Chapter 5

A Misunderstanding: Suppose Your Mom Kept Buying You a Random Snack She Thought Was Your “Favorite”

Several days had passed since Lloyd’s side emerged victorious at the tournament.

Azami Military Academy won! They were the talk of the town for days! …Well, that was what they’d expected, but the reality was pretty different.

“Siiiiiigh…”

Choline sighed deeply at the Azami Military Hospital. Riho glared at her from bed where she was recuperating.

“Colonel, did you come here to ruin my day?”

Ignoring Riho, Choline began reading aloud from her newspaper. “Breaking news! The sword at the Village of the Holy Sword was a fake! The village’s duplicitous mayor revealed as a tourism industry stooge! A consequence of slack government oversight!”

The only thing anyone was talking about was the failure of the Village of the Holy Sword and the collusion between the mayor and other government officials.

“I guess when someone pulled it out, they discovered it was a fake and got pissed off enough to expose them.”

And they were using the news to hoist him by his own petard… Modern society was a cruel place.

As a result, the tournament results were relegated to a footnote.

“And the back page is this! The mystery explosion at the old lighthouse! Forewarning of a natural disaster? Who cares! Why did it have to explode now?! Take a hint! Wait a day!”

But the loli grandma waits for no one.

“That explosion, huh?”

“How can I not sigh? Oh, the military school, reduced to this tiny corner! There’s more space given to this comic strip!”

But Riho was grinning at something else. “…I heard Rol was in the center of that explosion and pretty banged up.”

“Yeah, sounds like she was. Probably up to no good.”

“Hmm… I still wanna know why she wanted the Holy Sword so bad…”

Given that Riho’s life had been on the line for it, she felt she deserved an explanation.

“We gotta wait to hear more. She’s in this hospital! We’ll have to hit her up later.”

“…Yeah?”

“So, Riho. Is your arm all good?”

“Yeah, thanks to the recovery magic, this one’s doing just fine.”

“Good…and the mechanical side?”

“Doing all right. Not totally back to normal—I used way too much magic—but honestly, I think it’s ridiculous they’re making me stay the night.”

She gave her mechanical arm a flex. It was certainly moving a little stiffly, like it needed oil.

“Oh, moving already? To think it just went back to normal the second we stuck it on you.”

“The doctors said my body just got used to dealing with the mithril. I mean, I’ve been living with it for five years now. Early on, it was sort of stiff—but I’ll get it moving like it used to soon enough.”

“You sure about this? You could have gone with a normal mechanical arm.”

“I thought about it! But it doesn’t carry a death threat with it anymore, and…” Riho smiled at the memory. “Someone told me it’s cool.”

Choline couldn’t help but smile back…although her grin was a little bit mischievous.

“Aha! And that ‘someone’ is Lloyd?”

She’d hit the nail on the head, as evidenced by Riho’s instant protests. Choline quickly found a massive mithril hand clamped around her shoulder.

“C-Colonel!”

“Uh, I was just guessing… Owww! R-Riho! Yeah, okay! You’re doing just fine! Point taken!”

“L-listen! I’m not doing this because Lloyd said anything! The mithril is functional! Helps me earn bank! What Lloyd said is irrelevant!”

That was basically like admitting it.

And right in the middle of this, with the best (or worst) timing, Lloyd came in. He slowly opened the door, wondering aloud, “Do you have a visitor?” and stepped in.

“Excuse me!” he said. “I’ve come to visit… Riho? Did you just say my name?”

“L-Lloyd! N-no, never mind!”

Selen peered over Lloyd’s shoulder, clearly deeming Riho’s fluster suspicious.

“Really?” she asked. “Are you sure you weren’t just so lonely lying here alone you called out Sir Lloyd’s name?”

“God, no, m’lady! I’m not you!”

Seeing Riho her old self again, Lloyd smiled. “Glad you’re doing well. Uh, I brought you a fruit basket!”

He put it on the table nearby. Apples, bananas, grapes—standard stuff.

“You should be grateful!” Selen said. “It was pretty expensive.”

She took out a knife and started peeling an apple.

“Uh, thanks, Selen…”

“Here, Sir Lloyd! I’ll feed them to you. Say ‘Ahh!’” Selen start stuffing apple in Lloyd’s mouth, and Riho crooked an eyebrow at her.

“…Aren’t those usually for the person in the hospital?”

“For what we paid, we deserve to reap the benefits!”

Riho just let it drop. Lloyd held some apple out to her.

“Don’t worry, there’s plenty,” he said. “Riho, say ‘Ahh!’”

Riho instantly turned bright red. Downright jaw-droppingly obvious, huh? Choline’s grin got even bigger.

