Chapter 3: Perverts Don’t Work on the Supreme Ruler!
Chapter 3: Perverts Don’t Work on the Supreme Ruler!
MIA flew through the air taking in the sights of what would soon be her first conquest. On holidays, when she had no classes, she always went flying around town as the Supreme Ruler of Evil. Moments like this gave her the opportunity to observe the town from above, and with the assistance of her magically enhanced vision she kept an eye out for anything that could bring her closer to her goal of world domination.
“At first, I wanted to begin my conquest with this town, but now that I reflect upon it further, ‘taking over the world’ is a really complicated matter. I have to spend my days patrolling just to keep informed on the activities of this single town. Just how long will it take me if I have to patrol the entire world once it’s under my rule?”
World patrols would probably take more than a matter of mere days. The more she thought about it, the more she felt the sheer magnitude of what her family sought after all this time weigh heavily upon her shoulders. Would she really be able to accomplish the sorcerers’ longstanding dream in her generation? She didn’t even have any minions or the numerous monsters her ancestors could call upon for assistance. Mia was alone…
“No, I will have none of this weak attitude! For world domination is our most cherished ambition! Err, what did Father used to say again?”
Father was always who Mia looked to for guidance, which was why whenever she felt lost or confused, she remembered his words.
“Uh… Right! It is for the purpose of conquering the world that we have ‘magic’. As we use our powers, the Champions of Justice will inevitably appear. If you fight them and emerge victorious, and then use the ‘great magical art of darkness’, world domination will finally lie within your grasp.”
Mia wielded two great magical arts of darkness: the rain of light she gave the Crow Rangers a taste of a while ago, and another one. ‘Solassi’, the spell that turns light into raindrops, was the spell she weaved into existence by giving form to the most beautiful image she could think of. The other art was the one her father taught her about every day. Most likely, this was what he referred to when mentioning the ‘great magical art of darkness’.
“To put it simply, I just have to cast that spell after I lay the Crow Rangers to their eternal rest. Got it! Well then, I’ll start with the things I can do right now. There are still people who would dare defy my principles, after all!”
Mia never stopped to think about complicated matters. Pushed forward by her impulse to accomplish her goals, she continued on, uncaring and unaware of how the world viewed her or her actions.
***
TRAVELING through the air at a leisurely pace, Mia eventually saw a verdant sea of greenery come into view. It was the town’s biggest park that became flooded with people looking for shade and rest from the early summer heat.
“Huh? What is that?”
As she adjusted her vision some more, she saw four women dressed in sweats run away from a man in a trench coat. He was hot on their heels.
“I’m not completely sure what is going on here, but the women clearly look panicked. Is the man harassing them? I cannot let that go, for, as Father used to say, ‘Be nice to the girls and strict with the boys’.”
Not doubting Father’s peculiarly gender-biased teachings for even a second, Mia began descending in the direction of the commotion.
“Kya! Stay away from me, you pervert!”
“Why is he out here in broad daylight?!”
The women in sweats were screaming to each other as they ran. The trench coat-clad middle-aged man chased after them, grinning like a maniac. For some reason, he was barefoot.
Mia landed between these two parties, her cape languidly fluttering to the ground behind her. Both the man and the group of women stared at her with bug-eyed astonishment.
“E-Eh, did that girl drop down from the skies just now?”
“I-I think I saw it too, but… No way, right?”
“But that cape… Like one weirdo following us wasn’t enough…”
Mia whipped around to face the confused women, forcefully tossing her cape back. The women quivered.
“What happened? I saw you running,” she said.
“What? W-We were being chased by that pervert over there. There have been sightings of him in this park for a while, pestering people.”
Pushed along by Mia’s vigor, the joggers began to explain the situation. Apparently, the man had started appearing in the park several months ago, and had terrorized women and children visiting it ever since. Of course, he had been reported to the police, but with his supernatural speed, he always managed to escape without being caught.
“He chases people, just like now, and then flashes them. And, after that, he bolts away at lightning speed. We always come to the park for tennis practice, but ever since he started showing up, we can never play in peace, it’s just terrible!”
“This simply will not do! I will not stand for such harassment in a town under my rule. The common folk are eagerly advancing their studies and engaging in labor, pushing their limits, all for my sake! I cannot sit idly while someone is out there pestering them!”
At Mia’s impassioned speech, not only the women, but the man chasing them as well, tilted their heads to the side in confusion.
It was the very beginning of summer, so the cicadas were already filling the air with their annoying cries, which now also served to fill in the awkward silence.
“…Uh, those things you said, like ‘for my sake’ and ‘town under my rule’, what was that all about?”
“Oh-ho, I am glad you asked!” Mia nodded happily in response and spread the cape widely behind her back with a flourish.
She had this gesture practiced to perfection—that is, her movements were adroit, but as for the overall image, the cape’s length left some room for improvement.
