Chapter 4: The Monkey and the Present

Chapter 4:
The Monkey and the Present

 

THE NEXT MORNING, I GOT UP, did my daily sword practice, ate breakfast, and headed out. I was planning to talk to the real estate agent whom Emma had introduced me to. This time, I brought Olivia along as well. Mr. Domado was already waiting in front of the estate we hoped to buy.

“Good morning. This is Olivia, the one who was interested in purchasing this place.”

“Wonderful to make your acquaintance,” said Mr. Domado. “Thank you for employing my services.”

“No problemo, little man, no problemo.” Olivia was being her usual flippant self.

Mr. Domado was a little taken aback. All I could really say was, well, you had to get used to her.

We looked around the house’s many rooms, including its huge living room. There were some minor details that Olivia seemed concerned about, and she pointed them out as we went along. Mr. Domado, diligent agent that he was, took notes. Her changes would cost extra, but Olivia had three hundred million at her disposal, so money wasn’t exactly a problem.

“Master, have you decided on this house?”

“Sure. It’s big, and it fits my tastes.”

I was glad things had gone so smoothly. Apparently, we just had to put down a small deposit and pay the rest when they handed over the property. The previous owner had left the furniture, so it could be cleaned up and reused. It wouldn’t be long before Olivia could move in.

Before we went, I told Mr. Domado about Mira. He seemed happy to earn another potential customer and asked me to introduce them as soon as possible.

As we left the house, Olivia raised her hands over her head and stretched.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “You’ll only have to live with me a little longer.”

“I guess I have a deadline to steal your virtue then.”

“I’m not sure you should be saying that to me,” I said. “Or in the middle of the street, attracting a bunch of attention. So I’m going to pretend I don’t know you. Bye!”

I ran away as fast as I could and hurried to where I’d planned to meet Luna. On my way, I ran into Emma.

“Noir, what are you up to?”

“I was just helping Olivia close on a house.”

“Where is she then?”

“Back at the new place. You should go talk to her. I’ve gotta get going.”

After all, I had already asked Olivia about training Emma.

I headed to the weapons shop to meet Luna and figured I’d do a little shopping first. Luna wasn’t there yet, so I headed inside—ignoring the splendid items on display and heading straight for the various cheap swords in the discount pile. I could discern how much LP they’d be worth by touching them. Most were between 10 and 100 LP. Not very much on their own, but if I bought ten, that could net me anything from a few hundred to a thousand LP—and for almost no effort. It was nothing to sneeze at. That said, money wasn’t exactly an infinite resource, so I selected the ones that would give me the most bang for my literal buck. When I brought them to the checkout, the shopkeep seemed puzzled.

“Kid, what are you gonna do with all these?”

“I practice a ton, so my blades get dull really quick.”

“Ooh, now that’s what I’m talking about! Since you’re such a hard worker, I’ll throw this one in as a bonus.”

He gave me a slender sword for free. This wasn’t a very common occurrence in weapons shops, and it was worth 80 LP to boot, so I was extra grateful.

While I waited for Luna, I converted the weapons I’d just bought. They earned me 880 LP in total. Not half bad. Soon after that, Luna arrived.

“Wow, you’re early. We weren’t supposed to meet for another ten minutes.”

“I thought I’d buy some weapons. I already converted them to LP.”

“You sure are working hard, and on a weekend too. You’re making me look bad.”

“I’m just trying to better myself. And you know I can’t compete with you, Luna. You’re a cleric. Your work actually helps other people.”

“Oh, now you’re embarrassing me. W-well, should we get going?”

We were heading to see Baron Trower. Schuren Trower was a forty-five-year-old bachelor. He wasn’t divorced, he’d just never married. It was unusual, to say the least. Most noble men got married by their late twenties, and surely there were plenty of candidates. He was a baron, after all. He had a maid, but his life was kind of a mess, and his health often suffered as a result. That was how Luna knew him.

“He collects enchanted items as a hobby. I asked him how he acquired them, and he mentioned he had an item that helped. He has an extra one too.”

