Chapter 5: True Despair

“What are you doing?”

Someone was trying to get his attention. Who was it? He remembered when he saw her face.

“Oh... uh... sorry.”

“You’re sorry? I was talking and you spaced out. Don’t you enjoy talking to me?” The young woman seemed both angry and sad.

“Of course I do! It’s just... I had the strangest dream.”

“Dream? I’m here with you and you were sleeping?”

“No, no!” Lud defended himself.

He didn’t usually space out like this. A visit from her was enough to make any day fun. He was glad—even joyous—that the day had become a happy one for him. But, he didn’t understand why he had such a strange hallucination.

“What was it about?”

“What?”

“Your dream. What was it like?”

“Uh...”

What kind of hallucination had made him ignore her?

“It was a confusing dream. I was somewhere else... not here... and I, um...”

“Yes?”

“I was a baker.”

“What?!”

She made an astonished face, followed by a smile.

“Did you ever want to become a baker?”

“No, never.” Lud answered immediately.

“I’ve never even considered it. Also, um, you and I were married.”

“Huh?!”

He said it casually, but her face tensed and she blushed.

“W-What the heck?”

“You were the waitress and I baked bread. I don’t know why, but I didn’t like to be in front of people... so you... Hm?”

Her face was as red as a ripe apple.

“Does that... mean what I think it does?”

“What?”

“I’m asking if... you know...you feel that way.”

“What way?”

“Argh!”

She hauled off and kicked him in the shin.

“What?! What did I say?!”

“Just shut up!”

It didn’t hurt much, but if he had said something unpleasant, he wanted to apologize. However, she wouldn’t explain. She would not tell him what he had done that angered her so much.

“Seriously! You never know what the Shepherd will say!”

He thought she was furious, but now she was laughing merrily and looked like an angel.

“Hey, take me to the stand today! Then I’ll forgive you.” She requested atonement from him for angering her.

Perhaps it was his imagination that she was in a good mood. In any case, if she asked something, he had to obey.

“Okay, okay. I will.”

So Lud escorted her. They had met just a few months ago. She had suddenly appeared outside the imperial capital in the town meant for waiting.

“This place is fun! It always surprises me!”

She was a resident of the imperial capital. The European imperial capital was known as Millennium—the City of a Thousand Years—and it was the world’s greatest city. At least, that’s what people said. Lud had never entered the imperial capital. He had only seen the walls surrounding it, which were always there, every day, towering overhead.

“The imperial capital must be fun, because it’s got everything.”

According to rumor, the city was like a paradise. Hunger was unknown, illness didn’t exist, and there was release from every type of suffering imaginable.

“Yes, there’s no need to work.”

“I envy that.”

Lud worked as a day laborer and barely scraped by on his wages, so that sounded like a dream. The imperial capital of Millennium supposedly possessed a power similar to magic. The people didn’t need to walk anywhere because they automatically received everything they could desire. They were permitted all manner of luxury and they basked in it.

“The residents don’t even know what it feels like to hunger for anything, because there is a system of peace and contentment above all else.”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you think humans fight?”

Lud didn’t have an answer to this unexpected philosophical question. Apparently, she didn’t expect an answer. She continued without a pause.

“Desire. Hungry people try to steal food from others. Poor people try to steal whatever they need from others. Deprivation causes the heart to desire. Hope causes conflict. For that reason, more food than could ever be consumed is always available. So no one feels desire.”

If you gave one hundred people enough food to feed one million, no one would ever go hungry. If everyone had plenty, conflicts would never arise.

“That’s incredible. That is absolute peace.”

“Hardly!” Lud was impressed, but she responded scornfully. “The people living in the imperial city don’t know hope. As soon as they wish for something, they have it. Can you really call that living?”

Her face showed fierce resentment, anger and—above all—hate. Lud didn’t know what she had seen beyond that wall. He could not imagine a world where every desire was satisfied.

“Sorry. I just don’t understand. I still feel envious.” Lud couldn’t lie, so he apologized and spoke the truth.

“Yes, and that’s all right.” Apparently, she liked that answer. “You don’t need to understand. It isn’t how human beings should live. Not knowing is human.”

Lud didn’t understand. But although he didn’t know what she meant, he knew her eyes showed affection for him.

“People can only live because they continue to hope.”

In the control room...

