Chapter 28: Thread

Down and down Shalloak fell into a deep and unending darkness. It was an empty world without sight, without sound, without smell or taste or even warmth.

I see... So this is what it’s like to die...

He’d reached the last stop. His life would now end. Everything would end. The plans he had for tomorrow, the goods he was preparing to sell... It would all be for naught. Severed forever from existence. Faced with this reality, Shalloak found himself unexpectedly shaken.

He’d known how his end would feel. That dream had shown him. He’d seen this day coming. But it’d always been coming. Some day. Eventually. He never thought it’d arrive so suddenly. No more was he the unflappable, unfeeling merchant. He panicked. Emotions gripped him. Anxiety, fear, and dismay wrapped their shapeless tendrils around his heart.

Pride had kept him firm in his resolve to uphold the validity of the life he’d lived. But pride was powerless before the eternal nothingness of death. It ripped away his facade, leaving only regret. Undeniable, inescapable regret.

He heard his own voice echoing.

I see. So I failed, then I failed to acknowledge my failure. And when presented with chances to make things right, I failed again and again, letting them slip away from me.

He’d lived a life of obstinacy, failing by his own choice until the bitter end. Despair began to eat away at his soul. He now knew that the dream had come true. Just like it foretold, he’d never wake again. As the last vestiges of strength faded from him, he felt himself sink. The thick swampy gloom below engulfed him.

And that was when he saw it—a strange thread, white and thin. It dangled down, somehow parting the surrounding darkness as it extended toward him. The thread seemed so frail, it might come apart at the slightest tug. He reached for it nonetheless, not knowing why he did or what he hoped to accomplish. Like a drowning man grasping at a straw, he desperately stretched his arm, his hand, and even the tips of his fingers toward it...

Then, he woke up.

“Mmm... Where...”

All was white. A voice sounded in his ear.

“Master Shalloak, you’re awake.”

He turned his head toward it. As his sight returned, a young girl appeared in view. He recognized her.

“You... You were with Princess Mia...”

“My name is Tatiana. I’m currently studying at Saint-Noel Academy thanks to the scholarship program you created.”

“Whuh? Wait, that’s—”

An odd voice seemed to follow Tatiana’s, but his foggy mind, already struggling to process her statement, lacked the capacity to ponder it further.

“Scholarship? Ah...”

An old memory resurfaced of when he’d still been a fresh sprout of a merchant. He had indeed created something of the sort after he’d successfully wrapped up his first big job. Back then, he’d still been naive enough to say that he wanted to use his profits for the good of others and society.

So foolish. So clueless. I knew neither the harshness of the world nor the cruelty of human nature. It was the ignorant deed of an ignorant man.

Scholarship program? He’d scoff if he had the strength to. Not a single gold coin came of that pointless endeavor.

Nothing but silly sentimentality. It’s all worthless...

He paused and considered the thought again. A sardonic smile crept across his lips.

“Which, I suppose, perfectly sums up my life as well.”

Having peered into the essence of his life and finding it devoid of meaning or value, he’d lost his way. He no longer knew what was right.

“I see that you’ve returned to us.”

Hearing another voice, he looked in its direction.

“It gives me much relief to know that you’re safe, if not entirely sound.”

The princess of Tearmoon stood before him.

“...Your Highness? What brings you here? I don’t assume you’re here just to wish me a fast recovery.”

Mia did not respond immediately. She traded a quick glance with Tatiana, as though seeking confirmation, only to shake her head. Then, she showed him a sly, toothy smile.

“As a matter of fact, no. I came here to finish you off.”

“Oho, how menacing. What will it be then? Poison, perhaps?”

Shalloak tried to sit up in his bed, but Mia held up a hand to stop him.

“Easy there, don’t hurt your— Uh, I mean, it’s going to be a problem if you pass out again. I’d appreciate it if you just kept lying down.”

Had this been the former Shalloak, he’d surely have risen anyway. To him, a basic principle of negotiating successfully was assuming the correct posture. Was it more effective to stand tall and look down his nose, or remain seated and project arrogance? It depended on the situation. Sometimes, bending at the knees or even prostrating himself could be the right choice. Regardless, it was a choice he made based on his judgment. This time, however, he simply obeyed Mia’s instruction. His close shave with death had removed from him all desire and reason to put on fronts.

“Yes, yes, just like that. It’s so nice when people just listen. To answer your question though, no, it will not be poison. In fact, I don’t have to do anything at all.” Mia smiled calmly at him. “We all must reap what we sow. That which will finish you off is none other than the seeds you’d sown yourself.”

Shalloak blinked once at the claim. Then, he grimaced in understanding.

“Ah... Well said. I couldn’t agree more.”

Reflecting on the source of his despair, he found that there was nothing but truth to her words. That which would finish him off was certainly not poison.

“In a way, it could even be said that you’ve already met your end,” she continued.

If that was death, that absoluteness of despair, and being consumed by it was simply a matter of time...then maybe he had indeed already met his end. He already knew the “how” of his death. What difference did the “when” make? Her biting remark pierced his chest and shook his soul.

“What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t go around sowing seeds you can’t handle, but I guess my advice is too little too late, isn’t it? Your end is your own making, Shalloak.”

“It does seem to be, doesn’t it...?”

He slowly shook his head.

Where did I go wrong...?

He must have, if the last stop in his life’s journey was that dark abyss of despair...

Perhaps a death without hope or salvation was the last stop in everyone’s journey. Perhaps, in the end...the void came for them all. But in that moment, he found the thought a hard pill to swallow, because the girl before her, having climbed to the heights of the Great Sage of the Empire, did not seem to conform. He simply couldn’t imagine her meeting the same empty end.

Sowing seeds I can’t handle, huh... So there are people who can find peace in that abyss of despair, then? I suppose there are, but I lack the strength to be among their ranks. But what am I to do with this realization? What was I ever supposed to do?

Mia watched as he fell into a rare moment of somber pensiveness. For some reason, there was pity in her gaze.