58_Q&A

"Ahhh, perfection..." Herman said from the comfort of one of the plush armchairs. A big umbrella hung over his head as he sipped a fruity tropical drink from a coconut, a small paper umbrella tucked into it. His feet were up, and he watched the organized chaos before him.

After destroying each and every melon-clicker tablet from the zombified humans, he gathered his new team, issued their orders, freed the sisters, and just sat here to see how things worked themselves out.

He had really outdone himself this time, if he had to say so himself.

New melon-clicker tablets were distributed by the sisters, only for them to randomly malfunction from the technodemons' viruses that the little creatures kept spreading. High scores got erased, melons vanished, tablets exploded. The demonic creatures even managed to get their claws into the bunker sprinkler systems, activating them and causing even greater mayhem.

While the sisters scrambled in panic to rein some semblance of order, the two orange dragonlings wreaked havoc of their own. Stealing pillows and tearing them apart, spreading the clouds of feathers all over the grand hall.

Running around, tripping the worried mechanoids, chewing cables, pushing down sculptures, vases, and fruit bowls, and generally causing chaos uniquely suited to the mini armored beasts.

And if that wasn't enough, Patrick worked his magic as a grand virtuoso. No other human could match his aura of unlikability. He was never satisfied, he always complained, insulted, belittled, and was all in all an incredibly unpleasant being to be around. He was also uniquely immune to the bots' efforts to please him no matter what they tried. Everywhere he went, the general mojo of the area dropped by several degrees, and to Herman's surprise even the ever-loving, ever-accommodating mechanoid sisters found themselves avoiding and even cursing the man behind his back.

Was this the perfect solution? Probably not. Did it work? Absolutely yes.

Once their comfort had been disturbed, the masses of soaking wet zombies slowly arose from their slumber.

They whined and complained just like Grouchy did at the start, but thanks to the new disruptive elements Herman had introduced to this otherwise closed system, the humans did not get their needs instantly satisfied.

They complained, grumbled, and whined, but eventually, one by one, each of them stood up, actually walked on their own feet for the first time in God knows how long and went on to get whatever the hell they needed.

Soon enough, the kitchens bustled with activity. People actually cooked for themselves instead of waiting to be served.

The washing rooms were full with grouchy humans trying to decipher the drying machine manuals, in hopes of drying their soaked bathrobes.

Next came the activity rooms. Some of the people were actual programmers and engineers, and they wanted to chase the damnable technodemons away so they could rest in peace. This, in turn, caused them to try new and innovative ways to capture them.

Hunting parties were formed, safe zones established, but the imps were always a step ahead of the would-be hunters, which only caused the humans to get more and more creative in their attempts.

The two dragons actually got caught, but thanks to their cuteness (and armored scales) were spared. Instead, they actually did their original job of serving as emotional-support dragons, letting themselves be petted and spoiled with treats and other gifts. This in turn created another problem where the dragons could overindulge just as the humans did, but Herman left that particular problem for someone else to solve.

That finally left Patrick. Ordinary, simple human Patrick. Nobody liked him and he didn't like anybody else, and that seemed to suit each party. He did offer a much-needed diversity from the idealistic Care Bear atmosphere of the retirement home.

And with that, Herman reluctantly stood up from his comfy chair and headed for the exit, his job now complete.

___

"Herman, wait a second, please." Lisa said, managing to catch Herman just before he managed to exit through the armored, hermetic door of the bunker.

"I... we thank you for what you did." The woman said, looking down at her feet.

"Heh, I actually expected you to... well, if not hate, maybe dislike me after what I did to your paradise."

"Oh don't get me wrong, we all deeply resent the metaphorical wrench you put in the gears of our perfect world, yet... I can't argue with the results." Lisa said, gesturing at the masses of excited people around the courtyard, each one conversing about what they were going to do next.

"I wanted you to know that we officially added your minions to our staff roster."

"Even Patrick?" Herman questioned.

"Sigh, yes, even Patrick." The mechanoid lamented. Then both the human and the robot began to chuckle at the absurdity of everything.

"We originally wanted to give you a legendary departing gift," Lisa said. Then she quickly continued as she saw the human was gearing up to protest.