“Okay, all finished!♪”

The remaining soldiers for the Security Department were holed up in the control room desperately plotting resistance. However, it rapidly failed. For one thing, the soldiers’ skills were poor, so they couldn’t buy time. The corpses of fallen combatants littered the bloody floor. Among them was the body of Hitzinger, chief of Security Department headquarters.

“I don’t know if there’s a next life, but if there is, give that boy my greetings.”

Amidst the dead bodies, the Saint was pleased that everything was going smoothly and was in the best of moods.

“Now as for you guys...”

“Uhhh...”

She spared the lives of the control room staff. That wasn’t from any humane considerations or because they were noncombatants. They were spared because they were essential for the launch. Assistant Chief Helmut could only tremble at the hellish scene before him.

“Oh dear. Don’t be afraid. I won’t kill you.” The Saint spoke with no change in her voice, which made it all the more chilling. “A war will begin now, so I need as many scientists and engineers as possible. Come to August.”

She was proposing treason to this member of the Security Department, an ultranationalist supporting world unification under Wiltia.

“I’ll give you anything you want. Money, personnel, facilities, materials, status, honor... Whatever you want! Just name it and I’ll get it for you.”

He was startled by the conditions she offered. However, the more she promised him, the more he feared what would happen if he refused. She would certainly retaliate with, “Oh. In that case, die!”

Trembling and bowing deeply, Helmut begged for his life. “Y-Yes, as you wish!!” In fear of his impending death, he lost any pride, faith, patriotism or strength.

“Oh, how obedient you are! I like obedient people. I’m counting on you, okay?”

“Yes, Ma’am!!” Helmut’s spirit was broken. He would swear fealty to the Saint so passionately he would willingly lick the bottom of her shoes.

“When everything goes according to plan, I feel happy. Now for the launch!”

When the Saint spoke, gunshots sounded in the distance.

“What was that?” Toolman requested reports from his subordinates.

“Enemy approaching! One enemy!”

“One?” Toolman frowned at the report. Not because he thought there might be more soldiers resisting. He didn’t think there was anyone left from the Security Department with the combat ability to single-handedly take on his subordinates.

“Who is it?” He thought perhaps Blitzdonner had returned, but with only one arm, he could not stand against the Saint. Toolman was sure that Blitzdonner wouldn’t dare attack so recklessly.

“Oh, that girl has come.” The Saint had a good idea of who it might be. A moment later, she appeared in the doorway.

“Where’s Master?!” It was Svelgen Avei, the popular waitress of Tockerbrot.

“I’m glad you came! After all, I couldn’t have you dying so quickly.” The Saint spoke without losing her smile.

“Where is Master?! If you give him back right away, fine! But if you don’t...”

“What would you do?”

“I’ll make you suffer and then I’ll kill you.”

“What if I give him back?”

“I’ll kill you without making you suffer.”

“Oh dear...”

Sven was overflowing with an anger that almost made her hair stand on end. The Saint made a face of exaggerated concern.

“Stay back, Saint. I’ll handle this.” Toolman took a step forward. His hand was already on the hilt of his katana. “I don’t know who you are, but if you get in my way, I can’t guarantee your life.”

Out of good will, Sven tried to warn the man threatening her. He must be considerably skilled. The sword at his side must also be of good quality. However, Sven didn’t intend to let anyone defeat her at this moment. She felt ferocious enough to bite and kill like a hungry wolf.

“Ha ha... Oh, right. I’ll do the same to you as I did to the other doll.”

“What are you talking about? Hurry up and decide. Do you want me to kill you or not?!” Sven took a step forward. In one more step, she would be within firing range. She could then drive her foot into the girl’s throat.

“Oh dear. How frightening! You’re scaring me, so I’ll have my shepherd protect me.”

“What are you talking—” Before she could finish her question, Sven noticed someone standing behind her. Since she hadn’t noticed him earlier, he must be a very skilled soldier.

“Tch!”

Instantly, without even turning, she leapt away. The man’s fist struck the space where Sven had just been standing.

“I held back, but you’re good,” the man muttered.

“Huh?” Sven stopped in shock when she recognized the man. This was impossible. Why was he acting this way?

“You must not be human. I don’t want to hurt someone so pretty, so why don’t you just leave,” the man said.

He was telling Sven that if she left right now, he wouldn’t do anything else. This was impossible. It couldn’t be happening. There was no way this man would say that. Not to her.

“Why... Master?”

The man standing before her was Lud Langart.

