Chapter 6: A Heartfelt Friendship Forms!

The attendant to the esteemed Sunkland prince, Sion Sol Sunkland, was an outstanding young man by the name of Keithwood. As a swordsman, he could hold his own against the genius that was Sion. As a lady’s man, his refined etiquette and reserved smile won him the secret affections of many young women. He was quick on his feet, both in action and in thought, and he proved an invaluable moderator to Sion, whose passion to do what’s right had a tendency to veer into recklessness. With composure, good sense, and a trusty blade, he’d kept his master safe through thick and thin. Even in the worst of times, he’d rarely failed to meet his challenges with a calm smile. Never failed, in fact. Until he came to Saint-Noel, that is...

...How? How is it that these problems just keep coming one after another?

His head spun as he stared at the walking disaster that was the princess before him. The disaster smiled, brimming with enthusiasm, and said, “I’m thinking of making some sandwiches like we did that other time. Could I ask you to help us again?”

“I— But... Huh?” he stammered, too distraught for coherence. All he knew was that trouble was brewing, and he was sitting in the cauldron with it.

To put things in context, this conversation occurred a few days after the mushroom hunting trip was finalized. At Mia’s request, Keithwood had come to the student council office, only to be immediately told that she was making sandwiches, and she wanted him to help. First he thought he’d heard wrong. Then he wished he’d heard wrong.

“M-My apologies, but I’m not sure I follow,” he said as he stared wordless don’t do this to mes at her.

She didn’t get the message.

“Well, we’re going mushroom hunting soon, right? So I thought it’d be nice if we made sandwiches to bring for lunch. I was hoping you’d come help us make them.”

Keithwood battled his throbbing temples with his fingers. Something about this situation wasn’t right. It just had to be. But a good half of his wits had been shocked into oblivion, forcing him to struggle through a haze of confusion with the few that remained.

“I’m...terribly sorry, but could you perhaps explain this idea in more detail? I’m having trouble figuring out which part of it is unreasonable.”

“How rude! There’s nothing unreasonable about it. We decided a few days ago that we’re going mushroom hunting, correct?”

“Yes, to my deep dismay.”

He wished they hadn’t, but what was done was done. The mushroom trip was happening.

“I’d prefer to have enough time to wander and just enjoy the scenery in the forest, so I think we should go in the morning and come back in the afternoon. That way, we won’t have to rush.”

“That does sound like a reasonable proposition.”

The route they’d carefully drawn using Rafina’s map was admittedly a good one. It would afford a sufficiently comfortable pace for even the less athletic members like Mia and Chloe to enjoy themselves.

“We’ll be in the forest for most of the day. According to this map, it looks like there’s a clearing in the forest that’s perfect for a picnic. I think we should have lunch here.” She indicated a spot on the map.

“This place, huh? The goal of the trip is for everyone to get to know each other better... To that end, lunch in a forest clearing does seem like a good social activity.”

It was a good plan. There was nothing unreasonable about it. He nodded in approval.

“So, I figured I’ll make some sandwiches and bring them—”

“Bingo!” exclaimed Keithwood, his usual courtesy faltering before a sense of triumph. “That’s it, right there!”

“Huh? What’s where?”

“The problem! I fu— finally found it. Okay, so I understand why you want to bring sandwiches. But the question, you see, is why must you make them yourself?”

“Well, I’m not making them on my own. Anne and Chloe will be helping. I’ll get Tiona and Liora to help too.”

Mia Rangers Assemble! The Floundering Five was back for round two with all cast members reprising their roles. They weren’t exactly incompetent, but they were definitely less than the sum of their parts. Recalling his past experience leading the motley crew of young ladies gave his headache a headache.

“It was only our first attempt last time, and we all did such a great job,” Mia continued, ostensibly unaware of the monumental effort required of Keithwood to bridge the first clause to the second. “Now that we have experience, we’ll do even better. We could just ask the kitchen cooks to do it, but I bet they’ll be tastier if we make them ourselves.”

Keithwood barely managed to choke back an acerbic comment. The sheer oblivious confidence in her smug expression was almost too much.

“And it gets even better, because guess what? This time, Miss Rafina will be joining us!” she declared with all the pomp of divine decree.

He wheezed in amazement. Well, what Mia assumed was amazement, anyway. In truth, it was more of a fight-or-flight response to the Floundering Five’s abrupt upgrade to the Stress-Inducing Six.

