Extra Chapter: A Strange Holiday

Extra Chapter:
A Strange Holiday

 

I HAD NEVER BEEN off the continent, so I couldn’t even imagine what the cultures and customs of far-off kingdoms were like. Despite that, there were times when I felt my home region—well, really more like home kingdom—was pretty odd. One of those times was on holidays.

We had a cosmic heck-ton of holidays. I didn’t even know the point of most of them. Consider, for example: Barefoot Day, which involved walking barefoot; Meat Day, where one ate meat at every meal; and Sarcasm Day, when we said something sarcastic to everyone we met all day. They were all pretty weird, but this day was the weirdest of all—Kissing Day!

As you might expect, it was a day where you were supposed to give kisses to people as a thank you. It was hard not to be preoccupied with the topic. I mean, when I sat down to breakfast, my father was kissing all sorts of things.

“Good morning, table. Thank you for all your hard work, chair.”

I vainly pretended not to see my father kissing everything in sight. I didn’t want to risk making eye contact with him.

“Hey, Noir, I’m not doing anything weird.”

Nevertheless, he seemed intent on dragging me into his nonsense.

“Kisses are supposed to be a way to express thanks…right?” I said.

“Exactly,” he said. “Long ago, there was a tyrannical ruler who stole everything from his people, even the hair off their backs. He was extremely paranoid, so he was terribly cold and distant with everyone in the land. The one thing that melted his icy heart was a woman who was an extremely good kisser. He fell madly in love with her, and her love made him warm to other people.”

That was the origin of the holiday. It was popular enough with couples, but was there really any point? And today wasn’t just about kisses, there was another event that got everyone needlessly worked up.

“I just know you’re going to find the smile bird today, dear.”

“I’m sure you will too, honey. You even took the day off work.”

“Are you going to look for it too, brother dearest?”

“Umm, well, I tried last year, but I didn’t find it.”

Once a year, on Kissing Day, the blue bird of happiness visited the kingdom. It was always on the same day. Even our greatest scholars couldn’t explain why. The bird was technically a monster, but it didn’t harm humans, and when you approached it, it made you smile. That was probably why people started calling it the smile bird.

I went looking for it with Emma the previous year, but it didn’t stay in town for long. We didn’t even catch a glimpse of its shadow…

“Ah, I better get going.”

It was time for school, so I headed off to meet Emma. I called out when I spotted her on the street.

“Morning.”

“Good morning! The weather’s so nice today.”

“You seem cheerier than usual, Emma.”

“He he he, you’re so forgetful, Noir. The smile bird is coming today.”

“You wanna look for it again this year?”

“Of course I do! But before we do that…” Emma wrapped her arms around me and gave me a kiss. She did it for me every day to help me earn LP, but it seemed a little different today. For starters, she kissed my cheeks and my forehead, then my neck and my hands.

“Hey, Emma, this is a little embarrassing in the middle of the street…”

“There’s nothing weird about it today. See?”

She did have a point. Everyone on the street was kissing indiscriminately. We headed to school, surrounded by all that kissing. Class was the same as usual, but lunch was a little different. Maria, the duke’s daughter, and her attendant Amane, said they wanted to talk, so I followed them up to the roof.

No one else was up there, and I could feel the wind directly against my skin. Their skirts fluttered in the breeze and looked like they could flip up at any moment. The thought made my heart pound—not for any perverse reason, but because it’d be awkward.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” I asked.

“Mr. Noir,” said Maria. “Do you know what day it is today?”

“You mean the holiday?”

“Indeed. Because you lifted my curse, I owe you a debt of gratitude and I would appreciate it if you would allow me to…k-kiss you.”

“I…have the same request as Maria,” said Amane. “Though only if you are willing, Mr. Stardia.”

They both seemed serious, and of course I was willing. Plus, it’d earn me some LP. I nodded, and they stood on either side of me.

“Amane, are you ready?”

“No issues here, Maria.”

“On three, then—”

They both kissed me on the cheek at the same time. For a long time. Then they moved around in front of me and kissed me on the mouth, one after the other. I froze. I could see a faint blush on Maria’s cheeks. I thought Amane’s face looked pretty much the same as ever until I noticed how red her ears were.

“I hope we will continue to be good friends.”

“R-right back at you.”

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad holiday after all.

 

***

 

After class, I met up with Luna and Lola at the guild hall. I’m sure it won’t shock you to hear that when I met them, they jumped on the opportunity the holiday presented. Surprise attacks that restore your vitality sure are nice!

“By the way, Mr. Noir,” Lola asked. “Were you planning to take a request today?”

“Yeah, but I was talking to Emma about looking for the smile bird.”

“Is that so… I’ll join you, then.”

“Huh? What about work?”

“It’s fine. I had a feeling you’d be doing that, so I got permission to leave.”

Lola was determined to join us in the search, though Emma seemed annoyed.

“Ugh, you really don’t have to…”

“I’m coming. It’s my mission to be happy with Mr. Noir.”

“Hrmph.”

“Oh, Ms. Emma, were you going to go look for a pig or something?”

