Chapter 9: The Life of the Man of Contradictions

 

 

 

Chapter 9: The Life of the Man of Contradictions

 

THIS man’s heart held a profound contradiction at its base. It was a contradiction so clear-cut you could almost say he had a dual personality. One side of him embraced evil and longed to fulfill his duty, the other side rejected evil and yearned for someone to put a stop to his actions.

It had been due to his experiencing love that this contradiction was born in him. If it hadn’t been for that all-consuming love, he probably wouldn’t have turned out to be such a failure. However, he didn’t regret the way he was, neither did he feel bitter about it. The only thing he did was apologize inside his head, over and over again.

Please, forgive me. Please, forgive me. Please, forgive your good-for-nothing father. Mia. My sweet daughter born from the woman I loved so dearly. Please, forgive me for the choices I have made.

***

THE man’s earliest memories consisted of the endless lessons his father, the former head of the family, gave him. These memories felt more like an imprinting than anything else. The man was a sorcerer, an evil one at that—an enemy of all mankind. He had been taught that the mighty magic he wielded was to be used for one purpose only—to make a long-cherished desire passed on through the generations come true.

That long-cherished desire was “world domination”. A silly ambition, very much like something out of a comic book. However, the man did not think it foolish, not even for a minute, for since a tender age, he had been immersed in the philosophy of world domination to the point that it had been an integral part of his entire worldview.

There was no crack through which doubts or questions could seep into his thinking. Ever since he had been but a small child, he had been learning magic and striving to master it in order to achieve world conquest. This had been the only use of his time that had been tolerated.

There were appearances to be kept up since they had lost so much to the Champions of Justice, so he went to school and kept his identity secret. However, he could never blend in with his surroundings, sticking out like a sore thumb wherever he went. He didn’t talk much to his classmates; whenever he said something, it was always in a high-handed, peremptory manner, with him looking down on everyone else. Who would want to be friends with such a child?

A part of him always wished the hidden schools and the numerous servants that taught past generations of his organization were still around, but all of that had been lost along with their wealth and influence.

The man was always alone. …He was special. It was preposterous to think that he could be categorized as a mere “human”. He and his kind were something beyond the limitations of human; they were the chosen ones of the world. Why else would they possess such arcane power? As the man thought everyone else to be beneath him, he never regarded being lonely and friendless as a nuisance.

His father stood at the head of the remnants of an evil organization and fought the Champions of Justice, all in order to fulfill the longstanding ambition of world conquest. To his father, the man was a “spare”. If the father whom he revered were to breathe his last before he could realize his goal, the man would inherit his will and take up the fight. That was one of the reasons he continued to study magic. Day in, day out, he strived to perfect the magic meant to cement his family’s goal of world domination. His body and mind existed solely for that purpose, for if not that, what other meaning did his existence have?

 

***

 

TIME passed, and he advanced to university. Despite his strong misgivings about stooping so low as to sully his hands by participating in worldly matters, he now had to make a living as his family’s wealth grew more minuscule with each passing day. To do that, it was necessary to get an education. That put him face to face with all sorts of dilemmas, but he continued on his path, throwing himself into his studies. It was there that he first met her.

A cheerful and free-spirited girl, she never put on airs. Her manner of speaking was clear and brisk; when she presented her research paper, she did so in a very accessible manner, her findings thought-provoking. Dynamic, guileless, and lively, she wasn’t one to think about things too deeply. And yet, during group discussions, she somehow displayed the ability to identify the heart of the matter with surprising precision, positively influencing their pace.

She was easily inspired, her intuition extraordinarily keen. She was popular among both men and women; making friends came to her just as easily as breathing. She spent her days surrounded by animated talking and laughter. The man wasn’t immune to her charms either—and so, he fell in love.

At first, he wasn’t even aware of his sudden attraction—his eyes just seemed to follow her whenever she appeared in his sight. In their shared classes, he always chose a seat where he could see her. When they were assigned group work, she would always randomly pick people in her immediate vicinity to form a group with, so he made an effort to sit closer to her so that he would end up on her team.

…While still oblivious to his own feelings, as he got to talk to the girl more, schoolwork ceased to be the only topic of their conversation. They began eating lunch in the university cafeteria together, went to the library to look for materials for their next group presentation, and read said materials over tea. Each time they met, the man discovered new charms about the girl. The man yearned to learn more about her, and soon, she was all he could think about. He was completely captivated by her.

As he spent more and more time around the girl, he began behaving in a different manner. It was probably thanks to her influence. Like how the passage of time polishes the surface of a rough, pointy rock down to reveal a rounded, smooth pebble hidden underneath, so did the man turn calmer and kinder in her presence.

He had been blessed with good looks from birth; now that his beautiful features were tempered with newfound softness, he made many a young woman’s heart beat faster. The girl didn’t remain unaffected by the way the man was changing either; in the spring two years after they had first met, they became lovers.