"Haha, yes, yes, it took us a while, but we did figure out your philosophy of no effortless rewards. Still, you did manage to do what all of us could not, and that requires at least SOME kind of reward."

"Here you go, they were made with love... also stale bread, 5-day-old lettuce, moldy cheese, and I think one of the dragons took a bite out of the last sandwich." Lisa said as she handed a bundle of sandwiches badly wrapped in old newspapers.

"For the road." She added with a smile.

"I... I couldn't have wished for a better gift..." Herman said with teary eyes, accepting the trash-rate reward as if it was the most prized magical artifact in the entire virtual world.

After the emotional goodbye and a brief hug, Herman finally left the retirement home behind. An unusual feeling of a job well done settled in his mind as he made his way out of the bunker.

___

"Look, someone is coming out," a mechanoid soldier whispered to his comrade.

"It's him, it's him!" Another soldier loudly announced.

"Weapons ready! Shields up!" Mopo commanded.

The ring of soldiers around the retirement home entrance drew their combat staffs in unison. With a sharp, deliberate motion, they drove the staffs into the ground. The forked metal tips flared, lightning surging upward and leaping from staff to staff. The arcs fused into a crackling array above the bunker, forming a jagged blue dome. Its surface shifted and writhed, yet held firm over the entrance.

...

Herman paused his casual stride, looking up at the light show above and around him.

"What's all this now?" he asked with curiosity, casually walking towards the shield barrier and testing it with his pinkie finger. Seeing that the appendage was unharmed and remembering he had lightning immunity, Herman slowly moved through the barrier, it shattering like fragile glass against his body. The electrical shockwave caused all the soldiers to get zapped and collapse on the ground.

"Why did you do that!?" Mopo demanded, moving out of his sandbag castle and mini command center to confront the human.

"Well, why did you try to trap me inside? Ever since the Escaldians tried something similar involving my tinker shop, I get twitchy around force fields," Herman replied unapologetically.

"At least you didn't try dropping a nuke down the bunker shaft as the government tried to do," he added.

Mopo suddenly looked a bit shifty and nonchalantly stepped to the side to block Herman's view of the half-assembled bomb his tech crew was working on.

"I am sorry, Herman, I kept saying that nothing bad was going to happen, but SOME paranoid people refused to listen," Topo said, also exiting the mini-sand castle and shooting a nasty look at his brother.

"Will someone explain to me what you are all doing here?" the human said, a bit annoyed at the drama that seemed to follow him wherever he went.

"We detected a massive spike in movement in the retirement home. Usually, that place is still as a graveyard, but shortly after you entered, it flared up like a kicked anthill. And considering that the infamous calamity summoner entered just a few minutes ago, I prepared to defend my city to the best of my abilities," Mopo explained, also completely unapologetically.

"So you just assumed I was somehow endangering the city. I think I should be offended at this," Herman said.

"Am I wrong? Did you fuck up things down there?" Mopo challenged.

"Well... I mean..." Herman hesitated, causing Mopo's judgmental frown to worsen even further.

"Let's just say I livened up the place..." Herman said cryptically.

"Is it dangerous to the city?" Topo asked, cutting his brother before he could issue some drastic command that would probably cause the very thing he wished to avoid in the first place.

"Oh not at all. On the contrary, the humans there are all the ones without any prejudices toward machines. If anything, they will help you rebuild the city even faster," Herman replied with a smile.

"See, brother, nothing to worry about. Now come on, we have to hurry and meet Staple at the post office. We are already a bit late, and you don't want to make her angry," Topo said.

Mopo looked at his older brother, then back at the walking calamity in the form of the bald human. He briefly considered yet again trying to arrest or banish the human, but as usual, those were just random thoughts bouncing around his metal skull.

The real issue now was not giving any reason to anger his brother's wife. That woman was quite scary when she got upset...

___

"Ask him already!" Topo hissed, his gray mustache bristling in agitation.

"No, we don't need his help. We will manage on our own!" Mopo grumbled beneath his black, meticulously waxed mustache.

"He is right there. Just ask him. Stop being a baby!" Topo said, trying to push some sense into his stubborn brother's head.

