Chapter 27: The Path of Laughter

The Hidden Dungeon Only I Can Enter — LNCrawler · All chapters

Chapter 27:
The Path of Laughter

IT WAS TIME to take on the tenth floor of the hidden dungeon. Before I turned the corner to face the stone dog, I pulled out the Shield of Champions and a large mallet that I’d bought at a weapons shop. With a little luck, it would be more useful against a stone enemy than a sword or spear.

I poked my head around the corner and saw that stone dog was still there with its mouth wide open. It didn’t look like much, but that thing was Level 200. Even if my shield held up against the Red Particle Beam, there was no telling whether the mallet could destroy it. Time to ask the Great Sage.

If I wanted to Bestow a skill on my weapon to deal with a stone enemy, which should I use?

I guess I could have used the sword after all. But I didn’t want to waste my fancy new mallet, either, so I decided to let the LP cost decide.

Stone Cutter would cost 500 LP to create and another 1,000 to Bestow on my sword. Stone Crusher also cost 500 LP, but it was only 200 to Bestow it on the mallet. I guess it was better suited to smashing up rocks in the first place. I spent the 700 LP and found myself with a mallet perfect for smashing stone enemies.

I took up my shield in my left hand and the mallet in my right. Then I made sure I could use Dungeon Elevator again, just in case. Finally, I turned the corner and approached the stone dog. As I got closer, it manifested particles of light into its mouth, just like before. I held my breath and prayed that the shield would hold. When the beam fired, I held up my shield to block it. The beam sizzled when it struck the metal but showed no sign of burning through. I pushed forward and smashed the stone dog to pieces with my mallet.

“Serves you right!”

I’d won! It was over! Or at least, so I thought. But even though the only thing left of the dog was its head, it still tried to fire its beam again.

“Give up and die already!”

Before it managed to fire, I smashed its head with my mallet and reduced it to rubble. I stood over it for a few moments to make sure it was really dead this time, then let out a sigh of relief. How could it fight when it was only a head? Creepy. But I’d beaten it, and I’d even leveled up in the process.

I pressed on down the hallway, hoping to find something valuable. After about five minutes, I ran into a dead end. Alright, not quite a dead end. There were three holes in the wall at the end, each of them just large enough to squeeze through. There was also a piece of paper on the floor. I picked it up and read it.

If you are looking for the stairs: you can pick any hole. On your left is the Path of Anger, the middle is the Path of Sorrow, and to the right is the Path of Laughter. Pick the one that suits you best.

No more help seemed to be forthcoming. It was hard to figure out if I could trust a piece of paper, but if what it said was true, then I could take any path to the eleventh floor. What kind of choice was that, anyway? Of course I’d pick the Path of Laughter. I went through the right hole, and found a door just inside. I opened it and walked through.

“Yeeeeeah!”

“Excuse me?” I asked.

Everything had changed. All of a sudden, I was in what looked like a trendy bar, standing on the stage. I didn’t understand what was going on, but everyone was applauding me.

“What’s going on?”

The audience didn’t seem hostile, but the fact that I couldn’t see them with Discerning Eye implied that they weren’t normal. I couldn’t let my guard down, but no attack ever came. An old man at the back of the room smiled gently.

“You’re the comedian for today, huh? Do your best to entertain us and—”

There was a man in a top hat and tails standing beside him. He opened the door at the back of the room.

“The stairs?!”

“Yes,” said the old man. “We’ll give you the path you seek.”

So that was why this was called the Path of Laughter. It didn’t mean I would be laughing. I had to amuse other people.

“Don’t think you can just force your way through,” the old man warned. “Or you shall not return with your life.”

So, they’d kill me if I failed. Why did it always come down to killing? I had no idea how strong they were, but either way, fighting was a stupid plan. I was completely outnumbered.

“So I just have to be funny, huh?” I asked.

“I’m looking forward to it. Come on everyone, give him a big round of applause!”

I was incredibly nervous, but I just had to give it my best shot!

I approached the front of the stage and wiggled my arms and legs around in a strange dance. My father always stretched like this when he got out of the bath. I made kissing sounds with my mouth and crossed my eyes. I figured making a fool out of myself was a good place to start.

“So, I was swimming earlier,” I said. “And I saw this huge octopus monster. I looked at it, and it was like…wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle!”

I used my whole body to do my best impression of an octopus. I thought it was pretty funny, but I didn’t get a single laugh, not even a mean-spirited chuckle.

Where did all that applause from earlier go, guys?

“Um, ahem, so for my next trick,” I said. “An impression of a golden slime.”

I flopped down on the floor, abandoning whatever dignity I had left. After a moment, I popped back up again.

“Tadaah!”

I’d thought it was pretty realistic, but the atmosphere was frosty. About half the people had already left to start drinking. I had to up my game, and fast. It was time to bring out my secret weapon.

“All right, now I’m going to write something with my butt!”

And this was no normal butt-writing. Oh no! I did my best to write my name with the most ridiculous, over-the-top gestures.

By the time I got to the last letter, everyone had gone. The only person still watching was that dapper old man. I sighed.

“Wasn’t that…funny?”

“Please leave,” he said. “You don’t belong here.”

“Okay…”

I slipped back through the doorway with a broken heart. I suppose I could have tried again, but I was too traumatized by my first attempt.

I’m sorry, father. I have no sense of humor. I guess I really am your son.

“Okay,” I said, psyching myself back up again. “Enough moping! This isn’t over!”

So it was either Path of Anger or the Path of Sorrow next. Which to choose, which to choose…