Intermission: Alice’s Street Shovel

Intermission:
Alice’s Street Shovel

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE INN, in a room on the second floor, Lithisia received Catria’s report on the situation. Alan had gotten himself captured on purpose so that he could sniff out information on the Green Orb’s whereabouts. Catria stressed (intensely) that Alan did not want the princess to concern herself with his safety, and that he needed her to wait for him.

“I understand. Thank you for the good work, Catria.”

“My pleasure.”

The lady knight was somewhat surprised. Lithisia was much calmer about this than she expected, especially considering how much she shovely lovely loved Alan. Catria had assumed the princess would struggle with being apart from him.

“I’m fine. There was something I wanted to do, anyway.”

“Oh?”

Lithisia gripped her shovel and smiled. “This is the perfect chance to become closer to Alice!”

She’s going to add to her crimes, isn’t she? thought Catria.

That said, she had no intention of stopping the princess, which at this point made her a coconspirator.

***

Back in the bedroom, Alice was lying on the bed, slowly touching her stomach. She dragged each of her fingers contemplatively across her skin.

“Hrm… They’re mostly back.”

She meant her five senses. When Alice inherited Veknar’s power, she lost all of her human senses and gained magic ones in their place. She hadn’t seen or heard things so much as information about the world had been projected directly to her brain. But now, when she touched her stomach, she felt ticklish. This was all because of Lithisia’s shoveling.

Alice was a bit conflicted, and it showed on her face. If she were honest with herself, she should be grateful to the miner and the princess. She didn’t want to be honest. It would mean admitting defeat. Defeat by shovel. Alice called herself the undead king and was even the princess of a nation, small as it was. She was prideful.

“That’s right. I can’t lose! I am the king of the undead!” Alice clenched her fists to get herself amped up. “If nothing else, I refuse to lose to an ordinary human, that monster of a miner notwithstanding.”

Up until now, she had been unable to resist Lithisia’s advances. But that was only because Lithisia had been backed up by the monster that was Alan. With him off on his own, Alice would at last be able to fend off the princess. She would free herself from this shovel curse.

And she absolutely had to gain her freedom. Lately, whenever Lithisia rubbed her shovel against the bottoms of Alice’s feet, warmth built deep inside of Alice’s body. It wasn’t just the effect of a little stimulation on the surface, either, but an ember, burning within. Something that made Alice’s entire body tremble.

“Urgh! N-no way!” At this rate, Alice might awaken to some new weird shovel nonsense, just like the princess. “I refuse to be tied down by a cursed shovel!”

Alice stood up on the bed to better monologue. The last time she bad-mouthed shovels in front of Lithisia, she’d been tortured for it. But there was no longer anything to fear!

“That’s right! First I’ll brainwash her!” The undead king had remembered something when she was extracting intelligence from Raystol. In the depths of Veknar’s knowledge, Alice had discovered a type of magic called “Dominating Will.” “Cursed shovel princess… I’m going to be the one to control you this time.”

Just then, the door opened.

“You were asking for me?”

“!!!”

Alice jumped like a surprised cat, her silver hair flowing through the air. “W-w-were you listening?!”

“What do you mean?” asked the shovel princess, head tilted.

Relief flooded Alice’s chest. Lithisia hadn’t overheard her declarations. She had narrowly avoided having the undersides of her feet shoveled again as punishment.

No, stay focused! No fear! Without that miner around, she’s just an ordinary human! Alice shook her head. She was doing her best to confront her intense fear of shovels.

Meanwhile, Lithisia entered the room. “Alice, do you have some time?”

“F-f-for what? Our shoveling session isn’t until tonight, right?”

They scheduled these things out ahead of time. Needless to say, Alice didn’t have the right to object.

“Yes, of course. But I also prepared this…” Lithisia took out a paper bag. “I was hoping you might enjoy it.”

“E-enjoy what?!” What sort of shovel torture madness had the princess prepared for her this time? Up until now, Alice had managed to protect her purity, but what else was there left to her? What could the princess be scheming?

At the same time, Alice could feel herself growing oddly excited. No! Stop it! I’m not a deranged pervert! I’m a regular old undead king! Alice was deeply confused by her conflicting feelings, and she found herself further taken aback by what Lithisia took out of the bag.

“Clothes?”

“Yes! You’re always naked, so…” Lithisia smiled. “I bet it’ll look wonderful on you! Here, try it on.”

A few minutes later, Alice was awestruck by the image of herself in the mirror.

“Oh… Wow.”

