Part 61: The Princess Introduces Herself as a Scoop

Part 61:
The Princess Introduces Herself as a Scoop

 

WHEN CATRIA WOKE, the world had remade itself as a Shovel Hell.

“Really?”

That was the only way to describe it.

Catria recalled losing consciousness due to the orbs’ light, but she was no longer in a field near the Rostir capital. In fact, it could hardly be described as a field, considering the lack of plant life. Instead, billions of tiny shovels poked out of the ground. As they swayed back and forth in the wind, she could hear them going “shooovel… shooovel…”

“The laws of space are being contorted.”

But that was pretty common, so Catria scanned her surroundings. Where Lancelot and the Holy Shovel Knights had once stood was a hill, covered with countless shovels stuck in the ground. These shovels were as silver as the Holy Knights’ armor had been.

In other words, those shovels were what the knights had become. That meant the shovel wearing a black cape in front of Catria was probably Zeleburg.

Oh, I get it.

“Wait, what am I talking about?!” Catria gazed up at the sky as she bantered with herself.

As luck would have it, the sky was even more screwed up than the field. The sun still, uh, remained. But a giant shovel impaled it. Just how big did that thing have to be to do something like that?

The sun burned fiercely like a star approaching the end of its life, almost as though it’d burn away everything in this Shovel Hell.

After taking in her surroundings, Catria could handle it no longer and yelled. “Alan! Where are you?!”

She was half in tears. Quite frankly, she was scared, shaken to her core.

“Alan, don’t you dare leave me all alone in this damned Shovel Hell!” Catria was more than certain that she’d lose her mind if left alone in this world for more than three minutes. “Dammit! What were you thinking, Lithisia?!”

Zeleburg had said the orbs could only grant a wish of extreme desire and greed, one that no human could possibly make. He was exactly right. The only being capable of wishing for a world like this was Princess Lithisia, or perhaps, Princess Shovelthisia.

And where exactly had that princess gone? Was she one of the billions of shovels poking out of the ground? If she was, how was Catria to find her? And what would doing that even solve?

Argh, I just don’t get it! This is too much for one single human!

“I see you’re awake, Catria.”

The knight heard someone approaching her from behind. She turned to find a familiarly dressed princess.

“Your Highness?! …No.” Catria peered at the golden-haired girl and the perfect way she held herself. “Elise, huh?”

She must’ve made it through thanks to the lingering shreds of the Anti-Shovel Power treatment she received in Shoveland.

“Hrm, so you survived too.” Elise folded her arms and looked up at the sun impaled by a shovel. Her lips formed a fearless smile. “Catria, look at that. I’m sure you’ve noticed what’s wrong, yes?”

“If you’re talking about the bajillion shovels around us, then yeah.”

“This is World Modification. Something only a high-level being—a God-class entity—can do.”

All right. Okay. So the field of billions of shovels was apparently the work of a god. Great.

Elise wore a victorious expression. “Take a look at the giant shovel impaling the sun. Alan… This would mean that he’s surpassed the God-class entities of the Sun Pantheon. I’ll call him a Zero-Class entity for now. You see, the other gods would never simply allow this to transpire, if they had a choice.”

Shovel, shovel.

The shovels surrounding Elise swayed to and fro.

“Haaah…” Catria sighed. This poor girl has no idea what she’s talking about.

“You seem to have missed this, but this isn’t Alan’s doing,” said Catria. “It’s the princess’s.”

“It’s all the same. Is she not one of his lesser gods? She’s clearly neither human nor angel.”

“Well, that’s true.” It was hard for Catria to outright contradict Elise when part of what she said was in fact the case.

“But this is also the perfect chance!” Elise cried.

“For what?”

“This time, I won’t be interrupted during the important bits like at that theme park.” Elise was likely referring to the Shovelcom incident.

“What’s your point?”

“This is proof that he doesn’t have full control of his power.” Elise smirked. “This happened because his power’s been scattered across the world. Basically, you could say he’s been weakened. Right now, while his Zero-Class power is divided, I, the Demon of Reflection, might be able to copy him! Hee hee hee!”

Elise trembled, but not due to fear; she vibrated with pure excitement. “I had planned to copy the Demogorgon’s power, but now? Hee hee… I never thought the opportunity would present itself so quickly.”

