Chapter 5: The Blind Date and the Arena

The Hidden Dungeon Only I Can Enter — LNCrawler · All chapters

Chapter 5:
The Blind Date and the Arena

AS USUAL, it was night by the time I got out of the dungeon, and I hurried home with the moon at my back. There were a lot of drunks out on the street tonight, and I was glad to get away from them.

“I’m home!”

I got back just in time for dinner and hurried into the living room to find food was still on the table, but something was wrong. After a moment, I realized that my sister wasn’t there.

“Is Alice upstairs?”

“No,” Father said, sounding worried. “She’s still not home. It’s very strange.”

Mother and Tigerson looked concerned too. Alice usually helped with dinner, and it was strange for her not to be home yet.

“Father, you didn’t peep on her while she was changing, did you?”

“What?! I would never do such a thing! I have never looked at my daughter in that way!”

“You haven’t, huh? So I guess she started hating taking baths with you because…”

<I think we cannot rule it out,> said Tigerson.

“I’m innocent!” Father protested. “There has to be some other reason why she isn’t home yet! Maybe she got distracted by a boy she likes and they’re—wait. Where’s my sword?!”

If I didn’t do something soon, he’d start swinging it around and making a fool of himself again. Granted, I didn’t think he’d do anything if Alice did have a boyfriend. He’d probably be happy for her. If it was true, at least.

“I’m pretty sure this is my fault,” I said. “I’m going to look for her.”

It was obvious she’d been unhappy with me since I got back. Tigerson volunteered to help with the search, but I needed to do this alone. If I could find her, maybe she’d tell me what was wrong.

I hurried outside and checked all the places I thought she could be: the town square, the park, shops, school… But half an hour later, Alice was still nowhere to be found. By then, it was about eight o’clock, so there were still a ton of people on the streets. Would I notice her in the crowd, even if she was nearby?

My only real option was to ask the Great Sage.

That close?!

I hurried on and found her straight away. Unfortunately, she wasn’t alone. There were three rather crude-looking men with her.

“Has she really fallen in with such a bad crowd?!”

But on closer inspection, she didn’t seem very happy to be there. They had to be hassling her, so I decided to follow. A few moments later, the four of them entered a small pub on a deserted street.

“I think this place is out of business.”

There was still a sign hanging outside, but it was ragged and uncared for. This didn’t seem the kind of place where Alice belonged at all.

I opened the door and walked inside to find what looked like a normal pub. There were tables and a bar, but the people were shady as hell. There were five or six other guys after the three Alice had come in with. There were a few women too.

“What’re you doin’ here, boy?” one of the men asked, approaching me.

Alice finally looked up and noticed me. “Brother?!”

“He’s your brother? Wouldn’t have guessed that!”

Well, sorry for not having Alice’s perfect skin and sparkling eyes!

“It’s late,” I said to Alice. “What are you doing here?”

“Um…these people…they made me…”

I knew it! Looking at the bar again, I saw some dried plants that could be used to dull the senses. Alice was in real trouble! I grabbed her hand and started walking out.

“Come on. Let’s go home.”

“I don’t think so, buddy,” said one of the men.

He and his friends had us surrounded. The only way out was through them but, when I used my Discerning Eye, they were all a lot stronger than I’d expected. Some of them were even over Level 50, and two or three had some worrying skills. If they attacked us all at once, I wasn’t sure I could beat them.

“What are you, a student?” one of them asked.

“Yes, at the Hero Academy.”

“What, are you kidding me?!”

The Hero Academy was mostly reserved for the elite. They didn’t expect someone as scruffy-looking as me to study there. How rude! I wasn’t going to stand for that.

“I’m in S-Class,” I told them.

“That’s it! I call bullshit!”

They all roared with laughter. Maybe it would be better just to roll with it, but Alice was getting mad.

“My brother’s not only in S-Class,” she said. “He’s at the top of it! So stop making fun of him!!”

“Is that right?” said the man. “Guess we’ll just have to find out for ourselves, right, boys?” He picked up an apple and stared at me while he crushed it in his hand. The juice dribbled down his arm and dripped onto the floor. It wasn’t only ridiculous—it was a waste of a perfectly good apple! But the others were all smirking, and Apple Juice Guy threw another one to me. “Should be a piece of cake, right?”

“Sure,” I said, crushing the apple completely.

I mean, I didn’t have superhuman strength like Lola, but this was child’s play. Even so, the men didn’t look all that impressed.

So why did you get me to do it, then?!

“All right, buddy,” said Apple Juice Guy. “Why don’t we have a little bout?”

He handed me a wooden sword, which was considerate. Guess he wanted to avoid the murder charges. A quick check revealed that he did have a swordsmanship skill, but it was only the C-Grade version. He stepped toward me, puffed up with confidence.

I smiled. “Stand back, Alice.”

“Noir, I’m so sorry that I got you into this!”

“Don’t worry about it! It’s my job to protect my little sister, after all.”

I patted her on the head and got into position while the other men moved the furniture out of the way.

Name: Kanakari Tohrah

Age: 22

Species: Human

Level: 63

Occupation: Dream Herb Dealer

Skills: Swordsmanship (Grade C); Improved Lunge

His stats were impressive for someone so young, especially since he wasn’t an adventurer. If he cleaned up his act and stopped selling drugs, he could probably have a successful life. Either way, I wasn’t intimidated.

He pointed his wooden sword up at the ceiling and charged—closing the space between us with a single step. Pretty dang cool. He had Improved Lunge to thank for that. That said, his swordsmanship left a lot to be desired, and I calmly parried his attack away.

“Whoa!”

Apple Juice had too much forward momentum to stop himself. When I parried his attack, he lost balance, leaving himself wide open. I gave his hand a firm whack with my wooden sword, making him drop his weapon.

“Convinced yet?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing his hand. “But now I want to fight for real.”