“My name is Oonari… No, Draiocht! I am the Supreme Ruler of the evil organization known as Gealach! Inevitably, this world and all in it, will belong to me. Therefore, this town too, is under my control. Even if it’s currently only under my control from the shadows.” Raising one arm high above her head, Mia finished off the tirade with her signature pose.
The wariness evident in the eyes of the small group watching Mia from the beginning of their interaction was now morphing into something else entirely, entering the dimension of stupefaction. The only ones voicing anything, though, were the insects, crying continuously without any regard to what was happening in the park.
“Oh, hear that? It’s the cicadas!”
“Ah, you just know summer’s finally here when you hear them.”
“I just love this time of year, don’t you?”
“Quit trying to pretend you didn’t hear what I just said!” Mia snapped at the women, who purposely stared off into the distance and started making small talk with forced liveliness.
One of them smiled sweetly at Mia and patted her on the head. “Right, right. This must be some kind of a game that’s been popular recently, yes? You don’t look like an elementary school student… Hm, you must be a middle schooler, right?”
“I go to high school!”
“Oh, so even the high schoolers are into it these days? …Well, there are cosplayers among the university students too. They’re probably the ones spreading the appeal.”
She wasn’t buying Mia’s story at all, which was only to be expected. It was then that the man, whom everyone forgot about until that moment, suddenly raised his voice, as if only now remembering that he was there too. “Hey! Stop ignoring me! Look over here! I’ll show you! Oh, here it comes, ladies!”
“Kya-ah! I completely forgot he was still here!”
“Police! Aren’t they here yet?”
The women fussed in panic, aware of the man’s presence again, to which he reacted with evident pleasure, a nasty smile overtaking his face. His hand crawled towards the belt of his coat and began undoing it. Mia turned her head to look back at him, sensing his movements.
“He-he-he, I can’t wait to see your faces twist in shame! I bet you’ll run away once I show it to you. Come on now, my sweet!”
Letting out a high-pitched, perverted giggle, he grabbed the front of his trench coat and opened it. There was nothing underneath, besides his birthday suit. In other words, he was stark naked.
“Eek!” Rang out the disgusted women’s shrieks.
Judging from the blissed expression on the man’s face, those screams hit the spot. However, there was just one girl who showed a completely different reaction. Mia, without batting an eye, stared fixedly at the man’s naked body, her face completely blank. With the cicadas droning on in the background, the man felt inexplicably anxious under her scrutiny, and, with his coat still spread wide, he stuttered out cautiously, “U-Um, er, I’m f-flashing you?”
“Yeah, I can see that. So? How long do I have to wait to be harassed?”
“W-Wha—” The man quailed at Mia inclining her head in evident bemusement, the shocked women joining in with his exclamation.
“B-But Drai-what’s-your-name, this is the harassment!”
“Oh? So this is it? Being shown his naked body? Pfft.”
“’Pfft’?! You mean, it doesn’t gross you out?! That—That thing!” The woman, averting her eyes, pointed in the general direction of the man’s thing with a shaky finger.
Thing being the wobbly lump attached to the exhibitionist’s lower torso. Mia obediently took in the thing the woman pointed out.
“Hm,” she put a finger to her lips, as if deliberating, and then deadpanned, “…It’s so tiny.”
The man opened and closed his mouth several times, like a fish suffocating on the ground, flabbergasted by the girl’s words. Mia, with no regard to the man’s reaction, went on to regale him with her honest, unadorned impressions.
“It is, how should I say it, so pitiful. Also, it is sort of malformed. Looks withered. Short, too.”
Every adjective Mia uttered blew a hole right through the man’s chest, causing him to stumble and twitch. Having an attractive young girl deprecate your genitals will do that to any man.
The flasher rushed to his own defense, “I-It’s about to grow bigger now!”
“Really now? Will it grow to at least four inches?”
This turned out to be the final blow, bringing the man down to his knees. Her voice barely rising above the ever-continuing din of the insects’ cries, one of the women mused aloud, “Who knew that harsh words spoken without malice sting that much worse?”
As the would-be victims and Mia watched the man sob hysterically, unsure what to do, they heard the siren of a patrol car in the distance. Mia raised her head with a start.
“Curses! Did you call the police?”
“Y-Yes, from our cell phones, while we were being chased.”
“This is bad! I need to go. I don’t think you will need to worry about harassment anymore though?” Mia agitatedly fumbled with her cape and took out her wand.
The joggers, startled by the wand’s cutesy design, had their conviction that Mia was a cosplayer reinforced, and simpered, “Yes! We’re confused to no end about what just happened, but thank you! You really saved us, Drai-something!”
