26_Humiliating defeat

"WRAGH!"

Jimbo swung his club, striking the a skeleton and spilling his bones across the courtyard. The giant grimaced with a sense of futility as his enemy yet again began to reassemble himself, the bones rolling through the sand towards each other and quickly forming the familiar form of a skeleton wearing a spiked leather jacket.

The rest of his people were doing even worse than he was. They couldn't even scratch the skeletons. Swords, axes, hammers, nothing worked.

Oh they weren't fools, they had tried everything they could think of. Once Jimbo scattered one of the enemy, his crew tried separating the bones, hiding them, throwing them away, or crushing them.

After that failed, they brought ropes to bind each skeleton, hoping to hold them in place. It worked for a while, until they realized the enemy had been toying with them all along. The ropes were effortlessly cut by the skeletons’ inhuman strength. Then, with sudden flares of fire, the enemy burned the remains to ashes, leaving nothing behind.

Spraying them with water also had no effect, the surviving defenders didn't even manage to put a stain on their pristine leather jackets…

At last, Jimbo had had enough. He finally realized that once the raider general finished toying with them, they were all going to die. And the next time they opened their eyes would be to a raider blaster discharge, only for that to repeat over and over again.

"Run, run away, save yourselves! It is the only way!"

"I will hold them off."

"RUUUUN!!!" The giant desperately screamed at his stunned comrades. Then he recklessly charged at the wall of skeletons.

At first his people just stood there, unsure of what to do, but then one person began to slowly limp away, and another, then a few more, until all of the surviving defenders were fleeing away for their lives.

Only Beth stood still. If she had the strength to shout at the damned cowards, she would have. But all she could do now was keep her eyes open and try not to fall unconscious.

She made a single step forward, fully intending to die side by side with Jimbo. The man might have been a thick headed ape, but she had spend decades by his side. She would never abandon him, no matter what.

Another step… Her sword fell on the ground, she couldn't feel her arms anymore..

Another step… She fell on her knees, her legs betraying her.

Finally she collapsed, her eyes locked on the fighting form of her friend.

Then she saw something else, something she never expected to see…

“What the hell is the old geezer doing this time….”

And wit those final words, Beth finally closed here eyes, her body disintegrating into a vortex of pixels.

___

Herman wasn't sure about this, not at all. Yes he survived before, but for all he knew that might have been a fluke. Some weird exploit or bug caused by Slippy.

The more he thought, the more the confidence behind this supposedly clever idea of his began to waver. From a distance he watched the remaining worker gang members try one idea after another, each one failing miserably.

He supposed he could simply walk away... The raider general wasn't paying him any attention for the moment, and he planned to leave the camp in any case.

But he couldn't leave his work here unfinished. The worker gang still needed to overcome this final challenge. To gain their independence and show everyone that messing with them was a bad idea. Without that final piece, all of their work here would have been for nothing.

Not to mention that leaving now would doom every plant in the garden, big and small alike, to a fiery oblivion.

So despite his status of the camp black sheep, Herman resolved himself to give this his all.

Once the pile of fish grew big enough, Herman halted his summoning skill, grabbed a knife and joined the rest of the plants with the gruesome task.

This wasn't going to be pleasant…

___

Jimbo was surrounded by the skeleton raiders. Fallen to his knees, he futilely swung his remaining hand at the enemies around him. Each time he lashed out, a nearby skeleton blasted his arm with a gust of flame, until the limb went completely numb and hung limp at his side.

Jimbo wanted to scream with rage and frustration. It was all for nothing. Despite everything, he just wasn't strong enough.

The injured had long ago been turned to ashes, the ones who ran didn't do much better, as the 14 skeleton raiders were surprisingly agile and fast when they wanted to.

Their usual lazy hunched demeanor hid their true abilities well.

Jimbo just now considered that the enemy general might have been doing all of that on purpose. His carefree attitude, his seemingly hazy and drugged like look. It was all a ruse, and to think about it, unlike his sleeping raider companions, he never smelled the stench of alcohol on the skeletons clothes.