Seemed practice swords just weren’t exciting enough for him. But I was confident enough that I could manage just as well with the real thing. The onlookers goaded him on, but I had no interest in continuing with this charade. I quickly made the Explode skill and Bestowed it on his wooden sword, which promptly blew up. Everyone’s eyes suddenly doubled in size.

“What the hell just happened?!”

“Why did it just—”

“Because I did it,” I said. “Now stop wasting my time and get out of my way.”

I kept my voice flat and calm, playing the coolheaded badass. The men muttered to each other.

“Still want to go a round with real swords?” I asked. “I’m warning you: your head will end up on one of them.”

“I, uhh…” Apple Juice stammered. “I have a stomachache. Why don’t one of you do it?”

Just like that, his fighting spirit melted away and he tried to pass the task off onto one of the others. Only, for some reason, none of them seemed interested either.

“All right, then,” I said. “Now I’m going to take my sister and leave. Any objections?”

“G-go right ahead…”

Suddenly, everyone was so considerate and polite! I smiled as Alice and I headed out together. As soon as we were outside, I stopped to make sure she wasn’t injured.

“No, I’m okay. Nobody touched me. Sorry for the trouble, Brother Dearest.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “No trouble at all. So were you late for dinner because you got caught up with those guys?”

“N-no…I was talking to Ms. Lola about something.”

“Lola? What did you guys talk about?”

“Well, um…”

What was I thinking? Of course a girl of her age wouldn’t want to tell her brother all about her troubles. Maybe it had something to do with Alice’s coldness toward me, but I needed to be more delicate.

For now, we needed to head home. Everyone would be worried about us. A long silence hung between us as we walked. Things had never been like this before. Maybe I couldn’t find out what was going on, but I at least wanted to apologize.

“Alice, I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to hurt your feelings. I really am.”

“You haven’t! I mean, you haven’t done anything wrong, Brother!” she cried, sounding pained. “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”

I was about to ask her why when we ran into Father, riding on Tigerson’s back.

“There you are!” he cried. “Look, Tigerson! There they are!”

<Indeed. And they appear unharmed. What a relief.>

“Alice,” said Father. “Did I do something to upset you? Did my socks stink too much? Was the bath dirty? Please, don’t abandon your poor father!”

And here we were again, with him making a fool of himself in the middle of the street. Fortunately, Alice and I had lots of experience in dealing with this sort of situation. We pretended that we didn’t know him and headed back into the house.

I still wanted to ask her what was happening, but when we were back, we didn’t get a moment alone together and I never got the chance.

The next morning, I was awoken by a strange presence in my room.

“Alice…?”

She was staring out my window, looking sad.

“Sorry for waking you up so early, Brother.”

I shook my head and got out of bed. “You want to talk about what happened yesterday, I’m guessing?”

“Yes. Listen, Brother, I was mad because, well, because I don’t want you to put yourself in danger anymore.”

Guess Emma was right after all.

I listened quietly as Alice told me her worries. How I kept going to places where one wrong step could kill me, and how much she wanted to beg me never to do it again. Eventually, the thought of how much danger I was in had made her angry with me.

“Sorry, Alice,” I said. “You’re right. I really have been doing a lot of dangerous things…”

Alice shook her head. “No. You haven’t done anything wrong. I was being unreasonable. Talking to Ms. Lola yesterday helped me realize that.”

Thank you, Lola!

“Your life is your own,” Alice went on. “And even if that comes with risk, it often comes with greater returns too, right?”

“Exactly!” I agreed. “Like right now, I’m trying to get stronger. That’s why I’m exploring the hidden dungeon.”

I was still a coward, but thanks to meeting my master, I had developed the spirit of adventure. Apparently, my father had been like that too, so perhaps it was in my blood. Or maybe I was just growing up. In truth, maybe it was a little of both.

“I know you’re going to be someone special, Brother. And I’m going to support you in any way I can. So please…let me apologize for how I’ve been acting.”

Before I could tell her that she didn’t need to apologize, Alice grabbed hold of her skirt and lifted it up.

Wait, Alice! I don’t want to see your underwear!

But I couldn’t help it. She was wearing cute pink panties today and they were—no, wait. What was wrong with me?!

“I-I’m so sorry…” Alice mumbled, flushing bright red and turning away from me.

That gesture was oddly familiar. Hadn’t I seen someone do this before?

“Did Lola tell you to do this?” I asked.

Alice fidgeted. “She said it was the best way to apologize to you.”

“Yeah,” I said. “That information is false.”

“B-but…she said it would help you earn LP.”

As if I would earn any LP from—wait. I’d got over 600?! That was more than I got when Lola did it! I hurriedly pulled Alice’s skirt back down. Alice left, face tinged with embarrassment, and let me get back to sleep.

I really needed to have a little chat with Lola.

***

Normally, I spent my Sunday mornings relaxing, but this was not one of those days. Today, I was out in the yard, swinging my sword as hard as I could. The skills my master had given me had made me much stronger, but there was one I had developed all on my own: C-Grade Swordsmanship. I guess all the time I’d spent swinging a sword about must have done the trick.

I would probably have to put in at least as much effort to learn a martial arts skill unless I wanted to make something with Get Creative. It gave me more respect for all the strong people I’d met so far—strength that they’d built up from hard work, morning to night. Slowly, I felt my swings and parries getting sharper. I really wanted to keep improving my swordsmanship with my own strength. After all, I needed something to challenge me. And besides, there were things that you couldn’t improve just by buying a skill up.

That said, Improved Lunge and Improved Side Step would probably be useful for whatever fights awaited me on the thirteenth floor, so I decided to buy them for myself. They only cost 300 and 200 LP respectively.

“Brother?” Alice called from the house. “Ms. Lola and Ms. Luna are here to see you!”

“Okay! Tell them I’m just going to get changed!”

I got out of my sweaty clothes and put on something more respectable, then headed downstairs to meet them. Luna seemed unhappy, but at least Lola was her normal cheery self.

“Goooood morning, Mr. Noir! You’re looking very cute today!”

“One day, Lola, I’ll get you to call me ‘handsome.’”

