Chapter 5

An Egregious Mistake: Suppose You Mistook Someone Else for Your Date Because They Looked Nothing like Their Profile Picture

The foundation-day festival in the Kingdom of Azami was the main event of the spring season. With festivities on the days before and after the fair, it was three sleepless nights of celebratory fun.

“Lloyd, wanna hit this festival? I’ll buy you a candy apple!”

The noise of the festival drifted through the shop windows. Lloyd was looking depressed as he cleaned up shop.

“Oh, Chief…no, I think I’m good. I’d better watch over the store.”

“But ya always have a hankering for candy apples! Would you rather have a candy banana? Come on, up on yer feet. Let’s go!”

“Er, no, the type of candied fruit isn’t the issue.”

“I see… Then I reckon you want a chocolate-covered banana! When ya see me taking a long, sensual bite of that vaguely indecent shape, you’ll…and then I’ll see you do the same…it’s a win-win situation!”

“Erm, I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t… Anyway, I’m just…not in the mood today. Sorry.”

With that, Lloyd moved to the kitchen and started washing dishes, wiping them so clean that they definitely didn’t need to be wiped any more. The sparkling kitchen was reaching model-home levels.

His heart isn’t in it, eh? …But I figure if he’s doing nothing, he can’t stay calm—so he’s washin’ up instead. I suppose anyone with a moral compass like him would find it unbearable piddle-paddling while the fate of the country remains at large.

Alka stared at his back, thinking hard—most likely about how to cheer him up.

Eek! Oh, darn. He’s so cute when he’s gloomy! Oh, lordy! It’s stoking my maternal instincts! It’s stoking them so hard, smoke’s about to come sputterin’ out!

Of course, she wasn’t sputtering smoke or whatever. With her maternal instincts (LOL) on fire, Alka sneaked up behind Lloyd, snatched him up with her beyond-human power, and hauled him outside.

The streets were always bustling, but during festival time, foreign tourists flooded to town, giving the streets an entirely different feel. The sweet scent of caramelized sugar mingled and mixed with the odors of frying meat. Alka hopped up and down with excitement after she’d finally put Lloyd down.

“Oh! This place is poppin’!” Alka raised her voice to compete with the noise around them, and her smile was every bit as big.

“…Yeah.” Lloyd was the diametric opposite.

Alka looked at him, the wheels in her mind turning quickly.

Welp, I reckon the best cure for Lloyd’s depression is the festival! And! He’ll see firsthand that I’m amazin’! I’ll earn his love and respect! And then tonight! With the sweet feelin’ of liberation at the festival! The two of us! Alone in a secluded room! Something’s bound to happen!

(It seems like the real festival was happening inside Alka’s mind. Where’d that secluded room come from anyway?)

Ahhh… The prime setup! I reckon I’ve never seen one better! Yessiree, even though I’ve been around a hundred years…

Alka suddenly grew depressed by her lifetime of failures, and Lloyd didn’t let that mood shift go unnoticed.

“Uh, Chief? You okay? Are the crowds getting to you?”

“N-no, I’m fine! …Wait, I ain’t fine. Oh geez. Gettin’ tousled around in a crowd is so exhausting! We should definitely try out that shooting game! For nourishment and physical recovery! Come on, Lloyd!”

“Huh? Does target practice help? Wait, Chief! Don’t yank on my arm so hard! You seem fine!”

Alka dragged him forcefully to the stall, where she threw down some coins, calling to the owner in a voice far younger than her usual one. “Hey, mister! I’m fixin’ to try this game! I’m only nine, ya hear! Do I get a discount?!”

“Yep, you sure do! It’s just one coin for you! Here’s your gun—just don’t point it at anyone, all right?”

Once she’d successfully obscured her real age by a full century, Alka gave him a phony grin and took the gun, making a big show of handling it clumsily, and fired in a random direction.

“Aww! I reckon I’m too short to see! Can I make my friend here pick me up?”

This latter half was delivered with a naughty smirk, but luckily, the owner missed it. He replied peppily, “Sure thing!”

…Permission granted.

“All righty, Lloyd!”

“Yes?”

“Pick me up!”

“Uh…?”

Alka had both arms flung up and ready for him, a twisted grin on her lips. Lloyd hesitated, but it was his chief’s orders…or a total abuse of her authority, at the very least. After a brief internal struggle, Lloyd awkwardly put his hands on her waist, lifting her up high.

“Uh, excuse me…like this?”

“Yeehaw! …No, Lloyd, you ain’t gotta hold back! I reckon status doesn’t matter in a festival! Squeeze me as tight as you want!”

“T-tight…uh, well…then…” He put his hands around her childish waist, squeezing her enough to crease her robe. He looked very embarrassed, afraid to look up, and kept his eyes cast down.

“Oh myyyyyy! Whoo-hoo!” This display of passion caused Alka to thrash her pigtails around. “No, more! I reckon you can go tighter than that, Lloyd!”

She had a taste for it now and wanted more.

“More? …I dunno.”

“Don’t give up just yet! You gotta thwart social standing! It’s a must! If one gives up on that, I reckon the festival might as well end!”

This argument made no sense at all to him, but Lloyd fumbled his way to a tighter grip.

After she’d been thoroughly manhandled, the loli grandma let out a heated gasp. She finally came to rest, held sideways like a princess—a pose that was definitely and utterly unrelated to target practice.

“Mwa-ha-haaahhh…heh-heh…heh-heh-heh…I suppose I’ll settle for that.”

…The sloppy look on Alka’s face was hardly “settling” for anything.

But once she raised the gun again, a steely glint appeared in her eyes as she took aim at the most expensive-looking doll on the top shelf.

“Oh, that knight in armor looks cool!” Lloyd exclaimed, visibly excited. “You can see how detailed it is, even from here! Wow, workmanship in the city is amazing!”

“Figured,” Alka muttered.

That’s exactly the sort of thing he likes. I’m sure it’s rigged to prevent it from toppling over, but I gotta earn his love and respect! And next up—his hand in marriage! It’s all for a good cause!

Her brain was so lovestruck that she’d somehow gone from target practice straight to the altar. Alka scratched a quick series of runes, boosting the gun’s power.

Force, speed, friction, spread…I reckon that’s enough power. I call it the Love Burst!

Alka opened her eyes wide and pulled the trigger without a moment of hesitation.

An instant later…

Blam! A noise that should never come from a cork gun erupted through the stall.

Thwack! The bullet hit the target doll.

Pwww! And ricocheted off the figurine.

Crasshhhhhhhh! Then, the entire shelf of prizes collapsed to the ground.

“…Er, what?” The owner gaped.

