GOD, IF YOU’RE HERE

The train bound for the Sand Ocean arrived from the west, and the transfer station suddenly filled with noise.

Travelers passed busily through, carrying big bags, a bit of fatigue, and more than anything, high hopes for their journeys. No one paid any attention to the lone girl leaning against a wall in the waiting area near the ticket barrier, watching the train.

To be more precise, she wasn’t alone; she had someone to talk to hanging from her neck.

“Maybe it’s about time we better be giving up, too. Those guys’ve already stopped searching.”

“Yeah…” Kieli answered absently, casually casting her gaze at the flow of people coming and going on the platform.

It had been about two weeks. The Church Soldiers held an investigation for the first few days, but they had abandoned that, too, and the station regained the bright everyday conversations of its citizens.

From the beginning, no one suspected Kieli very much. She had already stopped wearing the boarding school uniform she had grown so accustomed to. She wore very unfeminine clothing — a light down jacket and jeans — and she had shortened her long hair. She had cut it herself using a knife, so it wasn’t very attractive, but it made her feel much better.

Upbeat music flowed from the radio’s speaker at a faint volume that only Kieli could hear. The radio had been broken countless times, so the sound quality really was terrible, but to Kieli, the static was actually rather pleasant. And she liked the Corporal’s voice, too, as it rode the melody and spoke to her.

“Are you sure it’s okay, Corporal? I could take you back to the abandoned mine again, you know.”

“You guys are nothing but trouble; I couldn’t disappear in peace. I’ve just about given up and started thinking of this radio as my original body.”

“I’ll be careful with you so you don’t break anymore.”

The radio’s grumpy, but slightly bashful, voice was so funny Kieli couldn’t suppress a small laugh, but the people around her increased as departing passengers blended with arriving ones, so she shut her mouth.

She nodded when the radio suggested giving up, but once the day was over, she would most likely come back tomorrow and see the trains off as they headed the east. And when tomorrow was over, the day after, too. No, she was thinking she would take the radio and head out the day after tomorrow. There was no use waiting around here, doing nothing, forever.

She wanted to be someone who could travel on her own. So that someday, when she met him again, she would be a little stronger.

“Let’s go home.”

“Had enough today?”

“Yeah. I’ll come again tomorrow, and after that I’ll give up.”

Kieli didn’t wait for the train to go. She left the wall and started to walk with the current of arriving passengers heading for the station’s exit. There was a wide stairway at the front of the passage, and a girl wearing a hat ran up the stairs, jumping up and down in excitement. Her mother came after her, carrying their bags.

“What do you think was wrong with that man, Mama?”

“He’s dead. Someone will call for help; it’s okay.”

Kieli happened to pass by the conversation, then stopped and turned around. The girl skipped around her mother and said cheerfully, “Eehh? He’s not dead. He’s alive.”

“……!” The second Kieli heard that, she started running to the exit. She dashed through the hall, pushing aside people who scowled at her in annoyance. When she got to the top of the staircase, she could see a square cutout of outside light under her eyes. Passersby buried the stairway, but at the very bottom, for some reason, there was an empty space in just one corner by the wall; people avoided it as they walked by.

She impatiently ran down the steps two at a time. The radio bounced against her belly.

Please, God. She prayed inside her heart. You don’t have to be the Church’s God. But if there is a God on this planet, please take off that completely flawless, impartial mask, just for now, and grant my wish. I’ll never ask for anything again. Please, God…

There was a break in the wave of people. The silhouette of a man sat on the bottom step, leaning against the wall. He was missing an arm, and one of his legs didn’t look like it would function; he had thrown that leg in front of him, and slumped over as if dead.

Kieli stopped a few steps above him.

His closed eyelashes twitched slightly, and Harvey opened his eyes. He raised his copper-colored head slowly, looked up at her, and smiled wryly, an exhausted look on his face. “I couldn’t climb the stairs. Give me a hand,” he said, as if nothing was wrong.

“You’re late, darn it. I got tired of waiting…” Kieli murmured in a trembling voice, bending over and offering her hand. Harvey laboriously lifted his one remaining arm, took Kieli’s hand, then closed his eyes and pressed the back of her hand to his forehead.

“Harvey?”

“It’s nothing.” He muttered something shortly under his breath. She got the feeling he had said, “Thank you.”

In the distance, a bell started to ring, signaling the departure of the eastbound train.