[BOOK 2] 50_Rats

"Oh, hello there young man, I didn't see you there. Come come, don't be shy, I don't bite..." said the round form of the elderly mechanoid.

Granny Qbita was one of the oldest functioning mechanoids Herman had ever seen. Even during his childhood, her particular model would have been considered ancient. Resembling a large metal sphere with a head and two arms, she rolled through her cluttered kitchen with surprising grace, skillfully avoiding obstacles despite her round, shapely physique.

"Hello there Mrs. Q..."

Herman fell silent mid-sentence as the mechanoid's once kindly, grandmotherly form hardened, fixing him with a piercing gaze. One so powerful that Herman suddenly found himself back in his home village more than a century ago, caught red-handed with a hand in the forbidden cookie jar.

The vision quickly passed, and Herman awkwardly scrambled to correct his grave error. "Oh am excuse me, I mean to say, Lady. Yes, yes, Lady Qbita. I came here to help, I, am, saw your post in the adventuring guild and thought I could, you know, help out."

Herman gracefully fumbled through the apology, mentally cursing himself for not remembering the warnings the guild secretary had given him. It appeared that Granny Qbita was exceptionally sensitive about her age, and, most importantly, about her lack of romantic success during her many, many years of life.

That was precisely why the quest was marked with triple red skulls at the top of the parchment. Many would-be adventurers have tried to converse with the old lady and complete her quest, but none have been spared the elderly bot's wrath.

"Oh, it's okay, dearie, no need to apologize. By now the whole Fencetown has learned of my age and romantic inadequacies there is no need to blame you for my mistakes," the bulky spherical mechanoid said with a reasonable voice, utterly unlike the mental profile with which the adventuring guild had portrayed her.

"Here, take some of my freshly baked cookies as an apology for my rudeness: chocolate crisp with no extra metadata or drivers." The bot offered.

Herman let out a deep mental sigh... It was happening again. The curse of success was still in full effect. He should have been dead by now. Granny Q... LADY, Qbita was a level 100 regional boss elite! She was the de facto leader of Fencetown and the surrounding area, a secretive grandmotherly figure on the outside, but a spymaster and unmatched puppeteer on the inside, pulling the strings behind the scenes.

And yet... AND YET, Herman was still alive and well, enjoying the surprisingly delicious digital cookies of the apparently friendly bot...

"Heh, you were right, Lady Qbita, I can really sense the lack of metadata or extra drivers," Herman said between bites, genuinely enjoying the treats and momentarily forgetting about his problems.

"Pha, metadata or not, you'd better slow down on eating those, or you'd end up as round and fat as that grandma bot over there," said a chipper young voice coming from the human's shirt pocket.

Herman froze in place, involuntarily dropping the cookie, his eyes wide as a deer in headlights.

"Nyegh!" Slippy grunted as he managed to snatch the falling cookie with his tiny stick-man arms.

"CHOMP! Nom nom!" The rude digital slip happily munched while he attacked the delicious cookie, akin to a lion striking a gazelle.

Meanwhile, the "fat" region boss elite was turning all different shades of red, presumably in rage at the insensitive young AI's comment.

Before Herman could try to appease or run away, something unexpected happened. The mechanoid's colors quickly settled to her usual metallic hue, and as if a switch were flipped, her frown turned into a cheerful smile.

"Oh, aren't you a cute one, you little rascal!" the bot said as she rolled forward toward the unsuspecting youngling and affectionately ruffled the top of his head.

"U, uuu, a little to the left, left, aaargh... that's the spot." Slippy exclaimed in delight as the tiny scratches reached his back, the only spot his stick-man hands couldn't reach on their own.

"Am, khem, I, I am terribly sorry for my young charge's behavior, Lady Qbita. I assure you he didn't mean to insult you in any way," Herman said.

"You mean he didn't mean to say that I am fat!" the round bot replied with a sharp tone, making the human freeze in fright once again.

"Haha, the honesty of children. Your young companion is quite correct, in more ways than one. My drive system is still operating on FAT32, and I am quite aware of my own weight. So you see, Slippy here has insulted both my age and size."

"Quite the verbal jab, young one, though perhaps you should be more wary of your friend Herman here. A few more of these remarks and you just might give him a heart attack," the elderly bot said with a warm, grandmotherly voice.

Herman noticed the cunning bot was well aware of both their names in advance. Perhaps that was the reason for her unusual behavior?

He honestly didn't know which one was worse: the System granting him effortless success because of his Super Duper Legendary class, or the fact that this deceitful old grandma most probably had some political schemes in mind for them. Either way, they'd better do the quest they initially came here for and get out before anything else happened. Judging by what he had seen so far, the quest was as good as completed already, so getting out of here wouldn't take long.

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Quest description: Visit Granny Qbita and eradicate the rat infestation in her kitchen basement.

Conditions: Slay 10 rats.

Reward: Super Duper Legendary.

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"Oh, the cellar, it's over there, let me show you," the mechanical grandma said after Herman politely veered the conversation back on track.

"The little critters have been terrorizing me for a few days already, usually they come and go after a few days, but ever since "someone" decided to destroy Generica's walls and let all the human refugees and techno-demons alike into my beautiful city, the rats have been unusually unruly," Granny Qbita said, putting special emphasis on the "someone" and looking Herman directly in the eyes.

Herman sensed her gaze on him, but adamantly refused to meet it in favor of eyeing the wooden hatch leading to the cellar below. He absentmindedly wondered what the depths of the basement might contain. After all, the grandma was supposed to be a spy master and a raid boss. Perhaps there were old skeletons chained to the walls, accompanied by the whispers of their ghosts haunting the depths below?

Or perhaps it was just rats and old jars of marmalade... Regardless of which, Herman puffed up his chest and addressed the mistress of the house.