“Have we met somewhere before?”

“What are you talking about?”

Was this some kind of a joke that wasn’t funny? The person she knew better than anyone else, the person more important than her own life, was acting as though they had never met.

“Master, it’s me! It’s Sven! Svelgen Avei!! I’m your... your...”

She wanted to shout she was his wife, but Lud’s eyes only showed bewilderment. No, that was wrong. It was even worse. He looked exasperated, as though he was thinking, “What is this girl talking about?” Furthermore, his eyes showed a kind of compassion as if he pitied her.

“Doesn’t this girl say the strangest things, Lud?” The Saint spoke to him as if she had known him for a very long time. “The poor girl! She thinks she’s Sven! She thinks she’s your lover! Isn’t that pathetic?”

“What? Who would do that?”

Ignoring Sven, the Saint and Lud were talking about her. They were treating her like a fake.

“How can you say that? I... I’m Sven... Svelgen Avei. I’m your... Lud Langart’s...”

“I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You are not Sven.” Lud denied Sven’s claim with a compassionate voice.

“This is Sven. She’s my wife.”

“What...?”

Lud pointed at the Saint. The Saint was smiling. It was a happy smile. This was what she had meant about teaching Sven true despair.

“No... Why? This is wrong... I...”

Now her prediction had come true. For Sven, losing Lud would mean the greatest despair. And that just became a reality.

“No...”

The world went black and Sven collapsed on the spot. Her heart was mechanical, but she loved a human and wanted to become human herself. Faced with losing Lud, her heart was broken.

“Take that, you fake.”

The last thing Sven heard was the Saint’s laughter.

Toolman was surprised that Sven had unexpectedly appeared and just as unexpectedly had collapsed.

“What in the world did you do?” He knew he was incapable of understanding the Saint, but he asked anyway.

“It’s no big deal. She’s just a mechanical doll. She couldn’t cope with information that surpassed her understanding.” The Saint’s answer was mysterious. “She possesses what you might call a pseudo heart. She harbors a monomaniacal obsession for her owner. So I changed its object.”

“Its object... Do you mean him?”

Toolman looked at Lud Langart, the large man in front of him. He must be suffering from some kind of brainwashing, but Lud’s eyes didn’t have that particular warped look Toolman expected. Lud’s emotions and mental faculties were functioning normally. He was actually staring at the unconscious silver-haired girl with pity.

“I overwrote his memories and replaced them with memories of me. He thinks I’m Sven.”

Human memory was said to result from electric signals coursing through the brain. Interfering with that process externally would not affect the human intellect. Subjecting someone to electric signals, however, could theoretically rewrite existing memories.

“How pitiful... and funny. The man she loves still loves her but he doesn’t recognize her. Ha ha ha... Her pseudo heart couldn’t tolerate that despair.”

The Saint looked down at Sven. Then she stomped on her head the way she might a dead animal.

“It was too mischievous of that boy to create something like her. Nonetheless...” The Saint had a thought. There was Sven, Meitzer, herself and him...

“Oh, I see... I wasn’t worth looking at.” For the first time, deep sadness colored the Saint’s features.

“Um, Saint? What should we do with her?” Without noticing the change in her expression, Toolman asked for orders.

“Good question. Perhaps I should crush her, and send the pieces to Meitzer.”

That would be the supreme act of spite against the man still bound in the underground cell. As she was thinking, a staff member in the control room timidly raised his hand.

“Um, excuse me, but... if you don’t need her, can I have her?”

“What?”

The man spoke to her without permission and the Saint openly glared with displeasure.

“It’d be a waste, wouldn’t it? She’s so pretty. So... if you don’t need her, um, heh heh heh...”

The man laughed obsequiously, licking his lips with a vulgar look on his face. He was so disgusting it gave the Saint the creeps.

“Should I kill him?” Toolman asked when he sensed the Saint’s displeasure.

“Yes, please.” At that moment, however, the Saint changed her mind. “No, it’s all right. I’ll allow it. Do as you like with her.”

The man disgusted her, but the Saint granted permission. She did not need to think about what this man would do to Sven’s body. The thought of him using her and defiling her as an object of his desire was immensely satisfying to the Saint.

“Do as you please to your heart’s content. Yes, and when you’re finished with her, throw her in with the man in the underground cell. Understood?”

“Yes, Ma’am!” The man agreed with a slobber like a wild dog, an expression of sinister joy on his face. “Now if you’ll pardon me...”

