Chapter 17: Things Not to Do During Class
Chapter 17:
Things Not to Do During Class
THE S-CLASS HOMEROOM TEACHER, Ms. Elena, was a pretty astute person. On one hand, she’d claimed she couldn’t judge her own strength, all the while precisely judging her students’ abilities. After my turn, she went through each student and practiced their back-steps, carefully matching her strength to theirs. Just as she had with me, she motivated the other boys by offering a reward but, in the end, I was the only one that got a hit off on her. Once everyone was done practicing, she commanded me to lay on the ground.
“You mean right here?”
“Yes, now hurry up.”
I lay in the sand on my back and, without missing beat, Ms. Elena sat down on my stomach.
“I’m a woman of my word, after all,” she said.
The boys all oohed and aahed with jealousy. Honestly, I didn’t really get it. I personally found it more uncomfortable than anything.
“As a mercenary, you have to abide by your client’s requests. The majority of the men I worked for praised my behind, but few were foolish enough to try to touch it. I made sure that those who lacked the presence of mind to control themselves immediately regretted it.”
She lifted her shapely backside up and set it down again.
“Ah hngh haa…”
I made pained sounds as she tortured my abs. When she was done, she moved up to my chest. Was this some kind of niche fetish I’d never heard of?!
“So, how are you feeling now, Noir?”
“Uh, it’s hard to breathe?”
“Well, romance between teachers and students isn’t explicitly forbidden, but you’re too low a level for me to fall for you.”
“I’m not having a hard time…breathing…because I’m in love with you. It’s just the weight of your—”
“Silence.”
She shifted to sit directly on my face. I couldn’t breathe at all, but it was only for a second so I didn’t asphyxiate.
After our “training” session was over, she released me. I was still pretty confused by what had just happened—not in a bad kind of way, mind you. Thanking her somehow seemed like the right thing. I even got 400 LP out of it. As I returned to my classmates, several of the boys peppered me with questions.
“What did her butt smell like?”
“I didn’t really have time to think about it…?”
“Was it soft?”
“Uh, kind of, I guess?”
“Maaan! I wanna do that!”
“Shut your mouths.” Ms. Elena glared at the boys and raked her fingers through her hair. “Anyway, as you can see, I take a more physical approach to teaching, so make sure you keep up. Next, form teams of two.”
At first, it seemed it didn’t matter who we teamed up with. Of course, Emma ran over to me, looking happy. “Let’s team up!”
“Good idea.”
But Ms. Elena shook her head. “Nope. Noir, Emma, you two can’t team up.” When Emma asked why, she responded: “You two are an item, right? We can’t be encouraging that sort of thing here.”
“Uh, Emma and I aren’t dating.”
“Is that true, Emma?”
“Yes, we aren’t dating yet, ma’am.”
“I see. Well, even if you’re not romantically entangled, you’re long-term friends. Either way, you can’t be a team. You two girls, come here.”
She called over a pair of elegant girls. One of them was Maria, the duke’s daughter, and the other was a pretty girl with her black hair tied up in a ponytail. She was tall and graceful with piercing eyes.
“You two can’t be a team either,” said Ms. Elena. “You’re one of Maria’s attendants, aren’t you?”
“I am. What of it?”
“Don’t you glare at me. You’re with Emma. Maria, you’re with Noir.”
The girl with the ponytail looked profoundly dissatisfied. She seemed extremely powerful too. Not as impressive as Ms. Elena, but still strong. And she seemed to have the mental fortitude to go with it.
“I will be quite all right, Amane. Please, team up with Miss Emma.” Maria flashed an angelic smile.
Amane sighed before turning to me. “Mr. Stardia, I require thirty seconds of your time.”
“Uh, okay.”
Ms. Elena nodded her approval, and I followed Amane. She took me out of earshot of the rest of the class before she spoke. “Maria is ill, so please don’t make her exert herself too much.”
My initial instinct was to bring up the curse, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like Amane would only ask how I knew—and that might get rough. So, I held my tongue. “Got it. I’ll be careful.”
“I appreciate it.”
I stopped her as she was about to return to the class. I couldn’t help myself. There was something I was curious about. Amane just looked at me, glacially impassive as ever.
“Lady Amane, you’re the daughter of a marquess, right? Why do you wait on Lady Maria?”
“For much the same reason you spend so much time with Miss Brightness.”
“So…you’ve been friends since you were kids?”
“Precisely.”
“Um, I’m not sure if this is appropriate, but how long has Lady Maria been ill?”
“Since she was born. We really ought to get going.” It seemed like she really didn’t want to get into it. Fair enough.
Once we were back with the others, we got straight to practice. This time, we wouldn’t be using weapons.
“In hand-to-hand combat, you might end up in situations where your enemy will try to throw you. So next we’ll be learning how to defend against that. Noir, stand here.”
“Do you have a crush on me or something, Ms. Elena?”
“Don’t make me laugh. Now get over here.”
I shrank, fearing I was in for another round of abject agony, but I needn’t have worried—I was the one doing the throwing.
“I want you to use a shoulder throw. Pull me onto your shoulder and flip me.”
I started by grabbing one of Ms. Elena’s arms and then tried to get a grip on her shirt, but my hand ended up right on her chest. Erk.
“What are you hesitating for?”
“Oh, uh, I’m not sure how I should say this, but…”
“What? Worried about your fingers touching my chest? What are you, some blushing bride?!”
“U-understood, ma’am!”