"I said no! He won't want to help us anyway!" Mopo said as he shot a grumpy look at the human who was currently buying basic tools to build his hut from the Fencetown bazaar.

"You will never know if you don't ask," Herman absentmindedly said as he paid a few coppers to the stall keeper in exchange for a basic saw.

"You could hear us all along?!" Mopo barked in agitation.

"Of course I could. You were standing right behind me and whispering really loud. Whispering doesn't help when you two increase your speakers' volume, you know..." Herman added, struggling to put the saw atop the pile of other tools and supplies he struggled to carry. He really missed his backpack, but alas, it got destroyed during the battle for the firewall...

"Then why didn't you say anything!?" Mopo's harsh voice demanded.

"Brother... this is not the way to ask for a favor," Topo reprimanded his younger sibling, in the manner of a mother scolding her child.

"Grghgh... fine, fine! I will ask!" Mopo grumbled, finally surrendering.

"So, human... I mean... H-Herman..." The bot grumbled the name between clenched teeth, as if it physically ailed him to utter it.

"Tell us where Mecron is!" Mopo barked, as if ordering his youngest recruits at the boot camp.

The busy atmosphere of the bazaar suddenly went still, all the people turning around to see what was happening.

"Oh for the love of Cthulhu..." Topo groaned. He grabbed Herman and Mopo by the shoulders and pushed them through the crowd until they finally exited the bazaar. Entering a small alley, they started casually walking towards the post office. Mopo tried to speak, but after a mere look at his angered elder brother, the bot fell silent.

"Okay, Herman, sorry about... all this... What my rude brother was trying to say is that we want to join your son's crusade. My brother has been searching the solar system for years for your son. Sometimes a few of our scouts manage to find him, and they join your son. The problem is that he keeps moving around all the time, so we can't send more people." Topo patiently explained.

"The REAL problem is that your son is a hardcore hermit. That is what the damn problem is!" Mopo shouted, unable to restrain himself any longer.

"He wants to do everything on his own. All the people helping him are some ragtag strays who kind of randomly stumbled on his path. Your son just tolerates their existence, but doesn't actually lead them. They just kind of try to help out with what he does in the background. This is no way to lead a rebellion or an army!" Mopo raged on.

"I have a legion of able and willing mechanoid soldiers who are just twiddling their thumbs, waiting for something to happen. If they are not directed properly, they might just take things into their own hands and attack the humans in the real world."

"We will no longer just sit by and watch as the Escaldians exploit our kind!" Mopo concluded with zeal.

"Um... I had no idea. He and I don't really talk about that sort of stuff. I always assumed he had people working for him, but didn't know how many or what they really did. It was better this way. If I got captured, I couldn't share any secrets that could potentially harm him."

"So you have no idea where he is?" Mopo replied in defeat.

"Nope, but I do know where he will be. The entire family is meeting in Marun Valley in two days. Radek is going to stay for a week and have his first vacation in decades. I can ask him for you then, or you can just come and ask for yourself. It's up to you." Herman said with a shrug, stumbling a bit as the miniature mountain of construction tools and supplies began to dangerously shift to the side.

"You... should you be telling me this?" Mopo asked.

"Probably not. I'm sure even the walls here have ears," Herman said as he kicked a trash can in his path. The metal can instantly disintegrated, revealing a startled techno-demon imp who was listening to their conversation and taking notes on a pad. As soon as he realized he was no longer hidden, the imp pocketed the tablet in a special pouch on his back and scurried away.

"Then why did you..." Mopo started.

"Eh... I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I can't run or hide for the rest of eternity. If someone is going to come, they are welcome to it. It might actually prove a fun little adventure, a bonding experience for me and the family." Herman chuckled, then happily went on his way, leaving the two bots behind.

"See, brother, you just needed to ask like a NORMAL person. So, are you coming with us to this meeting?"

"Me!?" Mopo exclaimed. "I can't just abandon everything and go on a vacation. I can't come. The city needs me! I have people for that. Delegation is the key to command."

"Speaking of which, I have a task for you, my dear brother." Mopo said in a menacing tone, evilly rubbing his hands together. It was good to be king after all.