It is not like the skeleton needed these deceptions, his level was much stronger than everyone in the camp combined.

Either that, or Jimbo’s half conscious mind was placing way too much thought into his opponent…

In any case, it seemed that the general had had enough of playing around. There was not much fun in striking a helpless opponent. So now they/he would finish him off, then the rest of the raiders would capture their respawn booth and all would be lost.

And with that, the giant disintegrated in a torrent of fire.

___

Herman clutched the bucket like his life depended on it.

He was too late. Everyone was dead. This wasn't supposed to happen! In stories the hero always saved the princes in the nick of time. Slaying the dragon and then everyone in the kingdom lived happily ever after.

However, the princes in this case was the cloud of charred pixels belonging to Jimbo. And the dragon in question was not 1 but MANY undead fire skeletons. Or was it Beth? Regardless, the kingdom inhabitants were also all dead…

"Rustle rustle squeek."

Well, almost everyone. Herman turned his head back to see Heartsun and the other plants giving him their best approximations of thumbs up, from behind the safety of the nearby rubble.

Well that was somewhat motivating. Herman grimly thought…

"Oh a survivor." One of the skeletons said, nudging his other selves to turn around and see the elderly human and his mystery bucket.

Herman cursed the damnable plants and their rustling leaves. The element of surprise was now gone.

"Hey old duude, please hurry up and use whatever gimmick you have in mind." Said a skeleton

"Yeah, we got carried away a bit, and “Bella’s choice” Starts in 10 minutes." Said another.

Herman’s ears perked up at the sound of his favorite soap opera.

"You guys watch “Bella’s Choice”!?" He exclaimed with genuine surprise.

"Yea we do, you got a problem with that old dude?"

"Problem?! That show was the only thing that kept me sane during my days in the retirement home! I never missed an episode for 20 years!"

"Woow, a hardcore fan, you must be ancient as fuck." The skeletons spoke in unison.

"Hey, tell me what happened after episode 5481? The one where Bella caught Saul cheating with her sister." Herman curiously inquired.

"Ow maaan, you missed like, SO MUCH! Where do I even begin. The most unexpected thing was that…"

Herman reluctantly chose that moment to splash the contents of the bucket at the skeleton closest to him. While the vile concoction flew in the air, Herman couldn't help himself but internally scream at the missed opportunity to hear the priceless news about his favorite show…

He supposed there would be other opportunities to find out… sometime… maybe…

SPLASH!

"What the… Arghrghh!"

"Jesus fucking Christ dude, what the hell was in that bucket!?!?"

The skeleton’s protestations quickly got silenced by disgusting retching noises. All of the other skeleton raiders following the example of their injured brother, even if they weren't covered in the mysterious slimy liquid.

"BLuuuurgrghhhh!"

Each and every skeleton appeared to be violently vomiting on the ground, without anything actually comming out of their skeletal mouths. Then as one they began to hastily fumble their hands over their heads, the motions looking as if unstrapping various cables and straps. Finally with a synchronized lifting motion they all froze still.

For a while everything went silent, the cold night winds howled at the distance, the sounds of the burning barricades crackled around, and the stench of fish guts mixed with fertilizer assaulted Herman’s nose.

"Heh. I can't believe this actually worked…" Herman said, half laughing in disbelief.

"What happened, I can’t see, did we win? Hey Herman, tell me tell me." The overly curious digital slip demanded from inside Herman's pocket.

"Haha, hahahaha we sure did Slippy!" The man laughed.

"Actually not quite yet." Herman hurriedly added, stopping his dazed laughter, realizing that the real Scull_Crusher_15 might come back to life at any moment.

He grabbed his shovel and hurriedly proceeded to bash their skulls with it. The limp skeleton bodies giving no resistance whatsoever. One hit of the shovel was enough to convert each and every skeleton into a cloud of pixels.

"Pfew, NOW we won!" The man exclaimed with a smile.

"Yaaaay!" Slippy happily cheered.

"But how?" He then asked, the curiosity returning to his mind.

