10 — A Series of Unfortunate Nicknames

10 — A Series of Unfortunate Nicknames

Lucy, Queena, and I arrived at the dining hall and ordered our food. All the deviations from my usual routine had left me feeling a bit off.

“Good morning,” I greeted the regular serving lady. “Today’s been rough, so I’ll take a little more than usual, please. And I won’t be needing a take-out lunch.”

“Morning, dear. You sure you can eat all that?”

“I’ll be okay. I’ll need the energy later.” It felt like I was back in my sports club, preparing for a long night of practice on the field. I carried my mountainous breakfast to the table Lucy and Queena were sitting at.

“Sorry for making you guys wait.”

“I’ve had this question for a while, Luciel, but how can you stomach so much?” Lucy asked, staring at my pile of food.

“It’s not so bad. I used to be all skin and bones, but my master back in Merratoni told me ‘the first step to being strong is a good appetite.’ And being strong means less chance of dying, so it’s kind of a habit now.”

“I’ve got my own question,” Queena added. “Why do you act so friendly with the waiters and waitresses? It’s weird. You’re not actually friends.”

“What do you mean? A person should show respect to people in authority, but that doesn’t mean you need to be rude to people who aren’t. And I’m not a fan of the whole ‘mister’ thing either. I’m not that important.”

“Ignoramus,” the girls rang out in impressive unison.

“You’re a deacon, aren’t you? An exorcist?” Lucy asked.

“That’s right,” I replied.

“Deacons and exorcists are below priests,” Queena explained, “but they’re effectively the same level of authority as a knight captain. They’re paid the same too.”

“Huh. No wonder the salary’s so good.”

“This isn’t some minor issue, Luciel. One of these days, someone’s not going to like that attitude of yours,” Lucy warned.

“Eh, I’ll just keep doing my job well and go crying to the pope if that happens.”

The paladins, once more in practiced unison, heaved a sigh.

All I had to do was get on the pope’s good side and I was sure she’d lend me a hand if anything happened. The Valkyries, however, seemed to pay particularly close attention to rank and status, even though I’d never gotten that impression from Lumina. I figured it might have had something to do with their education and how they were brought up.

We chatted a bit more and, once we finished eating, I stopped by my room for Substance X. Once I caught up with the girls in front of the restricted grounds, I apologized for making them wait for me, and we entered together.

“Let us resume,” Lumina ordered the regiment. “Seeing as Luciel has joined us today, we will be conducting an escort exercise. Defenders must protect their person of interest from attackers during the allotted time limit. Should the attackers deal a blow to the person of interest, they will be the victors. Questions?”

“Yes, ma’am.” I raised my hand.

“Ask.”

“Is magic allowed? I don’t think I’ll be able to hit anyone otherwise.”

“Hm.” She thought for a moment, then answered, “That is a reasonable threat to consider while escorting someone. I will allow it.”

“Thank you.” This way, it wouldn’t hurt so bad when I got my butt handed to me.

“You will be divided into teams of five and are to continue the exercise until I signal its end. Luciel will be your person of interest. Guard him well.”

“Yes, ma’am!” the paladins replied.

We’d begin on the outskirts of the grounds and make our way to the center. Simple. My team, like a secret service squad, was decidedly untalkative, which I assumed would change in the event of an emergency.

On the defending team with me were Lucy, Queena, Ripnear, and two new faces. One of them was Myra, who kept her hair tied up in a ponytail and had a domineering presence. The other, Saran, wore her gear less than modestly, leaving her rippling abs exposed for all to see.

I introduced myself to both, but Myra struck me as the strong, silent type, so she was a mystery to me. Saran, though, talked like a sailor sometimes, and I was convinced she was a softie deep down.

We made our way down the field, and the fighting started. They were on us like flies. Arrows started flying, some right by my head, and someone shoved me down. I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything—chaos had descended all at once. All I could manage was an Area Barrier.

The attackers quickly swarmed us, then came the clanging of swords and shields.

“This way!”

I didn’t know who the voice had come from, but I followed it, keeping my head low until we made it to the wall. Once I finally got my bearings, I saw that Lucy was standing with me while the others held off our pursuers.

Just then there came a firm, “Enough!”

The paladins quickly formed up to hear Lumina’s appraisal.

“Defenders, congratulations on your victory. Attackers, you fought well. Now, I would like to consider a few points of improvement...”

In summary, Lumina’s review went as follows:

Attackers

Grew impatient at being unable to break through at a five-to-four advantage.

The entire team rushed into close range.

Only attempted to attack the person of interest at the beginning of the match.

Defenders

Only reacted to the attack once the arrows began to fly.

Should have planned out a route beforehand, as well as several safe alternatives.

Lumina turned to me. “Any thoughts, Luciel?”

“Not particularly. The arrows were so quiet, I could barely hear them coming. I had no idea who was attacking with what or from where. The whole thing was kind of a blur. I guess if I had to describe my impression, I’d say it was nerve-racking, but not much else.”