“Excuse me?!”

Luna sighed as the two of them bickered and asked how I planned on looking for the bird.

“I was thinking I’d ask the Great Sage,” I told her.

“You can do that? Your skills truly are useful, Sir Noir.”

I hadn’t been able to use it last year because of the headaches, but I’d gotten a pretty good handle on them now, so I asked without hesitation.

<It is currently flying over a location 773 yards to the east.>

That wasn’t very far at all!

“Enough fighting, you two. I know where it is, so let’s get going!”

It was on the move, so if we didn’t hurry, it might get away. The four of us dashed out of the guild and sprinted through town. Soon enough, we found a bird exactly where the sage said it’d be.

“That bird that just passed overhead was the smile bird, right?”

“I think so.”

I could hear the other townspeople talking as we followed it.

“Huh? Isn’t that it?” Luna pointed straight ahead.

A crowd of people were looking up into the sky at a bird. It looked like a falcon with short wings, but of a completely different color than any bird of prey I knew. Its body was a blue, a little deeper than the sky, and its beak a cheery gold.

I used my Discerning Eye on it.

 

Name: Guffaw

Level: 12

Skills: High-Speed Flight; Laughter Beam

 

“Yup, I think that’s the smile bird.”

“We should get over there.”

When we worked our way into the ring of people, it was immediately apparent that something was a little odd. They were all roaring with strange laughter. I didn’t know what they were laughing about, but they were all cackling uncontrollably and talking about all sorts of incomprehensible nonsense.

“Hey, the sign fell over! Isn’t that hilarious?!”

“Look at that person walking over there! Isn’t that funny? Ah ha ha ha ha!”

They were taking profound delight in extremely everyday occurrences. Was this the smile bird’s power? But no one struck me as particularly happy. If anything, it just seemed like they’d lost some IQ points. A blue beam of light fired from the Guffaw’s eyes and made everyone laugh even harder.

“Make me happy, smile bird!”

“Hey, that’s cheating! Do me!”

It seemed to respond to requests, because the Guffaw instantly hit Lola and Emma with its beam. The way their attitudes suddenly changed was a little scary.

“Look, everyone, that building…is square!”

“It really is! And it’s got a door! How ridiculous! Ah ha ha ha ha!”

I didn’t really understand what was so funny.

“I guess that might be some people’s definition of happy, but I don’t want that to happen to me,” said Luna.

“You and me both,” I agreed.

“That said, it’s really not what I imagined it’d be. I thought it’d be a much gentler, quieter kind of happineeeeeeeee—”

“Luna?”

Luna had been hit with the Laughter Beam. Even someone as cool and collected as her couldn’t fight it.

“Sir Noir! Sir Noir! Look what I can do!” she proudly announced before doing a handstand. “It’s a handstand! Ah ha ha ha!”

What a terrifying skill. All I could see it as was a drastic personality change, so I read its description with Editor.

 

Laughter Beam: Temporarily reduces target’s intellect, thinking ability, and shame. Improves target’s mood and makes them think everything is funny.

 

See! I knew it made you stupid! I didn’t care how happy it made me, I didn’t want that. But just as I’d feared, I was hit with the beam. I didn’t even have a chance to avoid it. The second it hit, I felt something burst inside me.

I tore off my shirt and stood in front of everyone. “Look at me, everybody! I’m about to perform the famous Stardia Family Octopus Dance. Wiggle wiggle wiggle!”

I put on a presentation that would have met my father’s most drunken standard. It was fun! And it felt good when everyone burst out laughing. What an amazing feeling! Thank you, Guffaw!

 

***

 

I ended up performing the Octopus Dance for nearly an hour. The crowd got sucked in by my energy and started copying me, and before long the whole square was full of bizarre dancing.

Suddenly, I snapped out of it and found I was half-naked. Emma and the others seemed to snap out of it at the same time. The Guffaw was nowhere to be seen. Once the trance wore off, it was clear that it had all been a result of the bird’s skill.

Emma watched the bird fly off with a dazed look in her eye. “We sure got into that, huh…?”

“Yeah. And I did that dance my dad always does, even though I swore I never would.”

“It’s weird though, don’t you feel kinda refreshed?”

“Yeah, now that you mention it.”

Something about spending all that time laughing like idiots had relaxed our bodies and minds. It had worked on Luna and the others too.

“The smile bird, huh?” she said. “It doesn’t attack people, either. What a strange monster.”

“It’s definitely not a bad monster, that’s for sure,” I said. “We humans can’t fly. We’re restricted by so many things. And not just physically, but by things like society’s rules. That bird gave us a way to escape all that, if just for a moment. I think we could learn a thing or two from it.”

I was being serious, but Lola started giggling. “I guess being forced to learn a lesson isn’t always terrible.”

“Look, if I don’t try to frame it like that, I’ll be crushed by the shame of knowing I did the Octopus Dance!”

But it really was a fun day. The Guffaw had moved on from us to other spots in the town, so laughter continued to echo through town all day.

I look forward to seeing you again next year, Guffaw!