36_Dongle

Numbers, the numbers, they kept whispering their boring secrets to him. He didn't want to listen, yet they kept on, uncaring of his desires.

Congratulations bla bla bla.

Congratulations you have gained lalala.

The whispers gained in strength and intensity, speaking over each other in a cacophony of voices and text windows, each one desperate for his attention.

Congratulations COngGraTulllAtions congratulations CONGratulations!

Congrutulations congrats congratulationsns congraTuTulationsssssssssssss!!!

"AAAAAAAAH!"

Herman woke with a shout, drenched in sweat, horror etched across his face.

"No more popups, NO MORE!" The man shouted, unsure if this was part of the nightmare or reality.

"Wow there, you okay Herman?" Said the demonic raven creature engulfed in rushing green flames. It offered one flaming hand, then quickly pulled it back as if just realizing it was covered in angry flames.

Instead of being frightened, the old man just slumped back in relief. "Oh thank Cuthulu it’s you Polya..."

"Huh, I expected a stronger reaction at my current predicament than that." The flaming necromancer said with disapointment.

"Oh you have no idea what I just went through. Believe me, compared to that you are more akin to a cute fuzzy moth that went a bit too close to a camp fire, than anything else."

"Moth!?" Polya exclaimed with equal parts confusion and offense.

"Well you certainly are no butterfly, that’s for sure." The man said, looking at the metallic armor suit adorned with spikes and jagged edges, not to mention covered in angry necromantic flames.

"You really don’t know how to talk to women, do you…" Polya said, with a shake of her head.

"What? Moths are nice. They are soft and woolly and have pretty wing patterns." The man said, rising on his feet and further digging his metaphorical grave.

Fortunately or not, depending on the viewpoint, Herman was interrupted from further confusing/insulting his friend, by his familiar enemy, who has not let the elderly human off the hook.

COOOOONGRATULATIONS!!!

You have gained the title of Master meditation expert (unique LEGENDARY) You have spend X amount of time in altered mental state.

+ 25 to mental

+ 45 to…..

"AAaalalalal I dont care I dont care!" The old man protested, clawing at his face to chase away the demonic notification.

"Amm, Herman, you sure you aren’t possessed by a techno demon?" Polya hesitantly said, conspiratorially nudging her necromancer staff to point at the man, and trying to disguise the action as nothing too suspicious.

"Urgh… It’s much worse! It’s the System… It keeps plaguing me with endless popups and notifications of STUFF and and EVERYTHING else I have ever done!"

Congratulations you have gained 5xp in speach.

Congratulations you have gained a new skill! Rarity Extremely rare, legend…

"Aaaaa shut up shut up shut up!" Herman shouted, waving his hands ineffectually at the air in front his face. After the popups and voices subsided, Herman looked at the flaming woman with narrowed eyes. "Oh stop that, will you! I am not possessed. I got resistance to nanoid infestation. You can stop drawing that demonic circle around me. Not that it would help against nanoids…"

"Oh it helps, they might be mechanical abominations, but they are also digital now. So the rules of the System apply. Now strip!"

"Excuse me?" Herman exclaimed, startled by the bizarre demand.

"I said strip!" The woman demanded, her voice distorted from inside her armor and the rushing flames covering her.

"Your clothes, take them off."

"ALL OF THEM!"

___

Congratulations, new title unlocked, Nudist.

The nudist might not be a widely accepted activity, but hey you do you. Certainly no one would accuse you of being an old pervert while parading your assets walking across the world.

"Sighh… A snarky System, how fucking original… What is next, a pixie helper companion that only I can see which guides me through the quirks of the System… Generica indeed…" The old man half mused half complained as he sat on a wooden crate, watching the remains of his nanoid infested clothes burn inside the demonic circle.

Every now and again grotesque ghostly forms burst out from the clothes and struck the invisible magic shielding around the circle, further proving the necromancer’s point that his clothes had to go. He just wished that… well, that he wasn't buck naked!

"Hiss flutter flutter! Grr!"

"I told you I am not standing up while she is around." Herman protested.

"I am not looking I promise." The woman in question cheerfully chirped from next to the burning demonic circle. The necromancer waved her hands this way and that, weaving complex arrays of scripts and hurling them at the trashing nanoid ghosts inside the circle.

“Snarl grr!” Heartsun complained, poking the nudist again so measurements could be taken for his new attire.

"Ugh, fine fine! I am standing up, stop growling at me." The man relented.

The sunflower ceased his attacks and stepped back so the human can get behind the safety of the wooden crate.

The gigantic visage of the plant was no more, during their previous confrontation, he had suffered numerous hits from the nano bolts and toad tongue stings. The nanoids proved super effective at chewing through the fragile biological matter, so Heartsun was forced to molt several layers from his "skin" and leaves, all of which were currently burning along Herman’s clothes.

So needless to say that the sunflower chieftain was a bit grumpy at losing nearly 80% of his body mass. And the human was complaining about losing a thin layer of clothes…

"Since when did you became a tailor?" Herman asked as the sunflower carefully took his measurements.

"Snarl hiss, rustle rustle."

"Huh, I never knew that about you. You know, we haven't actually talked that much. Every time there was one emergency or another, and there was never enough time to just relax."

"Rustle rustle." The plant replied. Which Herman took as a sign for him to continue rambling.

"Once all this is over, we should have a night out or something, maybe another game night?"

"Rustle rustle."

"Oh you are done. And how will you make the clothes? You don’t exactly have much biomass to work with. I don’t want to damage you for the sake of my decency."

"Rustle shake squeak." And with that, the plant chieftain and wannabe tailor plucked a single leaf from his back, then handed it over to the nudist.

