Intermission: Lucrezia’s Embarrassing Shovel

Intermission:
Lucrezia’s Embarrassing Shovel

UPON FINISHING HER BATH, Lucrezia entered the reception room. She wore thin nightwear, a silk robe designed to cover as much of her skin as possible. Unfortunately, it could do little to hide the steam coming off of her skin, and that wasn’t because of the hot bath, either. Lucrezia’s heart was screaming. It felt like it was going to rip itself apart.

Hot water slowly dripped down Lucrezia’s voluptuous thighs. The sensation of the droplets gliding across her skin was especially clear on this day, the last she would ever emerge from a hot bath as a pure maiden.

Aaah…

This was it. Her last day on the planet. No, she wasn’t going to be killed. She was going to be shoveled (verb).

At this point, Lucrezia still didn’t fully understand what that meant, but she did know that it meant her death as a maiden of virtue. There were plenty of maidens who had lost their purity, but Lucrezia surmised that she would be the only one in the history of Lactia to have her purity shoveled.

Nonetheless, she was nobility, and nobility kept their promises. She would be shoveled.

Standing before her was the strong, dependable miner, Alan. In his hands was a robust shovel. What exactly was she going to have shoveled?

“That took a while, Lucrezia. Why do you look so entranced?”

“I-I do not! What proof do you have?!”

“Your cheeks are flushed.”

“They are super not!”

“Super not?”

Lucrezia raised her arms up and covered her chest, squeezing her breasts together. The pitter-patter of her heart just wouldn’t stop, though she absolutely was not turned on or excited. If she were to be asked why her heart was racing so, she’d likely try to do herself in from embarrassment.

Shovel. Shovel. What exactly did Alan mean by “shovel?”

Alan gripped his long, hard tool. “Anyway, could you lead me to your room?”

“My room?!” Not only was this man going to shovel her purity, he was going to invade her private space as well?

“Yeah. It’s the perfect place for shoveling.”

“O-oh, okay. I suppose it makes sense for my first time to be there…” Lucrezia nodded her head, pulled forward by her own excitement.

“If possible, I’d like to do this in the room you grew up in as a young girl.”

And just like that, a wave of nervousness ran through Lucrezia’s body. Young girl? Was she going to have her precious childhood memories dirtied by Alan and his shovel? Was he going to gaze upon her childhood album while conducting his business?!

“There, there, little Lucrezia. Look at this lovey dovey shovely shovel!”

But even then, she couldn’t refuse him. She had already decided she would do anything he asked. All she could do now was go with the flow. And so, with wild delusions running through her head, Lucrezia guided Alan to her room. In the center was a large, beautiful bed fit for a princess.

“H-here. D-do as you will with me.” Lucrezia raised her trembling hand and attempted to give something to him.

It was her childhood album.

“Er, okay? You want me to take a look or something?”

“N-no! You are the one who brought up my time as a young girl!”

“Hrm, well, I suppose this could be useful for image shoveling.”

“Image shoveling?!”

Alan opened the album on the floor. He then took his shovel and tapped it against the velvet floor. As soon as he did, part of it suddenly became a sandbox. It was the same type one might find in a schoolyard, and there was even a bucket nearby.

“Are you going to push me into the sand?! You want me all sandy before you do your business?!”

“Wha?”

“No…? Er, ah! I get it now! You will put water into that bucket, then dump it all over the sand and make me all muddy! And then once I am covered in filth and shame, you are going to shovel me!”

“Just be quiet and sit down.”

Lucrezia did as she was told without complaining, sitting on her knees directly in front of the sandbox.

Huh, so the act of shoveling starts with sitting down. I did not know that. I had better remember this. W-wait, no! It is finally about to start. I am going to be shoveled…

“Let’s get started.”

Lucrezia closed her eyes tight and clenched her fists. Alan began to shovel up the sand in the sandbox and dump it into the bucket nice and slow, almost like a child playing around.

“Huh?”

“Lucrezia, help me out, would you? It’ll be more effective that way.”

The noblewoman took a shovel from Alan and began to dig into the sandbox. Eventually, Alan had them make a sandcastle. They really were just playing. Was this all he meant by “shoveling?”

Hold on a minute… Do you mean I was just caught up in my own filthy delusions? Lucrezia thought. Was that whole nonsense about being covered in mud and shame just her own misinterpretation? As Lucrezia realized something she shouldn’t have, the weirdness began in earnest.

White smoke rose out of the sandcastle. It formed a cloud in the sky and all of a sudden it was projecting a video not unlike the one from the Magical Video Stone. In said video was a young girl of about five years of age wearing a leaf-green dress. It was crystal clear that this girl was none other than the one in Lucrezia’s album: the lady herself, as a child.

“This is a shovel technique that allows me to unearth the past,” Alan explained.

It was entirely possible that Lucrezia’s merchant father knew something about the orb. But since Lucrezia had no specific memories of it, “unearthing” video of her father in the past would make it easier to visualize him later and acquire information via the Akashic Record.

Lucrezia’s voice was audible from within the video. “Daddy, Daddy! Look! I found a four-leaf clover!”

Lucrezia wobbled after her father’s large back with a big smile on her face. The noblewoman knew that back oh so well. It belonged to her beloved father. The man turned around to face the small child, picked up the clover, and gently rubbed her head.

“Thanks!” he said. “But you know what? You should hold onto this, my dear.”

“Huh? No, this is for you, Daddy!”

“Oho. Is that so?”

“I already decided to give it you, so it’s yours!”

“Ha ha ha.” Her father once again rubbed Lucrezia’s head and happily smiled. “Thank you, my dear Lucrezia. You are the ultimate daughter.”

“Awtimate? Is that amazing?”

“Yes, yes, it is! You are going to become an amazing noblewoman!”