“It’s Draiocht! Right. You common folk can go on living your life in peace. Apply yourselves to your jobs with zeal, so that one day you may contribute to the greatness of Gealach, the evil organization! Now, if you will excuse me… Bwa-ha-ha-ha-a-a-a-ah!”
Cackling loudly, Mia twirled her wand, her feet left the ground, and she was about to fly off, when someone grabbed the hem of her cape and yanked it back, which set her on a collision course with the cold, hard ground.
For some reason, this had been happening to her a lot lately. It didn’t really hurt, but she’d prefer it if people stopped grabbing her cape—it was really bad for her heart.
When Mia tried to get to her feet, she felt someone tugging on her cape, trying to pull her in by it. Like a fish being reeled in, Mia was being dragged backwards by the mystery person drawing her in with steady force. She desperately twisted her body in an attempt to get a look at who was doing this to her, but as soon as she did, she was grabbed by the hands and hugged close to someone’s chest.
“…?!” For a moment, her head went blank, but then she realized that a number of things felt very familiar: this sensation, the design on the jacket sleeves encircling her, and the smell.
“Curses, it’s you! Crow Ranger, Gre-ea-ah!”
“Didn’t I tell you to quit calling me that?”
The one who pulled Mia in by her cape was none other than Ren. He proceeded to softly exhale a wisp of breath into her ear. Mia felt something akin to electricity run up her spine, making her shoulders quiver. Ren, seeing her reaction, broke into that infuriating grin of his.
“Your ears are as sensitive as ever, I see. So, what do we have here? I came because someone reported harassment.”
“Why, of all the officers in town, did they send you? Hmph, but you came too late, in any case. I have already finished casting someone into the depths of despair to come one step closer to world domination! Not that I really understand what he is so upset about, though.”
As Ren inclined his head in puzzlement, the harassed joggers rushed to fill him in. Having grasped the situation after their explanation, he nodded in understanding, and patted Mia on the head, mussing up her hair.
“So you managed to catch the flasher terrorizing this area recently, huh? Great job, Mia!”
“Don’t touch my head! And it was certainly no ‘great job’, I did it as a part of my plan to take over the world!”
“Yeah, sure, whatever. Kudos for your world conquest effort! Now, I’d better go arrest the guy since he was so nice as to get caught red-handed.”
With those words, Ren finally let go of Mia, and put handcuffs on the pervert. Then he took out his smartphone, and reported, “One man, arrested for indecent exposure. Uh, the time is 2:32 p.m. I’ll bring him in now.”
Then, as he was putting away his phone into his chest pocket, he suddenly turned to stare at Mia.
“…Hey, according to what the nice ladies were saying, you showed no reaction to the thing this guy was dangling in front of you, and even insulted it so bad the guy broke down. That true?”
“I was not trying to put him down. I just honestly told him what I was seeing—that it was tiny, short, and terribly pitiful.”
Mia’s answer seemed to induce some kind of weird coughing fit in Ren, while the flasher started weeping again with two fat streams of tears running down his face.
“Oh, man… There, there, cheer up, ‘kay? I know this hurts,” Ren comforted the flasher in handcuffs, then inadvertently scolded Mia, “And you, don’t say things like that to a man! That’ll crush any male’s pride.”
Mia let out an indignant huff and crossed her arms. “He put his dick on display, so I just gave him my impressions. What is wrong with calling small things small?”
“Stop saying ‘small’! Whose are you comparing it to anyway?”
“…To Father’s, why are you asking?”
At Mia’s words, everything went still, Ren and the harassed joggers’ jaws dropping in incredulity. After a pause, Ren prodded suspiciously, “F-Father, huh…? You mean, you remember his thing that vividly?”
“Well, we always bathed together until the day he passed away. If you see something every day, it’s only natural you would remember its length and size, no?”
Ren’s expression changed from shock to disbelief. “H-Hang on a second, whaddya mean until the day he passed away?! You’re in high school, right?!”
“That is correct. Do you mean to say there is a problem with that?”
“Of course there’s a problem, a huge one at that! Please don’t tell me that you were actually the one to ask him to take baths together!”
“No, it is just that whenever I went in, Father would join me. We would then relax together in the bathtub, scrub each other’s backs, and…”
He really let her wash his back! Ren took a step back with a profoundly disturbed expression on his face. What a terrifying father-daughter relationship. The daddy’s girl here obviously has a bit of a father complex, but that creepy old man bathed with his high school daughter! There’s no way that can be morally justified! Ren argued in his thoughts.
The women also seemed to be creeped out by the exchange about Mia’s dubious family bathing habits. Mia, though, quizzically cocked her head to the side.
“Now that I think about it, these ladies said that the man showing his naked body was harassment. Was it because he was doing it outside? At home, Father used to wear only a robe over his naked body, so I fail to see what was so wrong with the man’s actions.”
“A robe with nothing under it? That guy!”
“He would wear only a cape over his naked body on occasion, too.”