"That’s it!? All those measurements and you expect me to wear one leaf?! Where exactly am I even supposed to…" Herman started, but then paused as he saw the direction the sunflower was looking at.

"And how exactly am I supposed to keep that there? No no, this won't work, if anything a single leaf won't be enough to cover… all that…." The man complained.

Heartsun just shook his head and walked off, his job now complete.

As he turned around to leave though, Herman saw something gleaming from the leafy back of the mutated plant. The leaf he had just handed off, revealing a damaged mechanoid head hiding beneath the canopy.

___

"She is still alive, her eyes are glowing!" Polya said excitedly, her voice full with hope.

"You sure you are done with the torch cosplay?" Herman absentmindedly asked, as he tried to pry the back panel of Staple’s head off.

"Oh yeah, even the nanoid critters wouldn't be able to survive for long under direct necromantic fire. It’s good that I had that feature embedded in my armor. I primarily used it for self cleaning, but it proved quite useful with eradicating the little critters."

"Just be sure you got all of them, even a single remaining one could cause havoc if left to its own devices for too long." Herman said as he finally pried the panel off with a loud clink.

"Owwkay… now what do we have here…." He mumbled.

"Hey hey, stay at your side of the box, I am still exposed here." The nudist said with panic as Polya leaned closer as to see what he was doing.

"Oh come on, I am not interested in whatever you are hiding over there. Plus in modern times allot of people don’t consider nudity as such a taboo." Polya reasonably said.

"Oh yeah, and that coming from the person clad in full body armor with a cape, helmet and a staff. If anything you have clothes for a whole adventuring party… Are you sure you wouldn't be willing to part away with your cape, it will more than…"

"Absolutely not! The cape is a vital part of the overall design of my visage as a super hero." The woman replied without even a hint of compassion for the man’s predicament.

"Heartsun shed parts of his body in order to try and clothe me." Herman retorted, brandishing the single leaf the chieftain had provided. "Surely you are capable of parting away with a piece of easily replaceable cloth."

"Don’t we have bigger things to worry about than stealing my cape?" Polya said, not so subtly trying to change the topic.

"Argh fine fine! let's see now…" Herman surrendered and carefully looked inside the small head compartment…

Slowly, he tried to nudge the small display screen inside the compartment to life.

ZZAP!

"Gah!"

+ 5 electric damage

+ 0.2 electric resistance.

After his vision cleared from the System prompt, he saw a digital message on the display screen inside Staple’s head compartment.

"Warning, stay the fuck off!" The message read.

"Well that’s not good…" Herman muttered.

"What, what happened?" Polya said with concern, her and Heartsun leaning over the crate to better see what was happening.

"Well… It seems our friend Staple was paranoid enough to install defences inside her own scull… Which is both good and bad.”

“Good since she had the foresight to prepare for attackers, and she might actually be able to deal with the nanoid virus inside her head."

"And bad because if I can’t get access to her settings, I wouldn't be able to help her out with fighting the corruption."

"Can’t you do anything else? Aren’t you supposed to be some sort of techno shaman or something." Polya said with concern.

"A nano tinkerer." Herman corrected. "Meaning, I can do allot of things to wrangle down nanoids. But these are hardly the best of conditions for such delicate work. I have no lab equipment, no tools, and not even clothes…"

"Hmm… Maybe there is something here that could help us out." Herman mused, only now paying more attention to their surroundings.

They were inside a semi dark tunnel, no doubt made by the mysterious smugglers everyone kept hearing about. The construction seemed crude but sturdy, with wooden support beams spread equidistantly apart along with combination of mana crystals and electrical wires serving as lighting.

The hatch where they entered, was apparently somewhere behind them and entirely destroyed, as his two companions had dragged him away from the explosion and collapsing tunnel.

Currently they were inside a section filled with wooden crates of various sizes, neatly stacked around the corridors. There were also several other passages leading away from them.

A few signs with directions were displayed, the most prominent of which led past the wall and into the world of Generica. Unfortunately though, that particular tunnel section was also collapsed, making the option of simply crossing the border a no go.

"Alright, here is the plan. You two go and search the crates for anything that I could use to help Staple. Tools, wires, metal junk, anything and everything that you think would do.”

“Meanwhile… I will be raising my electrical resistance…"

___

Zzap!

+ 5 electric damage.

+ 0.2 electric resistance.

Zzap!

+ 5 electric damage.

+ 0.2 electric resistance.

Zzap!

+ 5 electric damage.

+ 0.2 electric resistance.

Congratulation you have gained minor shock resistance!

"Finally!" Herman said, his fingers feeling entirely numb from the constant electric shock the mechanical head was inflicting him with.

Zzap!

This time there were no damage or resistance notifications. Instead a message colored in blood red greeted him.

"Whoever the fuck you are, you have been warned. Put the panel back, or…"

"Self destruct activated."

"10"

"9"

"8"

"Fuck fuck fuck!" Herman cursed as he hastily tried putting the panel back, but his sausage red numb fingers refused to fully obey his commands, having been electrocuted one times too many, they were currently on strike, and no amount of coercing would convince them to do their damn job.

"5"

"4"

"3"

"Help! Polya Heartsun!" The man shouted, desperately gripping the metal panel with his teeth and clumsily trying to place it back in place.

"2"

"1"

Click…

"Oh thank god…" Herman exclaimed with relief, as in the last possible second the agile vines of his plant companion took the panel and set it back on its place with a satisfying click.

"Rustle?" The sunflower tilted his head at the human who clutched his rapidly beating chest.

"Staple you paranoid woman, who the hell puts a bomb inside their own head!?" Herman accused.

"Herman you perverted man, why are you naked, and why am I looking at your dongle!?" The disembodied head of the mechanoid said.

"My husband is going to hear of this!"