She wore a white dress. The undead king had prepared herself for some sort of nefarious shovel surprise, but it really was just a dress. Not to mention, it fit her perfectly, and the fabric felt wonderful and light. It was clearly tailor-made specifically for her, and not cheap either.

More importantly, it wasn’t a shovel. Hell, it was a normal present. That fact alone was enough to deeply confuse the girl.

“Shovely cute! You look darling, Alice!” Lithisia was giddy like any other girl her age would be (except for her verbiage).

“Amazing. You look like nobility,” Catria mused.

The lady knight only ever really saw Alice when she was naked and being violated by Lithisia’s shovel, so the gap between that situation and this one was massive. The breeze coming from the window caused Alice’s silver hair and dress to flutter, so she pressed her hands down on the skirt.

“Wh-what’s the big idea?” she asked. Why would Lithisia of all people ever present someone with something other than a shovel? She had to be plotting something. Alice steeled her resolve in anticipation of Lithisia’s response, but…

“Let’s go for a walk outside!” The princess didn’t even mention shovels once.

***

In short order, the pair found themselves on a crowded street outside as they walked together through the center of Lactia. While they wore disguises, one of them was an absolute beauty, and the other was an adorable young girl. To no surprise, everyone’s eyes were trained on them.

It would’ve been much worse if Alice were naked. Terrible, in fact. But she was clothed, and Lithisia pulled her happily along, their skirts waving in the wind. Yet Alice couldn’t help being bothered.

“Alice, that’s the famous Lactia Assembly Hall!” Lithisia pointed the head of her shovel at a giant clocktower. “That’s where the Republic’s government meets up! Want to take a look?”

“I don’t mind, but…what are you planning with all of this?”

“Yay! Shtraveling! (Walking along joyfully with shovel in hand!)”

“H-hey, wait! You’re walking too fast!”

Soon, the pair reached the Assembly Hall. It was a four-story brick building, with a large plaza befitting of the nation’s very core. Copper statues of historical figures stood proudly across the plaza, likely people who had significantly contributed to Lactia’s prosperity. Around them were groups of smart-looking men in uniform. This appeared to be a prime break spot for the assembly.

“We’re here!”

“Lithisia, wait up!” Alice was out of breath. She had an undead body, so technically she didn’t have to worry about her stamina. This was more of a mental exhaustion. She was still terribly confused about the whole situation. Why had the princess invited her out? “Lithisia, what are you plotting?”

“Hee hee. Well, you see…” Lithisia rummaged through the bag on her back and pulled something out.

Was she finally unveiling her shovel? Alice braced herself for the worst.

“Tadashovel!” It was a sheet, not a shovel. Well, it was a sheet with a shovel pattern on it, but it still wasn’t what Alice was dreading. “This plaza is known for being the brightest and comfiest spot in all of Lactia!”

“Huh.”

“So c’mon, Alice!” Lithisia sat down on the sheet and patted the spot next to her. “If you sunbathe here for a little while, I bet you’ll ‘warm’ right up!”

Alice opened her mouth. “You mean…”

Lithisia had remembered that Alice wanted warmth. She looked expectantly at Alice.

“No, it’s just…” Alice demurred. “I’m surprised is all. Hrm.”

“Why, shovel?”

Alice ignored the last bit of Lithisia’s response. “I figured all you ever thought about were shovels.”

“Ha ha ha, I try to, but…” A sadness crossed Lithisia’s face. “Right now, I just can’t…”

Alice wasn’t sure what the princess was talking about, but that wasn’t anything new. The undead girl settled down next to her companion and the two of them looked up at the blue sky.

It was indeed warm. Alice’s five senses hadn’t completely returned yet, but she could still bask in the overwhelming pressure of the sun. Lithisia was right; this was a wonderful spot.

“I’m alive…” Alice whispered.

When she became the king of the undead, the peaceful days she once enjoyed grew ever so distant. Or at least, she thought they had. Granted, she’d hardly call her current situation peaceful, what with her feet getting shoveled every single day, but nonetheless, the breeze she felt at the moment was the same as that of her time as a princess. It was as if the sun and wind were telling Alice that it was okay for her to live in the here and now. The only problem was that she still didn’t know what to do with her new lease on life.

“Alice, are you feeling nice and warm?”

“I guess…”

Relieved, Lithisia smiled beatifically at the girl. “I’m glad. You’re always working so hard for us. It’s important to take breaks.”

“Hey, so, uh… Since when did you get all serious on me?”

Lithisia was always but a single step away from madness, so her earnestness was making Alice uncomfortable.

“Huh? I’m always shoveling shoveleriously serious.”