“Um… A-ahhh…” Riho opened up, and just before the apple reached her lips…

Swish! Snap!

The belt at Selen’s hips completely sealed Riho’s mouth.

“Gmmph! Bahh!” Riho gasped, managing to free herself. “What the hell?! What’s your problem?!”

“Whoops! The cursed belt got away from me. But it looks like Riho forfeits her turn, so I’ll be happy to accept that apple, Lloyd!”

The belt formed a heart shape, and Selen eagerly opened her mouth for the slice. The way that belt was writhing around now…it was definitely a monster.

“So she can finally control the thing at will…”

“You’ve upgraded from creepy to eldritch, Selen,” added Choline.

Selen seemed to have grown the most from the tournament. Well, not in any way related to magic, though…

And finally, the man who’d raised his reputation the most in all of this appeared.

“Yo! You hanging in there, mercenary? Sorry it took me so long, Lloyd!”

Allan came in carrying something under his arm. He must have been in a rush, because he was drenched in sweat.

“No need to bow your head, Allan. Finally done with those interviews?”

“Uh, yeah. Basically giving the same canned answers to the same questions over and over…”

Selen looked confused. The belt formed a question mark beside her. “Interviews?” she said. “Who’d want to interview him?”

“You really don’t care about anything but Lloyd, huh? Look.” Choline spread out the paper, pointing to an article. It wasn’t front-page news, but it did have a photo of Allan with it.

“Is there finally a warrant out for your arrest?”

“Says the stalker. It doesn’t even look like a wanted poster!”

Allan seemed uncomfortable with the whole thing, though—like this article wasn’t anything to be proud of.

Curious, Selen quickly skimmed it. “‘Allan Toin Lidocaine sprang into action and saved residents affected by the lighthouse explosion…’ They’re calling you the ideal soldier! What the—?”

“Like it says. Allan happened to be in the area and helped drag some drowning homeless people out of the ocean,” added Riho.

“And since the top brass didn’t think the tournament would generate much buzz, they prettied the story up and pushed it hard. Congrats, Allan. I see promotions in your future.” Choline slapped him on the shoulder.

“This isn’t how I planned to get ahead,” Allan muttered. “But that’s how it goes sometimes.”

“You’re a little happy, though, right? You like being interviewed, and this pose you struck for the photos…”

“Well, the camera people talked me into—”

“Hold up, you struck a pose?!” asked Riho.

Allan nodded in silence. He currently came in as the least cool man in all of Azami.

“Well, now that you’re living proof that our military will never be a meritocracy, what gift did you bring?”

“Belt Princess, knock off the snark or you don’t get any.” Allan gave her a look, then held up the bag under his arm.

“Oh, showing off, are we? This better not be anything weird. Also, we already brought fruit, so I want something else,” snapped Selen.

“Who put you in charge? But fine.” Allan seemed pretty sure of himself.

“Confident, eh?” Choline said.

“Yeah, I got told I don’t understand women and lived to regret it, so this time, I did my research! Time to reclaim my good name!”

He grinned and whipped off the bag, plunking the contents on the table dramatically.

All eyes locked onto—a jar of long green shapes in a yellowish fluid.

Pickles.

“Feast on these! A month’s supply of the café master’s special pickles!”

“…Oh.” Riho’s reaction was super flat. Total poker face.

“Er…huh? You aren’t happy?”

Selen glared at him. “Who brings pickles to a hospital visit? Even for you, that’s weird. You bring shame to the nobility.”

“Y-you’re the last person who should be leveling those accusations, Belt Princess! But…you love pickles, Riho! I heard you devoured them like crazy at the café. I mean, they even nicknamed you Ms. Pickles!”

“…Now…did…they…?”

After forcing one down that fateful day, she’d developed an intense hatred for them…but he had no way of knowing that. Poor man.

Allan was starting to tear up. His lips trembling.

“Well, let’s just ignore the man due for a promotion despite his lack of talent or tact. When the lighthouse blew up, what were you doing, Lloyd?”

Riho was piling on the spite, but Allan was past objecting.

Lloyd shifted around awkwardly.

“Uh, it’s sort of embarrassing… There were lots of misunderstandings, but…I was fighting Phyllo.”

“…Phyllo. That awful poker face lady! Clearly, you beat her into a pulp and washed her down the sewer like a strawberry smoothie, right, Sir Lloyd?!”

Selen was not one to disguise a personal grudge.

At this point, Choline interrupted, looking apologetic. “Uh, actually there’s something I need to tell everyone…”

“…Mm.”

A voice came from the hospital room door. Everyone jumped and turned to look.