Lloyd and Alka both went stiff.

There was a long silence. Then Alka rolled onto the floor, snatched the knight—which she’d decapitated entirely—and held it out to Lloyd, heedless of the stares from the crowd.

“A Dullahan doll!”

“Is not! You clearly blew the head off!”

“A secret character trait! It was a Dullahan all along! A curse from the land of dead!”

“This is the first I’ve heard of it!”

“L-let me try again! This time, I won’t break any…”

“But, Chief.” Lloyd pointed at the pile of broken prizes and the owner—all damaged beyond repair. The only part of the booth left intact was the gun in Alka’s hands.

“…Um, mister?”

“…May I just go cry in a corner somewhere?”

He slunk off, drifting toward a shadowy corner like a ghost. He’d likely expected those prizes to last the full three days. If you can imagine a store manager forgetting to order stock on the headline item of a flyer, you could guess how he felt in that moment.

“Well, movin’ right along! Next up!”

Meanwhile, Alka had the excessive optimism of a baseball coach in the middle of a losing streak. In her hundred-plus years alive, she’d gotten the art of forgetting all inconveniences down pat.

But her optimism would lead only to tragedy.

For the loli grandma’s abuse of ancient runes would annihilate one stall after another.

From a balcony in the castle, the king was gazing down at the hustle and bustle of the first night of the festival. Two men stood behind him.

One was a silver-haired soldier with a resolute face and a scar running down his cheek: Merthophan Dextro. The other was a large man with a chiseled body: the former royal guard, Chrome Molybdenum.

Chrome approached the king from behind, kneeling and bowing his head.

“It has been some time, Your Majesty. My name is Chrome Molybdenum, and I once served as the head of the royal guards. I’m here to ask that you allow me to return to active duty.”

“…………” The king said nothing.

“I’ve heard war with the Jiou is approaching, and you need all the forces you can muster. I may not have much to offer, but if I am able to help, I have resolved to do so.”

“……………” Again, the king said nothing.

“That’s enough, Chrome,” Merthophan interjected. “I believe His Majesty has heard your plea. But I’m sure your abrupt request for an audience at this hour has angered him.”

“…Is that the truth?”

“Yes. Await further word, Chrome. I’m sure you will soon be back in—”

“Is that really the truth, Merthophan?!” Chrome boomed.

Merthophan flinched, clearly rattled by this sudden burst of anger as Chrome’s voice echoed across the balcony, fading into the noise of the crowds below them.

“What’s got into you, Chrome? It’s not like you to be so rude when you stand before—”

Before he could even finish, Chrome’s iron fist swung toward him. Merthophan never stood a chance, and he was flung directly into the king, who didn’t budge in the slightest.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Chrome?!”

“I’m being rude?! Look at yourself, Merthophan! Since when do you not take a knee before His Majesty? Let me ask you again, Merthophan! Is that really the truth?” he choked out, as if his heart was breaking. A look of sadness crossed Chrome’s face. “Have you really turned the king into a puppet to start a war?”

Realization dawned on him. Merthophan slowly staggered to his feet, swiping away the blood from the corner of his mouth as his expression grew stony once more.

“…Yes.”

A low growl rumbled across the night, reverberating through the balcony. “…………”

“You hardly need to ask me why, Chrome. Those fools have let the Jiou Empire do whatever they please, refusing to retaliate, much less go to war. I felt making him a puppet would be for the benefit of the realm.”

“Merthophan…”

“Join me, Chrome. Even if you spread news of this, it’ll only be taken up by the local gossip magazine. You’re the proprietor of a cafeteria now. Don’t forget that.”

“…………”

“This is the only way the realm can truly achieve peace. Please, Chrome.”

Merthophan’s soft pleas faded to silence.

Then…a high voice broke through the tension, seemingly out of place.

“Oh my! Did ya hear that? I wonder how much that bit of info is worth, m’lady. At least a hundred thousand!”

“With that much, Sir Lloyd and I could have three glorious weddings, at the very least!”

Riho and Selen stumbled in from the next room, chattering like it was a girl’s night out.

“Riho Flavin…and Selen Hemein. And…who are you…?”

The last person to step onto the balcony was cloaked in black robes—Marie the Witch. She removed her fake glasses as she answered his question.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Mastermind. I’m Maria Azami. These days, I call myself the Witch of the East Side, Marie.”

“The princess, you say…?”

Merthophan’s hand slipped down to his sword on instinct. Riho and Selen silently stepped between the princess and the colonel.

“We’ve got more than just the word of a former royal guard in a ridiculous apron. We’ve got the word of a missing princess… They’ll believe that.”

Riho raised her mechanical arm. “They may call me a villain, but you’ve crossed a line that I never would, Colonel.”

Merthophan chuckled—as if he didn’t have a care in the world about how many people appeared.

He didn’t care if he died here.

There was no stopping the war.

His eyes told them everything as he raised his sword.

“I figured you were the one interfering with my plans, Your Highness… But you’re too late to stop the war.”

“Come again?”

“Don’t play me for a fool. I used explosives to seal the road and blamed the Jiou Empire for it. I have no idea how you managed to clear up that mess, but that caused people to lose their desire for war. It was a major setback for my little scheme.”

“Uh,” Marie huffed, trying to remember, before she responded as if this whole thing was no biggie.

“That was Lloyd.”

“What?”

“He went shopping to the west and found a crowd milling around the road, so he cleared it in, like, an hour.”

“……” Merthophan’s eyebrows twitched, but he recovered not long after. “Be that as it may! I don’t know how, but you also ruined my plans to blame the dammed-up river on the Jiou Empire! That one impressed me. I’ll give you that.”

“That was also Lloyd.”

“What?”

“Like, he found some merchant whose ship had run dry ’cause the water level had dropped, so he said he made it rain for them.”

“……………”

“Basically, all I actually did was gather information… Bit by bit.”

“…………………”

“Oh, and I hate to say it, but apparently you panicked when you thought I was getting in your way and hired some local delinquents to find the princess…and that’s how we figured out you were behind this.”

“………………………”

“And because Lloyd just so happened to beat up those same guys when they came after him, they coughed out everything voluntarily when they caught sight of him.”

At this, Merthophan’s shoulders began to tremble—in laughter. A self-deprecating smile crossed his lips. A rare display of emotion squeezed past his facial muscles.

“Heh-heh-heh…I see. So Lloyd Belladonna is an assassin you sent after me? …You had me totally fooled… It never made sense for someone as strong as him—”

Before he could praise her any further, Marie apologetically interrupted him. “I hate to say this…”

“…I think I’d rather not hear it, thank you very much.”

“He actually has nothing to do with this. He wants to be a soldier because of his favorite novels.”

