Chapter 16: Princess Mia...Turns On God Mode

Mia was, by and large, not a morning person. If she could get away with it, she’d gladly sleep until noon, then spend a few more hours lazing in bed. In her world, slovenly decadence was the highest of virtues. Recently, however, her lifestyle had been undergoing a gradual metamorphosis. All that horse riding practice she’d been doing so diligently had been draining all her energy, leaving her absolutely exhausted by the time she shambled back into her room. Having bottomed out on stamina, she slept like a rock which, funnily enough, actually led to very restful nights. Her sleep was deep and steady, and she’d wake up early the following morning raring to go. Early nights and early mornings with a good helping of exercise. Mia, against all odds, had become a poster child for a healthy lifestyle.

Normally, after waking up, she’d either loll around in bed for a while or (re)read one of the novels Elise had sent her. Now, she was getting up at the same time as Anne. Which was good, because...

“Hm, since I managed to get up so early today, I guess I should go pay them a visit... I did say I’d go whenever I could. I mean, I might not be perfectly consistent, but I should at least show up on the first morning after promising. I’d feel sort of bad otherwise...”

As usual, her thought process reeked of poultry. Nevertheless, in a laudable display of discipline, she got out of bed, quicked dressed, and made her way to the stable.

“Whoa, you sure are early, miss,” said Malong, failing to hide his astonishment. “I wasn’t expecting to see you at this hour...”

“I’ll take those words and throw them right back at you.” Mia’s tone was equally surprised. “I didn’t think you’d be tending to the horses at this hour either. Don’t tell me you’re up this early every morning.”

“Well, I mean, this one’s about to give birth, so I like to check up on her more often. Besides, it gives me time to give the place a quick sweep. I like keeping the stable as clean as possible.”

“In that case, can I do anything to help?”

“Let me see... Do you want to clean the place together?”

“All right.”

Malong handed Mia a long pitchfork used for the stalls. She took it and rolled up her sleeves.

Okay, if I’m doing this, then I’m going to do a good job. Malong and Anne are both watching, so I can’t afford to slack off. Plus, this is my chance to ingratiate myself with Kayou!

After finishing all her assigned tasks, Mia departed the stables.

“Phew, I’m exhausted...and my arms hurt. Ugh...”

Suddenly, she felt a cool breeze on the back of her neck. The sensation was refreshingly pleasant on her sweat-soaked skin. She stretched, allowing her tired muscles to relax...before they all tensed at once as she jumped in surprise.

“Eeek! Wh-What was tha— Oh, it’s you...”

Kuolan had somehow walked up to her unnoticed and was currently standing languidly behind her. The breeze she’d just felt had actually been a breath. With this added context, the experience suddenly felt a lot less refreshing. It brought its muzzle close to her hair, nostrils twitching the way it always did when her head was within sneezing distance. Mia, however, did not run. Instead, she faced it with arms akimbo.

“Hah, too bad for you. It doesn’t matter how dirty I get, because I’m about to go for a morning bath! Come on, go ahead! Do your worst!”

That’s right. By getting some morning exercise, Mia had effectively turned on God Mode. She was now invincible to filth and grime. All that cleaning she’d done in the stable had left her sweat-soaked, so she was on her way to the bathhouse. The way she saw it, she could have a tub of mud dumped on her at this point and it wouldn’t matter, because she was going to wash it all off anyway.

It was more or less the same as spreading honey on bread. Suppose that she was having breakfast, and there was a loaf of bread with a jar of honey. Mia, being something of a budding epicure, had a preferred way of eating bread with honey that she always followed. Specifically, she’d break the loaf in two, revealing its fluffy innards. Then she’d spread honey over the exposed surfaces. She’d completely coat the inside before taking a bite, so it was possible for her to have some fun with the honey beforehand. Like drawing some honey art. Or at least some honey doodles.

For example, and this is entirely hypothetical, she could scribble “Mia♥Abel” and giggle to herself for a while before covering the rest of the surface with honey to hide her tracks. Again, this is entirely hypothetical. While it’s true that doing so would often result in more honey on her bread, which certainly sounds like the kind of thing she’d do all the time, it would be slanderous to claim that she actually engaged in such acts, and any accounts of such should be treated as evidence of the interminable spread of fake news.

At any rate, by applying the principles of I’ll-just-cover-it-with-more-honey-after-ism, or perhaps you-can’t-prove-I-did-it-if-I-eat-the-evidence-ology, Mia decided that since she was going to get herself cleaned up in the bath anyway, she didn’t care how dirty she got. God Mode Mia had nothing to fear!

“What’s the matter? Come on! Sneeze on me all you want! Go nuts! It won’t bother me one bit!” she said, all but cackling while she taunted Kuolan. The sheer smugness on display was, frankly, very annoying.

Kuolan, for its part, just sort of...turned its face away and plodded off.

“Oho—ho? Huh? You’re not going to sneeze?”

She stared at its retreating rump, feeling a kind of awkward frustration as if a punchline had been left undelivered. A hint of disappointment clouded her brow.

“Hnnnngh, I’m finally in a position to stick it to that stupid horse by shrugging off its sneezes, and he just ignores me? Does he know? Was he doing it on purpose all those other times? Or...maybe he has finally decided to kneel before my superiority.”

And with timing so perfect it could be attributed to almost nothing except linguistic comprehension, Kuolan stopped exactly when she finished her last sentence. It looked at her, pulled up the corners of its lips...

Neigh-hee-hee.

...And laughed. Or it sounded like laughing to Mia, at least.

“Wh-What the— You— Did you just laugh at me? Grr, you stupid horse! You’re definitely doing this on purpose!”

Kuolan spared her no further glances. Instead, it simply shook its big, bushy tail at her.

“Augh! Stop that! Am I just a joke to you?”

Swoosh swoosh went the horse’s tail, the motion as lazy as it was mocking.