Chapter 20

Chapter 20
If he had said he loved me, or wanted me to be his lover, I could still have understood. No, even then it would have felt like an abrupt confession with no context, but at least I could comprehend it. Because he liked me. But skipping all of that and jumping straight to marriage, what is he even thinking?

I accepted the cup of water he offered me with a smile and used it to wash down the lump stuck in my throat, then looked up at the colors above his head in relief.

(…Ah. So he didn’t have some hidden motive.)

It wasn’t showing it on his face, but inwardly he was panicking. Just from those emotions, I could tell he hadn’t meant to use my secret as leverage to force marriage on me or pressure me into a relationship. The level of confusion made it obvious he’d blurted out feelings he never intended to say aloud, and I could see his restless emotions, surprise, anxiety, and everything else swirling together.

(This is probably something I should treat as a joke. And let it slide. That’s best for both of us.)

It had been far too sudden, so normally anyone would think it was a joke. Right now, we could still laugh it off as one. His words had been a joke, and I could pretend not to notice his feelings so we could go back to how things were before.

「What a way, to startle someone.」

「Sorry. It just slipped out.」

「Come on, there’s a limit to what counts as a joke.」

I thought that would end the conversation. Hector was in the throes of his first love, and after accidentally blurting something like that out, he’d surely want to hide it. And I thought I should pretend not to notice.

But apparently my reaction wasn’t what he wanted. The moment I said there was a limit to jokes, a small color of dissatisfaction stretched out.

「Hey, Cyril-san. The truth is… can’t you already see how I feel?」

「…What are you talking about?」

「I mean the things you can see. Not just people’s possibilities… maybe not very clearly, but you can see something that lets you sense people’s feelings too, can’t you?」

Though phrased as a question, those words were spoken with certainty. If it had only been a baseless guess, there would have been at least a trace of anxiety mixed in, but there wasn’t any. If he were only testing me, I could have dodged the question. But if he was certain, there was no way I could fully deceive him.

「…How did you figure it out?」

「Because I watch you carefully, maybe. You told me before, right? That you can see possibilities over people’s heads. But even so, I thought you looked at people too often for that alone.」

In other words, even in situations where it made no sense to be looking for future possibilities, I still glanced at people. So he concluded I must also be seeing something else. And considering how perceptive I was about people’s feelings, he’d guessed it was something along those lines.

「Was my guess correct?」

「Well, yes. …I thought people might find it unpleasant to have their feelings seen, so… I’m sorry.」

「It’s not your fault, so you don’t have to apologize. I don’t mind if you see mine… ah, though people plotting bad things probably would. But it’s not like you can tell exactly what someone’s thinking, right?」

「Right. …What I see are only colors and lengths.」

Since he already knew I was a healing mage, and had realized I could perceive emotions, there was no point hiding it anymore. So I explained prediction lines in detail. What I saw, how it appeared, and how I used it to make predictions and judgments, Hector listened the entire time with a cheerful orange line of joy stretching above him, making me wonder why he was so happy about any of this.

「You seem happy.」

「Yeah, because I am. I get to know more about you, and I also know my feelings really do reach you.」

Hector often wore crafted expressions. It had become such an ingrained habit that, according to him, he could only build proper relationships with people like me or Kai, people capable of 「seeing through hearts」.

「Seeing emotional colors doesn’t really count as reading minds, does it?」

「I suppose not. I could still be wrong.」

My interpretations weren’t guaranteed to be correct. I only predicted what people were probably feeling, there was no assurance I was right. It was completely different from mind-reading or foresight magic.

Though perhaps… maybe this too was a kind of magic inherited through bloodlines. Perhaps among my ancestors there had been not only healing mages, but also mages who could predict the future or read hearts, and over generations those powers had mingled together into the ability to see prediction lines. …Though I’d never know the truth.

「So, can I take it that you already know how I feel?」

「Ummmmm…」

「That’s cruel. You know, and yet you still tried to pass it off as a joke.」

Apparently that little dissatisfaction earlier had come from this. His words had indeed been an accidental spill of his inner thoughts, but they were still genuine. Knowing that, I had still tried to turn them into a joke, and that must have bothered him a little.

I didn’t know how to answer in situations like this. All I wanted was for our current relationship to continue. I didn’t want us to end up on bad terms. But neither did I feel eager to become his lover. Perhaps my confusion showed on my face, because Hector’s color of anxiety began stretching out longer and longer.