Phyllo Quinone had given no more signs of her approach than she did hints of her emotional state. A moment later, her sister, Mena, popped her head in, too.

“Eh-heh-heh! We’re here!”

No appointment? No problem! said her broad smile.

“…We are,” Phyllo said, calmly putting her arms around Lloyd.

“Augh! Ph-Phyllo!”

This hug wasn’t some cute embrace—there was an audible creaking coming from Lloyd’s bones. Sounded like a lot of damage being done.

“Come now, Phyllo. Hugs aren’t supposed to send people to the hospital with compound fractures.”

“…We’re already in a hospital.”

“Oh, right! Then I guess it’s okay.”

“It isn’t! Geez!”

Phyllo hugged him like a small child hugs a puppy. Except with no expression. Selen was not one to let that stand.

“Kua-w-se-drftg-fujiko-1-p!” As Selen spoke in tongues again, her cursed belt thrashed.

At exactly this moment, Mena chose to drop a conversation bomb.

“Phyllo, don’t hug him like that! He’s gonna be your classmate, so you need to be careful with him.”

“““Huh?!”””

Everyone but Choline gaped at her. That left it up to the colonel to cough once and explain.

“Uh, so yeah. Phyllo’s agreed to transfer! Be nice to her.”

“Why?! This doesn’t even make sense!” protested Selen.

“Don’t look at me!” snapped Riho. “I’m as lost as you are.”

“Well,” Mena said helpfully. “We asked the top brass, and they said yes!”

She smiled at her sister, who reluctantly allowed herself to be peeled off Lloyd.

“…Best if I’m with my master,” added Phyllo.

Selen’s eyes narrowed. Oblivious to this, Phyllo’s hands reached toward Lloyd again.

“She’s a good girl, I swear!” Mena said. “Uh, she does have a tendency to challenge boys and beat them into retirement, so watch out for that? Ah-ha-ha.”

Choline’s eyebrow twitched. “…That would be bad… Why’d we agree to take her? Just…keep an eye out for her, you guys.”

Choline seemed to have no insider knowledge here. On the spur of the moment, she had clearly decided the best solution to the problem was to dump it on them.

“Handle her yourself!” Selen snapped. “Lloyd and I want nothing to do with it! It’s Colonel Chrome’s job to stand in harm’s way! Why isn’t he here today anyway?”

“Colonel Chrome is busy putting the Holy Sword in the royal treasure room,” Mena said.

“Oh?” Riho interjected. “If you know that…then you’re gonna be working at the castle?”

“Yep, seems like your country has a lack of mages. And I gotta pay for Phyllo’s education…so I asked if they had any good jobs and got myself appointed magic instructor to the royal guard.”

“Wow,” Riho said, sounding genuinely impressed. “A mercenary getting that kinda job is a pretty big deal! And getting Miss Stone Face over here enlisted, too—you got a connection you’re working?”

“That’s a trade secret…but honestly, I’m as clueless as you are.”

“…Good deeds always come back around,” Phyllo said.

Mena winced. “Nah, we didn’t really… I mean, the only good thing I’ve done lately was get a lady some toilet paper…”

“Toilet paper?”

“Nah, that can’t have anything to do with it. Gotta be the tournament results…”

Who would ever imagine handing over a roll and saving the princess from a bathroom emergency would get you a job at the palace?

Either way, Choline now had herself a magic buddy.

“W-well, I’m glad I ain’t the only mage around! Like, sometimes it felt like there was no one I could talk to, so…glad to have you!”

“Cool! Look after my sister, would you?”

“…If I can’t be your student, then your wife would be the next…”

“Hellllll no! That position’s not available!”

The cursed belt snapped, which Phyllo easily batted away rhythmically, like a boxer with a punching bag.

“…This is good training. Let’s do this again.”

“I’m not a training machine! I’m Sir Lloyd’s partner in life! In the future!”

“…Thanks in advance.”

“I commend you for putting a positive spin on it.” Riho laughed, enjoying the commotion. “Oh…,” she said, soft enough that no one heard her. “So this is what fun feels like…”

It was the sense of fulfillment she’d never found chasing the big score, a meal ticket, or the horse race. She wasn’t yet comfortable with it, but…

—Shove.

“Mmph!”

Her mouth had opened in a smile—and a piece of fruit had been shoved in it.

What in the…? Apple? She turned to look and saw Lloyd leaning over her bed, smiling gently, still trying to get her to say “Ahhh.”

“Eh-heh-heh! Caught you with your guard down, Riho.”

That disarming smile made her eyes go wide…and then she stared at her hands.