“That’s even more worrying.”

The princess was always totally sincere about her Shovel Faith nonsense. That’s what made it so unbearable.

Lithisia seemed to give it some thought, however. “I suppose it’s just that things are going to get very busy, so I’m happy to have your help, shovel!”

“How far do you plan on taking all of this?” Alice asked, defeated.

“Well, I’ve already decided. Though it’s a secret from Sir Miner.”

“Decided on what?”

“Well…” Lithisia looked up at the Assembly Hall. “I was just thinking of taking over the world, is all.”

The way Lithisia phrased her objective made it sound like she was just going to stroll next door to the candy store to buy a snack or something.

“Um, like, you know. Sir Miner’s super-duper shoveling amazing, right?”

“I-I guess…?” said Alice. She’s actually explaining herself?!

Lithisia ignored the astonished Alice and continued to bashfully describe her plan.

“I…shovely love Sir Miner. I want to be with him forever. But I’m not like you, Alice. I’m just a normal human. No matter how hard I try to mimic his actions and words, I have no special powers. I’m just a regular old human who loves shoveling.”

“O-okay.” There is nothing normal about you!

“All I can do is shovelfy the way I speak. But even then, I have to consciously choose to do that… Shovel (activated).”

The fact that it was something that “activated” was scary in and of itself. Alice desperately wanted to interject, but sensed now wasn’t the time.

“I still want to be by Sir Miner’s side… So I have to work extra hard.” Lithisia gripped her shovel and looked up at the sky. “And surpass the limits of humanity.”

She was literally proclaiming that she was giving up on being human. Though in reality, she had already surpassed being a mere human. Alice again wanted to shut the princess down, but now wasn’t the time for it.

“I know that’s impossible. I know I’ll never catch up to Sir Miner. But I have to try… Alice?”

The undead king was gripping her head in dismay.

“Ah, I’m so sorry. This must seem terribly sudden.” Lithisia rubbed the girl on her head. The fact that she was doing this with her hand and not a shovel was proof that she might yet have an ounce of humanity left in her. “And so I was hoping you might be willing to help me…of your own free will.”

“I have no free will, thanks to that shovel of yours.”

“That all ends today.”

“Huh?!”

That was perhaps the most surprising statement of the day.

“Your sense of taste, hearing, and smell are mostly returned. Sir Miner said that everything would naturally recover if we left you be. There’s no reason for me to shovel you anymore.”

“I-I didn’t realize…but you’re right. I am mostly back to how I was when I was human…” Alice murmured.

So that was why Lithisia hadn’t tried to shovel her today. Because she didn’t have to anymore.

“No more shoveling, huh? I see…” Alice found herself overcome with both relief and a dash of sadness. Wait, what am I thinking?! There’s nothing sad about this!

“You’re free now, Alice. So this isn’t an order, just a request.”

“Hrm…”

“I’m just a weak human. I have no power. If someone like me is going to overcome the world for Sir Miner’s sake, I need everyone’s help, even if it’s just a little. But more importantly, I need your help. Please.” Lithisia bowed her head down deeply, her blonde hair falling forward. “Please help me shovel like you have up until now… Please help me take over the world.”

Alice looked up at the sun. “Haaaaah…”

Everything Lithisia said was insane, but she meant it. Her expression was as serious as could be. In order to become a woman fit to stand by Alan’s side, not only had she decided to start an entire religion, but she intended to conquer the world itself. And now she was saying that she wanted to become something other than human.

No, not “something.” She wanted to become the woman who could stand beside Alan, the world’s strongest miner and a hero whose very existence was a cosmic joke on the universe.

Alice once again sighed deeply. This was stupid. So very, very stupid.

But.

“Ha ha.” For some reason, Alice laughed. When people are told absolutely ridiculous things, they tend to laugh. “Sure, fine.”

And just like that, a radiant smile bloomed on Lithisia’s face.

“It’s not like I have any goals of my own. I’ll go along with your little plan for the time being.” Alice nodded.

Plus… Alice felt the light and warmth of the sun on her hand. How far can our crazy princess go? Will she really catch up to Alan? She kind of wanted to find out.

“Thank you shovely much~!” Lithisia was so thrilled that she looked like a child.

She’s way more childish than I am, Alice thought to herself. When she’s not shoveling, she can be pretty darn cute.

“Now that it’s been decided! Shovely swoosh!” This was the sound Lithisia made whenever she came up with a truly dubious idea.

The princess pulled something out of her bag. Was it a lunch box of some kind? No, it was a shovel rope, the very same one the party had first used to tie Alice up.

