Celes Cheers Lucia Up

It was like my entire being froze up when he saw through all of my worries. I couldn’t even muster a reply.

“Is there anything I, or any of us, can do for the two of you?”

All I could do was stare at his sun-colored hair glowing in the dim moonlight; his eyes looked grey in the darkness.

“Really, I’m embarrassed that I didn’t realize what kind of position the Sacred Maiden was in before you came.” Sir Celes closed his eyes as he thought about Miss Maria. “She’s changed since meeting you. It wasn’t your magic that did it, but how you treated her. And seeing how she changed brought to light what we had done to her, and how selfish we had been pushing it all onto her. We’re really pathetic.”

“...I should have thought more about it.” As I looked at him, that slipped out of my mouth. And once I had started, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t look at his face. I just stared at my feet as I continued. “I should have thought more about what would happen if I could do her job for her. I had spoken so grandly about protecting her, when really it was me being protected. I hadn’t considered that I would end up being the one to hurt her the most. If only I’d thought about it more, I would’ve been able to see this.”

If she was scared, I should have been beside her, holding her hand. I should have just cheered her on and watched her purify the tree on her own. If I hadn’t tried to do it for her... No matter how much I wished, I couldn’t change what had already been done.

I didn’t know what I could do now. It wasn’t something that could be forgiven with just an apology, but I also couldn’t just stop using my magic. Now that we knew that my Soap could purify the Cristallo Sacro, it wouldn’t be strange if we split into two groups to purify the remaining trees.

“I don’t know what I should do anymore. I’m afraid of using my magic now. When it was only useful for cleaning, I had never hesitated, because it made people happy. When it let me protect the people at the castle, I felt like there was something even I could do. But...now that I know it hurt someone, I’m terrified.”

I’m weak. Weak, ugly, and pathetic. I didn’t know what to do, and I couldn’t handle it alone; so here I was, crying on Sir Celes’s shoulder because he was nice. I’m sorry, Miss Maria. She was brought to our world against her will, told that she was needed, that only she could do it. And then I ended up showing her that someone else could do it.

“I’ve done something I could never apologize enough for. If we had known my powers could purify the trees earlier, she wouldn’t have lost anything, and if I hadn’t done it, she wouldn’t have lost her place.”

I had just been so happy that she was relying on me.

As I tried my hardest not to cry, Sir Celes’s warm arms embraced me.

“S-Sir Celes...!?”

“Don’t try to hold it all in alone.” Gently holding me, he continued, “It wasn’t you who hurt her first, it was us. We should have been with the Sacred Maiden; we should have understood how she felt. If we had, she never would have been confused about what to do, and you wouldn’t have needed to try to do it for her.”

Pausing, Sir Celes heaved a deep sigh above my head.

“She probably knows that, and that’s why she doesn’t blame you. I think she’s just trying to sort it all out in her heart right now. Just a guess, though,” he added in a gentle tone. “The Sacred Maiden thinks of you as a precious friend, so once things calm down, give her a smile.”

“Sir Celes...”

“And this is just an idea, but once this journey is over, why don’t we search for a way to send her back home? For all she’s had to pay, and all she’s done for us, I think it’d be nice if we could pay her back with another option other than becoming our country’s Queen. Or, well...it’d be up to her to choose which, though.”

I felt as if his suggestion stirred me awake. If we were able to send her back to her original world, would that let me atone for what I had done to her, even a bit?

◆ ◆ ◆

There’s something I can do! The thought of it made me feel as if I could try again. Though I was still afraid of using my magic, I was happy that I could help somehow.

I lightly pushed Sir Celes’s arms away and looked up at his face. “Thank you for cheering me up, Sir Celes.”

“No problem. I’m glad to help.”

“Let’s both send Miss Maria back to her own world.”

As I smiled up at him, he smiled back at me.

But suddenly, his smile dropped, and he gave me a serious look. “Lucia, you said before that you were afraid of using Soap, didn’t you?”

I remained quiet. I had forgotten I let that slip. It was something I wasn’t supposed to say, but seeing Sir Celes’s face weakened my defenses.

I looked down again, embarrassed, but he lifted my chin to make me look at him.

“You don’t have to use it,” he said, giving me a serious, piercing look, as if he’d see through any excuses.

“Eh?”

His gaze didn’t waver when I flinched. For a second, I couldn’t understand what he had just said. I don’t have to use it. It took a while for what he meant to sink in.

“If you’re scared, you don’t have to force yourself. I’ll protect you, so you don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. It’s normal for you to be scared, since you never had to fight before. I’ll do the fighting. I’ll protect you when you’re scared. You don’t have to do it all alone anymore.”

“Sir Celes...”

“So, just stay you. There are people you save just by doing that — like the Sacred Maiden, and me.”

Ah... I understand how Miss Maria felt now. Back then, I had been so desperate to protect her that I hadn’t realized. But now I know how warm a proffered hand and heart felt when you were at your wits’ end.

“You’re going to make me cry,” I whimpered.

“Huh?”

I smiled, remembering how Miss Maria had broken down crying. If I didn’t force myself to smile, I knew I would do the same.

Hey, Miss Maria. I’m just the same as you. I’m happy enough I could cry, too. So this is how much of a relief it is to have someone protect you. I had been on the “protector” side for so long that I had forgotten how it felt to be protected.

I was so happy I could cry, being told that I didn’t have to push myself — that I would be protected — it was like when my mother was still alive.

“Thank you, Sir Celes. That makes me really happy. I’m not scared anymore.”

He smiled happily in response. The cold, heavy muck that I had felt around my heart disappeared when I saw his smile. In its place was a warm, fluffy feeling. And that was when I finally realized: Why anything he said or did swayed my feelings so much; why I had been so shocked when I realized he loved Miss Maria.

I loved Sir Celes. I loved this man who gave me these warm feelings.

Really, I had noticed earlier. But I had looked away, not wanting to accept it. I didn’t want to face my feelings, so I ran, not giving them a name. But I couldn’t trick myself anymore. I knew that it would never be reciprocated — that I would never be a good fit for him. But my feelings wouldn’t stop. No matter what I’d do, there was no erasing it now that I’ve fully realized.

It’s free to feel. So it should be alright if I keep my feelings secret, right?

Once our journey ended, Sir Celes probably wouldn’t be called the “Dragonslayer” anymore. By then, he’d be the “Hero of Salvation.” It would be hard to see him or speak to him then. Having lunch together and chatting with him would become an impossible dream. But I should be allowed to talk with him closely while we’re on this journey, at least, right? I thought. I’ll do everything I can, so please, please allow me to stay with him, just until this ends.

He’s the first person I’ve ever loved, after all.

Even if I tried not to think about it, or even ignore it, I wouldn’t be able to. Not while he was able to sway my feelings so easily. Was it wrong for me to want to stay beside him and make at least a few more memories together?

When I was young, one of the older girls in my village told me that your first love never comes true — that’s why you remember it so vividly. If I have to leave this as mere memories, then I want to remember Sir Celes’s smiling face. I want to be with him, talk with him, treasure every moment, and say goodbye with a smile.

“Sir Celes.”

“Yeah?”

I love you. I swallowed the words I couldn’t say, and took the lamp from his hands.

“Let’s get going. We’ll be up early tomorrow, so we should sleep early too.”