Merthophan fell to his knees like a pitcher who’d given the other team a home run when all the bases were loaded. Everything that had happened had been a fluke: His own bad luck had done him in. All his resolve and confidence were gone…

“Merthophan! Cease your resistance! We have the means to free the king! And we’re starting to feel sorry for you for…a lot of reasons! Surrender!”

But as Chrome offered this sympathetic appeal, a sinister laugh erupted out of the king himself.

“Heh. Heh. Heh.”

“Ngh!”

His chuckle spawned from the bowels of the earth—from darkness—and made all who heard it anxious with fear. All present felt their hair rising and braced themselves for the worst.

The king slowly turned, belly wobbling, and stared at Marie with eyes like night.

“—I thought I sensed magic power… I see! The princess has come trotting back to the castle to make herself useful.”

His aura seemed hardly human. They all took a step back.

“Merthophan! What did you do to him?!” Chrome boomed.

“I just tried to make him my puppet—”

Before he could finish, a bolt of energy surged out of the king’s hand, blowing Merthophan away and slamming him into the wall so hard that it cracked. As he crumpled to the ground, he coughed and groaned in pain.

“I tricked him into undoing my seal. Upon my revival, I took possession of a very powerful man to avoid being sealed again. And all the while, this fool never realized he was the real puppet.”

“Uh…what are—?”

“In truth, I was the one who attacked your village and people to stir up a grudge against the king. I didn’t care who served me—anyone with enough spite for him would have done the job.”

“No! You can’t mean…! Back then? When the merchant said he had just the thing that would help me get revenge? It was you!”

“Did that not strike you as suspicious? An item that could control a king? Did you really think something that could allow a human to control monsters would be for sale on the sidewalk?!”

“Well, now that you mention it…gah…”

With an agility unfathomable for his rotund body, the king lunged at Merthophan in a single bound, grasping his entire head in one hand. As Merthophan’s face twisted in pain, the expression on the king’s face showed no trace of humanity.

“But you’ve served your purpose. With so many people gathered at this festival—their souls will be wreathed in despair and become the offerings I need to fully regain my powers.”

With an expression of despair and grief, Merthophan looked like he’d lost his grasp on sanity. He stared at the king with hollow eyes.

“And don’t you worry. I’ll make sure your little war will happen—as a one-sided slaughter. Oh, my horde of monsters will annihilate everyone, no matter their allegiance to a country! Serve me as best you can, Meth-what’s-your-face.”

With that, a green pattern emerged all over Merthophan’s body: It seemed when a human’s mind gave out, he could turn them into a monster.

“I…was wrong. I just wanted the realm to…”

An insectile exoskeleton began to appear around Merthophan as the king released him, dropping him to the ground, and turned to walk away. He sneered over his shoulder.

“Until my minions finish consuming your souls, I advise you follow the footsteps of your king—lie back and do nothing…”

As she heard his ominous warning, Selen noticed the bustle of the festival below them had turned into bloodcurdling screams. When she peered outside, she witnessed countless insects swarming the town.

“This is bad! There are insectile monsters everywhere!”

“Your Highness, please go after His Majesty! If you can free him, this will all die down!” Chrome shouted just as Merthophan, covered in that monstrous visage, threw himself at them with uncanny speed.

“Not happening!”

Riho jabbed her hand into Merthophan’s torso, but he whipped her off of him like it was nothing.

“Eek!” She skidded across the floor.

“Riho?!”

“That…was nothing. Go on, Your Highness! We’ll handle this!”

This was no time to fret and worry. Marie needed to save the king.

“And fast!” Riho urged.

Marie spun around and sprinted after him, down into the palace corridor that she’d walked through as a child. But this wasn’t the right moment to savor her homecoming. She swerved through the door to pursue the possessed king into the audience chamber.

When she skidded to a stop, she was in a vast, solemn space without a single human present.

Only the monster. The king. Her father.

“…Hmph, you dare follow me?” With a green pattern stretched across his husky figure, the king settled into his gaudy throne.

“I want my father’s body back.”

That began the dual between the witch and the possessed king.

When he waggled his fingers, a crack ran down the ceiling, raining bits of plaster. Marie managed to dodge the falling debris and slapped him with a wind spell. But it affected him less than a refreshing breeze, and he returned the favor with a gale.

Her body lifted up from the ground and rammed into a wall.

They fought for nearly an hour: the king sitting on his throne as Marie continued her attacks, trying to find a chance to use a rune. But for all her efforts, she still hadn’t been able to get him to stand.

Marie was starting to look tired.

“…You’re quite a woman. But don’t worry. You’ll be a useful tool for ruling other countries, and I will treat you well—as a human cannon. With your ability to use runes, we’ll be able to gather souls effectively. You have only yourself to blame. When this man still had control, he was able to help you escape. You were a fool to return.”

The king held up a hand, and the sinister green pattern writhed across it. Marie stood tall opposite him—absolutely furious.

“A tool?! You think any human would stand for that? Get out of my father! It’s time you struck out on your own! Before I yank you out of there and turn you to ash!”

“You talk the talk—how…human. Nothing has changed since ancient times: Humans have always known how to bark—”

“Shuddup! Ancient times? Blah blah blah! Anyone who spews that kind of shit is incompetent! And that green ink crap on my father’s face is pissing me off! I’m gonna get that off him right now!”

“I admire your spirit… But I am not like my minions.”

That arrogance will prove your downfall. All right! I’m about to turn the tables!

Marie waved her fingers, causing symbols to appear out of thin air as she released an ice spell. In an instant, the stone walls of the audience chamber were covered in frost. A pillar of ice erupted from under his feet in the next second. But he knocked it aside with one arm.

As he watched the ice shards scatter, his lips twisted and his gelatinous belly shook with laughter.

“…Heh-heh-heh, I see you aren’t afraid of injuring your father.”

Her cold expression didn’t betray the fact that Marie was grinning on the inside.

I knew that wouldn’t harm you. Go on being smug, buddy.

Once again, her fingers waggled to unleash a different spell—this time calling forward flames.

Columns of fire raged throughout the room. But once again, he brushed it aside with a wave of his hand as though he were handling a few paltry sparks.

“When ice doesn’t work, you try fire… How lazy… Mm?”

Just as the flames licked the shattered remains of the ice pillar and consumed them, the area was enveloped in a thick fog.

“…Trying to blind me?”

This was all part of Marie’s plan. As she hid in the mist, she ran her fingers across the back of her hand—in a strategy deviating from the rest.

The disenchant rune was the one way to release the king from evil without harming him. She was powering up her strongest attack.

