30_Attack 2.0

Judiper Novikova, otherwise known as Flufy_Pink_Unicorn_16, and the current leader of the raider party, observed the battlefield below her.

Everything was going according to plan. There was no alcohol, no drugs and certainly no intoxicated raiders. No, this time things were very different. The raider rabble was now a proper army.

It was divided into neat, precise geometrical formations, each one serving an exact purpose, it complimenting the rest of the army in its own unique way.

There were the speedster cars. They were nothing more than a rough skeletal frame with 4 wheels and a jet engine attached to it. Plus a light plasma cannon welded to the front as some bizarre hood ornament. There wasn't a specific purpose or intelligent design behind the construction. Nothing besides them being “Cool as hell” according to her subordinates. Judiper however had seen past the decorative sculls and flame stickers.

The speedster cars were now her cavalry. She quickly separated them from the main force and formed two long rectangle formations, positioned on either side of the main army.

Then she proceeded to do the same with all unit types under her command. Soon enough each and every unit was separated into neat and orderly geometric figures.

The melee fighters were positioned into 15 separate rectangles in a line at the front of the army. Each one kneeling down to give the ranged units behind them a better view of the enemy.

And behind the ranged raiders stood the heavy artillery. Or at least what passed for artillery for the techno barbarian internet pirates.

Modified school busses decorated with the customary sculls and spikes, but also with a bigass metal tube capable of propelling explosive barrels. Each bus carried a huge supply of those, and they were the true force of her army.

Clumsy, with barely any maneuverability, the mad dax siege machines were going to be her ace card in the upcoming battle.

Behind and around them stood the bear-serker elites. They were given explicit orders to watch for sneak attacks and other acts of sabotage that might occur.

Judiper didn't want to leave anything to chance. She had suffered way too many defeats from the hands of her beloved grandpa, who loved this particular strategy.

Every time she was sure of victory, Herman had managed to pull some sort of trick and attack her forces from an unexpected angle.

She knew that he had played that particular strategy game for longer than she was alive, but still it irked her that despite all her special skills, the old man always managed to surprise her with something new.

Well, thanks to his teachings, she was now more than prepared for ANYTHING the enemy could throw at her…

…

"You’d better be prepared this time! I didn’t spend all those resources in funding that ragtag gaggle of rats you call an army, just for it to drink itself to death." The angry voice of their mysterious patron barked in her earcom.

"You will get what you paid for Mr Mayor, don’t you worry about that." The raider leader responded without loosing a beat from the sudden interruption.

"I see your reputation is well deserved Miss Unicorn." The modulated voice of their benefactor said, dropping his disguise and revealing his beastly half crab body in the right corner of her digital overlay.

"I do hope that unlike your predecessor, you will be more receptive to following my wishes. Otherwise I cannot guarantee your continued survival in any of the realms, virtual or not."

"I am to gather as many people alive, and lead them and my raiders to the main gates before the timer runs out. I am also tasked with repairing all respawn booths along the way and relocating the respawnees to the main gates before the timer runs out. Then we will be allowed to enter Generica without waiting in the queue.” Judiper’s emotionless voice droned out the quest conditions.

"I know what I am supposed to be doing, and I don’t need you or your threats to motivate me." The girl retorted to the beastly humanoid face of the Mayor.

And with that, she closed the connection.

She didn’t quite know what that creepy bastard was up to, but she sure as hell wouldn't do anything he wanted. Something bad was happening at the gates, and for whatever reason the Mayor wanted as many “living” bodies there as possible. If that wasn't a red flag she didn’t know what was…

What was stranger though, was that previously the Mayor had hired all of them + allot of other internet pirate gangs in order to organize the bombardment of the firewalls. Which in turn caused the shanty town of the queue to get destroyed, along with almost all of its inhabitants. If he wanted more living people, then why did he order their execution in the first place?

That Mayor character was shady as fuck. How had that moron Timmy agreed to this NEW deal was beyond her. Though, she supposed he didn’t intend to exactly follow the Mayor’s orders either…

In any case, she wasn't scared of the creepy crab or his theatrics. She had seen far scarier people than him in her life, and compared to that he was small fry. Still, it didn’t hurt to be prepared…

She once again gazed at the army under her command. Her troops were strong and well organized, her tactics were sound. There was no point in delaying any longer.