I got a firm grip on her chest and pulled her toward me. Then I twisted my body to get her onto my back and threw her to the ground.
Or at least that was the idea, but I didn’t want to hurt her, so I didn’t actually let go. She tucked her chin so she wouldn’t hit her head and used her hands to soften her landing. Then she popped right back up.
“This is how you take a throw properly. You can get the wind knocked out of you when your back hits the ground, but it’s better than the alternative. It’s also worth noting that he softened his throw just now. In a real combat situation, you’ll just be tossed onto the ground and get your face stomped on.”
“That sounds a little excessive…” I muttered.
“Generally, the idea is to not get thrown in the first place of course. Now, Noir and Maria, you try it.”
She wanted to use us as another example.
“Very well. Mr. Noir,” said Maria. “Please go ahead and throw me then.”
I winced. “I think you should do the throwing.”
“Oh, but I must insist.”
“No, I mean, I’m a man, so—”
“What are you two yammering on about? Just throw Noir already.” Ms. Elena was getting irritated by our dithering.
I felt suddenly shy as I stood in front of Maria, what with her porcelain skin, pink lips, and perfectly proportioned body. Tentatively, she reached for me with one pale hand and meekly gripped my chest.
“Lady Amane told me that you’re ill,” I whispered. “Are you—”
“Oh, no, nothing of the sort. I simply have not had much occasion to touch men, so I’m rather n-nervous.”
“You two…” Ms. Elena was glaring openly. “Could you two knock it off already? This old lady’s had about as much of it as she can take.”
“I’m very sorry, Ms. Old Lady,” I called back.
“Noir…if you screw this up, I’m making you run ten laps around the yard at a full sprint.”
Me and my mouth. “Hey, you’re the one who called yourself an old lady, I was just—”
“No excuses.”
“Fine,” I said. “Just give me twenty seconds.”
“Very well.”
I just needed to figure out what skill to use to take the hit…
Passive Defense — 30 LP
It was shockingly cheap too, probably because it was such a basic skill. Or maybe I just had a particular talent for taking hits to begin with? I guess I had spent most of my life getting kicked while I was down. Ignoring the deep existential questions about the troubling course of my life thus far, I acquired the skill.
“I shall proceed,” said Maria.
“Be my guest.”
I suddenly felt my body lift off the ground. Regardless of any curses or boy-oriented timidity, Maria was extremely skilled at the technique. She threw me with ease. My hands smacked against the ground and I let myself down safely. She had thrown me gently, so the impact wasn’t that hard. I picked myself up and waited patiently for Ms. Elena to give her assessment.
“……”
“Er, Ms. Elena? How did I do?”
“Tch.”
“Did I do better than you expected?” I asked. “Is that what the tongue click means?”
“To be honest, you might have more of a knack for this than I do.”
“Ah. Thank you very much.” I definitely felt a little smug. More importantly, it was worth it just so I didn’t have to do ten laps. But just as I was about to celebrate—
“Maria!” Amane ran over at full speed.
“Huh?”
Maria was clutching her chest and looked like she was in some serious pain. “I-I am fine. My chest merely hurts a bit.”
“You need rest. You mustn’t force yourself.”
“Truly,” said Maria. “I am quite all right.”
“I cannot approve. Ms. Elena?”
“Uh, yeah, take a break.”
Maria had already caught her breath, so it didn’t seem all that bad, but I guess they wanted to be extra careful. Maria lowered her head apologetically as she walked past me, supported on Amane’s shoulder. “I am so sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t much of a partner in the end.”
“Don’t worry about it. Just get some rest.”
“Thank you.”
I activated my Editor skill as I watched her walk off.
Sixteenth Year Death Curse: A curse skill. Causes the owner’s entire body to be wracked with intense pain at regular intervals. The symptoms worsen as the skill owner ages, peaking in their sixteenth year. The skill disappears if the owner makes it through their sixteenth year.
Change “sixteenth” to “fifteenth” — 8,000 LP
“Sixteenth Year Death Curse” will be removed.
Ugh. It was way too expensive. Edits that would nullify and ultimately remove skills required much more LP, and I’d never had even close to that much at one time. That’s just how powerful curses were. Increasing the age from sixteen to seventeen had no effect on the cost either, but the more I saw, the more I wanted to help Maria.
Answer me, Great Sage, what is the fastest way I can earn LP right now?
<Your answer is thus: first, line up all the women in your presence at the moment.>
It must’ve been a difficult question because my head hurt more than usual, but I pushed through.
<Next, run past them, swiping your hand over their breasts as you do. If you touch them all, you can earn 2,000 LP.>
“What?! I’m not gonna do that! And my head hurts like hell!” Even with the Headache Immunity skill, some things were just too much. It seemed like LP-related questions had a high cost. I didn’t think I could take it any longer, so I grabbed Emma’s shoulder. “Hey, could you give me our special hello for the day?”
“What?! Right here?! But everyone’s looking…”
“I can’t take it anymore! Please, I’m sorry!” I planted my lips on hers as the entire class stared. “Ahh…that feels better…”
I let out a sigh of relief, but everyone else was frozen in shock. Suddenly, an intense heat flared behind me. When I turned to see where the hostility was emanating from, I saw Ms. Elena standing there, mouth twitching. “You know we’re in class right now, don’t you?”
“I-It was an emergency…”
“Fifteen laps.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“At a full sprint!”
“Yes, ma’aaaaaam!” I took off running. I didn’t have much choice, since Ms. Elena was chasing after me, swinging her wooden sword.