Chapter 5

An Unnatural Explanation: Suppose You Blamed Everything on the Supernatural, Like in Edo-Period Japan

Warm sunlight was streaming through the windows of the hotel’s unadorned offices.

Coba had been sleeping on his desk, but the light and the sounds of birds singing roused him.

“…Mm? Damn, I fell asleep here?”

The events of the night before had found Coba checking the safety of his guests and personally apologizing to each of them. He’d left the rest of the cleanup to Lloyd and his regular staff and thrown himself into incident reports and detailed damage claims for the police. At some point along the way, sleep had gotten the better of him.

His drool had smeared the letters on the document he’d been in the middle of. “I’ll have to rewrite this one,” he muttered, balling it up and hurling it at a nearby trash can.

He glanced at the clock and saw he still had time before breakfast. Relieved, he forced himself to his feet, headed for the lounge. In his head, he was still trying to figure out where they could serve breakfast with the restaurant in ruins, how to handle the fallout, where to take things next, etc.

“Not the way I’d hoped the holiday weekend would go… Hmm?”

Coba’s bleary eyes had found Threonine, Kikyou, and the hotel staff all facing the same direction, mouths open, as if they couldn’t believe their eyes.

More trouble? More treants? Coba raced over, and what he saw made his jaw drop, too.

“…Owner.”

“…Lord Threonine. What on earth is going on?”

As if the conflict between them had never existed, they glanced at each other once, then back at the sight before them.

Their eyes were fixed on the restaurant the treant had demolished.

But somehow—it wasn’t. Everything was exactly as it had been, as if nothing had ever happened to it. No—it was actually improved, as if it had opened right after remodeling.

Even more astonishing were the guests. Visitors whose anger had forced Coba into a never-ending stream of apologies the night before, guests who’d been left quivering with fear—were streaming into the restaurant as if nothing had happened.

“No clue. I’m as surprised as your staff.”

Then, a boy with a gentle smile poked his head out of the kitchen. It was Lloyd. He saw the other staff all lined up, even though they hadn’t been ordered to.

“Morning, everyone!” he greeted them.

An array of distinct faces appeared behind him.

“Man, I’m bushed!” said a little girl in a white robe—Alka. She yawned and stretched, grumbling to herself. “Spent all night erasing guests’ memories one at a time and casting repair spells on the broken building!”

“Shh…don’t tell them that! What if they demand a detailed explanation?” Marie asked, putting her pointy hat back on. “Plus, this is all your fault for vanishing while the Demon Lord was rampaging. It was a real nightmare!”

“Haven’t done much cooking in a while, but at least we got breakfast ready on time!”

“…Mm.”

The Quinone sisters, Mena and Phyllo, both had suspicious traces of sauce around their lips. Clearly, they’d been snacking.

“You both just stood there eating!” Riho snapped. “I mean…Lloyd basically did everything, so not like I was much better, but at least I set some tables!”

“Heh-heh-heh. I help Lloyd in the meal hall all the time, so I did the most here!” Allan boasted, drying his hands on his apron. It looked rather good on him, really.

“Cooking with Sir Lloyd… Basically, proof of marriage!” Selen moaned blissfully.

Everyone else present just gaped at them.

“Owner, we got the restaurant fixed up early, so we threw ourselves into making breakfast and managed it all in time somehow!” Lloyd explained.

“But…,” Coba said, frowning. “The place was totally demolished… You repaired it overnight? And the customers don’t remember anything that happened… How?”

Marie and Alka looked at each other, whispering.

“See? I told you! Using spells that ridiculous will just arouse suspicion!”

“But I had to! Here I am in a lovely hotel! I don’t want to eat on some trashed terrace surrounded by gloomy folk!”

“Then don’t be so lazy and erase memories of the staff, too!”

“When did you get so drastic, Marie? I don’t know who you get that from.”

It was almost certainly from Alka.

What conclusion did Coba and his staff reach after observing this?

“Well, this is Lloyd we’re talking about! Of course he got it done!”

Their faith in Lloyd was tantamount to abandonment of all thought. Once Coba broke the silence, the rest of the crew chimed in, filling the air with praise for Lloyd.

“Yeah, of course Lloyd handled it!”

“I’m sure he did such a good job apologizing to the guests that they all forgave everything! I certainly would!”

“Lloyd could do a fist pump, and everything would go back to normal!”

Riho shook her head. “This is beyond trust. They’re starting a new religion around him…”

These people were ready to pay a premium for water hand-pumped by Lloyd.

While Threonine was still recovering, the border police approached.

“Lord Threonine, we heard there was a treant rampage…but the building seems intact.”

“Hmm, the whole area was reduced to rubble, but this magnificent boy repaired it overnight.”

“…You seem tired,” one police officer said, clearly concluding that Threonine wasn’t thinking straight.