I’ve practiced this over and over…it takes maybe thirty seconds, tops. Then…

With a pale blue light wreathed around her hand, Marie dashed straight toward him as the mist grew thin. When the king saw the light on her hand, his face contorted again—but not in a smile this time.

“What is that?! What is that awful light!”

“I’ll end this once and for all!”

Just one more step. Marie’s fists were inches from landing.

In that moment, the king’s expression changed from merciless to gentle as he tenderly whispered, “—Oh, how you’ve grown, Maria.”

“Gh!”

A momentary hiccup in her attack.

The king didn’t let it go unnoticed, slamming into her hard and sending her flying all the way to the doorway.

“Gahh…!”

As she writhed in pain, his expression went blank again and his voice became unnatural once more.

“You’re a fool… Such a fool. You were one step from getting me and accomplishing whatever you were planning.”

With a bellowing guffaw, he yanked her arm, crushing her palm as blithely as he might ball up a sheet of paper before dunking it in a trash can. As she let out a silent shriek, Marie desperately ripped her hand free from his grasp and scrambled away, backing up like a frightened child. The king sneered down at her pathetic retreat.

“Augh…dammit…”

It was unlikely that she’d be able to write another rune. All she could do was stare at her crunched fingers with regret.

“Consider it a blessing to die at the hand of your father.”

She was out of options. Marie looked up at the ceiling in despair.

A certain boy’s innocent little face floated into her mind.

She bit her lip, snapping her fading consciousness back on track to brace herself to fight again. When Marie managed to squeeze out a spell from her broken fingers, another ice pillar blasted from below at the king’s feet, but it was much smaller than the one before.

“How futile.”

“I haven’t had a chance to apologize to Lloyd! I can’t let myself die here!”

“Yet, you stand and fight, instead of trying to flee.”

“Don’t be absurd! How could I call myself royalty if I turned my back on an enemy of the realm?”

“I respect that—and in return, I shall torture you until you beg me for your life. Until you turn your back and bolt away in tears.”

“Ha! All paths of retreat are already lost.”

“Heh-heh-heh. Don’t worry. This kingdom—nay, the very world—lies in the palm of my hand. Yes…”

He held a hand up, rising to a fever pitch.

“In the hand of the demon lord, Abaddon!”

Silence filled the audience chamber.

“…………”

Marie blinked back at him.

This was not the reaction that the demon lord had expected.

He grew confused. “You could look more impressed, you know. Boring.”

“…………Why?”

“Why what?”

“………Why didn’t you say so sooner?!” Marie whined, shouting like a lawyer making an objection.

“Mm? It seems I may have touched a nerve… But I was hoping to revel in your anger and despair.”

“No, geez! I’m definitely angry, you asshole! Why didn’t you just say so?! You’re a demon lord! A DEMON? LORD? If I’d known that a couple of days earlier, I’d never have had to put myself through all that misery! This would have been EASY-PEASY LEMON SQUEEZY!”

“You certainly seem angry, but…not for the right reasons… Whatever, it’s fine—”

“It is not fine! You know how much work I put into this?!”

Ignoring her injuries, Marie braced for combat.

“Hmph. Those will be your last words.”

Whoosh.

Marie had turned and booked it out of there—totally turning her back on him, her robe streaming behind her, going as fast as she could.

“Huh? Hey, wait! What happened to royalty never retreating?! What about your pride?! Your dignity?!”

“That was ages ago! Long forgotten! Everything’s different now, you damn demon lord! You’re gonna regret being one! Just you wait!”

“Hey! That’s not the standard line of someone retreating! Get your ass back over here!”

The situation had completely reversed itself. Now Marie was running toward the balcony, pursued by the demon lord Abaddon.

Marie sprinted, gritting her teeth at the stabbing pain in her broken fingers.

“Gotta get to Lloyd or the loli grandma! No matter what!”

An hour before this great escape…

“Well, Lloyd?! Ain’t I just unbelievable?!”

Alka was clutching a mountain of prizes, looking very pleased with herself. But Lloyd was wearing an increasingly gloomy expression.

“Sure, but…I’m more in disbelief about that.” Lloyd was pointing at a row of sobbing stall owners left in her wake, feeling sorry for all of them.

“It doesn’t make sense…why would the goldfish start floating on their own? And why would they leap into the bowl?!”

“When she touched the cutouts, they practically fell out of their molds…!”

“She pulled the ticket for the grand prize even though I didn’t put it in the pile!”

Well, maybe not the last one.

“Pretend you can’t see ’em.” Alka didn’t even so much as glance toward the waiting room—for losers.

The duo hunkered down on a nearby bench.

Alka dumped her pile of prizes on the ground, grinning. But Lloyd looked as cheerless as ever—no, almost twice as somber as he had an hour ago. The cause of his melancholy mood was obvious. Plus, Alka was the only one enjoying herself here.

Bweh-heh-heh, we’ve had a blast! I reckon today was the day we got…somewhere…

Alka was pulling a full-on act of being clueless—playing the part of a major throwback—a necessary characteristic for any true loli grandma.

“I think it’s time we went home.”

“Wait a sec, Lloyd! There’s still the main event!”

“The main event?”

“That’s right! You can’t have a festival without…!”

“Without what?”

“You guessed it! Chocolate-covered bananas!”

“…Does that even qualify as an event? It’s just food.”

Pushing aside his concerns, Alka pulled something out of her pocket—some sort of brown paste. If this was chocolate, it only raised more questions.

“I’ve already got the chocolate ready! Ne’er fear!”

“Uh…Chief…where’s the banana?”

“Bweh-heh-heh! You know where it is. Don’t make me spell it out.”

Just as she was about to try and make up for a century of getting nowhere, screams rang out over the bustle of the festival.

Lloyd turned toward the sounds. Both listened carefully.

“H-help! Monsters!” “The monsters are rampaging through town!” “I don’t wanna die!”

“Huh? M-monsters?”

“I hear tell something’s gone wrong…we’d better take a look lickety-split.”

Alka and Lloyd dashed toward the voices, parting through a crowd running the other way.

Lloyd grabbed ahold of someone passing by. “Um, what’s going on?”

“R-run for it! A wh-whole bunch of monsters suddenly came swarming out of nowhere! Aaaaargh, they’re heeeeeere!”

The festivalgoers went pale as they shrieked, scrambling toward the nearest city gate. The man had cast a pointed look at something before he followed suit.

Shnk, shnk, shnk.

A whole lot of giant locusts were approaching, mandibles snapping. When Lloyd traced the man’s gaze, Lloyd tromped right on over.

“Hokay!”

And he swatted the swarm of locusts with a wave of his hand. They smacked into the wall and turned to ash. Only then did Lloyd get worried.