Well, the internet people are just ordinary humans using VR helmets. And I know for a fact that all newer models have incredible sense of vision, hearing, AND smell. So all I did was overload the real Scullcrusher’s senses back on Earth.

I am not quite sure how that gimmick of his works exactly, since all of the skeletons were his clones, or maybe puppets, not sure exactly. But I think it is safe to say that whoever operated them is now puking his guts back in the real world.

"Phahaha!" Herman again laughed to himself, a wild smile plastered on his face.

Now this is what he wanted all along. The trill of the challenge, the insurmountable problem, the brainstorming and eventual solution of said problem. Defeating the challenge with nothing more than your hard work and persistence.

Well, that summon fish skill isnt very fair… He had to admit that it is quite overpowered… Hell if he wanted to, he could flood this entire desert with fish and there is nothing that could stop him… He supposed he could refrain from using the skill in the fu….

"DIIIEEE!"

WHOOSH!

A skeleton survivor lunged from the nearby rubble, spewing flames from his mouth and grasping Herman’s throat.

The flames hit directly at his face, and the consequent inferno radiating from the maddened skeleton was hot enough to turn the surrounding sand into glass. Yet… Herman just stood there, completely unharmed, eyes wide with surprise.

"I..I don’t feel any of this…" He muttered quietly, his voice full with disappointment.

After a few more seconds of the Scull_Crusher_15 trying to choke him, Herman got tired of whatever the hell was happening. He casually grabbed the skull of Scullcrusher, then effortlessly crushed it with his bare hand, resulting in the raider’s entire body vaporizing into pixels.

Herman looked down at his hands with deep regret. This wasn't what he wanted… This wasn't what he wanted at all…

___

Meanwhile on top of the raider command hill.

"No no no! Dave what the fuck are you doing down there?!" Big_Chungus_88 shrieked at the complete disaster unfolding itself at the camp.

"Oh man… That old dude is hardcore!" Scull_Crusher_15, or otherwise known as “Dave” shook his head and rose from the ground. "I am fresh out of clones now."

"Yeah!? We kinda noticed you getting slaughtered down there. What the fuck happened!? We had this in the bag and then, and then…" Big_Chungus_88 pantomimed some weird wrestling moves with his hands.

"I don’t know Timmy, that old dude is insanely strong, like really much. He is smart too, I got our dorm room covered in vomit for a proof."

"Wait wait, OUR room?" Timmy said with rising sense of dread.

"Oh yeah man, sorry about that, you should probably log of and clean yourself, I might have spilled a bit of... stuff, on your body as well…"

"Oh dear god…" The raider leader said, his skin visibly paling at the mental image which was soon to be his reality. "Alright that is it for today. Tomorrow after school we are going to try again. Flufy_Pink_Unicorn_16 you are responsible for gathering the troops and preparing the celebratory feast for the upcoming attack tomorrow. If that is all, I will be logging off for today..." The raider leader blurted out in a hurry, his hands already fumbling in the air around his head, unstrapping the VR helmet restraints.

"Excuse me, TIMMY! But am I to understand that you intend to repeat the same insanely stupid tactic as today?"

Timmy hesitated at the unusually cold tone of his general.

"Well… yeah? Why not? We have to keep the men entertained after all. And I am sure that we can do better tomorrow. I will bring a super strong whiskey too, that will do the trick for sure."

"I see…" The girl muttered darkly, her teeth clenched as she spoke.

"In that case…"

The raider girl unstrapped her shock stick, and with a practiced motion shoved it directly at Timmy’s neck.

As soon as the raider leader fell down, she unstrapped the plasma pistol on her hip and blasted the fallen raider's head, it exploding like a ripe melon.

"Alright!" She said with a much more chipper tone.

"Now that that is done…"

"You there!"

Skullcrusher’s / Dave’s last clone, had barely realized that his boss and roommate was now a cloud of pixels. The entire thing had happened so fast that he had barely enough time to open his mouth in shock, let alone do anything else.

"Hey, hey!"

"Look at me, I am the captain now!"

"Tomorrow we are attacking the camp, MY WAY!"