“Y-you can’t just do that…you idiot…”

Selen was obviously not going to just watch that. The cursed belt grabbed Riho’s chin, pulling her face closer. “What’s wrong, Riho? Why did you turn red? Was the apple so good it made you blush? The apple Lloyd hand-fed you?!”

“…Sorry?”

“Don’t apologize! It’s a yes-or-no question! Argh, I feel like I’ve lost again!” Selen collapsed on the bed, sobbing.

“…I can’t do anything right,” Allan muttered, bravely working his way through the abhorred pickles. “Dammit! I’ve got to hone both tact and talent until I’m worthy of being Lloyd’s right-hand man!”

He was experiencing the same kind of sadness that comes when you notice your food gift approaching its expiration date.

“Hey, big guy! Enough sniveling! Take those salty tears out of here!” Selen chided.

“Shut up! It’s not like I want to eat them all alone!”

“Wow, vinegar breath!” Selen had decided to recover by going after Allan.

Lloyd was busy cutting up a melon but paused to look happily around the room.

Marie, protecting the country from behind the scenes. Allan, earning his promotion. Riho, wielding her amazing magic. There are so many great people in the world…

Then he glanced out the window at the blue sky above.

Someday, I want to be stronger, too…to be a soldier who can stand proud with them.

It seems Lloyd Belladonna might not grasp his own strength for a while, huh?

As chaos reigned around her, Riho slowly slipped out of bed, took an apple from the basket, and turned to leave.

Only one person noticed her go.

“What’s up?” Mena asked.

“Bathroom.” Riho fluttered a hand.

“Oh,” Mena said, like she’d seen right through it. “Go on, then.”

A tad unsteady on her feet, Riho headed in the direction of a different hospital room.

Rol Calcife was slipping in and out of consciousness.

She couldn’t get her eyes to focus, just barely aware enough to tell she was in a hospital. One leg was wrapped in bandages and suspended in a sling, but she wasn’t at all sure it was hers.

There’s got to be some mistake.

A tiny child had been using ancient runes, the magic of legend, and unleashed the most absurd spell. It was the kind of lost magic that any mage would tell you was nothing but a fairy tale—except she’d seen it happen right in front of her.

The blow to her psyche had been every bit as bad as the physical one. It had loosened the grip her emotions had on her, forcing her to reflect on her own actions.

Ancient runes, huh… Wait, wasn’t Choline babbling about trying to revive those when we were students?

She could see Choline in their old school uniform, working hard with her friends. That girl had started out a one-trick pony and turned herself into a healing magic expert. Regardless of her overall grades, she got a lot of attention as a result.

I knew I couldn’t beat her… All I could do was stop at nothing to climb over everyone else and make myself headmaster.

Dirty tricks, bribes…everything seemed covered in a fog.

Oh…why did I ever want to be headmaster? I don’t…

She’d abandoned her position so readily. Had it ever meant anything more to her than being on top?

The fog parted to reveal a scene from her past, its colors so vivid…

“Yo, Rol! Whatcha gonna teach me today? Time for the big stuff?”

“No, nitwit. Keep drilling those fundamentals.”

“Pfft! This fire spell’s easy-peasy! You gotta teach something bigger!”

“If you mess up that spell, it’ll be a disaster! Fire magic is easy, but it’s the most dangerous! It blows up on you, everything catches fire. If you don’t channel the magic just right, you turn into a human fireball!”

“Then teach me some healing magic so I can fix those burns! The little ones hurt themselves all the time, so I really wanna know how to help them.”

“Dumbass! Healing magic’s the hardest one! Even pros take a full year of training before they can reliably heal people. A year just to heal a pinch of belly fat! And if you mess it up, you’ll leave a pebble or whatever inside festering. Happens all the time!”

“Ew, gross…”

“So practice your fundamentals. You may not be able to peel an apple, much less cook, but you’ve got a knack for magic, Riho.”

“Geez, trying to butter me up… Heh-heh. And you’re real good at teaching, Rol.”

“Ha-ha. I didn’t get a scholarship to Rokujou Sorcery Academy for nothing! This is easy.”

“You’re so lucky… I hope I can make it someday and help everyone like you do.”

“And become more powerful. Tell you what, someday I’ll be headmaster, and I’ll make sure you get a scholarship, too. And make sure everyone involved with the orphanage can take it easy.”

“If both of us make it, we can remodel the whole orphanage!”

“Hell, we can build a new one! A way bigger one!”

“Good luck at Rokujou, Rol.”

“I don’t need it, Riho. I’m gonna be the best there ever was…”

Oh… Staring blankly at the wall of the hospital room, Rol cried out inside. That’s right… When I started… That’s why…

She saw a shadow at the edge of her vision, inhaled a scent she recognized. She pulled her muddled mind awake, forcing her eyes to focus.