“This is bad, Chief! There’re monsters nearby! And they’re attracting all these bugs!”

In truth, the “bugs” themselves were monsters…but Alka looked at the locust swarm and stroked her chin.

“These locusts…hmm?”

Something seemed to be jogging her memory. But heedless of what was going on in Alka’s mind, Lloyd looked downright grave.

“Hey, Chief…sorry, there’s somewhere I need to be.”

“Mm? Oh, what’s gotten into ya?”

“I can’t tell you everything, but…Marie’s in trouble. And Selen and Riho, too…”

Alka knew exactly what he was talking about, but she made a big show of pressing him further. “Hmm, I ain’t sure what that means, but, Lloyd—whaddaya think you can do?”

Lloyd hesitated for a moment before he turned toward Alka with a resolute look in his eyes.

What in tarnation?! My heart!

With more certainty than he’d shown about leaving the village, Lloyd stood with his back straight, a confident set in his jaw, and words filled with conviction.

“I have no idea!” he claimed.

“Har?!”

He had the spirit of a student who’d raised their hand to answer the problem on the blackboard only to admit they had no clue. It completely took the wind out of Alka’s sails.

“But one thing I’ve learned recently is that there are times when even a weakling like me—especially a weakling like me—has to take action.”

“Hmm…”

“I may be weak, and Marie may have saved me any number of times. Including when I almost got in a fight. But at the same time, she’s taught me the importance of moving forward, even if you aren’t sure how or where. That’s why—” His cheeks flushed red as he finished in a heartfelt shout. “I dunno what I can do to help! But I do know that doing nothing is wrong! Even if Marie yells at me! Even if you try to stop me! Even if I’m weak—I have to go!”

With that, he spun around, bolting at top speed toward the castle. He’d launched off into a sprint with so much force, the pavement below him cracked in a trail behind him.

As Alka watched Lloyd go, she sighed.

“You never listen, do ya…but I reckon I’ve never seen you this worked up. You’re growing up. I’d give you full marks if you weren’t doing this for that idiot Marie.”

Alka looked ready to shed a tear, but the crowd flowing toward her was only getting denser. The center of the festival must be a living hell right about now.

“So we’re up against a demon lord, hmm…? Well, I’ll bet my bottom dollar that it’s probably a really weak one that he can handle… Dunno if that means we’re lucky—for this kingdom or for my dumb student… Welp, if there’s a demon lord involved, I can’t just stand around.”

She shook her head, then pulled out a small crystal, grinning. Her ear-to-ear smile was reflected in the polished surface.

“Death to anything that interrupts me gettin’ it on with Lloyd… Time for a good old-fashioned rampage.”

The town was overflowing with a sudden swarm of locust monsters. They were everywhere, and people trying to escape were boxed in. It was hell in every corner. Fortunately, festival security had soldiers all over the place, and casualties were kept to a minimum.

Meanwhile, Lloyd raced through the commotion to the castle and Marie. In fact, he was zooming past so fast that nobody even noticed him. Plus, everyone was preoccupied with fending off the monsters.

As Lloyd witnessed the state of the town, he thought, This town’s in a panic…but where are the monsters? Man, this sure is attracting a lot of bugs…

He hustled through the crowd in fear of the unseen beasts as he swatted away bugs (monsters) in his path. And when he reached a narrow alley leading to the castle…

“Eeeek!” A short, shrill scream called out from the back.

Lloyd turned toward the noise.

“…H-huh? Oh, it’s you. The part-timer,” said Allan—an earlier competitor from an unfinished battle. He was crouched down, tense with fear.

“Er, Allan, was it?” Lloyd asked, looking confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Ha…ha-ha. This is sort of pathetic, I know.”

“Were you hiding?”

“Not…exactly…no. Okay, look, fine. I was hiding. It’s, uh, scary.”

Lloyd couldn’t hide his surprise. “You’re scared? But you tried to fight me, and Selen…”

“Humans are one thing! …But, uh, monsters? A totally different story… Well, more like animals and bugs… Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always trained against people, you know, entering all those tournaments and stuff. But when I’m up against something on all fours, like a monster slithering along the ground…I don’t even know how to begin to fight them.”

“So when you said you had a goal…”

Allan nodded listlessly. “If I get promoted, I won’t have to fight monsters. I can just train soldiers! I’ll never stain the family name.”

“But…everyone else is busy fighting these beasts right now.”

“I know! I know what you’re trying to say…and I want to help! But my body’s all frozen!”

Lloyd realized Allan hadn’t moved a muscle this entire time. His legs had given out—a familiar feeling that Lloyd knew all too well.

I felt the same way the first time I fought a monster…

Of course, these so-called monsters were threatening demon lords who’d descended into the mortal realm, and Lloyd knew just how hard it could be. He rebuked Allan, almost as if trying to convince himself.

“I’m scared, too… But…I’ve always admired soldiers, people who would keep moving forward no matter what.”

“…That’s right… You’re the one who failed the admissions test.”

“Yeah, I’ll take it again next year…and right now, I’m going to help in any way I can.”

No sooner had he declared his intentions than a giant locust came flying right at his back.

“Behind you!” Allan jumped up, trying to yank Lloyd out of the way. But before his hands could reach him…

“Excuse you! This is an important conversation. Shoo!”

With a satisfying thwack, the monster went flying.

“Look ou— Huh?” Allan gaped.

Lloyd turned back to him, continuing to speak earnestly. “You’re right. Monsters are certainly scary. You could die fighting them. But—”

“Hold on! Wait a sec! That was a monster right there! What are you talking about?!”

“There, see? That’s no good! You can’t let yourself get so scared that you think any old thing’s a monster! That’s just an insect!”

“What? An…insect?”

“Yep! Regular old bug.”

Allan’s brain shut down.

When he finally spoke again, it was a strangled squeak. “Uh…no way…”

Lloyd flashed Allan his patented smile. “More importantly…see? You can move, after all.”

“I…oh, wait.” Allan seemed surprised to find himself on his feet.

“You’re a soldier! You’re stronger than I am. Maybe you’re scared, and maybe I’m not in a position to say this, but…you have to try!”

And then Lloyd was gone with the wind.

When Lloyd was out of sight, Allan staggered out of the alley.

What’s with that kid? He said these monsters were just bugs? That’s insane!

He surveyed the scene, looking around to find the town in a state of panic. Because tourists from all over flooded to town for the festival, they didn’t know their way around, which meant they had no idea where to go as they sprinted through the city willy-nilly, trying to get away.