“Bah! You’re already handsome.”

She really did have a talent for stroking your ego. No wonder she was such a popular receptionist—some of those guys would work themselves to death just to see her smile.

Still, Luna was our heroine for today.

“Feeling nervous?” I asked her.

“Y-yeah. I’ve never been very good at stuff like this.”

“Well, we’re going to be right there to back you up. Shall we get going?”

We had one job today, and one job only: make Luna look as bad as possible, and make sure that she never had to see this guy again.

We’d arranged to meet at eleven in front of a fancy restaurant that was popular with the nobility. My friends and I arrived a few minutes early.

“Even the aristocracy have to make reservations here!” Lola said excitedly. “Let’s eat everything we can!”

She locked arms with me, but I shook my head.

“We can’t get distracted from our mission. We need to make sure we convince this guy that Luna is a terrible person.”

Luna sighed. “I know it’s just an act, but it still hurts.”

I patted her arm. “Remember, it’s all just pretend.”

At least Lola and I had been over the plan plenty of times already. We’d thought of everything we could that would turn a guy off.

At eleven o’clock, right on the dot, a carriage came down the street and stopped in front of the restaurant. As we watched, two men got out, one of them in his mid-twenties and the other one much older. The older man looked us all over as though he were appraising us. A consummate merchant as ever. Before long, his eyes fell on Luna.

Luna nodded.

The younger man made a strange noise and ran over to her. “Oooooh! You’re an elf! You even have pointy ears!”

He jumped up and down like a child. Honestly, it was a little creepy. He was handsome though. Rich too. A lot of women would probably be swayed by that.

“I’m Jonathan,” said the older man. “Founder of Torill Trading. And this is my son, Sopan.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” said Sopan. “But let’s not stand around chatting outside like the poors. Daddy, let’s go inside.”

Daddy?! I almost burst out laughing, and I could see Lola’s nose twitching too. We absolutely…could not…laugh. I had to pinch myself to hold it back. Lola seemed to be holding her breath.

“Hnn…”

Careful, Lola. Please don’t make yourself pass out.

“What are you two doing?” Jonathan asked.

“N-nothing, Dadd—Mr. Jonathan!”

Oh, no! Now I’d nearly done it too! Was it infectious?!

I was still covering my face as we went inside the fancy restaurant and a well-dressed employee escorted us to our dining room. It had tatami floors and a long table in the middle, already set with drinks. I figured they’d bring the food in later.

We sat down opposite each other, and I started to feel nervous.

“I believe you’re already aware of this,” said Jonathan. “But my son is looking for a wife.”

“Daddy! This is my date! Let me handle it!”

“O-oh, certainly,” said Jonathan. “I’ll hold my tongue.”

Sopan immediately launched into a long-winded and self-indulgent introduction. “I, Sopan, am seeking a most virtuous and obedient wife! She must be beautiful and love me for all of eternity!”

He really was taking this seriously! Honestly, Luna looked quite taken aback, but before we could say anything, Sopan went on and on into his personal history. He’d started working as a merchant when he was fifteen and boasted that he had quite the income now. Was he hoping that his fortune would help to persuade Luna?

“The fact that you work as a cleric clearly shows that your personality isn’t an issue,” said Sopan. “And anyone with eyes would agree that you’re beautiful. To top it all off, you’re a half-elf, so you won’t age either. You’re absolutely perfect!”

“Actually,” Luna said quietly. “Elves do age. The physical signs just appear more slowly than they do in humans.”

“But you shall remain beautiful for as long as I’m alive!”

Elves looked twenty-something well into their second or third century, so he wasn’t wrong about that. But Luna was starting to look frustrated. It was time for Lola and I to spring into action. I stifled a laugh.

“Okay, but…obedient? My sister?! I don’t think she even knows what that means…”

Lola nudged me playfully. “Right? And virtuous? Could you call her that? I mean, she beat us both up only yesterday!”

Sopan and his father froze.

“I…I think that’s enough, Noir,” Sopan managed at last. “Today is for Luna and I to get to know each other.”

“Really?” I snorted. “All I’m saying is that it’s your funeral, buddy. I mean, she’s always lazing around the house, eating and sleeping and ordering us around. And then there’s the revolving door of strange men coming in and out…”

“Strange men?!” Jonathan spluttered. “What are you talking about?”

He looked more concerned than Sopan about this, but it looked like we’d hit a nerve. Time to keep pushing.

“Oh, there’s always these sketchy men coming in and out with packages. She says it’s medical supplies, but I think it’s…you know…drugs and stuff. And they’re always up in her room doing something suspicious. That’s not even to mention all the drunk old men that come around. I’ve even seen some men with wanted posters come over. We just can’t say anything about it or she hurts us.”

“M-Ms. Luna, is this true?” Sopan demanded.

“I, um, can explain?”

She sounded so stiff and unnatural. I thought I told you to ham it up, Luna!

Fortunately, it seemed to work in our favor—her very visible discomfort was really selling it!

I turned to her with wide and frightened eyes. “I’m sorry, please don’t shoot me for saying all of this!”

“Shoot you?!” said Sopan. “Ms. Luna, you wouldn’t use that magical firearm on your own brother, surely?”

His eyes went wide with horror. Time for me to look really sad.

“B-but she always uses her Healing Shot right afterward, so no one can tell that she hurts us. It makes all the scars disappear, and she gets to watch us suffer.”

Luna looked horrified. She slapped her hand over my mouth to shut me up. Sopan was at a loss for words. With that last bit, we’d managed to completely shatter his image of the virtuous Luna, healing people at the temple for free.

“Do you really use that sort of violence?” Jonathan asked. “Against your own brother and sister?”

Luna fidgeted. She’d gone bright red. “I, um, I…may or may not…at times…I mean…”

Jonathan had heard everything he needed to. He got to his feet, enraged. “What a vulgar woman! That really is inexcusable. Let us forget this ever happened!”

Excellent decision, old man!