“Stop it, seriously.” Catria’s warning was for real. If Elise continued down this path, Catria could see naught but a future in which Elise became a shovel. “Oh, and I know I’m repeating myself, but Alan isn’t a god.”

Catria knew the warning was pointless at this point, but it had to be made.

Elise regarded Catria for a time before curling her lips into a smile. “If that thing is truly just a human, then you should flee as soon as possible.”

“Pardon?”

“Remember what I said before? There’s no way the Sun God would permit such an atrocity.” Elise pointed at the currently impaled sun and smiled gleefully. “If a mere mortal has made fool of the sun, divine punishment will soon come.”

She wasn’t wrong. If the Pantheon of the Sun had anything to say about this, a big old serving of retribution was no doubt on the way.

“Eh, but given it’s Alan, I’m not sure that really matters,” said Catria.

Elise spun around like she was dancing and turned her back to Catria. She glanced over her shoulder and winked as she walked away. “Catch you later, Catria. Let us meet again, next time in a world that I rule—sha?!”

Thunk!

Elise had tripped on one of the field shovels because she wasn’t looking where she was walking. She tumbled forward and smacked her forehead on another one of the shovels. It looked like it hurt a lot.

“Gaaaaaaaaaah?!” Elise sat on her knees in agony.

“A-are you okay?”

“Th-this is nothing… Nothing!” Elise rubbed her forehead and disappeared. She likely intended to search for Lithisia and Alan.

“She’s nothing more than another victim of the shovel,” Catria sighed. But that didn’t mean Catria could do anything to help her.

Shoooooovel! This was the sound of the wind blowing through the open cavity of a shovel handle. Catria had been left all on her own.

“I…guess I’ll look for Alan too.”

In a way, Elise’s presence had helped calm Catria down. The thought of searching through a billion some-odd shovels made her want to pass out, but the fact that she and Elise were still okay meant that Alan might also still have his human form. Either way, nothing could be saved until Catria reunited with him.

She began to walk, walk and walk, until she came across a landmark.

“Wait, that’s…”

A shovel hill. A single large shovel had been stabbed into its very top. It looked much like the shovel Alan always carried around. The lady knight felt a chill run down the length of her body.

“No, that’s impossible. Not him of all people!” Deeply unsettled, Catria quickly closed in on the shovel.

It was stabbed into the ground almost like a tombstone of sorts, and unfortunately, it was most definitely Alan’s shovel. But that wasn’t all; something was actually buried in the ground.

Catria trembled with despair. Buried there was Alan’s head.

“?!”

His head was the only thing poking out from the dirt. Alan’s expression was peaceful, almost as if he were sleeping under the watchful eye of the shovel.

No, this can’t be! Alan can’t be dead! Catria fell to her knees and reached out to his head with trembling hands.

Woop.

The Alan head casually opened its eyes. “Hrm, you’re finally awake, Catria?”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!”

And just like that, Alan emerged from the ground and wiped the ashen dirt off his body. “Hm, it’s been a while since I was last buried alive. Not since the battle against the Demogorgon.”

Alan’s whole body was present and accounted for. He was alive, like any normal person. Once Catria fully realized this, she broke into sobs as she thumped Alan on the chest with her hands. You big, dumb, stupid, dummy!

“Enough with the crappy jokes, you big jerk!” she cried.

“Hey, don’t hold me like that. I’m covered in dirt.”

To be fair, from Catria’s point of view, he had been a total goner. Though relieved, she still had a runny nose.

“Why are you crying?”

“’Cuz you were acting all dead! What the hell were you thinking?!” Catria yelled as she fought back her tears. I mean, I’m glad he’s alive! I am! I am, but, argh! I’m going to get him for tricking me like this!

“Ah, you mean me being buried? I wasn’t pretending to be dead.” Alan casually pulled his shovel out from the dirt, and for a moment, it looked like it was glowing light blue. “By burying myself in the ground, I charged my Shovel Power.”

“None of those words make any sense!”

“I was preparing for a battle with a fierce enemy.”

“Jeez, you’re such a dummy!”

Despite the tears in her eyes, Catria smiled; she really was happy that this was the same old Alan, so much so that she let out a sigh of relief.