“That does it, he was definitely a perv!” Ren buried his face in his hands.
He had seen a picture of Mia’s father before. His face suggested a severe, straitlaced type of handsome guy, and to think that this very same man was such a deviant at home! That would explain why Mia was so thoroughly unimpressed at being confronted with a man’s groin. If she had to see it every day, that would have taken away any sense of shame she may have harbored.
Letting out a small sigh, Ren pulled on the man’s handcuffs telling him to follow, and shuffled towards the patrol car with heavy steps. Puzzled by Ren’s strange behavior, Mia called out to his back with a face full of confusion, “Huh? You’re leaving already? I was counting on at least one bout of battle between Good and Evil…”
“We can’t fight with all these people around, now, can we? Besides, I, uh, lost the will for today. Let’s go at it another time.”
“O-Oh, all right.”
Ren heaved a long, heavy sigh at Mia’s baffled gaze that followed him until he left. Even if he succeeded in taking her as his lover down the line, and had the chance to show off his dick to her… If she started examining it closely, and then announced it was too short or too small, I know I’d cry too.
In that moment, he really felt like saying a few choice words to the old deceased flasher—that is, to Mia’s dad.
***
A few days passed without incident, and today was shaping up to be just another day of peace and quiet. Despite that, the police were as busy as ever.
“Phew… It’s like there’s no end to them, no matter how many you arrest!”
That day, Aya was driving around the streets in a small police car with her partner of the day, making her rounds. Aya, who was assigned to the Traffic Division, had a broad scope of duties, mainly dealing with violations: speed violations, parking violations, stop sign violations, and the list went on.
They were patrolling while lamenting how the infractions always increased during the holidays, when Aya’s coworker, who sat in the front passenger seat, tilted her head to closely listen to the police radio, frowned, and then put the receiver back into place with a clang.
“What’s up?”
“There’s been a report of a car left parked out in the street since yesterday. Supposedly a local resident identified the abandoned vehicle.”
“I see, an infringement of the Parking Regulations then. Do we still have some chalk left?”
“Yeah, we do! We should be able to get there in about five minutes,” confirmed Aya’s partner, who entered the address into the GPS and brought the location up on the map. Aya sped towards the street in question, following the computer’s instructions.
With the GPS they were able to quickly find the abandoned vehicle and got to work marking it down to be towed. Aya nodded as she sent back the request for impound to come pick up the vehicle.
“I’m done calling it in,” Aya said.
Aya’s partner finished attaching the boot to the car. “Same! Ready to head back? I could go for an early lunch.”
“Sounds love—” Aya’s cheery response was cut off.
Vroom! Suddenly, they heard a loud rumbling noise approaching them at high speed from behind, shattering the tranquil residential area’s calm. Aya whipped around to see a very flashy car running through a tiny one-lane alleyway at tremendous speed. It roared past them in a flash, disappearing from sight at the end of the street.
“Wha—In the car now! Let’s follow it!”
“Roger Wilco!” Her partner rejoined in a way that made Aya want to roll her eyes and remind her they’re not in some kind of war drama, and hopped back into their patrol car.
Aya already had her seatbelt fastened, and the moment her coworker slammed the door shut, she hit the gas pedal. With the siren blaring, they chased after the runaway vehicle.
“Dammit, I think we got a souped-up hotrod on our hands. They obviously removed the muffler, but that speed ain’t normal either!”
“No hope of catching up to them on our rattletrap then. Guess we’ll have to rely on the motor officers.”
Aya’s partner quickly reached for the transceiver, relaying the information on the vehicle. In the meantime, the car they so desperately tried to follow was getting farther and farther away. Aya watched it go, her brow furrowed in vexation, but then, out of the blue—
“…!” Aya brought the car to a complete halt, the tires screeching on the asphalt.
The other policewoman gave a startled yelp, her body violently slammed forward, but Aya’s eyes were trained on the sky. Without a word or taking her eyes off the sight overhead she began undoing her belt. She then sucked in as much air as she could hold in her lungs, and hollered at the top of her voice, “Mi-i-i-i-i-i-a-a-a!”
Instantly, a girl who had been hovering somewhere up above, dropped from the skies in a straight line, like a bird that had been shot, hurriedly slowing down halfway to alight safely on the ground. Aya broke into a run towards her.
A trailing black cape, a magic wand fitting every little girl’s fantasies; this was, without a doubt, the self-proclaimed Supreme Ruler of Evil, Mia Oonari. The teary-eyed girl complained, gingerly covering her ears, “Keep it quiet, please! Today I enhanced my hearing, so my ears are still ringing.”
“Mia, there’s a black car I was pursuing, heading that way! Please, you have to stop it!” Aya pleaded, pointing out the direction with her chin.