Lola and I smiled, already congratulating ourselves, but Sopan didn’t budge from his seat, even when his father called for him.

“Daddy, I know some of Luna’s actions are a little problematic, but as long as she isn’t violent toward me, we have nothing to worry about, do we?”

Uh oh! This guy was a more powerful foe than I’d anticipated.

Sopan’s father looked almost as shocked as we were.

“Cleric by day, violent monster by night,” said Sopan. “The contrast turns me on. People are so much more interesting when they have more than one side to them, don’t you think?”

Crap! He was only getting more determined. We had to think of something—quick!

“My sister has always been violent to those closest to her,” said Lola. “It’s hard to imagine that you’d be the exception, Mr. Sopan.”

“Nonsense. Money will solve that.”

“No! I’m sorry, but my sister cannot be moved by money. She enjoys watching people suffer too much!”

What a horrible thing to say! Of course, it wasn’t even remotely true, but Luna looked wounded all the same. Nevertheless, Sopan wasn’t convinced at all. He just kept insisting that she would shower him with love instead of violence. What was going on here?

“I want to speak to you alone, Ms. Luna,” he said. “I trust my gut, and it is telling me that you are kinder than you look.”

Ooh, so he’d rumbled us. That was the problem. It seemed Sopan had a better nose than his father.

Luna seemed to pick up on it too. “Thank you, Lola, Sir Noir, but you have done quite enough. I should have just been honest from the start.”

Our little farce was over. Luna looked Sopan straight in the eye.

“I have no intention of marrying you, but I could not turn down this meeting without hurting a dear friend. That is the only reason I am here.”

Sopan made a dismissive gesture. “I really don’t care. Are you with anyone?”

“N-no, not really.”

“Then there is no need for you to think about marriage. At least, not yet. I shall come and see you every day until I convince you. Until I steal your heart.”

Oh no! Our enemy had revealed his final form! I mean, sure, I guess there had to be some people who enjoyed being pursued like that, but this guy was something else. I was sure he’d end up a real stalker.

I looked at Luna and Lola, but both of them seemed to be out of ideas. There was nothing for it. I’d have to use my ultimate weapon. I gestured to Luna to get her permission and she nodded silently.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Sopan,” I said. “But my sister is deceiving you. You see, she hides her true form with a special skill. Fortunately, I have a spell to show you what she really looks like!”

Butterface — 200 LP

I cost a heft 800 LP to Bestow it on Luna, for a total of 1,000 LP. I’d wanted to avoid using it, but this guy had left us with no other choice. As soon as I was done, Luna’s face twisted into something hideous.

“What in the world…?” Sopan was in shock.

“Could you love her like this?” I asked calmly.

“I’m going home,” he said, getting to his feet. “Clearly, I should have been more thorough in my investigations.”

Boom! I had discovered my enemy’s one weakness. We were victorious! I still couldn’t resist asking Sopan one thing before he left.

“Tell me, what would you do if you married a beautiful woman, then she got in a terrible accident and ended up looking like this?”

Sopan scowled. “I’d dump her ass, of course.”

“So looks are the only thing that matters?”

“They’re not the only thing,” he said. “Just the most important one. If you fell in love with a kind woman, would you stay with her when she turned violent? Of course you wouldn’t, you bloody hypocrite. This is no different. Goodbye.”

And with that, he and his father swept out of the room.

What a pair of asses! I mean, wasn’t a relationship about the love and memories between two people? Even if that person’s appearance changed, you’d still love them. At least, that’s how I felt about it. Someone like Sopan would probably just laugh at me and call me naïve.

As soon as they’d left, I used Editor to destroy the Butterface skill for 300 LP. At a total of 1,300 LP, this had been one expensive date. More importantly, Luna’s face returned to its usual form. For a moment, I was impressed by how powerful these skills were—they could even alter the very fabric of reality.

“You must have used a lot of LP on that,” Luna said. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it wasn’t that much. And besides, Sopan and his father are going to repay me.”

After all, they’d told the establishment to put everything on their tab as soon as we walked in the door. They may have left, but we were still getting our meal!

“Look, Mr. Noir!” Luna said. “Shrimp!”

I smiled. “Don’t mind if I do!”

Since we weren’t paying for it, I stuffed my face with enough food for lunch and dinner. Everything was so delicious! The steamed shrimp almost fell apart in my mouth, and the sashimi was heavenly. We ate until I felt like I was about to burst. As we headed out of the restaurant, Luna stroked her belly suggestively.

“Look, Mr. Noir! You got me pregnant.”

I nudged her playfully. “Stop it.”

“Heh. Well, let me know if you ever want to make that a reality.”

We were both smiling, but Luna looked serious.

“I want you both to know how grateful I am for what you’ve just done for me,” she said. “I know that money is important, but there are other important things in life too, and I think I already have them all in spades.”

Lola and I flashed her a thumbs-up, and Luna finally cracked a smile. It truly was so good to have friends.

“Is there anything that either of you need help with?” Luna asked. “I want to pay you back for all your kindness.”

“Hmmm, I can’t really think of anything in particular,” said Lola. “Although…I have been struggling a little with my makeup recently.”

Lola was lovely even without makeup, but image was all-important for receptionists. Makeup was just another weapon in their arsenal.

“Of course!” Luna said. “What about you, Sir Noir?”

“I suppose…there is one thing,” I said at last. “I really want to save my master.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about Olivia, suffering down in that dungeon while we were stuffing our faces. If there was a lead on the fifteenth floor, then I needed to get strong enough to face it, no matter what it took. I opened my mouth to explain it to Lola and Luna, and everything came spilling out. They listened carefully.

“If there’s anything I can do, I’ll do it,” Luna said at last. “Whenever you need me, Sir Noir, just ask. But I am sure you will overcome this challenge. You always do!”

“I agree!” Lola said. “But I’ll support you from the shadows while you run headlong into danger, Mr. Noir. Don’t you worry!”

“Thank you, both. I’m going to do everything I can to save her!”

This was probably the toughest problem I’d faced yet, but I wasn’t about to give up.