Here and there, he saw soldiers desperately trying to guide the crowds, tend to their injuries, or fight the monsters. Allan witnessed civilians supporting each other, and he couldn’t stand still any longer.

Argh…I’m pathetic. I’ve got to guide them or help the wounded at the very least! He scolded himself.

“Aiieee!” Just then, a shrill cry echoed over the din.

“Keep running!” someone yelled.

Allan turned his gaze against the flow of the crowd.

“H-help!”

In front of him, a giant six-yard locust covered in scales like moss was menacing a woman who’d fallen down. She’d missed her chance to escape and couldn’t stand up as she struggled under its exoskeleton.

Allan looked around him, hoping to find someone else capable of fending it off, but he was the only person with a weapon. He knew what this meant.

He knew what he had to do. “If I don’t help, she’ll die.”

At the same time, his legs were shaking so hard that he couldn’t move. Allan had no idea how to even begin fighting anything that crawled along the ground.

…Dammit! Stop shaking! Come on, quads!

His efforts to motivate his body got him nowhere. He peeked around his surroundings, confirming for the umpteenth time that there wasn’t anyone else there. Then he saw a reflection of himself in the window of a nearby building, looking like a frightened little brat.

…Pathetic… How could I ever get promoted?

Allan had tunnel vision on career advancement, which had all been an effort to avoid fighting monsters and casting mud on his family name.

But no superiors would ever promote the likes of me! I don’t even deserve to call myself a soldier!

He pictured Lloyd from a moment before. Pushing his fears aside and forcing his legs to move, he focused his thoughts on the task at hand. At last, he started to advance.

“—Rahhh!”

Allan lunged toward the monster, swinging his ax and landing a blow on the beastly bug. With that came a spurt of some bodily fluid—not blood—and the monster turned toward him.

“Argh…crap!!” Through his screams, Allan swung again and again, but the monster showed no signs of fear.

And he knew why—it was because Allan himself was so obviously scared, in a position ready to flee at a moment’s notice.

But I’m doing it! I will make myself into a man! I refuse to be afraid of monsters!

He’d certainly succeeded in annoying the monster enough that it let out a shrill cry and fought back. As it reared up, its full six yards loomed over Allan, threatening him—on two hind legs.

“Aiiiieeee!”

Its sheer size was enough to make the crowd around them shriek in horror. All except one.

“Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!” Allan started laughing.

And an instant later, a powerful blow to its side split the monster in two, dissolving it into ash.

A cheer erupted from the crowd, and the woman came over, thanking him for saving her. But Allan was in no state to absorb any praise. He was breathing heavily, basking in the glow of his first victory.

“Looks…like I can do it after all!”

And with that, he went darting off, searching for other monsters—facing forward, confidence in his stride.

“I’m not scared anymore! I won’t let you insects get away with this!”

Allan Toin Lidocaine’s battle had only just begun.

Meanwhile, in the castle, Chrome had engaged the possessed Merthophan in combat. The viridescent pattern covering Merthophan was slowly turning into an exoskeleton.

“Kill me! For the peace of the realm!”

It seemed only his head remained under his control, and he was begging for death in a guttural growl. This only served to weaken Chrome’s blows.

“Merthophan…”

And yet, despite his pleas, the demonic body was strong, its movements swift, and his sword swung at Chrome with deadly force.

Clang! Clang! Their weapons clashed two, three times and ground against each other. But his friend’s grief-stricken face weakened Chrome’s arms, and he was pushed back.

“Gah!” As his square frame was flung aside, Chrome let out a grunt. Riho dashed in, catching Merthophan’s blade on her mechanical arm before it could finish Chrome off.

“Crap… With the monster possessing him, he’s way stronger than before!”

Her mithril hand was creaking. Just then, an insect shell snapped around Merthophan’s arm—a thick one, the size of a man’s torso.

Even though mithril was far stronger than steel, her arm crumpled instantly under his grip.

“Seriously?!” she yelped, managing by a hairbreadth to slip away as she dragged Chrome after her.

Merthophan’s body slowly crouched down, looking like a predator about to pounce on its prey. The shell was slowly covering the rest of him, making him look less and less human.

“Ugh…we’re in trouble…”

At this, Selen broke her silence for the first time.

“Oh, we could really use Sir Lloyd’s help right now…”

“…Yeah, this is no time to yak on and on! M’lady, summon Lloyd here right now!”

“Eh-heh-heh…leave this to me.”

But Selen showed no signs of bolting out of there to find him. Instead, she walked directly toward Merthophan.

“Uh, hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious? This is how you summon Sir Lloyd.”

The green shell became part of Merthophan’s face. He was now a strange crustacean in a military uniform.

“K…cree-cree-cree…hshh…cree-cree!” What had once been Merthophan let out a string of cryptic nonwords.

And Selen was facing off against him, claiming she was calling Lloyd as she took her battle stance and looked suspiciously ready to fight. Riho was at a complete loss.

“What are you doing?! We need Lloyd here right now!”

“I know! Hurry up and attack me, Colonel Merthophan!”

Riho could not imagine what Selen was thinking as she managed to squeak, “What are you saying?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? The hero always arrives to save his heroine in the nick of time. Come on, Colonel Merthophan! Place me in mortal peril!”

“Are you out of your mind?!”

Even at a time like this, Selen was Selen—totally committed and devastatingly delusional.

“I think it’d be way better if my clothes were torn up. Just enough to tease but not show anything… Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got this belt.”

As if in response—well, considering the circumstances, it likely wasn’t actually in response, Merthophan whipped his hardened shell of an arm at Selen.

There was a loud whoosh, delivering a blow powerful enough to rip through her clothes and splatter her guts all over the walls.

“Don’t be stupid, Selen…uh, huh?”

But the attack never hit her.

Shpp! Clanggg!

The cursed belt stopped Merthophan mid-attack. Just like it had Allan’s. It writhed as though it were alive, reaching out and knocking the attack back.

A gloomy smirk crossed her lips. If asked whether Selen or Merthophan was the villain in this scene, most people wouldn’t hesitate to reply: “Both.”

“Eh-heh-heh-heh! As I thought! This belt is the red string binding us together! Now go on! Rip my clothes a little!”

But this thought didn’t last long.

Shpp! Claaannngg! Shpp! Claaaanngg! Shppp! Claaaangg!

Selen didn’t appear to be in any sort of peril, ever. Not one attack made it past the belt, and her clothing remained stubbornly intact.

“Just you wait! Any minute now! I bet my outfit will start taking damage soon!”

But the belt didn’t seem to heed her wishes, blocking every attack with precision.

“Uh, m’lady,” Riho interjected. “Is that cursed belt stopping him without any input from you? That’s…pretty amazing…”

Chrome frowned, looking like he’d just remembered something.