“Huh?” Mia gawked, unable to make sense of what was going on, but Aya grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a firm shake.
“I’m begging you! Letting a car that big run rampant on a street this small is way too dangerous! There are a lot of kids and elderly people living in this area!”
“Hmph, indeed, I cannot very well ignore such danger to my peons. Especially in the town under my rule, the common folk are—”
“Yes, yes, but you have to go, now!”
“Eek!”
As Aya urged her with a terrifying steel glint in her eyes, Mia’s spine went rigid. She quickly chanted the spell, soared up and vanished in the direction Aya had pointed out.
Mia’s flying speed far exceeded anything a car or a bike’s engine could crank out. There was no doubt she would be able to stop the car with her ‘magic’.
“Well, let’s go after ‘em!”
“Y-Yeah. Hey, Aya, did that girl take off flying?”
“Yup. The world is actually full of things you wouldn’t believe existed, tucked away in the nooks and crannies of the mundane,” Aya snickered at her partner, and stepped into the car with a cheerful, “Let’s go!”
***
AFTER driving for a while, they stumbled upon the car, which was stalled, caught in a tangle of long, thick vine-like tendrils hanging from between a series of telephone poles. The driver, who had fallen out of the car and was holding his left arm, raged at Mia, who proudly towered on the roof of the car and seemed to be answering the man in kind.
“One must not endanger the common folk, especially my future minions!”
“HAAH? What the heck are you talking about you little nutjob! Just look at what you have done to my baby! And get the hell off of her! You’re going to scratch the paint!”
She’s at it again, huh? Aya chuckled to herself, approaching the two people making a scene.
“You are under arrest for violating vehicle code…” Aya’s partner shouted as she plowed into the driver, slamming him into the ground and slapping a pair of cuffs on him. “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say…”
Quickly apprehending the reckless driver, Aya’s partner returned to the patrol car to make her report over the radio, but not before viciously throwing the whiny driver into the back.
Aya looked up at Mia and smiled pleasantly at the overpowered munchkin. “Thanks a lot! I owe you.”
“Not at all. I’m just glad no harm came to the commoners. The children are the future workforce, and the elderly must be protected as the keepers of knowledge.”
Aya beamed at Mia, who was nodding sagely. “Say, Mia, why don’t you come down from there and go to the station with me? I’d like to thank you properly!”
“Th-Thank me?! There is no need for that. Besides, we are mortal foes, what reason could I possibly have to willingly venture into the enemy’s lair?”
A beatific smile spread across Aya’s face at the sight of Mia nervously recoiling on top of the swaying car.
“Yes, we are foes, but you really helped me out today, Mia! I’d like to thank you as a person, unrelated to my position. Isn’t that only natural after what you did for me?”
“I had no intention of lending you a hand. I just couldn’t let that driver do as he pleased—that is all there is to it.”
“C’mon, pretty please? Letting you go without expressing the full extent of my gratitude would hurt my pride. Surely, you understand how terrible that would feel, my noble Mia?” Aya cooed, sending the strongest puppy dog eyes she had at the nervous future overlord of the world.
Mia pouted, looking extremely distressed, but the word ‘pride’ seemed to tug at her heartstrings. Her face was firmly creased into a deep frown, but she gave a tiny nod of assent nonetheless. “…If it won’t take long, I might as well…”
“Really?! I’m so happy! Well then, let’s get into the patrol car!”
After asking Mia to lower the vine-wrapped car back to the ground, Aya requested over the radio for a second tow truck to be sent out. With Mia and the car now firmly on the ground, they set off for the police station with Aya’s colleague and the apprehended man in the back. Mia sat in the front passenger seat between Aya and her partner, happily wiggling in between the two of them. Aya briefly stole a sidelong glance at Mia, and then trained her eyes back on the road ahead somewhat awkwardly, her lips pursed.
***
WHEN they entered the Main Street Police Station, Mia was led to the room at the far back. It was a plain meeting room, with three long tables arranged in the middle, and aluminum chairs placed along their outer sides.
“Take a seat wherever you like! I’ll make us some tea.”
“Uh-huh.”
Mia timidly perched on the edge of one of the chairs. Aya locked the door and walked off somewhere. Left to herself, Mia warily surveyed her surroundings.
What am I doing in a place like this? I was only doing my rounds today, and look where it got me. However, if I could use this opportunity to find out Aya’s weakness, that would make all of this more than worthwhile! As she was hatching evil schemes, the door suddenly flew open.
“Oh, it’s really Mia! Long time no see!”
“It’s been a week in my case, I think? Sup!”
“…!”
Shou and Ren entered the room. Mia bristled right away like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, and hastened to get away from them, kicking over a chair while somersaulting back.
“Yellow and Green!”
“Aw, I told you to just call me Shou, didn’t I? There’s no need for this show of force. You’re here today on Aya’s invitation, right?”