As Alan gently ran his hand across Catria’s head, his expression grew serious. “Catria, this is going to be one hell of a fight. I’m going to need your strength (shovel).”

“You think I didn’t hear ‘shovel,’ but I totally did!”

“I might not be able to handle this alone. It’s possible that the orbs have taken a significant portion of my power.”

Alan gripped his shovel. His whole body projected a light blue Shovel Aura, but it wasn’t nearly as fierce as before. Perhaps Elise had been right when she said his power had been scattered.

“Before you woke up, I was gathering the Shovel Power that’s been strewn across the globe, but…”

Alan gazed past Catria. She turned, only to find a castle in the distance, one that sat where Rostir Castle should’ve been. However, something was clearly different about it. It was a steel tower that nearly pierced the heavens—in the shape of a shovel, no less. There could be no doubt about the identity of the one who waited within those walls.

“I don’t know if I can save Lithisia all by myself,” Alan said, looking grave.

“I…see…” Catria wasn’t really sure what she “saw,” but she chuckled and gripped the Holy Knight Blade on her back. Alan was asking for her help. The invincible Alan, asking a fallen knight such as herself. In that case, there was but one answer. “I understand. Leave it to me. What do you need me to do?”

“Help me maintain my sanity.”

“Excuse me?”

“If I spoke to Lithisia as she is now, even I might get corrupted.”

“Even you…? I’m not sure I can help if it’s really that bad.”

Alan shook his head. “Whenever you play the straight woman, it helps me stay calm.”

“That’s my role?!”

Catria had thought Alan was leaving her to guard his back, but instead he wanted the stupidest favor imaginable. That said, Catria had already agreed to help, so there was no turning back.

“We must hurry, Catria. If we take too much time, things’ll only get worse.”

“How is that even possible at this point?”

“Currently, this Shovel Hell is limited to only Rostir. What we should worry about resides elsewhere.” Alan pointed to the impaled sun up above. “That’s the real sun, and it’s currently being blatantly desecrated by the shovel.”

“I suppose that’s one way of putting it.”

“If the Sun God notices, there’ll be a new kind of hell to pay.”

“Elise said as much earlier…”

Divine retribution. Now that Catria thought about it, didn’t Lucy and Gabriella serve the Sun God? Alan had said something about how if he ever had to face a greater God-class entity, his chances of winning were slim. Of course, the fact that they were slim and not nonexistent was ridiculous in and of itself.

“I asked Lucy and Gabriella to try and keep the Sun God busy for now,” Alan said. At this point, it seemed safe to say that the two of them were proper Shovel Angels now. “I don’t know how long they’ll be able to hold out. We must hurry.”

Alan dug his feet into the Shovel Ground (it was hard) and began to walk quickly. Their objective was the former capital of Rostir, now known as the capital of Shovelir, and the Ashen Shopalace, where they would once more face Lithisia.

“Alan, what are you planning on saying to the princess?”

“I don’t know.” The one dude in the world who was impossible to understand was saying that he didn’t know something. “I still don’t understand what Lithisia wants from me—or any of this.”

It was true that no mortal could possibly understand any of what Lithisia was thinking, but one thing was clear as day to Catria, at least: Lithisia loved Alan.

“That’s why the first thing I need to do is listen to her demands and go from there. I may not know what she’s after, but I’ll do everything within my power to give it to her,” Alan whispered to himself as he stared off toward the shining Shopalace. He seemed calm, but his underlying anxieties slipped through the cracks.

Catria could tell he cared a great deal about Lithisia, and she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the princess.

Alan turned to Catria. “Do you know what she wants?”

Catria struggled with this question for a moment. In the end, she chose honesty. “Doesn’t she want to marry you?”

Seriously, just marry her already.

“If that’s what she truly desires, I wouldn’t object,” Alan replied.

“Seriously?”

“But that can’t be the only thing she’s after. Her request has to be something beyond the understanding of humanity.”

“You might be right…”

The wish the orbs granted…what could it have been?