I said my goodbyes to Lola and Luna and headed for the dungeon.

***

Level: 148

Current Weapons: Two-Edged Blade (Sharp Edge, Good Luck); Piercing Spear (Piercing); Shield of Champions (Durable, Fire Resistance [Grade A], Water Resistance [Grade A], Wind Resistance [Grade A]); Unnamed Mallet (Stone Crusher); Octopus Killing Harpoon (Octopus Killer [Grade S])

Skills: Great Sage; Get Creative; Bestow; Editor; LP Conversion; LP Conversion (Money); LP Conversion (Items); Stone Bullet; Holy Flame; Lightning Strike; Thunderbolt; Water Drop; Icicle; Iceball; Blinding Light; Swordsmanship (Grade C); Archery (Grade S); Exploding Arrow; Throwing (Grade B); Jumping (Grade A); Alchemy (Grade B); Discerning Eye; Discerning Eye for Items; Variable Visual Acuity; Pocket Dimension (Grade C); Dungeon Elevator; Exorcism; Excavate; Improved Lunge; Improved Side Step; Improved Back Step; Passive Defense; Magical Fusion; Deodorize; Lucky Lecher; Shoulder Rub; Night Vision; Tail; Headache Immunity; Poison Resistance (Grade A); Paralysis Immunity (Grade C); Heat Resistance (Grade A); Petrification Immunity (Grade A); Abnormal Condition Recovery (Grade C); Mental Status Effect Immunity (Grade C); Courage; Hearing Protection; Dancing; Diving; Zero Breathing

That was where I stood as I headed back to the hidden dungeon to tackle the thirteenth floor.

I took the Dungeon Elevator straight down and stepped out into the long hallway leading toward a vast, open arena. The floor was made of dirt, dry and dusty, and I really didn’t like the idea of how easily it’d get churned up in a fight. Wasn’t like I had much choice, though. I steeled myself and stepped out into the arena.

The center ring was surrounded by huge, step-like tiers of seating for the audience, stretching up toward the sky. Even more impressively, the place was completely full. The audience all looked human, but I was sure the dungeon had created them. Some of them were so far up that they just looked like dots.

In the center of the arena, there was a man dressed like some kind of host or ringmaster hyping the crowd up.

“Ladies and gentlemen, our next challenger has finally arrived. Here he is, ready to get himself annihilated!”

It was annoying, but I held my tongue. The whole crowd swelled with a roaring cheer. I could have sworn some of them were chanting, “Die! Die! Die!”

Guess there was no question about who was the away team here.

Directly opposite, another corridor led into the darkness below the arena. Maybe that’s was where I’d find the stairs down to the next level. The entrance was closed off with metal bars but, as the host started shouting again, two teams of men pulled them open.

“And now…it’s…Bernardo the Tiger!”

Almost before he’d finished speaking, a huge tiger charged out of the opening and swept across the distance between us. He lunged gracefully through the air, striking out with its claws. I used Side Step to dodge out of the way, and it was just as well that I’d upgraded the skill. This thing was fast!

I fired off a few small Stone Bullets and managed to hit the tiger in the eye with one of them. It didn’t do any real damage, but it stopped the creature for long enough that I could use Discerning Eye.

Name: Bernardo the Tiger

Level: 148

Skills: Sharp Claws; Overpowering Roar; Empowered by Death Fivefold

He was the same level as me. I decided to investigate his skills a little more.

Overpowering Roar: Freezes all creatures in a three-yard radius. Consumes a large amount of stamina.

Empowered by Death Fivefold: Greatly boosts the wielder’s power for three minutes if the user makes five kills within thirty seconds.

Both of those sounded annoying, and the tiger could roar without warning. It’d probably be best to stay out of close combat.

“Grrr!”

Eek!

Turned out, Bernardo could lunge and roar at the same time. I skipped back to safety, but the tiger was still lightning quick. I fired an Iceball at his feet to slow him down, freezing him in place. Before he could thaw out, I pulled my Enchanted Bow of Progress and some Exploding Arrows out of my Pocket Dimension and fired one off. It struck Bernardo before he could get out of the way and promptly exploded. Thanks to the Enhanced Archery skill on the bow, all the offensive abilities I used with it were augmented further. I’d obtained the bow during the Gaien incident in Honest, and it was already proving to be extremely useful.

“You just won’t die, will you?!” I shouted.

Bernardo glared at me with bloodshot eyes, but I could see a smoking wound in his body where the arrow had struck. The tiger had clearly taken some damage. This time, when I fired off an arrow, Bernardo ran away from me—jumping over the wall into the crowd and… surely he wasn’t going to…

“Yikes!”

Nope, he definitely was going to do it. Bernardo attacked members of the audience indiscriminately—roaring to freeze them in place, then biting off their heads and tearing them apart with its claws. After he’d killed five or six people, he returned to the ring.

Level: 248

Skills: Sharp Claws; Overpowering Roar; Empowered By Death Fivefold; Fire Resistance (Grade B); Water Resistance (Grade B); Thunder Resistance (Grade B); Ice Resistance (Grade B); Pain Tolerance (Grade A)

He’d gone up a hundred levels?! Worse than that, he’d gained a ton of elemental resistance skills too.

The tiger lunged at me again, and I threw the largest Stone Bullet I could manage straight at him. It struck him right in the head and the blood trickled down his muzzle, but Bernardo didn’t even flinch. That must have been that A-Grade Pain Tolerance skill. Pain was nature’s warning system, stopping creatures from putting themselves in serious danger. That skill allowed him to ignore those red flags. Really, it was more of an offensive skill than a defensive one.

I couldn’t parry his charge with a sword, so I pulled out the Shield of Champions and braced myself for impact.

“Ugh!”

My feet skidded through the dirt as I tried to hold my ground, but at least I wasn’t overwhelmed. Somehow, I managed to counterattack, pulling my trusty double-edged blade from my hip and—

“Rwaaar!”

Crap! I can’t move!