“Aya’s the one who called us over, too. We’re just here to have some tea.”
They seemed carefree as ever, although they were supposed to still be on duty at this hour. Apparently, even officers of the law had time to spare every once in a while. As Mia was shuddering in horror at this development, the door opened anew with a thump. This time, Subaru and Misaki appeared in the doorway.
“Wha-wha—”
“Ah, it really is Mia… What did you get up to this time?”
“This is where you normally say ‘hello’, you know.”
Oh no, what mess did I drag myself into this time! Now, if Aya joins them, which she will in due time, the Crow Rangers will be at full-combat strength. Mia clasped her wand tightly in her hand, so that she could use it in battle at a moment’s notice, and glowered at the males. It was then that Aya reentered the room, bearing a freshly brewed pot of coffee and tea. She froze in her tracks, befuddled as she took in the room.
“Huh? Why’s everyone standing up? Go on, sit down!”
“We would, but Mia…” Subaru sighed, pointing at Mia with his thumb.
“Ah.” Aya deduced what had transpired and smiled softly. “I was just thinking, why not use this opportunity to have a tea party together? It’s been a while since we all gathered in one place like this!”
“A t-tea party?!”
“Come on, sit down. There’ll be no fighting today. You said you’d let me thank you properly, now, didn’t you, Mia?”
“Meh,” sulked Mia, but she could tell that the Crow Rangers were in no mood for battle.
Well, she would’ve been at a disadvantage anyway, since she’d basically be grappling with the enemy on their home turf. She obediently went back to her previous sitting place.
Misaki, Subaru, and Shou sat across from Mia. Ren chose to take a seat right beside her. Aya, after having poured everyone a cup of coffee or tea, set down a strawberry shortcake before Mia.
“What is this?”
“It’s my thanks, of course! There’s a cake shop right next door, so I popped in there super-extra-quick to buy this! It’s real good!” Aya chirped, and dropped into the chair next to Mia on the opposite side of Ren.
Mia sat still, her eyes glued to the cake in front of her.
“Aren’t you going to eat it? Wait, don’t tell me you don’t like sweet things?”
The question seemed to throw Mia off guard; she raised her face, startled, and fervently shook her head. “No, I love sweets. …I suppose I’ll…have some, then…”
Urged along by Aya, Mia picked up her fork and reluctantly cut off a small piece of cake with it, revealing two layers of moist, bouncy sponge cake, separated by a layer of fluffy cream mixed with sliced strawberries, with more whipped cream spread out on top. After a moment of hesitation, Mia stabbed her fork into the piece, and put it in her mouth, then slowly chewed it.
For some reason, everyone was watching her with bated breath. Mia was completely unaware of the several sets of eyes directed her way, and, having swallowed the first piece down with her eyes closed in rapture, let a dopey smile bloom on her face.
“So sweet… So good…” Mia said reverently under her breath, and went on to polish off the cake.
She left the big, juicy strawberry on top for last. As she finished the cake, with a heavy heart, she impaled the plump berry on the fork, admired it for a while, and then, making up her mind, closed her lips around it. Her face radiated pure bliss at its refreshing, mild sweetness.
Finally, Mia set the fork down on her plate, and turned to her coffee, adding milk and sugar and stirring them in. When she raised her head from her drink, she noticed everyone staring at her for the first time.
“Wh-What are you all looking at me like that for?”
“Um… Could it be that you’ve never had cake before?”
“How did you know?!” Mia flinched away as if stung by Ren’s question.
So it was just as everybody had suspected; her innocent reactions to the cake gave it away.
“Never had cake, in this day and age?! What about Christmas or your birthday? Didn’t you celebrate those with your old man?”
Mia shook her head at Misaki’s question. “Of course we did! For special occasions, we always ate potato cake!”
…Ate what now? The Crow Rangers’ eyes bulged out of their heads.
Mia began dreamily telling them about the ‘potato cake’, like it was one of her happiest memories.
“It was something Father, who would ordinarily never touch cooking utensils with a ten-foot pole, made only for Christmas or birthdays. Ah, the saltiness, the copious amounts of mayonnaise, I will never forget this taste!”
“I-I’m sorry, but would you care to elaborate on this ‘potato cake’?” Subaru weakly groaned through clenched teeth, and Mia complied, summarizing it for him.
Essentially, it was just mashed potatoes. You put it in a baking pan to shape it like a cake, put it together by combining two separate layers, and then decorate it with a sprig of parsley.
The five Champions of Justice exchanged incredulous looks. Mia’s family was… even less well-off than they had thought. They had no organizational backing, neither did they come from old money—they were just descendants of an ancient lineage of sorcerers who had been slowly wiped out.
