Chapter 42: Because

Under Sion’s leadership, the group quickly got started. With the preparations done, all that remained was to start the signal fire.

“I believe we can do this by rubbing branches against each other, right?”

“Yes, your knowledge is most impressive, Princess Mia. This time, however, I happen to have brought a flint with me, so allow me to do the honors,” said Keithwood, accurately deducing from her question that her survival skills were half-baked and lay more in the realm of academic interest than practical application. He made a mental note to never leave her alone with anything important to their survival, for he knew well that there was nothing more dangerous than a little knowledge. The most disastrous failures came from those who thought themselves capable.

Looks like I’d better keep an eye on the princess... he thought before his fears were promptly confirmed.

“Oh, I have an idea! If we’re going to look for food, why don’t you let me handle the forest? I’m quite familiar with the things that grow there, you know? All the plants and mushrooms and—”

“That sounds like an excellent idea, but I’m afraid I’ll have to accompany you on your woodland quest, Princess Mia. Since we don’t know what the island is home to, for your safety, I’ll need— humbly request that you follow my instructions when we’re there. Will that be all right?”

He smiled a cordial smile—the kind where the lips and cheeks and eyes were all technically curving in the right directions, but there weren’t quite enough muscles involved for it to be genuine. This subtle imperfection was completely lost on Mia.

“Oh, look at that plant! What was it called again? Something mugwort, I think? It’s supposed to be bitter but edible.”

“Ah, impressive. You’re right on. That’s called Southsea Mugwort. You can remove some of the bitterness by parboiling it. Very nutritious stuff though. Good find.”

Ultimately, Mia and Keithwood had been assigned forest foraging duty. Sion and Abel would keep an eye on the signal fire while trying their hand at sea fishing. Finally, Anne and Nina—and, technically, Esmeralda—would stay in the cavern and make preparations to cook the food the others brought back.

“I give you my word as a Greenmoon that Ni— Ahem, my maid will produce a most delectable dinner worthy of our name. We might be a little lacking in tools, but I’m sure that won’t be a problem. Right?” Esmeralda had said with a questioning glance at Nina, whose eyes shifted diagonally upward as she considered her options.

“Let me think... The menu will be limited, but if we have enough ingredients, I believe I can cook up something reasonable,” she answered, stoically accepting the task Esmeralda threw at her.

Mia studied her for a second.

“Hm... Poor girl, having to put up with Esmeralda’s nonsense all the time,” she muttered to herself before shrugging. “Oh well. She’s got plenty of practice at least. I guess she’ll be fine.”

Blissfully unaware of the inherent irony in her callous comment, she did not notice how Keithwood’s eyes grew distant and weary as he stared at her. Nevertheless, he resisted the urge to comment, and the two departed on their foraging quest with—mostly—no hard feelings.

Now, however, Keithwood was beginning to reconsider. After entering the forest, Mia had discovered plant after edible plant, and they’d quickly amassed quite the collection of succulent greens. It was, if he was being perfectly honest, quite impressive. So impressive, in fact, that it was deluding him into wondering whether he’d been unduly harsh in his appraisal and that her ostensibly half-baked survival knowledge had actually spent far more time in the oven than he’d first thought. Fortunately, Mia immediately disavowed this incorrect assumption of her competence.

“Ah, look! I think this mushroom is one of the edible kinds. In fact, I’m sure of it. My gut is telling me so,” she said as she reached for the fungus.

Keithwood scrambled to stop her.

“For the love of— Ahem. No, Princess Mia. We’ll pass on mushrooms,” he said in a polite but final tone.

“...Excuse me? I’m not sure I understand. Why are we passing on mushrooms?” she asked with a frown.

“Because.”

“Because?”

“Because it’s fine. We’re good. Now let’s move on.”

Mia pouted in protest but, daunted by his stern insistence, reluctantly stepped away from her fungous prize.

“What a terrible shame... It looks so tasty too...”

For the record, the thing she was about to pick was known as the three-day maitake. Its toxicologic properties could be deduced from its name—“maitake” for “dancing mushroom” and “three-day” for...well, three days. Basically, eating one of these would keep you dancing for three days straight due to all the hallucinogenic poison it contained. Definitely not edible. Keithwood just saved everyone’s lives. Or at least their collective dignity.

“Speaking of tasty,” said Mia, her attention promptly shifting to a new object of interest. “Do you see that fruit up there? It looks good, doesn’t it? But I know, as a matter of fact, that it’s actually poisonous.”

“You’re right. That’s an ogre slayer up there. You really do know your stuff,” Keithwood replied, opting to keep to himself the final part of his comment—“Except for when it comes to mushrooms.”

Seriously, what is it about this girl and mushrooms? How can she be so obsessed with them while also being so poorly informed about the things?

He’d only begun to dwell on the walking enigma that was Mia before he abruptly seized her wrist. The motion was becoming sort of a reflex by now. A few inches from her outstretched hand was a white mushroom, its hue so bright and brazen that it all but screamed “lethally toxic.” They both stared at it for a second before meeting each other’s gaze.

“...Yes?” he asked with a level look.

“Oh, I just, um...” she said, her tone sheepish but her hand unretracted. “I’ve never seen this mushroom before, and it looked sort of interesting...and I was wondering if maybe it could add some flavor to our dinner? Like a secret ingredient or something?”

“It cannot.”

“But, but, it might taste really good—”

“We cannot use it.”

“Mushrooms really bring out the flavor in a soup, you know? Especially in hare stew—”

“If you want hare stew, we’ll have to catch a hare first. And find something to stew it in. Therefore, I believe the proper progression should be to worry about flavors and secret ingredients after we procure those items first. Does that sound right to you, Princess Mia?”

He smiled. Well, his lips did, anyway. Nothing else on his face involved themselves in the effort.

“Ugh, fine,” she said, finally relenting before adding with a sigh and a what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you shake of her head. “But Keithwood, you really need to learn to be a little more flexible. You won’t make any friends if you’re always such a party pooper.”

A vein popped on his temple, but he maintained his smiling facade and kept reminding himself of her generosity with the cookies until it receded. A cookie’s worth of gratitude goes a long way!

“Let’s ignore the mushrooms for now and focus on gathering ingredients that require as little preparation as possible. Would that be all right with you, Princess Mia?”

“Yes, yes, go ahead. I swear, you’re lucky I’m so accommodating...”

Keithwood’s vein got a good workout that day.