"Everyone!"

"Advance!"

Flufy_Pink_Unicorn_16 commanded from a throne of plastic skulls and bargain Halloween decorations set atop her command truck.

The troops immediately obeyed and began to slowly move forward as well oiled machines. Each separate rectangle slowly advanced forward, while keeping their overall formation with the rest of the army. The trek was as fast as their slowest unit, that being the siege busses, but that was ok, they weren’t in a hurry, they had all the time in the world.

___

"Now is our time to get out of here!" Staple said for the umpteenth time.

"Well I told you already, if you want to go I am not stopping you." Herman replied, getting a bit annoyed from this conversation as well.

"What do you take me for? I can't just abandon you and Slippy here." Staple said in indignation.

"You aren’t abandoning anyone, I told you that we won't actually get hurt if we die. Me and Slippy will respawn almost immediately, I made sure of that, plus it seems we don’t experience any pain, so we are fine. Why am I even explaining, you already know this." Herman said with a tinge of frustration, though after seeing that the bot was still hesitant, he tried once again to explain.

"Staple, listen… I know you have no sympathy for these people. They have treated you like a slave and I don’t blame you for hating them. But things aren’t so simple. Yes they are irredeemable racists… But at the same time they are hard working ordinary people, all they want is a good life, away from fear and pain."

…

"You just want to complete the challenge don’t you?" The bot finally said in a deadpan voice.

Herman met her accusing gaze with one of his own. For a while both beings said nothing as a silent battle of wills was fought.

"Ohhh alright yes fine, I do want to complete this challenge. It is the final boss fight! It is going to be a cool adventure. We will have to overcome challenges and improve, adapt. That is exactly why I wanted to retire here."

"Yaay adventure!" Slippy cheered, fully approving his friend’s priorities.

Staple stared him for a few more seconds, then spoke. "How old are you?" She said with accusing tone. "You are more than a century old and you are acting like a little kid."

"Pff." Herman sagely retorted, waving one hand in dismissal. “I just like to challenge myself, that’s all. Plus all my previous points are still valid. I do want to help these people out. I don’t want to see them ending up as XP farms. After this battle they will be high enough leveled to care for themselves.”

“And also don’t you tell me that you don’t like challenges too. I saw the way you looked during our gaming night. You loved the trill of the challenge as much as I did.”

"Well… maybe a little…" The bot reluctantly answered.

Seeing a weakness in the mechanoid’s defences, Herman pressed the attack. "Think of it this way, if you don’t want to help the worker gang, that’s fine, but you would be missing out on fighting the internet pirates. Think of all the missed opportunities to test and improve your assassin skills."

Staple shot the sneaky human an irritated glare, fully realizing what he was doing, and yet unable to resist the chance of testing her skills. She has been out of action for quite a while, and it would be a good opportunity to practice her abilities.

"Urgh, fine I am staying! But you will owe me a favor for this." The bot relented.

"Yaay adventure!" Slippy cheerfully added.

"A favor?" Herman asked wearily.

"After the attack, you two will help me visit Topo at the gate guard station. I am sure he could take care for himself, but it has been a while and he hasn't came back yet. It is not like any of us can truly die here, but still I am starting to worry."

"I would be glad to help out, favor or not." Herman said with a serious look.

"Me too me too!" Slippy said with excitement. "And after we meet him ,maybe he could teach me how to grow a mustache like his. I hear having a mustache makes you more manly and strong." The digital slip added.

Thump thump thump.

“Huh, did anyone heard that?” Herman said, as he and the others from the camp looked around in confusion for the source of the noise. Then Herman had the sense to look up. And just in time for him to see the 3 flaming barrels slam directly at his face.

___

Herman wasn't having a good day… no, not at all…

It was raining fire, or fire barrels if we have to be exact…

Everyone was currently hiding inside the inn, the people and plants being packed like sardines in the small space. Ordinarily everyone wouldn't be able to enter, but Herman had used his Super Duper Legendary privileges and unlocked each and every room in the inn, allowing more people to fit inside.