“Wow, that’s incredible…”

If he had two, it was possible I’d be able to convince him to give me one of them.

The baron’s estate was smaller than I expected. The yard was much fancier than that of a regular person’s home, but it was unimpressive for a noble. Mind you, it was still nicer than my family’s yard. There was an older man mowing the lawn when we arrived. He spotted us and took us to the front door, where a maid took us to Schuren’s room.

“Lord Schuren, Ms. Luna is here to see you.”

“See her in, Mirenka.”

Schuren was a tall man with sharp eyes. He was much more handsome than I’d expected, but on closer inspection, he had dark circles under his eyes. Judging from the pile of books on his desk, he must’ve pulled an all-nighter.

“I see you’ve not slept again,” said Luna. “No amount of Healing Shots can help you with that, you know.”

“Ah ha ha… Don’t look at me like that. I appreciate all you’ve done for me. Is this your friend?”

“Yes, it is indeed.”

I bowed my head and introduced myself.

“The Stardia boy! You’re the one who saved the duke’s daughter, aren’t you?”

“I did help lift the curse, with the help of Luna and my other friends.”

“Incredible. I was looking for an enchanted item to lift the curse, but even the rarest of them was not powerful enough to break it.” The baron’s face was tinged with frustration for a moment, but he immediately cheered up. “I’m overjoyed to meet a real hero! You wanted to know about enchanted items? I’ll tell you whatever you’d like.”

Schuren seemed to be in a good mood. It put me at ease. I got straight to the point and told him that I was looking for something with Enchanted Item Perception, and that I was willing to pay a great sum. I also noted that, if he wasn’t willing to sell, I would appreciate it if he told me how to find one myself.

“Why do you want to collect enchanted items?” he asked.

“For dungeon exploration,” I said. “And to make myself stronger.”

“So you’re mostly concerned with utility. Excellent! I’m more of a collector myself. I generally obtain items from other kingdoms, or by visiting other continents.”

That was bad news for me. I didn’t have time to cross the ocean. If that was my only option, it would be easier to eat the cost of making the skill myself.

“That said,” Schuren went on, “since you saved the duke’s daughter, I feel obligated to help you. I can sell you one of my items for a reasonable price—”

“Are you sure?!”

He flashed me a toothy grin. “Under one condition.”

Schuren’s parents were visiting in five days, and apparently, they were pestering him about not having married yet. They wanted grandchildren, and he wanted us to help shut them up.

“And by ‘shut them up,’ I mean with force. They promised that if I could beat them in a fight, even with enchanted items, they would stop pestering.”

“How old are your parents?”

“They’re both sixty-five this year, but don’t let that fool you. They’re both incredibly strong. I can hire whoever I like to face them, since they would also consider that an expression of my abilities.”

Based on what he told us, his parents seemed surprisingly open-minded. Schuren’s shoulders drooped. Apparently, he had hired ten people so far, and all of them had failed miserably. His parents still regularly hunted monsters, so they were extremely powerful.

“I might be their flesh and blood, but I have no particular gift for combat. Perhaps it’s that insecurity that makes me so interested in enchanted items…”

“I don’t think you have anything to be insecure about,” Luna said. “You’re trying to make up for your shortcomings in other ways. I would never look down on someone for that.”

“You really are incredible,” said Schuren. “On the topic of the fight, how do you both feel about taking them on, two against two?”

From the sounds of it, a one-on-one victory would also count, but I wanted to beat them both. Schuren seemed to feel the same way. I didn’t have an issue with it, so I turned to Luna.

“Sounds good to me,” she said. “I’d be happy to help.”

“I appreciate it, Luna,” I told her.

“I mean, one of my party members is in need. How could I not offer up my gun? Plus, I’m kind of curious about his parents.”

They had to be incredible to be tearing up monsters at sixty-five.

“I’ll tell them,” said Schuren. “If you can’t beat them, I think I’ll have to give up and get married.”

The fight would take place in five days, in the yard before his house.