"Don't you worry Ma'am, even if those scrawny rats have intermingled with the fauna of the internet, the pests stand no chance against us," Herman said with fake bravado.

"Oh, thank you so much, young man, and you too, little rascal. I knew I could count on you two," Qbita said, ruffling Slippy's head once again.

And with that, the hatch was opened and the two rat exterminators plunged into the depths below.

___

"Cheese cheese cheese!"

"He who controls the cheese controls the universe!

"Weghehehe!"

The gaggle of techno-demon imps cackled, swinging around the old, dusty cellar shelves akin to demonic monkeys, all the while speaking gibberish and hurling ancient memes at the intruders. The fragile JPEG imagery collided with the duo of adventurers, gaining a foothold inside their minds and proceeding to spread the viruses hidden within the old file format.

While that was happening, a swarm of definitely more than 10 rats, swarmed across the floor, rapidly heading for the stunned human. The mass of tiny bodies moved as a single entity, driven by their techno-demon masters, to nip at Herman's feet and try to chew through to the tasty toes beneath his shoes.

"Gah!" Herman cried out as his shoes were quickly turned to shreds by the infected critters.

Speaking of infections, Herman's digital overlay was quickly flooding with ancient meme imagery. Some of them were admittedly quite funny, however all of them were glitching in and out of existence, a sign of their corrupt nature.

Some of them had already broken through his outer-layer defenses and managed to change his time and date settings.

Driven by their initial success, the corrupted memes eagerly dug deeper into Herman's core consciousness. The images, no longer appearing as friendly memes, but showing their true colors as techno worms. They wriggled their digital bodies at the edges of his overlay as if sensing that the tasty data core was within reach.

"Slippy, I think now is the time, just as we practiced." Herman said with a calm, steady voice, ignoring the nipping rats, cackling techno demons, and wriggling worms.

"Executing formation Perkotus 5!" Slippy said with unusual seriousness, his tiny digital face locked in an intense frown of concentration.

In a blink of an eye, Herman's digital overlay shifted, revealing a new scene: a vast expanse of cold metal. Sharp, curved triangular towers rose at equal distances from one another, forming a rigid grid. Each loomed ominously over the confused techno worms, who were only now realizing they had been lured into an illusion, a trap crafted specifically for vile beings such as themselves.

Before they could react, the towers began to pulsate. Red lights at their peaks throbbed, releasing waves of ominous energy. Then, without warning, the energy surged downward. As it reached the ground, the red glow turned white, colliding with the ground and flash-freezing everything in an instant.

The worms stood frozen, motionless, but still alive. Then the towers pulsed once again. This time, the white light rose from the ground upward, shifting back into red. The violent shift in temperature shattered the frozen worms, reducing them to clouds of pixels that scattered into the air of Slippy's soul space.

"I did it, Herman, I did it! It actually worked!" The exhausted, yet excited Slippy chirped with childlike enthusiasm. All the subjective weeks of practice inside his soul space finally bearing fruit.

"Good job my young disciple, I am proud of you!" Herman said with a proud parental nod. He was enormously relieved that the young AI had taken his cybersecurity lessons to heart. He didn't want to see the baby AI suffer at the hands of anyone else ever again. And what better way to ensure that than to teach him how to protect himself?

"Kyaaaaaghhhh!"

The techno demons screamed in agony, falling from the shelves to the ground, clutching their heads at the mental backlash of their minions' demise. This in turn gave Herman time to finally catch up to them and effortlessly convert them into pixel clouds with his bare hands, squashing the imps between his palms as if hunting mosquitoes.

That left only the rat swarm, which despite their best efforts hadn't managed to harm Herman or Slippy in any way. The only damage being to his clothes, which now appeared as nothing more than rags.

That being said, catching each one and dealing with them proved far easier said than done. The rats, much like their fallen masters, writhed in pain on the ground, yet unlike them, they scattered in all directions. They climbed the walls, toppled marmalade jars, and skittered wildly across every possible surface. Dust billowed into the air as the old basement descended into a whirling storm of debris and motion.

As the dust particles entered Herman's lungs, he received a System notification.

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Warning: You have been infected by: "THE PLAGUE"

- 350 hp each second

- 250 to vitality

- 400 to charisma

... Slash!

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The message was expertly slashed into pieces by Slippy, before it could continue droning more of its secrets.

"Huh, that sounds ominous. Something named only as "THE PLAGUE" doesn't feel optimistic at all," Herman said.

"Oh oh, Slippy, I think I feel a little tingly," Herman said, with a hint of excitement, stretching his fingers as if to make sure he wasn't imagining the effects. Before the human could celebrate more though, he received a new message.

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Congratulations! You have gained a new skill: LEGENDARY!

"THE PLAGUE" Immunity!

Effects: You are now completely immune to: "THE PLAGUE"

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"Oh, of course, but OF COURSE! Because God forbid I actually get hurt! Why don't you just leave me alone! I just want to play the game, is it that hard to ask?! Is it?!" Herman shouted at the ceiling, ignoring the panicking rats and the cloud of dust all around him.

Herman was upset, no he was beyond that, he was furious! All he wanted was to have a decent adventure, maybe gain an achievement or two for his hard work. But nooo, the goddamned System had to poke its nosy nose in his business yet again.

He would show it who was boss though. He, he...

"A...AAA...AAAAA CHOOOO!"

BOOOM!!!

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Congratulations! Quest complete: 157 infected rats slain.

Congratulations! Bonus quest complete: 37 techno worms slain.

Congratulations! Bonus quest complete: 15 techno demon imps slain.

+ 9million xp!

+90 free skill points!

COOOOOONGRATULATIONSSS!!! Raid boss Qbita slain....

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