“Lady...Rafina?” he stammered, trying to work through the implications of this new addition.

“Yes. I asked her to join us, and she agreed. I’m so glad we’ll have someone so reliable with us.”

...Reliable? Is that actually true? The Holy Lady of Belluga is admittedly endowed with wisdom. Her displays on the dance floor suggest she’s also fairly coordinated. I suppose it’s not too much of a stretch to imagine she dabbles in cooking.

He couldn’t dismiss the possibility. Still...

That’s like throwing a dart and hoping it lands on a specific grain of sand on a beach! I can’t be counting on something like that to pan out!

The rationalist in him bristled at the thought. It was far too risky a bet.

“Th-That’s...certainly promising. But let’s not forget that everyone is busy these days. Maybe it would be best to speak to the kitchen and, you know, let the professional cooks do the cooking. I’m quite busy myself too, so I might not be available to supervise...” he said, figuring his absence would be a terminal blow to her plan.

He woefully overestimated his own worth. Or perhaps underestimated her folly.

“My, I’m sorry to hear that. Well, if you’re too busy, then don’t worry about it. We girls will handle it ourselves this time.”

“...Never mind. I’ll be there. Please don’t try anything without me watching.”

He quickly back-pedaled. The implications of an unsupervised Mia given free rein over food preparation were too much to bear, never mind her with five other clueless girls.

Scorching suns... Here I was worrying about losing Sion to poisonous mushrooms. Turns out, he might not even make it that far.

Just as Keithwood was feeling like all was lost, a new voice threw him a lifeline.

“Have no fear, Keithwood. I heard the story and I’m here to help.”

A figure appeared at the door.

“Lord Sapphias?”

Son of a duke, heir to the House of Bluemoon, and the student council’s official assistant to the secretary, Sapphias Etoile Bluemoon strolled into the room with an easy smile. Keithwood eyed him with perplexed surprise. Sapphias walked over and laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder before turning to Mia.

“Oh? Sapphias, what are you doing here? I don’t believe your help is required. Or do you mean to suggest there is something wrong with my plan?”

“It pains me to say this, Your Highness, but as a matter of fact...” His tone grave, Sapphias shook his head. “There’s something missing from your plan.”

“My! Missing? From my perfect plan? And just what exactly might that be?”

Mia piped up, half surprised and half indignant. Beside her, Keithwood gritted his teeth as his vision began to swim.

Ugh, just... For the love of the sun, please don’t give her any more crazy ideas...

To Keithwood’s profound dismay, Sapphias proceeded to explain his idea.

“Simple. It’s the element of surprise, Your Highness.”

“...Surprise?”

Mia blinked a few times. Seeing that his suggestion had caught her off guard, Sapphias continued with a pleased smile.

“Absolutely. Surprise. You need to keep people on their toes. Consider the nature of the event you’re planning. It’s a mushroom hunting trip. What a marvelously unique idea! One sure to be filled with new experiences and fresh delights. And yet, for this extraordinary occasion, you propose to preface it with the making of sandwiches which, to my knowledge, is an activity you’ve already partaken in. Don’t you see? Next to the thrill of the fresh and new, the sandwich making will feel trite. There won’t be any novelty to it.”

“Novelty...”

“Your Highness’s idea, if I may be so bold, is lackluster, as bland as tea brewed with used leaves.”

“U-Used leaves?” Mia winced. That one hurt. “I...suppose that’s true. The sandwiches had so much impact during the swordsmanship tournament because I wasn’t expected to make them, but I did so anyway. This time, that element of surprise won’t be available to me...”

After some thought, she clapped her hands once.

“All right, I see your point. So basically, sandwiches aren’t enough, right? I need to make something more elaborate!”

“No, you misunderstand me,” Sapphias hastily corrected. “What I mean is that since the girls team made the sandwiches last time, I propose that you let us boys handle it this time.”

“You? Make sandwiches?”

Mia frowned at the idea, but Sapphias continued.

“Absolutely. I plan to solicit the assistance of the princes as well. Oh, Keithwood, fetch us a couple of prince-quality aprons, would you?”

“A-Aprons?!”

At the mention of aprons, Mia’s frown disappeared.

“...Much obliged, Lord Sapphias. Your help couldn’t have been more timely,” said Keithwood with a weary sigh after Mia left the room.

