Whoa.” Having apparently just gotten out of the bath, Aya, who had a towel wrapped around her head and an ice pop sticking out of her mouth, reacted to Saya’s momentum with shock. “Is something up...?”

Saya, still out of breath, just shook her head.

Looking dubiously at her little sister, Aya raised an eyebrow as she seemed to notice something.

“You’re not drowsy?”

“Huh... Why?”

“Your eyes are open in a way I haven’t seen from you lately. You look like a startled cat. Did something happen?”

“I guess... you could say something did,” Saya said, then went quiet. She lacked the words to describe her earlier experience.

“What’s up?”

“I dunno... I had a nightmare... or something like that.”

“What, you managed to sleep?”

“Huh? Well... Just a little...?”

“Hey, good for you. Your complexion’s kind of looking better. Although, you could also say your usual complexion’s not exactly the best.”

“Oh, shove off.”

“Huh, where’s your bag?”

When Aya pointed it out, Saya realized she was empty handed. She’d left it in her classroom.

“I forgot it...”

“What are you even doing? You gonna go back? Should I bring the car out?”

“Nah. Gonna rest a bit.”

She took off her shoes, entered the house, and went upstairs.

“At least wash your face!”

“I know.” With a half-hearted response to her big sister downstairs, she entered her second-floor bedroom. She closed the door, then collapsed onto her bed. Next to her pillow there were a number of stuffed animals she’d had since she was little; they were there to do what little they could to help her get restful sleep. Laying in a bed that smelled like her body scent, Saya’s mind wandered.

What was that, again...?

What happened to me?

Okay, calm down. Let’s sort this out, one bit at a time.

Fortunately, my head’s clear now... Like it hasn’t been for a while. Why? Because I slept.

I slept... Seriously? That’s amazing.

I thought I was going to just waste away and die of insomnia, but I managed to sleep.

Aw, yeah...

“Ohhhhh, thank goodness,” Saya whispered in a low voice.

Now that she could get some sleep again, she could start to piece her crumbling life back together. Her studies, her relationships... she’d need to work at it to redeem herself, but that was nothing compared with the long bout of sleeplessness she’d been through.

It’s really great... Yeah, this is totally good news.

So, what’s the other news?

I woke up, still thinking someone I didn’t know was my lover from the dream, and kissed her hard. Is that good news? Bad news?

Saya covered her face with both hands, letting out a deep sigh.

“That’s a sex crime...”

It wasn’t clear she’d be held accountable for her actions, but it had to be sexual harassment at the very least.

“Can we pretend it didn’t happen...? No...? Did she notice...? She did, didn’t she? No matter how I look at it...”

If that came to light, Saya could only guess that she might find herself in a difficult position going forward.

“I was convinced we were lovers at the time...”

That the love she had been so certain of in the dream went and rapidly dissipated about ten seconds after she woke up had been a shock, too. Thanks to that, she felt something like a sense of loss and lingering affection swirling around inside her chest. It was a completely baseless, unnecessary sense of loss, though.

That feeling of certainty that she was in love, and loved in return, that she tasted during the kiss... This had been the first time in the seventeen years of her life that she had experienced it.

Noticing that she had been unconsciously touching her lips, Saya moved her hand away from them, feeling awkward.

“Ugh, I dunno anymore.”

Hugging her pillow, Saya groaned powerlessly.

“None of this makes sense...”

No, enough. I’m done. Thinking about it isn’t helping.

There was one thing for certain, and that was that she could sleep again.

For now, just sleep. Sleep like before, and recover. Thinking about the difficult stuff can wait. The fact of the matter is, I’m already this tired...

Saya shut her eyes, shifting into an easier sleeping position, and breathed softly.

Breathe in... Breathe out...

Breathe in... Breathe out...

...

Not long after, Saya opened her eyes.

“...Huh?”

She couldn’t sleep.

No different from any time before this, slumber showed no sign of coming for her.