“Hm, I will take that into consideration. Anyone else?” A girl with curly blonde hair raised her hand (one of the attackers). “Yes, Elizabeth.”

“Our team’s defeat was most certainly invited by the mistakes you spoke of, ma’am. However, I believe the greatest factor in our loss,” she pointed at me, “lies with him.” The others on her team nodded in agreement.

Lumina smiled, then she, too, nodded. “Well said. Lucy and her team have been paladins for barely five years. Under normal circumstances, they would stand no chance against your combined experience. The unfortunate truth, however, is that the defenders had an abnormality: a boy who, by the young age of seventeen, has achieved level five as a healer and possesses a Holy Magic skill of seven.”

Hold on, where had she gotten that information from? Did she have an appraisal skill like Cattleya?

“But that’s...that’s not possible!” Elizabeth cried, incredulous. “Not by any amount of talent!”

This time everyone nodded, including the defenders.

“Peace, Elizabeth. As I said, he is an anomaly. A ‘weirdo,’ so to speak,” Lumina stated with absolute certainty and little regard for my mental wellbeing.

“Come on, I’m a weirdo? Isn’t that a little rude? Especially coming from you, Miss Lumina.”

“Oh, am I wrong? Please do explain how my reports of you boarding at an Adventurer’s Guild ten days after registering with the Healer’s Guild are inaccurate. I believe you were given meals, a bed, and training in exchange for healing.”

Where in the world was all my personal info being leaked from? “Er, well, you’re not wrong, but I was desperate. I just wanted to learn how to survive, no matter what.”

“I’ve heard you were beaten to the ground from dawn until dusk, yet you never backed down. As I recall, this earned you some rather interesting epithets.” A positively radiant smile spread across her face. As beautiful as it was, I had a bad, bad feeling about it.

“Did my ears deceive me, Luciel the Masochist Healer? Or should I say, Zombie Healer? What else would the owner of such colorful titles be if not a weirdo?”

I prostrated myself before her. “Please, have mercy. I don’t know where those names came from. I was only trying to survive. I’m begging you.”

“Your sexual proclivities aside, I see now that my reports of your zombie-like determination were indeed accurate. Thank you for confirming them.” She had already known all of this. I was just a puppet for her sick little show. “You healed not only adventurers but common folk every day, without rest, for one silver each, yes?”

I might have been in my thirties on the inside, but Lumina was clearly beating me in the race of mental maturity. Unless my new body was physically holding me back...

The other paladins looked baffled, muttering amongst themselves.

“That’s insane.”

“I suppose all healers’ reputations are doomed from the start.”

“Your confusion is understandable,” Lumina interjected, “but I would advise you to regard Luciel’s healing skill as one would view a practiced veteran’s.”

I had no idea if she was praising me or just teasing me again, and I knew I wouldn’t get an answer now. The escort exercise continued with rotating teams well into the afternoon.

“Enough! You may disband for lunch. Return here and we will depart for the forest once your preparations have been made.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Although Lumina had announced the end of training, it didn’t mean I had time to rest. All throughout lunch, the Valkyries pelted me with question after question about my life at the Adventurer’s Guild. Very little time had gone by since my departure from Merratoni, but I found myself missing my master, Nanaella, and the others more and more.

I sensed the clamor at our table garnering cold glares from those around us in the dining hall (good practice for detection skills?), but these weren’t adventurers so I wasn’t in any danger...right?

Lunch flew by.

“Gather and saddle your steeds, ladies. We enter the wilderness to slay monsters.”

Amid a cacophony of “Yes, ma’ams” came a single confused, “What?”

All eyes turned towards me.

“You have a question, Luciel?” Lumina asked.

“Uh, not exactly. I’ve just never ridden a horse before.”

Lumina, along with everyone else, looked positively flabbergasted. “That is...unexpected,” she said, the word “ignoramus” all but flashing in her eyes. But how could a paladin regiment assume that everyone and their mothers had ridden horses before? “It is what it is,” she said resignedly. “I will have you practice with the stablehands. Our exercises are liable to be observed by others, you see.”

“I’m sorry. I feel bad about this.”

“It’s nothing. I lacked consideration. You may use the field to practice and we will return when our exercise is done.”

“Thank you. You all be careful.”

“Ladies, make your way there. I will be with you once I’ve seen Luciel to the stables.”

When we arrived, Lumina introduced me to the man in charge.

“Luciel, this is Yanbath, the stablemaster. Yanbath, this is the newest exorcist, Luciel.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve never even touched a horse before, so I’ve got some learning to do. I’d really appreciate your help.”

Yanbath looked like an average middle-aged man. “Mister Luciel, please raise your head! I’m only a stablemaster.” Compared to Brod and the gang, he seemed older, but that was an unfair comparison. Those top adventurers were probably the exception.

“He is in your hands, Yanbath.”

“Of course, my lady.”

“Luciel,” Lumina called as she mounted her horse and looked back at me, “learn well.” Then she galloped off like a gallant cavalier.

“Wow, that was cool.” I turned to Yanbath. “Thank you again for your help.”

“Think nothing of it.”

My first horse awaited.