My body was stiff as a board. I was stuck like a statue with my sword raised over my head while Bernardo launched toward my defenseless body.

Move! Move quickly! Move, or you’ll die!

But I barely managed to twitch before the tiger was on me. His claws tore through my skin, but fortunately, I managed to get away before he did too much damage. As soon as I could move again, I leaped as far back as I could.

“Rwaaar!”

That was close! I barely got out of range in time. I braced myself, preparing to dodge again, but the tiger stayed where he was—panting and out of breath. He had overused that roar skill and exhausted himself.

This was my chance! I stopped making poorly thought-out attacks and used Editor to put an end to the situation.

My first priority was breaking that Empowered by Death Fivefold skill, but destroying it would cost 1,800 LP. Instead, I Edited “boosts the wielder’s power for three minutes” to “one minute.” That reduced the cost to a much more reasonable 500 LP, and I was pretty sure it had been over a minute since he killed those five people, so I went ahead with it.

Sure enough, Bernardo’s level promptly dropped back down to 148 and all his elemental resistance skills vanished. Before he could jump into the crowd again, I fired off another Exploding Arrow, aiming for the same place I’d hit him before.

Bernardo let out a low, pained howl. He tried to keep fighting, but his movements were sluggish and pained. This time, I nailed him with a normal arrow, but it was enough to finish him off. The tiger slumped down into the dirt and died, and the host’s voice rang back out through the arena.

“What a stunning upset! The challenger, as weak as he looks, has overcome the first trial! Ladies and gentlemen, please give this scrawny pipsqueak a round of applause!”

A weighty silence fell on the arena, but then, I hadn’t really expected a response. I was more worried about the other thing the host had said.

My first trial?!

***

Sure enough, my next opponent walked slowly into the arena. I thought about trying to get past them and into the corridor beyond, but in the next second, the iron gates slammed shut. I’d have to take this guy down first.

The enemy in front of me was humanoid and clad in gleaming silver armor. They were clearly much smaller than me, which seemed rather unusual. I tried to use Discerning Eye to figure out why, but their information and abilities were concealed. However, I could get a read on the morningstar they were carrying: an A-Grade weapon with the skill Shockwave. The skill did more or less what you’d expect, creating a blast of air during an attack, but that was all I could get. What’s more, their plate armor had C-Grade Physical Defense.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” shouted the host, “please welcome the Armored Knight to the right! I know you can’t wait to see him in action!”

The crowd responded with an appreciative roar, but I had more important things to worry about.

For starters, the morningstar was generally classified as a blunt striking weapon. There were a number of variations, but the one the knight carried had a large spherical head with a number of sharp spikes attached to the handle by a long chain. It wasn’t hard to imagine how it worked—namely by spinning it around on the chain and using the centrifugal force to attack.

Sure enough, the knight spun the flail about his head, and a moment later, the ball came hurtling toward me. I took off running as fast as I could, getting out of the way of the strike but not the explosion that followed as soon as the ball hit the ground. That Shockwave was really something else.

“Whoa!”

I’d managed to get clear, but the blast swept through the entire arena and knocked me off my feet. I tumbled over and over before coming to a stop and taking up a defensive posture. Unfortunately, the impact had scattered dirt into my eyes and mouth.

“Argh! Gah!”

I choked and rubbed my eyes, trying to bring everything back into focus. I couldn’t even rely on my ears because the spectators wouldn’t shut up! One thing was for sure: If I stayed in the same place, I was done for. With that in mind, I started moving, but as soon as I did—

Bam!

The head of the flail slapped into the dirt right next to me, and I was sent flying again.

“Whoaaaa!”

I know I’d always said I wanted to fly, but this really wasn’t what I meant! I hit the ground headfirst and skidded across the arena. There had to be some way to catch my breath, but if I paused for even a second, I’d be toast.

I jumped back to my feet and fired off an Icicle, but the Armored Knight skillfully deflected it with his morningstar. Next, I launched a max-size Stone Bullet at him. The three-foot rock sailed through the air but fell short of hitting him directly.

Perfect! Just as I’d planned!

It was extremely easy to kick up clouds of dust in the arena, so I used it to my advantage—by memorizing the knight’s position before he disappeared from view.

The knight didn’t say anything, but he looked flustered as the dust cloud rose up and swallowed him. As soon as he was gone, I pulled out my Piercing Spear and charged toward him, thrusting with my entire body weight toward the spot where he’d been standing.

The spear entered the dust cloud and immediately encountered something hard, but while the knight’s armor had a physical defense ability, my spear had a piercing skill. With a running start, it would get through the metal with no problem.

Fortunately, my aim was good. The knight collapsed to the floor, and I drove my spear between the joints in his armor to deliver the final blow. I had no idea what kind of monster he was exactly, but at least it was over.

“What an unexpected turn of events!” the host cried. “Who could have predicted it?! Which of you ever imagined that this mere boy could defeat the Armored Knight?!”

Honestly, I was mostly just surprised the host was safe. Things had gotten dicey down here during that last round. But that was two rounds down, which meant I only had one more to go, right?

Ugh, I’m getting tired.

Before my next trial, I walked over to the Armored Knight and retrieved his Shockwave Morningstar. Then I stowed it away and waited. Finally, my final opponent entered the arena.

He was a lizardman covered in vermillion scales who had two horns growing from his head. He kind of reminded me of a dragon, although his upper half was bare and he wore pants that cut off below the knees. Luckily, his build wasn’t so different from mine. I tried to use Discerning Eye on him but, once again, it didn’t work.

However, from appearances alone, I could tell he was quite skilled, and his weapon was…wait. That sword looked strangely familiar. I promptly used Discerning Eye to check.

It was called the Blade of Growth, and it had five skills: Sharp Edge, S-Grade Destructive Edge, S-Grade Enduring Edge, Flame Blade, and Wave Slash.

I know that sword!

“Noname, is that you?! What are you doing here?!”