“And the culprit…?”

“He’s locked up in the wine cellar. I’m afraid my secretary was responsible,” Threonine revealed, with great regret.

“R-really? I thought you suspected the owner?”

“It’s true, I’m afraid. I jumped to conclusions and failed to keep proper tabs on my own affairs. I will accept responsibility for these failings upon my return. This way.”

He led the police toward the wine cellar.

Coba watched them go. Threonine paused to bow one last time.

“Owner…Coba Lamin. I apologize for casting unwarranted suspicion on you.”

“Raise your head, sir. I suspected you, as well…so we’re even.”

But Threonine kept his head down.

“No, my failure to control my subordinates and my bias against Azami are directly responsible for this disaster.”

“That’s enough of that. All our hotel asks is that you continue to grace us with your company.”

Faced with this display of humility, Threonine raised his head and clasped hands with Coba.

“After everything I said, you still forgive me. Thank you, sir. It seems I had the wrong idea about the army of Azami! I promise I’ll stay here again—and this time for pleasure, not business.”

“We look forward to it.”

As the two exchanged a firm handshake, Kikyou nodded to herself nearby.

“Good, good! All’s well that ends well. Make sure you pay me well, Threonine!”

Threonine gave her a suspicious look.

“Kikyou… What did you actually do?”

“Huh?”

“Turns out my secretary was the one the treant infected, so you were not only wrong about that, you let him go berserk. And it was your reports that made me suspect Coba in the first place.”

“Wha— Uh…I didn’t report… W-well, I did suspect the wrong person of being infected, but…”

As Kikyou stammered, Coba took a firm grip on her shoulders.

“I hear you’re actually a spy Threonine hired, Kikyou.”

“I—I was… Uh, sorry for all the deception, but… That hurts?”

“I don’t mind forgiving all that—but you skipped out on far too much work! And half of that had nothing to do with spying.”

“I—I was laying the groundwork to avoid suspicion!”

“Owner,” Threonine said, turning to Coba. “As her employer, I give you permission to work her as long as you please. Consider it my way of repaying you.”

“Accepted!”

“What?!” Kikyou yelped. “I’ve got nothing to repay!”

“And you’ll get no pay from me until Coba’s satisfied! Time to stop being useless!”

“You’ll work off every minute you slacked…and with no spying to do, there’ll be no more slacking!”

“You’re delaying payment?! That makes this just a part-time job! That blows!”

Coba dragged her away.

“So Kikyou’s back to work,” Lloyd said. “I knew she was a hard worker—we can all learn from her!”

His perception of her as a serious veteran coworker had never once wavered.

Once Kikyou was out of sight, Threonine turned to his son.

“Allan, you’ve really grown. You used to be so scared of monsters. I never thought I’d see the day you could manage all that unarmed.”

“D-Dad!”

“When you enlisted in the military, I was concerned for the Lidocaine name and reputation…but it seems you’ve betrayed my expectations in a good way.”

This sudden praise left Allan wiping tears with his apron.

“Well, I’ve been blessed with good friends…and a great master,” he admitted, pointing in Lloyd’s direction.

“Lloyd, I must thank you once again,” Threonine said. “Please train my idiot son well.”

“I-I’m not teaching him anything important!” Lloyd spluttered. “But honestly, Allan’s doing really well and picks up on things fast, so I’m sure he’ll be standing on his own two feet in no time!”

“Well, if you say so, I’m sure that’s true! Good news, eh, Allan?”

“L-Lloyd…I’ve done nothing to earn your praise…”

Lloyd, of course, was talking about cooking. Blissfully unaware of this, Allan sobbed into his apron.

“Didn’t expect anyone to cry after being told they can stand on their own in the kitchen,” Lloyd said, confused.

Selen’s father had been watching all this.

“I suspected you weren’t the eldest Lidocaine boy,” he admitted, totally calm.

Threonine noticed and stepped forward, bowing low. “I apologize for the deception. Lloyd here was a stand-in.”

Threonine further elaborated on his apology, as well as the reason why a proxy had been necessary.

Selen’s father showed no signs of anger—in fact, he almost smiled.

“No, that’s all fine. I should never have forced a marriage arrangement without considering my daughter’s feelings. And…”

He glanced at his daughter, Selen.

“I’m pleased to have learned how she feels.”

“Father…,” she breathed.

He looked away, staring at the label on the drink in his hand.

“Oh, this is that thing shy people do whenever they feel awkward, huh?” Riho said. That explained a lot about Selen’s father. When he had first seen his daughter’s face without the belt, his eyes had immediately dropped to the pamphlet in his hand…and then there were all the times he’d wound up looking at walls or somewhere else entirely.

“You mean…?”

“He was just uncomfortable! He hadn’t seen his daughter in a while, so…?” Lloyd prompted.