It took some convincing, but they managed to talk her out of getting personally involved in any form of food preparation. Sapphias gave a wry shrug.

“Eh, it’s fine. No skin off my nose. Besides, judging by how white your knuckles were, I assume Her Highness’s prowess in the kitchen is...better left unwitnessed?”

Sweet sun high above... I think I’m going to cry...

Keithwood was pretty sure he now knew what it felt like to be on the cusp of losing a battle and suddenly see an allied army charging down the hill. It felt good. Doubly so, because the person coming to his rescue was someone he’d previously written off. His emotions were having a moment right now.

Mia Luna Tearmoon was endowed with overwhelming charisma. Those who beheld it quickly found themselves enthralled and bereft of reason. Almost no one could escape its influence. Not even the Holy Lady Rafina. Both his own master, Sion, and the Remno prince, Abel, had experienced lapses in judgment owing to their admiration for her.

Humans were not monoliths. They had facets, and not every facet was of equal quality. No one could do everything perfectly. Yet, for some reason, people seemed willing to think so of her. To assume things would work out fine so long as the idea came from her. It had somehow become the norm to place this kind of faith in her capabilities.

But it was an irresponsible faith. The norm was wrong. Because, at least when it came to cooking, Princess Mia was not to be trusted. And after all this time, at long last, Keithwood had found a comrade in the student council. A fellow skeptic who could still perceive the shadow of reasonable doubt before her blinding radiance.

“It’s actually because, uh,” said Sapphias, scratching his head sheepishly, “I’ve sort of gone through something similar. There was a time when my fiancée was really into cooking. I mean, she’s the daughter of a high-ranking noble, so I obviously told her to knock it off and leave it to the servants. But wouldn’t you know it, she just got more adamant and insisted that she make a meal herself, so... Ha ha, this was a long time ago, but, well... It’s a pretty funny story now, but at the time, I think I had nightmares for weeks.”

He laughed. It was an earnest laugh, free of lingering trauma. Then, he continued.

“In general, I’m of the opinion that if someone you love makes you food, then you do not leave any on the plate. But.” He paused for emphasis before his voice grew more impassioned. “Let me just state very clearly that this stance of mine applies exclusively to food. And I do not consider charcoal or raw meat to be food. If I bite into a thing and end up looking like I’d licked a chimney or attempted live cannibalism, then—”

Keithwood coughed.

“...I believe you’ve made your point, Lord Sapphias,” he said, pointedly glancing around before nodding a silent reminder at Sapphias that this particular grievance of his was best left unheard by others.

“R-Right. Anyway. The point is, what I just did was the same method I used back then to convince her to stop. It is, you see, a fundamental desire of women to try to cook by themselves, but they are also possessed of an equally strong desire to watch men cook.”

“I see... Wise words. They have been duly noted.”

Keithwood was, as a general rule, pretty popular with the ladies, but he’d never engaged with any particular girl for long nor developed a deep relationship with one. Being Sion’s attendant kept him far too busy for such ventures. As a result, he felt a hint of admiration for Sapphias, who’d committed himself to his fiancée for long enough to have seen all her bad sides and yet was still willing to openly declare his love for her. Furthermore...

“So,” Sapphias continued, “what followed was, put simply, a trial by fire for me and her younger brother. We cooked. A lot. It was pretty intense. We were literally fighting for our lives, because if we made something bad, she might just decide that she should cook after all. In the end, we got pretty good at it.”

This was just about the last skill Keithwood would have expected Sapphias to have, but nevertheless, it meant that the student council boys team was now balanced. Though Sion and Abel knew nothing about cooking, they’d have a pair of experienced kitcheneers in Keithwood and Sapphias. If Sapphias’s attendant could cook, then they’d have access to even more help. Overall, the situation was looking far more optimistic. Feeling like a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders, Keithwood let out a long breath.

“All right. If that’s the case, then I could hardly ask for a better plan. I’ll convince milord.”

“And I’ll talk to the others. We’ll get through this predicament together.”

Sapphias held out his hand and Keithwood clasped it with a firm grip, thus began a curious new friendship.

This international camaraderie would persist even after Sapphias graduated from the academy and returned to the empire, serving as the basis of a rare episode among the tales of the Great Sage of the Empire, in which the titular character, Mia Luna Tearmoon, played the role of the villain.