Besides, since her father was always preoccupied with taking over the world, his housekeeping skills were practically nonexistent, and he didn’t earn money very well. One thing he did have in abundance, so much so it creeped Ren out, was the love he held for his own flesh and blood, but to think that he couldn’t afford to treat his daughter to a cake even once!
“So, this was your first time eating this kind of cake? Never had one with lots of cream?”
“That’s correct. I knew of their existence, naturally, and that they are supposed to be sweet, but I never had the chance to taste one. Now that I have eaten shortcake for the first time, I must say it was delicious! Exquisite, even!” Mia bubbled with a grin, and took a sip of her coffee.
Subaru felt so bad for her, he was discreetly shedding tears on her behalf, shielding his face from view with his hand. And, in his mind, he swore—he would bake a cake for her birthday with his own two hands.
“Hmm,” interjected Shou, and, gulping down a mouthful of coffee, he asked Mia, “how about I take you to an all-you-can-eat cake buffet next weekend, then? My treat.”
At the unexpected invitation, Mia choked on her coffee so hard it sprayed from her nose.
“Hey! Quit trying to casually hit on her! She’s my mistress, okay?”
“Hmm, you pecked her on the lips once, and now she’s suddenly yours? That’s cute, but when did you turn into such a sap? Go all the way with her first, and then we’ll talk.”
“Jeez, do something about that foot in your mouth, will ya? You can’t say things like that in front of kids!” Misaki cut Shou’s tirade, which was getting a tad too explicit, off with a chop to his head.
Mia was vacantly observing the exchange, when she got that wide-eyed look as if she suddenly remembered something.
“Right! Say, Misaki, you aren’t particularly fond of sour things, if I recall correctly?”
“Eh? Er, yeah, don’t really like ‘em… Why’re you asking?” Misaki narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha!” Mia burst into peals of booming laughter, and shook the backpack she normally concealed under her cape off her shoulders. Rummaging noisily around inside with her hand, she finally pulled something out of it.
“A lemon?”
“Correct. And now, I shall offer you a taste of living hell!”
Living hell? Misaki furrowed his brows, at which Mia only cackled and intently stared at the yellow fruit. Then, she grabbed the wand she had left lying on the table, and lightly flicked it.
“Let this taste be transposed!”
It seemed as though she had just cast a spell, but nothing much appeared to happen: there was no sound or any visible effect. However, a triumphant grin spread across her face.
“Now, taste your coffee!”
“…I have a really bad feeling about this…” However, possessed by morbid curiosity, Misaki gingerly took a sip from the cup before him. The very instant it hit his tongue, he spit it back out with disgust.
“What’s wrong?” Shou asked Misaki, who was violently coughing, trying to get rid of the taste.
As Shou rubbed soothing circles on Misaki’s back, the latter barked at Mia, “The heck did you do to my drink?! It’s so sour it burns! It doesn’t even taste like coffee anymore—AT ALL!”
“He-he-he, I left the color and the drink’s other properties untouched, except for the taste, which is now turned to lemon! It took me quite some effort!” Mia puffed out her chest with a self-satisfied smirk, ignoring Misaki’s indignant squawks.
Meanwhile, Shou also took a swig from Misaki’s cup, conveniently placed next to him, and raised his eyebrows in amazement. “…Wow, it really does taste like lemon!”
“Seriously? Mmh, whoa. Yep, that’s lemon all right,” Ren was also surprised when he took a sip of the coffee passed to him by Shou.
With not even a hint of coffee left, the liquid in the cup was unmistakably pure lemon juice to taste.
“So you can do clever tricks like that too?”
“It isn’t exactly my area of expertise, but I had to try it, since I was so lucky as to discover Misaki’s weakness the other day. Night after night, I did image training. Hours of biting into lemons, etching their taste in my memory, and then creating an image of transferring that sourness into my enemy’s drink… It caused me so much trouble! I ended up needing two whole weeks to perfect it!”
“Don’t waste two weeks of your time to come up with such stupid pranks!” Misaki yelled at her, the sour taste having apparently faded from his mouth.
Mia was undaunted, crossing her arms and grinning with a devil-may-care attitude.
“I can’t afford to spare effort on anything that will hurt my enemies! Hee-hee, now, every time you put a drink to your lips, you shall cower in fear! For it is up to me whether or not it will turn into lemon juice inside your mouth! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!”
“Wa-a-ah! It’s a stupid prank, but it’s damn scary!” Misaki clutched his head in horror.
It was a far more terrifying prospect than a physical fight with all the kicking and the punching that came with it.
Aya, sipping on her coffee, turned to ask Mia, who displayed such surprising aptitude for pranking, “Wow, that was amazing! Can you shift any taste you want with this trick?”
“I wonder if I can… It’s my first attempt at such a spell. I need to concentrate on the image in my head in order for my magic to work. It took me days of chewing on lemons to just be able to maintain an exact image of sour taste, so I probably can’t turn drinks into anything other than lemon juice at the moment.”