“Come to think of it…the legends of Kunlun said something about a treasure that could protect you from all ill will… Could it be that belt?”

With her plans actively ruined by this so-called treasure, gratitude was the last thing on Selen’s mind.

“No way! How am I supposed to get to the scene where I hug Sir Lloyd when he comes to rescue me?!”

“How should I know?! Just…keep Merthophan’s attacks focused on you! I’ll go try and find Lloyd!” Riho started to drag her injured body on the ground.

“Hey! That’s not the plan! I wanted to call him!”

“Yo! Don’t follow me! If I get in the middle of your fight, I’m done for!”

In the middle of this, a new figure literally leaped onto the balcony.

“Uh, sorry to show up so late… Oh, Riho!”

It was the boy in question—Lloyd.

“L-Lloyd?!”

He’d cleared dozens of yards from the stairs to the balcony in a single bound, as if he’d heard them calling. Riho couldn’t hide her surprise.

“Sorry! I figured it was an emergency, so I just jumped on in! …Oh god! Riho, you’re hurt! Hold on!” Lloyd dashed over to her side and began tending to her injuries.

When she found herself suddenly in his arms, Riho turned bright red.

“Oh, no, uh… These’ll heal with a little spit! I’m fine!”

Lloyd looked a little rattled and turned pink himself, but then he made up his mind and moved his face closer to her wound.

“Uh…spit? O-okay, if you say so… Like this?”

He appeared just about ready to kiss her wound when Riho hastily stopped him.

“No, no! I mean, I’ll do it myself!”

The situation was threatening to turn X-rated, as they played out a scene that Selen imagined for herself.

“You’ve got the wrong giiiiiiirl!” she shrieked as her belt slapped away another round of Merthophan’s attacks. It goes without saying that she desperately wanted to trade places with Riho.

Lloyd’s head snapped up when he heard her scream, but once again, he failed to answer her desires.

“Oh, Selen! You look fine. Good job!”

“Sir Lloyd! Right now! I have a terrible pain! In my heaaaaart!”

But her cries were drowned out by the little slappy noises of the belt.

After he’d confirmed that Selen was in safe hands, Lloyd next found Chrome crumpled against the wall.

“Wait, why is the boss here?! Are you okay?!”

“Lloyd…? Why…are you here?”

“I came to help…but I’m not sure what I can do.”

“I see… As you can see, I slipped up. We can use the help.”

“That path is a road of infinite hardship—with no chance of any offspring, Sir Lloyd!”

“Don’t make things more complicated, Belt Princess!”

“Oh, you don’t get to talk, Riho! Not after savoring that moment with him!”

“…Sorry.” Blush.

“…Er, what?”

“…I’m really sorry, Selen.” Blush.

“Don’t turn red! Why aren’t you denying it?! Now I really feel like I’ve lost!”

Ignoring the two as they gossiped (?), Chrome thrust his chin at Merthophan.

Lloyd looked at the green shell and military uniform with a nod. “—I think I get the general idea.” He took a step closer to Merthophan, looking grim.

“………Ll………oyd…” He grunted.

Lloyd had on a painful expression. “I think I get the gist of things… But you’re a soldier… You’re supposed to protect the people. What are you doing?”

He was moving nearer to the possessed colonel, inching closer, one step at a time—calling on the ideals that made Merthophan want to be a soldier in the first place.

“I’m sure…you once wanted to protect people’s lives and smiling faces… That’s why you became a soldier, right? Not for this.”

Merthophan’s expression was slowly melting back into its human form again as memories of when he first enlisted surfaced in his mind.

That’s right…I…

And the shell covering him peeled away, crumbling.

“Merthophan…,” Chrome called out to his old friend.

For the sake of Azami…for my village, for the smiles of the citizens…

“Colonel Merthophan,” Selen encouraged, relieved to see her officer once more.

“No…war…a world of plenty…”

“Merthophan the gentle sir,” Riho choked out.

A large hunk of shell fell to the floor. Behind it, his face reflected a new kind of sadness on it.

“I…”

As cracks ran across the rest of the exoskeleton, Merthophan regained his senses, freeing himself from the confines of the shell.

“And plus…,” Lloyd added, once Merthophan’s attacks came to a halt. “What kind of soldier gets so drunk that they put on a silly cosplay and go on a rampage?! You’re failing at a basic human level!”

“““Where’d that come from?!”””

“Seriously! At a time like this? Helloooo? There are monsters in town! Not that I’ve seen any. But you’re just ignoring that threat? And wearing this cosplay? And drinking so much that your face literally turns green? Boss, you’ve got to cut him off sooner! I know it’s a festival and all, and I get that you’re trying to run a business, but you’ve got to think of your customers! What did you even drink? Oh, was it that green apple cider?”

“Cree-cree-cree-cree-cree!”

Merthophan was instantly enveloped in a new shell, which seemed even larger than the last one.

“We were one step away! Why’d you ruin it, Lloyd?! The mood was right and everything! You’d almost made his heart human again!”

“Lloyd! Start over, from the top! For Merthophan’s sake!”

“Huh? From the getting drunk and wearing a cosplay part?”

“Are you doing this on purpose?!”

“Cree-cree-cree! I didn’t drink anything!” wailed the regressed ex-Merthophan.

“Look, just because I hit the nail on the head doesn’t mean you get to throw a tantrum!” Lloyd scolded, slapping him silly. The creature’s head twisted in a very unnatural direction.

“Cree!”

“I may be weak, but I’m not about to lose to a drunken cosplayer!”

As he continued to mutter, “Geez, did you get drunk at the festival, too, Boss?” Lloyd pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket—the one with the runes on it.

“Let’s get this filth off you, at the bare minimum. Stand still!”

Lloyd grabbed Merthophan’s arm with enough force to crack it and began vigorously rubbing his face with the cloth.

“Cree-cree…aaah…”

Merthophan let out an odd sigh as the disenchant rune peeled his shell off, causing the pieces to fall away, turn into light, and vanish.

It was almost beautiful, but at the center of it all, Merthophan was left lying unconscious. He was looking like he really had to pee, like he had something else to say. Presumably being treated like a drunken cosplaying patriot had been one indignity too many.

“Wore himself out rampaging and fell right asleep, huh? Someone needs to learn some moderation. Uh…where’s Marie?”

Chrome rubbed his exasperated expression off his face. “Oh, right!” he exclaimed, as if he’d just remembered something. “Yes! She’s in back, fighting the monster that’s possessing the king!”

“Wh-what?! Alone? And you’re all standing around playing with a drunk?!”

“Oh, uh…sorry.”