The man only ever revealed the fact that he was a sorcerer to two people—one of them being the girl, the other being the man he was closest to at the university. When he first showed them his magic, he watched the doubt on their faces make way for wide-eyed amazement. He was actually not supposed to let anyone know about his true nature, but he found himself wanting to share it with the two closest to him no matter the consequences, for they were the most important people to him: his lover and his best friend.

They asked him all sorts of things about his magic, their eyes sparkling, and he answered, explaining to them about the way his powers worked. He never knew that opening his heart to people could feel so wonderful. The man discovered the bliss that was being surrounded by the people you love. Maybe it would’ve been better for him if he hadn’t.

***

HE found out that she didn’t have much longer to live two years into their marriage, after their daughter had been born. The doctor letting him know she had a disease was like a bolt out of the blue. And yet, that was an undeniable fact, a part of his reality now. He desperately searched for a way to cure it, like a madman. When he soon discovered that it was impossible through scientific and medical means, he was left to rely on his arcane powers.

Pouring his heart and soul into the words and then chanting them—that was his magic. He detailed the image of the girl recovering from her illness countless times in his head; he even did research on her ailment, and imbued his words with a fervent wish to eradicate the cancerous disease eating away at her body. Then he pronounced the formed words, again and again and again. He cast spells upon her an infinite amount of times, but he couldn’t achieve the impossible. Magic, it turned out, wasn’t all-powerful.

He had been so sure that if he spoke the words with the right intent, he could do anything, but he discovered that all his spells could produce was an “external” effect: protecting his body from physical attacks, conjuring up hailstones or blades of wind, materializing jewels. Those were all “external” phenomena. Tampering with internal affairs, especially those of someone else’s body, was something he couldn’t do. He didn’t know that. Understandably so, for before he had met the girl, he had never shown interest in other human beings.

The man wept, apologizing to the girl, but she continued to smile at him kindly until her last breath.

“Thank you. You know, meeting you and becoming your wife has made me so, so happy. Thanks to you, our little Mia was born into this world. I love her so much it hurts. But, I’m sorry. I’m the one who has to apologize. I’m so sorry I have to leave you and Mia. I love you both with all my heart. And I love the world you both live in too. So, please, don’t give in to despair. You still have Mia.”

…A few days after that, she passed away.

***

WAS she consciously trying to impress something upon him or were her words devoid of some deeper, hidden meaning? The girl had died without revealing that secret. However, it was those last words of hers that drove a wedge in his heart, splitting it in two.

World domination, the long-cherished desire of all sorcerers, the calling that begs to be fulfilled. That was supposed to be the way of it, but her words had shaken the man to his very core. Part of him insisted, “I must,” while part of him cried, “I don’t want to”. It took the man loving the girl, and then losing her to start having his doubts.

He continued studying magic under his father’s tutelage. He went through with the training, his heart being torn apart by the irreconcilable contradiction all the while. It was as if another version of himself now resided within him, asking him, “Is this what you really want?” whenever he obediently followed his father’s teachings.

However, there was no erasing the lessons ingrained in his very being. He could not deny the part of him that worked towards world conquest, but there was now also a part of him that grabbed him by the hand in a bid to prevent him from going through with it. It was pure madness. The man felt himself going crazy.

That was why, after searching his soul, he reached a certain decision. Using technology he had developed for his job, he planted transmitters inside his own and his daughter’s body and handed his best friend a tracking device connected to them.

His father’s days were numbered. It was obvious that his health had been deteriorating since the day he fought the last of the true Rangers and obliterated their suits and weapons. If he continued to use magic in an attempt to take over the world at the current rate, he would soon perish. Yes, his father was wasting away, clearly so. When his father died, he would have to come forward to take up the mantle of Supreme Ruler of Evil.

However, his father’s time in power had stretched on for far too long. Most of the people that had been attending to him as part of their organization were no longer of this world. In fact, there were no field agents of the organization left; all that remained of the members was just a single lawyer who had a minor, background role in their circle.

No longer could his family call upon their bound servants, their homunculus, or the contracted eldritch abominations they had bound in pocket dimensions when they sought to feed upon the Earth and its inhabitants. All of their power was now limited to only the sorcerers.

This meant that the man would have to fight alone. That was true for the Champions of Justice as well, though. They, too, would have to entrust their mission to a new generation of young people with the passage of time. The new generation would no doubt see a marked decrease in manpower, and with the loss of their last base and the focal point of their power suits, they would not compare in the slightest to the giants of the past who had fought in giant mobile armor made in the image of animals capable of combatting even the greatest of eldritch horrors.

That was why he had given his friend the tracking system. It would display his current position on the map as soon as he cast a spell. This would enable them to find him wherever he would be, just like how the Champions of Justice always appeared before the villain in the nick of time to save the day in superhero shows. This would give them back the advantage they lost in that last horrific war.

