Chapter 9: Headache Relief and the Rainbow Grasshopper
Chapter 9:
Headache Relief and the
Rainbow Grasshopper
AT FIRST, the adventurers from Lahmu seemed to lose interest in teasing me. Instead, they started grilling me about how I made the Stone Bullet bigger. Of course, I wasn’t about to tell them. This prompted them to hurl their most pathetic insults yet.
“You’re such a stupid dummy, we hope you get eaten by monsters!”
I didn’t even know what to say. I mean, how do you respond to such a childish insult? At any rate, they flounced away shortly after, and I was left to roam the plains on my own. It wasn’t long before I defeated a second and third goblin. For both, I fell back on my tried and true strategy of knocking them down with a Stone Bullet and finishing them off with my sword.
“And that’s all six I need for the request!”
It really was easy to take out low-level enemies with my current skills. If they had been even a little more powerful, they probably could have dodged. That was the thing about leveling—it didn’t just make individuals physically potent. Higher levels meant a wealth of experience and knowledge too.
“Ms. Lola! I’m back!”
“Oh! I just knew you’d make it, Mr. Noir.” Lola stood up to greet me as I walked into the guild hall and gave me the 8,000 rels reward. Then, curiously, she picked up a bell and started ringing it. “Mr. Noir Stardia has completed his first request!”
Even though it was evening, there were still a number of adventurers in the guild hall. At the sound of the bell, all of them stood and started clapping.
“Congratulations!”
“Now you’re really one of us.”
“We’re here for you if you ever want to form a party!”
I was unexpectedly overwhelmed with a sense of warmth. I had joined the guild to make money for my tuition, but now I was genuinely happy to be part of it.
“Thank you, everyone! Your support means a lot!”
I bowed and greeted the senior members of the guild. Being recognized as a proper member felt even more amazing. As though I really belonged here.
I assured Lola I’d be back the next day and headed out. The money from completing my first request jangled in my purse. I knew I should save it, but I decided to treat myself just this once and buy something delicious on my way home. But as I was browsing the food stalls on the market street—
“Have you seen Noir?!”
I overheard three people going around begging for news about me. As I approached, I realized they had unusually serious expressions on their faces.
“Father, mother, and even you, Alice? What are you doing here?”
“Whoaaa! Thank goodness, you’re alive!”
“Huh? Whoa!”
The three of them embraced me, stopping the conversation dead in its tracks. When I finally got them to respond to my question, the answer surprised me.
“You never came home!”
“Yeah, we were worried you failed the entrance exam and the shock might have…”
“Made you remove yourself from this world…”
“Why the hell would I do that?!” I thought my family knew me better than that. I wasn’t the kind of person to off myself. As unflattering as it was to admit, I’d rather live a miserable, pathetic life than die. That said, people have died over less, I suppose. Honestly, I was kind of happy they were so concerned for me. “Don’t worry,” I reassured them. “I passed. I ranked third, even.”
“Wooooow! N-N-N-Noir, you’re kidding, right?!”
“No father, I’m telling the truth.”
“Tomorrow I’m bragging about this to everyone I know!” My father cheered and threw his fist up toward the sky.
Forget tomorrow, he immediately caught every person who passed by to tell them. I was so embarrassed, I asked the nearby butcher for some chicken as a distraction to try to get my father to calm down.
“Wait, isn’t that the top-grade stuff that costs 5,000 rels?!” my mother asked, beginning to panic.
“Rest easy, mother. That’s not the only news I have for you. I’ve started work as an adventurer, and today, I completed my first request and earned 8,000 rels as compensation. That’s why I was so late getting home.”
“Goodness, you’ve surpassed father’s earnings in a single day, brother dearest!”
“Aliiiice stop! Don’t destroy your poor father’s dignity!” my father cried, deeply wounded.
Normally, the nobility owned land or had a village somewhere that they could use to generate income, but we weren’t so fortunate. If we didn’t work, we didn’t eat. But my father was a proud man.
“This windfall is all well and good, but I’m still your father and it’s my job to ensure that my children are properly educated. Noir, how much is your tuition?”