Selen’s father nodded curtly. “I hadn’t seen her face in…over a decade. Honestly…I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

He continued examining the drink label from every angle. Definitely some social anxiety going on there.

“You don’t have a shy bone in your body, but your dad totally does.”

Riho’s sarcasm fell on deaf ears. Selen moved to her father’s side.

“Father, I’m going back to Azami. I’m taking school seriously. I’m going to come back a successful soldier.”

Hearing her mind made up, Selen’s father placed the drink back on the table and bowed his head to Lloyd.

“Lloyd, take care of my daughter.”

“No, she’s the one helping me! I don’t deserve any bowed heads…”

But the cliché her father had let slip was all it took to send Selen back to her usual self.

“Parent approved! Time for us to get married! Married!”

“Seriously, did you inherit anything from your father? Like a sense of shame?!”

But in this state, no amount of Riho’s spite could stop Selen. And her father smiled, like fathers did when their kids were having fun.

“Ha-ha-ha…I remember when you were little. Always getting in trouble.”

“She still is!”

“Hush, Riho.”

Selen’s father clearly took their bickering as a sign of friendship.

“I should have taken a better look at you. I promise I’ll be more of a father and watch how your military career turns out, Selen. Good luck.”

“F-Father…”

What a lovely reconciliation.

At this point, one of the border police arrived, looking concerned.

“Er, excuse me… Is there someone named Selen Hemein here?”

“Oh, that’s—” Selen started to say.

But before she could, the cop continued, “Apparently, she had a huge order of bottle bombs sent to the hotel. She was already on our watch lists for stalking in Azami… Anyone know her? We’d like to bring her in for voluntary questioning.”

There was a long silence.

“…That’s the one who went running the second she saw the cops,” Selen said. “Headed for the mountains.”

“What?! Thank you for telling us!”

The police bowed and ran off in the direction Selen had pointed.

“……”

“Don’t look away, Daddy-o,” Riho said, patting him on the shoulders.

His smile had gone from warm to the stoic expression of a businessman forced to apologize to a client for a mix-up. He bowed his head low.

“Lloyd…please…take care of my daughter.”

“Oh Lord, Father! You already said that! Repeating it can’t make Lloyd and me any closer than we already are.”

“Selen, this one meant something else entirely,” Riho explained.

This time, it was definitely along the lines of “supervise and discipline my daughter so her mistakes don’t land her in prison.” But Selen kept putting her own spin on everything.

While all this was going on, Alka was sitting on a couch in the corner, looking lonely and swinging her legs around.

“Hmm, all that work I did, and Lloyd gets the credit! So sad.” It seemed the kid grandma expected more gratitude.

“S-sorry, Chief…I didn’t mean to hog the glory…,” Lloyd apologized.

This was all part of Alka’s plan. Once she got that out of Lloyd, she dramatically exposed her shoulders.

“After all that memory manipulation, I’m just so tired. I have to get a massage!”

This was delivered as if she were reading cue cards, but Lloyd failed to notice.

“Oh? Then let me give you one to make up for it!”

“Heh-heh! Those are the words I wanted to hear!”

The kiddy grandma dove face-first into the nearest couch.

“A…a massage? Wait, Lloyd!” Marie yelped.

“Careful! Make sure you do a proper massage!” Riho insisted.

Both well aware of the false information Lloyd have been given, both very red-faced as a result.

“Yes, Kikyou taught me how to do a proper massage!”

“Then…fine.” Alka paid this no attention, grinning in anticipation.

“Gweh-heh-heh… A proper Lloyd massage… Watch this and weep, riffraff! See the strength of our bond!”

““““…What’s that mean?””””

Rolling his shoulders in preparation, Lloyd approached Alka.

“Okay, massage time! I only just learned what real massages are yesterday, so I hope this goes all right!”

“A real massage? That sounds intense! How much further will it go? You can’t mean…”

Lloyd’s arm slipped around Alka’s waist.

“Whoo! Hands going places! Your ‘real massage’ starts down—”

“Here goes nothing!” Lloyd threw her into a back suplex. Perfect form.

There was a light thunk, and Alka was left with her legs sticking out into the corridor like a victim of The Inugami Family. She moved no more.

“Well, Riho? How was that for a massage?”

“Uh, Lloyd…,” Riho said, looking very serious.

“Yes?”

“If you do that to anyone else, you’ll get arrested. Never do that again.”

“O-oh… What kind of massage do you have to do to escape arrest?!”

Lloyd’s cry echoed through the hotel.

Her head jammed in the floor, Alka’s legs twitched like those of an insect hit with bug spray.

“What goes around comes around.”

“Definitely.”

Neither Marie nor Riho had any sympathy for her.

Suppose a villain invented a weapon and lost her life at its hands. It was a fitting end that deserved no pity.