When it came down to it, he wanted his best friend to become his opponent. His friend’s transfer to the police station tasked with monitoring the man’s evil organization might have been just a coincidence, but to the man, it was as good as fate, for he knew he could trust his best friend to stop him when he needed him to.

The man couldn’t break the hold his father had on him. All those things he had imprinted on his mind since a tender age: the necessity of world domination, wielding magic, the pride as the Supreme Ruler of Evil. If that was his very life, wouldn’t denying all of it mean the death of him?

When his love had breathed her last, the man had actually felt a momentary urge to follow her into oblivion. However, he couldn’t go through with it. …It had been because he had Mia. His darling daughter Mia, born from the woman he had loved so deeply.

Before long, his father passed away. The man, with the insurance of tracking devices in his own and his daughter’s body, lived on, struggling to bridge the gap between the two halves of his heart. His purpose in life was to reach world domination as the Supreme Ruler of Evil, to pass the secrets of magic on to his daughter who would eventually become his successor, to instill in her an indomitable pride as the Supreme Ruler of Evil, and to impress the necessity of world conquest upon her.

The insurance put in place by the man had worked as intended; whenever he caused a commotion, his best friend and two of his comrades would arrive and do battle with him. He fought until he felt his reserves of energy dwindling, and then he would always run. Every day, he felt relief at the way things had played out.

Phew, another day went by where I could avoid taking over the world, a part of him thought, and he couldn’t deny its existence. Even though a part of him knew that if he truly sought world domination, the current generation of rangers would not be able to stop him. But that’s why he chose his best friend as his opponent—he couldn’t bring himself to kill him.

At the same time, he further advanced his daughter’s education. Everything his father had done to him, he in turn applied to his child, in precisely the same manner. A part of him insisted that he had to raise her as the next Supreme Ruler of Evil; another part of him feared for the girl’s future and begged him not to do that to his own daughter.

The man spent his days trying to reconcile these colossal contradictions, both as a father and as the current Supreme Ruler of Evil. He taught his daughter magic, apologizing to her in his head all the while as he sabotaged her skills in magic—he just couldn’t bring himself to turn her into a menace. His little girl, hanging on his every word, reminded him very much of himself, the way he used to be when he had been but a young boy. And so, every day, guilt filled his chest, feeling as though it were tearing his heart apart.

I’m sorry. I am so sorry that you have to call such a disappointment your father. If only I could set my heart on one path, but it seems that I am an even bigger failure than I thought. Please, forgive me for the choice I made.

***

IT was too hard to live constantly battling with himself, feeling as if two different people existed within him. It felt as if he were slowly killing off a part of himself every day. His daughter was always by his side, but against this, he stood alone. No one could understand what he was going through. The only person who could comprehend his ordeal was his best friend. However, that best friend was now his enemy.

The man decided to relinquish his life. He would usually retreat when he felt himself run out of magic, but that day, he didn’t run. He fought with all he had in him. If his best friend and his comrades-in-arms lost, he had every intention of using the spell that would complete world domination.

However, the outcome of the battle wasn’t in the Supreme Ruler of Evil’s favor. He tried to sling more spells at his adversaries, but ended up going over his limits. The amount of magic that a sorcerer can use in one day was limited, and once that amount was exceeded, the sorcerer’s soul would disintegrate, resulting in his death. The man proved to be no exception to this law of nature.

***

HIS end came all too soon. The man collapsed to the ground in a heap, his limbs refusing to move. He couldn’t discern the sensation of his soul wearing away, but he could tell that the candle of his life was about to flicker out. There was no pain, no suffering. Only the sound of his ragged breathing felt oddly loud in his ears, maybe due to the strain casting too many spells put on his body.

When he died, his daughter would become the next Supreme Ruler of Evil. His best friend and his fellow Champions of Justice were getting too old to put themselves out on the frontline, so they would probably retire too, making way for the next generation.

Mia, his darling, sweet little girl. She was still young and ignorant of so many things. Mia, who knew only the world her father had shown her and nothing beyond it. He had given her everything he had. Why was it then that he felt as if the things he couldn’t provide her outweighed what he could?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I forced the binding spell I myself struggled to overcome so much upon you. Just like he could never escape this curse, his daughter, too, would end up getting tangled in those ties binding her down into the identity he fostered in her. …He felt a dark sense of joy and a terrible sadness thinking about how he had sought to weaken his daughter.

How sick and twisted I am, the man let out a small, bitter chuckle.

Would his little girl be able to find a different path and escape this fate? Could she overcome what he couldn’t and surpass all her ancestors in the process? Or would she end up going down the same road he did? The only thing he felt was a blessing, a tiny one as it might be, was that his daughter was still young, and had no children of her own to pass this curse down to. That was the man’s last thought before he quietly passed away in a broken field under the gaze of the victorious Champions of Justice.