“I need 300,000 rels next week.”
“How about…in a month?”
“Father, please. Don’t worry about it. I’ll pay my own way.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”
Despite my father’s regrets, the four of us returned home in good spirits and I was able to treat my family to a delicious chicken.
***
“We had a really juicy request come in today,” Lola told me the following morning. “You need to catch a rainbow grasshopper.”
“A…rainbow grasshopper?” I stared at the request slip, deep in thought. The rainbow grasshopper was, as the name suggested, a rainbow-colored grasshopper. Their habitat was more or less known, but they were exceedingly difficult to find, so they were a rather infamous creature.
“I’m sure it’ll be a piece of cake for you with your special skill, Mr. Noir.”
“Ah, right!” I’d completely forgotten about my Great Sage skill. I could use it to ask just about any question and get an answer. “Well, I guess I better get going.”
Emma’s face came to mind the moment I stepped out of the guild hall. I had only ever been able to properly use my Great Sage skill with the help of her kisses, but on the off chance, I tried using Get Creative to make the skill Complete Headache Immunity.
Complete Headache Immunity — 5,000 LP
That was insane! With only 700 LP to my name, the skill was completely out of reach. I considered trying it again without the word “complete.” This dropped the cost all the way down to 300 LP, so I figured it was worth a try.
“I wonder how well it’ll work,” I murmured. Even if I did get a headache, maybe it wouldn’t be as intense now. I was a little scared to try though, since there was still a chance it could be awful. I decided I should be near Emma before I tried, just as a backup pla—
“Noir, you big dummy!” Emma always had a way of appearing at just the right moment, and her boobs were as in-your-face as ever. But more to the point, she seemed a little mad about something. “When you said you were going to ‘pay your own way’ yesterday, you meant you were going to become an adventurer?! Why didn’t you invite me?!”
She must’ve stopped by my house and found out from my family. I decided I’d better apologize and make sure I expressed proper remorse. “Sorry…”
“Oh, uh, it’s fine. Don’t get so down about it. I just felt a little left out.”
“Adventuring is dangerous anyway, so I felt weird inviting you.”
“But we’re best friends, aren’t we? Did you forget the promise we made?”
“What, you mean in the park six years ago when I shouted that we’d be attached at the hip until we died?”
“Yes! And it was six years, five months, and twelve days ago.”
That was pretty darn specific. I certainly didn’t remember it that well. It was just some silly childish thing I’d said, but Emma must’ve taken it pretty seriously.
“Are you on a job now?” she asked. “I’m going with you. You can’t stop me.”
“Fine. I’m not going to. Let’s get going.”
All things considered, I was actually glad she’d joined me today. The two of us headed to the Humeur River, where the rainbow grasshoppers lived. The river ran near town and there were hardly any water monsters in the area, so the water was clear and full of fish. That made it a popular fishing spot. However, we weren’t there for the fish, so we walked the shore, combing the grass for grasshoppers.
It wasn’t easy. It was said that you could spend a whole year searching the shore and never spot one of the elusive bugs. Of course, their rarity meant the rainbow grasshoppers fetched a high price at the market, and the reward for this request was fairly impressive to boot. The insect’s only real value was aesthetic, so the request had no doubt come from some bored rich person with money to burn.
When simple searching proved fruitless, I stopped Emma. “I’d like to use my Great Sage skill, but I was wondering, if I…”
“Don’t finish that sentence! You know I’d do it for you any time. I mean, kisses are practically just a greeting after all!” Emma sounded happy. I could rest easy in using my skill with her assistance.
Where is the nearest rainbow grasshopper?
<It is approximately three hundred yards to the south, behind a large boulder.>
I had a bit of a headache, but nothing I couldn’t tolerate, so I tried asking another question.
How many other rainbow grasshoppers are there in a three-mile radius?
<Two.>
My head seemed fine. It didn’t hurt any more than after the previous question. I threw in another one, just to test it out, and it really didn’t make the headache any worse. What a relief! If that was the worst the headaches would get, it was massive progress. It wasn’t even bad enough to hinder me in combat.