Alice’s body instinctively responded and she leapt to her feet. “Wh-wh-what’s that for?!”

Too late. The rope automatically began to wrap itself around the undead king.

“Waaaaaaait?! Wh-what’s going on?!”

And just like that, Alice and her dress were bound tight, hanging in midair. A shovel connected to the rope was stabbed into the tree they were next to. She looked like a captive princess. Worse, the rope pulled up her skirt and tightened around her small chest, causing her breasts to seem slightly larger than usual.

It was a real bad look.

“What are you doing, Lithisia?!”

“Shovel is money! We’re doing a public shoveling!”

“A public what?!”

Lithisia explained: A public shoveling involved her doing the usual to Alice, only this time in front of an audience. This way, they’d be able to show the masses how wonderful shoveling was, while also helping Alice get her senses back by embarrassing her like crazy in front of other people. Two birds with one shovel!

The main problem with this plan was that it was borderline criminal. But since Alice wasn’t naked, surely it’d be fine. Surely.

“We’re going to show the politicians and bureaucrats just how happy the shovel has made you! And once we let them experience the greatness of the shovel, we stop just before the shovelmax (climax) and go, ‘To experience the rest, join the faith!’ Shove, shove, shove! (the shovel version of laughing).”

What a demonic plan this was.

“All you’re going to attract are a bunch of people with troubling kinks!”

“All bureaucrats and politicians are troubling. Look! People are gathering.”

A bunch of old dudes had surrounded Lithisia and Alice. They were swallowing loudly while contemplating what exactly was about to happen with this beautiful young woman and the young girl tied up in a white dress. They were especially entranced by Alice’s exposed thighs and underarms.

“Lithisia, stop this at once! Didn’t you say you wouldn’t be shoveling me anymore?!”

“I only said I didn’t have to for your five senses. I didn’t say anything about your other senses.”

“What other senses?!”

“The objective is forty-five!”

This princess had created more senses.

“The sense that deals with perceiving shovels is number six. The sense that deals with shovel taste is number seven. The one that deals with cats is number eight. Shovel love is number nine. Hee hee, I’m gonna build up all of your shovel senses, Alice! So let’s have fun shoveling all the shovel long day! And then, and then!” Lithisia’s eyes were, let’s just say, looking rather unnatural. This wasn’t particularly rare for her, but she was clearly more excited than usual thanks to Alice softening up. “And then the two of us, well, we’ll take over the world!”

The princess pointed the pointy tip of her shovel at Alice.

“Eeeeeeeek! S-stop it!” Alice cried. This was bad. As bad as things could possibly get. Lithisia’s shoveling had grown into something unbeatable. With tears in her eyes, Alice pleaded with the princess. But alas.

“I will not stop. Never.” Lithisia drew her face close to Alice’s ear. “When you said, ‘no more shoveling,’ you looked kind of sad, Alice.”

“!!!”

The king of the undead could feel her entire body burning bright red.

“Hee hee, don’t worry. You’ll get the deluxe ‘Alice Shovel’ treatment.” Lithisia crept her red shovel close to Alice, who was still in tears, and began to rub it up against her trembling underarms.

At one time, Alice’s skin could feel the warmth of the sun up above. But now? She might as well have become a vessel purely meant to experience the touch of the shovel.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!”

A sublime shoveling overcame Alice’s young body.

This was no good. Something extraordinary was rising up deep inside of her.

“He he. Alice’s Alice is all shovely Alice now!”

“N-no, eeeeek!”

“Scoopy doopy up the shovel juices, rub it all together… Shovel! Shovel!”

“Gaaaaaaaaah!”

The crowd gathering around this public event of sorts was at a total loss, but they couldn’t look away. When confronted with the terror of the unknown, humanity could do naught but watch. Somebody in the crowd gulped.

Upon hearing that sound, Lithisia giggled internally. She had done it. Now she’d be able to increase the number of believers in the central portion of Lactia. This was all thanks to Alice. She’d have to make sure to shovel her up real nice in appreciation.

“He he he, this is my new move! I’ll just take these smoothy smooth thighs of yours and… Scoop, scoop!”

“Noooooo! Not there! Please, no! You’re going too deep!”

Of course, Lithisia didn’t stop. In fact, this public presentation went on for about two hours, right up until the crowd had lost their collective minds. Lithisia’s special move, the “Shovelmic Horror,” was the cause. Not to be confused with “cosmic horror,” of course.

It was on this day that Alice and Lithisia became just a little bit closer to one another. It was also the day that Lactia’s politicians became followers of the Holy Shovel Faith.