“Why do you think Mr. Schuren doesn’t want to get married?” I asked Luna as we left.

“He probably just wants to keep collecting, but I think he gets lonely sometimes.”

I couldn’t help thinking that getting married might make his life more stable. As we headed out, Schuren’s maid came out running after us. Her name was Mirenka, if I recalled correctly.

“Excuse me, Lord Schuren forgot to tell you something. Do you have a moment?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“He said that his father wears heavy armor, so light attacks won’t work.”

“Got it. Thanks for letting us know.”

Mirenka bowed and ran back inside. She was around thirty, and she seemed like a very loyal woman. She also looked good in a maid uniform and was surely skilled at her job.

“Hang on a second,” Luna called after her. “You wouldn’t happen to know if Mr. Schuren is in love with someone, would you? I’m curious.” Luna held out a coin. Honestly, I was a little shocked to see her try that.

“I apologize,” said Mirenka. “But I cannot accept. I can’t tell you anything unless Lord Schuren permits it.”

“I got it. Thought as much. Sorry for asking such a rude question.”

“Oh, no, don’t apologize. I’m the one who’s been rude, and to a cleric like yourself. If you’ll excuse me.”

Mirenka ran off, and I asked Luna why she’d offered to pay for that information.

“I was just worried that his servants might sell him out. It was awful of me to test her like that.”

It was probably a relief to find out Mirekna wouldn’t sell out her master . Perhaps Schuren just had a keen eye for the people.

After that, we decided to pick up a request from the guild. That way, we could earn a little money and get some practice for our upcoming tag-team battle. Odin’s guild hall was as bustling as ever. We seemed to be winning the fight for new recruits. I was glad that people were picking us over Lahmu, Efreet, Shiva, and the others. When we greeted Lola, she was all smiles as usual.

“Looks like you’re swimming in new recruits.”

“I sure am,” she said. “But the real test isn’t until next month. That’s when the people from the country come to town. It happens every year. Right now, the other guilds aren’t really giving it their all.”

It wouldn’t be long before the height of the guild scouting battle arrived. After all, the guilds prospered on the backs of their best adventurers. And the best way to get quality adventurers was to woo promising youngsters.

We asked Lola if she had any suitable requests for us, and she told us that hand monkeys, a kind of monster, were running rampant in the forest. There was a request for one of their corpses.

“Hand monkeys come from another land,” Lola explained. “So we don’t know much about their biology. I’m sure you can manage to collect one of them for science, Mr. Noir.”

“The pay is good too,” I said. “I’ll do it.”

“Be careful, okay? We already had some adventurers withdraw from this request. Also, once you complete it, the guild has something to discuss with you.”

“It does?”

I was confused. Lola brought a finger to her mouth.

“And I have something to discuss with you,” she whispered. “I hope you’re excited~!”

She enunciated each syllable slowly and lasciviously with her plump lips. I felt my cheeks flush, but I kept my cool.

At Luna’s suggestion, we stopped by a secondhand shop to look for anything that was strong against monkey-type enemies. When we asked the owner, she took a ball down from the shelf.

“A ball of spider silkworm cocoon is good against them. It’s very sticky.”

Normal silkworms produced silk, but spider silkworm silk was sticky and very hard to use. That was where they got the “spider” part of their name. But their silk was useful for items like this one. It didn’t have any skills, but it was exceptionally sticky, so getting hit by it was extremely unpleasant. But an “unpleasant” effect alone wasn’t worth that much in a fight.

“Monkeys move between trees,” the owner explained. “So if you were to apply this to the branches, then…”

Oh, I get it. The monkey would get stuck as it moved. The silk might even make it lose its balance and fall. As long as we didn’t let the monster get away, we’d have it beat.

“But that seems kind of difficult,” I said. “How will we know which tree to use it on?”

“I guess we could just buy out the store’s stock and try out different options,” Luna suggested.

The store had twenty balls for three thousand rels each. The reward for completing the request was three hundred thousand rels, so after consulting with Luna, I decided to buy them all.