But Noname didn’t respond. Strange. He had been so talkative on the twelfth floor. Maybe he’d lost his spirit? But why did a lizardman have that sword of all the possible—oh, yeah. I got it. I thought it had been strange that the dungeon gave me a weapon that could so easily increase its power. It had even handed me a bunch of easy enemies to help build it up! Turned out that the dungeon was just leveling the sword up to give to this lizardman. I probably should have been used to the sting of betrayal by now, but it still hurt.

Before I had too much time to dwell on my feelings, the lizardman lunged in for the kill—swinging Noname and unleashing a Wave Slash at me.

“I taught you that!” I complained, dodging out of the way.

The lizardman fired off one Wave Slash after another. I had to start running laps around the arena to avoid them. Was there some way I could take the weapon back? The fight would turn a lot easier if my enemy didn’t have a weapon that was effective at long range and close quarters. For the time being, I focused on dodging out of the way, hoping he would drain his stamina.

“Hissss…”

At least I was managing to annoy him. Once he realized that he couldn’t get me with Wave Slash, the lizardman stopped firing off ranged attacks and enveloped the blade in fire. I really didn’t want to get hit with the Flame Blade skill. Even if it didn’t set me on fire, the sword still had S-Grade Destructive Edge, so it wouldn’t make much difference to my life expectancy either way. Although…did the S-Grade version of that skill mean the blade was much more likely to break?

I settled on blocking with the Shield of Champions and attacking from behind with magic. The lizardman moved like he’d been training with the sword since he was a child. It was quite a while before I got an opening to counter with a Lightning Strike.

“Hssssrrrrrgg!”

Electricity shot from my fingertips and spidered over his body. While he was paralyzed, I bashed him as hard as I could with my shield, then lopped off his right hand—taking the sword with it. The lizardman staggered back, clutching at the stump of his arm. I put my shield away and picked up Noname.

“I did it! This is going to be awesome!”

But I shouldn’t have let my guard down. The lizardman whipped out with his tail, aiming straight for my heart. I barely got away in time to avoid it. I’d heard that some lizards could regrow their tails if they got cut off, but this guy was clearly a step above that—he was already regrowing his hand. Strands of goo hung from his new fingers and he leaped forward. This time however, he wasn’t aiming for me. Instead, he destroyed one of the boulders in the arena.

“Wh-what are you doing?!”

He was so strong! He probably could have killed me with his bare hands. It didn’t take me long to work out what he was up to—he needed some appropriately sized stones. When he found one that fit nicely in his hand, he flung it at me.

“Huh?”

Fwing!

The rock hurtled toward me, and I instinctively raised Noname to block. Somehow, I managed to deflect it, but only by pure chance. The lizardman’s throwing was impressive—he must have had an A- or S-Grade skill for it.

Time to pull my shield out again. The rocks weren’t anything special, so I hunkered down and started launching Wave Slashes from behind it.

“Gah?!”

The lizardman spluttered, stumbling back. The slash connected in a direct hit, slicing his body in two. I really didn’t want to watch him regrow a whole new set of legs, so I activated Flame Blade and charged forward, burning his head clean off.

Finally, I plopped down onto the ground beside him.

“Ugh, I really hope that’s the last of them.”

If a fourth enemy appeared, maybe I could try to escape. Although, if I called the Dungeon Elevator now, I’d probably just have to start all over again the next time I came down here. But the audience groaned in disappointment, and my fears proved to be unfounded.

“How awful!” cried the host. “How dastardly! This mere child has bested all of our heroes. How could this be?! Well, I don’t want him to kill me, so I’m going to open the gate.”

The path forward opened up, and the audience didn’t seem like they were about to riot either. Time to get out of here before anyone changed their mind. I shuffled toward the gate in a very unheroic manner, when suddenly the host started shouting again.

“Oh, what is this?! I have a bad feeling about this guy!”

Crackle crackle crackle…

What was it now?!

Thunder rippled through the arena, followed by black lightning. Soon, a crack opened in midair, revealing black nothingness and within it a rider on a red horse. The horse was majestic, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the rider. He had long black hair, and he would have looked human if not for his fierce red eyes. He wore no helmet, but his black armor was edged with gold. He carried a black lance, and I didn’t have to use Discerning Eye to know he had high defensive stats.

“The strong one,” the rider rasped. “Where is he…?”

I stood there in silence for a moment. I had to remind myself to look at his abilities.

Name: Black Lancer

Level: 666

Skills: Devastation Thrust; Elusive Thrust; Javelin Throw (Grade S); Total Magical Resistance (Grade B)

Are you kidding me?! I might as well just give up now!

This had to be the creature that Dory told me about. Even a cursory glance at his stats convinced me that I didn’t stand a chance.

Was he really looking for me? He had to be, right? But instead, the rider turned toward the screaming audience.

“Where is he…?”

He spurred his horse on, and it leaped easily into the crowd. Once the Black Lancer was over the wall, he started spearing everyone who tried to run.

“I don’t want to die!” cried the host. “I’m too young to die!”

The guy was out of his mind with fear, but when he turned to run, the lance flew out of the crowd and speared him straight through the head. I had to admit, that was a spectacular throw. Before I could spend too long admiring it, the Black Lancer turned his horse toward me.

“Sometimes it’s just best to hit the bricks!” I reminded myself.

Time to make a break for the exit. It was right in front of me, but the Black Lancer wasn’t far behind. He retrieved his spear from the host’s body and drew back his arm, aiming it straight at me.

I have to make it. I have to!

If I didn’t, I was dead.

I reached the gates and, sure enough, the stairs were at the end of the hall. But I could feel the lancer right behind me. Goosebumps sprang up all over my back.

“Not even the weak shall escape,” he intoned.

Moving almost by instinct, I parried the lance with the flat of Noname’s blade. A horrible screech chased me down the corridor, but I had faith in this sword. Or maybe I just had faith in the Enduring Blade skill I’d given it.

Either way, my trust was tragically misplaced. Noname crumbled on impact, and I tumbled to the ground.

