Afterword
Afterword
Author’s Official Spokeswoman “L”
L: Hi, everyone! It’s been awhile! Official Spokeswoman “L” here!” A: Uh, Spokeswoman? I’m here too, right behind you. The author. Remember me? L: Whaaaat?! What’re you doing here?! A: What am I doing here? I just got back from taking a walk. And… you were the one who tried to drop a flowerpot on my head as I left the house! L: Hey, don’t look at me. I know a lot of people who’d like to drop a flowerpot on your head! Ha ha ha! A: What did you say? L: I was just saying I’m glad you’re all right. A: Didn’t sound like it. L: Oh, who cares? You’re all right, aren’t you? Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry to everyone for the long delay in getting out Slayers Vol. 4. A: Yeah, what took you so long? L: You’re the author! Why don’t you ask yourself?! A: Oh! Uh… got me there. A lot of stuff suddenly came up. Can’t go into details. L: Like hell. You could’ve at least answered fan mail and kept your readers happy while you frittered your time away. A: Hey gimme a break, would you? I sent out New Year’s cards, didn’t I? Of course, I had someone buy them in bulk, and I didn’t actually see them… L: Mm-hmm. And here we are with an overdue novel. So? A: Well… at least we got it out. That should count for something, right? L: Okay, okay, I forgive you. A: What’d you think of Kanzeil? He was a mean SOB, wasn’t he? Strong as hell and no sense of humor. I wouldn’t wanna run into him in a dark alley. L: What are you mumbling about? Okay everyone, it’s time for the “L Event Corner.” A: Right, the last one was a drawing contest. It had to do with unseen people. You gonna keep up with that? L: Until the author croaks. A: Ha ha! Hey, wait just a… whatever, I think your idea of sending people matchbooks as prizes didn’t exactly attract a lot of contestants. L: And whose bright idea was that? They probably thought: “Screw it, this is just some big joke.” A: H-hey, now. L: What sort of prize might people like? I think illustrations and colored paper could work. A: That doesn’t sound too shabby. L: I suppose they’d like something signed. A: No waaaay! L: Hmph. Scrooge! Okay, the name of our current contest—much in-demand by our fans—is called the Totally Clichéd Character Popularity Contest! A: But isn’t that something even doujinshi do? Are we that desperate? Have we completely run out of creative ideas? L: Goodness, no! I thought of biology or magic-related questions, but then I thought it was way too geeky so I ruled it out. Like asking for a report on Reverse Ohm errors in physical reconstruction. A: What the heck is that? L: Nevermind. I just mean that people wouldn’t go for it. Anyway, back to the main issue. To avoid confusion— like “A is good but B is better!” or stuff like that—divide five points among the names of your favorites. A: You mean assign one point for each of your five characters? L: Not if you don’t want to. You can divide the five points anyway you like. If you have two to four favorites, you can spread the extra points until you get a total of five. That’s “L-sama’s five-point system!” A: But who’s gonna—? L: Mm? What? A: Er, I mean the method’s fine, but some poor schmuck’s gonna have to add all that up. L: That’s okay. You’ll be doing it. A: Whaaaaat?! L: Not so loud! Anyway, applications must be received at the publisher’s head office by the end of ‘91. Five names will be selected randomly to receive colored paper autographed by the author. But, if we catch someone trying to submit multiple ballots just to pad out their chances of winning the raffle, all identical votes will be buried in the Postcard Cemetery. A: So, if you’ll forgive the time delay, the results of the Totally Clichéd Character Popularity contest will be announced in the Afterword of the next volume. The prizes will be sent to the winners after that. L: That’s fine, but… when is the next volume? A: (gulp) L: You mean you haven’t given any thought to it at all? You have no idea what the next volume will be about? A: N-no, I’ve been thinking about it. In rough terms, anyway L: Rough terms, huh? Well, when our author says “rough,” he really means “clueless.” A: No, see, it’s about Lina’s Giga Slave—CRUNCH! (sound of something heavy falling)
S: (pant, pant) I did it, L-sama! I failed the first time, but I finally knocked out our author using this flowerpot! L: That’s very nice, but we’re finished here. The Afterword’s already over. S: Wha?! But I thought I was gonna get to take part! L: I lied. S: Nooooooooooo! L: Well, it’s a cruel world. Anyway, see you next time, which, hopefully, won’t be too long from now.(L bows. Wooden clappers. Then… final curtain.)
In the Next Volume:
Lina has lost her magic and in order for it to be restored, she’ll need to travel to Mine—a village where Ruby Eye Shabranigdu is worshiped. When a mysterious priest crosses her path, she agrees to help him get the Clair Bible and the chimera spell in exchange for his protection. Will they be able to get the Clair Bible before it lands in the wrong hands? Or, has the nightmare already begun… ?