“Really? Thank goodness! These were never going to move. I’ll give you a discount.”

The shopkeep dropped the price to two thousand rels each. Even if we couldn’t use all the balls against the monkeys, I was sure we’d find other uses for them.

I took a moment to investigate the silk balls. They had a sand-filled bag at their core, around which the silk threads were wrapped tightly. If they had been made of silk alone, they wouldn’t have been heavy enough to throw.

“Can I let you handle those, Sir Noir?”

“You got it. You’ve got your gun to worry about anyway.”

Our preparations complete, we headed to the forest.

 

***

 

Emma set out at a brisk pace to find Olivia, as Noir had suggested. Olivia’s bombshell figure and light blue hair were extremely unusual, so she wasn’t hard to spot.

“Ms. Oliviaaa, I’ve been looking for you.”

“Oh, it’s you… Who are you again?”

Emma almost fell over. Olivia didn’t even sound like she was joking. That made her question sting that much more.

“I’m Emma, Noir’s best friend!”

“Oh, right, right… So why are you here? If you want Noir all to yourself, you’re gonna have to go through me first.”

As much as Emma wanted to say that she’d known Noir much longer, she ignored the comment and got down to business, asking Olivia to train her. But Olivia turned her down immediately.

Emma was shocked at the snappy rejection, but she persisted—asserting that she wanted to get stronger, no matter what it took. After that, Olivia’s attitude softened.

“Why do you want to get stronger?”

“Because Noir’s grown so much, and I want to keep up. I want to beat him in the King of the School Year Competition.”

“I’m not sure that’ll earn you any points in his book.”

Emma groaned a little, but she had a plan—when she won, she would give Noir the prize. Olivia was about to argue that it would wound his pride as a man, but she found the idea amusing. On a whim, she agreed to give Emma special lessons.

“Noir’s growing by the day,” Olivia said. “And you’ll never be able to win a normal fight, honey. Ah ha ha ha ha!”

“I-Is that funny?”

Emma wasn’t really sure how to react. Olivia saw how flustered she was and grew more serious, explaining her strategy.

“You’ve gotta use that body of yours. I mean, your chest is massive, I’m sure it’ll work.”

Emma wasn’t especially keen about using sex appeal, but Olivia just called her second-rate for being so particular. So much for being willing to “do anything” to win!

Olivia explained that a fighter should never use a specific tactic unless they knew, for certain, that they could win with it. She argued that, amongst animals, insects, and even monsters, no creature had one set strategy. “The strong are victorious and the victorious are strong. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Emma took the hint. “Fine, I’ll do it. But how should I approach it, Ms. Olivia?”

“Ah ha! Now that’s the spirit!”

Olivia jumped on Emma’s change of heart and began instructing her on how to use womanly wiles in combat. She started by explaining how to make her ample chest bounce more as she moved, and the importance of wearing clothes that emphasized her cleavage. Olivia also recommended deliberately ripping her skirt so it seemed like her opponent might get a look at any moment.

Emma was decidedly unenthused about these stupid-sounding tactics.

“I’m telling you, it’s effective,” said Olivia. “You just gotta give your opponent the impression that they’re gonna get a look, but not actually let them see. People get super distracted by that sort of thing. Plus, when a young man gets…excited he’ll be desperate to hide the tent in his pants.”

Olivia chuckled heartily. Men got so embarrassed when others could tell they were turned on and would pull back to conceal it. That greatly reduced their combat ability. Olivia’s strategy was to force that situation. Emma didn’t fully understand, but Olivia was convincing.

“Emma, honey, you already use two daggers, so it’s totally perfect! You can push your boobs together while you fight!”

“Is that really going to work?”

“Totally. Your body is your weapon. Honestly, I’m a little jealous.”

“But, Ms. Olivia, you’re quite—”

“It’s not the same. This is all thanks to skills.”