“…Hmph.” Riho was sitting on a chair, peeling an apple. Her mechanical arm wasn’t operating smoothly, but she was having no trouble peeling the apple anyway.

“Ri…ho…” Rol’s voice came out as almost a sob.

Riho looked up, surprised. “Oh…”

Their eyes met, and Riho looked uncomfortable. She’d seen that look on Riho’s face before.

“…Tch.” Riho dumped the peeled apple on the side table and got up to leave.

In a hoarse whisper, Rol called after her. “You…”

“…………”

“…You…can peel apples…now…”

This time, it was tears that blurred Rol’s vision. She was seeing her own little sister clearly once more.

“I’ll come again.” Riho moved quickly out of the room as the doctor came in.

The doctor was an older man with graying temples. “A friend of yours?” he asked.

There was a long silence, and then Rol whispered, “…Kind of like a little sister…that I always had to clean up after.”

“Oh yeah? Well, for now, you need to rest.” The doctor gave her a pat on the shoulder and left.

How did I forget? Why did I even want that Holy Sword?

Rol’s eyes closed. She looked at peace—like whatever had possessed her had been banished.

The doctor left the room, walking down the hall.

As he turned the corner, he peeled off the white coat. The chiseled lines on his face and his broad forehead gave him a look of great composure.

If he wore a white coat, he’d look like a doctor. Tails, he’d look like a butler. A karate uniform, like he ran a dojo. He was a man who always looked the part.

Right now, he was donning an old trench coat. This gave him the hard-boiled vibe of a veteran cop or private eye.

“Well, the Holy Sword’s been pulled, so we’re good.”

His voice had a rasp to it, but there was something childish about the way he spoke. He didn’t sound anything like he had in Rol’s room.

“I messed with that kid—Rol’s memories, so there’s no chance anyone will find out it was me… Only question is how do I get the sword out? I can’t touch it myself… Hmm.”

A passing nurse bowed her head, and he bowed back. No one thought his presence here was remarkable. Once he was sure she was gone, he began muttering to himself again.

“Getting the king possessed by Abaddon was only one of my plans, but…my schemes have certainly been ending poorly lately. Though I guess I know who’s to blame?”

He glanced around to make sure no one was looking, then made to leave through the window. Even behavior this strange looked totally normal when he did it.

“Well, well, well. I wonder when I’ll be able to liberate the ultimate prison… The last dungeon…” Scratching his head, he let himself fall to the ground below.

“Well, if push comes to shove…I’ll just have to kill you, Alka.”

This dire statement echoed through the quiet halls in his wake.

Meanwhile, back at Marie’s shop…

“It’s too much! I can’t stay hunched over any longer and plant seeds in a field that goes on forever!” Alka’s robe was streaked with mud, and she was very angry.

“You’re affecting business! Please leave,” Marie said, not looking up from her book. She took a sip of coffee.

“Sure, I kept slipping away to see Lloyd even after I was in trouble! But it’s not fair that my extra punishment means I have to help plant the seeds! And not just help! I’ve got to do the whole thing myself!”

“Oh, please. That’s nothing compared to the toilet hell that your curse put me through! I ran out of paper, you know! If Mena hadn’t come by, things could have been real bad!”

There was a reason she’d gotten that royal guard magic instructor job so easily. If Lloyd (her crush) had been forced to hand her a roll of toilet paper, Marie would have been traumatized for life.

“I’m gonna die in a field… You don’t care if a cute girl turns into compost?!”

“You’re immortal! You wouldn’t die even if I killed you!”

“True! That reminds me: Are you looking after the Holy Sword properly? I could lay a proper barrier down for you if you want. Take several months, be really thorough…”

“How does immortality remind you of a Holy Sword? Look, the villagers are hunting for you.”

Marie pointed at the crystal ball, where furious-looking villagers were searching for Alka. “Jesus,” Alka muttered and turned to head back home.

“Well, not many villains can handle that sword,” the chief continued. “Just promise you’ll take care of it… And more importantly! If I make it through this alive, promise me that I’ve got a passionate kiss from Lloyd waiting for me!”

“I can’t hear you!”

“What’s that grin for?! Why, youuuuuuu… When I’m done seeding, you’ll regret this!”

Marie waved as the loli grandma vanished into the crystal ball. At the time, she had no idea just how much trouble that Holy Sword would cause.

And, well, you can’t forget the real plot of this gamelike story: Suppose you got to the final boss and found out an insignificant item in your starter pack was critical to its defeat.