However that wasn't what had the elderly human so conflicted. He was currently taking a stroll in the courtyard, in the flaming courtyard…

Rusty barrels full with machine oil kept falling from the sky, some even hitting him directly. And yet… he felt none of it… It was as if he and Slippy were taking an evening stroll through the park. Hell, even the smoke didn’t make him uncomfortable, his breathing was just as steady and healthy as ever.

BOOM!

Yet another projectile collided with his face…

This was ridiculous… "Hey Slippy, can you… I don’t know, tone down the effects of this super duper whatever package? Or better yet, shut it down entirely? I understand that Radek wanted to make me feel comfortable here, but this is insane. It’s like I am playing with full set of cheats…"

"Hmm… I don’t think you can get rid of these things." Slippy answered contemplatively.

"You mean other people have those too?!" Herman exclaimed in shock.

"Well yes, lots of people do, of course no one I have heard of has such big package."

Herman grimaced at the alternate meaning of that statement, but chose to ignore it for now. No sense if opening that Pandora’s box with the impressionable young AI.

"So what do others have then?" He asked.

Boommm! Another barrel collision with Herman’s head.

"Well, usually they have a single skill or quality enhanced. Like strength, speed or beauty, stuff like that. But what you have seems to be an all in one package." Slippy explained.

"So what, I am one of those overpowered story characters that have all the powers at once!?" Herman said, a tinge oh horror in his voice.

"Well not quite, you still have to level up like the rest of the players, but you get to do that much faster and easier. For example just for having this conversation you gained bunch of levels in speech."

"What!? But we were just talking for a minute or so."

"Yeah, and you have gained 10 levels already. Do you want me to show you your complete status? It is going to take a while though, you have ALLOT of skills, bonuses and other stuff in there. Not to mention the constant fire resist level up notifications I have been blocking at the moment."

"Eh… Not now… I always disliked those stories which chanted random skills and numbers for 10 minutes every chapter." Herman said.

"You can’t run away from the data forever, sooner or later you will have to face the numbers. Or at least that is what my Mom used to say." Slippy said.

"Sigh… I will check it out later, I promise, just… not now… let's concentrate on finding a way to turn off this damn curse."

"What curse?" The slip asked.

"The package, the SUPER DUPER LEGENDARY backers package." Herman said with frustration. "Now I understand that old saying: "Suffering from success"”. The old man said with a gloomy expression as he fished out the small fish figurine from his pocket and activated it.

___

Judiper wasn't having a good day… no, not at all…

It was raining fire, or fire barrels if we have to be exact…

Instead of being instantly turned to pixels though, the enemy was currently hiding inside the inn embedded in the wall. Thanks to its location it took advantage of the walls defences and thus her enemy remained unharmed.

She had done her research and considered this possibility. However she also knew how expensive those inn rooms were. And she never suspected that the enemy could afford even 1 of the overpriced rooms, let alone all of them.

Ah well, it is said that no plan survives first contact with the enemy. It was just a minor setback, that’s all.

What irked her though, was the old man standing in the middle of the enemy courtyard, completely ignoring her attacks and sprinkling water from a tiny fish figurine at the burning garden fields, as if he was in his back yard watering his carrots…

What the hell was the deal with that dude!? She knew he was one of the enemy generals. She had seen him during the previous raider meeting. But she took him for a government plant/informant.

He had the typical appearance and mannerisms of one at least. Now though, she began to reconsider the man’s position in the camp hierarchy. That one was much stronger than he appeared, and on top of that he was mocking her abilities.

Judiper felt herself grip the armrest of her plastic throne. No, she couldn’t let pride lead her decisions. She was a strategist at heart, a cool and open mind were crucial for a successful operation.

With a flicker of her wrist she commanded the artillery fire’s end. It wasn't doing much at this point and they were almost out of ammo anyway.

It was time for more "on hands" approach.

"Everyone, advance!“

“Formation Perkotus 5!"