57_Creative solutions

The human fidgeted this way and that on his comfy chair. Now that he had fully awakened from his vegetative state, small irritations of life began to assault his conscious mind, yet he still stubbornly clung to the memory of eternal comfort and convenience.

"Hey, hey you there, can you please bring me something to eat, I am starving."

Lisa's compassion and hospitality instincts kicked in, and she immediately tried to help the human with his simple request. Or tried to anyway...

She was currently tied up with a piece of pastel-colored silk curtain to a wooden chair. The rest of her sisters and Herman held her tightly just in case Lisa managed to break through the restraints.

"Hey, I see you bunch over there! Bring me something to eat, I am in the mood for salted duck with lemons."

"Salted duck... lemons..." Lumba the cooking expert sister muttered. She had been itching to try something new in the kitchen for a while. As if by magic, she felt herself glide towards the nearby kitchen, her mind already full with ideas of how to prepare the exotic meal the human needed.

"Get her!" Herman shouted, causing the rest of the sisters to tackle Lumba down and tie her up to yet another chair, right next to the fidgeting Lisa.

"Argh, FINE! I will get my own food then! You are getting a 0.5-star review from me though." The grouchy human barked from his chair as he prepared to make his first steps in decades.

...

"Look, look, isn't he cute?" Lira said.

"He is thinking about it." Lela added.

"He is really going to do it, isn't he?" Lux exclaimed.

"His first steps!" Lyxa squeaked with excitement.

The remaining sisters cooed from a safe distance away from the grouchy human.

Hesitant, reluctant, cautious, and veeeery very slowly, the human shakily rose to his feet. Herman winced at the sharp cracking noises that came out of the human's knees, akin to dry branches snapping.

"Argrghhhh..." The human moaned, causing the two tied-up sisters to let out muffled cries of their own, redoubling their efforts to get free and aid the frail human.

"God dammit, where is my cane? I can't walk without a cane!"

"I DEMAND you bring my cane back here this instant!" Grouchy demanded as a spoiled child.

Herman wondered about that for a while. It wasn't an unreasonable request; the human did look ancient, his skeletal feet appearing atrophied and barely able to support their owner. He almost went on to help, but stopped himself in the last moment.

They were all digital here, and old age had no sway over them anymore. It was all in Grouchy's head. He could walk or run an Olympic race if he just believed that he could.

"Here you go, sir." Lira said as she offered a polished, shiny mahogany cane to the human.

"Ah, finally some hospitality around here!" Grouchy said, raising one arm to take the gift.

"GET HER!" Herman barked.

...

A few minutes later, Lira sat on a wooden chair, tied and gagged just as the other two of her sisters.

"Hrgrghmmm..." Herman growled lowly as he examined the situation. Grouchy hasn't even made his second step yet, and they were down three sisters already. Hell, even he got tempted to help.

Herman shook his head and examined the sisters again. During the short time he had spent here, he had learned much about the six sisters. The ones who were currently free all looked at him with various emotions. While the other three tried to break through their restraints and help Grouchy with whatever they could.

Lela, the fighter, was a strong individual, a martial expert, and adventuring specialist. Yet she insisted on facing all the opponents on her own, treating the humans as fragile babies, unwilling to expose them to any danger at all.

Lux, the programmer, had immense passion for games in particular. Yet she had fallen to the most common pitfall developers tend to make: trying to appease everyone.

She had abandoned her vision of complex and engaging games in favor of making something so easy and simple that would be liked by everyone. Yet by doing so, it destroyed the desire for the human mind to advance and overcome challenges. The appeal of instant success and gratification was a dangerous thing, the proof being that damnable melon clicker game that had rotted the minds of everyone here.

Lyxa, the philosopher, had immense curiosity for the world, questioning everything, and analyzing the why of things, never taking anything for granted. Yet she advocated that comfort was the ultimate achievement for all living beings. And while that was true in a way, Herman had grown to realize that the important thing was not achieving perfection, but the endless pursuit of it was the key to driving a person forward.

Lira, the musician, and Lumba, the chef, had the same pitfalls as the rest. They created such expertly crafted music and food that the humans didn't even think of leaving the comfort of the retirement home.

And finally there was Lisa. Lisa, the founding member of this retirement home, was the worst case here. The woman had compassion in spades, and she was their hospitality expert. But she just couldn't say no to anyone in need. And by doing so, she was actually causing harm through her eagerness to help.

"Alright, listen up!" Herman commanded, his voice firm and resolute, akin to a general addressing his army at the eve of battle.

"I admire what all of you are trying to do here, I really do. I honestly wish there were more people like you in the world. If people had even a fraction of your compassion, the world would have been a much better place."