The whole world spun around and around. My only thought was getting away. The stairs were right in front of me. If I ran as fast as I could, I might make it.

“I see that you are not one of the weak,” said the rider.

At least that’s what I thought I heard him say. I was so afraid that I might have imagined it. At any rate, I reached the stairs and managed to tumble down to the fourteenth floor. An impenetrable darkness flooded out from the bottom of the stairs, but I didn’t have time to investigate. If the Dark Lancer had appeared on Dory’s floor too, then he could probably appear anywhere.

I reached the checkpoint for the fourteenth floor and hurriedly summoned the Dungeon Elevator to return to the second. I still don’t want to think about what would have happened if I hadn’t.

***

“Master, please listen to me. I almost died!”

<Aren’t you always almost dying, Noir?>

“I mean, yes. But this time, it was serious! I’m sure even you would have a hard time with a Level 666 opponent!”

<Don’t be silly! The Great Olivia has bested opponents with four-figure levels!>

“You…you have?! Master, I think you might be the real monster here.”

<Really? How rude! Anyway, sounds like you did the right thing by running. The way you are right now, you probably couldn’t put up much of a fight.>

She was right. Despite how powerful Noname had become, one thrust from the lancer had destroyed him. Even the Shield of Champions probably wouldn’t have stood up against those attacks.

She was right, just like always. And this was the first time I’d run into the Black Lancer. The timing had just happened to be particularly bad.

<Although…it is said that he wanders aimlessly around the deeper floors. The further down you go…>

“St-stop it! Don’t try to scare me!”

This was no time to be joking around! It just sucked all of the tension out of the situation and…wait a second. Was that what she was trying to do? I mean, I did feel much more relaxed now. Was she trying to make me feel better?

The moment that thought entered my mind, Olivia guffawed so hard that I dismissed the idea instantly. She was just trying to mess with me, as always.

“I have to go,” I said. “But don’t worry. I’m going to find a way to get you out of here.”

This time, it was still light when I left the dungeon. But I’d been through three tough fights and I was exhausted, so I headed straight home.

That was the plan, anyway. But for some reason, I kept running into people. It wasn’t unusual to happen upon other adventurers, but today, I seemed to encounter a lot of them who wanted to know what guild I was in. That was always a dicey situation. The answer I gave could provoke wildly different reactions.

“I hear Odin’s been hard at work lately.”

“Tch.”

“Scram, scumbag!”

And so on.

There were a lot of polite people, but there were just as many who didn’t even try to hide their animosity. I’d just brushed off another curious stranger when I noticed something weird.

Out on an overlook, a woman was facing off against a group of three people—Luna. And Leila was in the group facing her. This was trouble. Like me, Luna was in Odin, but Leila was in Lahmu, our rival guild. We’d joined forces temporarily during the Phantom Thief incident, but generally speaking, relationships between our guilds were strained. As I got closer, I realized I was right to be concerned.

“This is our kill. Get outta here!”

“No. My shot hit first. You clearly fired your arrow once it was already dead.”

Wow, it had been a while since I’d seen Luna so worked up. She was normally so coolheaded. She was arguing with a man in his twenties who sported a rather unusual moustache.

“All right, guys,” I said, slipping between them. “Stay calm.”

Luna and Leila smiled at me, but it only made the mustachioed man scowl more.

“What, you know them or something? We’re trying to have a conversation here. Stop sticking your nose into other people’s business!”

I raised my hands. “I just want you to hear me out.”

There was a dead rabbit between them with two fatal wounds. From what they were saying, I gathered Luna had killed it with her magical firearm, and that when she went to retrieve the kill, this other guy hit its corpse with an arrow. Leila was doing her best to calm the mustachioed man down, but the guy who was with them kept egging him on. Things were getting out of control.

“That’s Luna’s kill,” said Leila. “We were too late.”

“What?! Whose side are you on exactly?”

“I’m just looking at the situation objectively.”

“Screw objective!” he said. “You’re Lahmu, aren’t you? What’s ‘objective’ about siding with Odin? You’re out of line!”

Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s you who’s out of line…

To be fair, Luna seemed worked up too. At this rate, the argument would turn into a brawl. I really didn’t want to get dragged into something like that.

“Luna, I’ll find you another one,” I said. “Will you let them have it?”

“But…”

“Please?” said Leila. “As a favor? I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

“F-fine.”

With both Leila and I looking at her imploringly, Luna gave up the rabbit. The mustachioed man tore it from her hands and spit on the ground as he walked away. What an attitude.

Leila bowed her head in gratitude. “I’m sorry, Luna. I probably should have stood up to him, but Lahmu has done so much for me. I owe the guild.”

The guild was the only reason she could pay for her and her brother’s living expenses, but she didn’t seem very comfortable there.

Luna must have noticed it too. “You know,” she said, “you could always leave. I’m sure Odin would be happy to have you.”

The mustachioed man spun around. “I heard that! You’d better remember, Leila: defecting to a rival guild means war.”

Leila sighed. “I know.”

“And we don’t look too kindly on people who bite the hand that feeds them!” he shouted, still walking away. “Come on. I never want to see you with these guys again.”

The absolute nerve of this guy!

“A lot of Lahmu’s members have short tempers,” Leila said, seeing my annoyance. “But they’re not bad people. Please, try to be understanding. And I am sorry about the rabbit, Luna. I promise I’ll pay you back.”

She bowed again in apology, then rushed to catch up with her guildmates.

When we were alone, Luna sighed.

“I only wanted the rabbit to feed the local children,” she said.

“Come on. I’ll help you find another one.”

“Thank you…wait! You’re wounded!”

I looked down at my chest. “Yeah. I had a run-in with a tiger in the dungeon. Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice! Come here. Now, then. Healing Shot!” She fired her signature healing magic at the wound on my chest, and it closed in a breath.

“Thanks, Luna.”

It really was helpful to have a healer around. Maybe I should try to learn a skill like that?

Half an hour later, we’d collected several rabbits and were on our way back into town.