Olivia stared off into the distance as she explained. Her mother, Meluna, had possessed a stunning figure, and Olivia had always believed that, someday, she would look like her. But by fourteen or fifteen, she still hadn’t developed at all. Sure, she’d grown taller, but her breasts hadn’t filled in. She’d thought it was odd and ultimately discovered that her mother had altered her body with the Big Breasts skill. When Olivia confronted her about this, Meluna replied proudly, “I have the power to change my genes and my destiny! Ah ha ha ha ha!”

Olivia had followed in her mother’s footsteps and did the same thing.

Emma was curious about the skills involved. “Does that mean your mother could use Get Creative and Editor too?”

“Exactly. She was extremely strong. People would cower in fear at the mere mention of her name.”

“Hang on, Meluna Servant…”

Emma remembered the name from world history lessons. Meluna and her sister had defeated an evil organization that was trying to take over the world. It had already taken root everywhere and it had been a hair’s breadth away from total domination when the sisters defeated it. If they hadn’t been around, the world might have turned out quite different. It was a big deal.

“I wonder if Mom’s still alive,” said Olivia. “Maybe she got tired and stopped prolonging her life. If she is still around, I’d like her to meet Noir.”

Olivia explained that Meluna had gathered far more LP than Olivia ever had. She was human, so she should by all rights have been dead by now, but with that much LP, there was no limit to how long she could extend her life.

“Is your mother as…uninhibited as you, Ms. Olivia?”

“I think Mom would consider me the more serious one.”

That settled it. Emma never wanted Noir to meet that woman.

 

***

 

We headed to one of the smaller forests near town. Even if we just walked around, our chances of encountering one of these monkeys was high.

“Sir Noir, I have something to show you.”

Right after we arrived in the forest, Luna pulled her gun out of its holster, pointed it at a nearby boulder, and bang! It sounded much heavier than her usual Energy Shot. The shot was bigger too. And slower. The moment it hit the boulder, the rock went flying up and shattered everywhere. I was in awe.

“It’s a new skill I learned—Impact Shot. It hits with a lot of force.”

“That’s so cool! I bet you could take down any monster around here in one hit.”

“Everyone else has been getting so much stronger,” said Luna. “I didn’t want to get left behind. I want to learn a higher-level Healing Shot next.”

Emma was doing the same thing. All the women in my life were such hard workers. And having a healer around was really valuable. I was glad to have her along.

“It’s not a new skill, but I came up with an idea,”

I took out one of the silk balls. We needed them to be sticky, but they were so sticky that they were difficult to use. If nothing else, they wouldn’t leave your hand very easily. Wearing gloves only made it worse. To throw one, you had to minimize contact and only touch them with your fingertips. Of course, that greatly reduced your accuracy. I tried throwing one at a tree, but it wouldn’t leave my hand.

“I get why these weren’t selling.”

“They’re just too sticky,” Luna agreed. “How can we even use these…?”

“I just have to change myself and we’ll be good.”

My solution was to make a Stickiness Resistance skill. C-Grade would cost 400 LP, B-Grade 600, A-Grade 1,000, and S-Grade 1,500. It seemed like it could come in handy against spider monsters and the like, so I bought the S-Grade version. Immediately, the silk balls got easier to use. They were hardly sticky at all.

Fwip! Splat!

Now I could throw them with ease. I could even make use of my B-Grade Throwing skill again.

“Wow, that was great!” said Luna. “How did you manage it?”

“I gave myself S-Grade Stickiness Resistance. Now they’re just like normal balls.”

“Heh, you always figure something out, Sir Noir. We’ll be more than able to accomplish the request now.”

We just had to find the monkeys. We searched the forest, keeping our eyes peeled for surprise attacks. After about ten minutes, we discovered the corpses of several wild beasts. It looked like the corpses had been moved under trees and concealed with leaves. The monkeys were probably saving them for later. Monkeys were smart, and becoming monsters had only made them smarter.

Luna investigated the soft ground. “Footprints. A lot of them too. They look like monkey tracks.”

“Seems like a group of them. I’ll ask the Great Sage where they are.”

<231 yards to the north.>

My head didn’t hurt yet, so I asked how many there were.