Lithisia’s feelings for Alan were supposed to be like that of a young maiden’s, but when Catria looked at the sun impaled by a shovel, or the Shopalace, or the field of shovels, she wasn’t so confident in that assessment. Rostir had transformed into a Shovel Hell, befitting the name Shovelir. A nation for shovels, not humans, composed of a billion small shovels. No matter how you looked at it, this wasn’t the work of a young maiden in love. Nor was it the work of a god, despite what Elise thought. If anything—

“We might end up doing battle with the princess…”

It was the work of a lord of Hell.

 

***

 

The Shopalace was in fact much closer than they had realized. Rostir Castle should’ve been multiple miles away, but they arrived at the new castle after traveling only a few feet.

The distance had probably been filled in by shovels.

“Looks like Lithisia is here.”

The shovel-shaped castle, as large as a mountain, was constructed entirely of shovels. From afar, it appeared to be a tower made from all kinds of rubble, but up close, that rubble actually consisted of countless small shovels. It was an incredibly uncomfortable sight.

“It’s so dang hard to walk!”

“Let’s hurry. Lucy and Gabriella will only be able to hold the Sun God’s attention for so long.”

“What happens if they notice us?”

“It’s possible that Rostir—no, the entire continent—will get roasted.”

“Isn’t that going overboard?!”

“That’s how gods are.”

And just like that, Catria shouldered the fate of the continent. As a knight, this was all terribly exciting, but she couldn’t find it in herself to laugh or smile. After all, she’d soon be directing the tip of her blade at her beloved (at least when she was human) mistress.

Catria swallowed as her body quaked with nervous energy. What form had Lithisia taken while waiting for them?

“This is it.”

The pair stood in front of a towering door to the throne room (the door was also made out of a bunch of shovels). The sign on said door had a message written in familiar feminine handwriting.

“Here lies the Great Demon King, Sho Ve Lithisia”

Shovevevevevel…

(The sound of Catria’s anxiety being instantaneously washed away.)

“What the hell are you thinking, Your Highness?” Catria sighed, though she at least understood that it was nothing good.

“We’re going in, Catria.”

Shoshoshosho…

Alan opened the large door and an extremely stupid sound filled the air. This was the throne room Zeleburg had once taken over for himself. In the center of it was a young woman in a princess dress. Her left hand held a shovel, while her right hand also held a shovel. She had a shovel in her mouth and was using shovels as stilts. She was simultaneously wielding five shovels, and her eyes were hidden behind a mask. A mask shaped like the head of a shovel. Actually, it was just a shovel head. Above her head, all seven orbs floated in midair. They formed a beautiful shovel (four orbs for the handle, three orbs for the head).

She was completely a shovel. Or was she a scoop at this point? Did it really matter?

“W-welcommemefe, pperrf. Th-thiffgf haf?!” Because of the shovel in her mouth, she couldn’t speak properly. Said mouth-shovel fell to the floor, causing the self-proclaimed Great Demon King Sho Ve Lithisia to panic and try to pick it up. She attempted to sho-ffle over to it, but in doing so she slipped, causing the shovels in her hands and her mask to fall off as well.

Her face was plain for all to see.

“What the hell are you thinking, Your Highness?” said Catria, which was the second time she had said this in thirty seconds.

“Shoooooo?!” Lithisia was stunned that her identity had been discovered, not that anyone had ever actually questioned who she was. The only princess dumb enough to do this in the history of the entire continent was Lithisia, and there was no way this idiot was that unfortunate soul, Elise of the Reflection. “I-I’m no cute and pure Shovel Princess, shovel!”

She was already falling apart.

“The shovel at the end of your sentence kinda gives you away, to be honest.”

“Sho?! I mean, uh, er, scoop!” Lithisia cleared her throat before continuing. “I-I’m the Great Demon King, Sho Ve Lithisia! I will fill this world with shovels, scoop!”

“This hurts to listen to.”

“Scoop, I said!” Lithisia insisted with tears in her eyes.

Catria no longer knew what to do.

Then the silent Alan finally moved. He gripped his shovel. “Lithisia, right now, you really are a scoop.”

“!!!”

With a super happy smile on her face, she nodded enthusiastically.

Catria no longer had the energy to interject, so she just gazed out the window. The impaled sun still burned brightly.

Ah, jeez. Maybe it’s for the best if you just burn this whole world to a crisp, Sun God.