09 — A Zombie and His Master

09 — A Zombie and His Master

With immense effort, I held in a victory cry as I stepped out of the labyrinth and went to open the door to Cattleya’s shop. It was only thanks to my sharpened senses after months upon months down below that I managed to dodge the streak of silver that instantly came flying towards my neck. Sensing that my assailant wasn’t going to let up after a single attempt, I summoned a shield just in time to block another attack. I peered around the side and saw Cattleya standing there, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“Was that second one necessary?” I complained just before something forced me suddenly backwards, sending me tumbling down the stairs.

My brain seemed to rattle around in my skull. A quick casting of Heal soon fixed the pounding in my head.

“What did I do to deserve that?!”

I stumbled back to my feet as Cattleya dove towards me. I braced myself for pain, but it never came. Instead, she threw her arms around my neck and embraced me.

“What in the world’s gotten into you? Hey, I’m talking to you!”

It was kind of hard to be happy about a hug from someone who’d just tried to kill me. My heart was pounding a mile a minute and it was not out of love or excitement. It felt a bit like when the zombies would gnaw on me back in the first boss room.

“You’re alive,” she said.

Yeah, sure, she could smile all she wanted, but I was not about to be gaslit... Wait, “I’m alive”? When had I died?

“Yeah, I sure am. Just barely, though. The fortieth floor was rough. It took me about half a year to beat the main chamber, I think. I tried to come back right after that, but things got complicated, and I had to keep going.”

“I’m so glad you’re safe. But now’s not the time. We need to hurry to... No, before that, you need to go out there and stop those adventurers.” She was practically a whirlwind of panic.

“Can you maybe slow down and explain what’s going on, please?”

Cattleya granted neither of my requests and all but threw me into the elevator. I stopped trying to keep up with it all and thought about how I’d kill for a tasty meal right about now as she dragged me all the way to the reception desk.

Familiar faces were awaiting me there.

“Master?! Gulgar, Galba!” I shouted. “What is everyone doing here? You too, Grantz? Did something happen? Whatever it is, I’ll help with anything I can.”

Silence greeted me.

“Um, hello?”

A very awkward silence.

Then everyone rushed forward and started pounding me on the back.

“Well, he looks pretty damn alive to me,” Brod grunted.

“Look at ’im! Still got his head on his shoulders!”

Galba laughed. “Just what have you been doing all this time?”

So, clearly, they’d thought I had gone and died. I hadn’t meant to stay in the labyrinth for so long, but now I felt bad about worrying everyone. Cattleya’s reaction was starting to feel more justifiable. I had told her that I might stay down there a bit longer than usual, but no one in their right mind would have described my little sojourn as “a bit longer.” She deserved an apology from me later.

Grantz headed for the entrance then turned around. “Hey, Whirlwind, I’m fillin’ in the folks outside on the news. And you, Saint Weirdo, I’d better see your mug back at the guildhall before long.”

“Um, yeah. Right,” I replied absentmindedly as the local guildmaster departed. “So, I’m sorry for worrying you all, but what is everyone doing here?”

Brod sighed. “For the love of...”

“Give ’im a break. You know Luciel’s got a few screws loose,” Gulgar cut in.

“Care to fill us in on what you’ve been up to?” Galba asked with a smile.

Before I could reply, an uproarious cheer erupted from outside.

“Is there a festival going on today?”

The three of them plus Cattleya (er, even the receptionists?) seemed to collectively die inside. I elected to strategically ignore this. Anyway, the labyrinth was obviously still a secret.

“There’s a training facility for healers here. Something went wrong while I was inside, and I got stuck in there for ages.”

Brod smacked my head without warning.

“Ow! Man, you’re still too quick for me to keep up with. What did I even spend these two years training for?” My eyes started to burn.

“Didn’t I tell you? You might be my apprentice, but you don’t have shit for talent. Come back in a hundred years and maybe we’ll talk,” he huffed. “Got some nerve makin’ me worry my ass off.” Someone was in a good mood.