<Twelve.>

More than I was expecting. Luna’s expression darkened when I told her. If these were just goblins, it wouldn’t have been an issue. But a highly intelligent and unfamiliar enemy could be dangerous in large numbers.

“I’d really prefer to take just one body back.”

“Yeah, not having to take them all out would be ideal. I guess it’ll depend on the situation.”

We decided to set up an ambush. Staying low, we crept through the forest, careful not to step on any fallen branches. When we finally reached our targets, we concealed ourselves behind some trees.

We’d found them. The hand monkeys were in the middle of a meal. Some of them were gathered around the corpse of an animal, and some were eating fruit. Their arms were abnormally long—long enough to touch the ground when they stood up. They were about as tall as we were, with long fur and stocky physiques, kind of like orangutans. The main difference was their golden fur and red eyes. And their levels were all over the place—the highest was Level 80, and the lowest Level 20. They had skills like Agility, Tree Climbing, Throwing, Grip Strength, and Superhuman Strength, and they seemed skilled at close and mid-range combat. Pretty tough opponents.

“There are some differences between the individuals here, but they’re all strong.” I said. “Taking on twelve at once will be rough.”

“I guess our best choice will be to take out one and run, huh?” Luna said. “Maybe we should target that one over there?”

It had finished eating and was moving between the trees with its long arms. It looked like it was playing. It was only Level 32 and had mediocre skills.

We had a plan. It was time to put it into action. I aimed for the monkey, waited until it was moving between branches, and threw one of the silk balls.

“Eek?!”

The ball burst, gluing the monkey’s fingers to the branch. That felt amazing! The hand monkey started to panic, but the silk wouldn’t let go. I leapt from the shrub I was hiding in.

Pew! Pew!

I heard two gunshots behind me. The first one grazed the creature’s wrist, and the second ripped through its remaining flesh. The monkey fell from the branch, leaving its hand stuck behind.

“H-humans!”

Its comrades had noticed me. They could talk?! I ignored them, dashing toward the disabled hand monkey and thrusting my sword through its head. It flailed around a bit and died, and I quickly put its body in my Pocket Dimension. When I turned around—

“You’ve gotta be kidding me…”

I was surrounded. These things were fast. They were on the ground and in the trees around me, glaring.

“Kill them and eat them!”

“Eat them!”

“Die!”

A long arm swept for me. I ducked to dodge it.

“Gah?!”

The arm missed, but I felt something hit my shoulder. The ones in the trees were throwing fruit or nuts or something. I put up a Stone Wall, creating an obstacle between us. Of course, it was only a temporary solution, but almost right away, one of the monkeys on the ground went flying. Others soon followed it. The sound of heavy gunshots confirmed that Luna was backing me up.

“Run, Sir Noir! I’ll cover you.”

“Thanks a million.”

I sprinted toward her. The hand monkeys gave chase with murder in their eyes, but Luna’s magical firearm kept them at bay. Somehow, I reached her, and the two of us made our escape. As we ran, I turned around now and then to fire off a Stone Bullet. I didn’t land many, but the barrage slowed down their advance.

“Never…let you get away…”

“Revenge! Revenge!”

They sure were persistent. It was difficult to shake the monkeys, but they didn’t follow once we’d left the forest. Seemed they weren’t about to pick a fight outside their home turf. They were smart, and that made them scary.

“Haah, haah, they really didn’t want to give up…”

“They’ll probably remember us.”

It seemed likely, especially considering they could speak. It would probably be better to avoid the forest for a while.

“Were you injured earlier?” Luna asked.

“My shoulder just took a little hit.”

“Healing Shot!”

The pain receded and a pleasant feeling spread through my body. Luna’s Healing Shot really was powerful. I thanked her, and we returned to the guild, where we handed over the monkey corpse and explained what had happened to Lola.

“Was it strong?”

The other adventurers were curious. We figured it would be good to share what we’d learned. I explained our tactics and the skills we’d used against the monkeys. Since we’d drawn a decent crowd, I warned the lower-rank adventurers not to try it.