“Amazing! I’m amazing! Super-duper amazing!”

Tears began to flow from Lucrezia’s eyes.

“Seems to me like you had one helluva father.”

Lucrezia couldn’t speak. Something was rising deep from within her chest. In front of her was a memory of her father, the man she’d never be able to see again. The man who taught her about pride. So this was what a shovel was. She had gravely misunderstood it. The tears that flowed from her eyes were warm. Who could have known that a shovel was such a warm thing?

“All right, perfect. I’m going to move forward through time and trace your memories.”

Alan had to look for info on the orb. Since Lucrezia cared deeply for her father, he would make a point to only search through memories that the young woman felt especially strong about. Alan sped up shoveling through the sand. The Lucrezia projected by the cloud quickly aged.

Eight years old. Ten years old. Twelve years old.

Alan stopped moving.

Twelve-year-old Lucrezia was receiving her noble education at the boarding academy. The version of her in the video sat in a classroom, wearing glasses.

“Looks like this is a particularly strong memory for you.”

“An important event…”

“I can tell by the way my shovel is vibrating. I’m going to play back the memory.”

What happened when I was twelve…?

Lucrezia watched the video memory unfold. The young version of her exited the classroom by herself and ran to the back garden. After checking to make sure nobody was around, she took out a book from her bag: Romance for Dummies! How to Get Along with That Special Someone!

The little girl began to read the book with extreme interest, her cheeks pink.

Wait a second.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” Lucrezia desperately attempted to hide her younger self with her body. “No, no! What is this?!”

“I’m digging through your memories to find info on the orb.”

“But how does that mean digging up embarrassing things like this?!”

Meanwhile, in the video, young Lucrezia had just turned to the final page, which featured an image of a man and a woman passionately embracing and kissing one another. The young girl brought her face super close to the page and gulped. Twelve-year-old Lucrezia was enraptured.

“No, no! Please don’t look!”

“Hrm, your father’s not in this memory, I guess.”

Alan began to dig again. This time, video of a fourteen-year-old Lucrezia surfaced. It was a memory of when she was at her academy’s summer camp. At the lodge, she peeked through the crack in the door at her upperclassmen as they passionately disrobed one another. She gulped. Fourteen-year-old Lucrezia was super into it.

“AAAAAAAH NO, PLEASE STOP!” In the present, Lucrezia was suffering from the most shameful moment of her entire life (the third time in three hours she thought this, in fact).

No, no, no! My entire life is being unearthed! Every embarrassing moment from my past is being dug up! I am going to die! My life as a pure maiden is over! I am dead!

“Hm, your father doesn’t pop up here, either.”

“If he did, I would surely die! In fact, I am already going to die! I shall kill you, then kill myself!”

“Calm yourself. I can’t shovel with you like this.”

“I am done with this! Done!”

Ten minutes later, even more mortifying videos had manifested in the smoke.

A young Lucrezia had faked being calm after receiving a love letter, but was secretly overjoyed. A Lucrezia who was delighted at her brand-new adult lingerie. A video of Lucrezia rubbing her [the noun here has been shoveled] against the edge of a desk and [this novel is meant to be enjoyed by teens].

When the last video played, Lucrezia collapsed to her knees. All of it. He had seen everything. He’d seen all her most secret shoveling (short for you-know-what). Every last bit.

“Aaah… Aaaaaaah…”

But thanks to Lucrezia’s humble sacrifice, Alan had obtained the info he sought. The Green Orb was apparently being kept safe in some ruins that Lucrezia’s father had sealed away himself. Only he or someone with his blood, a.k.a. his daughter, could undo the seal.

“All right, I got it. Thanks, Lucrezia.”

“Haaah, haaah, haaah… Aaaaah!” Lucrezia was drenched in sweat and tears. She had shed every tear inside of her body. Nonetheless, her entire body was hot. The aftereffects of her shame were endless. This was wrong. Nobody told her it was going to be like this. All of Lucrezia’s most embarrassing secrets had been laid bare. “Aaah… Aaah… Bwaaaaaah!”

Lucrezia finally understood.

The shovel was a warm thing. But that wasn’t all.

It was also terribly, mortifyingly, embarrassing.

***

The next day, Alan and Lucrezia made their way to port, where Lithisia and the others welcomed them. He had informed the group ahead of time that they’d be needing a boat to head out to sea.

“Sir Miner, over here! Wait, who might that be?”

“Lucrezia. Last night, I shoveled her (past).”

The noblewoman stood nearby, her mind burned to ashes. She cast her wobbly gaze at Lithisia but otherwise showed no reaction to the princess.

“Oh, well, I’ll make sure to greet her properly later. This is my friend’s ship! It’s a top-class sailing ship!”

It was indeed quite the ship. Immediately, a captain-like man rushed to a stop in front of Lithisia and barked out, “Yes, shovel!”

He explained that he was one of Lithisia’s followers. According to his report, the ship was ready to set sail. They’d stocked a year’s worth of shovels onboard.

“What does that even mean?” asked Alan.

“Fool! You mustn’t ask!”

“Do you mean to end their lives?! Silence, Alan!”

Apparently while Alan was gone, some pretty strange stuff had gone down. Alice and Catria looked more scared than ever before.

“I guess I’ll ask around later. Lithisia, we’re setting sail. It’s time to track down the Green Orb.”

“Roger that! All crew, raise the shovel anchors.”

“Yesshovel!” The ship’s crew were already under Lithisia’s complete control.

Lithisia beamed. Resplendent in her pure white dress, she pointed out at the open seas.

“Ultimate Shovel, launch!”

“Yesshovel, Princess!” the crew shouted.

Catria looked up as the shovel-shaped mast swayed. This ship… This journey… Everything that can go wrong is going to go wrong.