「Are my feelings a burden to you?」

「…No, it’s not like that.」

If I’d thought they were troublesome or unpleasant, this would have been simpler. The reason I was troubled was because part of me felt like I might accept him if he earnestly begged me to become his lover. Even knowing he carried heavy, difficult emotions, strangely enough, I didn’t feel like rejecting him.

(…I don’t really understand my own feelings.)

I was certain I cared for Hector, but I couldn’t tell whether those feelings were love, romance, friendship, or something else entirely. And in that uncertain state, there was no way I could prepare myself to take on the position of 「the Flower Knight’s lover」 potentially becoming the enemy of all the girls in town.

Besides, it was difficult for a mage to love someone. Because of the secrets we carried, we could only love people we truly trusted. My parents had always taught me that, and I believed it myself. Could I really trust him from the bottom of my heart? …I still didn’t know.

「I don’t think you hate me, at least…」

「Of course not. I like you, Hector-san.」

That much I could say with confidence. I simply didn’t know what kind of 「like」 it was. But it was still affection. Otherwise I wouldn’t go out with him, nor would I feel so comfortable by his side.

「Ahh… Cyril-san, you really do say things incredibly directly sometimes.」

「Ah. …Sorry.」

Apparently I’d been too straightforward. Hector’s ears turned red, and alongside his joy, a color of sadness stretched out too. Hearing me say I liked him made him happy, but at the same time, he understood there was no deeper meaning behind it, and that disappointed him. …I’d done something a little cruel.

「The thing is, I don’t really understand romantic feelings very well, so I don’t know how to answer you.」

「Oh, really? Then that’s good.」

Wondering what exactly was good about that, I looked up at him. He was peering down at me with a delighted smile.

「If you clearly rejected me, I thought I’d have to properly give up. But being without you hurts too much… yeah. I’m glad. That means I don’t have to give up yet.」

A sweet, meltingly soft smile. Honey-colored eyes filled with hot, intense longing. It resembled the dazzling smiles he wore around town, and yet was fundamentally different. That expression was probably meant only for me. Together with the sweet voice tinged with yearning, it lingered in my mind and wouldn’t leave.

, Ah. I probably wasn’t going to escape this. Even though he hadn’t touched me, even though he hadn’t said he wouldn’t let me go. That was what I thought.

(…I think I’m going to fall.)

For what, I didn’t want to admit. But probably, before long, it would happen.

My heart pounded hard, heat rushing into my face. I couldn’t bear to keep looking at him, so I quietly averted my gaze. I thought I heard him sharply inhale.

「…Cyril-san, you can see emotions, right?」

「Um… yes.」

「Right. Then could you maybe not look for a little while, until I calm down?」

Why? I started to turn toward him, but something blocked my vision. I quickly realized it was Hector’s hand. …Apparently he was feeling something he really didn’t want me to see. I was curious, but it was probably better not to look.

「…I won’t look, so please move your hand.」

「…Okay.」

Keeping my eyes closed, I waited for his warm hand to move away, and once it did, I turned my back to him so he wouldn’t enter my field of vision.

We spent several silent minutes that way, until Hector finally seemed to calm down and told me, 「You can look now」 When I turned back around, I instinctively glanced at the colors above his head. What I saw there was gray-green, the color of reflection and regret.

「You can tell I’m reflecting on the fact that I need to learn to control myself better, right?」

「Yes. I can see the color of regret.」

「I see… there aren’t any other strange colors?」

「Besides that… well, there’s some anxiety.」

「Then that’s fine.」

The indigo vanished at once, so apparently he felt relieved. I was tempted to ask what that had all been about, but it was probably better not to pry. Human nature made forbidden things more tempting, but I didn’t want to trample over a friend’s heart.

「I’d like to gather herbs here now, though…」

「Yeah. I’ll keep watch around us, so you can relax and do it.」

That was the same as always. But we’d come here to enjoy ourselves today, so was that really alright?

「…Would you like to do it together?」

The suggestion came to me on impulse. Gathering herbs was something I enjoyed; that didn’t mean Hector would enjoy it too. Even so, an orange line of joy stretched above his head.

「Then I’d like to try.」

After that, I spent time gathering medicinal ingredients while teaching Hector about the plants, what kinds of medicine they could make, and how each one should be harvested. He seemed to enjoy it more than I’d expected, and I was glad.

…Next time, maybe I could have him try making some simple medicines using what we gathered here too.