“A hundred years?!” My rumbling stomach abruptly interjected. “Say, Gulgar, I’m starving to death over here. I could really go for some of your cooking.”

The wolf-man bellowed with laughter. “You got it, pal! Whaddya say we get you to the Adventurer’s Guild and I’ll whip up somethin’ nice? Hey, lady, we’re borrowin’ your healer for a bit!”

“We’ll need him to report back, but...I suppose that’s for the best,” the receptionist replied.

“Yeah, this gal gets it!”

“Cattleya, could you let the pope know I made it out? And tell her I have something she needs to hear.” I could hardly report on the labyrinth with all these people around.

She nodded. “Will do.”

A moment later, I found myself staring at the ceiling.

“Let’s get outta here, boys!”

“Master! Let go of my neck! And Gulgar, why are you grabbing my legs?! Not you too, Galba! Please, they’re going to start spreading rumors again! Anything but that!”

“Don’t be such a baby, Saint Sir Weirdo.” Brod stifled a guffaw.

Gulgar, however, cackled unreservedly. “Hold on tight, Weirdo!”

“Now, now, don’t struggle. Just relax. You’ll have your new nickname soon, I’m sure.”

“Let me gooooo!”

And off we went. They paraded me around the Holy City like I was a human palanquin all the way to the guildhall.

＊

Cattleya relayed the news of Luciel’s return to the pope and the Church’s various high-ranking officials. Even the young healer’s critics seemed relieved to hear that he was alive. The knights were strong, but so were the hordes of adventurers who had been one step away from laying siege to the castle, and few priests or bishops were familiar with the battlefield. Genuine fear had been rampant in the castle halls of late, and the sheer strength of Luciel’s influence could not be denied. Those who felt the reverberations of the young healer’s actions began to plot ways to earn his trust, how to stay on his good side, or, at the very least, how to stay far, far away from him.

＊

Not long after I gorged myself on a delicious meal (a Gulgar and Grantz collaborative work), Substance X was brought out, and I was predictably forced to drink it.

The guildhall was filled with adventurers who couldn’t go to a clinic for one reason or another—financial, racial, or otherwise—so I reinstated Saint Weirdo’s Day. Despite the fact that I was so full it almost hurt, helping others beat fighting the undead any day.

After my work was done, I asked my master for a sparring match. This time, I was sure that I would land a hit with the techniques that I’d learned from my late “second master.”

“I let my guard down earlier, but I was serious about having been training for two years. I’m not going to hold back!”

“Sounds to me like all you trained in was how to talk out your ass. Who the hell taught you how to hold a sword and spear like that?”

“Let’s save it for the match, shall we?”

“All right, bring it!”

I leaped towards him, charging my body with magical energy, swiped my blade upwards and thrust out my spear.

And then I was on the floor.

Wait, on the floor?

“You’re gettin’ there, I’ll give you that, but if you think you’re some hotshot then maybe I need to remind you where you stand.”

“Sorry. You’re probably right.”

“Stand up. We’re gonna set you straight.”

“Yes, sir!”

No one said it out loud, but I later heard what the adventurers around us were thinking as they watched me pick myself back up, over and over and over: the legend of Merratoni—the Masochist Healer—was no tall tale.

The adventurers knew who Brod was (the legendary Whirlwind, former S-ranker), and the way I dragged my exhausted body up and threw myself against him with wild abandon was akin to the way a zombie single-mindedly pursued living flesh.

And so was born yet another nickname: the Living Zombie. But it would still be some time before I learned about that.

“You planning on takin’ a nap? Get up before I tear that arm off.”

“I’m ready...for anything!” I wheezed between grunts of pain.

“Oh, a tough guy, huh? I’m impressed you can still talk all that shit. All right, the gloves are comin’ off!”

“Gaaaaah!”

It would not have surprised me if Brod could have single-handedly taken on the entirety of the Church’s fighting force. In a strange way, it was like I was back at the Merratoni Adventurer’s Guild. I felt at home and sincerely happy that there were people around who cared about me.