The man lifted Sven’s body and went off with it. Even that sight gave the Saint pleasure.

Meanwhile, Blitzdonner...

“Argh!”

He had fled into the forest and taken a long detour, eventually arriving at the coastline. This was Penmunde, originally a fishing port, where he thought he might find a boat, but there was only a rundown pier.

“I’m ashamed of what I did to Sharlahart...”

He remembered Rebecca’s face as she had hurled him away. Her expression was pathetic. It was the face of a soldier who accepted death but was holding on in order to save someone else’s life. Even if he accepted the humiliation of running away and the bitterness over abandoning his companion, Blitzdonner believed he had to survive.

“I wanted to find a way to get Langart and Svelgen out of there.”

But the plan had completely fallen through. This was no longer about helping Sven become human. The most he could do was get the two of them safely back to Organbaelz. Now he couldn’t even do that. He bitterly cursed his useless arm.

“What a disaster!”

He was about to say, “I guess this is the end,” but he brushed that aside. If he gave up now, then why had he sacrificed Rebecca? However...

“Think, Blitzdonner! You’re the almighty Crimson Hawk! There must be a way! Something... anything...”

He couldn’t think of a solution. Precisely because he was an excellent soldier, his thoughts were realistic and only considered what was possible. His left arm still worked. As he began to feel that it was getting heavy, he heard something.

“Hm?”

He had heard that sound before. It was a sound he recognized.

“Hey, wait. Why here?”

He stared at the surface of the sea and his body tensed.

Sven didn’t have the same type of dreams that human beings have. Her dreams didn’t arise from hopes and aspirations. Her dreams consisted of what the eyes saw during sleep.

Yeah...

Nonetheless, she was inside a dream. The feeling was familiar to her. She had experienced it several times.

“Oh dear, oh dear... This is quite a mess!”

She heard it again. A voice she didn’t know. However, she had finally grasped who it belonged to.

You’re Douglas Meitzer, aren’t you?

She was certain the owner of the voice was the mysterious man who called her his daughter.

“No, I’m not Meitzer.”

Huh?!

Sven was perplexed that her guess was totally wrong.

“But the smooth, insincere way you speak, as though you don’t think of people as people, is like Meitzer.”

Above all, he had said, “Long time, no see!”

“Oh, right. He did say that, didn’t he?”

The reply was offhand, exactly like Meitzer.

Then who are you?!

“I am God.”

What?

The voice claimed to be God. Meitzer had claimed to be the Devil. Sven’s head was beginning to hurt.

“Losing your patience? Well, it can’t be helped. I was called God by the people who created me.”

The people who created you? They made God? Who has the ability to make God?

“It’s always humans who make God. Human beings are imperfect, so they seek what is perfect. However, nothing perfect exists in this world, so they created it, and that’s me.”

I don’t understand what you mean. But... if you’re God, then...

With as much feeling as she could muster, Sven screamed and begged.

Give Master back to me!

She had never thought Lud would look at her the way he just had. It was a face she knew well and an expression she knew well. Her master had looked at her as if she were a stranger, and that was enough to break her heart.

“She does the cruelest things. It’s too bad.”

The voice’s owner, who claimed to be God, knew about the Saint.

Who is she?

Sven wanted to understand the woman’s identity. This mysterious woman who had taken everything from her.

“She’s similar to the one you and I call Meitzer.”

Now I’m even more confused!

She could not imagine the connection between the mysterious middle-aged man and the owner of this voice claiming to be God.

“If you want to know, you should ask him—Meitzer. He’s the one originally responsible. Besides, he knows how to get the person you want back.”

Really?!

Sven didn’t care if she was talking to a real god or not. If there was any way to bring Lud back, she would rely on a false god.

“You say the strangest things. ‘Bring back,’ did you say? Heh heh...”

God laughed as if it were the funniest thing in the world. It was a loving laugh toward someone ignorant, but innocent and pure.

“Take him back? Don’t be ridiculous. This whole world is yours. There is nothing you could want that you can’t have. If you think he has been taken, that’s an illusion. From the very start, you have possessed everything.”

You said something like that before. But what is ‘everything’?

“Everything is everything. There is no need to define it.”

Those were his final words before he disappeared. However, he was never visible. It would be more accurate to say she could no longer sense him. At that moment, Sven regained consciousness.

At the same time, Lud...