Chapter 9: Tiptoeing Through the Graveyard

Chapter 9:
Tiptoeing Through the Graveyard

 

THERE WERE SOME RUINS to the southeast of town. It used to be a famous church, but now it was a sad and desolate place. We had come to it for the graveyard.

Eight pumpkin-faced monsters danced before me, all clad in black pointy hats and tattered robes. Their features were carved into the pumpkins, so you could see straight through to their pulpy orange interiors, but they had human-like hands—albeit desiccated ones. Monsters like this were supposedly common in graveyards.

 

Name: Jack-o’-Lantern

Level: 39

Skills: Depression Canon (Grade C)

 

Grade C skills were the weakest, although this particular skill was utterly unfamiliar.

“Sir Noir, we should split up to fight them.”

“Sounds good.”

“Do your best, everybody!”

The jack-o’-lanterns were pretty slow, but they coordinated pretty well in such a large group.

Pew!

I fired off an eighteen-inch-diameter Stone Bullet. It shot through the air and smashed through one of the pumpkin heads. The monster sagged and toppled to the ground.

“Huh, looks like their heads are their weak spot.”

That would speed things up. I decided to try knocking ’em out in one fell swo—whoa?!

A grey light flashed beside me and some kind of sphere flew past my ear. I did a quick backstep and barely dodged. Was that the Depression Canon? The really scary thing was that there didn’t seem to be a tell before it fired.

I counterattacked with another Stone Bullet, and the jack-o’-lantern ducked. Bad news for me—apparently these creatures learned pretty fast.

There wasn’t anything else I could do, so I grabbed my sword. The enemies were slow, so I slashed it with my blade and cut it neatly in two.

“Grr…” The creature let out a little groan as it sank into the ground. My sword really was sharp.

 

Two-edged Blade: Grade A

Skills: Sharp Edge; Good Luck

 

I’d refashioned this sword myself, though it had come with the skill Sharp Edge, which greatly increased its cutting ability.

“Garh!”

“This is too easy.”

The third one tried to get away with the same attack pattern. I handily dodged and cut it down. Magic was all well and good, but there was just something satisfying in taking out monsters with a sword. It was fantastic stress relief.

I took a moment to check on the other two. There really wasn’t anything to say about Luna but, well, that was par for the course. She fired off lightning-quick volleys of Energy Shots from her magical firearm. The monsters had no time to react and she hit all three she’d aimed at. Orange light tore through the jack-o’-lanterns’ heads, sending their similarly colored insides flying in all directions.

Luna sometimes lost consciousness if she used too much magic, but she was diligently conserving her power and so far had pulled off everything without a hitch.

“That’s our Luna.”

“You’re not too shabby yourself,” she said. “Lady Emma should be about finished with her portion, too.”

“Yeah.”

Emma let out a shout as she sliced up the two remaining jack-o’-lanterns with her new daggers. She could use wind magic, too, so Emma was a specialist in close and midrange combat. I had similar strengths, but Luna was more of a mid to long-range combatant.

With all eight creatures defeated, the three of us high-fived.

“But, man, I was only up against two of them, and it still took me the longest…” Emma said.

“Don’t worry about it. This isn’t a race.”

“I’m just clearly weaker than you both.”

“So how about I give you a new skill once I have enough LP?” I asked. “I think something in the wind element would suit you, so it probably won’t be too expensive, either.”

“I don’t want you to just give me a new skill. Here, let me help you earn more LP! Is there anything I can do?”

“I’ll help, too,” said Luna.

I was happy for their assistance, but I wasn’t sure what they could do. I considered asking the Great Sage, but questions related to LP tended to give me a killer headache.

“So this is just a random idea,” I said, “but…what if you both give me a hug at the same time?”

“Like how?”

“Like if one of you hugs me from the front, and the other from the back, like sandwiching me in the middle?”

“Okay, sure!” said Emma.

“I’m a little embarrassed, but…” said Luna.

“Y-yeah, maybe we shouldn’t.”

“But I’m gonna do my best!”

Wait, you’re gonna do it?! Well, I couldn’t complain.

At any rate, the two of them embraced me.

“How’s this, Noir?” Emma asked.

“A-are we doing it right?”

“Hngh, ahh, this feels pretty nice…”

It was so warm, and the two of them smelled so nice, I was feeling a little giddy. I felt like the ham in a ham sandwich! As I enjoyed myself, I checked my LP and I’d earned an extra 300 from the act.

“Thank you, Emma, Luna. I got my LP—hey, watch out, Emma!”

“Huh?”

One of the jack-o’-lanterns must have survived—no, it was a new one that had been hiding behind a gravestone. It fired its Depression Canon at Emma’s back—and hit.

“Eeek!”

“That damn monster!” Luna jumped into action and took out the jack-o’-lantern with an Energy Shot.

After that, we made sure to double-check our surroundings, but it didn’t seem like there were any more surprises.

“Emma, are you okay?”

“I just…wanna die.”

“Huh? You want to…die?”

Emma sank to the ground with a gloomy expression and started writing in the dirt with her finger: “Life is too hard.”

“This seems like an effect of that attack.”

“Makes sense, given the name.”

“Ahh,” Emma moaned. “Nothing good will ever happen if I keep on living, maybe I should just kill myself.”

“Wait! Emma, snap out of it!”

Luna and I restrained Emma as she put one of her daggers to her throat.

“Please let me go. There’s nothing for me in this world but despair.”

“That’s not true!” I protested. “The world is full of light. I’m positive lots of good things will happen, and plenty of things can make you feel better.”

“Like what? I dare you to do something, anything, to make me feel better.”

“Okay, how about I stroke your hair? There, there.”

Normally Emma would yell at me for treating her like a child, but in the throes of the Depression Cannon, she just smiled and seemed to enjoy the attention. Kind of like a cat.

“Ahh…you’re right…I do feel a little happier. Ahh, but it won’t last for the rest of my life, so I really should just die after all.”

“Ngh, how is it so powerful?!”

“Lady Emma must have been especially susceptible,” said Luna. “It doesn’t take much to disturb a pubescent girl’s mental state.”

“What should we do?”

“If we wait, it should get better on its own. Keyword: should. Personally, I think it’d be best to take her back to the guild to heal her with magic or find some medicine.”

“What kind of magic works on this?” I asked.

“For something like this I’d say Panacea.”

I looked into it with Get Creative. There were C- through S-Grade variations of that skill. Thanks to Emma and Luna’s help, my family, and Ms. Elena’s contribution, I had over 1,000 LP.

The B-Grade version and above required over 1,000 LP, which was a bit much. The C-Grade one was only 500, though, which was manageable.

“Will the weakest version of the spell be enough to cure her?”

“I believe so.”

“It seems like it’ll be useful in the future, too, so I’ll go for it.”

I spent the LP to Bestow Panacea on myself at C-Grade. I touched Emma and activated the skill. I felt my palms heat up, but it was a pleasant warmth. As I went to confirm whether it’d worked, Emma’s expression did a 180.

“Huh? Something feels, like, really nice.”

“Do you still want to die and stuff?”

“Not at all! I felt really rough there for a sec, though. I wonder what that was about.”

Luna and I let out a sigh of relief. Emma was back to her usual self. The negativity really didn’t suit her.

“Hey, Noir, stroke my hair~!”

“But you’re better already.”

“Oh no, I think I want to die again…”

I could tell she was faking, but I pretended to be taken in. “We can’t have that now, can we? There you go.”

“Hm, I guess I don’t need to die after all.”

Both of us were sixteen years old, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little ridiculous.