08 — Impromptu Barbeque

08 — Impromptu Barbeque

Twenty-seven horses were gathered outside the Holy City, ready for the upcoming drills. To my surprise, Jord and the other healers could ride their steeds perfectly well. It soon became clear to me that I was the lowest-level rider out of everyone present, and my mood took a dive.

I sat atop Forêt Noire, who was acting strangely pompous and bossy around the other horses. I almost started to believe it was Forêt that was keeping me from riding any of the others.

We took our position next to Lumina, the one who actually knew where we were going, and started on our way. Forêt galloped, nimble and free, and “horse-riding” began to take on new meaning to me. I’d never let her run so unhindered before. If nothing else, this revelation made the entire outing worth it.

“You’re tensing up, Luciel,” Lumina warned. “You’ll tire both yourself and the poor steed out.”

“I think I’ll be okay,” I laughed. “I’ll just keep casting Heal until I figure this out.”

“You can’t be serious.”

Forêt’s intense speed jostled me all over the place, and without stirrups to steady myself, it felt like I was going to fall off at any moment. It was all I could do to focus on keeping my thighs tight so that I wouldn’t eat dirt. I couldn’t even talk to anyone. The Valkyries and my team were perplexed at first but quickly found my floundering entertaining and started to laugh.

Just as I was getting the hang of it, we arrived.

“That forest is our destination. Dismount and prepare,” Lumina called.

I hopped off Forêt to feel a stinging in my groin. Go figure...using muscles for an extended period of time made them hurt.

I cast cleansing magic on my mount. “Thanks, bud. I’ll try and make the return trip a bit easier.”

She whinnied in reply, as if to thank me. Yanbath had cautioned me that a bad rider put more strain on the horse, much like driving motorbikes improperly would wear down the tires and stuff faster. The bikes never complained, though. And none of this would have been such an issue if I’d been able to ride other horses to get my Riding skill higher.

“Uh, Luciel, sir? You ride like a stone statue,” Beatrice remarked as she came up next to me.

“Except half as graceful,” Kathy added, kicking me while I was down.

They were terrible actors. I could see the smirks and giggling behind their “concerned” expressions.

“Forget the ‘sir,’” I insisted. “I know I’ve got my own unit now, but I’m still a Valkyrie, even if only honorary.”

Self-control went right out the window, and the two girls completely lost it, followed by Jord and the others. What else was there for me to do but join in?

Suddenly, seemingly drawn by our laughter, a small car emerged from the forest. Wait, no, never mind; it was a forest boar. The Healer Pentad (and I) recoiled, but the others seemed completely unfazed.

“Sir, that’s one big monster. Isn’t this, like, dangerous?” Jord whimpered.

I sure thought so, but we looked like children compared to the Valkyries right now.

“Oh boy, he looks tasty,” Beatrice commented.

“We’ll have to drain the blood. Then we ought to be able to enjoy it somewhat safely,” Myla remarked.

“Fortunately, I have my frying pan right here.”

“Elizabeth, you always have that damn thing. Hell, I just wanna stuff my face with him already! I’d kill for some booze to wash it down too!”

“You don’t even drink, Saran. I’ll thank you to not make vulgar remarks.”

“Captain Lumina, can we take this thing down already?” another Valkyrie asked.

“Thought that was Luciel and his folks’ job,” Gannet replied.

“Show no mercy,” Myla instructed. “Hesitation leads to cruelty if one can’t deliver the finishing blow. Even for monsters.”

“Go on, Luciel. Show us how much you’ve grown,” Ripnear urged.

“I’ll pick out the bones.”

“Aim for the neck and avoid the head; it’s too thick.”

I had no choice in the matter. Did I even stand a chance against this thing? I seriously doubted it.

“You know, I think I’m good,” I argued. “Me? Take that thing on? I don’t even know how to fight it.”

“Honestly, Luciel, you’re more cowardly than I thought. I found the wraiths of the labyrinth far more intimidating,” Lumina reproached me. “You may have to fight during your travels, and this is your chance to get a taste for it. A forest boar would never best you. We all believe in you.”

Did they really? Jord seemed about ready to hightail it out of there.

Lumina pushed me lightly from behind, and I gave in.

“Guess I’ll break a leg.”

I cast Area Barrier and activated Physical Enhancement, then faced the boar. I felt everyone around me watching, felt their confidence in me, until I got close to the monster, and they started shouting out instructions to prepare for the barbeque.

Leaving me no time to be dejected, the beast charged.

“Crya, Divine Healer, God of Fate, Lord, Buddha, ancestors, lend me your strength.”

I waited for just the right moment to sidestep the charge. Taking it head-on was out of the question. A healer couldn’t afford to be that reckless. But then I sensed the beast’s defenselessness and summoned a dagger from my bag, filled it with magic, and flung it. It landed squarely in the monster’s right eye, slowing its speed dramatically.

Now we were talking. As I wavered between dodging or parrying, then going for the neck, I threw another dagger, which buried itself in the monster’s left eye. The boar toppled over and rolled onto the ground before coming to a stop with its stomach directly in front of me, spasming.

“Wow, uh...sorry about that.”

I quickly put the beast out of its misery by severing its head. When I turned around, I was met with applause. That is, until Beatrice and Kathy came over to rain on my parade.

“You were doing so well—why’d you cut the head off? Now there’s blood everywhere!”

“We need to gut it quickly.”

Saran and Elizabeth promptly started skinning it.

“Damn, these guts’d go great with some booze!”

“Saran, again, you don’t drink! For heaven’s sake... And monsters are inedible. They must be purified to remove the miasma first.”

“Purified?” the other three girls echoed.

“We need a favor, Luciel,” Kathy requested while every single Valkyrie shot me death stares.

I looked at Lumina, but she, too, had been bewitched. And it was then that I knew I had no say in the matter. I stood amid the chaos alone, my very own unit losing themselves to the girls’ strange behavior, and made my heart a stone. I resigned myself to my fate as the designated purifier.

The Healer Pentad was amazed by the extent of my magic, but I was too focused on the ravenous women around me to care. The Valkyries swiftly carried away the purified meat and our barbeque quickly kicked off.

Today’s savior: Palaragus. He was the one who’d asked about medicinals a while back. Apparently, he grew herbs and spices in his room at HQ, and that was why he’d been worried about my opinion on the matter. Now that his mind was at ease, he carried culinary spices everywhere he went. And man did it come in handy this time. The Valkyries’ traditional meal of unseasoned monster meat was transformed into a flavorful feast. That paladin and his plants would go far.

I had to wonder, though, whether this sort of training did us any good. If this became the norm, it would really raise the bar for boosting morale.

All these worries quickly vanished from my head, though. The Valkyries were adamant about our units cooperating like this again, and I knew the others would eat me alive if I refused. So we decided to do these exercises once or twice a month from then on.

Plus, I just couldn’t say no to Lumina when she looked at me that way. But all play and no work wouldn’t get Jack very far, now would it? There was only one thing to do: make their training at the Adventurer’s Guild that much harder.

And so time flew by.