I was surprised to find that the compensation for the request was much more than I’d expected.

“Huh? You gave me 360,000 rels.”

“It’s a bonus from the guild for providing valuable information to our adventurers.”

I was grateful and gave Luna her 50 percent share.

“And the guild has one more thing for you,” said Lola.

Was this the thing she’d hinted at before?

“You’re currently a B-Rank adventurer,” she said. “To advance to A-Rank, you need to pass a special test.”

The adventuring system varied from kingdom to kingdom. Here, guilds could assign ranks up to B on their own terms, but anything above that required recognition from the government. They administered a test, and if you passed, you’d move up. The test was held only once every few months, and each guild put forward candidates from its pool of B-Rank adventurers.

“Odin would be happy to endorse you for the exam, if you’re interested. Of course, you’re more than welcome to refuse.”

Apparently, the test was happening soon.

“This is a real opportunity,” I said. “I’d be happy to take it.”

“I thought you would! I’d be happy to help you with the paperwork, Mr. Noir!”

Lola pulled out an application for me to sign and said she’d let me know when the schedule was settled.

“And I have something a little more personal for you. Please accept this.” She pulled a small bundle from under the counter and handed it to me.

“It’s soft. What is it?”

“Pajamas. A present from your managing receptionist to one of her hardest working adventurers.”

“Thank you. I’ll be sure to wear them.”

“Heh heh, there’s a secret present in there too!”

Lola punctuated the comment with a wink. Luna looked a little annoyed.

“You can give Sir Noir all the presents you like, but I’ve been working hard too, you know.”

“Oh, uh, I have something for you too, Luna.”

“Really?”

Lola was definitely lying. Her eyes moved around frantically, looking for something she could give Luna.

“H-here, it’s the pen I always use…”

“That’s not a present!”

“You caught me…”

Luna was visibly angry, but Lola and I worked together to make her feel better. It didn’t take long to snap her out of it.

That evening, still in my underwear after a bath, I sat down to open Lola’s present. It was an expensive-looking pajama set with a letter on top. I started with the letter.

Dear Mr. Noir,

Thank you for always completing your requests. Because of your hard work, I’m probably going to take the top spot this month too. I know this isn’t much, but please accept this gift as a token of my gratitude. I hope you’ll wear them.

For my dearest adventurer.

P.S. Keep the thing underneath the pajamas a secret, okay? I’m told that, in another land, it’s customary to give gentlemen something you’ve worn. (So embarrassing!)

“I wonder what it is.”

I lifted the pajamas up and couldn’t believe what I saw.

“P-p-panties…”

As confused as I was about the women’s undergarment, I found myself reaching to pick them up. They were light purple and pretty sexy. Going by what Lola had said in the letter… Had she worn these, at least once? I flushed, and at that precise moment, my door opened.

“Brother dearest, I was thinking, it’s been ages since you rested your head on my la—”

I wondered what was going through my little sister’s head when she saw me holding up a pair of women’s undergarments, inspecting them. For a moment, her expression blanked.

“Are those…mine?” she asked in a chilling voice.

“O-of course not! Not a chance!”

“What is wrong with you?!” she snapped. “Throw those away this instant!”

Why are you mad at me?!

“Noir, my boy, Olivia called my beard lame—wait, what’s going on?”

My father was already running his mouth when he saw what was going on. And to make matters worse, Olivia was there too.

“Noir, your dad’s facial hair looks like—oooh, are those mine?”

“They are not!”

“You don’t have to hide it~! Don’t worry, all boys your age get curious. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!”

First off, how could she not even recognize her own underwear?

To make matters even worse Tigerson appeared, turning the situation into total chaos. He couldn’t actually fit into my room, so he just looked in through the door.

<Noir, Olivia insists that I change my name to Lionson.>

“W-well, she does kind of have a point, but I think Tigerson is fine.”

<Also, those undergarments are a bit small for your frame, Noir.>

Tigerson’s misinterpretation cut the deepest…