“Follow me,” I declared. “I know where one is.”
Emma balked. “Wait, no kiss?”
“I gave myself Headache Immunity, so I’m fine.”
“Aww…”
“I mean, well… Like you said, we’re best friends, so, you know, kisses are basically no different from a greeting. Which means we can do them whenever, right?”
That brightened her right up. “Oh! Totally. Let’s get going!”
Lo and behold, we found a rainbow grasshopper right where the Great Sage had suggested we would. Its body was striped with brilliant color, and it was a lot faster than a regular grasshopper. It wasn’t easy, but with the two of us working together, the bug didn’t stand a chance. The second we caught it, I dropped it in a bag and closed it up.
“Apparently, there are another two around here, we should catch them too.”
With the help of the Great Sage skill and Emma, it wasn’t even very hard. We captured the other two in no time and were heading back into town when she asked me a strange question.
“Hey, so, I think you got a little faster. Did you learn another new skill?”
“Oh, that might just be my level. I’m at 33 now.”
“What?! That’s almost double mine.” Emma was at Level 18. “You’re just leaving me in the dust, Noir.”
“Oh, no I’m not.”
“I want to get even stronger too. That settles it, I’m taking the exam to join Odin. And then I’m forming a party with you! Is…that okay?”
“Sure! I don’t mind at all. But let’s deal with this grasshopper first. Didn’t you know some old guy who was really into grasshoppers?”
“Oh, yeah, I remember him! I’ll go fetch him.”
Once we got back to town, I headed to the guild hall and Emma went to get the grasshopper man. He was a bit of a weirdo, but he liked to collect grasshoppers, so of course he was desperate to add a rainbow one to his collection. He’d made a killing in business in the past, so he had plenty of money to indulge in his hobby.
“Wait, did you already catch one?” Lola was surprised to see me so soon. She probably thought it would have been hard to actually capture it, even with the Great Sage skill to help.
“Take one from the bag.”
“You caught three?! T-talk about over-achieving…”
Impressed as she was, Lola processed the catch. It sounded like this one was worth quite a lot of points, getting me pretty close to D-Rank. I even got 50,000 rels as a reward.
“I brought him with me,” Emma called from the entrance.
“Oh, that was quick.”
Emma was already waiting outside the guild hall with the grasshopper man. He was a plump, middle-aged fellow who liked to indulge in the good things in life. I’d met him quite a few times before.
“It’s been a while, Noir,” he said.
“Indeed it has, sir.”
“So, I hear you caught a rainbow grasshopper?”
I opened the bag for him to see the goods and he let out an utterly delighted gasp of joy. “Would you take 100,000 for two?”
“Oh, 100,000 huh…?” That would be 50,000 per grasshopper. That was what I got from filling the guild request, but with no middleman they should have been worth more. I turned to Emma. “Remind me, how much did that other guy say he’d pay again?”
I winked at her. Saying we had an almost telepathic link was probably overstating it, but the two of us had been friends for a long time, so she immediately picked up on what I was doing. “Umm, 290,000 I think.”
“A full 290,000?! That’s insane!” The old man was shocked, but not as shocked as I was. Emma had gone way too high. I was guessing she’d say 150,000 at most. Surely nearly 300,000 was too much, even for this guy.
Plunk.
The man began to line up piles of coins.
“I have 300,000. Will you sell ’em to me for that?”
“They’re yours! Thank you for your patronage!” I responded instinctively with the standard shopkeepers’ script and handed the man the bag.
He looked immensely pleased with himself as he jaunted off. Meanwhile, Emma and I had similar expressions of barely suppressed surprise. I knew rainbow grasshoppers were rare, but it was hard to believe how easily that guy had parted with all this money. I guess the world wasn’t just full of scoundrels and cheapskates. I couldn’t help but envy his wealth, just a little. Though, at least a chunk of it was now mine.
Emma high-fived me. “We did it, Noir!”
“I totally thought you overplayed our hand at first.”
“I knew it would work. He’s loaded.”
“Wait. Doesn’t this mean…” I looked down at the money in my hands. That…I already have all the funds I need for my tuition?