"That being said, nothing in its extreme is healthy. Yes, humans like comfort and an easy life, but we just aren't designed to live in an absolute paradise. Yes, conveniences are good, but not to the extremes you girls have made them in this artificial paradise of yours."

"You have to learn to say no on occasion. A human wants you to bring him his slippers? Tell him to get them himself. Someone demands salted pork? Offer them to go hunt the boar together and then cook it as a team. That is what life is all about, overcoming challenges, both great and small."

"Only through the pursuit of happiness, humans can advance forward and prosper. If we stay still, we stagnate." Herman concluded. The speech wasn't of the best, but he thought he brought the main point across nicely.

"Oh, thank you, my dear, would you also bring me my slippers and a warm blanket? It's a bit chilly in here." Grouchy said from the comfort of his chair, accepting the new gaming tablet from Lux, while Lela and Lyxa massaged the human's sore feet.

"God dammit..." Herman muttered, facepalming in frustration.

___

"Alright, listen up!" Herman commanded, his voice firm and resolute, akin to a general addressing his army at the eve of battle.

For a moment Herman had a sense of deja vu, but quickly dismissed the thought. He had a quest to do. This entire place and the thousands of humans and reluctant mechanoids depended on him.

He carefully examined his new batch of recruits. They certainly weren't the best of individuals, or nearly as competent as the caretaker sisters, but that was exactly the point.

Two chubby, orange baby emotional support dragons: their heads swiveled up and down at the offered bribe of a strawberry pastry Herman was dangling in front of their snouts.

"One now, and one after you do what I asked of you. If you do well, this might become a regular deal." Herman said as if he was talking to tiny golden retrievers with wings.

The creatures eagerly nodded with understanding.

Herman eyed them dubiously for a moment, then split the pastry in half and tossed a piece into the mouths of each hatchling.

Next, there were three reprogrammed techno-demon imps. All declawed, defanged, and deparasitized from the nastier internet viruses. The three confused creatures looked around with apprehension, unused to stand still and in exposed spaces for longer than a few seconds at a time.

"You three!" Herman barked, totally unsympathetic to the vile creatures' distress. They were clean and semi-domesticated for the first time in their lives, but they had a long way until they earned the old man's trust or respect.

"I am offering you a job working for the retirement home. That includes regular baths, three meals a day, and a decent salary. If you fail me, you get back on the streets. And last time I checked, the survival rate for techno-demons in Fencetown was diminishing drastically. I am talking in hours at best." Herman added, gesturing a finger at his throat, the universal gesture for death, as the dimwitted demons didn't quite get his meaning.

The creatures looked at each other, then back at Herman. Eventually, they hesitantly nodded.

"Excellent!"

"Now let's see who we have left... Oh, you..." Herman said with a grimace.

"What was your name again?"

"I told you already, it's Patrick. P-A-T-R-I-C-K. Can't you remember seven simple letters? Man, I swear, old geezers really need to get their head-drivers upgraded." The human replied in an annoying nasal tone.

"My God, you are absolutely perfect!" Herman exclaimed, admiring the man's mojo.

"Hey! I am standing right here! Hey, hey, helooo, heloooooo, old man, helooooo, Patric to old man, anyone there?" Patrick rambled on.

Herman ignored the annoying man's infuriating voice and just examined him for the umpteenth time. The guy was just... so unlikable: his face, his mannerisms, the way he spoke, the casual disrespect for any being, whether mechanical or biological alike. He was truly magnificent. It was exactly what this place needed.

"Elllllooooooo ooooolllld maaaaaaan."

"Yes yes I am here. Same deal as with the imps over there," Herman said without preamble. Food, shelter, and steady salary. "And before you go on one of your antics, bear in mind that with your attitude toward people, you haven't been able to find any of the benefits I am offering you here and now."

"So, are you in or not? The door is over there by the way," Herman said.

Patrick's eyes bulged at being dismissed so easily, but for once in his life managed to keep his mouth shut and just slowly nod to the old geezer.

"Um, what about them?" Patrick found himself saying, pointing towards the six wooden chairs at the corner of the room. There stood six tied-up sisters who fidgeted in their restraints, trying to get out.

"I am getting to that. Also, good job with showing initiative," Herman added, placing both hands behind his back and continuing the debriefing.

"So, you six are going to be working in this retirement home right alongside the mechanoid sisters over there. Each one of you has a particular set of abilities that would complement, or more precisely counter, the overprotective nature of these care bears over there," Herman declared, pointing towards the sisters, who finally stopped fidgeting and looked at their opposition with confusion.

"Questions? No? Alright, let's get to work then!" Herman said, not letting anyone get a word out as he began untying the mechanoid sisters.