Satisfied by the explanation, Aya folded her arms and hummed, deep in thought.
Ren also had his arms folded, similarly pondering something. He was the first one to speak out. “So, you can basically do anything as long as you’ve got the right image for it?”
“Father said so, and I have no reason to doubt his words. However, I need to expend magical power in order to create a spell out of an image. And the bigger the image, or the more large-scale it is, the more power it requires. Also, he told me materializing things that are commonly believed to be valuable requires spending a tremendous amount of power, so I should refrain from even trying it.”
With the right image, she could do anything. It was something any grown-up could easily come up with; if she could only produce an image of a gold nugget or a precious gem, she’d be able to live like a queen. However, making things that were universally regarded as valuable used up a lot of energy. In other words, if she tried creating an ingot of a precious metal—it would probably require spending a monumental amount of magical power. And using that depleted Mia’s physical energy reserves.
Mia had used her ‘great magical art of darkness’ on them before, making a beautiful rain of light fall down with the spell. And it had caused her to run out of magical power, so she had fled. She felt physically drained at the time too.
Everyone wondered how much it would take out of her to materialize something commonly recognized as valuable. They didn’t want to find out by trying, though.
I have no need for such things, and I’d hate to see Mia used as a tool to satisfy someone’s greed. That was the thought running through the minds of everyone present, which they communicated with each other through their eyes.
Mia was unsafe, and not in the sense that she herself was dangerous. What if some shady sort found out about her sorceress powers? They would kidnap the girl, gag her so that she couldn’t harm them with her spells, force images serving their selfish desires on her and make her fulfill them with her magic. It wasn’t that farfetched of an idea to suppose there were lowlifes out there capable of doing that. Not to mention, why would the values of the world make an item more difficult to create or summon? Either way, Mia’s powers were quite mysterious and powerful.
“Mia, you can’t tell this to anyone, okay?”
“To anyone? Hah! You lot are the first ones… Huh? Why in the world did I divulge this top-secret information to the likes of you?! Despite Father having told me it was something only sorcerers must be privy to… Damnation!” Mia clutched her head, apparently having remembered all of that too late.
The question came so easily during small talk, the answer ended up slipping her tongue just as casually.
Suddenly, a glimmer of a smile played out across Ren’s lips, and he lightly stroked Mia’s head. At the sight of her confused face rising to meet his gaze, the glimmer widened into a full-blown grin.
“Don’t sweat it. Yeah, why don’t you do image training to play some more pranks on us instead? Seems like the one you played on Misaki was effective, if not stupid.”
“More like, stupidly effective! Ugh, after hearing a story like that it seems like I ain’t got much choice but to grin an’ bear it. Dammit! You guys, tell her some of your weaknesses too!” As Misaki argued that it wasn’t fair he was in this alone, Shou touched a finger to his chin, mulling it over.
“O-kay, soo, I hate the taste of mango juice! Orange juice, too.”
“Ah, I’ll go with cocoa, then! Whatever I drink will turn to cocoa, right? Oh, that would be the end of the world for me!” Aya exaggerated, hiding her grin behind her hand.
“I can’t stand green tea… No, wait, make that black tea,” Subaru tossed out.
“Those’re your favorite drinks, you backstabbing…” Misaki started fuming that everyone was betraying him.
Mia, who was conscientiously taking notes, let out a surprised, “So you actually like those?!”
Ren seemed content to just watch the exchange, hiding his amused smile behind the coffee cup, when Aya inquired, “Ren, don’t you have anything you dislike?”
“Yeah, come on, spit it out!” Misaki joined in, pressing him for an answer.
He must really be pissed to be the only one whose weakness was uncovered. Ren snickered and murmured, looking up at the ceiling, “Hmm, what should I go for? Ah, I think I’ll pass on the drinks.”
“Huh? Food, then?”
“Food… Well, it’s sort of close,” Ren drawled, casting a suggestive glance at Mia.
She sulkily stared back at him, a grim foreboding filling her at his gaze.
Ah, those defiant eyes of hers are just irresistible! Ren thought, smirking, and purred, “I hate kisses. So, if you really wanna tick me off, just put your lips on mine and you’re golden! You don’t even have to do image training for this one! Super easy, right?”
Mia looked gobsmacked. It seemed like she needed some time to process what had just been said to her. When she finally comprehended it, all the blood in her body rushed to her cheeks, her face growing as red as a ripe tomato.
“Th-That can’t be true! Did you really think I would believe you, after you repeatedly kissed me and nipped me on the ears?!”
“Well, I like kissing people, but being kissed, yuck!”
“You liar!” Mia went ballistic at Ren’s blatant lie.
Exasperated, Aya muttered, “Oh my, even a kindergartner could come up with a better pickup line…”