Chapter 5: Bad Children Can’t Hide from Meeee!

Chapter 5:
Bad Children Can’t Hide from Meeee!

 

THE SIGN READ: Look up.

I did as I was instructed. There were several brightly colored buttons on the ceiling. What could they possibly do? I couldn’t reach them, even if I jumped. I guess I needed to use magic to push them.

First, I figured I should read the rest of the sign.

Look up. If you choose correctly, the path before you shall open. If you choose incorrectly, great hardship shall befall you. To light the way: strawberry, lobster shell, rose mallow.

Presumably the “light” to show me the way was a hint. Strawberry, lobster shell, rose mallow… The only thing they had in common was their color. The answer had to be red.

“It feels a little easy, but nothing else makes sense. There’s nothing blue or yellow about any of those things.”

I aimed a Stone Bullet at the red button. My heart was pounding. The button was pretty big, so I had no trouble hitting it. Was it really that simple? I prayed I’d chosen well.

“Can’t hide from…”

A low growl echoed from behind the wall. My anxiety spiked. I strained to hear—it seemed to be coming from behind the wall.

“Bad children…”

Bad children? Just as I was trying to figure out what it meant, the wall rumbled and opened up! Ugh. I got the feeling I’d chosen poorly. My hint: the path opened to reveal a monstrous hag holding a gigantic butcher knife.

She was over six feet tall, with two horns sticking out of her forehead, red skin, and bloodshot eyes. For all the wrinkles on her face, she still had a full set of teeth. Her tongue poked out through them to lick her lips.

“Bad children can’t hide from meeee!”

“Eeep!”

Nope! Nope, nope, nope, not today!

I spun around and ran. I could hear her running after me, and I bolted around the corner without looking back. She was right behind me!

“Bad children can’t hide from meeee!”

“Eeeeeeek!”

Driven my pure terror, I dove out of the way just in time to avoid her blade. I struggled back up as fast as I could and, just as she lunged forward, I fired a three-foot Stone Bullet at her feet. Unsurprisingly, it stopped her in her tracks. Buuut it also made her even angrier. She looked like she could kill me with a glare.

“Can you understand me?” I asked.

“The bad boy…can…speak. Bad boy…must punish.”

Gonna take that as a qualified “no.”

I drew my sword and considered my options. It was too soon to use Dungeon Elevator again, and this lady was too fast for me to make a break for the stairs. In short, I had to fight her and win, or I was probably gonna die.

“Wrong choices make bad boys who need to be spanked.”

“How was I wrong?!” I shouted. “What could the answer be other than red?!”

I used my Discerning Eye on her.

 

Name: Ogre Hag

Level: 200

Skills: Superhuman Strength

 

Ogre Hag? Level 200?! Oh, great, what a cool day! At least she only had the one skill.

“Punishment,” she muttered, swinging her knife.

I dodged back, and the knife smashed into the floor. Panicking, I caught her next attack with my sword. The force of it threw me back into the wall.

“Oww…”

“And now for your final punishment—”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

I fired a Lightning Strike, electrocuting her, and put as much distance as I could between us while she was still twitching. I’d only survived by a hair. My heart felt like it was about to explode.

Then it hit me: that giant knife wasn’t any regular old weapon. Not only was it almost three feet long, I was sure it had to have some kind of skill. Sure enough, when I analyzed it…

Blade of Divine Punishment (Grade A)

Skills: Sharp Edge, Wolf Killer (Grade A)

 

It had Sharp Edge, just like my two-edged sword. That had to be what made it so durable. The odd one was Wolf Killer. It would be insanely powerful against lupine monsters. I thanked my lucky stars that I wasn’t a werewolf.

“Bad boys who run will be stopped.”

The hag pulled something out from her robe. It was a…ball? Like the ones kid used for sports: a rubber core wrapped in thread and covered in leather. It was just the right size to fit in her hand, and she threw it at me with all her might.

I thought about catching it with my sword, but it was so quick that all I could do was duck. Sure, some people might call me a chicken, but I was just prioritizing my life.

“Grrrrr!”

“Ngh!”

I lost my balance and the hag came after me. Just as I tried to counter her attack—

Huh?

She sprinted right past me. Was she running? Let me tell you, I felt stupid for even considering it. She was just recovering the ball. Even so, it was odd that she was so frantic to get it back. Maybe there was something special about it? I had to be sure. I activated my Discerning Eye again to check.

 

Numbing Ball (Grade C)

Skills: Paralysis (Grade C)

 

Well, duh—it wasn’t a toy, it was a weapon. If it hit me, I’d be paralyzed. I had to find a way to counter it. I looked at giving myself C-Grade Paralysis Immunity. The description read: “Increases defense against paralysis. Chance of blocking C-Grade Paralysis attacks.” The skill cost 800 LP, and I acquired it without hesitation.

Now at least I could defend against her attack. …But perhaps it could be useful for attack, as well.

“I’m begging you to stop. I haven’t done anything bad,” I said.

“Then you’re a good boy?”

Weirdly enough, that seemed to get through to her. I nodded aggressively.

“Then prove it,” she said. “Prove that you are a good boy.”

“Prove that I’m a good boy, huh? Like if I were to say, hypothetically, that I helped an old woman cross the road?”

“No, that would not be proof.”

“What if I brought the old woman here to prove it? Will you wait for me?”

She didn’t respond. I tried backing away, but she just raised her knife.

“If you’re a good boy, you won’t dodge my knife. Let it cleave you. That will prove it.”

“Do you think I’m stupid? That would kill me!”

“Prove you’re a good boy by dying. It’s a win-win.”

“I don’t think I’d win anything! If I have to die, I’d rather be killed by a pretty woman, not a wrinkly old hag like you!”

“Gaaaarh!”

It seemed I’d stepped on a landmine of a comment. The enraged hag howled and hurled the numbing ball at me. I resisted my instinct to duck and held out my arm. When the ball struck it, it definitely hurt. I dropped to one knee and threw back my head.

“A-ahhh, I-I can’t feel…my body…”

“This is what happens to bad boys! I’ll take my time curing you of your misdeeds.” The hag approached me, calm and full of cheer.

“C-cure me? H-how…”

“By cracking your skull open, of course! See?”

She raised her knife with both hands, leaving her chest wide open. I seized the opportunity, lunging forward with my sword. It was one of those rare openings that we adventurers like to call perfect.

“Looks like you underestimated me. Who can’t move now, huh? You thought you’d won, didn’t you, pea-brain? But, as you can see, we humans are trickier than that. So…”

I stopped talking. She was, as I mentioned, not exactly moving, and therefore, you know, already dead.

I leveled up, and I got my hands on the hag’s knife and ball to boot. The Blade of Divine Punishment was pretty nice. It was a little too heavy for me, but it was powerful as heck and I wouldn’t have to fear any lupine enemies now. Even the Numbing Ball seemed pretty useful. Considering the hag could hold it without triggering the effect, I guessed that touch alone wasn’t enough to set it off. I checked, and the description suggested the paralysis didn’t work unless the ball inflicted some damage. That must’ve been why the hag was throwing it as hard as she could.

For now, I put the weapons away in my Pocket Dimension and headed deeper in.