Lloyd dismissed Merthophan’s monster form as an alcoholic mess—causing those around him to be astounded once again by how overpowered he was.

But the stunned silence was interrupted by a shriek as someone came busting into the room.

“Run for iiiiiit! Whoa! Arghh…!”

It was Marie, booking it from the grasp of the demon lord. Without a hint of royal or feminine dignity, she tripped over Merthophan and skidded across the floor.

“Whoa! Wh-what happened, Marie?!” Riho asked, confused by Marie’s sudden appearance. It’s a bit like when your friend unexpectedly logs into the chat.

“Change of plans! Plan B! Drop a smoke signal!”

“Calm down! We don’t have a plan B! And smoke goes up, not down!”

“Strategic retreat! We’ve gotta get to Lloyd or the loli grandma pronto—!”

“M-me?” Lloyd squeaked, surprised to hear his name.

“L-Lloyd?! Why are you here?!” Marie’s eyes nearly popped out of her head.

He had on an apologetic look. “Sorry!” he said, wincing, as he continued to plead with her. “I know you said not to come, but I couldn’t just do nothing! ’Cause, like, I thought if I continued to twiddle my thumbs, I’d never be able to grow up!”

Then he tensed up, waiting for a scolding.

“Welcome!” Marie shouted, throwing her arms out and doing a few quick dance steps like a character in costume at an amusement park.

“Er…” Lloyd gaped at her. What happened to their fight the day before?

But from behind Marie’s fantastical display, the demon lord Abaddon strode in, belly jiggling with every step.

“Hmph…you took that man down? No matter. I’ll just kill you all myself!”

His aura was overwhelming Marie, Chrome, Selen, and Riho, who all cowered before him. His inhuman nature was so ominous that it was stifling, and their eyes trailed after him silently. Well, all except Lloyd.

“Oh, um, excuse me. We’re in a dangerous situation, so you should really hide somewhere.” After urging the demon lord to evacuate, he turned back to the others. “…Now, Marie, where’s this monster? I may not be much help, but I can at least be a decoy or…!”

The king gawked at him. There was a long silence, and then he decided to just start over.

“Hmph…you took that man down? No—”

“Um, sorry! There’s a monster nearby! You really should hide! He’s apparently possessed the king!”

“—That’s me!” he bellowed in his stilted way.

Lloyd gave him a look of skepticism that clearly said, What the heck are you talking about?

“Sir…come on. Even I know that’s not true. I mean, I walk past the statue of the king every day on my way to work… He’s much taller, and he doesn’t have a gut like you. He’s pretty fit. You should really take a look someday.”

The statue in the town square was loosely modeled after the king—Marie called it a tribute to his vanity. Lloyd had never seen the real man, so who could blame him for this small mistake? Well, he was now, but…

As for the monster possessing this sad sack of gluttonous flesh, he was left in disbelief. “Uhh…” He groaned laboriously.

Paying his confusion no heed, Lloyd kept going. “…Oh, I see! There’s a weird look in your eyes… Are you also drunk? Gotcha. That’s why you’re wearing that king cosplay…for the festival… Oh wow, give me a break with this whole demon lord joke.”

“…Cosplay?” The demon lord seemed confused by the unfamiliar term.

“Oh, now that I look at you, your complexion isn’t so good. You spilled some green apple cider, didn’t you? Is everyone sloshed around here? Hurry up and take refuge somewhere.” Lloyd gave a few helpful pointers to the root of all evil before turning back to Marie.

“B-by the way,” he stammered, looking nervous. “Is this monster possessing the king still a problem?”

He was nervous and afraid of the beast, which still hadn’t made its grand appearance (LOL). Marie gave him a long look, then an idea must have hit her, as she smiled, boasting, “Y-yeah, it was a real tough one!”

“Oh, then you already…?”

“That I did! It was all blam and pow, and I hit back with a little bit of the you-know-what and blanched it for a few secs. But in the end, it was no match for me! I’m pretty good at this, you see! I’ll have to crack open that bottle of mead from my birth year tonight!”

“Blanched…?”

“Yep, and just as I finished this death match, when I was barely able to get to my feet, this oafish cosplayer shows up to ruin the moment—reeking of booze, to boot! I didn’t know what to do!”

“I knew he was drunk! You can tell from his voice.”

“Exactly! And he just wouldn’t leave me alone! It was awful. He stinks, and his hygiene is blegh…Lloyd, could you wipe him down with that thing for me?”

“Oh, that thing? Sure, got it.”

The demon lord started protesting. “Hey! Princess! I’m not drunk! Why did you say—?”

But Lloyd gently shushed him. “Princess? Marie’s a witch, sir. Princesses don’t live off canned food or get down on their hands and knees with a silly face. You really are drunk!”

“Ha-ha-ha…goddammit…” Marie cursed in tears over this brutal takedown of her very existence.

Meanwhile, Lloyd whipped out his handkerchief, quickly sketching a disenchant rune, and attempted to wipe the demon lord’s face.

“Stop! What are you doing! Stay back!”

The monster swung his arm in a hasty attack, but Lloyd easily deflected it.

“Yes, yes, you’re drunk… Settle down.”

When the monster watched as his arm sailed through the air to puncture a hole in the concrete, his expression changed from hollow-eyed to horrified.

“Augh…stay away from me…!”

But this didn’t dissuade Lloyd, who calmly started wiping the green stuff from Abaddon’s face, scrubbing it right off. Chunks started falling to the floor and turning to ash.

“You little—how dare you?! I-I’m vanishing? …What have you done?!”

Lloyd looked slightly confused. “This? It’s just a little cleaning hack.”

“There’s no waaaaay!”

As bits of the demon lord started to turn to ash and Abaddon’s panic grew, Marie stepped in to deliver the final blow.

“Be gone, demon lord! At the hands of the humans you looked down on!”

“You little—!”

Marie’s index finger cut through the air. “I’ll tell you why you lost. You messed with my family…and you failed to take humanity seriously meow!”

“Why was there a cat noise?! You’re the one not taking this serious—unhh,” he groaned.

With the one-in-ten curse activating at the worst possible time, Abaddon dissolved into dust, leaving the body of the king behind.

“………Er……meow? Marie, are you drunk, too?”

“Uh, er…heh-heh-heh…………maybe a little?” To cover up her pathetic lie, Marie gave him a big hug.

“Er, hey? Marie?”

She put her lips to his bright red ears and whispered, “Thanks for coming to save me.”

“All right, I think we all deserve an explanation—right after you get off of him!” Riho snapped.

“Didn’t you spend ages convincing him not to get involved…?” Selen demanded.

Marie shuddered. One demon lord down, and two to go…